Thursday, October 6

Body: Decent, mostly. Again woke at 3a, but just tossed & turned, couldn't will myself to get up. Logged a short quick run from Pepe's repair shop. Session was feeling okay until the hinge/squat/pushup thing that just instantly drained me to nothing. And Train & Stay is tomorrow - SHIT.

Brain: Decent, but tried to get a lot done, and didn't, and then the afternoon was spent at a speaker, and I couldn't stay late to work because Pepe wasn't done & hubs had to pick me up. Which was good though, because I needed a lot of packing time.

I got very frustrated in my session that I am feeling so poorly; I just want to feel normal, I don't want to be such a delicate fucking flower again. Why is my capacity so low right now? What am I doing wrong or missing or WHAT? How do I fix this? I was nearly ready to cry, but managed to shove it aside and focus on what Chief was saying to me.

I have a very large hunch that this is a result of fat loss. I leaned out a touch when my running finally became regular in September, and I dropped a boatload of stress - and I think this is my body freaking out over it. I do not believe I am sitting in a calorie deficit on a regular basis, but I WAS for a while there. And my body wants the fat back, now, like RANOW, and hence the 3am wake-ups, and hence the daily drained feeling. I might be in bed 8:15, but I often spend 1:00 of that tossing & turning with a monkey mind. I think. I might be wrong. I probably need to log some food intake after the Train & Stay and see what's up.

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