Sunday, October 30

Body: Got to sleep in all the way to 545a. Thanks, Hank! Good energy and only a bit tight from yesterday. Lifted my new Sunday version of meatheading, and even got the hubs to do some stuff. Went in feeling good, but the lifting felt hard and tired compared to yesterday. It felt like a lot of effort, whereas yesterday was basically easy. Felt some extra aching in left glute, the spot that got pulled last summer.

Brain: Solid. Chores all done, fun with lifting, puppy play date with KP & Kai, and even popped into NSS & got my inventory count done, in only 5 minutes. Winning! Eve reading with all the pets snuggled in. Super winning!

Saturday, October 29

Body: Took a while to fall asleep last night, and Hanky made me get up at 515a just like any other day. Learn about weekends, jerk! Body feels better than it did yesterday, although I seem to have some blisters from yesterday's walk, what now? Logged my first home meatheading workout of the winter plan and loved it. Finished feeling refreshed as though at NSS. Score! Solid nap after lunch, just because I could, not that I needed it so much.

Brain: Got some chores done early, updated my reading list thanks to Mark Fisher's list (I kind of want to be a female version of that guy), and then got to sling iron. Had zero desire to be out running, which is good, because I am firmly setting that aside for the winter, unless my Heidi moves home to be my running buddy again. Afternoon nap with all the critters. Lots of reading done. Supper out with the hubs at my favorite place.

I am fighting the Mexico beach body thoughts. I don't want to care, but I don't want dread being seen on the beach either. In trying to find myself a compromise, I've come up with this: lift like an idiot meathead. Make sure I'm eating enough to feel good. BUT, each week just cut out one food that I seem to have a problem with moderating. This week it's been potato chips. And yes, I miss them, and it helped me realize how often I relied on them to be my source of carbs. So there's awareness being added, not just pure deprivation. And I will allow them back into my life next week, with that added awareness. Easy win!

Friday, October 28

Body: Feeling a little sore from deadlifts, just tight though, nothing concerning. Also strangely sore in the shoulders from rows. Low energy in the afternoon, but it was a gorgeous day (61F!) so I went home to grab Hank, and we went for a long walk. It was quite lovely.

Brain: Mostly good. Got seriously frustrated by loud coworkers mid-day, all of them in Friday fuck-off mode while I was in my usual "I got so much to do!" mode. BB brought me eggs and in the course of that convo I realized I could shift the bulk of my Friday effort to MONDAYS. Then either my Friday is productive because everyone leaves early & it's quiet, or if everyone is fucking off then I can work on more mindless tasks instead. RELIEF.

Thursday, October 27

Body: Feeling a little sore yet from Tuesday. Neck/shoulder thing from yesterday is already gone? It was not a problem in session, which was delightful fun.

Brain: Truly wonderful. Fabulous work day, fabulous coworkers, fabulous session, fabulous meeting. Life is just so damned good. Posted on FB about the job change and received an overwhelming number of Likes & Comments. All the feels.

Wednesday, October 26

Body: Something got seriously jacked up in my left shoulder & neck overnight. Iced it on the commute and took ibuprofen which I pretty much never do. Got better throughout the day, but never totally gone.

Brain: Tired but okay. Two days left at DBB including today - whoop whoop! Struggled to accomplish anything. Nothing to do for much of the day, then a total brain slam. And so hungry. Fabulously fun time at TT.

Tuesday, October 25

Body: Still pretty sore from Sunday lifting. Today's session went really well, though. All progressing nicely, and hit double-digits with the pulls so I will bump up the KB weight.

Brain: Excellent work day, just wonderful. Got a few things done at home in eve, and started on a new book: yay!

Monday, October 24

Body: Slept like a champ. Feeling pretty sore from yesterday's workout; surprises me because it felt moderate at the time, and I thought the walk would make recovery even better. No dice.

Brain: Three days left at DBB including today. Very little to do, very little ambition to start anything. Just want to be at NSS! Eve TT was super fun times once again. Loving that so much.

Sunday, October 23

Body: Slept 830p-6a - now that's how you recover from a long day! Got up feeling really good, not at all drained. Success! Had an All The Things lifting session and loved it. Felt strong. Hatched a general training plan for the winter that doesn't include running. I'm accepting the lack of running partners and allowing a laser focus on lifting. I REALLY want to win that spring TSC. Because it was a gorgeous fall afternoon, I took Hanky for a walk at LCSP. Brought along my audio-book and went fast enough for it to be a genuine workout (not reflected in overall pace, as we had to stop for drinks and peeing (Hank, not me).

Brain: Excellent. Feeling good. Lifting heavy. Most chores accomplished. Sunshine. Fetch. Reading. Walking.

Saturday, October 22

Body: Sleep kind of choppy. Long fun/exhausting day at the meet, which did include time unloading barbells, but nothing like a workout today. Laziness at home.

Brain: Excellent. Meet day delight, thus super fun times, although I wish I'd been at the head table getting to experience every single lift. (Although that would have been thoroughly exhausting.) It went smoothly and was great fun. Again I was headed home on a beautiful evening and wishing I could take the dogs for a stroll, but didn't.

Friday, October 21

Body: Feeling good, no aches from yesterday. Last week the low back was tight from deadlifts, not today - woo hoo! Once again I packed running gear but didn't want to use it. If my pups were on the way to the trails I probably would've, but I didn't want to drive for an hour to get there. And I just don't want to go running by myself. I want social runs. At home, I did make one lap around the house carrying my 20kg KB, but nothing more than that.

Brain: Excellent. Busy work morning, lovely lunch w/ Timmy & Mac, then a busy meet-prep afternoon. Really excited for that, but not so much for the volunteer position I'll have, which doesn't get me a front-row seat. At home, hubs gone, so just me & the pets & my book: bliss. Some silly texts with the boss boys. An update from a friend with troubling hubs issues, a relief because I'd been worrying that I hadn't heard from her in a while.

Sadness from reading political posts made my people I thought I really connected with. I truly hate how divisive it makes everyone; I surely have anger-filled screamy thoughts, but I don't post them, because I know it would make me sound like an asshole. I wish more people could see how they are representing themselves. It's possible to dislike a candidate without resorting to childish hyperbolic insults about him/her as if one is still in second grade. Isn't it?

Thursday, October 20

Body: Feeling pretty good. Session felt great, OHP a little sad yet but deadlifts that felt light as a feather and smooth as buttah made me forget all about presses. Happy girl! Had packed running clothes for the eve but just didn't want to, not by myself. I miss my people.

Brain: Wonderful NSS day. Busy and a bit scattered, the usual for event week, methinks. Again a nicely quiet night at home to do as little as possible.

Wednesday, October 19

Body: Already feeling yesterday's session first thing in the morning, oof. Didn't get any worse, though.

Brain: Fun times fixing a client's QB onsite, including a convo about how many businesses need QB help. It left me thinking about how that used to be my long-term plan, to get out of the tax-prep world and into the bookkeeping-for-others world instead, on my own, full-time life. And yet I'm so easily turning away from that to do a scary-to-me job (coaching) at one place, NOT working for myself. So easily, without hardly thinking about it. Because NSS changed my life, because NSS has the ability to change so many lives, because I want to be a part of that, forever. I want to be a part of making women stronger & fitter, and finding enjoyment in doing that, not in punishing themselves, making themselves miserable to fulfill someone else's expectations. Small group at TT in the eve, much easier to manage that way and still super delightful fun times. Quiet at home: lovely.

Tuesday, October 18

Body: Still a touch sore from Sunday's enthusiasm, but nothing concerning. Session went well. After work I took a nice long stroll with Shannon and it was as good for the brain as a run with Heidi. Just need more of that on a regular basis.

Brain: Solid. Busy scattered-feeling day where nothing major was accomplished, but good discussions were had, and many small things were readied/planned for Saturday's meet. Lovely walk on a gorgeous fall night. A sweet purring kitty to pet & love on. Quiet night at home with an absorbing book. Days just don't get much better than this!

Monday, October 17

Body: Slept like a rock, it was wonderful. Upper back is a bit sore, neck has a tight spot, butt is sore, but that's all fine. Energy is good.

Brain: Counting down: 4 more DBB days after today. Like WHOA. Lunched with the parents for probably the last time in a long while. Eve was TT and tons o' fun.

Sunday, October 16

Body: Great night of solid sleep, though Hanky wouldn't let me sleep in, of course. Lifted mid-morning and did All The Things which included some SGC moves and focused accessory and then a complex I just felt like playing with. Things felt good for where they should be, although OHP is stalling in a very disappointing way. Reread parts of that chapter of Starting Strength during my rest periods.

Brain: Hubs gone all day again, it's family wood-cutting extravaganza weekend I guess, and I'm sure they are all wondering why I'm not there to help. Because I already had weekend plans when I first learned about it, that's why; maybe my plans look a lot like laziness, but that's exactly what I planned & needed this weekend, so they can judge away. Got my chores done, got two errands done (including decorating for Boss's Day), and had plenty of reading time. I hit triple-digit books finished this year. Holy shitballs, that's a lot of reading. No wonder I never seem to get anything else done!

Saturday, October 15

Body: Excellent night of sleep, including waking naturally at 6am, wowza! After breakfast & some reading time, I dressed to run, but assessed things and realized I didn't really WANT to run, I just wanted to get to the woods. So I decided Hanky & I would just take a very long walk, and so we did, and it was lovely. I didn't finish feeling drained & nappy, so I could get things done at home.

Brain: Good. I have zero regrets not WDing today, but I realized I spent the past 5 straight years at it, either running or crewing or volunteering, so it's strange not to be there. But I'm happy to be home. Logged a couple errands and then headed home for chores & ample reading time.

Yesterday just before eating supper I realized I hadn't logged any food yet, and I had a near-physical reaction of revulsion, practically gagging at the very idea of it. I won't be doing that anymore. I came in about where I need to be, and so I can stop. And I completely hated it, so I will stop. I made it all of three days.

Got some FANTASTIC news from a friend that made me so happy I cried. Secret for now, and not my news to share anyway, but will be really wonderful for me.

Friday, October 14

Body: Feeling good but happy for a rest day. Super lazy at home in the eve, happily.

Brain: Busy work day, improved by lunch with my BB. Silent afternoon during which I cranked out a lotta work, whew! A gorgeous eve had me hanging out with pets in the yard, until it got chilly. Then I took my book to the couch to be a lazy veg. It was awesome.

Thursday, October 13

Body: Woke in the night needing to get up, h/s/g. Feeling pretty good. Tiny bit of squat soreness, but nothing in upper body. Session went well enough, given how I've felt most of the past few weeks. After work, because it was a glorious fall day, I happily went to LCSP. Running was feeling hard on the lungs & brain, so I walked a lot, and took a lot of pictures, and deeply missed my Heidi, but didn't dwell on it too much. Haven't figured out what I'll do come winter, just yet.

Brain: Very good. Didn't get the work done that I wanted to (feel like I can point to nothing accomplished today), but had a great Chief meeting, sat in on a consult, had a wonderful time at the team meeting, and thoroughly enjoyed my day. Ran into Steph & her mama on the street & we chatted (lovely people). Blissful fall trails. Weekend plans solidifying (and minimal). Hubs gone to a "safety meeting" with coworkers, so the house was silent other than snoring pets. It's a good life.

Wednesday, October 12

Body: Fabulous long night of sleep, got up feeling good. No time to run, Dad's bookwork at noon, TT in eve.

Brain: Started logging my food yesterday in order to get my sleep in order. Also an excuse to learn My Fitness Pal so I can talk about it with clients. But man, I immediately felt the old feels around spending what feels like hours inputting food, and looking at the numbers, and also looking at their recommendations which make me want to punch things. Little warnings like I'm nearing my fat limit or "this food is high in saturated fat!" made me screamy. I'm not sure I can do it for more than a day or two; paper at least doesn't fucking JUDGE.

Normal taxy day, plus a visit with Dad, followed by the dentist (scheduled THREE doctor appointments today, adulting champ!). After work, TT was a TON of fun, and I felt far very comfortable walking around and coaching people. Finally. It was fantastic fun. Home was nicely quiet.

Tuesday, October 11

Body: Feeling pretty good. Nothing lingering from T&S weekend. (Nothing!) My session was back to my old favorites, squat & bench & love.

Brain: SO GOOD. Had my quarterly review with boss boys and they never cease to amaze me. These young pups are so fucking wise, it's astounding. They had lovely praise for me, and Dustin especially gave me a huge boost about coaching, although potentially a little TOO high of expectation if I get down on myself again, but I'm trying very hard to be the person that the mini-Chief inside my head believes I can be. We discussed figuring out my hours and how to structure that (actually meaning that I need to figure out what I want to do to fit into their expectations). Managed to adult nicely after work, from dog pills to gas & wash, and a library visit where ONCE AGAIN I ran into Bethany who is always a beautiful smile and gives a warm hug and is an inspiring chitchat. At home I caught up on the financial chore and felt panicky at our spending. Lotta unexpected car expenses all at once drained that savings, and that happening right after the planned drain of vacation savings compounded my anxiety. Time to limit Amazon & Target browsing, and stop looking at new shoes!

Monday, October 10

Body: Better sleep, got up feeling okay but needing a slow quiet morning. Took it. No time for a workout, though I did consider that I would've liked a lunch run, which was a surprise after T&S weekend.

Brain: Rough taxy day, at a client's cleaning up very messy books and feeling frustrated I couldn't leave it in better shape. Many phone calls to make and trying to figure out how to transition my life fully to Alex; all three doctor visits are coming due and I don't want to have to come back to Sauk for all that. Maybe this one last time, and then transfer everything, gives me 6 months to figure out replacements. Also, banking? Ugh, this adulting thing is old.

Sunday, October 9

Body: Got up feeling better than I have in many days, despite all the running. Solid sleep helped, but also I credit 45+ minutes in the lake killing that inflammation. The powerlines were not as easy as I wanted them to be, but easier than I expected. A good way to finish off the weekend. Ride back was fine, energy stayed well enough to go to the Paige/Luke party.

Brain: Very good. Kept my sanity post-run with reading time, and white noise & my book while everyone else listened to the Vikes on the drive home. At home, got laundry going, loved up on pets, then loved up on my NSS peeps as well. A good weekend, though Monday off would sure be glorious.

Saturday, October 8

Body: Woke often, fairly achey. Got up feeling pretty junky, and VERY worried about the run. My favorite run, most beautiful of them all, so I took a boatload of pictures. Also stayed last so that it didn't matter if I picked my way slowly or filmed my favorite little trickling creek for 45 seconds (both legit). I felt tired and slow, and fully recognized the state my body was in, and was very worried that any missteps would cause lasting trouble, and so I gave myself a lot of grace on this one. Naptime was a SOLID full sleep cycle. The afternoon run was a terrible idea as usual, 3 miles that felt like 6, on terrain that felt tough but couldn't have been much easier. Again I stayed in back and took pictures, and sought to enjoy it. Body felt better at the end of the day than at the beginning - yay, ice/lake bath!

Brain: Decent. Enjoyed the trails and the sunrise and the immense beauty. Grateful to be running it this year, even if I'm not in the best shape I've ever been for it. Zero regret about canceling next weekend's 50k, which felt possible today, but also felt like I'd pay for it for weeks. Not worth it. Turned a little anti-social at the cabin, reading the book even at the table when everyone else was chitchatting. Introverts, unite! (Quietly, in your own rooms.)

Friday, October 7

Body: Got up very tired, my new usual. Anxious about T&S. Ride up felt okay. Run itself went well, though I was very very cautious through the technical stuff, unlike everyone else, even the newbies. I wish I wasn't, but I think I need to be.

Brain: Tired, but managed. Got as much done as I could. Coworkers were silly. Paige was fine, so I was fine. Trip up was nice, got to talk some work stuff with Other Chief. Cabin life was good, but I wished I'd had more reading time. Quietly slunk off to an early bedtime.

Thursday, October 6

Body: Decent, mostly. Again woke at 3a, but just tossed & turned, couldn't will myself to get up. Logged a short quick run from Pepe's repair shop. Session was feeling okay until the hinge/squat/pushup thing that just instantly drained me to nothing. And Train & Stay is tomorrow - SHIT.

Brain: Decent, but tried to get a lot done, and didn't, and then the afternoon was spent at a speaker, and I couldn't stay late to work because Pepe wasn't done & hubs had to pick me up. Which was good though, because I needed a lot of packing time.

I got very frustrated in my session that I am feeling so poorly; I just want to feel normal, I don't want to be such a delicate fucking flower again. Why is my capacity so low right now? What am I doing wrong or missing or WHAT? How do I fix this? I was nearly ready to cry, but managed to shove it aside and focus on what Chief was saying to me.

I have a very large hunch that this is a result of fat loss. I leaned out a touch when my running finally became regular in September, and I dropped a boatload of stress - and I think this is my body freaking out over it. I do not believe I am sitting in a calorie deficit on a regular basis, but I WAS for a while there. And my body wants the fat back, now, like RANOW, and hence the 3am wake-ups, and hence the daily drained feeling. I might be in bed 8:15, but I often spend 1:00 of that tossing & turning with a monkey mind. I think. I might be wrong. I probably need to log some food intake after the Train & Stay and see what's up.

Wednesday, October 5

Body: I'm still a little tired (despite the following total sleep times for the past 7 days: 8:42, 8:05, 8:49, 9:00, 8:48+2:00, 8:37, 8:09). WTF is going on? And my butt is sore (weighted hip thrusts are dumb). No time or energy to run again (could've at lunch, but wanted needed quiet reading time more). TT in eve.

Brain: Decent. Very busy with some frustrating DBB work (technology stymied me). Feeling like I could keep busy until January with the project I'm trying to cram in. TT was a great delight, very fun, very happy group - but I came home completely exhausted. Very drained. My new norm, it seems.

Tuesday, October 4

Body: Pretty decent. The session felt a little harder than I wanted to, but I suppose that's par for the current era. Given the upcoming T&S, and not running since LAST TUESDAY, I had planned to run tonight - but when Ann canceled on me, I happily dismissed the idea and worked late instead. I didn't feel up to it, but I wished that I did, on a cool misty fall night.

Brain: Good. Very busy with work, month & quarter end, and already the 4th, and short days on Thursday & Friday...did the best I could. Was getting toddler-tired by the end of the day, when PS kept showing me different ideas for a Chiefly gift, and that only meant I would be working later. But went straight home, had reading & pet-snuggling time, and life improved.

Monday, October 3

Body: Decent. No time or ability to workout. It's possible I can run some Mon/Wed lunch breaks, but not when I'm feeling so worn out coming into them.

Brain: Decent. Busy taxy day feeling like I have tons of work to get done before I can go, things that COULD keep my busy all the way to the end of the year, but I only have the end of the month.

Surprisingly little nervousness about team training, but probably because I felt so prepared, and didn't feel like I was needing to fill CJ's shoes, but could make it my own. It went well, and was fun, but it did burn me out some. In bed, mind was racing with things I should've done better, and it took a while to shut it down. Still, I'm getting better at that.

Sunday, October 2

Body: Still very tired. Canceled my 7a running date and slept until 7 instead. Can't believe (and dislike) how exhausted I feel. Kept the day quiet & easy, but did the workout for STRONGirl in order to better understand how to coach it. Managed to avoid a nap, but accomplished similar relaxation by reading in the hammock. Coerced the hubs to join me & the dogs in fetching HH's birthday present out at LCSP. An easy walk that I felt like I could've been running: that's great, for where I am.

Brain: Doing very well. A bit angry to be feeling so tired, but no worries in avoiding my normal workouts, just a little sadness that I'm too exhausted to soak up more fall trails. Enjoyed having a quiet weekend at home to get a lot done, especially food prep, knowing the week ahead is going to be a bit much.

Saturday, October 1

Body: Poor sleep, but enough. Got up at normal time, was exhausted by 2p when I got home. Napped almost 2 hours. Had planned to do the first SGC strength workout to understand it better, but had zero energy. Slothed all eve.

Probably not a surprise given sleep & stress lately, and maybe just reached the overload point, that all the extra running workouts finally hit me, but it worried me anyway, and I indulged in extra carbs even though eating actually felt like a chore. Given Chief's sickness this week, I figured I'd be extra careful and not push any workouts or slack on calories. I am plumb out of spoons.

Brain: Good, but so tired. Normal work, then TSC fun, then a bit more normal work, then shopping for friends & bosses, then home to crash. Post-nap I indulged in a book outside on the deck in the sun, but after that I got my bills paid. Ready to crash early again.

Friday, September 30

Body: Tired, poor sleep. Keep waking in middle of night again, WTF? Had plans to run after work, was mentally shot and needing to work late, so cancelled. Went to bed at 830p, feeling like I could've by 7p. Some was mental drain, but also cumulative sleep issues, and I'd say I significantly underestimated the stress of GOOD news on my system for the past week.

Brain: Had tons of work, including more as I thought ahead to next week. Chief out sick put a damper on the mood. Went to lunch with old TS coworkers but didn't tell them the news, it's not ready to be public just yet. So much work, I stayed until 6p; much of this is crash of month-end, quarter-end, SGC, TSC nonsense - but it's also because next week has only 2 legit work days to accomplish things. Oof.