Wednesday, August 17

Body: Went to bed at 830p, with two Benadryl, hoping sleep would fix my mental state. Wide awake tossing & turning at 1130p, got up for water; dogs woke me at 5a, let them out, went back to bed; let them back in; hubs got up at 6a and I still couldn't wake up enough to get up. He came in to say goodbye and I finally got up at 630a, a time I am normally leaving the house. Wished desperately I could stay home today. At lunch in the park, I climbed ALMOST to the top of the pole; halfway up I figured out a rest technique, so that should get me all the way next time. YES! Went LCSP-ing and it went a lot better than it has been going (still run/walk), even without an audiobook. Still not as good as I want it to feel, but it's progress.

Brain: Sleep helped a little bit, but only a little. Morning was rough, but the day got better as I went. LCSP-ing was, for once, helpful for the brain. At home I was much better, even managed to NOT burst into tears when the hubs watched my pole-climbing video and said, "I used to be able to do that in like 3 seconds when I was little." I heard this as a shutdown of my accomplishment, and it fucking sucked. Still, I wasn't as brittle as yesterday, and felt okay most of the night. Only cried in the shower, I think.

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