Thursday, June 23

Body: Low back again very tight all morning, improved tons after session. Session went surprisingly well considering how I've been feeling; had I come in feeling better I would even have attempted 255 deadlift, but I decided I could be satisfied with stringing together another week of 245x2 given the mental state. I also nailed a 75x2 overhead press which felt surprisingly easy, like another rep wasn't out of the question. Holy shit! Played a game of wiffleball that the boss boys won once again, very fun. Couch to 5k felt hot and bleah, but we made it short and I finished up with the "slowpokes" who I suspect will outlast everyone else in terms of keeping it in their schedules.

Brain: Bleah all morning, scattered shots at productivity. Session was a huge boost, as was team meeting. Couch to 5k was a happy send-off, thrilled to be done despite how glad I am to keep doing it. Received a bonus at NSS today and although nothing was said about FT, naturally I interpreted it as "because we can't hire you, here's something to keep you happy," and it made me want to cry. I want to tear it up and throw it at them because it's NOT ENOUGH. I don't want bonuses; I want to be there full-time, and I want to be able to afford the pay cut they need me to take, and I have to find a way to make that happen, because the lack of answer is a clear sign they can't pay what I asked for, and I miss that momentary two weeks where I felt like I had delivered all that stress to them and it was just a matter of time. Sigh. I need some extensive downtime, yo.

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