Wednesday, May 18

Body: Sore but not overly so, a nice surprise that squats didn't even leave me aching.

Brain: Decent. Busy day at DBB doing assorted projects. Busted out early to get to NSS to work on cleaning up some of the SSS billing/paperwork. Basically shadowed CJ coaching SSS, which was sorely disappointing, I didn't feel like I was doing much at all, felt very superfluous. Managed to tell myself that I will soon be the only coach so this is fine learning, take notes, do what he does. Because motherfuck, he is good, and I can't believe he's going to stop doing this. We will all be much poorer for losing him.

In the morning I finally screwed up my courage and emailed the boss boys that we had to please talk about my price. We set a time for tomorrow. Gulp. Wrote up the ideal talking points, knowing I will stray and I won't be able to get it all out, but it helps me to write things down and at least give some focus to my swirling thoughts. At one point, just full of fear, I told myself that the worst they can do is say no, and things stay as they are. And then I immediately wanted to cry, because while right now is okay, tolerable, sustainable, my heart is screaming for this change. Like a banshee. I need this change.

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