Thursday, May 19

Body: Feeling good. Stiff each morning in lower legs, but that's it. Session went well; deadlifts heavier than I want them to feel, but still: logging 225x4x2 on an off day, 5 days post 1RM, it's not such a bad place to be. Couch to 5k was rough because we tried to go slow, had no front-runners, until Brett & I just kind of went and kept circling back to the group. Was lovely to run & chat with him, has been too long.

Brain: I did it. I gave the boss boys my number. I tweaked my spreadsheet to feel confident about my numbers, considered printing it, but decided to wing it. And then Dustin suggested it be a walking meeting, and I can promise you that made it a million times easier for me. I learned, when I began to run with BK & HH regularly, that when you are side by side with someone, and you remove the intensity of looking into their eyes, your walls lower, you are freer, more open, more vulnerable. It's closer on the spectrum to talking to yourself, closer to complete honesty, because you can't see facial reactions and judgment (imagined or not) and close yourself off. You just talk.

And so, it was wonderful. I started with the number, and said I have been stuck there, and as the accountant I've been struggling, but I did come up with 5-10 hours of coaching being enough to cover my cost, and so I just had to bring it forward to the people who actually make the decisions, knowing it's not ideal, it's big overhead to commit to, but it is what it is. I said that I can drop my price $3k if I keep Saturdays at the tax firm, but that I would prefer to NOT do that, to NOT send my energy to that sinkhole again, I want to simply give all my energy directly to NSS, but I can't do it for any less because of the hubs' pay cut.

And then the conversation steered toward okay, if we are using me as a coach, who do I like working with, what about online coaching, what options do we have for new revenue streams, what might I like? What is my timeline, what are our next steps? And one of them was obviously for me to provide some deeper financial analysis (Update the budget? SERIOUSLY I WOULD LOVE TO NO JOKE! Nearly got it all done today!) and get me trained in on some things I'm still completely outside of right now, one thing Dustin's already thinking of for Tuesday morning.

Dustin went on and on about me being perfect for coaching given my culture, my own history, my client experience, etc, and I was frankly blown away by it all. I honestly didn't have any set expectations, I only knew I had to get it going and see what they said, but I didn't expect such a reception. Granted, financials will return the highlight to the number problem, and I could sense that Dustin thoroughly delegated that problem to Mike; but when they were still plowing forward with possibilities despite a number that I'd thought to be such a formidable barrier, I was astounded. And then at the tail end of our walk, we took a selfie for May Ray Day (as in, sun rays, go soak some up), and it just cemented how much I love those boys and the family they have created. I need to be a part of it.

I'm hesitant to share Dustin's enthusiasm for my coaching possibilities, knowing my mental and emotional M.O. (all in, all the time), alongside my more-limited capacity as an introvert. But, I also trust that I can very clearly lay out problems when I'm having them, and they will operate with the best of intentions, always. I have been able to sit in on a lot of mental gear-grinding when they make decisions, and there has never been a red flag for me, ever. I don't foresee the sort of ceaseless unstoppable overloading that was a regular basis of operation back at TS. Yet I'm also a little terrified, because the last thing I can stand to lose is that place. It is risky to put every egg into that one basket, but the payoff, friend, the PAYOFF. It's worth the risk.

It is.

No comments:

Post a Comment