Monday, May 30

Body: Got up feeling good, but a bit achey. Run at LCSP was a bit of a letdown, got hot and tired with a mile to go and took a shortcut. That's despite several extended stops, which I thought would make it doable. Well, so I'm not up for a lap yet - that's fixable, and it's not even my goal to be at that point yet.

Brain: Annoyed by social media, so many people being hidden lately. I am near to hiding a former bestie who just can't make time for me/us anymore, not even to send my beloved Heidi across the country, can't be bothered to see her for the last time. Sad, hurt, frustrated, DONE with being treated as second-rate. Trying to find the balance of loving fully, showing unconditional positive regard - and guarding my tender, soft heart. (Still.) (Always?) 

Loved the morning outing with ROUSers & TROUSers, coffee with a small subgroup, and more tentative plans with my Heidi before she bails. In two weeks. Half my heart leaves for California in just two weeks. I ache.

Busied myself with cleaning and packing the camper for the upcoming weekend. This week will be jam-packed with work & planning & packing, but it's survivable because at the end is 48 hours with my hubs & my pups & new trails & beautiful nature. I can't wait to love it!

Sunday, May 29

Body: Pretty decent, no specific aches or pains, but workout felt a little harder than I wanted it to. Definitely couldn't have done a proper set of deadlifts, but tire flips & swings were doable. Enjoyed a nap again. Had intended to take the pooches LCSP-ing, but didn't have the energy for it, and had too much else to accomplish around home.

Brain: Okay. Sent Mike some more numbers and worked on my brain state, regarding NSS. Feeling very vulnerable and fearful, and working to understand how to deal with that. Decent amount of hubs time, and did some planning for camping vacation next weekend.

Saturday, May 28

Body: Very enjoyable Couch to 5k outing, nice cool weather. Then spent many hours butchering beef, cleaning equipment, hauling & dividing beef. Very tired, nap time was a must after several nights of 3am wake-ups. Decent energy rest of the day, even stayed up late for a bonfire.

Brain: Solid. Good family time, though I had to bite my lip at political-leaning talk. Mild frustration with puppy & hubs. Enjoyable bonfire time. Regret that I wasn't more productive, but it was lovely to be lazy.

Friday, May 27

Body: Okay. No aches or pains or unusual fatigue, pretty normal day.

Brain: Busy, slightly overwhelmed with various to-dos. Lunched with my BB. Farewell-for-now to CJ. Exciting Relay fundraising stuff. Plans to work on that a bit over the weekend. LAE stuff to do at home. Busy busy. Yet time to chill & read.

Thursday, May 26

Body: Another night of bad sleep, definitely need to track calories. I keep waking up with puffy eyes, too, what the hell? Body felt squat soreness (was there yesterday, too) but it felt okay once I was moving. Yet I failed on a 235 deadlift. I almost cried. I JUST started running again, and my deadlift is already gone? Utter sadness. Slight weird twinge going on in my right hip flexor after that deadlift, but it went away quickly post-session. Couch to 5k was still warm, but the cooling breeze made a dramatic difference, and it felt pretty good to run. We are at double digits!

Brain: NSS day happiness. Sharing fantabulous fundraising news/plans. Finished my 3-year budget projections and they are still not great, but not terrible either. But it's basically up to the boss boys to decide whether or not I'm worth it, and while I will fully understand if they decide I'm not (or even just not yet), I will also be completely crushed. Yet just in talking with Dustin about preparing to own SSS, I felt so lost and unsure and hesitant and like old me, depression me, sadface me, and I need to shake that feeling, I hate that feeling. I want to be confident me, and I don't know what's causing this other than "New" and "Scary" and "I want it so badly but what if I suck at it." Hubs is working on new job leads, and if he could just go make a decent amount of money that's actually only 40 hours per week which frees him up for side jobs to boost his intake some, I could lower my number and we could all be happier (well, except DBB). The load of stress I dumped a week ago by talking with boss boys has crept back on. I need a magic wand, please. PLEASE.

Wednesday, May 25

Body: Tired, a little achey in lower legs & feet. Road running is not for me, when just 3 miles has an impact, but twice that on trails gave zero aches. Extremely tired by just 1p. Since I had nothing pressing, bailed for a solid nap with kittehs, then lazed about until SSS.

Brain: Tired, a little cranky. Not interested in taxercising. Listened to a useless webinar today, and in the meantime I mocked up a plan to figure out CECs for my various certifications. Win win! But also: cripes, a lot of studying ahead of me. Good thing I love learning! Had a lovely afternoon playing hooky, but I am upset at how tired I am. Decided I should track calorie intake to make sure I'm actually eating enough. Fun at SSS, though a bit terrified that it's only me from here on out.

Tuesday, May 24

Body: Really & truly feeling better than I have in a long time. Session went great in terms of squats & pulls, but oddly my bench was kinda MEH, just felt off, slow, awkward. I felt that way all afternoon, myself. Eve couch to 5k was a HOT MESS, 84F & sunny & pretty gross. I created a walking excuse and enjoyed it. I hate running in the heat! Some aches afterward, particularly toe tendons (both).

Brain: Somewhat overwhelming day at NSS, felt like my to-do list only grew, although I did actually get a lot done. No chiefs talk which left me feeling a little rejected; even though I know my info is part of the hold-up, it felt like I was being avoided. (I kept telling myself that I was making up stories with no basis.) I spent many hours working on my spreadsheets o' projections, but kept having problems and not understanding why things looked SO dismal, until on my way home I realized I had created a faulty formula. WHEW, now I know how to fix it and I'm glad I didn't pass along bad numbers! Enjoyed C25k for the most part, but my brain has begun working on how to get more volunteer coaches so it isn't me & Dan over & over & over, committing ten weeks to this project. It's hard to have it at the same time as SSS, and I wish I didn't feel guilty about my two weekends away & taking Saturdays off. We just need a few more runners to care about it, and we'd be set.

Monday, May 23

Body: Decent, but extremely tight lower back by 3pm. Not helped by mental crank.

Brain: UGH to still doing taxes this time of year. Everything I touched today was either a disaster, or couldn't be finished yet, or both. Very much dislike. Extremely frustrating day. At NSS, CJ actually let me take charge of a couple pieces of it, reminding me that there's only one more night with him, and then FIN: it's all me. YIPE! At home, logged some hubs time & pet time, but not much. These short weeknights are really going to catch up to me. I decided I have to say no to a potential weekend with Amy & peeps up on Lake Superior because I have 5 straight very busy weeks, so I simply must keep my weekends as light as I can. I sure do wish I had greater capacity for all the things I want to do in my life.

Sunday, May 22

Body: Slept like a rock, finally, and got up feeling rested. Logged some more SHT miles before returning to normal life. Delightful fun at first, then suddenly the body was out of calories or coffee or rest or something, because it felt awful. Lungs would fail, then walking felt draining, but then running would be doable. Just ugh. Heidi & I sent Dan out for more/faster miles and we walked the tar all the way back to the hotel, and zero bits of me wanted to run that stretch. SO TIRED. Sitting in the truck all the way home was as awful as the trip up, and for most of it, I was unable to read without feeling barfy. That sucks ass, I LOVE to read in the car! (Same thing happened on the trip up.)

Brain: Wonderful outing with friends on fun new trails. Much chitchat with Heidi time, and gave her my card & gift, and cried all over her shoulder. I can't even think of her leaving without tears developing. One last visit to Lake Superior herself, cooling happy feet in her refreshing waters. So sad to leave. Hated the ride home due to feeling so rotten, but also because it was our last TROUSy hurrah up north with my Heidi girl. Once home, parents were there which meant I had to attempt standing around being pleasant for 15 minutes when all I wanted to do was crash. TIRED GIRL. But happy to be home with my beloved pets & hubs & bed.

Saturday, May 21

Body: Not as junked by the miles as I suspected. Tired, though (6.5 hours of TERRIBLE sleep), and coffee struggled to do the job. Beautiful warm sunny day (too hot, at times, even for standing around), not enough hydration & improper food (where was my protein?!), decent workout carrying totes and totes and totes as the finish line was torn down. Recovered decently by the day's end, but then was smashed with exhaustion.

Brain: Wonderful day. Started my morning helping with packet pickup, which means greeting excited runners, wishing them luck, and laughing with fellow volunteers. Moved out to the second/third aid station, hanging out with my book until my runners came through, at which point I'd get my sweaty hug, commence caretaking, then send them off with renewed enthusiasm. Delightful! Buddy Gregg did drop here, which was a bummer, but I then had the joy of chatting with him for the next hour.

We traversed to the fourth aid station to hang with Dan, and help tired & overheating runners of all stripes. I learned that women will open their sports bra for a handful of ice without question, and I already knew it would be their saving grace. It was nearly 80 on the ridges, and for spring Minnesotans, that's blisteringly impossible. Glad I could be there to share this trick, and I hope the AS workers used it when I left to greet my peeps at the finish line.

From here I actually detoured right down to Lake Superior, to stand in her, greet her, enjoy her soft soothing sounds. It was glorious and exactly what my brain & body needed. I continued to take care of myself by going to our room to eat, drink, sit, and read quietly for nearly an hour, then went to the finish line party. So many hugs, even more caretaking, and much rehashing of the battles. I love this.

Helped with clean-up, though I feel guilty that we left early but my peeps were going eating, and I was in desperate need of real food as well. Grand Marais fed us well, and we pet some beautiful husky puppies, and then we absorbed the lovely, rocky, chilly beach. Back to our room to rehash more war stories with Dan & Heidi, then early bedtime.


Friday, May 20

Body: Decent. Absolutely did NOT feel good riding up to Lutsen; had fat fingers & everything. But after being there for about an hour, DQ & I headed out for some SHT miles. My lungs struggled more than the rest of the body (humid) and the second half actually felt better than the first. We finished in the dark, past my bedtime, but I wouldn't have changed a thing.

Brain: Great, fun, busybusy morning at NSS so I could leave early to head Up Nort. Much fun riding up with a pack of excited besties. Perfect breakfast-for-supper at my favorite restaurant. Fabulous hotel discovery (room: cheap, nice, comfy, perfectly located), fabulous trail friends seen, fabulous trail miles gotten. I was Little Miss Hippie Girl out there. I thanked the trees I used as round-the-corner handles, I talked to the moon, I talked the river, I patted a big old rock and thanked it for being it. Bliss.

Thursday, May 19

Body: Feeling good. Stiff each morning in lower legs, but that's it. Session went well; deadlifts heavier than I want them to feel, but still: logging 225x4x2 on an off day, 5 days post 1RM, it's not such a bad place to be. Couch to 5k was rough because we tried to go slow, had no front-runners, until Brett & I just kind of went and kept circling back to the group. Was lovely to run & chat with him, has been too long.

Brain: I did it. I gave the boss boys my number. I tweaked my spreadsheet to feel confident about my numbers, considered printing it, but decided to wing it. And then Dustin suggested it be a walking meeting, and I can promise you that made it a million times easier for me. I learned, when I began to run with BK & HH regularly, that when you are side by side with someone, and you remove the intensity of looking into their eyes, your walls lower, you are freer, more open, more vulnerable. It's closer on the spectrum to talking to yourself, closer to complete honesty, because you can't see facial reactions and judgment (imagined or not) and close yourself off. You just talk.

And so, it was wonderful. I started with the number, and said I have been stuck there, and as the accountant I've been struggling, but I did come up with 5-10 hours of coaching being enough to cover my cost, and so I just had to bring it forward to the people who actually make the decisions, knowing it's not ideal, it's big overhead to commit to, but it is what it is. I said that I can drop my price $3k if I keep Saturdays at the tax firm, but that I would prefer to NOT do that, to NOT send my energy to that sinkhole again, I want to simply give all my energy directly to NSS, but I can't do it for any less because of the hubs' pay cut.

And then the conversation steered toward okay, if we are using me as a coach, who do I like working with, what about online coaching, what options do we have for new revenue streams, what might I like? What is my timeline, what are our next steps? And one of them was obviously for me to provide some deeper financial analysis (Update the budget? SERIOUSLY I WOULD LOVE TO NO JOKE! Nearly got it all done today!) and get me trained in on some things I'm still completely outside of right now, one thing Dustin's already thinking of for Tuesday morning.

Dustin went on and on about me being perfect for coaching given my culture, my own history, my client experience, etc, and I was frankly blown away by it all. I honestly didn't have any set expectations, I only knew I had to get it going and see what they said, but I didn't expect such a reception. Granted, financials will return the highlight to the number problem, and I could sense that Dustin thoroughly delegated that problem to Mike; but when they were still plowing forward with possibilities despite a number that I'd thought to be such a formidable barrier, I was astounded. And then at the tail end of our walk, we took a selfie for May Ray Day (as in, sun rays, go soak some up), and it just cemented how much I love those boys and the family they have created. I need to be a part of it.

I'm hesitant to share Dustin's enthusiasm for my coaching possibilities, knowing my mental and emotional M.O. (all in, all the time), alongside my more-limited capacity as an introvert. But, I also trust that I can very clearly lay out problems when I'm having them, and they will operate with the best of intentions, always. I have been able to sit in on a lot of mental gear-grinding when they make decisions, and there has never been a red flag for me, ever. I don't foresee the sort of ceaseless unstoppable overloading that was a regular basis of operation back at TS. Yet I'm also a little terrified, because the last thing I can stand to lose is that place. It is risky to put every egg into that one basket, but the payoff, friend, the PAYOFF. It's worth the risk.

It is.

Wednesday, May 18

Body: Sore but not overly so, a nice surprise that squats didn't even leave me aching.

Brain: Decent. Busy day at DBB doing assorted projects. Busted out early to get to NSS to work on cleaning up some of the SSS billing/paperwork. Basically shadowed CJ coaching SSS, which was sorely disappointing, I didn't feel like I was doing much at all, felt very superfluous. Managed to tell myself that I will soon be the only coach so this is fine learning, take notes, do what he does. Because motherfuck, he is good, and I can't believe he's going to stop doing this. We will all be much poorer for losing him.

In the morning I finally screwed up my courage and emailed the boss boys that we had to please talk about my price. We set a time for tomorrow. Gulp. Wrote up the ideal talking points, knowing I will stray and I won't be able to get it all out, but it helps me to write things down and at least give some focus to my swirling thoughts. At one point, just full of fear, I told myself that the worst they can do is say no, and things stay as they are. And then I immediately wanted to cry, because while right now is okay, tolerable, sustainable, my heart is screaming for this change. Like a banshee. I need this change.

Tuesday, May 17

Body: Terrible sleep; woke often, and wide awake at 4, so came up from a deep sleep at 5:15, ugh. Body sore all over. Lifting was so-so in that squats felt amazingly great, pulls backward, bench started out solid but dwindled. Eve couch to 5k was hard because I have to go so slow. 10-11:00 pace is hard on my legs, I struggle to find a balance. Already...this is week 3!

Brain: Great day at NSS, fancy new desk setup, much work to do, many bossboy projects, took a task away from Dustin, took pics of the new shirt for social media, and also played with Dustin over his goofy "senior pic poses." Did not bring up FT because I was not brave, and because boss boys are more than a bit overwhelmed right now. Hard to say when they WON'T be though. But at the end of the day there was an email from Mike that breezily dropped a project that I just know will be incredibly time-consuming, and I want to do it, but I also don't know how to do it in the 8-ish hours per week that aren't already booked solid with required weekly tasks when those 8 hours fill up so fast with random one-off projects already. I nearly replied with "let's talk about FT" but I thought I'd try again to see if I can offer them a better number. I can't. It is what it is. Had a short chat with Hop about it all, and he seemed to interpret it as me saying it's his fault I can't work there, and I suppose it kind of is, his pay cut prevents me from taking another. But we are still in a much better place than we were when he was making $15k more but hated hated hated his life. I don't want to go back to that, no sir. We'll figure it out.

Monday, May 16

Body: Slept like a rock, but got up exhausted. And hurting, mainly in the glutes/hips. Lower legs usually scream about running, but they were silent today, so that's a plus. Upper back a touch sore. Everything felt a little worse as the day went on.

Brain: Felt like Garfield does about Mondays. Crankypants in a major way, just tired and tired of being at DBB. Weirdly my visit to the eye doctor made me feel stupid and helpless and rotten, because they make you take out your contacts and suddenly you are mad vulnerable, unable to see anyone's face - a very strange feeling, and I hated it. Back to work, and the afternoon flew by because I met with a woman who needed basic QB help, which of course I adore, but there isn't nearly enough of for me. Left determined to talk to boss boys about FT NSS because I am getting all sad about this now. Wonderful quiet evening outside with pooches, then inside with kitties & a book.

Sunday, May 15

Body: Got up feeling surprisingly good. A touch stiff all over, tight right bicep, and hams that didn't enjoy foam rolling, but otherwise nothing. Logged a lifting session in which the press was a grind but do-able, squats felt fantastic, dead-hang wide-grip pulls felt gorgeous, and bench was a grind. So, moderate results / best I could expect. I was even considering some sort of deadlift variation, but played it conservative and kept recovery at the forefront. I would really love to Do All The Things and wish my body would comply, but I have to keep reminding myself that it won't. It just fucking won't, and I have to accept that. Spontaneously joined the TROUSers for a Sunday afternoon LCSP romp that went better than I anticipated. Hanky needed water breaks that I also appreciated, and we took a full detour for a 10-minute walking spell that I kind of needed more than he. Other than that, 6 miles is damned impressive for us both! And afterward, I was dead tired. Couch time, yo.

Brain: Good. Quiet morning that included sitting outside in the sunshine with coffee & a book. Chores accomplished. Put together some numbers for boss boys that are a little less terrifying than I suspected they'd be. Hammock time. LCSPing with pals and pooch. Dog park to visit Hank's girlfriend (and like a dozen other energetic dogs). Sunshine and relative warmth. Love me some Sundays, man.

Saturday, May 14

Body: Got up feeling good; not great, but no aches or anything. TSC results were satisfactory, but yet of course I'm disappointed. But I mean I REALLY wanted that deadlift PR and instead I only matched my existing (although it was certainly a smoother one than it was last week). I was surprised that my grip gave out on flexed arm hangs, rather than my arms/lats. Frustrating, and while it was a 3-second PR, I REALLY wanted to hit a gorgeous-sounding 90 seconds, damn it! At least I kicked ass in snatches, the one event I didn't have the least bit of anxiety about. A couple months ago, I had done 150 with a couple seconds to spare, having started slowly that day, AND before learning the speed switch, so I had full confidence 155+ was on the docket, 160 within reason. Hitting 162 was amazeballs! Spent the rest of the day eating, napping, and lazing about. Hubs gone to races meant I could enjoy precious silence for recovery.

Brain: Did not enjoy feeling anxious and doubtful all morning, hating the idea of a competition day and wishing I hadn't signed up, but as I dressed to finally head out, the switch flipped and I was excited. And once I was there, it was a total blast, of course. Grateful I had no other plans and could just laze about in peace with my pets and my books. Plus there was much chitchat via text with assorted beloveds, thoroughly lovely.

Friday, May 13

Body: Poor night of sleep; I forget which pet is to blame. Was fine until mid-day, impacted by not leaving for lunch (no mental/physical break) and having the place full of people/noise into the afternoon, as we moved furniture and wiring and put up shelving, a hefty dose of chaos in preparation for our impending newbie. For a while I was gritting my teeth in annoyance and wanting everyone to Just Shut Up, so I tried putting in more calories and shaking up my tasks, and that helped. Took it very easy at home in the eve, immersed in a new library book.

Brain: Busy and good all morning until the energy crash. Better after I got past that. Worse at home as I let anxiety creep in and in and IN about competing in the morning. Fears of failing, what if I suck, what if it's weird, why am I doing this, I hate the attempt to do well on a specific day, that's not how my body works, etc. Fairly exhausting.

Thursday, May 12

Body: Was a bit sore from squats. Deadlifts felt heavy in session, which broke my pure excitement for Saturday and introduced a bunch of anxiety. Couch to 5k was made delightful when I fucked up on my calculated route/distance and fixed it on the fly up by taking the lead group onto the disc golf course trails, and they LOVED IT. Whoop whoop!

Brain: Great day of NSS. Want to, NEED TO, be there daily. It's a magnificent change in my brain when I wake up on NSS days. Thinking less about taking a pay cut and more about how to sell the boss boys on my value. Feels unnatural for me to do that, but I am simply unable to find the costs to cut to take a pay reduction, so unless the hubs finds a pay raise, I don't have that option. Maybe I simply need to do my job and show the impact on finances more clearly rather than just giving what sounds like a large number and letting their brains see it as unmanageable.

Wednesday, May 11

Body: Calf is a bit better. Lower legs not as achey as they were after Saturday's run, so it must be the shoes. Also felt a lot better than I did after last week's squats, despite more weight. That's cool! Musta been the chips. Chips are recovery food!

Brain: Ugh, a foggy misty BLAH morning, and a BLAH day at DBB, feeling dumb working on a co-op return, followed by a slow project. Then I came home to stare at a spreadsheet aimed at making financials balance for me to work FT at NSS, and I just don't know how to do it without cutting out ALL FUN from my life. I don't have the ability to trade in all fun for NSS. One way to "almost" get there is to keep tax season being a thing (I was hoping to avoid that) but it's not enough. One other way is for hubs to make more money. Given his severe dislike of his job, that might happen. Or he might go elsewhere and make less. Fucksticks. I'm feeling the heavy burden of our lifestyle and its overhead, but also firmly protecting the things that keep me sane. In the meantime, I don't hate DBB; it's my second choice, and it pays well, and it doesn't involve hog manure or baking next to lava-hot tar...right?

Tuesday, May 10

Body: Things are feeling good, other than stupid right calf. That is getting better, though. Session went better than I anticipated; squatted 135x5 without any hip crank at all, which was still there for a whisper last week. Yay! Pulls continue to rebound, and bench remained solid. Evening C25k was chilly/misty while waiting, but it felt damn excellent once we got moving. I'm running as slowly as I can stand, which is not easy for me. It was nice to play with nose breathing, but there's only so far I can back off before risking IT issues. Lower legs felt better afterward than Saturday; think I need to stick with my cushiest shoes unless I'm on trails. Still, the left big toe tendon is crank the second I remove shoes - that injury is SIX OR SEVEN YEARS OLD. Insanity.

Brain: Great day at NSS, working on various projects: financial things for the boss boys, newbie marketing, inventory stuff, updating spreadsheets, analyzing contract data. Happiness.

Monday, May 9

Body: Why would my right calf be worse today?! This is super dumb. Entire body felt somewhat junky getting out of bed, though, no surprise after yesterday's gardening work. Decent as the day went on, other than right calf. Shoulder/back thing that tightened up yesterday has amounted to nada. Had intended to do swings at home, but when I left DBB, it was all I could do to avoid taking a nap. Strangely exhausted.

Brain: I do not like Mondays. I do not want to be at DBB anymore. I cannot figure out how much of a salary slash I can accept because the hubs is re-looking for a new job and I don't know what his income will do. Trying not to stress, because DBB is still my second choice in life which means it's not hateful by any means, it's just not NSS. Patience. (Not my strong suit.)

Sunday, May 8

Body: Junky. Tight right calf, and something in right upper back/shoulder tightened up during lifting. It isn't locked up, but it's a touch cranked, and now is not the time for crank! Kept the lifting very conservative in reps & weights & length, both because it didn't feel great and because TSC is now just 6 days away. Spent several hours on my gift to Mom: pergola clean-up, trimming endless vines & branches, weeding around asparagus plants, and transplanting hollyhocks. Probably gained a nice sunburn in the process, too. Body felt pretty good doing it, though.

Brain: Very good, despite junky lifting. Had a good time at the parents' doing a lotta work, followed by chitchat & laughing at dogs. Landed back at home just as the hubs headed to his mama's, but I hunkered down to eat, hammock, and read. The good life.

Saturday, May 7

Body: Feeling good. Couch to 5k was half running/half walking, and as soon as I got home, I was feeling it in my feet. I will have to sit out next Saturday morning, save myself for TSC; I refuse to give myself an excuse to suck.

Brain: A lovely day. C25k, lazy time in the sunshine with critters, writing, Dream Mapping, reading, chores, nearly nil obligations. A fantastic bucket-refilling day.

TSC is causing me to remember why I removed myself from competition for so long. I don't like the mental pressure, but mostly it's really hard for me to predict my good or bad days, physically speaking. The best-laid plans always turn out irrelevant, it seems. Even running, which is so easy in terms of clear, planned progressions, always spontaneously erupts for no discernible reason. Trying to plot a specific day to peak deadlifts & FAH has led to random deadlift-suckage and a tendonitisy elbow that has barely let me train FAH for the past few weeks. Damn it all.

Friday, May 6

Body: Low back still tight, but it's not bothersome. No real soreness from deadlifts. Really feeling the pull of trails on these gorgeous days; wish the TSC had been back on April 23! Lazy rest day.

Brain: Solid day of work. Stayed until past 5 every NSS day this week (supposed to be done at 4), and never even thought about it. Meanwhile, I hit a wall at DBB by 2 pretty much every day. ARGH. Lovely lunch with Timmy, and an egg & bacon delivery from my BB. More hammocking & reading in the eve, lovely; sent the hubs off to noisy, dusty racetrack, and didn't feel a lick of FOMO. I even found a little mental energy to spend on LAE race planning.

Thursday, May 5

Body: Still sore from squats, but otherwise was doing well. Session went great, reached 7 pulls on the rope but then grip went all to hell; a day of fantastic-feeling deadlifts meant I got to attempt an ambitious PR (265) and while it was slow, it drifted away slightly on right side, and yet I GOT IT. Fantastic! I think there might have been a second rep in me if I'd nailed the form, but I doubt a second drifter would have been manageable. HUGE confidence boost for next weekend. Eve Couch to 5k was HOT as blazes, a too-dramatic swing from recent temps, and a smaller group than I'm wanting. This early it's hard to judge whether I'm truly losing people or just a scheduling thing, but I sure do hope people keep on coming.

Brain: Another excellent day of NSS. I really love the variety; as time goes on I get to do more & more for the Chiefs and that makes me so happy, that I can take some bits off their overloaded plates. FT needs to happen. NEEDS TO. Quiet eve with books: bliss.

Wednesday, May 4

Body: Decent. Feeling some sore hamstrings from squats (and snatches, and swings) but otherwise pretty good. Energy fine. Wanted to go home and fetch dogs for a park visit, but I'm feeling extremely cautious for Thursday deadlifts & mock TSC next week.

Brain: Busy but too-quiet day at tax firm. Dislike the quiet time, it's just not fun to be there, even though I was doing several little tasks that I'd been longing to get to. Quiet night at home for hammocking & reading.

Tuesday, May 3

Body: Felt okay but wasn't sure what to expect in session. It went damn good, though! Hit 145 bench, first time it was worth trying in quite a while. (And then once again I weighed myself and am 4 pounds shy. ARGH.) Pulls went up, first set of 16 for months and months. Squats were a touch better on the hamstring, but still kind of there. FAH got to 60s without dying (though didn't have a lot more in me) and didn't do more sets to leave elbow alone. Snatched the 16kg in small sets to work on speed switches again. Was rough on calluses. Couch to 5k was easy peasy fun, and I have a speedster again!

Brain: Busy NSS day, but all good things. Great session, with fun stories from Dustin's conference. Lovely sunshine for our C25k outing, but sad that I wasn't overwhelmed with eager peeps. Still, I'd be happy to change one life, so I'll take it! NEW BARBELL ARRIVED, hooray! Super excited to use it on Sunday.

Monday, May 2

Body: Weird sleep, including a jerkface cat tromping across me at 445a. Alarm had to wake me: ugh. Did 160 SA swings, something I should've been doing for weeks (months?) now, as a happy-skinned substitution for snatches. But I know I can do it, so maybe the key is simply to do it 2 or 3 more times before Saturday to keep the mental certainty of endurance.

Brain: Booked a site for our camping trip in June. Yay, nature! Left work by 4p and sent shopping for some NSS work tops, trying to fill the time before the Relay meeting, but I couldn't. Two stops and I was DONE. Shopping sucks. Decided to skip the meeting since they usually feel like a waste of time anyway. Enjoyed time outside with happy critters and a pretty kettlebell.

Sunday, May 1

Body: Slept like a champion, 9 hours in bed. Lifting was hard again, but went quite a bit better than last week. Met up with BK for a walking coffee date that was thoroughly enjoyable other than the seemingly drunken dogs who don't know how to operate on leashes. Got home too late to nap, but one of my chores was bringing the hammock outside, and I took a little catnap in it: lovely.

Brain: Great night of sleep. Quiet morning, hubs didn't get home until it was lifting time. Listening to a thoroughly entertaining audiobook. Dose of BK. Charlie Bou's birthday party at the dog park. SUNSHINE. Catnaps. Hammocks. So much time to read.

Saturday, April 30

Body: Sleep a little sketchy, but got up feeling good. Had a small group for the C25k walk, which once again was chilly. Spent rest of day in a vehicle, for the most part.

Brain: Love the C25k group stuff so much. Did an hour's worth of NSS work to deal with month-end type things, and then had an arts & crafts spell making my cousin a cardboard fort. Rode to Cities, shopped at Whole Foods, hung with cousin's family/friends/many chitlins, rode back, then home to crash. I went to bed at 8:35 pm.