Tuesday, February 23

Body: Hips are still janky. Left feels like it may be the sartorius muscle, extending down toward the inner knee, but right hip is just pinchy up in the hip flexors. (Chris, today, was boggled that lunges are okay but squats aren't. Me too, buddy.) Left shoulder quite a bit more crank than it was a week ago, although nothing in session bothered it. Needed pool noodle on drive home, badly.

Brain: Dustin talked about me coaching again, and I was not brave. I could not open up, because I knew that I would cry, and I can not stress how tired I am of crying at that poor man. Self-talk afterward of course brought my brain low, I could not focus on the positive (they want me!), only the negative (I suck!). Then for my session, Dustin shifted me to Mike, then Mike shifted me to Chris, and while logically I know it was nothing personal, in my head, CIV insisted it was personal. Chris was fine, although I found it quite comical that he asked if I had ever considered whether stress impacts capacity; I am intimately familiar with this issue, friend! I know all about it, yet I hate it, and I hate admitting this rule applies to me; I insist on believing I will not be affected by tax season as badly as I truly will, and when it happens, I can't cope. After my session, the coaches all gathered to talk programming, leaving me feeling decidedly OTHER once again, and I didn't cope well. Short convo with Dustin at the end of the day helped to right me even though it was nothing about me; just talking about things I know & some silliness, it helps.

After work I went to the library and picked out three books focused on self-worth, comparison, and confidence. I hope it helps. If not, I need to see a therapist. I think I used to get my therapy from running with my beasties, and I cut that out of this year's program. Maybe that wasn't a great decision.

YES.



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