Sunday, February 14

Body: Woke h/s/g at 2a thanks to the high-cal supper, but I slept for a whopping TEN hours and got up feeling quite decent. Still some tightness in the neck/trap, but again an improvement over yesterday. Hip feels like nothing during daily life, though still an inkling of the crank in BW squats during my warm-up. I did feel the RIGHT hip (ferreal, what's up here?) a touch in lunges, so I limited them to three sets, but somehow I had a pretty kickass bench & deadlift. Later on I took the pooches for a walk. It didn't feel great, being such a battle of wills. As wild as they get in the woods, it's better there than in town. Not enjoyable. Pretty lazy the rest of the day, chores and reading. Heating pad on trap any time I couched it. No ibuprofen. 

Brain: Meh.

Big ups, like when lifting went well, so much better than expected. I almost didn't even try for fear of "failing," but I asked myself what Dustin would do, and the answer was "Figure out what's painless, and do that." So I did, with immense gratitude to the mini-Chief in my head. Chores knocked out. Tracking besties in their toasty marathon. Happiness while reading a fluff book with Clyde in my lap. 

But also big downs, like not understanding why I am so completely depleted that the sky fell on Thursday, why can't I maintain perspective, why am I so worn down by tax season when others are fully capable of so much more, why do I suck so badly, etc. I am stuck in this pit of hating myself most of the time. When there is a vicious, evil bully inside your brain declaring your worthlessness every single day...how can you possibly hope to feel normal? 

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