Saturday, February 13

Body: Neck/trap still a little tight, but it wasn't so bothersome overnight. Have high hopes for relatively happy lifting tomorrow. Also, think I forgot to log the ghee I've been testing, made in banana-bread muffins, and eating without reaction. Cool! Next I will try just plain butter. I don't actually miss anything about butter, but it would be nice to put a pat on French toast now & then. For supper I loaded up on pizza and AZ, for once less of a mental need and more of a physical experiment.

Brain: Doing okay, but I woke up from intense dreams in which I recall receiving a lot of hugs, and then spent my morning feeling lonely and acutely missing the hubs. 5 more days before he returns, and also 4 more Saturdays (including today) before I get a proper 2-day weekend. I'm not sure how I'll make it to either of those, but it's not like I can change any of it, so how do I stop dwelling? It occurred me that I could bail early today, since I seem to need it, yet...to do what? My people are all gone, or busy with their own lives. Sigh of loneliness. And today hubs kindly says he misses me, but unfortunately, I know that he misses me much differently than I miss him, and it doesn't feel like he misses ME at all - I'm very frustrated with MALES and also frustrated with myself for being such a FEMALE.

Side note: how in the fuuuuuuck did I ever train for a marathon during tax season? I mean, I know it never went well, but how did I ever even make it out the door? I can't fathom. I'm trying very hard not to hate this weakness, this inability to handle it, but I look at others who don't have this massive struggle to work this much, and it's really hard not to deduce I suck. Why can they do what I can't? Why can't I do what I want to do?

No comments:

Post a Comment