Saturday, January 30

Body: Solid; hip and shoulder are both feeling better. Tired in afternoon, though mostly mental. Vegged with book on couch, happily.

Brain: Knocked out an estimate on our personal taxes by 8am, and was relieved to learn we will have a refund coming. Just don't want to owe, that's all! Mental tiredness: 6 days a week is getting to me already. I don't get a Saturday off until March 12. Ugh, why do I do this to myself? But I get a paycheck on Monday, so perhaps that will remind me. Plowed through a bag of chips at supper and felt badly, because I've been paying too much attention to fat loss discussions, and it's fucking with my head and body acceptance. Ugh. Easily annoyed by everything, including texts from friends, so maybe I'm just overly tired - a legitimate possibility.

Friday, January 29

Body: Felt awesome, hip is doing a bit better every day, although I have ZERO idea why, since I've been doing nothing for it. Shoulder is also improving, didn't even use the couch noodle while reading tonight.

Brain: Solidly productive day at NSS, along with doses of silliness. Feeling tough when Paige & I easily moved some heavy equipment. Plans to come back Sunday to help relocate equipment again (turf is being cleaned) and film long-planned silly video with CJ & Hanky. Snuggles on the couch with my loving orange kitteh.

Thursday, January 28

Body: Felt great, session went great. Deadlifting was smooth and cake-like, and I almost asked at the top of rep 2 (of 225) if I really only could do 2...such a great feeling!

Brain: Awesome day at NSS, as usual, but got home feeling like a book and the couch were my only mental options. Luckily, my life is well-suited to such desires. Handed book #4 to the hubs, another from Dustin. I fucking love this.

Wednesday, January 27

Body: Up before 5a, AGAIN, what the eff, Hank?! Shoulder continues to be happier than its recent past. Hip continues to be a problem. Sticked it last night, will try to at least be doing that daily, since "nothing" doesn't seem to be helping it. A couple blemishes surfacing, for which I blame the Arctic Zero, as I had one every other day or so in the past week, as a test. So SOMETIMES a pint of AZ is fine, but MANYTIMES of AZ is no bueno. I guess I can live with that.

Left work early, dashed home for my pooches, and met my running besties for a fun outing. Body did a lot better than I expected, as did Miss Lexi.

Brain: Decent, though tired. Looking for distractions all day. Lunched with the parental units. Happy dogs, happy time with friends.

Tuesday, January 26

Body: Tired; Hank keeps sprinting around before 5am for some terrible reason. Feeling the hip aching, but shoulder was better. Session results reflected these problems. Managed some kickass flexed arm hangs in the afternoon, all the way to 60/60, 30/30, 20/20, 10. Whew!

Brain: Awesomely busy day at NSS once again, doing the huge variety (create a marketing display; take out massive pile of recycling; accounting stuffs; develop a spreadsheet of apparel sizing info, which included inventorying all on-hand sizes, to streamline future ordering processes - I LOOOVE being able to do alladese things). Nice meeting with Chief, and got to brag about him on FB. Spontaneous Caribou date with my BB, much wonderful chitchat that ran late yet could've gone twice as long. Plans to run/walk tomorrow with all my trail beasties (literally, including the dogs!).

Monday, January 25

Body: Felt decent, and plotted myself a smart "do what feels good" workout, but by the time I got home, only laziness felt good. Much reading done instead. Whelp.

Brain: Very busy day of taxercising, doing the work I enjoy most. Mentally spent by the time I got home, so a happy night quietly reading with hubs & critters.

Sunday, January 24

Body: Crappy sleep after dreaming about people being held captive and gunned down trying to escape, thanks to the hubs' shooty movie before bed. AND, Hanky was up and at 'em before 5am. Jerkface. Body feeling good and rested. Left hip thing is still there. Lifting went poorly; squats angered hip and I couldn't find a happy place; bench good; deadlifts extremely heavy so I cut them a full set short. Pinchy hip continued all afternoon, even when I was just shifting around while sitting on couch. Very sleepy all afternoon, actually dozing out on our drive back from birthday party, and I nevah sleep in cars. Straight to bed when we got home, and logged an hour out cold. Felt fairly junky after that in terms of body aches. At bedtime, dizzy and nauseous, very concerned I was getting sick.

Brain: Started out the day with coffee & a book, bills paid before 7am, 3 blog posts scheduled by 7:15, and workout planned within 5 minutes (pretty easy when it's "Do All The Things"). Then hellz yeah, more reading time until the hubs wakes and I can slam some iron! But then lifting was MEH, godchild's birthday party was fun, and rest of day was very low-energy BLAHness.

Reflection time.

My core desired feelings are: Generous, Radiant, Inspiring, Thriving. My word for 2016 is BRAVE.

Looking at the past week: Things were mostly good, but it ended with me feeling fairly depleted.

My core desired feelings were most evident: At NSS.

The highlights were: The huge variety of work I did at NSS.

The low point was: Feeling like crap in today's workout.

I am frustrated/dissatisfied with: Thinking so much/negatively about my body comp.

I want to change: My attitude about so many things.

I was most grateful for: Having a silent house.

I learned: That I'm ready to let some friendships fade.

I had a great connection with: The Jane girls.

I want next week to: Remain commitment-free.

Saturday, January 23

Body: Kind of almost slept in. Feeling pretty darn good. Getting the tight lower back at standing desk: I definitely lean the hips in way too much at DBB.

Brain: Decent, for a Saturday workday. Came home to precious silence and an hour on the couch reading. Hubs time kinda sorta eating supper together, then I read even more while he watched a shoot 'em up movie that was purely depressing and gave me bad dreams.

Friday, January 22

Body: QLs tight today, and low back got pretty tight by mid-afternoon, despite a lunch break of sitting. Again I thought maybe I should work out when I got home, but I just didn't want to. Brain tired. Well, whatever; as long as the brain is doing well without more, I won't push much. I do keep trying to be conscious of my nutrition, though, because I should be eating less if I'm lifting less, and I feel like I'm at the top end of what I want to have for fat stores. (Hence, I bypassed a pizza purchase tonight.)

Brain: Lunched with BK. I like filling my Friday lunch slot with pals. And Trav's. Again a workday of a big variety of fun tasks: NSS is just the bestest. Eve silence, reading with pets and wondering where the hubs was, but feeling like a sullen teen who wasn't going to ask if he couldn't be bothered to tell me.

After work I hit the Grain Bin for some junk food & stuffs, and I discovered the rolls I was eating a couple weeks ago have DAIRY, ingredients #2 & #3. WTF! WRONG ROLLS. That explains the massive acne I blamed on my fake ice cream. I guess I should have remembered the color and SLIGHT name difference between the rolls I can eat safely and the one that made me hate my face/self/life for two weeks, but I hadn't bought them in many many months, and they had only ever even carried the one version at GB.

I hate food sensitivities. They completely fucking suck balls.

What I bought and made me hate everything.

What I can eat, and GB used to stock, and made my days happy.

Thursday, January 21

Body: Decent. Little aches yet from Tuesday. Kickass deadlifts, though. Today in session, I had the thought that drop lunges may be causing my left hip thing?

Ate ice cream tonight, time for testing that.

Brain: Such fun at work! Website code. Research printing costs. Update graphs. Accounting stuffs. Lift heavy things. Meeting silliness. I lurve NSS. Evening reading yet again, with the hubs, who is about to finish his second book in like 3 weeks, also his second book in like 18 years.

Wednesday, January 20

Body: Pretty good. Shoulder a teensy step backward, using the pool noodle to drive to work, but I didn't NEED it need it. Some squat soreness, some bench soreness, but purely recovering muscles, no worries.

Brain: HA HA! I typed "July" instead of "January." I FUCKING WISH. Also, sleep has been a bit crappy lately, so I think that explains ^that^. Grabbed some groceries before work, in an effort to have mental energy for a workout when I get home. It was weird to be the only customer at Coborn's, but the clerk & I had a nice chat about how I prepare my shaved Brussels sprouts (in bacon grease, with eggs). Got to DBB and a huge pile of work, and my first reaction was, "YES, FINALLY!" The long day flew by and I arrived home happy, but I still didn't want to do a workout. Finished a book instead. Oh, well.

Tuesday, January 19

Body: Glutes still sore, but nothing that felt badly in workout. Had a solid day of squats & bench; numbers nothing stellar, but smooth and easy-ish (considering) grooving shows the real progress. Left hip kept me a touch shallow on squats. Shoulder improved a bit, although it's still being a bit bothersome overnight. Knees slightly achey when squatting deep for scooping pet food & the like.

Brain: Awesome day at NSS, got to do some fun tasks and give advice on apparel and received a task (not started) involving website coding which has me a little geeked. In the afternoon, I had to sit down to tackle a complicated high-brain-use project, which is very common for me; talked with a client who also stands at work, and has the same issue. Weird. Library visit for THREE books, so I am set for at least 2 weeks. (I don't know how I forgot about libraries. You can just go in there and get a pile of books to take home and they are FREE and instead of donating them when you're done, you just bring them back. FOR FREE?! This is going to have a very positive impact on both my budget and my quantity of books read.) Eve spent reading one of those new books, by an author with whom I am internet friends, and it's a YA adult book but a super fun read. A good book & snuggles with silly pets. Does life need any more?

Monday, January 18

Body: Some soreness in lower body, glutes especially (I done good!). Shoulder better than it was on Saturday, what? I expected worse. Mentally too dragged out for an evening workout. I must combat this!

Brain: Solid day at DBB. Solid night of recovering.

Sunday, January 17

Body: Got up feeling pretty good. Logged a full-on meathead session: pure happiness. Left shoulder got crank on back squats (where bar sits on scap/trap area is just the WRONG PLACE, but I kept trying), and left hip was pinchy on set 1, but then the rest of the body was like, "Yo, this is so light." Bench was only okay: left shoulder got sketchy with set 3. Deadlifts were hard because I made them hard by completely stopping each rep, no rebound advantage. Overall, I'm going a fuckton heavier than I ever used to at home, and it's doing wonders for the body, and for the confidence. Due to left shoulder crankiness, didn't try snatches; also didn't have a lot of steam left for conditioning, so just a short round of it. Got to town early, so I swung through NSS to log flexed arm hangs, and did them in a new way: 40s on / 40s rest, 30s on / 30s rest, 20s on / 20s rest, 10s on. Brutal, but doable. Will continue down this avenue for a while.

Brain: Forgot to mention, yesterday I spent ALL DAY monitoring my NSS email to be ready if the powerlifting meet filled, and naturally it came while I was movie-ing with hubs; BUT it was someone that Dustin has talked about following on FB, so it is like another semi-celebrity rolling through our doors--exciting! Anyway I had to fetch the laptop and do work to shut down online payment, change our registration form to a waiting list, and then go back into the online payment and change the info to explain we were full (since some links went directly there). It was a very tense hour getting it all done while fighting technology, but it was highly satisfying; I was so proud that I had figured it all out ahead of time and knew exactly what to do - and delighted that I have the kind of bosses to whom I can send a text declaring myself to be LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING SORCERER.

Chores completed. Heavy lifting logged. Lunch with HB (I went out in the bitterly cold -9F [HIGH for the day] for her!). Hearing that my beloved HH hit her BHAG of a BQ marathon, SUPER pumped for her; can't wait to deliver a huge hug and hear all about her race! Snuggles time, reading time, reflection time.

Oh, did someone say "reflection time"?

My core desired feelings are: Generous, Radiant, Inspiring, Thriving. My word for 2016 is BRAVE.

Looking at the past week: I love that I was able to get together with Timmy & Mac and Holea, and I missed having Heidi time, even though it hasn't even been a regular thing anyway. I am so glad the library is back on my radar. NSS was fantabulous. I'm really pumped about how well my lifting is going.

My core desired feelings were most evident: Thursday & Friday at NSS. Everything just felt perfectly right.

The highlights were: lunch with Timmy & Mac (it's been too long), and the NSS staff meeting (yep).

The low point was: feeling very not-brave in my review, and walking out disappointed in myself for the things I didn't say.

I am frustrated/dissatisfied with: failing to be brave, failing to even try to be brave, letting fear control me.

I want to change: my response to fear's voices. I haven't been using the new/improved voice in my head to combat that voice. Must work on it.

I was most grateful for: Hubs. Timmy. All of NSS.

I learned: that not running on Saturday makes Sunday lifting feel hella better.

I had a great connection with: MB.

I want next week to: include a puppy playdate with Heidi, and another library visit. And also BE WARMER.

Saturday, January 16

Body: Can't remember if I mentioned that I figured out how much protein I was getting the other day, and it was crazy-low, not even 50g. So I thought I'd see if I could find a protein powder to make it easier to get more, and my Paleo Protein arrived today. Will use daily and see if face tolerates (has stevia, not sure if that will be a problem). Taxy day, low back felt better than yesterday at NSS, but still got tired. Shoulder a bit better than it was a couple of weeks ago; outer left hip still weird; QLs a touch tight yet.

Brain: Taxy Saturday had some good parts, some lame parts. I held back from volunteering on a task that is overwhelming others; it is most beneficial (from a long-term view) that it go to someone who is there year-round, and I'm (really^10) hoping that I'm at NSS full-time soon enough that it's better to be assigned to someone else. Still, I felt guilty for not volunteering, and for not explaining why. "Sorry, y'all are my second choice, and while you're super stellar, I just don't want to be here half as much as I want to be there." I'll say it when I have get to, but I don't want to make a thing about it now. I do love it there, but my bliss is at NSS. At home in eve, had tons of time for reading and even a movie with the hubs & the critters. If I keep up this reading rate, I'll average a book a week with ease!

Friday, January 15

Body: Felt good, bit stiff from lifting. Lower back got very tight by the day's end, despite an hour of sitting at lunch. No workout when I got home; too many little/busy things to get done, ran out of steam and needed to be DONE with my day.

Brain: Lunch at Trav's with Timmy & Mac. Super excellent day at NSS: very productive, tons accomplished, left my week on a high note. Quiet time to read while hubs watched snowmobile racing streamed over our FAST home internet (upgraded to 6x old speed for a whopping $20/month more...why didn't this get done 3 years ago?!) and even started his book, too. Nice, chill day.

Thursday, January 14

Body: Feeling good. Session was awesome, another of those days where I wanted a ginormous gold star for stopping at two deadlifts as told. Love them feeling easy. Dustin said to keep up my home sessions the same: do what feels good, don't push what doesn't, see where it takes me. I can handle that.

Brain: NSS day delight. Somewhat frustrated by unproductive interruptions again, but I did get a lot done (just not all I wanted to), and I left on a high note after being the uproar (that's a good thing) in our staff meeting, and I managed to spend my entire workday completely barefoot (love). Then I knocked out FOUR errands, including wandering around Fleet with a 14-lb bag of bird seed in each hand, followed by both in ONE hand while I carried a package of light but awkward mats for my basement workout space. Felt like a total motherfucking badass. At home, Hank still let me squat him (barely), and hubs got home after I had time for fetch, bird feeder refill, eating, AND mental decompression. Good things. Great things.

Wednesday, January 13

Body: Tired. Took ages to fall asleep (monkey mind, or late-eve black tea?) and then woke often; I think the faint glow of the outside light (normally off) was enough to cause that. During work day, plotted a proper meathead's accessory workout: delighted to get to it! Kinda ran out of steam by the time I got home, but I kept it at a level of "curious" to figure out what was challenging and enjoyable both, then skipped the idea of a finisher.

Brain: MEH to start, but fun misc work at DBB. More women in the [almost-full] powerlifting meet! Lunch with the parents. Reserved a book at the library AND reordered Lexi's pills, just adulting left & right today! Some days that feels monumental. Hubs time, which included book talk - I put two books on my library list for HIM. He has not read a book since high school, read a good one from my dad last week, and wants more. YESSSSS!!

RELAY FOR LIFE WEBSITE SAVED. I almost cried with relief. It means so much to me that I have it so very highly personalized, and I want to keep carrying it forward like that. YAY for people who are awesome at technology!!!

Tuesday, January 12

Body: Decent. Session was okay, nothing stellar. Squats okay; outer left hip flexory area didn't pinch below parallel, but was still feeling weird. Pull-ups slightly better than recent past. Bench okay but should not have gotten greedy to try for 135 (strength was there, exact technique was not). Felt extremely tired by the time I got home, but was probably all mental.

Brain: Good most of the day. Had afternoon review with boss boys, and left things unsaid that I wanted to say, and I was not BRAVE, and I hate how I feel now. I must remember that. Must. Being rejected would be easier than not knowing and making up stories in my head instead. This left me feeling quite MEH afterward. The brain was helped by finding FLOW in a deeply complicated spreadsheet, but my coworkers' unhelpful admonishments of "Why are you still here?" easily erased it. (Dearest coworkers: it's because I have tons of shit to do, and I'm most productive when you are not interrupting me, so SHUSH.) At the tail end of my day, I spent time on the phone trying to recover my lost Relay for Life fundraising page, destroyed by using their [apparently shitty] app to update it. (I don't have the info elsewhere. They will tell me within 48 hours if the old version is recoverable, stored somewhere. Please please please, it's 8 years worth of fundraising data, I NEED IT.) At home, life was better, and the brain came up a little bit. But only a little. Went to bed with a racing monkey mind.

Monday, January 11

Body: Feeling yesterday's session, in the form of sore muscles. Shoulder is fine. Still a niggling something in the left hip flexor (maybe more outer hip/thigh?), but not in daily-life movements. Left QL/low back is tighter than right.

Brain: Fun, detective-y tasks at DBB. Even more women in the powerlifting meet. Chitchat with my runner pals, including talk about the LAE races 5.5 months away already - planners! Sheesh! Relay meeting was great times.

Sunday, January 10

Body: Slept in til nearly 7 - thanks, Hanky! Body felt okay, not as amazing as last week, but my basement lifting was pretty damned solid. Left hip flexor did NOT like squats unless I kept them shallow, so I did. Shoulder tolerated everything, didn't seem worse. Deadlifted what I had wanted to do on Thursday, and it didn't even feel as good as that day had felt, yet the left hamstring acted exactly like the right one, NBD. #WINNING! Followed that with eating big and napping with the kittehs.

Brain: Happy to sleep in. Happy day o' chores, happy lifting, happy not to leave the house into the redonk cold, happy to nap. Finished my Nick Offerman audiobook (dude is the BEST) and am now relistening to DeeLaPee, since my BB talk left me realizing I had first listened while in a very bad mental place (Boston training) and now it might feel like a whole 'nother book. Worth the time, anyway. What I got better to do while lifting, doing chores, or driving? Nada!

Speaking of...

Weekly reflections:

My core desired feelings are: Generous, Radiant, Inspiring, Thriving. My word for 2016 is BRAVE.

Looking at the past week: it was so nice to get back into a routine. My life is awesome, not dreadful, and although the 4-day weekends were lovely, so are 2-day ones. Unfortunately, I'm at 1-day weekends for 15 weeks - but this one was fine. I didn't have piles of tax work with looming deadlines (ha: my fingers automatically typed "deadlifts"!), so I skedaddled early each day: to finish dad's work, to play with Hanky & Heidi, and to just fucking veg - because I listened to what I needed. I didn't move as much as I wanted to, but I moved as much as I needed to. And I read so much more than I needed to!

My core desired feelings were most evident: during girl-talk with Heidi about being authentic, being honest with yourself about how much to take on, the dangers of comparing yourself to others, and forgiving yourself for your lack of perfection. Everything I said felt like such a no-brainer to me, but it all seemed mostly new to her. I need to talk more like I write. Be generous with my words.

The highlights were: running with my pooch and my Heidi, feeling amazingly strong on Thursday, and supper with my BB.

The low point was: feeling completely MEH about life on Thursday morning, at my favorite place - and not being entirely sure what caused it, thus how to prevent it.

I am frustrated/dissatisfied with: the resentment I sometimes feel when no one seems to notice my extra effort. I'm not doing it for them, I'm doing it for me. And I obviously notice. And that should be enough. Always.

I want to change: my internal dialogue. Instead of the usual cunt who berates everything I think, say, or do, I'm trying to combat her with the voice of a movie's stereotypical old black grandma who speaks with love & forgiveness, but sharply cuts through the bullshit, right to what's really important. (Most of her sentences would start with "GIRRRRL...") I think, given enough time, she might help me kill that awful cunt, and bury the body. In all seriousness, it's a habit to use the cunt voice, and I'd like to make it a new a habit to use the grandma voice. Be generous with my self.

I was most grateful for: Hubs. Heidi. My BB.

I learned: the importance of appreciating whatever lift the body likes best right now, today, at this moment. Forget the plan and prior expectations; they are irrelevant. (I will repeatedly need to learn this, I'm sure.)

I had a great connection with: my BB.

I want next week to: include plans with Timmy, and a library visit.

Saturday, January 9

Acne: Have had acne proliferating on chin & forehead this week. Sadly, I have to suspect Arctic Zero. I went a long spell without it, and my face was clear for quite a while. But I've had a pint every 1-2 days for the past week or so. Will eliminate for a while. Once my face is clear, I will try having it once, and see what happens. Perhaps I can't have whey protein, or perhaps it's the sweetener, or perhaps I can only have it once per week - will do my best to deduce this one, because ice cream, yo. Chips also slightly suspect, so will continue eating them for now, especially since they are not so frequent, perhaps a bag per week.

Body: Feeling good. Still have some tightness in both QLs, and also the outside hip flexor on BOTH legs is now feeling odd. Those are weird. First Saturday of tax season, thus first week of 8-ish extra hours standing; will have to be conscious of that extra day of physical effort, not just the mental effort. Again considered swings & snatches, again decided against. Body okay, but brain a little too drained to allow the effort. Book & couch instead.

Brain: Slow-moving morning, let myself sleep in a bit (5:45!) and read extra before my Saturday workday. Admired the pretty sundogs - couldn't get a proper picture because the phone was dumb, and yet the picture I DID get was still gorgeous.

Small. Simple. Perfect.

Indulged in some serious silliness upon the first Saturday of tax season, decorating a coworker's office by hanging up her calculator tape - nearly made it all the way around the room! Desire Map planner time when I got home (thanks, BB!) which made my heart sing, then worked on my NSS reviews while my heart was so full of DeeLaPee-style abundance. Then in full-on sloth mode, I finished another book. Up to 3 for the year, and a 4th will get finished tomorrow. Holy crap! At this rate, I've got to go back to the library, or this hobby will get too damned expensive.

Friday, January 8

Body: Some all-over aches from lifting, but doesn't feel like the underlying fatigue of yesterday. NO shoulder anger, a relief, as deadlifts seemed a possible anger-maker. No workout; considered swings & snatches, but a supper date changed my plans (for the better).

Brain: Much better than yesterday. Much work accomplished, despite feeling overwhelmed by my to-do list just yesterday. Long day that felt entirely worth it. Still love that place deeply. Lunch with my BB got canceled, but then subbed a supper date in its place: yay and hooray! Delightful long chat.

Thursday, January 7

Body: Oddly tired, overall deep-feeling fatigue - I even sat down like THREE TIMES during the morning. Went into session feeling junky, but the workout felt GD easy - I REALLY wanted to nab a lot more deadlift reps, but let it ride as prescribed...perhaps a good idea to prevent feeling like junk tomorrow, no?

Brain: Also fatigued. Just feeling quite MEH about the whole wide world. Session helped a lot, as did potato chips, as did reading 100 pages of a fun book with three pets snugged up tight, and the hubs reading HIS book beside me!

Wednesday, January 6

Body: Up at 130a for LB, water, bathroom, took ages to fall back. WTF? Some all-over soreness from yesterday's session (hello, squat legs!) but nothing bad. Ran with my Hanky, Heidi, & Harper; not easy, but the slow convo pace was doable.

Brain: Good times at DBB. Super-dee-duper fun run; clearly I've missed my girl talk with my girl Heidi. May actually need to make this a weekly thing for the winter.

Tuesday, January 5

Body: Feeling very good, if somewhat sore from Sunday. Session felt the best it's felt in a long time. And fun! Slight all-over fatigue by end of day but not concerning.

Brain: NSS day happiness & fun. Tons of things coming at me, could have been overwhelming, but it was easy enough to prioritize. Super fucking grateful I worked last Thursday, lest I'd have been drowning today. Home early enough to log a round of fetch in daylight. Reading time. Hubs time.

Monday, January 4

I'm going to do this journal/blog differently. I don't think I need to document my nutrition & sleep in such detail anymore - I feel I know what I need. If I do get back to some diet testing, I will record nutrition again, but until then, no need. Instead, a simple brain/body scan daily to celebrate highlights or note things to keep an eye on, then I'll do weekly/monthly/quarterly reflections as per the Desire Map guidelines.

Body: Solid night of sleep. Slight low-back tightness from deadlifts, bit more pronounced upper-back tightness from bench. (Yay!) Standing at DBB all day, not a problem. Had plans for swings & snatches, but a 12-hour workday destroyed that plan.

Brain: Easy DBB day. Pretty snowfall. Super awesome fun watching the powerlifting meet registration fill up with WOMEN. Dad's bookwork, including relaying the renter situation and again feeling mostly right. Hubs time.


Weekly Reflections:

My core desired feelings are: Generous, Radiant, Inspiring, Thriving. And my word for 2016 is BRAVE.

And...Pause: Before another week comes & goes, take a mindful moment to review what just passed and where you want to go from here. Small habit, profound power.

Looking at the past week: I loved it. I loved the long weekend, but I'm so glad I worked on Thursday, because I know that makes for an easier first full week of January for an accountant. I ran twice, lifting went great, I read a lot, I wrote a lot, I took the dogs for a walk, the body & brain were both happy.

My core desired feelings were most evident: Finishing my pull-ups goal. Running/playing in the snow. WRITING.

The highlights were: Finishing my pull-ups odyssey, and reading Dustin's thoughtful words of celebration.

The low point was: Dealing with the shitty, hurtful words of my renter (who is also my cousin).

I am frustrated/dissatisfied with: How quickly I internalize the things others say/do.

I want to change: My tendency toward worry/anxiety, because that is a hugely problematic chronic low-level stress that I can control.

I was most grateful for: Hubs. Dustin. Quiet house.

I learned: I don't really want to set any 2016 goals. Sounds too exhausting. I just want to track some specifics and see what I can accomplish via simple consistency. (Although...I am going to see if it's reasonable to do 366 Hank squats.)

I had a great connection with: Paige.

I want next week to: Feel energizing & exciting & easy.

Sunday, January 3

  • GF dinner roll w/ cream cheeze
  • rice spaghetti noodles

Sleep: 10 hours in bed, 845p-645a, 100% quality. Fuck yeah, kids.

Healthy Movement: Body feeling very good. Lifting went well, with some notes: high-bar back squat bothered the left shoulder, downward pressure was on a bad spot; left hip flexor felt odd warming up, but fine during workout; bench was lower-rep per Chief, and it felt many tons better than it's been feeling at home. BEST NOTE OF ALL: traditional deadlifts (a) heavy (b) from the floor, for the first time in 6 months, with ZERO WEIRDNESS in that left hamstring, ZERO SHIFTING in that left leg. HOORAY!!! Dialed back the ambition, save KB playtime for tomorrow night.

Took the dogs LCSPing, full of frustration to start, then better after I turned Lexi loose - but I need to work on Hank more often. Still, very enjoyable to get out in the bright sunshine and fresh air. Must do my best to make this a weekly tradition throughout tax season.

Fun & Play: Morning writing with Clyde in my lap. Inspired by Dustin's 2015 reading tally, I renewed my Audible subscription and kicked it off with Nick Offerman - forgot how enjoyable an audiobook can be! Delegated all landlording to the hubs until his busy season starts. Nature time with my fools. Reading time. Chores accomplished. FB silliness. A return to my regular schedule tomorrow; really & truly looking forward to it.

Saturday, January 2

  • 1 larabar
  • ~3s olive oil potato chips
  • GF dinner roll 
  • few BWCs

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 11p-630a, 76% quality. In late due to movie, up earlier than desired due to dogs. Was in/out 430a onward, bah.

Healthy Movement: Body feeling really good. No aches from yesterday's run or the many swings. Ran snowy trails at Andes with a trio of "real" runners, three miles that felt like 8, oof. Felt sleepy/tired afterward, visited parents for family gathering, sat around like a slug.

Fun & Play: Slow-moving morning. FB silliness. An outing with a bestie (plus more!) in warm sunshine on a lovely winter day. Family time.

Stress Management: Renters, specifically a renter who acts like the world is out to get him, and we are horrible people, and we're going to have to send the sheriff if we want him out, and we'll see you in court, and etc, because we want to raise the rent by $50. It is challenging not to internalize any of his hateful rants. What other people do has nothing to do with me. I'm not being unreasonable. He's overreacting beyond belief, downright senseless, and concerningly unstable. And yet...UGH, so hard not to feel the horrible things he's saying.

I will say this: he said he was going to kill himself in the basement after the family gets moved out, because this has sent him over the edge, and that's going to be on my conscience. Well, both his girlfriend and his mother got screen shots of that, because I will never ever take any sort of suicide threat lightly. Never. It's imperative that we as a society stop joking about it, stop throwing it out as a threat, and stop ignoring people with symptoms of mental illness. I strongly suspect it was less of a threat and more of him being an asshole, but I have no way of knowing what is inside his head, so I have no choice but to take it at face value and share it with people who will know whether he truly needs help. I will not let that slide, not ever.


Friday, January 1

  • GF dinner roll w/ cream cheeze
  • vat of coffee
  • pint AZ

Sleep: 9.75 hours in bed, 945p-730a, 70% quality. Nah, more like 85%. Woke often 3a onward, to Lexi and the flap-flap-flap of her ears, but otherwise solid. And LOTS. That's the way to ring in the new year!

Healthy Movement: Morning ROUS/NSS run went okay. It was harder than I'd like 3-ish miles to feel, but it wasn't trails in woods, so that didn't help make it easy. The chitchat before, during, after, all made it worth it! More [trail!] miles planned tomorrow with Heidi & some other women, then lifting on Sunday, so I couldn't also lift today. But I could swing & snatch, and so I did.

Fun & Play: NSS early to set up ROUS run with the boss boys, even knocked out a couple tasks. Fun time running and SO MUCH FUN before/after. Bills paid. Tiny dose of retail therapy (that included saying no to a bunch of other stuff, win!). Fun with KBs. Supper out with the hubs, followed by vegging with critters in front of a movie.

This necklace has been on my "to buy" list for over a year; I had decided I would get it when I nailed a BW bench press. I still haven't, but so fucking what? I got within 5 pounds roughly a year ago, then shoulder problems sent me sliding backward, but I have been diligently working on my bench this entire time. I'm consistent, but the results just aren't coming. But if my effort is the only thing I can control here (and it is) then doesn't that earn me a little reward? Yes, dammit, it does, screw the internal cunt that always says I'm not good enough yet. She's wrong, she's wrong, she's wrong. She's always wrong, and the same is true for that rotten bitch in your own brain, my friend.

Thursday, December 31

  • 2 Larabars
  • Daiya pizza

Sleep: 9.25 hours in bed, 9p-630a, 84% quality. Again woke at 130a and needed bathroom, water, calories. Why the fuck is this happening again? Alarm went off at 530a and I shut it down and rolled over. That helped.

Healthy Movement: Body feeling good, though rather tired by mid-afternoon. Had a spell of chills, gut ache, and headache that made me fear I was getting sick, but adding water, calories, and an Aleve seemed to fix things. In the morning, though, I was sorely tempted to log 231 pulls and thumb my nose at Dustin (with aching elbows), but didn't. It was weird to have such a physical high yesterday, and then do absolutely nothing today. Spent the eve on the couch.

Fun & Play: Slept in. Spent the day at a closed NSS and got SO MUCH WORK done. I didn't need to do any of it today, but I got way behind over the two holiday weeks, and didn't want to start next week playing catch-up AND having extra work due to the new year. So instead I worked 6 free/unpaid hours at NSS to make next week perfectly lovely. I am 1000% sure it will be worth it. (And it was fun!) Home to finish a book before the year ended, Clyde & Hank snuggled up tight. Hubs time. To bed early like a rockstar.