Sunday, October 18

  • Bag olive oil chips
  • GF English muffin (also yesterday)
  • 2 Larabars

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 915p-545a, 85% quality. Felt worse than that; woke a few times after 2a due to a shifting Hanky. Really missed my own bed. Napped as soon as I got home.

Healthy Movement: Very tired. Needed to get a run in before seeing James on Tuesday, and figured I'd do it today in case I could also do one tomorrow. But it didn't go as well as I'd hoped. Crap.

Fun & Play: Lake Superior beauty. Coffee. Tired pooches. Nap. Seeing two of my W2R girls out on a run together (twice the distance of my sad run!), made me feel like a proud mama. MH chitchat on WD. KC chitchat - I told him I'd race the 50k with him next year if he's still at that level (dude may be 100k-ing it by then) which surprised me, who doesn't want to race anymore. But man, I don't know, there is just something about that never stops calling my name.

Stress Management: Feeling guilty about being gone while hubs was home. But when I got home, all he did was repeat his bitching and relay conversations he'd already told me via text last week. I did my best to let him rant, but I couldn't think of a thing to say. I just wanted him to either shut up, or actually talk to be about something positive, but I couldn't think of a polite way to tell him that. I can't even think of a polite way now! I'm exhausted from my weekend, and unable to care about his shitty, stupid boss. I hear it every pumping season, and the only answer I have is "find a different job then, I don't care where, as long as it has health insurance." But this is not helpful in the middle of the season, so I kept my mouth shut. I did the best I could given my own abilities, but I feel guilty that I wasn't better.

He also asked about me volunteering again this Saturday, what if he's home (they may be rained out for a couple days) - will I still go if he's home? I will. I must. I need it. It's the closest I can get to my beloved trail running, it's more fun than anything else during the best season for it, and I can't help that the timing sucks. I plan on being able to do whatever I want all of fall, because he's gone working, and his schedule is completely unplannable - so, fuck it, I'm doing whatever I want to do. I don't begrudge him the same during my tax season, so I don't think it's fair for him to act this way to me. But then I feel like a jackass for not wanting to stay home and see him. (But why would I, if he's just going to be tired & bitching?!) Lose-lose, for everyone.

Nature: Stopped by Lake Superior to tell her goodbye for the year. I love her so much. Found me a new beach spot of smooth rocks, gentle waves, calm bliss. I decided that next year, I need to come up at least once a month, refill my bucket. I mean I need it. Hubs could probably be convinced to camp up there regularly, get lots of hikes in. Must. Do.

Fare thee well, sweet beauty.

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