Thursday, October 29

  • 2 Larabars
  • pulled pork salad from Qdoba (deeeelicious!)
  • Trav's supper

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 9p-515a, 89% quality. Dogs keep getting up early again.

Healthy Movement: Core feeling quite good - told Dustin I could try TGUs in session, but he skipped them. Left hamstring felt the best it's been since I tweaked it; I always gauge my progress by how it feels in Greatest Stretch, and there was NOTHING THERE. EEE! Then, pull-ups and deadlifts all kicked major ass. Great day!

Fun & Play: Much fun work at NSS. Liking the new guy. Loving my first-ever Qdoba meal: easily customized to things I could eat, and perfectly delicious. Fantabulous session with my smartass pal J, who also killed All The Deadlifts. Donated blood in Osakis; last time I was at OCC was to vote, and the woman at the door knew who I was & where I lived (I couldn't even remember her name) - this time, I walked in right behind my second cousin Stan. Love it! Supped with BK at Trav's before a good haircut. Hubs home again!

Supper with Brian was awesome. Feels like I haven't seen him in forever (Norseman, I think, thus almost 6 weeks ago), nor talked to him since he bailed on me (twice) three weeks ago - that has been very hard, given I used to talk to him near-daily when I was at TS, and before Kate took all his spare time. Plus, I've been missing him while not-running, making it twice as awful. But it was just like old times, as I made a conscious choice not to bring up the shittiness. It was great, just chitchat & catching up & running talk & much laughter. I love that boy like he's my brother, and I can't explain why, I just do. As we parted, I told him that it was really good to see him, and he said, "I know, I'm sorry" and I immediately told him I forgive him. Because I do, of course: I cannot hold grudges with my beloveds. I wish to always to assume the best of them, and believe in them, and love them, no matter what temporary crappiness they/we might go through.

Most of all, though, I feel so much relief. I was FLOODED with relief as I drove to my haircut, physically near tears, and then I fully realized just how worried I had been about him, that he was perhaps depressed and stuck alone and here I was, being a shitty, put-upon friend who assumed he would ask me for help if he needed it.

I've been listening to the Break the Stigma podcasts, and it's hitting me more and more that if he was depressed, no matter how many times I've been there for him and told him I always will be - odds are about 99.9% that he wouldn't have believed that, and wouldn't have reached out. I'm 20 minutes into a podcast that's two mothers discussing their sons who died of suicide (I can only take it in like 10- minute chunks, because it's the saddest thing ever), and it's being reinforced so clearly that depressed people do not ask for help. They don't believe they can, that anyone cares, that anyone would bother to help them, because they are worthless. It's pretty much always 100% wrong, but it's what they believe. It's so sad.

And so, honestly, I feel awful that I didn't keep trying to reach out to BK. He's fine, thankfully, but what if he wasn't, and I sat here feeling like he was being shitty, while he sat there, being depressed and thinking terrible things, and believing them? As I'm feeling relief that wasn't the case, I'm vowing to be more of a Melissa Bump, spreading love and hugs and telling all of my people, over and over, that they are wonderful and I love them. How can that ever be wrong?


Wednesday, October 28

  • Larabars: 2
  • smoked almonds de awesomeness

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 845p-530a, 87% quality. Would've been amazing sleep, except the pets were noisy at 430a, to the point that I was just outright yelling & swearing at them. Jerkfaces.

Healthy Movement: Core is same-ish. Feeling squats immediately in the morning: yikes.

Fun & Play: Visited a client for QB fixes, a lovely, kind, fun couple of folks. As I left, the boss lady told me to "Stay young and beautiful!" Aw, I love doing this. Got a bit bored at tax firm, though, doing some easy stuff and then coming up empty on tasks. They are so busy here, but I keep running out of things to do, dang it! Hubs home!

Tuesday, October 27

  • 2 Larabars
  • rice noodles
  • pint AZ

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 9p-515a, 93% quality.

Healthy Movement: Upper back much better, but still a bit tight. Core not worse than yesterday despite the run, hooray for progress! James was visibly relieved at some real progress for once. Session felt excellent; pulls didn't go up, but quality did - I am now reaching 11 pulls with super strict dead legs. Pretty awesome!

Fun & Play: NSS day. Dustin meeting and much progress. James. New guy! Paige back! Good session, and with Timmy. Ran into the Burss family at the mall, very nice to chat with them. Quiet time at home. Reading.

Monday, October 26

  • 2 Larabars
  • rice noodles

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 9p-530a, 90% quality. Woke at 430a, delighted to have more time to sleep, but the alarm woke me from being out cold at 530a. Ugh, how on earth can 8.5 hours not feel like enough?

Healthy Movement: Woke up with a screaming-tight upper-right back. WTF is that about? It's bad, like I slept on it weird for hours, or like I've never ever done 35 pull-ups before, which is of course ludicrous. Frustrating. Core seems pretty okay, but if I give it a good jaunty-hip stretch, it reminds me that it isn't okay after all. Logged two miles on the bike trail, and it went okay. Not awesome, but better than the three milers have been going.

Fun & Play: DBB productivity. Printing 2016 calendars for my planner, and daydreaming about monthly camping weekends up north with Hop & the pooches. (Can it happen??) Left work early to run in gloriously cool fall weather. Chores knocked out.

Stress Management: I'm reading the book Fat Loss Happens on Monday, because the author is coming to NSS for an in-service in November (cool, eh?). Last night it was a section about the importance of keeping a food journal, what an immense impact that has on fat loss without any other effort besides that alone, and it brought up so much emotion, so much anger at how long I did that, with little to no results besides weight gain, binges, constant frustration, and massive disappointment. Why the fuck does it make "all the difference" to some people, but zero difference (or worse) for me? Not fair.

And yet, since I don't care about fat loss, why do I care? Well, because the book is written as though I (the reader) desire to lose fat (why else would I be reading the book?)...and so I find myself...desiring to lose fat.

It's like the book is insinuating I SHOULD want to lose fat and be "lean & hot & awesome" and it's pissing me off (can't I be hot & awesome without being lean?), but it's also acting as some insidious trigger, making me think...well, maybe I am too fat (too fat for what?) and maybe I SHOULD be thinner (why? for who?). Maybe this weekend of over-eating and under-exercising is the old lazy me resurfacing, and not actually the "new me" who refuses to obsess over this fucking nonsense ever again.

Because I'm finding myself so easily swayed into thinking about this, but not able to stay objective & unemotional, I'm worried. I'm worried this is going to trigger disordered eating again. I'm not sure I should keep reading it. But how else do I work through the mental bullshit and throw off the baggage of those years? Do I just keep believing that I'm okay now? Is it dumb to read this, or is this exactly what I need to do, to face it and realize that I'm over it, and I'm okay?

AM I okay?

I don't know.

Sunday, October 25

Nutrition: I've definitely been overeating this weekend, and I feel physically rotten: lethargic and bleah. Today I made breakfast sausage, started 24-hour ribs in the slow cooker, and I'll be fetching groceries tomorrow night for my salads. Anxious to stop feeling so sluggish. 
  • GF English muffin
  • bag of chips

Sleep: 10.25 hours in bed, 9p-715a, 84% quality. Let out dogs at 415a (WTF?!) and went back to bed. Woke to Hop's alarm, might've been able to sleep longer - really dragging after yesterday. Napped 1145a-130p.

Healthy Movement: Very low energy. Core almost normal unless I sit for a long time. Had both lifting & a 3-mile run on today's plan, and even got as far as plotting a lifting workout, but realized I basically felt like hell, and a nap sounded light-years better, so I did that instead. Decided to run Monday after work, skip Wednesday, and then run again Saturday morning with ROUS for a costumed breakfast run (hopefully). That is, if it lets me. I am really rather concerned about the difficulty of getting this thing improved. Managed some sets of pulls during/after supper. 

Fun & Play: Sleeping in. Chores done. Napping. Not leaving the house. Sleepy Clyde in my lap. Devoted Hanky at my feet. Fetch. New books. 

Saturday, October 24

  • 2 Larabars
  • GF English muffin

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 9p-515a, 83% quality. Had a h/s/g wake-up at 230a, probably due to a bag of chips as supper. Motel room was awesome, bed was not so much. Also forgot to pack my phone charger, but used sleep app for an alarm, and thus was paranoid the battery would die and I would wake up 2 hours late - also making sleep crappy.

Healthy Movement: Stood for 12 straight hours in new winter boots: not the most comfortable way to break them in, but it was chilly & muddy, and they were perfectly dry & warm. Drive home wasn't awful, but once I got there, the body certainly felt a bit trashed.

Fun & Play: Surf the Murph fun! Set up an aid station in the dark; drank hot coffee while directing runners and offering cheers & compliments & silliness, and chatting with a new runner pal; reconnected a bit with Matt and officially met Bob, pal of my Superior savior John; pet so many dogs, including a 9.5-week-old chocolate lab named Porter; chitchatted with Heidi while she took pictures & I shirked my real duties, instead keeping up the cheers & silliness. At noon I moved on to another aid station, full of chitchat with UMTR peeps, silliness like labeling the Grape Crush as Purple Drank, and experimenting with burning junk food in the fire. I was admonished for getting a hotel room the night before when Doug & Maria "live like 8 minutes away, and have two empty rooms, and just call us next time!" I love talking to Kevin, who is 17 but acts 27 and talks 77; it's just a delight to see a teen surrounding himself with adults who treat him as an equal, and I had a nice convo with him about BK. I was offhandedly introduced to Wilson (an amazing runner I watched kill some miles last year at Icebox) on his way out, but he stopped and held a nice conversation rather than getting on his way like I expected. I laughed my ass off at Todd & Wendy's antics, so very much smartassery flying at this AS. The race winds down and runners get really slim late in the day, so the runners who do finally come through, on the last lap of fifty motherfucking miles, receive the fanfare of a Superbowl touchdown. Just such a lovely, fun group, that although they began encouraging me to head home at 5p, and I wanted to get going, I just didn't want to leave them. I stayed until 6, my official end time, and 12 hours logged. Sped home in just over 2 hours, to a HUBS, home for the night only. Thrilled pooches & kittehs that I was already back. My own bed.

Friday, October 23

2 Larabars

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a, 88% quality. Dogs keep getting me up early, WTF?

Healthy Movement: Core still very tight, with slight improvements over yesterday. Sitting in a car for 2.5 hours didn't feel great, though.

Fun & Play: NSS day, with much productivity on a fun marketing project, putting myself & the new guy on the website, and a short talk with Dustin about a minor operational decision that just made me feel like an equal, valued partner (aw). Another weekend excursion to volunteer.

Thursday, October 22

  • 2 Larabars

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 9p-515a, 85% quality. Pretty solid, able to wake gradually.

Healthy Movement: Very angry core. Walking gingerly. No TGUs during session. Ran across the street and it hurt. Fuck all. Much massage and stretching at work, and an intense session at night.

Fun & Play: NSS, new tasks, happy bosses, happy coworkers. Seeing my BB! Getting to run errands on a perfect afternoon. Fetch on a gorgeous eve. Snuggles from Clyde while I finished a fantastic book. Retail therapy delivery.

Wednesday, October 21

  • Larabars: 2
  • rice crackers

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 9p-515a, 92% quality. Slept like an angel until about 4a, then happily snuggled back in, but then the critters got restless: gah.

Healthy Movement: Core is about the same as yesterday morning: tight. Not liking stairs.Went LCSPing anyway, see whether this thing is really getting any better: it's really not. I then went ahead and read some terrible stuff about tendinosis that makes me worry I may need to spend the entire winter not-running. I'm surprisingly okay with that, because it means more time for lifting. But...that's my social time with friends, dang it.

Fun & Play: Coffee. My taxy bosses = bomb dig. Fetch on another gorgeous evening. Time to read after knocking out like one chore. A super addictive book!

Tuesday, October 20

  • 2 Larabars
  • rice noodles

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a, 87% quality. Up early for no good reason. Couldn't even blame the dogs.

Healthy Movement: Core still pretty tight. Felt much better after James, but still tight enough to make me hesitant throughout the day. Fine for session. Finally feel I'm recovering at most things there, but running is going to be such a total do-over in terms of frequency, distance, etc. Sad.

Fun & Play: Rather than going to work early (despite it being a beloved NSS day), I used my extra morning time to read: lovely! NSS day. Dustin time. Timmy in my session. A good session. Little doses of progress in a hugely draining project. Fetch with the pooches on another beautiful night. Hubs stepping up to deal with renter issues.

Monday, October 19

  • 2 Larabars
  • rice crackers (um, this weekend, too)

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 845p-530a, 97% quality. Meh, not that stellar, especially when the hubs had his alarm set for 4a, but it was fairly solid.

Healthy Movement: Calves feeling yesterday's run: very tight. Core is pretty crank: tight each step, nearly pain on stairs. UGH, this is a slow recovery, feeling pretty frustrated.

Fun & Play: Good tasks at DBB. Retail therapy at (including books!). Quiet night at home reading a fun new book.

Sunday, October 18

  • Bag olive oil chips
  • GF English muffin (also yesterday)
  • 2 Larabars

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 915p-545a, 85% quality. Felt worse than that; woke a few times after 2a due to a shifting Hanky. Really missed my own bed. Napped as soon as I got home.

Healthy Movement: Very tired. Needed to get a run in before seeing James on Tuesday, and figured I'd do it today in case I could also do one tomorrow. But it didn't go as well as I'd hoped. Crap.

Fun & Play: Lake Superior beauty. Coffee. Tired pooches. Nap. Seeing two of my W2R girls out on a run together (twice the distance of my sad run!), made me feel like a proud mama. MH chitchat on WD. KC chitchat - I told him I'd race the 50k with him next year if he's still at that level (dude may be 100k-ing it by then) which surprised me, who doesn't want to race anymore. But man, I don't know, there is just something about that never stops calling my name.

Stress Management: Feeling guilty about being gone while hubs was home. But when I got home, all he did was repeat his bitching and relay conversations he'd already told me via text last week. I did my best to let him rant, but I couldn't think of a thing to say. I just wanted him to either shut up, or actually talk to be about something positive, but I couldn't think of a polite way to tell him that. I can't even think of a polite way now! I'm exhausted from my weekend, and unable to care about his shitty, stupid boss. I hear it every pumping season, and the only answer I have is "find a different job then, I don't care where, as long as it has health insurance." But this is not helpful in the middle of the season, so I kept my mouth shut. I did the best I could given my own abilities, but I feel guilty that I wasn't better.

He also asked about me volunteering again this Saturday, what if he's home (they may be rained out for a couple days) - will I still go if he's home? I will. I must. I need it. It's the closest I can get to my beloved trail running, it's more fun than anything else during the best season for it, and I can't help that the timing sucks. I plan on being able to do whatever I want all of fall, because he's gone working, and his schedule is completely unplannable - so, fuck it, I'm doing whatever I want to do. I don't begrudge him the same during my tax season, so I don't think it's fair for him to act this way to me. But then I feel like a jackass for not wanting to stay home and see him. (But why would I, if he's just going to be tired & bitching?!) Lose-lose, for everyone.

Nature: Stopped by Lake Superior to tell her goodbye for the year. I love her so much. Found me a new beach spot of smooth rocks, gentle waves, calm bliss. I decided that next year, I need to come up at least once a month, refill my bucket. I mean I need it. Hubs could probably be convinced to camp up there regularly, get lots of hikes in. Must. Do.

Fare thee well, sweet beauty.

Saturday, October 17

Nutrition: Tried eating extra to get energy after the crappy sleep; didn't work.
  • 2 Larabars
  • tons of coffee

Sleep: 6.5 (!) hours in bed, 930p-4a, 61% quality. Not nearly long enough, regular wake-ups from Hanky shifting around, noisy neighbors, a brain worried about sleeping through the too-early alarm. Ugh.

Healthy Movement: Standing most of the day, other than while I was driving around. Body feeling okay, wishing I were running - even wishing I were racing, surprisingly. Extremely tired; left my volunteering gig to board dogs and crashed without meaning to.

Fun & Play: WD races. Hanging outside all day long on a perfect fall day. Chitchat with my fellow runner peeps. Toting dogs along not being my WORST idea. Meeting many other dogs. Helping runners.

Friday, October 16

  • 2 Larabars
  • olive oil potato chips

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 930p-515a, 88% quality. In late due to WD packing.

Healthy Movement: Core still a little tight, but I probably could've ran. But too tired/no time/wanted to leave work early.

Fun & Play: NSS day. Much coffee. Boss's Day treats & cards. Wild Duluth weekend! Had a nice, scenic drive up, with relatively well-behaved pooches. I even decided to let Hanky sleep in the bed with me.

Thursday, October 15

  • 2 Larabars
  • rice noodles
Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 9p-515a, 98% quality.

Healthy Movement: Feeling the treadmill run, sad times. Good session.

Fun & Play: NSS day. Wonderful review with two of my favorite people. Fun team meeting. Packing for WD weekend.

Stress Management: The husband's pumping season is making me stressed. Things are not going well and he sends me texts full o' bitching, and I can't help him, so I'm tired of hearing him bitch, yet I also internalize his frustrations, and he's possibly coming home this weekend while I'm gone, so now I am starting to feel guilty, but I refuse to let myself feel guilty for doing what I planned to do and love to do. Exhausting.

Wednesday, October 14

  • 2 Larabars
  • GF English Muffin (also yesterday)

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 845p-530a, 100% quality. That's bullshit; I was screaming at dogs at 445a and too tired to get my ass up and just deal, so NO it was more like 75%, but thanks for trying.

Healthy Movement: Core feeling better than yesterday; really seems to be the massage that's making a difference, in my opinion. Legs a little heavy from squats yesterday. Still, despite that and mental fatigue, I went home and ran on my treadmill! Feels like my endurance is totes gone, threw in walk breaks to wipe sweat (no breeze!) and drink water and calm heart rate. Core felt tight about halfway, but better posture made it better. I think I'm sagging in my core, like bending forward at the waist a bit, as I run: gonna cause problems, obvs. Must focus on good, tall posture. Since I'm starting from scratch, basically, I even did it in Vibrams. Why not, right? Stretched (ow) and tennis-balled after the run.

Fun & Play: Getting (temporarily) caught up at DBB, yet knowing I will stay busy and could probably work there full-time if I wanted to (I don't) because this is what I'm good at, and they love me, and I truly enjoy it. (But NSS, yo, that is my bliss, don't get me wrong.) A run that didn't leave me limping. Fetch in the brisk sunshine. Hubs chitchat (texting, he's still far away). HB chitchat. Snuggles with Clyde while I caught up the past week or so.

Tuesday, October 13

Nutrition: I'm getting addicted to the idea of spaghetti. It's not enough calories and not any damned protein, so my solution was obviously to supplement with fake ice cream: win! Except not, I do need veggies. Back on track soon.
  • 2 larabars
  • Rice noodles
  • Arctic Zero

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 845p-515a, 93%. I keep going to bed early so I can get extra sleep, and the dogs just keep getting up earlier. Both of the jerks were prancing around before 5a.

Healthy Movement: James gave me permission to try running. My progression is treadmill, then asphalt, then trails. Naturally, I'm terrified of ending up limping for two weeks again, and worried it's too soon. But a treadmill gives me the ability to stop immediately, so it feels safe. (Although horribly boring.) BK & DQ got to go LCSP-ing tonight, and it breaks my little hippie-runner heart that I can't join them.

Session was with Steve while Dustin played overly-busy owner-Chief, and it was okay. Bench is coming back around, but it feels a bit on the slow side. (I'm greedy, I know.)

Fun & Play: NSS day! Happy coworker chitchat, feeling like we are all so happy that we're nervous to let a new guy in - that's a great place to be, I think. Dose of Dustin chitchat in the afternoon, made up for him pawning me off on Steve. Worked a bit late to make up for my extensive James time, and Dustin scoffed at the idea that it was necessary. Damn, I love that place. And I get to tell them just how much on Thursday in my first quarterly review! (Wonder if hugs are standard?)

Monday, October 12

Nutrition: Messed up eating today: worked right through lunch, offsite, then downed some snacks at like 1, along with a little leftover cold coffee. ZERO water until I got home at 6. Oops!
  • 2 larabars
  • Bag pork jerky

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 915p-530a, 80% quality. Tossing & turning a bit from 5a onward.

Healthy Movement: Sat all day, working offsite at a client. Body felt fine with that. Core a bit tight, not any worse than Sunday.

Fun & Play: Huge bonus at the client: TEN 7-week-old gorgeous precious Golden Retriever puppies to play with! Super dee duper adorable, even with sharp little teeth trying to destroy me, my jewelry, my clothes, and my shoes. Loved watching them and hearing about them and meeting the adult dogs, too. Fun client to chat with, and I left feeling like we both understand more, and her next tax season will be much smoother: win! Also, left while she let the puppies bound out into the yard, bouncing and hopping and rolling and tumbling and looking like a high-dollar dog food commercial. Happiness = puppies! Quiet house. Soon I shall really miss the hubs, but it's okay coming home to silence after so much people-time.

Sunday, October 11

  • rice (oh, and last night as well)
  • 2 Larabars
  • rice noodles

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 915p-515a, 86% quality. Napped when I got home, with the pets, around 3-4p. Not great.

Healthy Movement: Morning walk was the powerlines section, but without the powerlines, as I just didn't have time to traverse them and also finish when the boys finished. Core was feeling just tight enough to make running too scary to try. Hours in vehicle followed by laziness at home.

Fun & Play: Gorgeous silent forest. Sitting on a rock in the middle of a wee stream, listening to it quietly burble and gurgle and trickle along, merrily sharing the wonders of the world with me. Many pictures. Ice bath in the lake with Mike. Lunch on the deck, enjoying the sunshine. Happy pets at home. Nap time.

Stress Management: While I sat on a rock in the middle of a wee stream, I thought about my distant, removed, missing bestie, who keeps hurting my tender feelings with dismissal & absence. Decided that on the continuum of naviete and suspicion, I'd rather be a Pollyanna. I'd rather be the sort of person who continues to believe in her friend, trusting that any shitty treatment is merely temporary, having faith that a friend will revert back to the person I love, because that is who they truly are.

I don't want to be the sort of person who writes off shitty-acting friends as changed and no longer lovable, wasted time, moving along...forgetting that once upon a time, there was something more than worthwhile there. (I mean, within reason; if someone is being outright cruel or the like, fuck them.)

I think this is a good life decision. I want to be the sort of friend that my beloveds can always count on, even if they drift away, take me for granted, forget about me for a while, etc. It's life, and I suppose I can't be the center of everyone's world, and I will do my best to stop taking it personally. I shall trust that they will come back around to being the person I believe they are.

But again: outright assholes can fuck right the fuck off. I ain't an idiot.

Saturday, October 10

  • Larabars
  • Pint AZ

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 945p-515a, 72% quality. Up a bit late due to Train & Stay excitement. Slept quite solidly. Afternoon nap, around 130-3p or so.

Healthy Movement: Up dark & early for my solo walk up Ely's Peak, along the ridge, and back. 'Twas beautimonious. Body was great except for a little slip at the bottom on my way back, my right foot gave forward just a bit on a large rock, and that sent my upper body backward to offset, which meant my right core was screaming. Lazy rest of day. Did work the core a bit with stretching, massage, and trying to dig a TB in with the help of the wall.

Fun & Play: Sunrise on Ely's. Surprising Mike & Mike by beating them up and letting them discover me. Mostest gorgeousest peakest colors I've ever seen. Nap. Quiet time reading outside on the deck, with fake ice cream, while the boys went running (at a park rather boring, nothing to miss there). Fun chitchat.

Friday, October 9

  • 2 Larabars
  • Rice noodles

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 945p-530a, 84% quality. In late due to ROUS fun. NyQuil needed.

Healthy Movement: Decent. Core perhaps no worse than yesterday, but no better. Sitting for 3 hours to Barnum was better than I expected. Walked by myself along the river, stopping many times to take pictures. Felt fine on the core, but rough on the brain, wanting to run very badly.

Fun & Play: NSS! Train & Stay. Beautiful leaves. Perfect weather. Cozy cabin. I sat for a spell down by the river, where it was quiet and drifting along lazily. I pulled up a rock and told the river about all the sad things in my life right now, all the tiny little losses that are chipping away at my me-ness. And then I wiped away my tears and told it about the little silver linings I've found in the losses, that time to talk being one of them. Had I been running, my connection to my second mother wouldn't have run so deep. It filled my bucket at least partway back up.

Thursday, October 8

Nutrition: Starving all morning. The new phrase at work is being "Paige-hungry."
  • 2 Larabars

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 915p-5a, 83%. Took a NyQuil right away. Hank woke me up early, the jerkface.

Healthy Movement: Core took a little hitch backward, felt it a little more today. Weird/frustrating. Session felt quite tough thanks to the cold, leaving me winded and light-headed. 

Fun & Play: NSS day! ROUS family fun with my tribe. Happy happy happy pooches, playing with each other & with happy happy happy kids. 

Wednesday, October 7

2 larabars
Pint AZ
Rice spaghetti (a T&S taste test: good!)

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 915p-530a, 86% quality. Tossed & turned for a long time, before caving and getting back up to take NyQuil. Solid after that, but again hard to get up. Left work a couple hours early to nap, 3-430p.

Healthy Movement: The cold that began yesterday is now in full force. Awesome fun times. (By which I mean: god dammit, I hate being sick.) I was fine most of the day, but by 2p I was slow & stupid & my face bones all hurt. I had a DayQuil with me, but I prefer to listen to my body. If I give it the rest it's demanding, that more energy it can devote to fighting this thing, and I'll be healthier sooner. 

Fun & Play: Busy day at DBB doing a big wide variety of tasks. Quiet house in which to rest. Hubs home!

Tuesday, October 6

Nutrition: Made my breakfast sausage tonight for everyone on the Train & Stay: yummmmm!
  • 2 Larabars

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 915p-530a, 90% quality. Woke to hubs coming home at like 1a. Yuck, poor guy.

Healthy Movement: James approved my T&S plan, and gave extra attention to massage, since it feels like that (plus time) has been the biggest key (to me). Session was pretty good, nothing stellar but it's so lovely to have things feel right. Left ham did make me shifty on some of the squats. Left shoulder thing seems significantly better, though it's usually TGUs on Thursday that bother it anyway. More sitting than usual due to IA. Managed a quick game of fetch with the pooches.

Fun & Play: NSS day! Much fun times doing good work. Session. Impact Alexandria: funny, entertaining, good reminders. It was gratifying to recognize a lot of his themes in what NSS does each & every day. I'm right where I belong, and to have zero doubt about that is a feeling so significant, I can't even attempt to convey.

Monday, October 5

  • 2 Larabars

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 9p-530a, 94% quality. I am really struggling to wake up lately. I usually wake up around 515/520, and I'm planning to roll over and snuggle down in for another round, then I check the clock to find that's not an option. It's very disappointing! I can understand this happening if I'm not getting enough sleep, but 8+ hours on the reg, that shouldn't be the case.

Healthy Movement: Decent. No core change from the walking or yesterday's lifting. Long work day, very little movement. Legs didn't get too bad, but felt a bit stiff from lifting yesterday.

Fun & Play: DBB productivity, smashing through complicated trails of data: fun! Dad's monthly bookwork plus bonus quarterly payroll reports.

Sunday, October 4

Nutrition: Acne is pretty bad. I hate this.
  • 1 Larabar
  • malt vinegar seasoning

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 1015p-6a, 86% quality. Arrived home late & hungry, so went to bed late.

Healthy Movement: Zero after-effects from yesterday's miles: whew! Did a lifting workout and could tell in the warm-up the core was much improved even from Thursday. Felt good enough all around to give the ham a test. Back squats were a big success: felt good and strong and RIGHT. Rest not quite as successful, but significantly better than last week's effort. I then met up my BB for a walk at LCSP with the pooches. Still some vague tightness but nothing like it was even a week ago. Didn't have any later effects, either. Hooray!

Fun & Play: Sleeping in. Feeling good. Silent house. Cool bright sunny day. Successful lifting. Time with my BB in my second home (which I didn't visit even once in September). Delighted pooches. BK chitchat. LT chitchat. 

Saturday, October 3

Nutrition: Discovered I can order the sausage patties at the Duluth Grill. Happy day! Haven't been able to do that in 4 years!
  • 1 Larabar
  • Breakfast out (probably soybean oil in food prep)

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 1015p-645a, 97% quality. Some tossing & turning, but better than I expected on a strange, soft, small bed, with someone who's not-Hop.

Healthy Movement: Got up feeling good. Completely spaced PT for this trip. We trekked across the road to view Lake Superior (windy & chilly) with our coffee, then drove to breakfast. Shortly after that, we were hiking for 1.5 hours, and the core was basically fine: hooray! Logged a short bit of quiet time listening to the river, and admired pretty trees. We also hiked a flat, easy trail next to the lake, traipsing over rocks and under branches a bit, and still a fine core. It was also fine going up and down at Palisade Head. It was moderately tight feeling, but it took a stretch to bother it. And no pain, not even at the end of the day; slightly tighter getting out of the car, but that's been normal for me for a few months now. A piece of me wonders if I'm building a muscle's size (through lifting) that there isn't room for, like with my shoulder pain this year. That would suck.

Fun & Play: Up North! With Lisa! Hiking trails! Without pain! Sharing details and memories of races and volunteering and all the fun times. Introduced her to the cafe that DQ & I discovered last month, the bestest favoritest restaurant that BK shared with me (Duluth Grill, obvs), and the resort I discovered just this week turned out to be quite tiny, a tad rustic, but perfectly comfortable & more than adequate. Plus: hours & hours of catching up with one of my favorite people. Score!

Friday, October 2

Nutrition: Avocado season has ended at Subway. Sad day.
  • 2 larabars
  • Half bag SP chips

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 9p-515a, 91% quality.

Healthy Movement: James focused a bit more on massage today and that seemed to help a lot. Sitting for 4 hours to drive up North didn't feel as awful as anticipated. 

Fun & Play: NSS day with much productivity. Heading up north with a bestie!

Thursday, October 1


  • 2 Larabars

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 9p-530a, 84% quality.

Healthy Movement: Able to notice tiny improvements in my session. Still very sore from back squats, sheesh! Walked a bit at an LAPW outing that I helped arrange, felt mostly okay. Gives me hope for some SHT strolling on Saturday.

Fun & Play: NSS day, much fun times. Outsized smartassery with Paige & Jeremy. Outing with LAPW into nature. Fun supper with the group.

Wednesday, September 30

Nutrition: Fresh round of acne...why?! Could it literally be the one stupid carrot cake muffin on Monday? Shoot me.
  • 2 Larabars

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 915p-530a, 92% quality.

Healthy Movement: Sore legs from back squats, yay! Also possibly from hot tub time last night. Core is still painfully tight. UGH.

Fun & Play: DBB productivity & sense of accomplishment: doing a co-op tax return with ZERO HELP for the first time! Weekend getaways.

Nature: Immense sadness at the lack of autumn trails in my life. FB is filled with runner friends' pictures of the colorful woods, and it physically hurts to look at them and know that I won't have a weekend full of wooded, glorious trail bliss to soak up like I usually do. It hurts, and so badly. So I decided to quit moping and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

I booked a tiny pet-friendly cabin the weekend of Wild Duluth and sent an email to the volunteer coordinator, requesting a dog-friendly position. It wasn't in my plans, but I've gotta find a way to get to the woods.

AND I have Lisa T booked for a quick mini-getaway this coming weekend, too! CANNOT believe it worked out. HOORAY!

This has lifted my attitude greatly!