Tuesday, August 11

  • Larabars: 2
  • olive oil chips

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 9p-530a, 81% quality. Mostly solid, but woke at 4a. Bit of a struggle to get up with the alarm.

Healthy Movement: Stiff lower legs getting up, better with movement. Hamstring limited my squats, and shoulder limited my bench. (I don't THINK I gave Dustin the stinkface for it.) Besides, kickass pulls helped the brain. They felt as solid as goddamn steel today, yo. Post-work I logged my 6 uphills, sweating like a drug mule in customs. The heat wave scheduled for tomorrow can go elsewhere, por favor. No ankle pain today, hooray! Sat a decent chunk of the day at NSS, just due to project type. 

Fun & Play: NSS! Lifting with Timmy. Fun work. Easy-ish hills. Some home productivity, doing dishes & a bit of camper-stocking. Fetch with happy dogs. Quiet, peaceful, air-conditioned house.

Stress Management: A piece of me wanted to tell Dustin all about my stressy weekend, but the smarter-sounding voice in my brain advised me to shut up. Because I need to get over those things, not focus & dwell & obsess for days on end. What benefit would come of turning it into a therapy session instead, and putting my brain back onto the topic? And does my freaking personal trainer really need to help me with that? I mean, he could, he has in the past, but he has much better things to spend his brain power on. AND SO DO I. I feel like not unloading was a tiny but certain victory for carrying my own load.

Temperance: Compliments collected today: Dustin told me my back is "looking jacked," so I also showed him the picture I took at home (below), and he was full of "Wow." (Heather had also filled me fulla "wow" a week ago!) During my session, a random female client told me I look "amazing, so toned and strong." At the end of the day, a random male client said my shoulder was impressive (as I reached for something).

Hellz yeah! I'm still struggling some days with body image, sometimes it's little things like the battle to find tops that don't fit stupidly, or worrying I'm "too big"; and yet I'm fine on other days, madly in love with my strength. But all of that is still progress, still a huge improvement over where I've been.

Here's the "wow" picture:

That back was bought & paid for with 15,000 pull-ups in 30 months.

I firmly believe that being strong beats all else in regards to appearance, but I can't quite work up the nerve to post this picture on FB.

Part of it is because how I look is ABSOLUTELY NOT what prompts me to do pull-ups like a fool, and I wouldn't want to send that message, but also part of it is to avoid people judging me as "ew, too much muscle."

UGH, why do I care?!

The reason I WOULD post it is because I find it completely and totally fucking amazing that this is me. ME. ME! It honestly shocks me!

Those muscles really belong to this formerly-chunky bookworm? REALLY?

Lifting is awesome. The best. The bomb diggitiest.

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