Tuesday, May 5

Nutrition: Delighted to find special treats from my BB: plantains & bootch! SHE IS THE BESTEST BESTIE EVAH.
  • 6a-eggs, beef hot dog, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 7-Larabar
  • 10-jerky, PLANTAINS!
  • 1115-half LB
  • (12p-Dustin session)
  • 130-roast beef, yam, half LB, CHERRY BOOTCH!
  • (530-2m W2R)
  • 7-beef hot dog, plantains, SB&J toast

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 915p-545a, 87% quality. Solid; woke once or twice, but always back quickly. No dancing, prancing Hanky to wake me up.

Healthy Movement: I feel nothing from the downhills. Fucking awesomesauce! Session felt a little on the MEH side, like things were solid but felt like I had to work for it, and usually if I'm working that hard it's for STELLAR numbers. Trying to appreciate that today I did my best, and all I can ask for is the opportunity to keep doing so. Few SA chin drills during class, but not much time, as I was babysitting everyone on their pulldowns, making them a badass 1RM-style effort, so they quit sandbagging on the weights! After class, led the first walk to run outing of the program. Felt great all over; wore the Vibrams and plan to continue doing so (long as I can get away with it) for all of those outings.

Fun & Play: Sleeping in. Time to move slowly through my morning: so blissfully restorative. Treats from my BB. Session with Timmy. Party plans with Dustin, I'll be hosting the NSS family picnic next week! Woo hoo, fun times! (Oh shit, gotta clean house times!) Had a fantastically strong class, super-duper fun, then immediately followed it up with the first walk-to-run night. THE BESTEST. I just love doing this. Making more runners makes my heart sing & dance with pure unadultered happiness.

Stress Management: Doing my job poorly, or at least that's how it feels. Did all my month-end entries in record time, felt awesome, but the end result cannot possibly be right but I DON'T KNOW WHY NOT and I don't have the time to explain why it COULD possibly be right because record-breaking time is needed for back-breaking workloads and I simply don't have the tools for a true & thorough analysis and it JUST KILLS ME that I can't do this job well.

That's what I'm realizing has beaten me down the most: the high expectations on tight deadlines and massive workloads mean half-assing things, and I am not a half-asser at ANYTHING that I care about. I WANT to do this job well, I WANT to find the right answers, but I can't. Not without many days of digging, or much-improved tools, or years of knowledge, none of which I may have. So frustrated by it all.

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