Wednesday, April 29

  • 515a-eggs, chicken sausage, Brussels sprouts, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 745-pork jerky
  • 930-half Larabar
  • (10-Dustin session)
  • 1115-half LB
  • 1230p-pork roast, yam, LB
  • 330-apple, LB
  • 6-pork rinds w/ guac, SB&J toast, decaf w/ CM

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a, 62% quality. Woke often: 11p when hubs came home; 2a h/s/g but fell back easily; 330a but fell back easily; dozed 430a onward. Got up feeling okay.

Healthy Movement: Back of left knee is still weirdly tight, somehow part of the hamstring but nothing up the chain feels off; also hurts to hang in a deep squat. Something is obviously inflamed, though I don't know why. Bit of squat soreness, but not major. Left shoulder is not worse. Angry guts today, not liking that one bit. Session went well; nothing stellar, but things felt solid, so there's that. Hamstring tightness abated somewhat after session. Still, didn't feel up to the usual Wednesday night trail run.

Fun & Play: Class. Session, with different people, a fun change. Coworker chitchat. Lunch w/ BK & AS again. Productivity. Fetch & reading outside on a gorgeous spring evening. Made all of my Relay luminaria (...far too many).

Stress Management: I just discovered my CPR & my group fitness certifications expire this summer. Crapsticks, do I let them expire? Do I take on the cost myself? Do I ask TS to pay for any of it? Do I ask NSS? And while I'm ad it, do I renew my CMA? Do I ask DBB to pay for any of it? Nothing is exceptionally expensive on its own, but all of it together adds up to something like $700. Oof. And: eff.

Tuesday, April 28

  • 515a-eggs, Brussels sprouts, Slawsa, chicken sausage, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 8-Larabar, coffee w/ CM
  • 945-summer sausage, coffee w/ CM
  • 1030-LB
  • (12p-Dustin session)
  • 130-summer sausage w/ rice crackers, apple, LB
  • 445-LB
  • 7-salad w/ tomato dressing, toast, apple w/ SB

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 845p-5a, 89% quality. Sure, after 10p. Hubs & I had ourselves a great little argument/breakdown/disaster at bedtime. THAT WAS FUN TIMES. Still not resolved this morning, either. Le sigh.

Healthy Movement: Tight lower legs, almost-pain in left foot; all better once moving. Going into session, developed a weird tightness behind left leg. No idea what the hell, but it got worse throughout the day, to nearly limping. Session itself was deload week, stupid lame nonsense, damn I hate deload week. And my pulls super sucked, what? Luckily, somehow, despite it all: maintained my good mood, happy chitchat with Dustin, great fun.

Fun & Play: W2R plans. BK chitchat. Session, with Timmy. Good meeting with team leadership. Fun, full class. Tahoe logistics. Fetch on a gorgeous night. A visit from the in-laws. (Kept expecting the hubs to come home, but he's still pumping. Local, but still pumping AMAP. Gah.)

Monday, April 27

Nutrition: Surprisingly hungry today, dunno why.
  • 515a-eggs, chicken sausage, Brussels sprouts, Slawsa, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 8-Larabar
  • 945-LB, coffee w/ CM
  • 1130-rice crackers
  • 1245p-pork roast, roasted veg, guac, apple
  • 3-LB
  • 430-rice crackers
  • (530-7m trails)
  • 730-salad w/ tomato dressing, toast, apple w/ SB

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 915p-5a, 85% quality. Solid as a mofo.

Healthy Movement: Again extremely-tight lower legs getting out of bed, better as I moved. Upper back tight when demoing RDLs in class, but everything else felt good. Ran LCSP and my lungs were a useless pile. Probably running too fast, then needing longer walk breaks, beyond the top of the hill, because my overall pace is same as always. Still, was nice that the legs felt jes' fine. Vague bit of left-hip tightness afterward, so I did my PT stretch like a smart person.

Fun & Play: Gorgeous morning. Class. W2R media logistics. BK break time discussing race logistics. Productivity. Lunch w/ BK & AS, thus much silliness & smartassery. Happy coworkers. Lovely lead. Gorgeous evening on the trails, w/ a couple fun boys. Hubs home, hubs home, hubs home!

Sunday, April 26

Nutrition: ZOMG WHUT I ordered normal food off a menu, for the first time in over 4 years. Too cool. Surely too much sugar for me at once, expecting a reaction, which sucks. I couldn't resist the pancakes though, and I'm glad I didn't: they were GD delicious!
  • 630-fried egg sandwich w/ Slawsa, Brussels sprouts, chicken sausage, coffee w/ CM, SB&J toast
  • (8-lifting session)
  • During-some dry-roasted salted cashews 
  • 10-coffee
  • 11-Larabar, bootch
  • 1230p-chicken wings, pumpkin pancakes w/ maple syrup, fruit, crackers w/ guacamole, iced tea
  • 6-muffin, LB

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 930p-615a, 91% quality. Um, no sir, you are quite mistaken! Woke h/s/g at 1a, but managed to fall back. Then Hank barked repeatedly at something outside at 2a; I just kept yelling at him to shut the fuck up until he did. Then at 4a, I thought I heard the doorbell ring & scampering dogs; wide awake, I pulled out an ear plug to listen...nope, I hear a dog licking her [grubby] paws, so that was a dream I guess. At 5a, Hankypank began his trotting back & forth, but I was far too tired to get up, and fell right back until I woke naturally. I mean, seriously, what the hell was all of that?! What if it was the next night and getting up at 5am is my only option, what kind of pile would I be?! Ugh.

Healthy Movement: Extremely tight lower legs upon getting out of bed, better once moving. Some of the all-over ache and fatigue that I was expecting on Fri/Sat. Hm, I drank almost no water yesterday, could that be it? Lifting went pretty well, things felt better than last week, so I did just a week bit more, but didn't go nuts. Sat in a car for 4 hours of my day, in order to hang with Amy: totally worth it!! We went walking for nearly 4 miles. Definitely wanted to run, but walking & chatting in nature with a bestie was enough. 

Fun & Play: Happy cats getting outside in the morning sun. Breakfast dessert. A solid strong workout. Driving to see Amy with the cruise set at 78, drinking coffee from my new Wonder Woman mug, catching up on old MBMaM podcasts. Eating at a restaurant like a normal person! Shopping for new-job clothes, eeee! Hiking & chatting. Caribou & chatting. Realizing we have discovered the perfect spot for future meet-ups! BKSP plans made for tomorrow. Hubs-home-soon plans!

Saturday, April 25

Nutrition: I ate All The Food today. Just steadily hungry.
  • 3a-orange chews
  • 5-egg, toast, chicken sausage, Brussels sprouts, coffee
  • (6-7m run)
  • 730-eggs, ham, potatoes, coffee
  • 12p-salty cashews, orange chews, apple w/ SB
  • 4-pork roast, toast, Larabar, bootch
  • 730-Daiya pizza

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 915p-445a, 69% quality. WIDE awake 2-3a or so. After fighting it, I got up for bathroom, water, orange chews (quick carbs), but it still took a while to fall back. Got up tired.

Healthy Movement: Got up tired of course, but body felt good. The run was fast (on purpose), and the legs held up really well. Some ache in left shin, but not enough to worry. Felt like Wonder Woman to push a fast pace just 2 days after that boosted deadlift volume, and still feel good - yay! Pretty lazy rest of the day, although no nap, proud of that.

Fun & Play: ROUS run, mostly with with Heidi. ROUS breakfast at Trav's, including bonus celebrities Shawn & Andy & Soren, and even Tina, one of last year's W2R grads - woo hoo! BK chitchat. Hubs chitchat. Chores. Reading time. Silly pets. Figured out a way to be an official volunteer at Spring Superior, before crewing duties begin. 

Personal Growth: I asked Mike & Dustin whether or not they would be cool with me continuing to teach classes at TS. I feel 50/50 on whether or not TS would approve (nothing is predictable these days, besides chaos), but if NSS says no then at least I haven't wasted time. Not sure if they would care or no (maybe my attendees will come to NSS if I'm not available...but doubtful) but they matter first & foremost.

If they aren't cool with that, I'm back to just walk-to-run to fill my teaching bucket. And that's wonderful, but so not enough, at only two months of the year. Yet I'm not SO into teaching that I can get up to NSS standards of knowledge, at least not in my mind. Maybe they'd let me help with team trainings at some point? Could I lead some fall trail-running excursions like W2R, maybe something structured that trains people for the Norseman?

Friday, April 24

  • 615a-eggs (finally!), chicken sausage, Brussels sprouts, toast, coffee
  • 8-LB
  • 11-apple, LB, rice crackers
  • 12p-coffee w/ CM
  • 130-pork roast, carrots, cauliflower, LB
  • 5-bacon jerky, apple chips

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 10p-6a, 81% quality. In late due to fashion show, choppy after 430a (probably when Hanky came in to hang with the rest of us), and the alarm had to wake me. Got up a bit crank, but decent energy all day.

Healthy Movement: Left shoulder is crank; not nearly as bad as last week, but backward after Thursday's session. Lower body is feeling those deadlifts, but better than I expected after sets of 8 - glad it wasn't the usual 4 sets! Sat all afternoon at NSS.

Fun & Play: Sleeping in. Productivity, FINALLY. Meathead talk, finding 5/3/1 workout plans for AS. Relay fun on FB. NSS work, Dustin chitchat. Relay fundraiser help, including CJ chitchat.

Thursday, April 23

Nutrition: At the fashion show, the mashed potatoes tasted way too delicious to be plain, but I ate them anyway, decided I might as well test me some buttah. I picked the breading off my chicken that simply couldn't have been grain free, and was fried, in what must have been soybean oil. Jesus fuck it's annoying: I had specified no grains, no dairy, no soy, and it seems that the only thing that went through to the kitchen was "gluten-free" and that's it. UGH PEOPLE. Anyway. Dairy test commenced. We'll see, but I have little hope.
  • 615a-pork roast, yam, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 10-LB, apple
  • (12p-Dustin session)
  • 130-LB, apple chips, bacon jerky
  • 330-LB
  • 6-chicken, carrots, mashed potatoes 

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 930p-6a, 84% quality. Solid, until the pooch, as usual, began prancing, but I managed to fall back. Got up refreshed.

Healthy Movement: Aching lower legs getting out of bed, slight bit of the left core ache. Interestingly, the shoulder is MUCH improved - never even thought about it yesterday. This means my beloved bench is not making it worse (YAY!) (though it is being affected-BOO). Decided to run through today's session as per usual, and see if it gets worse, which will tell me very clearly that it's the kip. Felt the shoulder somewhat by 330p, though better than last week. SA chin work went better, did only wrist-assisted SA chins, and while they've gone backward from my high of 5 (at 3), they are better than I thought.

Fun & Play: Silly coworkers. Good meeting, airing out all grievances. Session w/ Timmy. A meeting w/ Timmy. LAPW fashion show: pictures with my mama, a winning silent auction bid that will become Hop's birthday gift, much silliness & joking with the other models, so many friends in the audience, clothing that I loved showing off. Like, jeans that fit fantastically! I may have to go back and buy only $100...oof.

Wednesday, April 22

Nutrition: I have carton full of farm-fresh eggs in the fridge at work. I've forgotten them there for like three straight days. So no eggs for breakfast today thanks to my forgetfulness, and none again tomorrow: killing me.
  • 5a-pork roast, veg, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 8-LB
  • 945-hot cereal w/ Renola
  • 1245p-pork roast, veg, yam, LB
  • 4-LB
  • (515-7m trails)
  • 715-salad w/ balsamic, toast, apple w/ SB

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 9p-445a, 91% quality. No, more like 81%. I was wide awake (& cranky about it) until at least 10p, but slept soundly & woke naturally.

Healthy Movement: Body feels pretty great, no aches in the class warm-up besides a TOUCH of squat soreness. Run was okay; used Heidi's awful-sounding lungs to walk all the hills, but I enjoyed the breaks myself. Still, much better shape than last Wednesday, legs weren't half as heavy.

Fun & Play: Class. Relay fundraiser. BK break time. Slight dose of work productivity. Lunch with both BK & AS; hilarity always ensues with those two together, boys being smartass boys. Plans with Amy for Sunday, and we are going to eat at Paleos!! Time in the woods with my sweet friend Heidi. A silent night at home with my sweet boy Hanky.

Tuesday, April 21

Nutrition: My day was thrown with a PWO meeting. Crap timing. Supper at the new restaurant in town, where my salad might have consisted of 200 calories. Fuck that. 
  • 5a-fried egg sandwich w/ cheese, chicken sausage, Brussels sprouts, coffee w/ CM
  • 830-Larabar
  • 11-apple, olives
  • (12p-Dustin)
  • 115-LB
  • 315-pepitas, apple
  • 6-shrimp & spinach salad, iced tea

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 9p-445a, 55% quality. Yes, definitely that horseshit. First I had to get back up at 930p, right when I should be out cold, to let the barking dogs back inside, as the hubs didn't hear them. Then I kept waking up, starting at 3a. Hanky was up & at 'em at 4a, doing his best to whine me awake. I was, but I kept trying to doze back. UGH UGH UGH.

Healthy Movement: Feeling pretty stellar. Still some left-shoulder crank, of course. Session was okay, things felt heavy and the left shoulder was fine during bench right up until my last set, the stupid little mofo.

Fun & Play: Class, including BK smartassery during it! Coworker chitchat & laughter. Boston memories, as today is my 1-year anniversary of crossing that finish line. Session.

Supper with Mike and Dustin for final details, where nothing could've been better. They'll pay me what I need (less than I'm worth, but it's what they can afford, and it's truly all that I NEED), they'll use me for everything I'm capable of, I will be dressing like them (so I could be doing accounting in YOGA PANTS, bitches!!), my schedule shall be ideal, just zero red flags. And it was fun! It's nice to have two bosses with whom I'm uber-comfortable, making jokes and being silly, and yet super serious about success. I'm just so very full of love for them & what they do, and I can hardly believe I will get to do this job. Like, literal tears of happiness for doing what I love, at a place I love, with people I love. Bliss. 

Monday, April 20

Nutrition: I managed to eat 4 Larabars today. I should be slapped. 
  • 5a-eggs, chicken sausage, Brussels sprouts, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • (6-2.62m run)
  • 715-LB
  • 1030-LB
  • 1230p-tuna w/ mustard & rice crackers, LB
  • 4-LB
  • 6-salad w/ tomato dressing, apple w/ SB

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 9p-445a, 88% quality. Sound & solid, but alarm woke me. Bah.

Healthy Movement: I ran on a MONDAY MORNING, before work. And didn't even ruin my hair! 2.62 miles in honor of the Boston Badasses. I'm so very happy not to be one of them. BK didn't want to run, and the weather made me soft enough to say no to solo trails after work. Right forearm has one oddly sore muscle, left shoulder is still crank but a bit improved.

Fun & Play: A crisp morning run with Greg. Silliness w/ coworkers. FB fun. Tracking my Bostoners, DQ killing it right dead, Julie as consistenly fast as always, and Shawn having a happy race. Lunch w/ BK. Long chats with two coworkers. 

Stress Management: Very fearful of TS future. I don't know how to reassure my people that they shouldn't feel the same. I don't even know how I'd be reacting if I weren't on my way out. 

Sunday, April 19

  • 6a-eggs, side pork, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • (830-lifting)
  • 10-SB&CB&J toast, coffee w/ CM 
  • 1230p-Cobb salad, decaf
  • 230-apple chips
  • 445-LB
  • 630-pork roast, yam, apple w/ SB

Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed, 1030p-545a, 66% quality. Unfortunately, yes. Woke at 4a and never really fell back after that; kinda almost did, but Hanky began his prancing attempts to wake me at 5a. Took me ages to fully truly wake up.

Healthy Movement: Body is feeling quite a bit better than yesterday, other than left shoulder. Wanted to do All The Lifts, but I know that easing into a 3rd lifting day increases the odds that it's consistently doable. So instead of doing it all, I did OH press, and then KB versions of the Big Three. (Plus pulls, of course, I'd never leave out my #1 obsession.) Walked upstairs feeling like, "That was easy" - I need to give myself more of that! Hoping that adding OHP into my program will strengthen whatever is causing the anger in my left shoulder, in a roundabout way: I think it's angry because I'm getting too kippy in my pulls, and adding the push strength should help the pull strength, meaning I don't [need to] kip. Right?

Tried working on a training plan, and WOW I have too many loves. I want to fit in trails 3x, lifting 3x, W2R 3x, sprints, yoga, tire flips, & maybe a rest day while I'm at it. I think I'm going to book myself solid, but do so with the mentality that I can skip ANY day whatsoever and have zero need to make it up (besides Dustin, of course). If it's a progression workout, like long-run mileage, or OHP, then I adjust the progression backward. But I don't need to squeeze in a missed OHP if I was tired or busy on Sunday. However, I only have Friday or Sunday open to Holea/Shannon time for sprints or yoga. That is really limited. Things open up a lot more after W2R finishes, so maybe it'll just be a postponement. Of course, then my jobs change, & schedule could change dramatically, so who knows.

Fun & Play: A super productive morning. By 10am I had most of the laundry done, yams baked, pork roast in progress, veggies roasted, salads made, litter cleaned, dishwasher running, bills paid (okay, that was done yesterday), and my lifting finished. I mean HOT DAMN I can accomplish shit when I actually stick to my to-do list and don't get sidetracked by FB or magazines or books or SQUIRREL! Lunch with my BB, GP, & MB. Hubs home when I returned from lunch, though I kept quiet so he could catch up on sleep. Had time together in the eve, reading, with Hanky in my lap, smushing my lungs: happiness.

Socialization: Lately I'm feeling so full of love for my people. I just want to hug everyone and tell them they're amazing and wonderful and perfect and so very lovable and I would be so lost without them. Overly emotional and overflowing with it. Picture me as Elmyra.

This is prompted by feeling so seriously grateful for the people that TS put into my life. Where would I be without my BeloveBuddy & Girl Power & Miss Bigheart? Without Timmy & Mac? Without Brett, who led me to my ROUSers Shawn & Andy & Dan & Heidi? Where would I be without my precious Brian & all the trail-running-based loves he's introduced me to? Where would I be without Amy, the very thought of whom can instantly prompt tears for how deeply I miss her daily presence? What about Terri & Juliet, and the bonds of friendship that do not fade despite months (or years) apart?

Without TS I never would have hooked up with Dustin & Mike and the life-changing world of NSS. I might never have found my talent & addiction for pull-ups & bench press, I wouldn't have my beloved Holea, and I wouldn't have a total dream job to run toward, as my TS job has lost all luster.

How much will I miss my Finance team, my number-crunching geniuses? So much, so painfully much. And yet, to be able to give my talents to NSS, to help them be more successful, which means they are helping more people, which means the world acquires more delighted and delightfully strong Sabrinas: this is my ultimate dream. I simply can't NOT do this.

I'm grateful that this job change will not take me too far from my peeps, but I know it will take effort to maintain the connections. I can't pop up to my BB's desk and leave a treat & love note any old day of the week. I can't drop into Brian's booth at break time for a refreshing chat of epic trail adventures. I can't deliver bacon-wrapped treats to Brett's desk. I can't horn in on Timmy's lunch run 15 minutes before she goes.

So I lose the easy, instant connections, okay.


It'll be okay.

I know I can & will make the effort to find new ways to keep us connected. I must. I need them. More and more, I see that time with my people is where I find my ultimate happiness. My running friends are easy to stay close to. Just you TRY to pry my BK & HH trail runs out of my schedule, you'll be facing my biceps. But my BB, we need regular dates, too; even if it's just a monthly breakfast date: that's sheer loveliness. And Timmy, I need my Timmy time, more than just our joint NSS workouts. I can and will. I need me my precious peeps.

Saturday, April 18

  • 5a-SB&CB&J toast, coffee w/ CM
  • (545-5.5m trails)
  • 730-eggs, Brussels sprouts, toast, decaf w/ CM
  • 11-apple, meat sticks
  • 230p-Paleo pancakes (meh) w/ SB&J&H, bootch
  • 7-steak, lobster, baked potato

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 915p-445a, 53% quality. Again, not THAT bad, more like 73%. Dogs barked again at some point, though I didn't get up (looks like 1a on the graph), and also Hank was active at 330a which only left me an hour to squeeze in a sleep cycle, so I got up rather tired. Napped for 2 hours post-run, helped energy a lot.

Healthy Movement: Um, it's time to be honest: I'm aching a LOT again. Left shoulder and left core bother me whenever I roll over in bed. Core feels fine during the days, though. Glutes sore from deadlifts and entire body is just bleah. The run went well, but only because BK was in need of slow & easy & short. Post-nap, lower legs were tight. Also, my favorite trail shoes are wearing through, and gave me a blister on my heel. They have a whopping 98 miles on them. What bullshit!

Fun & Play: BKSP. Nap time. Apol's to try on clothes for modeling gig, and I didn't hate it! Actually considered going legit shopping, but I don't need anything, and also, crowds of people, bleah. A wide open weekend. Reading time. Hubs chitchat. Fetch in the sunshine. Paying bills with Clyde in my lap. Taxy party. Lunch date scheduled with my BB and her peeps, yay!

Friday, April 17

Nutrition: I need to get back on track with my food at home. I'm taking alllll the shortcuts.
  • 515a-fried eggs sandwich w/ cheeze, coffee w/ CM
  • 8-LB
  • 1030-LB
  • 1230-chef salad, LB
  • 330-meat sticks
  • 445-LB
  • 7-pork roast, apple chips

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 915p-5a, 50% quality. Not that bad, closer to 70%. Up at 1115p when the dogs barked, repeatedly, at something(s) outside. Enough so that I brought my pepper spray canister when I got up to investigate. Hubs wasn't home. While I was up, I realized I was h/s/g, so I also ate, and drank some water. A few hours solid, then a few hours of sketchy sleep. And a prancing Hankypank, promptly at 445a. UGH. Low energy in afternoon. Almost left NSS early to nap but I didn't want to have to work over the weekend. 

Healthy Movement: Aching. Lower back a bit strained after yesterday's deadlifts, upper back tight after All The Pulls, left shoulder extremely bitchy, and just plain tired thanks to crap sleep. I was going to do some 100-chin-up foolishness in today's class, but all this aching changed my mind. I can be smart, sometimes. Anyway, no one showed to class, so there ya go! Sat all afternoon at NSS. Running stupid-early with BK tomorrow.

Fun & Play: A slow-moving morning to account for the crap sleep. A fun little learning session on the DC system so I better understand...a job I'm leaving in three months. Well, whatever, it was still pretty interesting. Lunch with MB, DS. Afternoon at NSS was silent, which isn't how I like it, but very productive. Running plans. Sent a FB message to another Zumbro person, the winner's girlfriend, to say it was nice to meet her and congrats on keeping up with the wild pace, because why not? BK chitchat on Zumbro, me specifically feeling like I can definitely improve.

Thursday, April 16

Nutrition: Man, I couldn't stop eating this morning. Would seem like stress eating, but my guts really were churning. Weirdness.
  • 545a-fried eggs & cheeze sandwich, coffee w/ CM
  • 845a-Larabar
  • 945-hot cereal w/ Renola, coffee w/ CM
  • 1130-LB
  • (12p-Dustin session)
  • 130-pork roast, toast
  • 630-fried eggs sandwich w/ cheeze, jalapeƱo bacon jerky, LB
  • 1130-LB

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 945p-530a, 90% quality. In late because whoa, the hubs was actually home, then solid as a rock. Except after 130a, every time I woke & rolled over, I worried that I didn't have time for a nap before BK showed up at the aid station. That's a super-delayed dream reaction!

Healthy Movement: Stiff lower legs & joints, but improved with movement. I'm sad to have such a clear connection between the aches & running. The 11 days off running left me feeling physically amazing, but also mentally lonely & missing my friends & nature. I need it, and I need my body to let me have it. Please please please!

Session was SO MOTHERFUCKING AWESOME. Pull-ups were cake, easy like swinging on a swing, and I hit 20. TWENTY RING PULL-UPS! ME!!

Fun & Play: Sleeping in. Hubs time. BK chitchat, including break time, to save my sanity amidst the morning of stress; he made me laugh, and all was well again. Session including HB silliness. Chitchat with HB, BL, MB, SW: my friends, my beloveds, my reasons for happy. A delightful class with enthusiastic, upbeat participants. A quiet night at home with so little to do RANOW that we fetched, we read in the sunshine, we snuggled with a book on the couch, all the critters & me. Peaceful bliss. 

Found (on FB) a Zumbro runner I've been talking about, impressed at his great attitude when he dropped out, and so I sent him a message telling him so. Why not? Such little kindnesses make the world a better place. 

Stress Management: Bad data. How do I find good data? How do I accomplish the work I need to accomplish when I have to waste HOURS OF MY DAY looking through bad data? So frustrating, and so certain it wasn't bad data so much as my lack of education. I was ready to find my resignation form and change the damn date to tomorrow. If only it wouldn't hurt my people, it would be worth considering. But my session turned my brain around, and while the afternoon was still full of frustrations, at least progress was made. And yes, it was my lack of knowledge on data flow that caused all the wasted hours. Thanks, July 8!

Wednesday, April 15

  • 515a-eggs, side pork, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 8-coffee w/ CM
  • 945-Larabar, coffee w/ CM
  • 1145-apple chips
  • 115p-pork roast, banana
  • 345-apple, LB
  • (515-7m trails)
  • 7-fried eggs sandwich w/ cheeze, raw veg w/ guac

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 915p-5a, 90% quality. SOLID as hell, but alarm had to wake me, bleah.

Healthy Movement: Body is again feeling fantastic. I like it! Managed some SA chin work again class. They've still gone backward, but they are coming back. Surprised not to feel any squat soreness, slight hint of bench soreness. Left shoulder is still there. On the run, though? Lead legs.

Fun & Play: A fun, full, strong class. Chitchat with BL about W2R stuffs. BK chitchat. Coworker chitchat. Trails with HH. Some reliving of Boston memories. Fetch. Quiet house. Promise of a hubs viewing before he runs off to ND for a week.

Stress Management: The unbearable weight of this place is going to kill me prior to my last day, I just know it. I'm overloaded, I'm trying so hard to keep up, and yet I see people even MORE overloaded, and trying SO much harder, and then I think I should be able to do this, why don't I take work home too? But no. I feel awful for them & I want to be able to help them, but ultimately? I am ready to give up.

I do not have the capacity to do a good job anymore. I don't feel good about any-fucking-thing I produce, I'm forced to do a shoddy job because all the things are hothothot and needed RANOW, so I slap something together and send it off, and it makes me feel awful about myself. We used to have this phrase about "setting people up for success," giving them the tools they need to do their job well, but it feels like that concept went right out the door on July 8.

I. Just. Want. Out.

Out out out.

I am in despair.

And yet, I truly do want to see the ship turn, oh so much. I need to get off it for my own sanity, and I want to trust & hope & believe that the remaining people are smart enough to turn it. Because I still have a couple hundred friends there, and a generous handful of precious, priceless beloveds, that I desperately want to see happy & secure & fulfilled in their jobs.

But I am doing all I can do.

All day I remind myself of this.

This is so hard.

I struggle.

Tuesday, April 14

  • 5-eggs, side pork, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 830-LB
  • 11-apple, olives, meat stick
  • (12p-Dustin session)
  • 2-pork roast, toast, chia bootch
  • (3-blood donation)
  • 345-raisins
  • 6-raw veg w/ guac, pork roast, toast

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 930p-5as, 66% quality. More like 86%, it felt restful. In late due to the late run, up right on time thanks to Hankypank. I did wake up h/s/g at 3a, but I just threw off the cover and fell right back.

Healthy Movement: Lower legs a bit tight from the run in super minimalist shoes, upper back tight from I have no idea what, all else feels good. Session was adequate, nothing special. Steve & Dustin gave me crap about being disappointed in 16 pulls, but I've been stuck there for FIVE MONTHS, damn right I'm going to be frustrated! Left shoulder is still crank, could feel it on bench, rotten little motherfucker. Class warm-up in PM again felt amazing; I didn't realize I'd been feeling so many little aches & pains & tightnesses & fatigues (yes I'm pluralizing that, shut up), but now that they're all gone, I'm like WHOA, THIS IS AWESOME! It won't last, I'm sure - the trails, they are singing my name so sweetly. Girls' night with HH tomorrow is going to be most lovely!

Fun & Play: Saw the hubs this morning! Crisp little sunrise jaunt to haul out the garbage. Coworker chitchat. More FB silliness. Session. Chitchat with my BB & MB, BK, HH. Blood donation, where one nurse was the girlfriend of a buddy, cool! We had silly fun there, competing over who donated fastest. Had a small but delightful class, starting to see some great progression in one of my attendees! Silent night at home that included fetch and refilling Lexi's pool, to make her the happiest creature alive.

Stress Management: Felt like I am abandoning my team in a meeting this morning. Feeling guilty that chasing my dream job means hurting them. But, that's why I gave a super long notice. I'm doing everything I can to ease the pain, am I not? So why isn't my position posted, why are we not making progress? Or are we? My people need something to hope for, please please please.

And then? Another company-wide work crisis. It feels like another nail in the coffin. I wanted to cry, feeling such fear for the future of the place - not for me, but for all of my peeps. I want them to have a future there, even if I don't. Failure is not what I hope for, at all. But it is not my job to save it, I cannot and must not shoulder it. All I can all I can do.

Monday, April 13

  • 5a-eggs, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 745-LB
  • 945-meat stick, apple
  • 1045-coconut bar (the kind that FROZE on me at Zumbro)
  • 1245p-pork roast, toast, LB
  • 2-mixed nuts
  • (630-5.5m trails)

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 9p-445a, 88% quality. So much for going to bed early, totally failed at that. Woke when hubs came home just before midnight, again at 330a, always fell back quickly. Woke naturally and felt pretty rested.

Healthy Movement: Stiff getting out of bed, but great once I got moving. Class warm-up felt better than it has in AGES, surprisingly. I logged some SA chin work during class, which are on the upswing again, although left shoulder is being a crank (go straight to hell, left shoulder, what is your PROBLEM, I shall HULKSMASH HOPSLAM YOU). Shins are a bit sore, left foot ache randomly popped up - I just ignored them. I had planned to run the YMCA trails over lunch due to LAE meeting after work, but then DQ offered to run LCSP with me after THAT meeting. Can't say no to that offer! We went fast (for me) but it felt good.

Fun & Play: Fun class. Fun coworkers. FB fun. Productivity with ONE of my tasks. LAE planning meeting with some of my favorite people. Trails with DQ.

Stress Management: Today I stood at my desk, staring at my various work piles, trying to decide what I should take home. WTF is that? I AM QUITTING THIS JOB and I can't stop being fully devoted! I'm not bragging: it's dumb to put so much importance on my job that I'm willing to take it home & work for free, even if it were a place I'm still devoted to. Work is not life. LIFE is life. This cult of overwork is bullshit, and I need out.

Today it occurred to me that I sorta stole BK's thunder with my post about crewing, because he is, hopefully, planning a write-up of his own. Fucksticks, sometimes I'm really really dumb. Now I'm stressing he's hating on me. But his story will be vastly different than my behind-the-scenes viewpoint, right?

Sunday, April 12

Nutrition: I wasn't hungry most of the day. I know that I took in MORE than enough calories while crewing, so I'm okay with a low day.
  • 7a-eggs, ham, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 12p-nuts
  • 4-olives, Epic bar, bootch
  • 630-raw veg w/ guac

Sleep: 10 hours in bed, 830p-630a,77% quality. Much better than that, more like 97%! I woke at 330a, then again around 5a (dogs, which Hop dealt with), then I woke back up when Hop's alarm began going off and couldn't fall back. Got up very tired and headachey. Energy level stayed decent throughout the day and I decided against a nap but FOR going to bed early, just get right back on my normal schedule.

Healthy Movement: Aching hips, knees, feet, and glutes. Left foot had a strange new pain which has me anxious. Sat much of the day on the computer, which was a bad idea: stiff every time I rose. Logged some pulls in the afternoon, sets of 6 each chin, pull, ring, & repeated once for a total of 36. All strict, and kept the sets 5-ish minutes apart to prevent the angered shoulder of last weekend's 20-minute-spaced sets. Felt great, easy peasy. Looking forward to a trail run tomorrow, inspired by all the immense badassery I witnessed this weekend!

Fun & Play: Sleeping in. Writing about & reliving Zumbro, cementing in the memories. FB fun seeing pictures and talking more about it, including a message from a runner I helped out (& had never met before), who was very grateful. Being a total sloth yet still getting my chores done. Brushing all the pets outside in the sunshine. Fetch with the pooches. No obligations and no need to leave my house. Beautiful, blissful silence; enough time to decompress before the workweek. The realization that my workweek is back down to only five days. Normalcy!

Zumbro Day, April 10/11

Some logistics

I drove down Thursday night for the pre-race party (very chilly, we didn't stay long), where for the first time I met Kate's crew (which now seems impossible, feels like I have known them for years). I then led the group back to check into our hotel 30 minutes away, taking a wrong turn and finding a sweet shortcut in the process. I shared my room with Brian's Stuff. Everything was unpacked, sorted, re-packed, drop bags labeled, and then we went over some of the logistics. He left to stay in Kate's room, and I slept like a rock until he came back at 5am to get ready. Breakfast was eaten (& included a dance party by the girls, so much excitement for Kate's big day!), then cars were packed, and we were off. The race began at 8am, and we were there by 7am to soak up the pre-race atmosphere.

The Zumbro 100 is a six-loop course, with only three aid stations for me to visit (because 1 & 4 = same stop and 2 & 3 = same stop, plus start/finish line), which made crewing far simpler than the Superior 100, where we were always hopping in the car to drive up the SHT another 10 miles to search for the next stop, on unfamiliar roads, fearing missing turns in the dark north woods, fingers crossed the GPS wouldn't fail. Here, after lap 1, I always knew the route I needed to take. And I could drive from start/finish to AS 1/4, so I still had access to ALL of our things in the car at least once each loop.

But Brian's time between 4 & S/F, or from S/F back to 1, was always VERY short. I sped down the hilly windy gravel roads like an asshole, because I had a cushion of AT MOST 10-15 minutes between my arrival & his. In those 10-15 minutes, I had time to visit the vault toilet (best choice over the porta-pots at 1/4 or the woods at 2/3), update the iPad spreadsheet for a fresh projection on his overall finish time (too heavy to tote with me, and no signal to be able to transfer the spreadsheet to my phone), eat a cold hot dog from the cooler, make a sandwich for myself to eat later, plus gather any gear or food requests for Brian. And then I was set (or stuck) for 3-4 hours with whatever I had on me only. Brian had drop bags at the two ASs for us to work with, but I was also supplying myself of course. Unlike Superior, I wasn't pacing, only crewing, so that was less off my plate - but I was his entire crew, versus the 5 peeps we had last time.

Each lap I had 10-20 minutes at AS 1/4 on the way out, trekked 1 muddy mile back to 2/3, where I had 60-90 minutes to hang out, then the trek back to 1/4, then another 30-ish minutes before the blast back to S/F to start it all again. On the first lap, I went on foot from S/F to 1/4, to figure out whether it was perhaps faster than driving. It was about the same, but a lot more work (only a mile, but up & over a helluva ridge), and I would slow down a LOT if I had to do it every lap, so I took the car for the 5 remaining laps. Still, I put on about 17 miles myself, a loop just crewing!

The drive was also my only chance to attempt a text to FB to update the crowd on how Brian was doing. Half my updates didn't even go through. There was zero coverage anywhere else (unless I trekked to the top of the ridge again, for which I didn't have much time, and even less desire), and not a chance at actually getting onto FB to properly tag him so that all of HIS people could also see the updates. Next time maybe he'll let me take his phone to send the updates from.

The 100-miler (6 laps) began at 8am Friday, the 50-miler (3 laps) at midnight, and the 17-miler (1 lap) at 9am Saturday.

I do this because Brian needs me.

I was able to help one of my very best friends, my favorite running buddy, to completely CRUSH his goal.




Experienced runners come to these things with A, B, C (& etc) goals, which can (& usually must) change as conditions change (usually deteriorating) from expected/hoped-for conditions. There was an AS where we talked through Brian's math on his finish time, I think at S/F before his final lap, and he literally said, "So, worst case scenario, I still hit my A goal." That, my friends, is a statement that can only be made by a talented, amazing runner.

He blasted through incredibly fast first laps, then slowed down right on schedule, and never came too close to falling apart. For one little block of time on lap 4, the wait between 2 & 3, I was worried, as he sat down a long time at 2 to take in a ton of calories (and LOTS of salty soup) & recover from a massive bonk. But when he came back through 3, he was back to normal, ready to kill it again. What makes Brian so easy to crew is that he never loses his faculties. He KNEW what he needed post-bonk, never turned down food after that, doing his best to take in whatever he could stomach, even when he didn't WANT to eat.

Generally my crewing job is as simple as: have Brian's gear changes ready, provide the food & liquids that he wants, take notes for the next AS needs, and don't fill him full of bullshit about how good he looks or how "few" miles he has left. He is EASY. I don't have to think for him, just have to fulfill his needs; many times crews need to do all the thinking for their runner. Not me! I might have worried about his mental state for 5% of this thing, whereas other runners take a LOT of support in that arena, more like 95%. Sure, he complained that he hurt, that this next section is the worst, that he didn't want to do this anymore, etc, but I just agreed with (or flat-out ignored) his opinions without needing to prop him back up, because he wasn't really DOWN. We both knew that he would go on anyway, regardless, because he was well prepared to have those thoughts in advance and knew that they would come but they didn't matter. Zero doubt that he would finish, barring perhaps an unforeseen injury. The aches and pains he developed (or re-developed) as the miles went on, were all expected, and again, he knew they would come but they didn't matter. The dude has mental toughness, times infinity. This makes crewing for him so damned easy, and is why I have so much mental energy left to give the other runners.

Brian's finish time was 22:05:08, a mind-boggling 5th place against unbelievable competition. I am in awe that I ever get to run with this badass, much less help him conquer these insane goals. Or, crush them, being his original goal was sub-24 when he signed up, then increased to sub-23 by the time it came. And here he is at 22:05. I can't even fathom how he does this, but I am grateful he lets me help!

I do this because I need this.

I spent 7am Friday to 2pm Saturday in the woods. I soaked up the sound of running river water each of the dozen times I crossed the bridge. I contemplated the height of the ridges in awe, with jealousy of the runners who climbed them & experienced the views from the top. I enjoyed the crunch of leaves underfoot, especially if it meant a runner was cruising up to be greeted. I thanked a tree whose branch saved me as I slipped in the mud on a trek to 2/3. I watched the sun paint the sky as it sank. I took in the smoky bonfire smells and felt the glorious HEAT. I stared up at the stars SO MANY TIMES, both silently still & soaking, but also searching for constellations with Todd at AS 2/3. I greeted, literally out loud, the fat half-moon as it rose, and sent it my love on a trek to 1/4 with it guiding my way. (Doesn't everyone talk to the moon?) I stopped and listened to amazingly loud frogs, wondering whether they were happy with the chilly night. I watched the fog move in, in awe of the speedy fast beads of moisture flying through the light of my headlamp as I stood on the bridge over the river. I marveled at the sparkly morning frost everywhere, even on the jackets of the runners. I happily watched the sun lighten the sky and asked it to please burn off the mist and warm us all up, especially my cold feet, but not so much to make the runners overheat. (Doesn't everyone talk to the sun?) I lounged in the abundant sunshine of Saturday morning like a kitty cat, enjoying the race atmosphere without making any effort for a couple hours. This kind of deep, extended immersion in nature is magic for this girl's brain. I didn't think, even for a second, about work or emails or much of anything from my "regular" life. I didn't miss Facebook (other than wishing I could see comments to relay to Brian if he should need them), or even my own bed. I was FILLED UP TO OVERFLOWING by all of that nature.

I helped, everywhere. Something about trail races flips my caretaking switch into overload, and I want to help in any & every capacity. I like to help where I'm appreciated, and trail runners are effusively appreciative. I helped Brian, obviously. I also helped Kate, of course, at one point hiking & chatting with her from 1/4 to my turnoff to 2/3, carrying her trekking poles for her later use. But that isn't enough for me. I helped AS 2/3 set up when I got there on the first lap. I helped them serve runners when they were short on volunteers, I shared the banana-slicing tip, I fetched drop bags, I repeated numbers to the radio operators. I had to stop myself from diving behind the tables to take charge at every AS visit, honestly, because I simply wanted the best possible experience for each & every runner. Any runner that I recognized in any way (via previous trail races or UMTR on FB or other runner friends or anything at all), I dove in to help. I regularly helped Doug, who was neck & neck in competition with Brian, because it's a delight to help such a gracious runner go forth & be badass. Besides, it's not about beating another runner, it's about beating your own self. I was Jordan's personal helper one lap as he mentally struggled at 2, and was rewarded when he came around a brand new man at 3. I tried to help Alex's mental state as she sat down to take in soup & let Julio deal with her injury at 2. I helped a runner at S/F whose crew was MIA, as several of us offered what we could as substitutes to his missing gear & grub. I saw a runner with a shirt from Bigfork, MN, a teensy town next to the teensy town my cousins grew up in, so I swooped in to help him out and I became his personal cheerleader ("Hey, Bigfork!!") each time I saw him. Brian W got a loud, perhaps downright obnoxious "Mr Wooooooooods!" greeting whenever I saw him, and was rewarded with his infectious laughter & great spirits. I finally met DailyMile friend Rachel in-person, as she passed through 1/4 in the 50-mile race. At the S/F area as the 17-milers showed up to check in, filled with nervous energy before their 9am start, I chatted with several that I knew, and they got to see & congratulate Brian, a nice dose of motivation for their "little" race (not at all little!). Every runner I dealt with, even just passing them on my hike between AS's, got nothing but enthusiasm & love from me, which I was overjoyed to give. It fills me up as I give it out.

Oh, and did I ever enjoy the PEOPLE. Kate's crew was a bundle of energy, and I loved their ridiculous enthusiasm, which included Mary & Karen dancing under the disco ball in the tent at 1/4, in the middle of the night. I reconnected with peeps like Todd & Amy & the Bartons & Arika & Matt & Doug & the Thiedes & John & Robyn, but I also made new friends. I dropped down to pet so many dogs at this race, it was like a pooch playground and I wished my two could've been there as well, as both owners & canines enjoyed each other's company. In addition to the many runners I helped & greeted, I talked to AS workers: about the logistics, about the race, about the runners, about their own WHY for helping out at this strange little party in the woods. I accepted a ride when halfway out to 2/3 from a volunteer on a 4-wheeler, and asked him where he'd been all my life, or at least my first 5 laps. I talked to other crews about how their runners were doing, empathized with the effort we were all making to help them have their best race, joked about how happy we'd be some glorious day when our feet were warm again. I learned of a less-muddy shortcut (for crews) from the winner's very nice girlfriend, then found it with Julio's help. I learned of the course record set by said winner from another crew that I enjoyed lots of bonfire time with. I may not know a thing about these people's "regular" lives, some most not even their names, other than that they love this shit, too. Yet if when I see them again, we shall instantly rebond, because that's how trail races work. There's some kind of magic going on at these things. New friends, everywhere!

The aftermath: I'm tired.

I was up at 5am Friday and didn't crawl into my bed until 830pm on Saturday. I am stupidly sleep-sensitive, as anyone who knows me is aware, but I was fully energized for Brian's entire race, easily giving all my brain power to his logistics, upbeat enthusiasm to the runners, and physically managing it just fine. But after his finish, as my crew duties wound down to minimal (I still kept tabs on his recovery), and more bodies were around to be cheerleaders to the runners, I slowly became dumb & lethargic, and should have napped. But how could I? There was still Kate to watch for, other known runners to cheer on, and (even more!) friends to chat with. Post-finish, we cleaned up, went back to 1/4 to see Kate on lap 5, back to S/F to see Kate start her final lap, and then returned to 1/4 as she masterfully trekked through without stopping, After, even though Kate still had another 5 hours to go and I very much wanted to see her finish this incredibly hard thing, I simply HAD to get home.

When I left, I was in tears. I had to say goodbye to all these lovely trail-race friends at AS 1/4, goodbye to Kate's lovely people, and of course goodbye to my bestie Brian. But I didn't want to say goodbye. I didn't want to leave. I didn't want Zumbroday to end, and I certainly didn't want to go back to normal life. After a weekend like this, normal life is a vast pit of boring suckage, even though my normal life is really damned good. So, honestly: I literally cried as I turned away from 1/4, the people, the race, the woods, on a sad slow trudge back to my car.

I knew this emotional overflow was mainly because I was so beyond overtired. Had there not been people in the parking lot making noise (cute little Boy Scouts doing repair work), I would have bedded down for a nap. Instead I found some crunchy & some spicy grub to keep me awake, and headed for home. I quickly realized I shouldn't be driving: my reactions were very slow and I felt like I was half-drunk. I wouldn't have worried a lick if not for the other cars, but I knew if I needed a quick response to some dimwit, or if I was the dimwit who tried to catch a missed turn at the last second, it could end badly. But what option did I have, besides keep going? I turned on the A/C and cranked up the AC/DC and did my best to stay alert. I went all the way to 494 and then realized that I shouldn't attempt multiple lanes without a nap. I took an exit, found a restaurant parking lot with some almost-shade, leaned my seat back, & made a pillow. At home I sleep with ear plugs in a pitch-black room with a perfectly worn 25-year old blanket, and not very well anywhere else. I thought I'd doze a bit, but I instantly fell asleep for a solid hour.

The rest of the drive, I was definitely still tired, but I was more alert to watch the signs, to keep tabs on the cars around me, to feel normal road rage, etc. I made a stop at the Avon rest area, a traditional "final scene" for all of Brian's epic weekends. The stroll along the lake in the breeze refreshed me enough to make it to Sauk for groceries, then finally, my sweet sweet home, where I unloaded all the things, ate all the pizza (the sole reason for the grocery stop), took a glorious shower, and then slept all the sleep.

Today, I am still tired. I am aching: lower body due to my 17 miles, and upper body due to the backpacks o' plenty that I schlepped for each of those miles. I feel the fatigue of no sleep in a major way, and will definitely be needing a nap this afternoon. I can only imagine how the runners - the ones who really & truly Did Work, Son - actually feel, when they put on 6x the miles and intensity (both physical & emotional). I'm sad that I'm not there to keep tabs on Brian or Kate, but I know Mary & Aaron are, and they are in good hands for prompt recovery. Or, as prompt as recovery can be after 100 freaking miles.

But seriously, when can I do this again?

My next adventure of this sort will be the Superior 50k, where a great big bunch of my local ROUS pals shall tackle a trail race beyond their expectations, and Brian & I are crewing the entire group. Following that, Brian's Tahoe 100, where pacer duties shall even be required out of me, in actual legit mountains, which I find a bit terrifying & daunting, yet totally awesome. This fall, another trip back up north for the Superior 100, where again I should get to pace through some dark hours under the bazillion stars. And probably even more other volunteering excursions, more than my schedule can properly handle, but knowing how vastly important such weekends are for my brain: totally worth squeezing in.

The pay for this crew chief gig, in terms of measurable things, is quite terrible. I gained a sore body. I am out a day of PTO, a night of sleep, two tanks of gas, $100 on a hotel room, and the chance for my own weekend trail run. I missed the freaking powerlifting meet at my beloved NSS, for the first time ever. In exchange for all of that, Brian gave me his profuse thanks, a Zumbro tee, and let me keep the opened Epic bar that wound up in my bag. That's it.

But, seriously? That's more than enough, because honestly, absolutely, I need nothing. I don't do this for any kind of payment beyond the experience of it, which cannot be measured. I am grateful that something I love to do is something the world needs. All I need in return is one thing: Brian's promise that I can continue crewing him as long as he continues racing. That is it.

Because if it's not obvious from all of the above rambling, I am simply in love with weekends like this...truly, madly, deeply. I get all the excitement & adrenaline of race day, without all the work. I can continue running the shorter miles that my own body is happiest with, and still experience the epic of insane distances. I do it for the love of my bestie and the love of the nature and the love of helping and the love of the people.

And I am fulfilled beyond belief.

Thursday, April 9

Nutrition: All the shortcuts! Imma eat nothing but for the next two days, too.
  • 5-eggs, side pork, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 8-apple, mixed nuts
  • 930-Larabar 
  • 1130-chocolate super cookies
  • (12p-Dustin session)
  • 130-chews
  • 230-banana, pork jerky, bootch
  • 5-apple chips
  • 6-hot dog

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 845p-445a, 87% quality. Solid until woken by Hankypank.

Healthy Movement: Serious squat soreness. Weird, how about never impacts my session, though. My session was fucking awesome! Killed my pull-ups, killed my deadlifts, totally fine with the two failures that I did have. Also, bonus points: I cracked a callous, drew blood, and Dustin had to scrub the bar & the rings. Badass! Left neck/shoulder a little tight & cranky as the day went on, sometimes sharp. Perhaps my rather kippy ring pulls are basically causing the same as the muscle-up trouble. Gah. 

Fun & Play: Hubs chitchat. Vacation loading! NSS! Session! Heading to my long weekend. Race excitement. Race logistics. Watching BK's gears turn as he contemplates these logistics. Crazypants friends of mine!

Wednesday, April 8

  • 330a-some mixed nuts.
  • 5-eggs, side pork, Brussels sprouts, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 9-half LB
  • 1045-half LB
  • 1215-tuna w/ HB egg & mustard on rice crackers, apple, LB
  • 4-leftover jerky, leftover Renola
  • 6-pork roast, toast, fruit

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 930p-445a, 69% quality. Woke h/s/g at 330a, up for bathroom, water, few mixed nuts. Guessing this was prompted by a sizable amount of supper calories, as I noshed on mixed nuts while my spaghetti squash heated up and pretty well slathered my apple in SB. If not that, then I have no damned idea what. Was woken often from my dozing (by Clyde & Hank) until I gave up & got up.

Healthy Movement: Body feels great, actually. Logged my dose of SA chin work in class, and they felt better than they have in a long time. No time to run (too much work to do before my weekend getaway), and not much interest. Felt squats by mid-afternoon. Oof.

Fun & Play: Class. Walk to run success stories, and some new-year logistics with Mike. Productivity. Good coworker chats. Mini-vacation time! Packing and logistics and to bed early. This will be my first weekend off since the NSS Xmas party in early February.

Tuesday, April 7

  • 515a-eggs, side pork, Brussels sprouts, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 845-LB
  • 1045-LB
  • (12p-Dawn session)
  • 130-pork roast, toast, fruit, peach bootch
  • 400-LB
  • 645-spaghetti squash w/ olives, toast, mixed nuts, apple w/ SB

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 915p-5a, 82% quality. Woke an hour after going to bed, coughing, needed water, but otherwise was completely zonked. Was a little dozy from 430a onward, until Hank began his dance. Got up feeling tired & dehydrated, improved with food.

Healthy Movement: Body feels really good. Lats have improved since last night. Session was acceptable. Low back tightened up some mid-afternoon, and all at once I was slammed by a wave of exhaustion. OOF. Taught class which woke me back up; did some good third-world-squat stretching and the back felt better with that. Managed to get in ten SA chin drills but they didn't feel great so I still didn't push. Come on body, get over the stress!

Fun & Play: Slow-moving morning. Session with Timmy & Dawn, and silly Holea chitchat. A [relatively minor] work riddle solved. A goofy email to a sick Dustin. Class. A silent house. Lunch plans made with Mary!

Stress Management: This place is so fucking lucky that I love my people. I am so tired of the massive, draining, drowning-in-it workload. Everyone is. It's worrisome.

Monday, April 6

  • 515a-eggs, side pork, Brussels sprouts, Slawsa, toast, coffee w/ coconut milk
  • 830-LB
  • 1030-apple w/ coconut butter
  • 1p-tuna w/ HB egg & avocado & mustard on rice crackers, apple
  • 4-LB
  • 615-jerky, carrot cookies
  • 745-jerky, pork roast

Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed, 930p-445a, 79% quality. Damn hubs kept me up late, but sleep was completely solid. And I got to wake up Hanky!

Healthy Movement: Back a bit tight in the morning, otherwise good. Class warmup felt lovely. Lats a bit sore but in a most delicious way, and not limiting. Managed 10 of SA chin work in class, but either I've gone quite a bit backward, or am fatigued from yesterday, cuz they wuz LOTS harder than they used to be. Was going to run at lunch, but just...didn't want to. Cold and cloudy and a big work pile. So, I'm about to log a full week off running? Meh, who cares. Besides, maybe it helps tomorrow's squats!

Fun & Play: Class. FB silliness. Lunch goodies from MK. Serious work productivity, including detailed notes on everything I did, for the next poor soul. Pet store visit that included hearing my cousin's MIL's stories about her ill-behaved 150# puppy, who makes Hank into an ANGEL. (And carrying out 65# of pet food like it was nothing.) Coffee w/ BK to discuss Zumbro details. RFL meeting. A house that smelled like amazingly delicious pork roast. A small sample proved it was unbeatable, with the fat melting like buttah. 

Sunday, April 5

  • 615a-SB&J French toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 915-mixed nuts
  • 11-bacon jerky, apple, Larabar 
  • 230-ribs, grilled cheeze, tomato dressing, LB
  • 645-spaghetti squash w/ tomato sauce, toast, apple w/ SB

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 930p-6a, 87% quality. Again woke when the hubs came home, I think 130a, but fell back easily and was pretty solid. Woke naturally and felt rested.

Healthy Movement: Had me some pull-up & push-up mania at NSS today. 5 pulls + 5 pushes every 20 minutes. For nearly 7 hours, so I hit a total of 100 each, every single one of them was perfect, beautiful form. Then 1 on the rings at home, and another push-up, just because 101 is way more fun!

Fun & Play: Time for reading & coffee in the morning. NSS which included a visit from the Ericksons. Pull-up badassery. Productivity & fun little tasks at NSS. Hubs time. Chores done. Pet time. Reading time. Quiet home time.

Temperance: One last push of work here, 3.5 days this week, and then I get a GLORIOUS BREAK. Thursday afternoon I head to Zumbro, Friday & Saturday I'll be up all night for the party in the woods, and then a Sunday rest day.

Saturday, April 4

Nutrition: I am so damn sick of Larabars that I am actually missing egg bakes & other protein-based snacks. Even a cold, plain hot dog sounds tastier. Looking forward to having my weekends back for proper food prep.

  • 6a-eggs, breakfast sausage, Brussels sprouts, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 9-Larabar, chia bootch
  • 1215p- tuna w/ mustard & rice crackers, apple, LB
  • 345-SB&J sandwich
  • 545-pork jerky, LB 
  • 8-mixed nuts

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 930p-545a, 88% quality. Woke briefly when the hubs came home at 3a, then woke naturally around 530a. Thankfully solid.

Healthy Movement: Body feels good, but I'm taking the rest day. Was happy not to be getting up early to hit the trails. Considered bringing gear to run at lunch in Sauk, but bleah to roads. Take the rest day again. 

Think I'm connecting the dots like so: mental stress impacts my running (see Monday night) and may or may not impact lifting; but even after the stress ends, there is a delayed impact to my lifting, at which time running starts to improve. Seems to be the pattern. So hopefully things come around by tomorrow but if not, no big loss. I'll for sure get my pulls in, at least. 

Fun & Play: Sleeping in. A peek out at the lunar eclipse. Deer on the tree line. Slow-moving morning as I tried to hang around to see the hubs, but he still wasn't up at 7a, and I just had to leave by then (otherwise would be super late getting out of tax firm, didn't want that). Taxy peeps. Taxy paycheck! Productivity. Last day of tax season for me. Quick dose of efficiency at dad's shop. Time to read with a sweet snuggly Hank. 

Friday, April 3

Nutrition: Enjoyed the heck out of a spontaneous lunch date with a spastic HB today. Too fun!
  • 5a-eggs, breakfast sausage, Brussels sprouts, Slawsa, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 9-Larabar
  • 12-eggs, ham, potatoes, coffee (Trav's!!)
  • 3-LB
  • 630-pork rinds w/ salsa, egg & cheeze & sausage on toast, apple w/ SB, bootch

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 9p-445a, 84% quality. Woke at midnight to Hank loudly slopping up water, yelled at him & fell back; woke at 315a, easily fell back; woke at 4a, dozed until the prancing pooches got me up. Tired.

Healthy Movement: Lower back feels nearly normal. Forgot to mention I also acquired some neck tightness during/after yesterday's session, and that problem is still around. Got better throughout the rest day. Very low energy when I got home, brain just tapped. Sat on couch all night, like a slug. Not sure about a morning run.

Fun & Play: After not enough sleep, and feeling that "overwhelmed by my life" exhaustion, I decided NOT to leave the house at 6am when I was ready, but rather sit down with a book & my two cuddliest pets, until the hubs got up (if I don't see him in the morning, I don't see him at all; he got home at 12:30am). Made a huge difference to the state of my brain, but I still left the house feeling quite tired. Silliness w/ work peeps helped. Wonderful little chat with the CFO, finally, and I left thinking that man is awesome. Lunch w/ HB. Productivity. Fetch. Laziness with critters.

Stress Management: Getting better. Rereading my own advice helped. As does this: the realization that I will not miss the company I'm at, merely the people. And I can still see/hang with the people on a frequent basis - I'm still going to be in the same town, I'm still great friends with many of them, and hello, Facebook provides loads of interaction. But instead of giving all of my time & energy & talent to a company that I no longer adore, it will go to companies that I am fully invested in, and which also have people I care about. It's not just going to be different, it will be better. I must not get so deep into the loss that I can't see the immense gain.

Thursday, April 2

Nutrition: Hangry this afternoon.
  • 6a-eggs, breakfast sausage, Slawsa, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 945-Larabar
  • 1115-LB
  • (12p-Dustin session)
  • 130-turkey & pork & cheese on toast, LB
  • 4-bit of coconut butter
  • 6-raw veg w/ salsa, apple w/ SB
  • 7-mixed nuts

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 915p-545a, 79% quality. Woke at 3a h/s/g, got up for bathroom, water, and - some race chews! Figured I need simple carbs, but not a lot, so a little 100-calorie dose is about perfect. Plus, I have a huge supply of them and no plans to run any distances requiring them any time soon.

Healthy Movement: Body was significantly better in the morning. Still a touch of the tight low back, but not so limiting like yesterday. Went into session thinking nothing would need modifying, gave Dustin a look of pure disgust when he asked if I was okay starting deadlifts at 135; and he kept them light anyway. The back let me do everything, nothing I did seemed to make it crank, but by the end of the hour, it was back to being redonk tight. Come on! Stayed tight all afternoon, and I thought teaching class would be awful, but it actually helped it to loosen up, and by the time I got home it was a lot better. Still there, though.

Fun & Play: Sleeping in. Hubs time in the AM. Deer on the first tree line. Facebook official! Shared the news on FB so NO MORE SECRETS! Session w Timmy & the hilarious Dillon. Many lovely messages. Chitchat with BK, hubs, Britt, BL, yay! Fetch with pooches and snuggles with Clyde.

Stress Management: Feeling relief at telling, and gratitude at all the kind words, but also feeling the fear of change. So, let me dump it out and I can move on:
  • I will make less money.
    • So I'll also spend less. I know that I can cut back in many areas, just takes a little effort. 
    • It'll be a great puzzle, a challenge to make the numbers work!
  • I will have little, maybe even no, vacation time. 
    • I mostly only need a few long weekends, and I can easily rejig my hours at both jobs to make up those hours. 
    • I can ensure my vacation savings also funds a missing half-paycheck. And, since the hubs & I have busy seasons, I can designate the bonus money specifically to cover this.
  • I will stop putting money into retirement, for the first time in my adult working life.
    • It will be temporary, because I will not let this slide longer than it needs to. 
    • If I'm SANE because my job isn't trying to kill me, then I'll be healthier longer and not need as much for retirement. Heh.
  • I will miss the luxuries of TS.
    • I don't need all of the luxuries. And hey, some things may be good for me: no free coffee may benefit my adrenals, yo.
  • I will miss my peeps. 
    • I will be with my other peeps, and I will still have time for my favoritest peeps.
  • I will have to learn new stuff & feel like the dumb new kid for a while, probably like an outsider.
    • I am tired of the stuff I'm doing anyway! 
    • I am an outsider, and it's okay to be. That doesn't mean I'm not loved & welcomed.
  • I will miss my class.
    • I just will. I don't know how to get around this one.

Wednesday, April 1

  • 515a-eggs, breakfast sausage, Slawsa, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 930-hot cereal w/ coconut butter
  • 1245p-pork, apple, toast, Larabar
  • (2-30min walk)
  • 3-LB
  • 5-LB
  • (515-7m trails)
  • 715-raw veg w/ guac, SB&J toast, chia bootch

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 915p-5a, 76% quality. Woke at 1a, fell back immediately. Woke at 3a, h/s/g, had to get up for bathroom & water, and took ages to fall back: monkey mind + sore back. Pretty high pulse when I got up, becoming common in the past few stressy days/weeks/months.

Healthy Movement: Lower back is redonk tight, bothersome overnight. Could even feel it while logging a few pulls during class, what? Did some VERY gentle easy stretches, nothing that would antagonize it. It felt good to sit whenever I could, but only in certain ways. Joined the 30-minute company walk arranged for 2pm, even though I was already behind on month-end stuff (somehow when you announce you're quitting, everyone wants to talk to you!), and it felt like it loosened up my back somewhat. The run with Heidi went better than I expected, as the back allowed it, and loosened up a lot more by the end of the run. When I slid into BK's booth at 930am break, I could not have moved more like an old lady. By lunch, I was just moving carefully. By the time I got home, I wasn't thinking about it at all - significant change!

Fun & Play: Class. Relief of telling. Lovely reactions from all of my lovely people. BK chitchat. Walk with my BB! Run with HH. Nature. Fetch with happy pooches. Feeling more relief.

Stress Management: Told my team. Difficult, and tears, and etc, but of course everyone is very happy for me. I hope that I can start losing the many physical manifestations of that stress now. I can't believe how freaking sensitive I am, it's so damned frustrating.