Monday, February 16

  • 5-fried egg sandwich w/ summer sausage & mustard, coffee w/ CM
  • 930-meat sticks, Larabar
  • (1145-4.5m run)
  • 1245p-ham, sweet potato, LB
  • 4-LB
  • 630-salad w/ avocado & tomato dressing, toast, apple w/ SB

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 915p-5a, 87% quality. Woke at 230a to toss & turn for a while, but not quite enough to get up.

Healthy Movement: Body feels fairly good. Like I feel myself mentally bracing for a tight back first thing in the morning, but it's not there. Nice! Could feel yesterday's squats in my class warm-up, though, rather fatigued. BK canceled our usual Monday-night LCSP date, made me sad. (Also just plain frustrating that it happens when the hubs isn't home to not-annoy by being out late.) I somehow dug out the motivation to go on a solo road run over lunch, and it was not a disaster. That makes it a victory!

Fun & Play: Class. BK chitchat. A successful run. Work productivity. FB silliness. Quiet home. 

Stress Management: BK chitchat felt a bit melancholy for me, as he is doing so well, and I'm still feeling like mental garbage. Hearing about his weekend felt like hearing a friend describe a kick-ass race while I sit here injured & unable to run: it sounds like they are leaving out some of the bits & pieces, in order to avoid making me feel worse. I don't know that he was hiding anything, but it just felt like maybe yes. Which is probably a sign I'm seriously fucking paranoid.

I began a file into which I can journal all the shit currently smashing around in my head like UPS-truck-sized bumper cars. It feels scary to put any of this in print, even if it's for my eyes only. I'm hoping a ginormous brain dump will allow me to put the water down for a while, so I can get back to enjoying the now. 

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