Tuesday, January 20

  • 445a-eggs, chicken brat, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 730-Larabar
  • 9-ham sticks, apple, coffee w/ CM
  • 1115-Larabar
  • (12p-Dustin session)
  • 130-tuna w/ mustard, rice crackers, apple, coconut water (bleah, not worth it)
  • 330-macadamia nuts
  • 615-chicken, broccoli, toast, apple w/ SB

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 915p-445a, 76% quality. Hubs woke me up at some point with a surprising panic attack, anxiety attack, something like that. NO IDEA what time it was, but I could barely wake myself up enough to care. Cue more guilt!

Healthy Movement: Bit of deep left-glute ache, and low-back ache. Session was MEH: beast mode has died due to the stress, and I knew it would. But FUCK do I hate that! It's not even me falling apart this time, and I have to pay the price AS ALWAYS because I internalize everything. Everything.

Fun & Play: Good team morale. Good talk with Dustin. Class. Hubs time in the eve, improving.

Stress Management: Hubs falling apart. It's nice not to be ME falling apart for once, but it's very hard to avoid joining him. I already feel the body breaking down a little (right IT band, left hip ache, left low-back tightness, left-glute ache, etc) which is extra stressy because I desperately want to go run through the warm woods (all day every day) in order to calm the brain. But the body will not let me, stupid thing!

So, trying to keep the brain up. Somehow.

Usually, helping other people out of their funk is a boon to me, as I forget about myself & my woes, but in this situation his funk makes me feel very guilty, which always leads to beating myself up, and then everyone loses.

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