Wednesday, December 30

Nutrition:
  • 2 Larabars
  • 3-ish servings olive oil potato chips

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 9p-515a, 89% quality. Up for water, bathroom, cookie at 230a. Argh.

Healthy Movement: Body feeling good; still a touch of left hip flexor annoyance, shoulder perhaps a teensy step backward from Tuesday's session. Easy deadlifts to bring the brain back up after they were so hard last week. Plus, the KB rope row has dramatically improved after only like 4 weeks, and the point of it is to work toward a rope climb. Eeeee! Pull-ups goal reached, with ease.

Fun & Play: Paige time. Session. Dustin time. NSS bliss. GP & BB visit with unexpected treats! FB silliness. Much time spent dreaming of future possibilities.

The most wonderful post by Dustin regarding my pull-ups. I want to hug him for it, and never let go. 

Such a deep tribute to my silly little obsession.

Tuesday, December 29

Nutrition: Tonight I tried a trick discussed at the canteen, after donating blood. I opened a bag of potato chips, filled a bowl, and closed up the bag & put it away. I only ate what was in the bowl, rather than the entire bag in front of me. And I was still satisfied. WHAT A CRAZY CONCEPT. THE WORLD SHOULD KNOW ABOUT THIS!
  • 2 larabars
  • Paleokrunch
  • ~2s olive oil potato chips

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 915p-515a, 72% quality. Woke & up for bathroom, water, snack at 130a. Angrily.

Healthy Movement: Body felt great. Something a bit off in left hip flexor, it got a little bitchy during squats. Rest of the day was all cool. Shoulder slightly improving.

Fun & Play: NSS day, silliness abounding. That place makes me so happy. Donating blood, which including running into two friends, thus chatting the entire time. Time to read with my cuddly pets.

Monday, December 28

Nutrition: Think I need to stop with the two-per-morning Larabars and instead try having a large snack/small meal just once in mid-morning. I can't not have something, since breakfast is at 530a and lunch is at 115p (after noon lifting). If I thought & planned in "meal" terms, I could avoid spending so much on LBs, avoid a decent amount of sugar, and have better nutrients coming in. This will be quite a challenge for me to accomplish, since LBs are just SO EASY.
  • Larabars: 2
  • Paleokrunch

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 9p-515a, 66% quality. Weird; I would've called it 90%. Woke naturally but was disappointed when I looked at the time, felt like I could have tucked back in & fallen back.

Healthy Movement: Slight ache in back & lower body. Shoulder only vaguely there; carried 25-lb cat litter across WalMart with left hand and it didn't whine; yay! Got tired at DBB, but that's again because I don't move enough.

Fun & Play: Slow-moving morning. Nice boss men chitchat. SM chitchat. Evening DBB Xmas gathering was lovely. Excellent people.

Sunday, December 27

Nutrition:
  • GF dinner roll w/ cream cheese
  • lotta rice crackers
  • metric ton BWCs

Sleep: 9.5 hours in bed, 815p(!)-545a, 85% quality. Slept like a log and got up feeling great. Still wanted nap at about 1p, but no time.

Healthy Movement: Logged a sweet round of basement lifting that left me feeling good & strong, even though nothing truly radical in it. Body a touch fatigued afterward, but having no specific aches or pains was fantabulous. Nothing hurting from run. Only slight underlying shoulder weirdness; way ton better than yesterday, and it wasn't aggravated by lifting. Hooray!

Fun & Play: Slow-moving morning. Solid lifting. Hubs time. Sleepy pets. Funny blog reading. A big happy Hoppe family Christmas.

Saturday, December 26

Nutrition:
  • Trav's
  • bag olive oil chips

Sleep: 9.25 hours in bed, 845p-6a, 86% quality. Hellz yeah, I got up feeling awesome.

Healthy Movement: Body feeling great straight out of bed. Sat around all morning. Shoulder was perfectly fine, nothing - until I held the grocery basket in my left hand for like 5 minutes. BOOM, now it hurts the rest of the day. So I'm adding BB deadlifting to my possible shoulder-pain causers. Finally logged a trail run, in lots of fresh snow, making it extra hard. Still, great fun with BK, feels like it's been ages. Post-run, had some niggles up in the hamstring insertion areas, an old ache - not the strained hamstring pain from this summer/fall.

Fun & Play: Slow-moving morning with Clyde in my lap. Fewer places to change my stored credit card than I thought. Loooong second breakfast with my BB. Running with BK. Being outside in the daylight! Laziness on couch, snuggling with Clyde & Hanky boy.

Friday, December 25

Nutrition:
  • half a Daiya cheezecake w/
  • homemade date-based caramel

Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed, 1015p-530a, 69% quality. Better than that; awake for a bit at 3a, but didn't need to get up; woke naturally.

Healthy Movement: Body feeling good. Nothing from yesterday's swings, happily. Shoulder about the same. Logged a Half the Lifts workout, and thus could add more swings & slams (aka, fun!). It didn't all feel great, things felt heavier than they "should," which has been a theme the past couple of weeks. I dunno what's up, but I guess as long as I'm still lifting heavy, it counts. I should probably be doing Dave's biofeedback thing when my body acts like this. Hell, I am the sort of person who should be doing it all the time, but I've just never gotten into it, because the idea of doing something I SHOULD do rather than what I WANT to do is rather frustrating to me. Even if I know it's best/right/brilliant to do what I should, I want to do what I want to do, dammit! It would take a mindset shift for me, a game of figuring out what I "get to" do today, rather than having a plan that I'm forced to change. Maybe it's something worth trying during tax season stressful busyness, at least.

Fun & Play: Good sleep. Slow moving morning. Lifting. Family time. Happy pets. Fun afternoon of cards. So much delicious food.

Thursday, December 24

Nutrition:
  • GF English muffin x2
  • Pint AZ

Sleep: 9 hours in bed, 845p-545a, 81% quality. Fair amount of tossing & turning 3a onward or so. Napped 12-130p, and it was fab.

Healthy Movement: Body decent, left shoulder a touch crank while sleeping. Things I've thought of that could be aggravating it: heavier bench cycle; wide/pull-up grip; couch time; reading time; limited ROM in that shoulder; pure bullshit randomness. Le sigh. Anyway, I had less than zero desire to go running solo, so I decided to do swings & snatches - but the snatches went terribly, all jerky & smacky so I smartly shut those down immediately. Luckily, the med ball slams felt fantabulously fun/easy, and I added some yoga I've been missing, and then stretched every angle of the left shoulder. Laziness the rest of the day, including 4 hours of couch time.

Fun & Play: Slow morning. Emailed the boss boys my thanks. Played fetch in the snow, coffee in my hand. Laziness. Nap time. Hubs time. Two funny movies!

Wednesday, December 23

Nutrition:
  • 2 larabars
  • Paleokrunch
  • GF English muffin w/ cheeze
  • Entire bag of chips (oops)

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 9p-445a, 82% quality. Woke super early, tossed & turned, gave up. Should have been lots of sleep, but didn't feel like it. Wanted to nap by 3p or so.

Healthy Movement: Body felt decent but once again, everything in session was quite hard, out of sync, just ugh. What the hell gives?! When I got home, I just wanted to veg, without even a book, because that sounded like a lot of work. But I didn't want to watch TV either - also required too much energy. WHAT?? Took a little catnap with Clyde, snoozing while waiting to feed the dogs at 6p.

Shoulder was cranky after sitting for a while; I actually think the positioning of my couch/recliner might be aggravating it more than my workouts even. (What?!) I have spent tons more time couching lately because I've had such good books to read, so it coincides nicely with shoulder crank. After that I read a magazine while standing in the kitchen. I don't know.

Fun & Play: Caribou. NSS. Fun mug magic. Gifting to Timmy and to my former peeps (I'm assuming they could use a little lift at this point). Semi-delirious, over-tired, goofy coworkers. Wonderfully amazing friends. Sweet pets.

Temperance: It's been a while since I've felt this junky and I don't like it. Especially since I don't really have anything specific to point to as causing it. I haven't been running but I didn't think I missed it - I do miss my friends, though not desperately like I did this fall. I've been reading good books and the hubs has been home, which has kept me from feeling lonely. My resting pulse has been pretty high lately, which usually indicates stress or sickness; I don't really feel either one. I don't know what's up. And I don't really know how to fix it, other than to rest as much as needed, read lots (maybe in a new chair), find ways to get outside (think I will take the pooches LCSP-ing tomorrow), and keep plans to a minimum (only my family & my besties get my time).

Tuesday, December 22

Nutrition:
  • 2 larabars
  • Paleokrunch
  • Pint AZ

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 845p-515a, 91% quality. Woke naturally, feeling rested.

Healthy Movement: Sore from Sunday's squats. Everything in session felt hard. In eve, couldn't even finish third flexed arm hang (of my usual 4) - just too hard. What is up, body?

Fun & Play: NSS day. Favorite peeps in silly sweaters. Chitchat & plans with besties. Gifting to Chief. Enough reading time to finish yet another book. Snuggly pets. 

Monday, December 21

Nutrition:
  • 2 Larabars
  • many rice crackers
  • GF dinner roll w/ cream cheeze

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 9p-515a, 87% quality. Was solid but woke at 2a (too big of a supper), and then was in/out 430a onward (was just plain time to get up). And Hanky didn't get off the couch until I got up - it is the most lovely thing EVAH to be able to wake up naturally.

Healthy Movement: In the morning, low back feeling the deadlifts, in a good way. But upper legs feeling the squats, in a bad way, by afternoon. Oof. Had planned swings & snatches, but erred on the cautious side with rest for tomorrow's session. At least then I only have one workout to regret!

Fun & Play: Slow-moving morning, after waking naturally: priceless!! Bought hubs & me snowshoes for some quality time in the great outdoors. If this purchase means no more snow, I'm fine with that! Good lazy night of reading. 

Sunday, December 20

Nutrition: I ate like a champ today. ALL THE FOOD.
  • treats from GB (dark chocolate, honey, almond / dark chocolate, honey, ginger)
  • Daiya pizza
  • pint AZ
Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 945p-545a, 82% quality. Slept like a rock, then a bit tossy/turny 2a onward, but I woke naturally and felt rested. Winning! Napped 12-2p again, loving my life.

Healthy Movement: Bit of ache in legs getting out of bed. Had a basement session of All The Lifts, and hip flexors were oddly creaky, and bench felt hard. Surprisingly had no mental investment in the outcome, though, just happy I did it all. Felt remarkable improvement in flexed arm hang; I was stuck at 20s repeats for two weeks (took that long not to feel impossible), but then steadily increased 22, 24, 26 over the past week. My plan is to get up to 30s repeats feeling easy-ish, then decrease the rest periods. Also, I crossed 10,000 YTD pull-ups today. BITCHEZ.

Fun & Play: Slow breakfast. Bills paid. Good lifting, while hubs also used his Bowflex (yay!). NAP TIME. A hubs in cleaning mode. All chores done. Tons of reading done. Lovely day!

Saturday, December 19

Nutrition:
  • GF dinner roll w/ fake cream cheeze
  • Downtown Diner breakfast
  • fake ice cream
  • suspect mashed potatoes at a bar in St Martin

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 10p-530a, 84% quality. In late due to chatty cousin Marky, up early to run with pals. Napped 12-2p, and felt great.

Healthy Movement: Ran roads with ROUSers in order to breakfast with them & exchange white elephant gifts. Didn't feel hard, but left IT was a little crank during the final mile or so, despite emphatic aversion of leftward slants; but we were quite slow and had bad footing, both of which created an unnatural gait.

Fun & Play: ROUS peeps dressed up silly for Christmas, chitchat with BL & HB, breakfast with peeps I don't often see, laziness at home, nap time, Hoppe family outing, pet snuggles, reading time. A good day.

Friday, December 18

Nutrition:
  • 2 Larabars
  • GF dinner roll
  • Qdoba
  • sugary cashew bites (shared with my NSS peeps so I'd only get a few)

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 915p-530a, 97% quality. YES. Hanky didn't even get off the couch today.

Healthy Movement: Low back was tight today, I'd blame both deadlifts and the stress of caring for my friend. Nothing major though, just tight.

Fun & Play: NSS day. Coworkers who belong on walls of fame, everywhere. Friend battling depression had a better day, and I played a part in that. Incredibly wondertastic and sweet meeting with my generous boss boys. I love them so deeply, I can't even find words. Emma time, shopping for Katie (pushing all the noisy buttons in the toy aisle), out for supper, followed by [lengthy] chitchat with the rest of her family.

Thursday, December 17

Nutrition:
  • 2 Larabars
  • GF dinner roll
  • this may have been the night I ate a pot full of spaghetti?

Sleep: 9 (!) hours in bed, 845p-545a, 92% quality. Hanky boy came in at his usual 430a, Hop beeped his shock collar (beeped, didn't shock), and he went back to sleep. Thus, SO DID I. It was glorious. I slept through my alarm. It was glorious.

Healthy Movement: Body feeling pretty great. Session was a decent showing other than the left shoulder mobility is getting worse. I suppose when I do absolutely nothing about it, that's not a surprising outcome, eh?

Fun & Play: NSS day. Helping a friend experiencing depression, and being able to understand exactly how she feels, small slice of gratitude for the pain I went through back when. Session full of smartassery. Beloved coworkers, just wondertastic beings. Pets. Hubs. Reading. Writing.

I don't need much.

Wednesday, December 16

Nutrition: Pretty hungry today. And snacky, so I ate various appetizers for supper. Plus an entire bag of chips, accompanied by an impressive "I'm eating chips for supper" song.  
  • Larabars: 2
  • Bag olive oil potato chips

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 845p-5a, 85% quality. Up at 130a for water, bathroom, half a LB (pure carbs for supper). Hank was up at 4a, got up to throw him out around 430a, got up to his incessant scratching at 5a.

Tonight, hubs insists he's wearing the shock collar. I won't even fight him - this is getting ridiculous. He has spurts where he's perfectly able to go 8 hours overnight, and Hop is letting him out at around 1030p, so there is no reason he needs to be up at 430a.

Healthy Movement: Could feel the left hip flexor weirdness straight out of bed. Left shoulder was better overnight. Squat soreness in quads, and lats a bit sore (happy). Had running plans with Heidi and our dogs, but snow canceled them. Should've done swings but body didn't feel awesome and tomorrow is deadlift day, so I was lazy. 

Fun & Play: Slow morning, with bonus hubs time. Productivity. FB sillies. Fetch. Hubs time. Much reading time, new books!

Tuesday, December 15

Nutrition: Let CJ twist my arm into 1pm coffee: delicious happiness!
  • 2 Larabars
  • rice spaghetti

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 915p-445a, 77% quality. Hank up at 430a, jerkface. Tired girl. Left shoulder was a bit crank overnight when sleeping on it.

Healthy Movement: Body feeling fairly good. Session went decent. Slight weirdness in left hip flexor, but was not bothered during squats.

Fun & Play: NSS day. Good Chief chat, much productivity, and random silliness like shuffling on the ice to the mailbox with CJ. FB fun. Chores finished. Reading time with Hanky trying to get into my lap.

Temperance: I am back to giving up on my too-busy friend. I just can't keep chasing that friendship. If it has to be forced, then it's not worth my time. It's too exhausting, and it's very bad for my brain.

Monday, December 14

Nutrition:
  • Larabars: 1
  • GF dinner roll w/ fake cream cheeze

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 9p-445a, 94% quality, but then I got up to let the dogs out, waited for Lexi to get back, and went the fuck back to bed. Dozed for 15 minutes, got up to let a scratching, whining Hank back in, then went the fuck back to bed. Dozed until 6a, got up to a whining Hank. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT DOG. I was hating him pretty thoroughly. I got up feeling tired & crank, like the dose of bucket-refilling from the NSS party was already gone.

Healthy Movement: Body felt better than expected when I rose; basically nothing besides slight calf tightness. The left shoulder has been a little crank for the past week. Very mild at this point, but coinciding, very sadly, with heavier benching. Finally had my shit together to do swings & snatches when I got home. Left shoulder didn't love the snatches, but the rest of the body felt pretty much amazing.

Fun & Play: Sleeping in, kinda sorta. Writing. Retail therapy (mostly books). Fun project at DBB: data entry, which some days would bore me to tears, but was weirdly pleasant today. Maybe brainlessness is just what I needed.

Sunday, December 13

Nutrition:
  • 1 Larabar
Sleep: I didn't have Sleep Cycle on, since I didn't want to find an outlet at 130a. But there you go, I went to bed at 1:30a, and was up by 6:30a, after I heard CJ return to his bed and I couldn't fall back. Thanks for all of the recent 445a trainings, Hanky! Quality had to hover around 50%. It was a long time before the screaming drunken laughter and maniacal thumping from downstairs was overtaken by my exhaustion. Managed to nap 2-4p, sleeping like a log on one side until I woke at 3, then I flipped and logged another solid hour on that side. Like a champ!

Healthy Movement: Got up feeling okay. Commenced mainlining coffee, made endless plates of bacon, stayed busy & felt okay. By the drive home, I was feeling the sleep deprivation. Met my beasties for a run anyway, but I at least had the intelligence to cut it a little short. Body felt better than I expected, but I know the run will delay my sleep recovery, and leave me achier than usual, so I made it as short as I could mentally stand. Post-nap, I of course felt even worse. Sleepy, a little sore, mentally tanked. Aware that I will feel this for a few days. After a lazy week last week, I don't feel good at the prospect of yet another one!

Fun & Play: Very thankful I had the main living area to myself when I woke so much earlier than others. I made & drank lots of good coffee, caught up on Faceplace, did a little clean-up, started the bacon, and happily greeted my peeps as they trickled in. I enabled their own mainlining of coffee (5 pots, I think), made the entire package of bacon ends & pieces (all gone), two packages of sausage (not sure these got touched), and then made my own eggs & toast. CJ took on pancake duty, and damn they looked good. When we had to leave, all but three bellies were happily satisfied, since those bellies had just awakened. Happy pets at home. Trails with my favorites, where I planned a doggie date for Hankypank on Wednesday. Nap time with my snuggly kittehs. Reading. A zero-obligation evening, minimal chores accomplished.

Temperance: Last night as I was helping with Mount Dishes, I had a few crank thoughts of resentment against those who'd gone to bed early and those who were still partying, with me being the only one helping the boss boys. And this morning some more resentment that those in both groups didn't help make breakfast (besides CJ), and probably the two super-hungover boss wives wouldn't actually be much help with clean-up, and guilty that it would fall upon the boss boys (we had to leave by 10 so I could run, and everyone else had already left).

But while driving to meet my besties, I realized that the party is supposed to be from the boss boys, to us, in appreciation of all we do for their baby. So tradition is to let them do everything. And yet, that was probably a lot easier when it was 8 people - last night was 15! I simply do not have it in my power to sit by and let the boss boys do everything like that. Didn't they just pay hundreds of dollars to give us fabulous gifts and a fuckton of fun memories? Why wouldn't I spend a couple hours of my time lightening their load a bit? But instead of resentment for the non-helpers, I realized I could instead be grateful that I have a helping heart, bosses I love, and the ability to lighten their load in many small ways.

I'm working on it.

Saturday, December 12

Nutrition: NSS Xmas means looooots of food!
  • GF dinner roll w/ fake cream cheese
  • sweetened BBQ on my special baked unbreaded wings
  • metric ton of BWCs
Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 945p-530a, 80% quality. Up at 4a to let Hank out. And I left him out, the rotten little fucker. But no worries, he got back at me when he began noisily rummaging in the recycling bin at 530a. COME ON, YOU JERK.

Healthy Movement: Upper back feels tight. I had decided I could possibly squeeze in time to lift this morning, but I gave up on that when I didn't bounce up out of bed. I do have a running date planned with my besties tomorrow, but if that means bolting out of the NSS breakfast early, then I won't be doing it. I'd rather lift, anyway; running really just doesn't hold any appeal right now, for some reason. Much sitting throughout the day, body was okay with it. Got extremely tired on drive to Camp Ripley, but managed okay after that.

Fun & Play: Slow-moving weekend morning: lovely. Snuggles with Clyde. Wreaths for the Fallen (that wasn't redonk freezing!). Made a purty NSS-colored bracelet with the NSS women. Joined the NSS boys and commenced the real party, alongside a hubs who thoroughly enjoyed it as well. So many laughs, lovely gifts, hilarious gifts, funny videos, fun games, laughing laughing laughing with my favoritest people. Helped the boss boys with nighttime cleanup while the early birds were already out or gone, and the drunks were still raging on - we finished up the ginormous pile of dishes at 1:00am. Hard to believe I even stayed up that late!

Friday, December 11

Nutrition: Today's strategy: if you can't get more sleep, get more calories.
  • 1 Larabar
  • Breakfast at Trav's 
  • GF dinner roll with fake cream cheese
  • SB&J & honey Paleo on the Go pancakes

Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed, 930p-445a, 79% quality. I need to start going to bed by 830p. I. Am. So. Tired. 

Healthy Movement: Body decent but incredibly tired. Should've done the flexed arm hangs that I didn't do yesterday (since I left work early for a vet visit) but the idea sounded way too hard. Low back feeling pretty tight. At about 2p, Paige & I discussed how easy it would be to fall asleep, even with the lights on and music blaring. Just pure exhaustion.

Fun & Play: NSS productivity, book club, Xmas party planning. Reading. Hubs time. Chitchat to plan a running date. FB silliness. Chitchat with CP.

Temperance: A major thing with a friend has been bothering me, and the chitchat with CP helped me realize it's not just me. It doesn't fix it for me, at ALL, but it makes me feel like less of an asshole to be thinking the way I am.

I volunteered to help out the boss boys with party things, and ended up with the VERY long grocery shopping list. I left a bit early to go fetch everything, and I literally just wanted to sit in my car & cry. It sounded impossibly hard to go suffer through WalMart. Yet once I decided to just go to Elden's, it got better. It was still a lot of work that I wished I hadn't volunteered for (huge cartload, many small decisions, find Sabrina-fied options, load it all in my car, unload it all into my house, sort everything out for the three different events, reload into car & fridge, etc).

BUT when I swung back through NSS to scavenge a few small items, and talked to Dustin about some logistics, it became clear how very, very helpful it was for me to take this shopping off their hands. They both do a TON of work for this party, so much behind the scenes and so much at the last-minute, and Dustin with a sick family - so seeing that come through a little more fully in his own exhaustion made me feel better that I was "suffering" for a good reason, that I really was helping them out in a big way.

Honestly...how do they do it, all day every day? A thriving business to work in and work on, staff to manage and mold, fitness goals to chase, hobbies to indulge in, wee children to raise, very busy wives with their own jobs & hobbies, on much less sleep, and with much better attitudes. (Dustin has read like twice as many books as me this year: how?! when?!) I admire them so much, and I wish I were just a little bit like them.

Thursday, December 10

Nutrition:
  • 1 Larabar

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 845p-5a, 89% quality, woke by Hanky, still very tired.

Healthy Movement: Body was feeling good, and session was fine, though nothing stellar. Still some weirdness in left overhead mobility. Hint of left shoulder crank, was doing PT stretches during session, still felt it creep back in, in the afternoon. No thanks.

Fun & Play: NSS day. Much hilarity with Paige. Dog park adventures: happy pooches, happy me hanging with Charlie, CE, & CJE. Hubs time. Reading time.

Temperance: On Tuesday, Dustin passed me off to Mike, for devoted work time. Today, I trained with Paige, because both  boss boys were at a speaking event. Somehow, this came in feeling personal, and I wanted to cry. It had nothing to do with me, yet my overly tired brain listened to the cunty internal voice that insisted it did. I've been feeling very drained for the past couple weeks, extra much so this week, and so now I'm overly sensitive to absolutely everything. I hate this feeling.

Wednesday, December 9

Nutrition:
  • Larabars: 1
  • metric ton of cashews

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 915p-515a, maybe 75% quality. Lexi was noisy (flap flap flap) 330-4a, Hank was prancing at 5a sharp. To top it off, got up with an aching ear from one of my ear plugs; that is a surprisingly painful place to have a hurt.

Healthy Movement: Got up with body feeling good, but feeling no desire to fit in a run today. Packed a bag anyway, just in case I heard from my friends. I didn't. And I didn't do my swings & snatches either, because I was cranky & lazy.

Fun & Play: Finished shopping for Xmas presents for Chiefs, and feeling generous about the extras I'm adding. Love my boss boys. Massively productive at DBB, but then ran out of things I could do, and waited for boss man to get off the phone to help me, and he kept jabbering, so I finally gave up and left early. Thus, home early. Thus, reading early!

Tuesday, December 8

Nutrition: Couldn't finish my ribs again at lunch. I think maybe it's time they're dog food.
  • 2 larabars
  • Rice crackers

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 9p-445a, dog again needing out extra early. This is old. And frustrating. 

Healthy Movement: Body feeling good and greased but session wasn't anything impressive. Meh. 

Fun & Play: Slow morning. NSS time. Much silliness at work. Trained with Mike while Dustin took devoted work time; missed my Chief, but still fun to hang with Mike, been a while since I have done so. Random supper with my BB & her GP, totes lovely & awesome.

Temperance: Down on myself lately. Overly sensitive and feeling lame. Not sure what I need to come out of this, nothing specific seems to be the source.

Monday, December 7

Nutrition: Am I sick? At lunch, ribs just weren't good: too fatty, too little flavor. Never in my life have I left ribs uneaten; I've out-eaten my own dad at a rib fest! Weird.
  • Larabars: 2

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 845p-445a, I'll judge 90% quality, but too short. Hank began prancing at 4a or so, like a punk-ass mofo.

Healthy Movement: Feeling yesterday's run, legs aching everywhere just a bit. Should've done swings & snatches, but I was feeling lazy.

Fun & Play: Lots of extra reading time thanks to Hank, drank an extra coffee while reading about AT hiking! DBB was productive, but not my favorite task, so it felt like a long day, but it actually helped when I made it longer and visited my papa to do his bookwork, too. I like that guy! Hubs time, taste-testing his rib sauce for the Xmas party. Another 50 pages read in my AT book. I am craving nature and trails!

Sunday, December 6

Nutrition:
  • 1 Larabar
  • another bag avocado oil potato chips (I KNOW)
Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed, 10p-515a, no quality, but I'd say 90%. Just too short, because I need to learn I CANNOT go to bed late. Hank needed out at 5a; I wanted him to go out and never come back, I was so cranky at that point; why can't he let me sleep in?!

Healthy Movement: Body feeling good, like not even a tight lower back from deadlifts; found myself anticipating that while doing laundry (possibly conditioned to feel the QL tendonitis?), and was quite happy to feel nothing but good. Went running with my TROUSers+, and it was a gorgeous morning in the woods. The run itself got hard at 5 miles, when deadlift legs showed up, but it was fine, we weren't trying to be speedy.

Fun & Play: Reading. Running. Woods. Friends. Hot coffee. Stealing NSS wireless to speed up my phone's eons-long downloads. Reading reading reading. Quotes. Hubs time. Hanky-thinking-he-is-a-lapdog time.

Saturday, December 5

Nutrition:
  • 1 Larabar
  • sweetened pecan treats (but lowest sugar of all the other options I debated)
  • bag olive oil potato chips (I gotta stop buying these, really, they ARE NOT supposed to be single-serving bags!)

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 9p-430a, no data because somehow it wasn't turned on even though I KNOW I DID IT. Also, up stupidly early because the dogs were jerks again.

Healthy Movement: Body feeling pretty awesome; tight hamstrings & upper back yet, but improved over yesterday. Logged an epic All The Things workout where absolutely everything felt good & strong: happy girl! Some low-back tightness later in the day, but nothing concerning. Left arm/shoulder again had some instability in presses, but it was better than it felt on Thursday, and noticeably stronger than only a couple of weeks ago.

Fun & Play: Bills paid & November reconciled before 7a! Super duper fun times at the Sweatin' For A Cause event at NSS. Fun workout, partially with Paige, partially while tracking the Western States Lottery*. Caribou treat! Back to NSS to wrap Xmas party gifts, and more Paige chitchat (I like that sweet girl!). FINALLY got my new phone all loaded with pics & contacts, although I didn't realize they would completely wipe everything I'd done so far on the new one: SO MUCH WASTED TIME WITH THIS. (And I also still need to upgrade the laptop, ugh ugh ugh. May just wait til post-tax-season for that slogfest.) Went shopping at Target, specifically for some plain colorful tees & jeans...and $272 later I did have 4 tees & 2 jeans, but also had a METRIC TON of new work/out clothes & a Hulk tee & one Xmas present & two Xmas cards. Oops. Well, I still had fun money from last tax season, so why not? Silly pets, hubs time, quiet lazy Saturday night at home.

Nature: *Since BK is not in Western States, I don't even have to debate spending my summer vacation on him, so hubs & I are most definitely going to Colorado next summer. MOUNTAINS FOR ME PLEASE CAN IT BE NOW PLEASE I WANT THEM RANOW.

Friday, December 4

Nutrition:
  • 3 Larabars (oops)
  • bag avocado oil potato chips (nom)

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 9p-530a, no quality showing, because the fancy new phone has to calibrate first. (GAH, GIMME MY DATA!) I'd call it 75%.

Healthy Movement: None. Sat on my ass all day and then did the same at home. Some tightness in core due to the sitting (come on, how can both running and sitting aggravate it?!), so I plotted a lifting date tomorrow and running date on Sunday. Slight tightness in hamstrings, slight tightness in upper back; thanks, deadlifts!

Fun & Play: Taxy peeps at a [long, dull] conference. Another visit to Sprint, with good progress on fancy new phone (still no photos and only some contacts, gotta go back tomorrow AGAIN). Silly, loving pets.

Thursday, December 3

Nutrition:
  • 2 Larabars
  • grilled cheeze

Sleep: Dunno, info is on old phone and I don't have it. I do know I was mostly awake 3-4a, up for bathroom, water, snack. Got up tired.

Healthy Movement: Body feeling good but was tired & cranky, so didn't have a lot of hope for session, but my warm-up felt great, and things grooved, and BB deadlifts went well (2" platforms). Not great on TGUs, though; again having some odd tightness in front of left upper arm that makes overhead mobility unstable. Logged my "new usual" of 4 sets of flexed arm hangs, minute rest between; held for 20 seconds again - still tough, but not quite as impossible feeling as on Tuesday. Probably 1-2 more of those and I can bump it up again. Hopefully. I'd really like to get to 2:00 for the TSC.

Fun & Play: NSS day, busy and productive and fun. A group photo outside, with Santa hats & silliness. A brain turned 'round thanks to my tribe just being my tribe. Fancy new phone!

Wednesday, December 2

Nutrition:
  • 2 Larabars
  • bag olive oil potato chips
  • grilled cheeze
Sleep: dunno, have no data since phone upgraded. I do know that I was woken at 4a by the dogs YET AGAIN.

Healthy Movement: Core feels decent and weather is gorgeous, but sticking to no running. I would like a sunny weekend outing, so I'm not risking a run in the dark tonight that might prevent it. Body felt really good while getting into awkward squats, decorating the work Xmas tree, just fluid & smooth. No squat soreness! Was supposed to go home and do swings & snatches, but I was just plain tired as shit.

Fun & Play: NSS day. Final dose of Xmas decorating. Much productivity. Hubs time. Silly, silly pets.

Temperance: Shockingly draining day, felt long as hell since I ended it on a frustrating work task followed by a frustrating personal task. Have a request from a TS peep for help on an inherited task that made me feel badly, because Fuck That Place...but not Fuck That Guy. I like that guy, but my gut reaction is to remind TS that "everyone is replaceable," so hey, why do they need me? Or, without cash in my hand, why in the hell should I help? But that reaction left me feeling shitty, because that is not who I am. I am a helper. But clearly I am far more bitter than I realized, and that made me feel rotten.

Tuesday, December 1

Nutrition: Again feeling pretty hungry today; bought an overpriced banana at the coffee shop at 430p because I couldn't fathom waiting another 1.5 hours for food.

  • 2 larabars


Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 915p-515a, 80% quality. Solid until 4a, when Hank began prancing. Hubs let him out, thankfully.

Healthy Movement: Body feeling great. Squats felt fantastic in session, pulls were lame, bench was decent. Pulls afterward were better than last week felt, and I even logged flexed arm hang time, using my plan. Some tightness in core, both sides, so I won't run tomorrow. Swings & snatches it shall be!

Fun & Play: NSS day. Lots of fun there, from session to Xmas decorating to GP hug. Coffee with BK while my oil got changed. Hubs time. FB silliness. Hank time.

Monday, November 30

Nutrition: HUNGRY today. Ate all my snacks and was out of food mid-afternoon before my run, so I was hungry that whole time, too. Guess how delightful I was when I finally got home!
  • Larabars: 2

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 930p-5a, 85% quality. Hanky began dancing at 430a, like a jackass.

Healthy Movement: Body feels good, but do have a weird tightness in right upper arm. Come on! Run went well, fast & easy, and so playful in the quiet, snowy beauty. Shivering miserable mess by the time I got home, and joints were already feeling poorly that quickly. I made sure to eat my salad, despite wanting a hot grilled cheeze, knowing the nutrition of those veggies is likely to prevent continuing to feel junky tomorrow. I'm getting wiser in my ripe old age.

Fun & Play: Hubs time in the morning! Productivity at DBB. Some FB silliness. Chitchat with my running besties, and then actually running with all of them in the wintery beauty! Hearing good great news for two of them. A fast-for-me run. Hankypank silliness and Clyde cuddles.

Sunday, November 29

Nutrition: Steadily hungry today. A result of holiday overeating, or a result of much lifting and not enough sleeping? Or all of the above?
  • Trav's breakfast 
  • Bag olive oil potato chips
  • pint AZ

Sleep: 5.75 hours in bed, 1230a-615a, 56% quality. Was solid, quality is low because quantity is a giant WTF.

Healthy Movement: Body still feeling good. Warm-up for workout felt pretty good, and most things were good, though nothing super stellar. Core is mostly good; left knee is practically nil.

Fun & Play: Able to load the mini-fridge into back of pickup all by myself, NO ISSUES. Fuck yeah, being strong is the bessst! Breakfast with my BB & GP. Lifting w/ Hankypank as my useless but adorable spotter. Hubs time. Mini-adventure with Hanky; had to go to NSS a second time, so I brought him along and played chase all across the turf a few times, with which he was THRILLED. Reading time. Plotting a running date in the soon-to-be snow w/ BK & HH.

Saturday, November 28

Nutrition:
  • Buncha roasted salted cashews
  • Buncha cheap bacon [wrapped around water chestnuts]

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 10p-615a, 96% quality. Solid. Low-ish energy in afternoon, lazed about on couch for most of it.

Healthy Movement: Body feels much better than yesterday. Not even any left knee pain! Felt pretty good in warm-up, but workout itself felt rather blah; one of those where everything was harder than it should've been. Later in afternoon, left shoulder was a bit bothersome. 

Fun & Play: Sleeping in. Reading (finished a book I started yesterday!). Hoppe family fun. Laziness. Schloegl family fun, much screaming laughter. Stayed up past midnight, whaaaat!

Friday, November 27

Nutrition:
  • 1 Larabar
  • Breakfast at AJ's

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 830p-515a, 87% quality. Also napped in afternoon, 2 hours, 145-345p. I was shot, and continued to be afterward.

Healthy Movement: Body feeling good, run was pretty much awesome, easy-ish - but then I felt like absolute hell the rest of the day. Tired and aching absolutely everywhere, including the right core, yipe. 

Fun & Play: Breakfast with MK. Talking with AS. Running with pals in gorgeous, crisp, sunny woods. Nap time. Reading time (hours and hours!). Silent house. 

Thursday, November 26

Nutrition:
  • 2 pieces cheezecake
  • Buuuunch of roasted salted cashews

Sleep: 9 hours in bed, 9p-6a, 97% quality.

Healthy Movement: Tight upper back from deadlifts and strict pulls, deliciously so. No other aches from the 300# deadlift! Still have left knee pain, but vague. Rest day.

Fun & Play: Sleeping in. Brain back on straight so that I volunteered at the Y's 5k, and with the hubs joining me. Seeing my runner friends. Family. Food. Cards. Silliness. Puppy dogs. My favorite holiday, yo.

Wednesday, November 25

Nutrition:
  • 1 Larabar
  • 2 pieces cheezecake
  • 2 GF English muffin

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 930p-5a, 85% quality.

Healthy Movement: Body feeling awesome, left knee even a little better over yesterday. Deadlifts felt magically light, so Dustin let me jump up to 300 motherfucking pounds, yo! BADASS. Now, time to get back to the straight bar for technique, technique, technique. Pulls still hard today, what gives? I haven't had THAT many birthday treats!

Fun & Play: NSS peeps. Leftover birthday treats. Session, with my favorites, and huge weights. Chitchat with my BB. Hubs time. Silly pets. Reading.

Stress Management: Discovered a fuck-up at work that will cost me $300, unless boss boys make an exception to their policy around this kind of fuck-up, which I neither expect nor even want. Mostly, I am upset because I feel it will disappoint them. Like when you fucked up in high school and your parents were disappointed, and that was SO MUCH WORSE than the two weeks of grounding. Ugh. 

This left me very tired and decidedly uncharitable by the end of the day, so much that I was considering not volunteering at the Y's 5k tomorrow, not wanting to see my friends, not wanting to do the very thing that refills my bucket so clearly. Went to bed hoping a night of sleep would change me.

Tuesday, November 24

Nutrition: Probably Definitely far too much birthday sugar.
  • 1 Larabar
  • 2 pieces cheezecake
  • GF English muffin
  • Qdoba
  • Pint AZ

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 845p-515a, 84% quality.

Healthy Movement: Body feeling great other than left knee. Disappointing pulls in session, but everything else was consistently good.

Fun & Play: NSS! Birthday fun! Tons of fabulous messages, lovely treats, many hugs, Amazon delivery, take-out with the hubs, chore-avoidance. Even the pets let me sleep in!

Temperance: Expanded job possibility at NSS that feels scary & overwhelming, fearing it will put me into a place of failure, doing a thing I feel that I'm not good enough to do. But if the boss boys believe in me, if they believe I can learn the things that I don't know, then shouldn't I continue to trust their thus-far-impeccable judgment? I need far more confidence, far less self-doubt.

Monday, November 23

Nutrition:
  • 2 Larabars
  • Sugared nuts on a salad (out to eat)
  • Pint AZ

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 915p-545a, 100% quality.

Healthy Movement: Feel great, no issues after Sunday lifting. Left knee pain is a bit better but still there. No one to run with, worked late, went home and did swings & snatches instead.

Fun & Play: At a client's, cleaning up a giant QB mess, yay! [Free] lunch with the parents for my birthday. Birthday treats at DBB. Hubs time, watching a movie.

Sunday, November 22

Nutrition
  • GF English muffin 
  • a LOT of cashews
  • Pint AZ

Sleep: 9 hours in bed, 830p-530a, 100% quality. That's a little optimistic, but it was pretty solid. Attempted to nap, but Hank was determined to keep it short, 1-2p.

Healthy Movement: Body feels surprisingly good after yesterday's run plus all-day butchering. Tight upper back from butchering, but lower body feels fine. Wow! Do still have the sharp left knee pain on SL moves. Lifted at NSS with Paige, and it went well. Nothing too exceptional, other than deadlifts were again all good, and I managed to do snatches without wristbands and they still felt fine. Yay!

Fun & Play: Chores knocked out early. Big Amazon order, to be delivered on my birthday: three books, two bags o' nuts, one shiny new Garmin! Lifting fun with Paige. Reading, for hours, with pets snuggled up tight. 

Saturday, November 21

Nutrition:
  • 2 Larabars
  • bag olive oil potato chips
  • GF English muffin

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 930p-5a, 84% quality. In late due to hubs, woken at 4a by dogs, dozed it out until I couldn't. Very tired by 7p.

Healthy Movement: Run felt pretty damn great on the legs, although lungs were constantly asking for walkable hills. Plenty of physical labor afterward, butchering hogs, totally drained by the time I got home.

Fun & Play: Slow-moving morning. Quick dose of hubs time. Easy run. On trails. In my second home. With most of my besties. Without pain. Adventures in hog butchering at the parents', lotsa family, thrilled pooches, hilarity with chitlins, coolers o' deliciousness, all for $67 + a day of labor. Silent house waiting for me & the exhausted pooches. Unexpected dose of hubs time.

Friday, November 20

Nutrition
2 Larabars
Pint AZ

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 915p-445a, 88% quality. I would really enjoy sleeping until my 530a alarm one of these days. 

Healthy Movement: Body feels great; some tightness in upper back only, despite 285# deadlifts!

Fun & Play: Caribou (twice). NSS day. In-service full of great information, even for me to apply to my own life. Downtime with my NSS peeps. Plotting a Sunday lifting date. Hubs time, including a movie, before he again heads off to a pumping job...one that'll keep him gone over my birthday. :(

Wednesday, November 18

Nutrition: I returned to taking cod liver oil supplements today. Had run out and decided to see if I noticed anything (not really), but eye doctor told me fish oil would be good for my eyes. Changes the viscosity of your tears, prevent build-up on the contacts. I don't like gummy contacts, or any risk to eye health, so: sold!
  • 2 Larabars
  • Pint AZ

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 9p-515a, 85% quality. Sound, woken by alarm.

Healthy Movement: Lower legs feel much better getting out of bed compared to yesterday. Still, a little all-over gunk in the system, no run tonight. I planned on working swings & snatches, but by the time I got home, I literally forgot all about it. Genius. Super smart me.

Fun & Play: Dentist. (Dentist? Fun? Yep! Mine is, anyway.) FB silliness. Gremlins movie!

Thursday, November 19

Nutrition:
  • 2 Larabars
  • Cherry pork jerky (lotta sugar)

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 845p-430a, 90% quality. Stupid-early dogs again. 

Healthy Movement: Body feeling better, left knee still a bit crank. Session was a fair showing, and after I got up to 70 total pulls for the day (all strict, BTW), I did some flexed arm hang work: GROSS.

Fun & Play: NSS. Session with MR. Fun workload. Errands knocked out. Jeans challenge partying. 

Tuesday, November 17

Nutrition:
  • 2 Larabars

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 9p-515a, 98% quality. The whole house slept in: yay!

Healthy Movement: Body is junky, hips down. Muscles just somewhat sore, but lower legs quite crank about running, and everything just feels like there is sand in my oil, y'know? Session was only so-so: pulls a touch backward, squats used every crank joint, etc. First two sets of bench felt like a new move, second two sets went much better. BK canceled on tomorrow's run, and that made me seriously think about whether I should run or not. I keep saying I want to focus on lifting this winter, yet I keep thinking I should be able to run my LCSP loop 3x a week as well...and that may be too much for this body. You can imagine how I feel about that.

Fun & Play: NSS day! Fun little projects, including a massive pull of data for Chief to use for budgeting/planning. Impressed the shit out of him with how quickly I got it. It's what I do, yo! Session, with Timmy. GP chitchat. Two annoying little errands knocked out. Hubs home. Doting pets.

Monday, November 16

Nutrition:
  • Larabars: 2

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 915p-515a, 84% quality. Some tossing/turning 4a onward, notably feeling tightness in the QLs, both sides - felt that yesterday morning as well. Happily, the alarm finally woke me, not the Hanky.

Healthy Movement: Been forgetting to mention the left foot bruise that seemed to be from deadlifts did not return last week - guess I just needed to get heavy enough! Again lower legs were quite crank first thing out of bed, even some limping to avoid a pain on front of left ankle. Better with movement, but worth watching. Feeling some other typical "long run" pains, like left knee on stairs - but I'm not even doing long runs! Gah. Over here on the bright side of aches: my glutes are a bit sore from yesterday's lifting. Hello, deadlifts and pistols...YESSS! Met HH & DQ for an LCSP-ing adventure in what I thought would be chilly, damp, yuck conditions. Not chilly, only a little damp, and NO yuck! Pure delight. Certainly my feet would disagree, as they are reacting strongly to the roots and uneven ground, but they'll adapt...right?

Fun & Play: Quiet, easy morning, with dogs that slept in. Good, long, involved project at DBB.A run in the woods with most of my besties and no pain. YESSS! Text silliness. Cute Clyde snuggles.

Sunday, November 15

Nutrition: THIRD BREAKFAST (#winning). Face is still not cleared up from a couple days ago, and then I went and added a fair dose of sugar today: I am so dumb.
  • Trav's
  • Pint AZ (Buttery Pecan = addictive)
  • Extra sugar via Honey&SB&J French toast

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 845p-530a, 96% quality. Tossing/turning 430a onward.

Healthy Movement: Body felt decent, some lower-leg aches first thing outta bed due to the running. (Le sigh.) Had a fair lifting session. Did DD's biofeedback testing on things and some were poor (like bench, which lined up precisely with how it felt, so I changed after two junky sets), while some were great (deadlift, making zero sense since the left hamstring was acting up).

Plotted out some TSC training ideas, and then got into tax season training, and I have no idea how I'm going to run. I think it will have to be on my NSS days, because I just can't see myself working 10 hours at the tax firm and still having energy to go LCSP-ing. Although I did it at TS so who knows. If my besties are out there, I guess I'll find the energy somehow; and when they're not, I think that I'll go home and swing/snatch instead.

Fun & Play: Slow morning. Hubs pretty much back to normal (though I'm wary). Deadlifting. Lunch w/ Holea. Fetch & a chore out in the sunshine, followed by reading and soaking it UP for probably the very last time in like 6 months: le sigh. Caught up on training documentation and realized I need less tracking than I used to need...letting go (somewhat) of the need to define myself by my accomplishments.

Saturday, November 14

Nutrition:
  • pint AZ

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 845p-530a, 86% quality. Dogs out at 430a, went back to bed, dozed. Alarm was set for ROUS outing. Attempted a nap at noon, gave up at 1p.

Healthy Movement: Got up feeling surprisingly good, thought I'd be flooded with stress after-effects. 6-mile run went really well, quite fast for a chick who was used to trail speeds before the injury downtime. Didn't go over my allowed miles, especially after Wednesday left some lingering tightness. Careful, careful, careful. Took a wondertastic stroll at LCSP with my BB & the pooches in the sunny afternoon, soaking up this final dose of fall.

Fun & Play: CaROUSing with DQ. Hubs time. Abundant sunshine. GP and BB and LCSP. Watching WW with hubs. (So many acronyms!)

Friday, November 13

Nutrition:
  • 2 Larabars
  • bag olive oil potato chips

Acne: Bad. Not sure why.

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 830p-515a, 93% quality. Dogs up at 3a to go outside. WHY??

Healthy Movement: Rest day. Body feeling good, though I hit a wall about 230p: partly stress, partly brain drain.

Fun & Play: NSS day, always delightful. Fetch in the sunshine. Hubs time.

Stress Management: Husbandly freakout, like legitimately concerned/worried for his mental well-being. He has to quit his job, it's fucking him up and I want my husband back.

Thursday, November 12

Nutrition:
  • 2 Larabars 

Sleep: 9 hours in bed, 830p-530a, 98% quality. HA! Hubs & I both went to bed raw-tired, the kind where you have no energy to be kind or polite to anyone, and in fact the entire world can go fuck itself. Not because we were fighting or something, we were both just that tired. I tried the double-dose theory on the dogs, giving them twice their normal supper in the hopes they'd sleep in. HA! Hank was up at 3:30! Motherfucker! I let them both out, hit bathroom, water, half a Larabar, and let Lexi in. At that point, I would've been grateful if Hank ran away, so I went back to bed rather than wait, thinking I'd have time to fall back asleep before 5:30, for once. Hubs heard Hank scratching and let him in (I had fallen back asleep), and he was immediately whining again. WHY YOU ASSHOLE? Cats were then in/out, scratching the bed, kneading the blanket, etc, and I wanted to cry. I got up feeling like I had tried to sleep on the hard ground in 40F, like FUCK LIFE. UGH that's not how I like to start my day, with a paragraph-long sleep saga. Shitty.

Healthy Movement: Body felt some fatigue but session went great, was super dee duper fun with much silliness from both Dustin & Jeremy. I'm hoping I can deadlift 300 (trapbar, from blocks, blah blah blah, but STILL) before we move to the straight bar. Changed to strict pulls from the rings, and my elbows were a bit crank by the afternoon's end. Well, shit, that sucks.

Fun & Play: NSS. A decision on the software project that puts me back at the start but at least I can stop spinning my wheels with one that was full of tiny concessions that I desperately wanted to make work...but can't. Marketing task fun. Team photo silliness. GP & BB. Hubs chitchat with the old [rested] him that I like best. FB silliness. Clyde snuggles.

Wednesday, November 11

Nutrition:
  • Larabars:2
  • rice noodles

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 915p-445a, 94% quality. Dogs be jerkfaces. Fed them double this morning and this evening, will see if that makes a difference. PLEASE, something has to.

Healthy Movement: Tired. Sat most of the day at DBB. Ran with [most of] my besties and it was lovely. Few brief moments of core concern, but it always went away. Very hard to avoid the leftward slant, particularly at dusk, as everyone is getting off work. Want my trails back from the hunters, please!

Fun & Play: BK chitchat. DBB silliness. Running with some of my favoritest peeps. Silent house and the energy to smash a few chores.

Tuesday, November 10

Nutrition:
  • 2 Larabars
  • Emergen-C
  • Bag olive oil potato chips

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 830p-5a, 96% quality. Fine, but up at 430a onward. Seriously, my dog is just an asshole. Hubs got up and let them out, and then left, yet Hank pranced and whined just the same, needing me to get up (And do what? WTF do you need at 430am?!).

Healthy Movement: Once again, body felt great in warm-up, smooth machine, although session was only okay. Wait, I'm a dick: I had a total-rep PR in NG pulls, solid showing in heavy squats, but bench was disappointing. Damn that technical bench! Doesn't she know how I love & adore her? Why she always gotta play hard to get??

Fun & Play: At NSS with much progress made on a [very draining] project. Hugs & high fives from my hero GP. HH and CP chitchats; one plotting a run, the other feeling the same sadness regarding a pal, which made me feel like I'm not overreacting. Silent house. FB silliness. 

Monday, November 9

Nutrition:
  • 2 Larabars
Sleep: 9 hours in bed, 830p-530a, 83% quality. Dogs up & active & noisy at 430a, and I wanted to throttle them. Got up after 10 minutes and let them out, then went back to bed, thinking I might be able to fall back, but Clyde prevented that. I at least stretched flat and rested, trying to catch up from the weekend. Also I had made the mattress harder, and I think I like it, though I'll need to get a full, proper, not-interrupted-by-asshole-dogs night or two before deciding.

Healthy Movement: Body feels pretty good, though tired. Sad to have missed a lifting workout yesterday, but want to get back to my 3/week runs, and also not impact tomorrow's lifting. I was damned tired by 3pm, and not interested in running, but I forced myself out and got a whopping two miles. Hey, it's more than zero.

Fun & Play: Fun little project at DBB. FB silliness. Dad's bookwork. Gorgeous, warm evening. Hubs time. 

Temperance: Man, I just really wanna run with my friends. I miss them, I miss the woods, I miss the talk therapy, I miss the miles-deep trail love. 

Sunday, November 8

Nutrition:
  • 2 Larabars
  • some chili pistachios

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 1030p-7a, 96% quality. Super hard bed, thought it would be awful, but I slept much better than expected, considering adjusting my own fancy mattress up a lot to see if it's better. Managed to sleep in, and it was lovely.

Healthy Movement: Visiting all day, long drive home, no time for lifting. Did log a nice little walk in the sunshine, at least. 4 hours sitting in car again, super ugh.

Fun & Play: Sleeping in. Amy time, Maya time. Walking in the woods. Small-town WI meat locker shopping. Podcasting hilarity. Thrilled pets at my miraculous return home.

Temperance: So very hard to leave Amy, after the chitchat that cemented in just how much I love her and miss her. I so wish all my beloveds were still close by. Thinking a camping trip next summer should be in the close vicinity of the Subrt family's homestead. Fall trail racing season officially over: sad times. Last year ended on such an amazing high, full of BK's successes & so many wonderful new friendships & inside jokes & fun race memories. This year feels like it ended too abruptly (I should've stuck around Icebox to help clean-up, absorb just a little more of the atmosphere), after hearing disappointing stories of  some of my fave trail people acting like bullies, after so little time with BK in the past 6-ish months, compounded by the past couple months of desperately missing all of my TROUSers...painful. Wistful. A tough drive home, absorbing all the changes I wish weren't happening, and wishing for a magic wand.

Stress Management: Hubs still working basically 24/7, missing him, worrying about him.

Saturday, November 7

Nutrition:
  • 2 Larabars
  • Emergen-C

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 845p-430a, 72% quality. Took ages to fall asleep, and woke at 2a, 330a, 430a. UGH.

Healthy Movement: Lovely run, no pain, but a rather slow pace that felt much faster. Sitting in car driving for 4 hours = ugh, but only slight tightness in core. Stood for a good 4-5 hours at Icebox.

Fun & Play: A perfectly normal, perfect run with my girl Heidi. Chitchat with rest of ROUSers. Podcast delightfulness. Iceboxy trail running beloveds. Time with Amy, Phil, and their precious girl Maya.

Friday, November 6

Nutrition:
  • 2 Larabars
  • Emergen-C
  • Trav's

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 815p-430a, 89% quality. Fucking dogs up so goddamn early again, I was at work a half hour early because of those jerkfaces.

Healthy Movement: I am loathe to admit this, but the Emergen-C actually does seem to be helping, or else there is an amazing correlation in the stopped development of the cold I felt arriving a few days ago. Legs & back are properly achey from the week's lifting, and I do have a somewhat concerning (mild) pain in my left ankle since the run, but hoping a rest day is enough. Please don't resolve my core tendonitis just in time to produce an ankle problem, body, PLEASE NO. Feeling truly excited about keeping winter running low-key and just killing it with weights, but that doesn't mean I want to stop running - I wish to maintain 15-20 easy miles per week, please. How else I see my trail peeps?

Fun & Play: Time to read and ease into the day. At work early, quite productive, and yet SO MUCH fun had. Much silliness, including playing around with single-arm pulls & the like with CJ. Lunch with Timmy, a wonderful conversation about our respective struggles, zero solutions, but support & validation, which is just as important. Silly pet antics in the eve, along with snuggles from Clyde and the cold shoulder from Oscar after I accidentally locked him in the pantry. (Poor fellow, maybe this PERFECT LIFE YOU LEAD will make up for my mistake.)

Stress Management: Quick little BK convo to assess his mental state, which is, happily: Look the fuck out, competition! Good, makes my Saturday spent standing in the cold sound better. Hubs state is less positive, but I'm doing my best to not worry about that one, because it's so massive as to overwhelm, I just have to ostrich this thing until the situation changes. So far I'm letting it remain his problem to resolve, not mine, although it certainly becomes mine if he actually quits, but in the meantime: ostrich.

Nature: I really really hate the early dark. Almost all my lights are on to keep me from noticing. Not looking forward to the cold soon behind it.

Temperance: Despite my productivity, occasional early arrivals and late departures, I still have so much to do at NSS, that I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. My to-do list only grows, it seems, and I re-prioritize constantly. This afternoon Paige asked if I ever think of working there full time, and I was like DUUUUUHHHH that's my GOAL, GIRL! I am certain that I could be full-time busy, but I don't want to risk becoming a financial burden by us pulling that trigger too early. I spent three years being patient enough to make it where I am, I can't turn impatient with this in only three months! But it's hard not to be, because it is my tribe. Even brand-new guy is already a fan favorite. The work is perfect, the people are the bestest, and how can I not want to be there every day? Is bomb dig.

Thursday, November 5

Nutrition:
  • 2 Larabars
  • Emergen-C
  • half pint AZ

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 830p-515a, 91% quality. Heard the hubs come home, but slept until the alarm, no stupidly early dog shenanigans, hooray!

Healthy Movement: Body feeling sore from squats, a bit sore from the run, but movement felt gooood. Hit my 100 ring pull-ups, PRd on trapbar deadlifts and felt SUPER strong, literally went to bed dreaming about deadlifting 300 before I get back to the straight bar.

Fun & Play: NSS day, full of productivity, and fun. Declared Dustin the Deadlift KING, PR'd in my session and also swapped high levels of smart-assery with J, played wiffleball with the NSS team (shocking news: I'm terrible at it), gave GP two "pick up & swirl" hugs and received a high-five upon her RDL PR, and just plain had so much damned fun, I seriously shouldn't get paid for this. Quiet night at home. Fetch. Recovering from the mental drains of yesterday's boys' drama.

Wednesday, November 4

Nutrition: Having "Wanna eat my fists off" hunger/cravings today. At lunch I was very seriously considering going to the grocery store to see if they have my chips because I needed wanted something to gnaw on. I stayed put, yay me! Mostly husbandly stress, but also time-change tiredness. I did get chips in the eve, but only after putting my brain back on straight, so I only ate half a bag, yay me! And only half a pint of AZ, yay me x3!
  • 2 Larabars
  • smoked almonds
  • olive oil potato chips
  • grilled cheeze
  • half pint AZ 
  • Emergen-C x2

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 9p-445a, 90% quality. Took a while to fall asleep due to monkey mind. Up early due to dogs. Tired all damned day.

Healthy Movement: Cold is a little worse, though still not too bad. Don't know whether it's just coming on this slowly, or if perhaps the body is fighting it back that effectively? Hopefully the latter. Feeling the squats immediately in the morning, but didn't get too stiff; sat all day at DBB, might have helped. Ran four miles without pain. Like basically nothing. And stretched the bad spots (both sides) immediately afterward, and it was a marked improvement even from where they were this summer before the right one went to complete hell.

Somehow I forgot to mention yesterday: the entire body felt different in my warm-up, like everything was moving more easily, grooves were greased and smooth, WD40 had filled my joints; apparently I've been a little jacked-up all over (also: jacked all over, tee hee!) without fully realizing it. The improvement felt amazing. Healthy. Strong. Lovely.

Fun & Play: Chitchat with BK, Friday lunch plans made with LT, lazy "sittin' down day" at DBB. FB silliness. Running without pain on a gloriously warm November eve. BK letting me in, despite my worried expectation that he would shut me out. Silly pooches, bossy Oscar, and cuddles with Clyde.

Stress Management: Hubs who says he's quitting his job. Today. Now. No notice. WTF? This shit is not okay. I convinced him he needs to give a two-week notice and find a new job in the meantime, not allowed to be a loser who walks off jobs and burns bridges like that, but it pissed me off, like completely ruined my day. I wanted to simultaneously smash him to bits, eat my weight in potato chips, disappear down a deer path at LCSP, and curl up in bed with a blanket over my head. So frustrating, especially when it came just as I finally dug myself out of a deep hole of self-pity and started to feel good physically for the first time in so long. 

Oh, AND THEN one of the two people I turned to for help today (BK) received really shitty news. So then he also hit a major low today, and I tried to talk him off the ledge. (After doing the same with the hubs. Why my men so needy today? I can't carry them! I'm barely strong enough to carry me!) I gave him the option to cancel our run, but he kept it, which surprised me. In person, he was doing a little better than I expected. I delivered equal doses of hugs & swears. I tried to measure out some positivity, but it was hard to find much to say, because I don't feed him bullshit. A chickadee would've received so much Pollyanna positivity, but boys be different, and this one especially so. I gave him full support, though, and I suppose that's the best I could do.

Now I shall continue to worry about both of these boys and their tender hearts and heavy burdens, and yet I must not try to carry their burdens for them. My job is to give love and support, help encourage them in their own strength. I hope I can remember this.

Tuesday, November 3

Nutrition:
  • 2 Larabars
  • Carrot muffin (sugary)
  • Emergen-C
  • rice noodles

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 815p-5a, 74% quality. To bed nice & early, but wide awake at 4a hearing noisy dogs. Hubs let them out, but they didn't NEED out, so this only prolongs the time adaptation; plus, I had to get up to let them back in. Ugh, damned time change.
 
Healthy Movement: Getting a cold and drinking Emergen-C even though I doubt it does anything. James put me on hold, gave clearance to keep progressing runs in my baby steps, thinks I'm basically healed but need to keep up the stretching and massaging (that...uhhh...I haven't even great at lately). Major difference in the tendon when he massaged it, basically didn't feel like anything was wrong. Hooray!!! Session
 had a pull-up PR, but that long-coveted #17 was ugly & debatable, so I don't feel like celebrating it. Squats went great but I could feel a bit of left hamstring on last few reps, and then it was tight mid-afternoon onward. Rest of body was okay.

Fun & Play: NSS: I love it so very much. It makes me so happy to be there. Every day, please! Super productive today, even worked late because I just wanted to Get Shit Done. Chitchat with GP & my BB, SM, BK, LT, all my beloveds. Good stuff. Quiet night at home. FB silliness.

Monday, November 2

Nutrition:
  • Larabars: 2

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 9p-515a, 85% quality. Dogs noisy, but mostly I woke naturally about 430a. Damn time change. Pretty tired later in the day, feeling like nearly shower time at only 630p. Damn time change.

Healthy Movement: Some tightness in back from yesterday's workout, but not a concerning level. Rest day today; figure I had 4 full rest (from running) days between the successful 2- & 3-mile runs, so now let's do 3 days (so, Wednesday), then 2 days (Saturday), then HOPEFULLY back to my normal M/W/St schedule by next week if all goes well, and I can then step up the distance a little. Fingers all crossed. I could've done something when I got home, jump rope or whatevs, but the brain was so fried from work that I wanted nothing to do with such nonsense.

Fun & Play: Early start meant a slow start, which is my favorite. Hubs in the AM. Productivity at DBB, but it was mind-numbing data entry that basically made me want to curl in a ball, but it was better than sheer boredom. I plowed through my 8 hours, and then GTFO to catch a little sunlight and play fetch with my happy pooches.

Sunday, November 1

Nutrition:
  • 2 Larabars
  • pint AZ

Sleep: 11.25 (!!) hours in bed, 845p-7a (new time), 92% quality. I had the bed set too hard, so sleep was actually crappy, and the dogs needed out at 4a old time / 3a new time, plus I was strangely feeling h/s/g - so I hit the bathroom, drank a bunch of water, ate a Larabar, and was able to fall back asleep for another 4 hours! Got up feeling like a champion, yet a little on the dumb side: I reset the stove & microwave clocks for a minute earlier, not an hour...ha!!

Healthy Movement: Some tightness in the core after yesterday's run, but still tons better than the after-effects a couple weeks ago. As decided yesterday, I took today's lifting in a whole different direction, playing around with things to see just how far I would need to go for the IMC. It's pretty far, but since it's such a tough challenge, it feels appropriate to have a long way to go, thus it's not disappointing to be where I am. I like the idea of sticking with this on Sundays, think it will be good for the brain to have a change. Happy, happy discovery: the left hamstring feels fine, if a bit weak. I did all fashion of deadlifts (light, but still) without pain or weird feelings up in there. Hooraaaaaaay!

Fun & Play: Sleeping in. Bills paid (and how easily, thanks to hubs' giant checks right now). Sunggly Clyde. Sunshine. Solid workout. Holea canceled on me (sick) which meant no need to leave home, woo hoo! Ample time for chores and reading and coloring. Fetch. Hubs home for much of the day before another jaunt down south.

Temperance: My first full weekend at home in a month was really really good for me. I am glad I managed to go to everything I did in October, because it was great fun - but, oof, it was rough not having the weekends to recharge, especially while stressed about the injury and missing my friends. Must not let myself get so over-scheduled. 

Saturday, October 31

Nutrition:
  • 1 Larabar
  • Jan's Place
  • Doolittle's

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 845p-5a, 92% quality. Solid, but needed alarm to get up early.

Healthy Movement: Got up feeling good, and the run went awesome. First of all, the entire group looped back to "pick me up" halfway through - aww. It just plain felt good, although a bit fast, and I needed to run directly down the middle of the road to avoid a leftward slant. As we approached the turn that would make it 2 even miles, I made the call to extend it a bit, and I landed back at 3 miles with ZERO PAIN. I stretched best I could in the parking lot afterward, and again at NSS, but it did tighten up a wee bit later on, yet I only ever really felt it with a really jaunty hip, while wrestling my mattress to the garage. OH YEAH, another reason to be a strong-ass woman: so you can dismantle and relocate your king-sized bed all by yourself, no male help required. Fuck yeah!

Fun & Play: CaROUSing with my besties on a crisp, comfortable morning. Breakfast with the same group, packed to the gills with laughter. Then off to NSS to help out with the TSC, which made me uber-jealous, and wishing I had been able to participate (stupid injuries), and determined to do it next year, along with Paige. (And Dawn, I suspect.) It was awesome to watch the badassery, especially my beloved Chief, who claims to be "okay at everything but good at nothing" yet I'm pretty sure that he will land in the top 10, possibly even top 5, of this worldwide competition. Too damn cool! Had fun chitchatting with Shannon M, a wee badass about whom, every time I talk with her, I think "Why don't we hang out, like, all the time?" and yet we never do. We must. She is the same age, is afflicted with the same lifting addiction, has KBs and a power rack at her place, etc - by all rights, she belongs in my tribe! At home I knocked out a few chores in order to prepare the place for my NEW BED, the parents' cast-off Sleep Number bed (they made a serious upgrade), and it was GD gratifying to find I could move the old bed by my own badass self. Took the parents out for supper at my favorite place to pay for it, in a very small way. Enjoyed the heck out of all the costumed kids on FB, love seeing such cuteness without having to deal with my own doorbell ringing.

Temperance: Marveling at feeling the desire to compete again, for the first time in over a year. First Wild Duluth had me wanting another crack at the 50k, and now the TSC has me wanting to do that next fall, too. (Um, now that I write that, if the timing is the same, this might be a bit challenging to pull off.) I also have this strange urge to see if I can do the Iron Maiden Challenge. Best I can tell, it's actually only for SFG certified instructors, and I guess I don't care about that - but just to be able to do it, that would be pretty fucking badass, and that's the kind of thing I'm up for. Toying with the idea of programming myself for that on Sundays, to add me some variety, rather than just a full-on powerlifting mindset. I adore the powerlifts most, and I mean deeply & truly I love them, and honestly don't really desire to do anything but - yet I suspect my body requires more variety to prevent injuries. Working toward something concrete like this, which is a highly respected measure of holy-shit strength, might be a way to get my brain enjoying something other than squat, bench, & deads, brah. Will perhaps try it for tomorrow's workout and see what I think.

Friday, October 30

Nutrition:
  • 2 Larabars

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 915p-530a, 73% quality. Dogs dancing at 4a, WTF!

Healthy Movement: Slight all-over soreness from yesterday, but overall pretty solid. Ready to run tomorrow.

Fun & Play: NSS day, with much progress and productivity, plus a dose of errand-running which was a fun change. It's a pretty nice feeling to hit 4p on Friday and think, "But I don't want to leave yet!" because just I'm SO INTO my workload, and despite the fact that I'm coming back to work in the morning at the TSC event. Happiness. Quiet night at home.

Thursday, October 29

Nutrition:
  • 2 Larabars
  • pulled pork salad from Qdoba (deeeelicious!)
  • Trav's supper

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 9p-515a, 89% quality. Dogs keep getting up early again.

Healthy Movement: Core feeling quite good - told Dustin I could try TGUs in session, but he skipped them. Left hamstring felt the best it's been since I tweaked it; I always gauge my progress by how it feels in Greatest Stretch, and there was NOTHING THERE. EEE! Then, pull-ups and deadlifts all kicked major ass. Great day!

Fun & Play: Much fun work at NSS. Liking the new guy. Loving my first-ever Qdoba meal: easily customized to things I could eat, and perfectly delicious. Fantabulous session with my smartass pal J, who also killed All The Deadlifts. Donated blood in Osakis; last time I was at OCC was to vote, and the woman at the door knew who I was & where I lived (I couldn't even remember her name) - this time, I walked in right behind my second cousin Stan. Love it! Supped with BK at Trav's before a good haircut. Hubs home again!

Supper with Brian was awesome. Feels like I haven't seen him in forever (Norseman, I think, thus almost 6 weeks ago), nor talked to him since he bailed on me (twice) three weeks ago - that has been very hard, given I used to talk to him near-daily when I was at TS, and before Kate took all his spare time. Plus, I've been missing him while not-running, making it twice as awful. But it was just like old times, as I made a conscious choice not to bring up the shittiness. It was great, just chitchat & catching up & running talk & much laughter. I love that boy like he's my brother, and I can't explain why, I just do. As we parted, I told him that it was really good to see him, and he said, "I know, I'm sorry" and I immediately told him I forgive him. Because I do, of course: I cannot hold grudges with my beloveds. I wish to always to assume the best of them, and believe in them, and love them, no matter what temporary crappiness they/we might go through.

Most of all, though, I feel so much relief. I was FLOODED with relief as I drove to my haircut, physically near tears, and then I fully realized just how worried I had been about him, that he was perhaps depressed and stuck alone and here I was, being a shitty, put-upon friend who assumed he would ask me for help if he needed it.

I've been listening to the Break the Stigma podcasts, and it's hitting me more and more that if he was depressed, no matter how many times I've been there for him and told him I always will be - odds are about 99.9% that he wouldn't have believed that, and wouldn't have reached out. I'm 20 minutes into a podcast that's two mothers discussing their sons who died of suicide (I can only take it in like 10- minute chunks, because it's the saddest thing ever), and it's being reinforced so clearly that depressed people do not ask for help. They don't believe they can, that anyone cares, that anyone would bother to help them, because they are worthless. It's pretty much always 100% wrong, but it's what they believe. It's so sad.

And so, honestly, I feel awful that I didn't keep trying to reach out to BK. He's fine, thankfully, but what if he wasn't, and I sat here feeling like he was being shitty, while he sat there, being depressed and thinking terrible things, and believing them? As I'm feeling relief that wasn't the case, I'm vowing to be more of a Melissa Bump, spreading love and hugs and telling all of my people, over and over, that they are wonderful and I love them. How can that ever be wrong?

Right?

Wednesday, October 28

Nutrition:
  • Larabars: 2
  • smoked almonds de awesomeness

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 845p-530a, 87% quality. Would've been amazing sleep, except the pets were noisy at 430a, to the point that I was just outright yelling & swearing at them. Jerkfaces.

Healthy Movement: Core is same-ish. Feeling squats immediately in the morning: yikes.

Fun & Play: Visited a client for QB fixes, a lovely, kind, fun couple of folks. As I left, the boss lady told me to "Stay young and beautiful!" Aw, I love doing this. Got a bit bored at tax firm, though, doing some easy stuff and then coming up empty on tasks. They are so busy here, but I keep running out of things to do, dang it! Hubs home!

Tuesday, October 27

Nutrition:
  • 2 Larabars
  • rice noodles
  • pint AZ

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 9p-515a, 93% quality.

Healthy Movement: Upper back much better, but still a bit tight. Core not worse than yesterday despite the run, hooray for progress! James was visibly relieved at some real progress for once. Session felt excellent; pulls didn't go up, but quality did - I am now reaching 11 pulls with super strict dead legs. Pretty awesome!

Fun & Play: NSS day. Dustin meeting and much progress. James. New guy! Paige back! Good session, and with Timmy. Ran into the Burss family at the mall, very nice to chat with them. Quiet time at home. Reading.

Monday, October 26

Nutrition:
  • 2 Larabars
  • rice noodles

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 9p-530a, 90% quality. Woke at 430a, delighted to have more time to sleep, but the alarm woke me from being out cold at 530a. Ugh, how on earth can 8.5 hours not feel like enough?

Healthy Movement: Woke up with a screaming-tight upper-right back. WTF is that about? It's bad, like I slept on it weird for hours, or like I've never ever done 35 pull-ups before, which is of course ludicrous. Frustrating. Core seems pretty okay, but if I give it a good jaunty-hip stretch, it reminds me that it isn't okay after all. Logged two miles on the bike trail, and it went okay. Not awesome, but better than the three milers have been going.

Fun & Play: DBB productivity. Printing 2016 calendars for my planner, and daydreaming about monthly camping weekends up north with Hop & the pooches. (Can it happen??) Left work early to run in gloriously cool fall weather. Chores knocked out.

Stress Management: I'm reading the book Fat Loss Happens on Monday, because the author is coming to NSS for an in-service in November (cool, eh?). Last night it was a section about the importance of keeping a food journal, what an immense impact that has on fat loss without any other effort besides that alone, and it brought up so much emotion, so much anger at how long I did that, with little to no results besides weight gain, binges, constant frustration, and massive disappointment. Why the fuck does it make "all the difference" to some people, but zero difference (or worse) for me? Not fair.

And yet, since I don't care about fat loss, why do I care? Well, because the book is written as though I (the reader) desire to lose fat (why else would I be reading the book?)...and so I find myself...desiring to lose fat.

It's like the book is insinuating I SHOULD want to lose fat and be "lean & hot & awesome" and it's pissing me off (can't I be hot & awesome without being lean?), but it's also acting as some insidious trigger, making me think...well, maybe I am too fat (too fat for what?) and maybe I SHOULD be thinner (why? for who?). Maybe this weekend of over-eating and under-exercising is the old lazy me resurfacing, and not actually the "new me" who refuses to obsess over this fucking nonsense ever again.

Because I'm finding myself so easily swayed into thinking about this, but not able to stay objective & unemotional, I'm worried. I'm worried this is going to trigger disordered eating again. I'm not sure I should keep reading it. But how else do I work through the mental bullshit and throw off the baggage of those years? Do I just keep believing that I'm okay now? Is it dumb to read this, or is this exactly what I need to do, to face it and realize that I'm over it, and I'm okay?

AM I okay?

I don't know.

Sunday, October 25

Nutrition: I've definitely been overeating this weekend, and I feel physically rotten: lethargic and bleah. Today I made breakfast sausage, started 24-hour ribs in the slow cooker, and I'll be fetching groceries tomorrow night for my salads. Anxious to stop feeling so sluggish. 
  • GF English muffin
  • bag of chips

Sleep: 10.25 hours in bed, 9p-715a, 84% quality. Let out dogs at 415a (WTF?!) and went back to bed. Woke to Hop's alarm, might've been able to sleep longer - really dragging after yesterday. Napped 1145a-130p.

Healthy Movement: Very low energy. Core almost normal unless I sit for a long time. Had both lifting & a 3-mile run on today's plan, and even got as far as plotting a lifting workout, but realized I basically felt like hell, and a nap sounded light-years better, so I did that instead. Decided to run Monday after work, skip Wednesday, and then run again Saturday morning with ROUS for a costumed breakfast run (hopefully). That is, if it lets me. I am really rather concerned about the difficulty of getting this thing improved. Managed some sets of pulls during/after supper. 

Fun & Play: Sleeping in. Chores done. Napping. Not leaving the house. Sleepy Clyde in my lap. Devoted Hanky at my feet. Fetch. New books. 

Saturday, October 24

Nutrition:
  • 2 Larabars
  • GF English muffin


Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 9p-515a, 83% quality. Had a h/s/g wake-up at 230a, probably due to a bag of chips as supper. Motel room was awesome, bed was not so much. Also forgot to pack my phone charger, but used sleep app for an alarm, and thus was paranoid the battery would die and I would wake up 2 hours late - also making sleep crappy.

Healthy Movement: Stood for 12 straight hours in new winter boots: not the most comfortable way to break them in, but it was chilly & muddy, and they were perfectly dry & warm. Drive home wasn't awful, but once I got there, the body certainly felt a bit trashed.

Fun & Play: Surf the Murph fun! Set up an aid station in the dark; drank hot coffee while directing runners and offering cheers & compliments & silliness, and chatting with a new runner pal; reconnected a bit with Matt and officially met Bob, pal of my Superior savior John; pet so many dogs, including a 9.5-week-old chocolate lab named Porter; chitchatted with Heidi while she took pictures & I shirked my real duties, instead keeping up the cheers & silliness. At noon I moved on to another aid station, full of chitchat with UMTR peeps, silliness like labeling the Grape Crush as Purple Drank, and experimenting with burning junk food in the fire. I was admonished for getting a hotel room the night before when Doug & Maria "live like 8 minutes away, and have two empty rooms, and just call us next time!" I love talking to Kevin, who is 17 but acts 27 and talks 77; it's just a delight to see a teen surrounding himself with adults who treat him as an equal, and I had a nice convo with him about BK. I was offhandedly introduced to Wilson (an amazing runner I watched kill some miles last year at Icebox) on his way out, but he stopped and held a nice conversation rather than getting on his way like I expected. I laughed my ass off at Todd & Wendy's antics, so very much smartassery flying at this AS. The race winds down and runners get really slim late in the day, so the runners who do finally come through, on the last lap of fifty motherfucking miles, receive the fanfare of a Superbowl touchdown. Just such a lovely, fun group, that although they began encouraging me to head home at 5p, and I wanted to get going, I just didn't want to leave them. I stayed until 6, my official end time, and 12 hours logged. Sped home in just over 2 hours, to a HUBS, home for the night only. Thrilled pooches & kittehs that I was already back. My own bed.

Friday, October 23

Nutrition:
2 Larabars

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a, 88% quality. Dogs keep getting me up early, WTF?

Healthy Movement: Core still very tight, with slight improvements over yesterday. Sitting in a car for 2.5 hours didn't feel great, though.

Fun & Play: NSS day, with much productivity on a fun marketing project, putting myself & the new guy on the website, and a short talk with Dustin about a minor operational decision that just made me feel like an equal, valued partner (aw). Another weekend excursion to volunteer.

Thursday, October 22

Nutrition:
  • 2 Larabars

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 9p-515a, 85% quality. Pretty solid, able to wake gradually.

Healthy Movement: Very angry core. Walking gingerly. No TGUs during session. Ran across the street and it hurt. Fuck all. Much massage and stretching at work, and an intense session at night.

Fun & Play: NSS, new tasks, happy bosses, happy coworkers. Seeing my BB! Getting to run errands on a perfect afternoon. Fetch on a gorgeous eve. Snuggles from Clyde while I finished a fantastic book. Retail therapy delivery.

Wednesday, October 21

Nutrition:
  • Larabars: 2
  • rice crackers

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 9p-515a, 92% quality. Slept like an angel until about 4a, then happily snuggled back in, but then the critters got restless: gah.

Healthy Movement: Core is about the same as yesterday morning: tight. Not liking stairs.Went LCSPing anyway, see whether this thing is really getting any better: it's really not. I then went ahead and read some terrible stuff about tendinosis that makes me worry I may need to spend the entire winter not-running. I'm surprisingly okay with that, because it means more time for lifting. But...that's my social time with friends, dang it.

Fun & Play: Coffee. My taxy bosses = bomb dig. Fetch on another gorgeous evening. Time to read after knocking out like one chore. A super addictive book!