Thursday, November 6

Gratitude: Dustin. The man has learned, over five years of dealing with me, how to make me happy. But honestly, I'm not complicated: give me the right set-up to feel strong & beastly despite the mental stress, and I'll worship at your giant feet. He is a font of knowledge, and my therapist, and my employer, and my friend, and he's given me so many new friends in all the peeps at NSS, both trainers & clients. Forever grateful to him and for him. He has changed my life, in every way.

Nutrition: Want. All. The. Coffees. Except I'm sticking to my 60oz per day, yes I am. Challenging this week.
  • 5a-eggs, chicken sausage, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 645-Larabar, coffee w/ CM
  • 10-summer sausage, rice crackers, decaf w/ CM
  • 1115-Larabar
  • (12p-Dustin session)
  • 130-tuna w mustard, rice crackers, apple
  • 415-Larabar
  • (545-7m run)
  • 745-chicken w/ BBQ sauce, SB&J toast
  • calories 2475: p 800, c 1100, f 575
Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 9p-445a, 80% quality. Was out solid, no twitching, until 3a, then dreamt that all the VPs had to start coming to my strength-training class. Wishful thinking, perhaps, that I could punish them all a bit with burpees?

Healthy Movement: Still felt some of the ghost aches & pains (by which I mean prior old injuries acting as if they are fresh problems; like taper madness, but purely mental stress), but they were all milder than yesterday. Session went well, especially so given my brain state. Once again I had to remind myself very firmly to enjoy where I was, and I absolutely enjoyed it once I focused. And Dustin was very helpful in giving me exactly what I needed. Had a fabulously enjoyable run with Heidi in the dark, lovely to catch up with her and talk some girl-talk and have us a trail hug. I need lots of this in my life!

Fun & Play: Start-of-day silliness on FB: much cussing, much relief. Bonus chat with Buddy and another coworker on perspective. BK chat on running. Session was exactly what I needed. Sunshine in the afternoon. Running dates.

Stress Management: Much chatting with fellow coworkers on perspective today. We sell bread and cake. This is not a hospital. On my team, we enter and finalize and analyze numbers, and these numbers neither save lives nor cause deaths. The deadlines we face are our own, and we can adjust them when circumstances change to make them unreasonable.

I can only do what I can do.

And the like.

I have decided that I am sticking to my proper work schedule of Friday afternoon off, close week or not, fresh additional duties or not, and I don't fucking care what it looks like to everyone else. What it should look like, what I want them to see, what I will point out & repeat & reinforce to them at every turn, is that their own flexible schedules are benefits that I value them keeping, because I know it keeps them happy. If I protect mine, they will protect theirs, and we can all avoid burnout. If they push themselves because I have shown them it's expected, then at some point they'll burn out, and they'll leave me, and I'll be much much worse off than "a little behind" on deadlines. So trading my sanity for a deadline benefits none of us, not short-term, not long-term. To commit myself, I made a Friday afternoon running date that I absolutely will not cancel.

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