Sunday, November 2

Gratitude: I am so very grateful for this house. The silent peaceful location, the lovely view, the yard full of sunshine, the wildlife strolling through the tree line, the space for two sweet cats AND two silly dogs, the garage full of husband-happy space, the basement full of Sabrina-happy space...all of it is about as perfect as we can get.

Nutrition: With the update on my iPad, it wants to capitalize "apple" every time I type it. And it's Honeycrisp season, so it's annoying me quite regularly. Talk about narcissistic!
430a-eggs, chicken sausage, toast, coffee w CM
8-apple, SB&J toast w CB
12-eggs, chicken sausage, toast, SB&J toast, coffee w CM
(3-5.5m run)
530-squash & onions topped with marinara, toast, apple, half pint AZ
Calories 2100: P 575, C 875, F 650

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 930p-515a (old time), 89% quality. Little choppy, but I was out solid when Hank woke me. At least he had the decency to convert to the new time. I tried napping 10a-12p, didn't feel like it was more than in/out dozing, but it was restful anyway. At some point I was dreaming about doing a muscle-up, and it was glorious!

Healthy Movement: Body feeling surprisingly good after yesterday's long run. Left outer shin is a little tender. Kept calf sleeves on all day today, too. I debated running since I'd be solo, but when I realized I wouldn't have sunny trails for a week or more, my mind was made up! It was a bit melancholy until I got my head together and soaked up the autumnal bliss. Right Achilles fine during, tight after. Shin did not react. It actually felt rather effortless after the second mile or so. Happy joy love!

Fun & Play: Abundant sunshine. Many chores accomplished, and done so early in the day. Fetch in the warm fall sun. Napping pets. Chitchat with friends. Excitedly tracking NYC marathon friends. A painless, effortless run. Husband home. 

Stress Management: In the four months since the Day of Chaos at work, there have been very many ups and downs. Up because we have the right people remaining, and good decisions being made. Down because I miss the people laid off & the folks quitting on their own, I & my people are regularly buried under piles & piles & overwhelming piles of work, and some decisions do not feel good. And now another person on our team is leaving, so work plates have to be shuffled, and much is landing on mine, and much will simply not get done, unless extra hours are put in. But my team is already burned the fuck out on extra hours, including me. I am a lead who is supposed to somehow rally these troops, but I can't even rally myself. I want to go to my own lead(s) and tell them we can't do this indefinitely, we can't ask people to continue like this, and yet, what can they do about it? The work needs to be done, and we need to find a way to make it happen. Four months of work overload behind us, and untold months coming, because not only are we short on resources NOW, we are rolling into our busiest time.

During depression-inducing winter for me. During max-stress tax season for me. 

I honestly question whether I can handle the tax firm job with this latest bomb. And yet, we need those funds unless we make some tougher life changes. More importantly, I can't back out two months before their vital time kicks in, I love those folks & won't do that to them - but may be sacrificing myself in the process. Most important of all, I can't afford to burn that bridge; what if I need them to love me because I'm jobless in another year or two?

And what the fuck kind of attitude is that?! I want to, need to, believe in this company like I used to, but I'm struggling something fierce.

I tried to work from home tonight, but the software failed me. I took that as a sign to fit my work into my logical work week, and if shit doesn't/can't get done, too bad, I still can't take it home. Shouldn't. Won't.

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