Saturday, November 29

Gratitude: How have I taken so long to get to this one? My health. Although I've battled assorted injuries due to running or lifting, they aren't really injuries: they are annoyances. Other than my broken thumb, none have affected what I'm capable of in daily life. I don't get sick very often, the current head cold being a rarity in my life. I have no major medical issues. I have no chronic illness, no daily pain. I have no mobility limitations. I have almost no limitations at all, really, provided I balance my stress and recovery properly. I even have great teeth! Through most of history, my terrible eyesight would have been a massive problem, but thanks to technology, it's not an issue at all. Pop in contacts, see 20/20. I am so very, very grateful to have my good health.

Nutrition: All of the calories again today. Down with the sickness!
  • 2a-Larabar
  • 430-eggs, bacon, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • (6-6.4m run)
  • 730-eggs, bacon, coffee
  • 1030-Larabar, kombucha
  •  230p-summer sausage w/ rice crackers, apple w/ SB
  • 6-salad w/ avocado, toast, tea
  • calories 2800: p 550, c 900, f 1350

Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed, 915p-430a, 72% quality. Woke at 2a when the hubs came home, tossed & turned for an hour due to his snoring, my pained hip, and my clogged sinuses. Woken up by prancing Hanky dark & early, since the hubs had not let him out when he got home, despite my specific request to do so. The man is lucky to be alive, I tell you. Napped 12-230p. Took a while to fall asleep, but once I did, I was OUT.

Healthy Movement: Same hip soreness. Run went well, and hip didn't get worse. Sitting at NSS afterward wasn't as painful as normal. It does really hurt when I lay on my left side in certain positions, a stabby pain, and still bad when I get up. Me getting out of bed is the least-graceful thing you could ever see.

Once I got up from bed, the head cold moderated with drained sinuses, though the pressure came & went, and the sore throat never left. After my nap I was a tired slug. By 530p, it felt like 10p. I slothed in front of the TV all day, couldn't even put my brain to work reading a book.

Fun & Play: Group run. Group breakfast. Laziness catching up on TV, with critters snugged up in my lap, including Hanky the non-lap-dog who thinks that he is.

Friday, November 28

Gratitude: Happy for convenience foods I can eat. So nice not to have to make everything from scratch all the damned time. 

Nutrition: Again super hungry in the afternoon. Brain depleted. Also felt a little exhausted, rotten, getting sick, thus fueled up on pizza. 
  • 530-eggs, bacon, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 830-Larabar
  • 11-Kind Strong bar, apple
  • (12p-powerlifting)
  • 115-chicken, toast, Kind Strong bar
  • 3-coconut butter
  • 6-Daiya pizza, apple w SB
  • calories 3325: p 425, c 1900, f 1000

: 8.25 hours in bed, 9p-515a, 83% quality. In on time, slept like a rock, woke naturally. Boom. 

Healthy Movement: Hip is same. Again, no PT = no improvement, ya blathering idiot. Spent my lunch break enjoying the shit out of All The Lifts for the first time in ages. A serious amount of work crammed into an hour, rather proud of that one. Finished up by working over AS to join us on tomorrow morning's run, and texted BK to work on him. Always trying to create more runners, despite the dude being built for lifting. Which I shall also encourage him on, of course. Hip was better after the workout but I got TARRED. Exhausted by mid-afternoon, and definitely getting sick by the end of the day. Argh. 

Fun & Play: Spaced my breakfast date with HB until after I had eaten, but we changed to a Caribou date and still had a good hour of chat. Meaty chitchat with my BB. Lifting fun times. Laziness with my critters. FB chitchat with my running beasties. (Man, I love when it autocorrects "besties" to "beasties" because every time, it's still accurate!)

Stress Management: Honestly the hour with HB was a bit more stress in my day, too, not starting work until 8am is NOT okay with me. I should have known that would be the case. Barely made it to 430p, the brain was so fucking fah-RIED today. 

Thursday, November 27

Gratitude: Races. I don't really want to do them anymore, but I love being at them. I love seeing others achieve. I love helping others achieve. I could be at races every single weekend, whether volunteering or crewing, and would be so very fulfilled, without ever racing again. Full-time cheerleader, volunteer, do I get that perfect job?

Nutrition: Although this is high calories for a rest day, it sure as hell isn't high calories for Thanksgiving. Still surprises me how things have moderated themselves so naturally & effortlessly since I stopped restricting.
  • 530-eggs, Canadian bacon, toast, coffee w CM, SB&J toast
  • 930-Larabar
  • 11-SB&J toast
  • 1-salad, chicken, squash, veg, fruit, coffee
  • 5-Larabar
  • 630-eggs, bacon, toast, decaf, SB&J toast
  • Calories: 2775: p 750, c 1175, f 850

Sleep: 7 hours in bed, 1015p-515a, 79% quality. Honestly, I have absolutely no idea what the fuck I was doing up so late. No memory of it whatsoever, as I type this all of 36 hours later.

Healthy Movement: Pretty much none; pure laziness today! Hip saw no improvement today, no surprise given I've been forgetting my evening PT work. Shivering outside for an hour while sitting was bad. Sitting all day at the Thanksgiving feast was also bad. And uncomfortable for many positions. But would've been way too fucking weird to stand and hover, and just a little too formal to lay on the floor. Damn.

Fun & Play: 5k volunteering with a few of my favorite people = best way to start the best holiday. Bunch of "I'm thankful for you" texts out to my besties, which meant a bunch of love-filled texts back. Happiness! Family time was pleasant & relaxing.

Wednesday, November 26

Gratitude: My strength. I love being strong after a lifetime of weakness. I will never be weak again by choice. It might be a bit too much of an obsession for me, but given my history, it's the better end of the spectrum. Saner. Healthier. And today, my strength allowed me to play "toddler squat & toss" at the Hoppe household, which was great fun to both me & the toddlers, although I couldn't do enough for their satisfaction. Mine either, to be honest, but I loved finding this fun little party trick.

Nutrition: This afternoon I wanted to eat my own goddamn fists off. No idea why, but it was legit hunger, not stress-cravings.
  • 5a-fried egg sandwich w/ mustard, Canadian bacon, SB&J toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 830-Larabar
  • 945-Kind Strong bar, coffee w/ CM
  • 12-pork tenderloin, sad iceberg salad
  • 130-apple, Larabar
  • 330-Kind Strong bar
  • 430-coconut butter
  • 7-ham, pineapple, potatoes, spaghetti squash, raw veg, Zevia
  • calories 2675: p 775, c 1100, f 800
Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 915p-445a, 80% quality. I'd rate it more like 90%; it was solid as hell until 4a, which meant the alarm woke me from my return to sleep. Bah.

Healthy Movement: Got up with hip feeling about the same as yesterday. Did class which was super fun, swapping the DB racks around to where I've always wanted them. Happier instructor now! Not much improvement in hip throughout the day, although no worse either.

Fun & Play: Class. Chitchat with BK, a surprise but too-brief appearance by BB. LAPW lunch where I was told to dig out my phone and text a "Thank you" to someone who has inspired me: I sent three. Productive, helpful coworkers. A delightful Hoppe family Thanksgiving.

Stress Management: Work. Fucking ugh. I'm coping okay stress-wise (at least for today), but I'm rapidly turning into this: 

Tuesday, November 25

Gratitude: The Well. I will be forever grateful for how it has changed my life in terms of strength & fitness, but also the incredible people it's put into my life, like leading me to NSS. And I love the experience I gain by teaching here; such a range of people is fabulous learning for me, and the peeps in my class are a delight. Part of me wants to do it full-time. Or maybe just half-time...because I would desperately miss my spreadsheets and balance sheets.

  • 530-eggs, Canadian bacon, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 9-Larabar, coffee w/ CM
  • 1015-pepitas
  • 1115-Kind Strong bar
  • (12p-Dustin session)
  • 115-tuna w mustard, rice crackers, Larabar
  • 4-Larabar
  • 8-chicken w mustard, apple
  • calories 2150: p 825, c 725, f 600

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 930p-515a, 80% quality. In a bit late but fell asleep quickly. Woke naturally but could've used a little longer. 

Healthy Movement: Hip feeling decent in the AM, better overnight than the night before. But once again made me wince getting out of my car. What the hell can I do about that? I can avoid sitting all day at work - but I can't exactly stand while driving. (Although? I wish I could.) Session made the hip feel much better again, literally trotting around the turf with zero pain. Movement works, yo! But it hurt again getting out of my car back at TS. Made me want to smash things, fiercely. Did my class but kept it on the light side, felt great! Hip was great the rest of the night despite sitting for two straight hours. Just a touch of tightness, a pleasant surprise.

Fun & Play: Another birthday gift early in the morning: a Trav's gift card from Timmy! Made a Friday breakfast date with Holea. BK chitchat and birthday coffee. Fun session, with deadlift PR and pull-up total-rep PR. Also, just feeling beastly! Very sweet birthday gift from Monica. Very wonderful RAK story from Brett, made my day entirely, AND he told me about his planned new family holiday tradition, involving taking his girls to do RAKs every weekend between Thanksgiving & Christmas. Dude is so amazing.

Stress Management: Man, I am so fucking TARRED of feeling overwhelmed by my to-do list. I'll be working TS all day Friday to try to Get Shit Done. And that means working at NSS after the breakfast run on Saturday. Or maybe on Sunday. Whatevs, soon I'll be working every weekend, might as well get used to it now, right? 

Monday, November 24

Gratitude: All of my people that I haven't yet mentioned this month. I got over 100 messages via FB, text, and email. And some cards. And a few in-person hugs. And my mood went from utter shit at the start of the day, to super happy and deeply loving the world again by the end. I am thoroughly spoiled by all of this love.

  • 230a-Larabar
  • 515-eggs, sausage, Canadian bacon, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 8-coffee w/ CM
  • 9-coconut butter, moar coffees w/ CM
  • 1045-half bag lemon super cookies
  • (12p-Dustin session)
  • 130-chicken, butternut squash, apple
  • 345-half bag lemon super cookies
  • 630-salad w avocado, toast, bacon jerky, kombucha
  • calories 2850: p 600, c 950, f 1300

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 915p-5a, 84% quality. Up at 230a for bathroom, water, Larabar. Fell back relatively easily but did lay there for a while with a monkey mind.
Healthy Movement: Hip hurt but tolerable at home, hurt like a motherfucker walking into work. What the hell is it about sitting?! It's also not a weight-bearing pain; I could feel it sharply just moving my leg to roll over in bed; pain initiates from the hip flexor movement, but that's not where the pain is. Felt like an old person. Did some PT moves in class, a lot of extra lunge holds to stretch the left front, and it all helped. Still, limping much of the morning. Frustrating and beat down mentally. Went into the session determined to walk out feeling great, and I did. Of course! This is the magic of NSS and Dustin.

Fun & Play: Birthday wishes from my class attendees. Birthday voice mail from my papa. Doing my RAKs. FB birthday messages galore. Birthday texts from my loved ones. A Relay donation by my BB. Session. Ordered treats for an entire team at work, anonymously. RAKs rule!

Temperance: Still hating on myself. That's a fun way to start your birthday. I spent my drive into work reminding myself that it's lifting season, and most lifters aren't running 13 miles, and I showed up yesterday expecting only one lap, so why the hell should I be upset that I got 1.5 laps?! Because I'm a perfectionist overachiever. And I need to knock that shit off, or I will go insane.

Work super sucked in the morning. Spent my first few hours morning feeling like a total idiot because I'm trying to take over a full-time job as just one of my many tasks, with almost no help on what I'm doing. I know that's just how this is going to go, but...Not. Fun.

Luckily, my people, as always, saved the day. A million birthday wishes, silly texts, a couple cards, a Relay donation, a fantastic session, a ton of laughs.

Sunday, November 23

Gratitude: Old friends. It's a beautiful, precious thing to still be close to people who were my besties during my formative years. We are at ease instantly, catch up quickly, and laugh so very hard together. Love them thoroughly.

  • 630-eggs, sausage, toast, SB&J dinner roll, coffee w/ CM
  • 915-homemade Larabar
  • (1015-12.9m run)
  • During-toddler pack, Larabar, rice crackers, SB&J
  • 1pm-apple
  • 2-SB&J, homemade Larabar 
  • 430-Larabar
  • 530-chef salad, decaf
  • calories 2550: p 525, c 1125, f 900

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 930p-615a, 90% quality. Slept like a rock, but I didn't get up feeling rested.

Healthy Movement: In addition to left hip pain, also a tight right Achilles. Felt rather bleah all over. The trail run seemed like a terrible idea, but I packed as though I'd do it all, just in case shit magically came together. It didn't, and I'm now struggling to be proud of what I DID accomplish, even if it's less than what I WANTED to accomplish. It's still more than I would have done without my foolish friends getting me out there, and more than 0, but I finished feeling like a beat-up weak little quitter, and that's never a good feeling. Feet a little sore from the run, right more than left; left knee gave a few angry shouts around mile 11 but faded; left hip was mildly there on first lap, a little worse on second lap after the pit stop, but it didn't get any worse as I kept running on it; right Achilles was fine on the run, but tighter than left the rest of the day. Full PT before bed.

Fun & Play: Love my running peeps so much. Nature. Chitchat about 5k volunteering on Thanksgiving morning. Posted my gift request (RAKs) on FB. Lovely, enjoyable supper with two of my oldest friends.

Nature: The saving grace of that run was enjoying the winter beauty. We only saw two deer early on, and a few squirrels, but I loved watching the trail for tracks (SO MANY TRACKS) and being out in the warm day, and building a miniature snowman while walking up a hill. And I hope I can remember that, with adjusted expectations, trails can and MUST be done this winter, because the nature is, as always, worth the effort.

Temperance: Sad about my run. Took offense at BK saying the trails were easy, felt hurt by it - and then realized I wasn't mad at him but rather at the unfairness of it. They probably were easy for him. And a few weeks ago would've been easy for me, too. I'm sad at how quickly I've lost my running abilities. In a matter of two weeks I've gone from feeling like a runner on top of the world, can do no wrong, to again feeling like a meathead weightlifter who should give up running. Realizing it's probably going to take me most of next summer to get back to where I got this fall. And I'm never gonna be a good enough pacer for BK. And woe is me, blah blah blah.

And my face is freaking out - for unknown reasons, compounding my sadness - so tomorrow I turn 36 with the skin of an ugly16-year old. Hate my face, blah blah blah.

Fucked up the husband's entire day by sending him off to buy a snowmobile (to fix & resell) with a checkbook that had no check blanks. He had it loaded up and everything. 180 miles round trip. Given how pissed I'd be at him in that situation, I got right to hating on myself for it, so fucking stupid, blah blah blah. 

Saturday, November 22

Gratitude: My family. Seriously amazing people. I actually had FUN spending 4 hours cutting up hogs and washing up equipment, chatting & laughing & working hard all being equally delightful with those people in the mix. I was then fed a tasty lunch by my mama, and serenaded by all the wee cousins. Hugs all around, & wishes to see each other again soon, and actual true sadness that it's not as often as I'd like. The. Best. People.

Nutrition: Once again, a massive carb-load of pizza for supper. Fuck you, it's my birthday weekend, and I'm [stupidly, perhaps] going to attempt 20-30 trail miles tomorrow.
  • 430a-eggs, sausage, toast, SB&J toast, coffee w/ CM
  • (6-5.25m run)
  • 730-banana
  • 1230p-venison burger, roasted cauliflower, apple, Larabar, much coffee
  • 3-homemade Larabar 
  • 6-Daiya pizza w/ Canadian bacon, red tea
  • 730-root beer float (Zevia & AZ)
  • Calories 3100: p 650, c 1975, f 475
Sleep: 7 hours in bed, 915p-415a, 80% quality. In a bit late and took a while to fall asleep, then woke a bit earlier than necessary, not enough time to fall back. Got up feeling rested, though. Logged a solid afternoon nap 315-515p.

Healthy Movement: Felt great at home but hip hurt just as soon as I got out of the car to run. Fuck. You. I just ran through the pain (not being badass, just stubborn; the pain is mild-ish), and tried to see if leftward slant or rightward slant or perfectly flat would help: nothing changed it. Bah. Was sore all day, but standing & cutting meat/fat didn't bother it, both legs equally weight-bearing. At home, napped, then was sitting all eve.

Fun & Play: ROUS run with my favorites. Hog butchering fun times with the family. A dozen kiddos singing Happy Birthday to me. Lovely birthday gift from the parents. Vacation booked, FINALLY. Flying to Vegas, road trip from there; $100 saved vs Phoenix. Next up: even more logistics, since we have to plot a route and maybe some hotels, and OH I have all these pets needing care & feeding. Gah. At least that all can "pend" a little longer.

Friday, November 21

Gratitude: Oscar, my little gray tiger, is THE perfect snuggle buddy. Every night he lays on my right side, snugge up tight against me. When I flip over, sweeping the blanket right out from underneath him, he calmly rises & waits for me to simmer down, and then resettles, again snugged up tight against me. He never wakes me up, unlike his siblings. He is my alpha kitty, ready to fight Hank at a moment's notice, protective of his little orange brother, and very vocal when I forget to feed them. He's also got the most expressive eyes I've ever seen on a kitty. I love him to bits!

Nutrition: Stocking up on calories for the weekend'a adventures. And also, I just wanted pizza. 
  • 530-eggs, bacon, sausage, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 745-coffee w /CM
  • 945-homemade Larabar
  • 12p-tuna w/ mustard, rice crackers, apple
  • 215-Larabar 
  • 6-cheese pizza w/ Canadian bacon
  • 730-pint AZ
  • calories 3025: p 850, c 1675, f 600
Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 930p-515a, 81% quality. I have no idea what the fuck I was doing to get to bed that late. I did my PT, but that takes all of 5 minutes. Get your shit together, girl! At least I slept like a rock. Vivid weird dreams. Woke naturally at 5a and thought I might fall back, but no.

Healthy Movement: Never noticed hip at home, flinched as I got out of car at work. Sitting = bad news bears. More movement =more happiness. Stood at NSS all afternoon, makeshift standing desk. At home, only sat on couch, and felt pretty good by bedtime. 

Fun & Play: FB silliness. BK chitchat. Farm fresh eggs delivery day! Lunch with my BB! Productive afternoon at NSS. Lazy TV time with pets in my lap. 

Temperance: I've been reading a lot more and writing a little more. Very satisfying. Must fill my previous "allotted for running" hours with this. 

Thursday, November 20

Gratitude: Coffee. I love it, and I wouldn't want to live without it. I'd give up bacon before coffee. (Yes, and without hesitation.) It's also something I can easily gift to my beloveds, which I often do. And it's my favorite way to spend time with most of those beloveds (unless they are runners, then THAT is my favorite way to spend time with them, natch). To sit with endless coffee and talk and enjoy each other's company is pretty much the best thing on earth. I got to do that with BK today, and it made me wish I could do it every single day with one of my peeps. If I could rotate through a week's worth of coffee breaks with each of my besties, that would be amazing.

  • 530a-eggs, bacon, toast, homemade Larabar, coffee w/ CM
  • 10-homemade Larabar
  • (12p-Dustin session)
  • 130-chicken, squash, dinner roll
  • 4-coconut butter
  • 7-salad w/ avocado, SB&J toast, apple
  • calories 2325: p 400, c 875, f 1050

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 930p-515a, 86% quality. Slept in, woo hoo! I was the one waking up Hanky today - payback, sucka!!

Healthy Movement: Left hip felt better in the morning at home, right back to sharp as soon as I got out of my car. Sitting is very bad, flinching just walking after sitting. Eased into session because of it, but hit badass level quite easily! Hip felt significantly better afterward. Movement = good! Did PT in eve before bed.

Fun & Play: Sleeping in. Spent time cheering up BK after his morning started shitty, and it included spending his entire break time with him, an unexpected delight. What a nice little catch-up session, covering all the things we'd hit on a run, except instead we were drinking tasty coffee and sitting on out butts. Good times! Big plans & big talk with him, BL, DQ about running a 50k this Sunday. On LCSP trails. In falling ice pellets and rain. Bring it on, Mother Nature! I don't know if I'm still capable of 50k, but I know I can do 10m easily, and 20m with a little effort, so I'll aim for at least that, and see what happens. At the very least, I expect much fun with badass friends! Productive work day, happy & silly & giddy coworkers, just nice to have no stress about it. Fun class, wanted to participate but was needed more for instructing, which of course is also fantastic. But feeling the urge to Do Shit, big time. Target shopping after work, nabbed some fun stuff, and ran into a former coworker & was happy to catch up with her.

Wednesday, November 19

Gratitude: A nice little thing: I am immensely grateful for Trav's. It's a place I can order a normal meal, no substitutions, no questions - only "no toast" - and absolutely fucking LOVE IT, rather than simply tolerate it. Ate there tonight with Miss Holea to catch up, and it was fantastic. Second breakfast with buddies is the bestest.

Nutrition: This afternoon my SIL emailed me about Thanksgiving food; her parents are hosting us and planning a pasta bar. I literally teared up trying to write enough to encompass restrictions & ideas & really just wanted to say "I'll bring my own food, it's fine, really, it's easier for everyone that way, even me." And when I feel like such a weird fucking loser who is going to be doing this for the rest of my fucking life...ugh. And then I realized that on vacation, eating is going to be a huge PITA because we are traveling daily & NOT smartly staying in one spot with a kitchenette, which is what works best for me. We won't even have a damn cooler. UGH. I just wanted to cry. Eating shouldn't be this hard.
  • 445a-eggs, bacon, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 930-Larabar, coffee w/ CM
  • 1045-homemade Larabar
  • 1230-chicken, dinner roll, apple, coffee w/ CM
  • 330-coconut butter
  • 6-eggs, ham, potatoes (Trav's!)
  • calories 2100: p 775, c 725, f 600

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 9p-430a, 75% quality. Wide awake 4a onward. Couldn't fall back, thanks to licking dogs. Heard even through ear plugs. FOR REAL.

Healthy Movement: Did PT last night before bed, and again this morning before class since I was up so early & at work so early. Worst pain is balancing on left foot with hip jutting out; if I squeeze that glute to keep my pelvis level, pain disappears. So, while at my desk, I stood like that regularly throughout the day in short bursts. Wake up, left glute!! While walking, I could sometimes eliminate the pain by pushing in around the area, or by hiking up one side or the other, or by twisting. Didn't really "stick" beyond a few steps - more like, a change made the body go, "Whaaa?" until it realized it was nothing, then back to pain. Always worse after sitting. Got a little movement by hauling boxes & & tables and throwing pallets, helping organize for a garage sale at work. Otherwise, another rest day, besides a dreadmill mile for shoe testing.

Fun & Play: Super productive day. Potential for stressful morning, feeling almost burned out at 9am (work chaos), until I realized I hadn't had any work coffee yet. That solved a lot of problems! Coworker giddiness today - we really have a lot of smartass fun 'round here. Got to drop a little dose of praise on the team at a meeting. Supper with Holea, who is in a great place already. Successful shoe test & BK chitchat about them.

Tuesday, November 18

Gratitude: I'm so grateful that I have enough money. I was just whining about how our vacation is going to cost more than I want it to, and how I should probably buy two pairs of winter shoes so that I have a rotation (lower chance of overuse injury) - and then I realized what an asshole I am being. To be able to spend money on these things is a blessing, much less to be able to spend more than I really want to? This is an incredible gift! I have dear friends who are struggling right now, some of them big time, and meanwhile these complaints of mine are not just expenses that I can control & that I choose to indulge in (unlike, say, the cost of a divorce, or child support) - and that I can totally afford. Instead of complaining about my "abundant" expenses, I recognize how privileged I am, and feel grateful.

  • 5a-eggs, bacon, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 945-Larabar, meat stick, coffee w/ CM
  • (12p-Dustin session)
  • 115-chicken, squash, Larabar
  • (515-1m run)
  • 6-salad w/ avocado, SB&J toast 
  • calories 2225: p 500, c 725, f 1000

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 915p-445a, 72% quality. Solid as a rock until 4a, then wide the fuck awake. Dozed and dreamed about Western States. GodDAMN, I hope BK gets in. More mountains for me! I mean, yay for my favorite running buddy, but really: it's all about me.

Healthy Movement: Hip still hurts, although there is a little tiny bit of improvement. Session felt good, could kind of feel the hip in first set of squats and then fine. But immediately afterward, from car to TS, it was back. Argh. Bright side: pull-ups PR of 16, hot damn!! Tested a new pair of shoes on the treadmill after class. Just one mile. Liked 'em!

Fun & Play: Uber-productive work day. Session. Buddy praise. Class. Shoe testing.

Monday, November 17

Gratitude: Social media. It's possible to NOT connect through social media, to only have surface connections, and certainly I have "friends" on there that really aren't - but I hide their nonsense and I don't care what they think about mine. And I only make time for two sources: DailyMile & Facebook. Through DM I can keep up with my favorite runners even if I only actually see them once a week, or less. The next time we run, we don't have to catch up on the gap, but can get right down to the nitty gritty details of our hobby. FB gives me the ability to keep tabs on my people, hear their random thoughts, and share my own silliness. I love seeing the little details of others' daily life, pet pictures & kid stories & clever pictures & chicken strips shaped like dragons. Because the little things really are the big things. This I know for certain.

  • 515a-eggs, bacon, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 745-homemade Larabar
  • 945-2 meat sticks
  • 1245p-chicken, dinner roll, Larabar
  • 430-Larabar
  • 615-salad w avocado, toast, apple
  • calories 2425: p 625, c 800, f 1000

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 915p-5a, 81% quality. Solid until 4a, then dozing in/out. Alarm woke me, bah.

Healthy Movement: Left hip is very, very tight - has dropped beyond the core and reverted to the hip issue from August. Sadness. I was weirdly excited to TTFU and go running at lunch, tackle the challenge of the sideways snow, Get After It ... but this hip made me stay indoors & rest. Frustrated that I was eager but unable. I was literally getting pissed that BK didn't want to run because I DID want to go run in the nighttime snow. And if he had wanted to, I totally would have. So I know that it's to my physical benefit that he didn't. But not mentally. I want to be able to run whenever I want to. I know it's a minor thing, but it sucks. And I don't know what's causing it, unless my pelvis has turned again. I should do the corrections for that and see if it fixes itself. That would be pretty smart, wouldn't it?

Fun & Play: Class. Another blog post written (not this one - one over here). Much work accomplished (yet so much more not, ugh). Vacation chitchat with FB peeps & BL, and then tracking down flights & a car with the hubs, woo hoo! New winter running shoes with great big meaty lugs! Will have to treadmill test, and even if they suck, it's fun to play with new shoes. It also leads to BK chitchat about shoes. Running buddies are the best.

Sunday, November 16

Gratitude: High time for me to wax on about Hank. He has been such a delight to me since I brought him home 1.5 years ago. He's a hassle, he's messy, he's a liability when vacation planning, he chews everything, he's expensive, and he has wrecked a lot of stuff. And yet? I can't imagine not having him, how boring life was before him. He FLIES out of the garage whenever I come home, runs laps of excitement in the yard, and nearly climbs into the driver's seat to make sure it really is me, that this miracle of my return is not his imagination. He prances around me for attention, always a step ahead of me as I walk through the house to make sure he's going where I'm going. He sits at my feet and leans back into me whenever he is calm or sleepy. He tries to climb into my lap whenever I'm on the couch or the floor, not realizing that at 70lbs, he is NOT a lap dog. He lets me squeeze him tightly with ferocious hugs and whisper my problems into his soft fur and smack his flank satisfyingly, like one would a horse. When I massage his ears just right, he nearly passes out in ecstasy. I love him so much, and I'm so thankful we decided to take the leap beyond kitties. My Hanky is my most joyous buddy.

Nutrition: Today's slog through the snow reminded me that eating enough is hugely important. This week's "overeating" may very well be why it felt as easy as it did. A good reminder to eat by feel and not fight it or worry about it, as long as my cravings are normal and rational. Which they have been, for a very long time. Crazy note here: since about the time I started eating more/enough.
  • 7a-eggs, sausage, toast, coffee w CM
  • 10-homemade Larabar
  • (11-hulking session)
  • 12p-burger on bun w mustard, oven fries, apple w SB
  • 3-homemade Larabar
  • (330-4m run)
  • 6-hamburger, spaghetti squash w marinara, kombucha
  • Calories 2600: p 875, c 1075, f 650

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 945p-630a, 95% quality. In late due to movie-watching, and past 11 before I fell asleep, but out like a rock until 6.

Healthy Movement: Left core is tight. Felt it get almost crampy on TGUs in hulking session, but fine for the rest. That loosened it up somewhat. Upper back tightened up a little after the lifting, but in a good "mmmm, I benched a lot!" way. Debated a run to test out Heidi's shoes, decided I should avoid them (Newtons gave me foot problems a year or two ago), and winter weather had me MEH anyway. And then Shawn offered to run with me, and so I decided that this winter, if I have someone to run with, I do it, whether or not I was planning on running. If there's a buddy, and I have the time, go run! That will keep it enjoyable. I'm so glad I did today. It was tough, but satisfying & fun! 4 miles in peaceful, pretty powder. Left core a little worse again afterward, did the PT stretch after both workouts today, in addition to usual bedtime routine.

Fun & Play: Productive day at home. Hulking. Big dose of reading time. Running that felt good. Shawn time. BK chitchat. FB silliness with several peeps. Lovely, crisp, refreshing nature.

Saturday, November 15

Gratitude: ROUS. It's brought many wonderful people into my world, some of whom have turned into amazingly dear friends, and uncountable fun adventures, and made my running so much more enjoyable. Incredibly grateful. 

  • 5a-eggs, sausages, dinner roll, coffee w/ CM
  • (6-9m run)
  • 815-eggs, ham, bacon, potatoes, much coffee
  • 2p-SB&SB&J toast, kombucha
  • 5-homemade Larabar guts
  • 615-burger on dinner roll w mustard, oven fries
  • 8-pint AZ
  • calories 2750: p 1050, c 1000, f 700

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 845p-445a, 95% quality. Solid as a rock. Sleep graph shows me tossing & turning 345a onward, but I don't think that happened. I got up feeling pretty great.

Healthy Movement: Feeling great, and excited for the run. Not even too upset about the cold. It was better than hoped; after a full week off, I thought 9 miles might kinda suck, but the body held up nicely. Left core did get crank around mile 7, and extra super crank after sitting at Trav's. Stretched it when I got home but it was tight all day long. Ugh. Shoes were upsettingly slippery on the snow, as expected, but BK came through with several recs for me to investigate. 

Fun & Play: Great time on the run. Breakfast with my BB. Shoe advice chitchat with BK. Bonus bit of HB & Mitzi time. Shopping for new running shoes (online) using BK's helpful research; found 4 that Amazon will deliver next week! Cooking alongside the hubs. Vacation plans. Movie time.

Nature: No stars were visible on our cloudy morning run, but I did enjoy crunching along on the snowmobile trail, and now I've found some hope that LCSP's trails will also be runnable. Eep!

Friday, November 14

Gratitude: I am so grateful for my orange boy Clyde. He knocked over the dog water dish this morning, making a big mess for the half-dozenth time, and yet when his number one favorite thing to do is sit in my lap & lean back into me & purr like an exotic sports car ... I forgive him anything & everything. If I were raising children, they'd be SO naughty; I'm such a sap.

Nutrition: Why can't I stop over-eating? I was in a mode of tracking solely to make sure I was eating enough, but now I'm easily flying past my minimum and still feeling a little deprived. This is getting weird.
  • 545a-eggs, sausages, yam, coffee w/ CM
  • 7-Larabar, coffee w/ CM
  • 930-meat stick, mixed nuts
  • 12p-sausages, hot dog bun, mixed nuts
  • 330-Larabar 
  • 630-eggs, sausages, yam, decaf w CM
  • calories 2700: p 700, c 750, f 1250

: 7.75 hours in bed, 945p-530a, 79% quality. In too late due to painting class, otherwise super solid, woke naturally, got up rested.

Healthy Movement: Sore glutes, that's it! Definitely from the jumping lunges, I decided while doing class warm-up today (every third Friday). Still, I wanted very much to join in, but having already told BK I would conserve for tomorrow's run, I stayed wise & resisted. Feel excited to run tomorrow; have 2-3 pals to join so it will be a grand time of playing at running. And hopefully I see some stars ... this morning I saw the moon (but no stars, sun was rising) and it made me realize I haven't seen it nor Orion for at least a week. I miss that big fella. Greeting him is a pleasant way to start my day.

Fun & Play: Sleeping in. HH chitchat & running-date-making. BK chitchat & coffee-delivering. BB chitchat & breakfast-date-making. Damn, I love my peeps! NSS time was super productive, had extra time to get some good reconciling done. HB chitchat and hug- & advice-giving. She'll be fine, I know, but it hurts me to see her feeling so sad & hurt. Hubs time.

Thursday, November 13

Gratitude: LAPW. I have met so many people and made so many connections. I don't know that any of them are on my close friends list, but they are definitely lovable and fun to hang with. Tonight I did one of the painting classes with a group of them, and had SO much fun. Except for not leaving until 8:15 pm (oh no!), I loved every bit of it, and want to do it again.

Nutrition: Got me a delivery today that consists FOUR CASES of I have two left in my drawer. Great timing!
  • 6-eggs, sausages, yam, coffee w/ CM
  • 10-apple, meat stick
  • 1130-Larabar
  • (12p-Dustin session)
  • 115-sausages w/ bun, Larabar
  • (440-class)
  • 530-bag pork jerky, Larabar
  • calories 2325: p 925, c 700, f 700

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 915p-545a, 88% quality. Wide awake at 2a. Up for bathroom, water, in/out there onward. It was kind of terrible, but at least I was able to sleep in nice & late, thus got up feeling fairly rested.

Healthy Movement: I haz aching squat legs. Session still felt fantastic, no issues. Happy to get to go heavier again on deadlifts & stuff. Remembering that I was looking forward to dropping the runs and upping the weights. Did my afternoon class and loved the complete change of pace to something hard as shit & satisfyingly fatiguing. Had to miss a few minutes for coaching purposes; may be able to join the second round of each afternoon class to teach well, and it moderates my dosage too.

Fun & Play: Productivity. Cleaned out some to-dos. BK chitchat. Session. Class. Painting fun!

Ze blank canvasss.

Ze tools.

Easiest part!

Hm, not perfect, but I like them.

Ooh, pretty! Very happy with my birch trees.

Those mothafucking BIRDS were the death of me. Blue bird was perfect on the first stabs. Then I redid red boy like 3 times and yella fella around 8 times. Still not satisfied, but it's the best this accountant will do without help (I didn't want help).

Add some pretty snow flecks, and VOILA, I am an arteest!

Wednesday, November 12

Gratitude: I'm very grateful for Holea. She's so much fun and so smart and so kind, and I wish I had been even half as awesome as she is, when I was a wee lass of 24.

Nutrition: It occurred to me this morning that yesterday's nonstop hunger could be related to the shitty sleep over the weekend. Could be? Almost guaranteed to be; that's how this body responds. Had an SB almost-binge at supper tonight, despite yet another total-rest day. Get more sleep, girl.
  • 5-eggs, sausage, yam, coffee w/ CM
  • 8-coffee w/ CM
  • 10-5 Reese's Pieces, meat stick, pepitas, coffee w/ CM
  • 1230-beef roast on tapioca roll, raw veg, meat stick, decaf w/ CM
  • 315-Larabar
  • 7-salad, sausage, apple w Sunbutter 
  • calories 2525: p 675, c 800, f 1050
Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 845p-5a, 97% quality. I finally slept like a mothafuckin' ROCK. So damn solid.

Healthy Movement: Body feels good other than beginnings of squat soreness in quads. Planned to yoga, with Holea but she needed to talk. So I planned to Prowler with Holea, but she needed to face to face talk and cry and get advice. So I was a good friend who gave her just that. And now I'm really getting antsy to Do Something.

Fun & Play: Great fun in class. I decided to be silly & have fun today, at all costs, no matter what, and it mostly worked. Team potluck. Impressive work productivity. Holea time.

Temperance: Had a moment today, while looking in the mirror & examining my skin, that I thought to myself, "Man, it really sucks being this ugly." The voice in my head, she is an utter cunt. I slapped her silent, but how do I kill her dead?

Tuesday, November 11

Gratitude: I already used the hubs once, but I'm doing it again: he got up extra early to blow out the driveway, since I'm such an early bird. Literally had it finished by 6am. He's so amazingly generous with his time. I need to learn this from him. I'm generous with words and with money, but not so much my time.

Nutrition: I was strangely hungry today. All day. A small part of my anxiety & panic over the loss of running is the concern that I now need to eat less. I don't wanna dial it back. Eating is happiness again, and I didn't have that for like 4 straight years. And I don't hafta dial it back if I can somehow keep on burning tons o' calories. Eating plenty also gives me the energy to burn tons o' calories (and build tons o' muscle) so it's become a rather lovely self-fulfilling cycle (g-flux, baby!) - but my problem lies in replacing those bonus evening runs...what to do with my training?
  • 515-eggs, sausages, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 715-coffee w/ CM
  • 830-Larabar
  • 945-meat stick, coffee w/ CM
  • (12p-session)
  • 115-spaghetti squash w/ sausage, meat stick, rice crackers
  • 330-mixed nuts
  • 6-salad, apple, SB&J toast, kombucha
  • calories 2750: p 625, c 1025, f 1100

: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a, 84% quality. Mostly awake 245a onward. UGH. Monkey mind ensued, trying to figure out why I couldn't sleep, and thinking about my work to-do list. DOUBLE UGH.

Healthy Movement: Body feels excellent, even though OOPS I forgot last night's PT. (I was a mess last night, rather tired & confused while getting ready for bed.) Had a fabulous session: added 2 to my final set of pull-ups and had a bench press PR, making me a HAPPY GIRL. Did the warm-up with my PM class, and promised them I'd do the Thursday workout WITH them. I figure that way I'm not impacting my Dustin sessions, although it might make a Saturday morning run feel pretty awful. But if I ain't alone, as I plan to join the ROUS outing, then how bad can it be?

Fun & Play: Productive work day. Lovely meeting with my lovely lead. Fantabulous session. Productive afternoon. Chitchat with MK. A treat to my Buddy. Two people in my class, one of them new, super fun times!

Monday, November 10

Gratitude: I'm glad for the flexibility to adjust my hours at work. I left early so that I could get home in the daylight, and I had many coworkers doing the same, or coming in late, or both. Our work is not life & death: safety first. Wish that were the case for every employer.

Nutrition: I ate way too much for a rest day. Weather-related-stress eating.
  • 5-eggs, sausage, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 715-Larabar
  • 915-Renola, coffee w/ CM
  • 1130-tuna w/ mustard, rice crackers
  • 1245p-Larabar
  • 330-pepitas, Larabar
  • (5-shoveling)
  • 530-salad w/ avocado, SB&J toast
  • calories 2575: p 500, c 925, f 1150
Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a, 83% quality. Little choppy, but happy to see the time at 3a and be able to fall back. NOT happy to roll over & snuggle in - and hear the buzz at 445a. Blargh. 

Healthy Movement: Body feels pretty damn great. Weather had me crank and feeling like I wouldn't be able to run today, but BK chitchat prompted me to TTFU. With the rotten weather I delayed my run to the end of the day: save the disastrous hair & makeup mess for the pets. But then the need to leave early ... or let the hubs pick me up ... or I don't know when it's safe to leave ... it didn't happen. Sure I have a treadmill, but: gross. I did shovel for a whole 15 minutes. Eh, maybe with all this rest I'll lift like The Hulk tomorrow. 

Fun & Play: Coworker goofiness. BK ultra talk. Silly FB arguments about the snow. Watching Hanky dance in the snow as I tossed it at him. Lazy TV time. 

Temperance: Told BK I can't be a Zumbro pacer for him. He's fine, of course; he'll find others who are willing & able - & probably faster. But. It makes me feel so pathetically weak to say that I won't be capable of doing one of my favorite things. Maybe I will be, somehow, but I just can't promise it. He needs the best, and that's not me. Hard not to get down on myself about this.

Sunday, November 9

Gratitude: Bacon. It really brings people together, as evidenced by the hilarity ensuing on my FB picture. And because it is also is my favorite (almost only) food-based indulgence. I don't even need to eat it daily, I just need to know that I can, and I'm grateful.

  • 10a-eggs, bacon, potatoes w onions, coffee
  • 1230p-Larabar, berry-flavored black tea
  • 130-pork jerky, Renola, kombucha
  • 530-salad w avocado, SB&J toast
  • Calories 2200: p 475, c 875, f 850

Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed, 1015p-530a, no measurement but CRAP quality. On a couch, wrong pillow, no kittehs, keyed up over my great Saturday. Spent about two hours being quiet and waiting for the rest of the house to awaken. Once my phone neared death, I began reading a book of children's fairy tales. Yes, I really did.

Healthy Movement: Very little. Many hours vegging on Amy's couch, followed by many hours in a car, broken up by two rest stop "jump out and MOVE SOME" cold-air refreshers, followed by an hour of bookkeeping, followed finally by some standing hours at home, getting chores done.

Fun & Play: Amy time. Shopping at the meat market (smelled better than a bakery to me!). Sunshine on my drive. Fast speeds. BK chitchat. Tree visit. Dad's bookwork (his shop also smells better than a bakery to me!). Excited lovable pets. Hubs time. Realizing that despite the madness, I had a refreshing, fulfilling weekend. Happy girl.

Nature: Stopped to lay on the tree at the Avon rest stop. Two months ago, the Superior 100 weekend kicked off my amazing fall of running & running buddies & all the happiness, and a stretch on that tree was the last piece of that weekend. It felt appropriate to stop and say goodbye to the fall yesterday on that very same tree. My crewing adventures will pause for 5 months, my trails shall (way too soon) be covered over for skiers, and it's time to switch my focus to lifting. (Well, after the 50k, unless it's canceled due to this bullshit snow.) I'm so incredibly sad about all of this. I understand all good things must come to an end, and it will be good for my body & brain both, but of all the things I'll miss, it's the hearty doses of nature that will hurt the most. In the winter, I can't immerse myself in the natural world as completely as I did this fall. I can run, I can try snowshoeing adventures, but it won't be the same, mostly because it won't be nearly as frequent. I won't maintain an average of 2 hours per day outside like I have for the past two months! Sadness. Utter & complete sadness.

Saturday, November 8

Gratitude: Today I am grateful for Amy. I am visiting her and it's been wonderful catching up. Feels like we haven't been apart at all, swapping little daily-life details and talking about families and friends. Love her and wish she were closer, but 4 hours ain't so far.

  • 5a-eggs, chicken sausage, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 845-SB&A (applesauce!) toast
  • 11-pork jerky, Larabar, peach tea
  • 2p-Renola 
  • 4-coffee, kombucha
  • 5-Larabar
  • 7-Cobb salad
  • calories 2300: p 800, c 850, f 650
Sleep: 6.25 hours in bed, 1015p-430a, 73% quality. Ages to fall asleep, woke a few times, in/out 330a onward.

Healthy Movement: Left low back aches. Hip/core is feeling better, though. Rest rest rest. Sat many hours, stood 3 hours in the woods. Left core kept resurfacing as tight, but it was better after the driving than I expected.

Fun & Play: Bills paid, breathing room and extra vacation savings thanks to fall paychecks for the hubs. Timing with Amy worked out after all, that I could swing through Icebox! Spent 3 hours in the woods cheering on runners with hilariously fun peeps. Another incredible Brian win. Driving through rural Wisconsin's beautiful hills to get to...Amy time. Love love love.

So glad the timing with Amy worked out to squeeze in Icebox today. It was painful to think I wouldn't be there. I need to be a part of these epics, because I'll never do them myself; I'm neither physically nor mentally capable. And I'm okay with that, as long as crewing gives me the exposure I crave. Somehow there is nothing more fun than hanging out in the woods with others, cheering on runners, enjoying nature, and watching a badass friend smoke his goal.

Stress Management: This morning I pissed off Brian as he drove to Icebox. I was trying to help him, tracked down a handheld since he forgot his at home, but he interpreted it as me not trusting when he said he was fine, not believing he was fully capable of handling it. In person I think it would have gone over better, but solo he was able to attribute all sorts of extra meaning. It put him into a mental hole that he had to dig back out of, and of course that's a rotten way to go into a race, and I did that to him; so I felt soooper shitty all morning that he reacted the way he did, and was literally in tears even though it was nowhere near that level of an issue.

This mini-breakdown is purely a result of a week's worth of work stress, plus crappy sleep. So again I wonder, how will I survive Winter and tax season, when a friend being a bit annoyed with me makes me fall right apart?

I came out of it by deciding that I was only being a long-distance resourceful mother hen of a crew chief. And his reaction was based on his past (trust issues) not so much on me. That led me to thinking about the Four Agreements, which always helps to calm my crazy brain runaway train and grant some perspective. I shall remember this in the depths of February. 

Anyway it was of course all for naught: Brian never used the handheld and killed his goal anyway. He gave me a little hell when we talked after the race but seemed to have forgiven me. The euphoric glow of a goal achieved is a good time to resolve such issues!

Socialization: Seriously, there is something magical to cheering on runners for hours that is so bucket-filling. Be 100% positive, be silly, be fun, put a smile on their face when all they think they can do is grimace: it's so rewarding. And doing it with Arica & Todd & Doug was that much more fun; they were just hilarious, I was crying almost nonstop. Small dose of Brian time after the race. Giant dose of Amy time, including supper out, just me & her, no hubs or kiddo to interrupt. Truly wonderful. Love my peeps and feel restored & refreshed. 

Friday, November 7

Gratitude: Today I am most grateful for my fellow coworkers on the Finance Team. We are down 6 people since the Chaos, we had a last-minute unforeseen hand-off of job duties (to my plate) on Tuesday, and the news of a leaving team member posed a very serious threat to morale. And yet, somehow, we closed the books in 5 days this month, catching back up to where we were before the Chaos! I will take zero credit, as I depended heavily on resident genius Christopher, and had very few issues working my way through the many entries. I also won't say I produced at the level required, as I had no ability or time to analyze what my entries produced, but I certainly wouldn't have gotten final numbers today without him. The rest of the team prioritized with ferocity, decided they would NOT be the lead weight, the reason we missed it, and they each put the pedal to the medal. I am amazed by them all, so proud, and I love them so very much. I am trying to think of worthy treats to celebrate this accomplishment, and nothing feels like enough. They deserve the moon.

Nutrition: I almost wrote about being grateful for Trav's, but my team won out. I'll have to go another day this month so I have an excuse to use it!
  • 530-eggs, chicken sausage, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 830-Larabar
  • 11-bag lime coconut crisps
  • 1215p-rice crackers
  • (1-3m run)
  • 2-eggs, ham, potatoes, coffee (Trav's)
  • 545-coconut & pineapple bar
  • 745-tuna w/ mustard on toast, SB&J toast
  • calories 2675: p 800, c 1150, f 725

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 930p-515a, 77% quality. Woke at 330a but fell back very soundly & dreamed of random trail running peeps.

Healthy Movement: Low left back still a bit crank, but other ghost-aches are better. Left core is super crank for real. Ran a short & easy 3 miles with Brian between jobs. Felt quite good, but I have now ended my 6.5-week trails-only streak, by road-running with the biggest trail nerd in my whole world...ironic! Sat all afternoon at NSS, and the left core got painful, wincing-level tight. Ugh. I imagine sitting in a car for 8 hours this weekend won't feel good either, but I don't plan to run, what with hunting season plus this multitude of aches in effect, so hopefully it calms down. Or maybe this is just another ache I get to expect during stressful times. Whee!

Fun & Play: Slept in an extra half hour. Enjoyed a longer, slower breakfast. Caribou. Got to work almost an hour later than usual and didn't feel guilty. Happy times! Super productive work morning; buckled down and Got Shit Done, and stressed over none of it. This is so much better; this is the way I should operate at all times.

An enjoyable run with Brian, followed by a perfectly delicious second breakfast with him, which I bought as bribery to be his very first text tomorrow after his race. I will be totally jonesing to hear what he accomplishes. I believe in him and know he will do it, and I so thoroughly wish I could be there to see it! My runner is off doing epic shit, and I won't be there to help - what kind of crew chief am I?! But between my (way overdue) oil change appointment & Amy's availability, I can't even squeeze in a short visit, not without sacrificing Amy time. And as much as I want to see Brian do this, Amy time is a precious, priceless, limited commodity that has to take precedence over standing in the woods cheering for a friend that I already spend a ton of time with. But it was really tough to concede that trade. He is just so fucking GOOD, and only getting better, and I have such excitement for his future. Crewing for such talent is a reward in & of itself.

Anyway. The afternoon at NSS got pretty late (715p!) due to that Brian time, but it was certainly worth it. I had a nice dose of Holea time while there, and that girl needed it this week - plus my hug. I'm so happy to be able to support my besties in these various ways, knowing how much they have supported me when I needed it. I'm feeling very lucky.

Thursday, November 6

Gratitude: Dustin. The man has learned, over five years of dealing with me, how to make me happy. But honestly, I'm not complicated: give me the right set-up to feel strong & beastly despite the mental stress, and I'll worship at your giant feet. He is a font of knowledge, and my therapist, and my employer, and my friend, and he's given me so many new friends in all the peeps at NSS, both trainers & clients. Forever grateful to him and for him. He has changed my life, in every way.

Nutrition: Want. All. The. Coffees. Except I'm sticking to my 60oz per day, yes I am. Challenging this week.
  • 5a-eggs, chicken sausage, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 645-Larabar, coffee w/ CM
  • 10-summer sausage, rice crackers, decaf w/ CM
  • 1115-Larabar
  • (12p-Dustin session)
  • 130-tuna w mustard, rice crackers, apple
  • 415-Larabar
  • (545-7m run)
  • 745-chicken w/ BBQ sauce, SB&J toast
  • calories 2475: p 800, c 1100, f 575
Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 9p-445a, 80% quality. Was out solid, no twitching, until 3a, then dreamt that all the VPs had to start coming to my strength-training class. Wishful thinking, perhaps, that I could punish them all a bit with burpees?

Healthy Movement: Still felt some of the ghost aches & pains (by which I mean prior old injuries acting as if they are fresh problems; like taper madness, but purely mental stress), but they were all milder than yesterday. Session went well, especially so given my brain state. Once again I had to remind myself very firmly to enjoy where I was, and I absolutely enjoyed it once I focused. And Dustin was very helpful in giving me exactly what I needed. Had a fabulously enjoyable run with Heidi in the dark, lovely to catch up with her and talk some girl-talk and have us a trail hug. I need lots of this in my life!

Fun & Play: Start-of-day silliness on FB: much cussing, much relief. Bonus chat with Buddy and another coworker on perspective. BK chat on running. Session was exactly what I needed. Sunshine in the afternoon. Running dates.

Stress Management: Much chatting with fellow coworkers on perspective today. We sell bread and cake. This is not a hospital. On my team, we enter and finalize and analyze numbers, and these numbers neither save lives nor cause deaths. The deadlines we face are our own, and we can adjust them when circumstances change to make them unreasonable.

I can only do what I can do.

And the like.

I have decided that I am sticking to my proper work schedule of Friday afternoon off, close week or not, fresh additional duties or not, and I don't fucking care what it looks like to everyone else. What it should look like, what I want them to see, what I will point out & repeat & reinforce to them at every turn, is that their own flexible schedules are benefits that I value them keeping, because I know it keeps them happy. If I protect mine, they will protect theirs, and we can all avoid burnout. If they push themselves because I have shown them it's expected, then at some point they'll burn out, and they'll leave me, and I'll be much much worse off than "a little behind" on deadlines. So trading my sanity for a deadline benefits none of us, not short-term, not long-term. To commit myself, I made a Friday afternoon running date that I absolutely will not cancel.

Wednesday, November 5

Gratitude: I am so very grateful for how my husband has taken charge of our vacation planning, giving me one less stress to think about, and he knows exactly what I'm looking for: mountains, peace, quiet, as little civilization as possible, and a fireplace. Bliss, no?

Nutrition: Felt like eating my own fists off for much of today; I think I was too low yesterday given all the activity. Also, stress.
  • 515a-eggs, chicken sausage, toast, SB&J toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 745-coffee w/ CM
  • 845-7 (!) Reese's Pieces, Larabar
  • 945-even more coffee w/ CM
  • 1230p-chicken, apple
  • throughout afternoon-chocolate coconut crisps ( oh hey look, stress eating!)
  • (545-yoga)
  • 645-salad w/ avocado, SB&J plantain (thanks, Buddy!)
  • calories 2350: p 475, c 825, f 1050
Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed, 945p-5a, 87% quality. Very solid, just not enough. In late due to voting in Osakis, otherwise I probably would've been in on time. Such sacrifices to be a good citizen.

Healthy Movement: Got up feeling like hell. Aching left foot. Left core AND hip. Muscles actually feel fine, class warm-up was great other than a little squat soreness in the thighs. But those "old aches" returning are my clear sign to not run today. Le sigh. Did yoga with Holea, enjoyable & silly.

Fun & Play: Class was boisterous & fun. Drawer treat from my Buddy! Coworkers laughing and being silly, I guess so we don't cry? Email with friends, IM with Buddy. Did my best to keep perspective. Holea time. Hubs home.

Stress Management: Le crank, she is me today. So much work that I don't understand and so frustrating to spend so much time on entries that feel dumb.

Tuesday, November 4

Gratitude: I am immensely grateful for Lake Carlos State Park. Without it, I might not have fallen into this deep love affair with trails. I might still be running roads. Or I might have given up on running because I was constantly injured from those roads. I might not have fallen in love with ultras, and volunteering at them, and made all these awesome new friends. Sure I would trade LCSP for the SHT's technical difficulty in half a heartbeat, but living up there would take me away from all my peeps, and that is not an option. Having LCSP nearby is more than enough to keep me content and running happy. And running happy = happy Sabrina. Obviously.

Nutrition: Angry guts all morning and most of the afternoon. I'm honestly suspecting it's the nuts: what sadness!
  • 5a-eggs, chicken sausage, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 6-Larabar
  • 930-apple, pumpkin seeds
  • 1115-mixed nuts
  • (12p-session)
  • 2-tuna w mustard, rice crackers, Larabar
  • (545-7m run)
  • 730-chicken w BBQ sauce, SB&J toast 
  • calories 2075: p 675, c 750, f 650

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 845p-445a, 92% quality. Wouldn't call it that good, lotta tossing & turning after midnight, but always fell back solidly. Hanky woke me.

Healthy Movement: Stiff lower legs getting out of bed. Session went really well, though squats sucked a bit; I think my stance was just a little off in set 3, but Dustin held me there for set 4, no reason to push since I'm still enjoying running season. Trail run with Brian felt a little bit tough thanks to those squats, but I just reminded myself there weren't many such runs left and made it happen. I even chose the longer route when Brian asked at the 5.5 vs 7 split. Left core tightened up over the day, even creeping down into the hip like it was doing in August. Rest tomorrow, I guess.

Fun & Play: Plotting a night run greatly improved my day. Timmy back on our team. Ran into my BeloveBuddy for a nice little chat. Aaron came to my afternoon class! The lovely run with Brian, ending with a little dose of star-gazing on a clear night. (Made me wish I knew more than three simple constellations.) Voting like a good citizen, and for my pal Monica besides!

Stress Management: Work bomb dropped, no hope for avoidance: Kristen is out. So the work pile has landed on my desk, with pathetic notes, as Christopher doesn't have time to show me anything. He feels badly about the way it's happening, and of course I can't/won't be mad at him (he shares my pain), and at least I have him to ask for help when I get stuck. Which I am sure I constantly will. Ugh. I slowly worked my way through the pile, and while the morning was awful (literally felt like asking someone, anyone, for a hug), the news of a running date + a fabulous session with Dustin turned me around to make the afternoon more than tolerable. 

I am already mourning the end of Fall. It's dark when I leave work, my trails are in blackness, hard to find peeps to run with me, work is overwhelming, tax season is bearing down, starting to feel lonely & depressed already, blah blah blah. And I am missing my people. Abundant trail time with friends is disappearing, and it's already killing me. My non-running friends are very busy peeps. The hubs is still in nonstop-work mode. But I need to regularly connect with my beloveds, it is what truly keeps me going, along with hefty doses of nature. So, to survive it?

I'm constantly stopping & reminding myself to live in the now, this, hereRANOW,'s a struggle to do so. Like on my drive to NSS, I was feeling the weight of my work pile, but the smart voice in my head (who sounds very much like Joy) reminded me that I was going to one of my favorite places, with some of my favorite people, so why the fuck should I be moping about what I just left behind? I need to enjoy the shit out of that hour while I'm there. And so I did.

And it is not yet Winter, nor is it tax season, and my job is just a job, and there is no life or death involved in it. It will all be okay.

Monday, November 3

Gratitude: I am feeling grateful for my friend Joy today. She is like an older sister, unfailingly wise and thoughtful and present and kind and trustworthy and sweet, the kind of woman I want to be. She is so incredibly precious to me, a rare and priceless gem. I look forward to being old and gray with her, spending our mornings chatting over breakfast and ALL the coffee.

Nutrition: Some stress-eating this afternoon. I don't like the return of this!
  • 5a-eggs, chicken sausage, toast, coffee w/ CM
  • 6-Larabar
  • 10-apple, coconut butter, decaf (already hit my caffeinated quota!)
  • (12p-3.7m run)
  • 1-tuna w mustard, rice crackers, apple
  • 215-Larabar
  • 415-Larabar
  • 630-salad w avocado, mixed nuts
  • calories 2325: p 500, c 875, f 950

: I really wanted to add back nuts and see what happens. Face is clearing from the post-50k-week freakout, so now seems to be a good time. Plus, cheap calories, especially when I have two giant jars of mixed nuts in my pantry. Trying to save cash quickly for a mountainous vacation in December means fewer junk treats from the Grain Bin & more simple stuff. Also, jesus fuck, cashews are delicious, ya dig?

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 845p-445a, 86% quality. Solid until 2a, then choppy. Got up feeling well-rested, though.

Healthy Movement: Body feels pretty much fantastic. Right Achilles a touch tight. Felt it at the beginning of the lunch run; maybe need to wear my 50k shoes at least every other run. Stretched lower legs thoroughly on the wedge after the run, which I haven't done in ages (since I haven't been running at lunch) and it felt really good. Should certainly help to get back into this habit with lunch runs, now that I'll be desperately needing them again, for some beloved sunshine. Drove to Sauk after work for an appointment, and my left core was achey getting out of the car. Stupid sitting!

Fun & Play: 6 people in class, so many I had to add stations! No massive workpile today...yet. There is a glimmer of hope that the giant bomb may be withdrawn, but regardless, there is a pile of work to come my way. We need to find time for the current owner to teach it to me, but he has hotter priorities burning on his desktop. Lunch run in cool happy weather. One piece of FABULOUS news at work; the entire team will be thrilled to hear it, especially if the other bomb does drop.

Sunday, November 2

Gratitude: I am so very grateful for this house. The silent peaceful location, the lovely view, the yard full of sunshine, the wildlife strolling through the tree line, the space for two sweet cats AND two silly dogs, the garage full of husband-happy space, the basement full of Sabrina-happy space...all of it is about as perfect as we can get.

Nutrition: With the update on my iPad, it wants to capitalize "apple" every time I type it. And it's Honeycrisp season, so it's annoying me quite regularly. Talk about narcissistic!
430a-eggs, chicken sausage, toast, coffee w CM
8-apple, SB&J toast w CB
12-eggs, chicken sausage, toast, SB&J toast, coffee w CM
(3-5.5m run)
530-squash & onions topped with marinara, toast, apple, half pint AZ
Calories 2100: P 575, C 875, F 650

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 930p-515a (old time), 89% quality. Little choppy, but I was out solid when Hank woke me. At least he had the decency to convert to the new time. I tried napping 10a-12p, didn't feel like it was more than in/out dozing, but it was restful anyway. At some point I was dreaming about doing a muscle-up, and it was glorious!

Healthy Movement: Body feeling surprisingly good after yesterday's long run. Left outer shin is a little tender. Kept calf sleeves on all day today, too. I debated running since I'd be solo, but when I realized I wouldn't have sunny trails for a week or more, my mind was made up! It was a bit melancholy until I got my head together and soaked up the autumnal bliss. Right Achilles fine during, tight after. Shin did not react. It actually felt rather effortless after the second mile or so. Happy joy love!

Fun & Play: Abundant sunshine. Many chores accomplished, and done so early in the day. Fetch in the warm fall sun. Napping pets. Chitchat with friends. Excitedly tracking NYC marathon friends. A painless, effortless run. Husband home. 

Stress Management: In the four months since the Day of Chaos at work, there have been very many ups and downs. Up because we have the right people remaining, and good decisions being made. Down because I miss the people laid off & the folks quitting on their own, I & my people are regularly buried under piles & piles & overwhelming piles of work, and some decisions do not feel good. And now another person on our team is leaving, so work plates have to be shuffled, and much is landing on mine, and much will simply not get done, unless extra hours are put in. But my team is already burned the fuck out on extra hours, including me. I am a lead who is supposed to somehow rally these troops, but I can't even rally myself. I want to go to my own lead(s) and tell them we can't do this indefinitely, we can't ask people to continue like this, and yet, what can they do about it? The work needs to be done, and we need to find a way to make it happen. Four months of work overload behind us, and untold months coming, because not only are we short on resources NOW, we are rolling into our busiest time.

During depression-inducing winter for me. During max-stress tax season for me. 

I honestly question whether I can handle the tax firm job with this latest bomb. And yet, we need those funds unless we make some tougher life changes. More importantly, I can't back out two months before their vital time kicks in, I love those folks & won't do that to them - but may be sacrificing myself in the process. Most important of all, I can't afford to burn that bridge; what if I need them to love me because I'm jobless in another year or two?

And what the fuck kind of attitude is that?! I want to, need to, believe in this company like I used to, but I'm struggling something fierce.

I tried to work from home tonight, but the software failed me. I took that as a sign to fit my work into my logical work week, and if shit doesn't/can't get done, too bad, I still can't take it home. Shouldn't. Won't.

Saturday, November 1

Gratitude: November is all about giving thanks, so I'm going to include this addition every day in this, my most favoritest month. Today I am feeling extremely grateful for Brian. Without him, my amazing fall of running probably wouldn't exist. It started with crewing & pacing at his 100, which was some kind of pagan hippie spiritual renewal for me that rediscovered my long-lost love of running, and has thus led to PR miles & volunteering & new friends & tons of hours in nature & All The Happiness. So much bliss, all because he let me invite myself along on his epic adventure. Beyond that, it has meant a lot of time with him LCSP-ing on Sundays & after work & at 6am today, & much chitchat, and he is now a terrific addition to the already-many awesome people in my life. I'm the luckiest!

Nutrition: I made a root beer float: vanilla-flavored Arctic Zero with root beer-flavored bootch. ¡Muy delicioso!
  • 445a-eggs, chicken sausage, toast, SB&J toast, coffee
  • (6-19m run)
  • during-two toddler packs, two salt tabs, one chew 
  • 11-eggs, chicken sausage, toast, banana w applesauce, coffee
  • 4-apple
  • 5-summer sausage w rice crackers, root beer float
  • 730-SB&J toast 
  • calories 2575: p 875, c 1250, f 450
Sleep: 7 hours in bed, 930p-430a, 62% quality. In late partly due to my own dumbness and partly due to Hank out wandering and ignoring my yells; took a while to fall asleep (thanks to Clyde); I woke a LOT, but kept falling back easily, until 4a dozing; then I was dreaming about the time I joined Brian down at FANS. I think I got up at like 330a that day, so today's 430a alarm to run with Brian clearly triggered the memory. Whatever, got up rested & excited for the run. Didn't feel completely shot immediately post-run, and had coffee at second breakfast, so I didn't nap until 130-330p.

Healthy Movement: Got up feeling pretty great, slightly anxious about the run as I pulled into LCSP, but it honestly couldn't have gone much better. 19 miles! Should've brought water & calories on lap one, but I knew that going into lap two a little behind would feel much like lap three on race day, thus good training. If so, it's going to work out pretty well! I was a bit slower in lap two with more walking, but not much: just 5-10 minutes over my lap with Brian, on the exact same route. 

I suspect that Dustin eliminating my SL TB DLs on Thursday really was a genius move, as glutes & hams felt tons better than usual for such distance. Which is excellent to directly connect, since I had told myself I couldn't NOT do 20, I had traded away deadlifts for those miles! Finished with sore feet & hips, slight ache in outer shins (left more than right), but nothing that feels concerning. Normal aches & pains. It's not sounding outlandish to think I could run again tomorrow night. Soaked in the hot tub when I got home, just to warm back up: felt fantabulous. Compression sleeves on lower legs all day/night, but I turned into a sloth. Right Achiles did tighten up, as did left core.

Fun & Play: A solid 9.5 miles with Brian, both pleasant talk & pleasant silence, followed by another 9.5 during which I stayed upbeat & excited about the whole run. No bitchy voice in my head to battle! Finishing 19 miles feeling good. No injuries. Three hours in nature! Fetch with pooches. Naptime. Clyde snuggles. Catching up on funny TV. Hubs time. I think I win at today. 

Nature: The run in the dark was lovely, but I certainly would have been more hesitant without Brian's crazy-bright headlamp. (Mine is just sad in comparison.) Enjoyed the change to frozen muddy spots, satisfying crunch over fearful slippage. Saw many deer, including one I'm pretty sure I roused three separate times at the beginning of my second lap. Distractingly gorgeous sunrise. Enjoyable chill. Sun streaming into the house all day. Bit of time in the sunshine while playing fetch, just sitting & soaking it up.