Tuesday, October 28

Nutrition: Finally remembered to bring CM to work. Coconut milk latte w/ cinnamon is now possible. NOMS.
  • 515a-eggs, chicken sausage, toast, coffee w CM
  • 7-coffee w CM
  • 945-apple, Larabar
  • (12p-Dustin session)
  • 130-chicken, banana, Renola
  • (515-5.8m run)
  • 7-summer sausage, rice crackers, SB&J toast, apple
  • calories 2125: p 775, c 900, f 450

Acne: I haven't mentioned that my face freaked the fuck out late last week into this week. Seems too late to be related to the 50k or the massive sugar boost that day. But I had too much crap that following week, in the name of recovery, and I think that's causing it. So, sugar immediately burned may be okay, but sugar lingering in the system, not so much. Does that make sense? Maybe?

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 915p-5a, 81% quality. Solid as hell until 3a, then out for one more cycle until Hanky found the ants in his pants. It's gonna be SO super awesome next week when he's waking me up at 4a every day. UGH.

Healthy Movement: Body feeling good. Still have the tight Achilles, switched shoes for today's run. Perhaps just too many miles in minimals directly after the 50k. Session went pretty damned awesome. Squats a bit of a struggle, but upper body in fabulous form. Ran more lovely trail miles and they were about as hard as yesterday. Nice! Probably be feeling today's squats en la manana, though I wonder if the run helps prevent it or worsens it.
Fun & Play: Productive work day. Session with Timmy. After excitedly getting ready for afternoon class, disappointingly no one showed up. But I convinced a coworker to come to the trails with me, and it was the farthest and hardest he's ever ran, what FUN to take someone to that level!

Good chat today with CP on his next challenge, and "race mode" vs "have fun mode", which led me to think more about how I'm quite happy that I am NOT in race mode anymore. While doing well, it was a total blast, but once I wasn't doing so well anymore, once I was overreaching and underfueling and aaallll the stupid stuff...the fun was gone, no more love of running, it was now a source of stress, and that loss SO completely shattered me. I can't go back to that place. Can. Not. So maybe I'm over-avoiding race mode, but I'd rather be definitely safe than risk losing this love again. My bucket is overflowing beyond belief.

Temperance: This morning I realized I was being one of those people that I fucking HATE. I got a text from Brian that he wouldn't run with me tonight after all, needs another recovery day. I immediately got all, "But last chance this week for us, my September BK miles are currently higher than October, we can't let that stand, etc." Basically trying to guilt him into joining me so that I'm not solo again, because running with friends is ALWAYS better than running with the voices in my head. An understandable gut reaction, but so childish - and selfish as hell.

The dude doesn't need peer pressure to join me - I know he'd rather run with me than not; he's being smart about his limitations and I need to shut the fuck up about it. Yes, go ahead & be disappointed, but don't say shit that may make him feel badly for ditching me. Thankfully I realized what I was doing and immediately apologized. Thankfully he didn't care. (Boys are great.)

But it KILLS ME when people do it to me, and I hate that I was doing it to someone else in the very exact same way. I promised, and I will do my best to hold to that promise, that I won't do it again. Even if he's fine with me saying shit like that, I AM NOT. I do not want to be that asshole, to him or to anyone. Fuck that person.

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