Friday, August 1

Nutrition: Food log time, bitchez! If this doesn't get you to stop reading my bullshit, nothing will.
  • 545a-eggs, toast, chicken sausage, bacon, sweet potato, coffee w coconut oil
  • 8a-coffee with coconut milk
  • 1030a-Larabar, MOAR COFFEE
  • 130p-Larabar
  • 430-mixed nuts
  • 6-Daiya pizza, kombucha
  • 2525 calories, 300p/1575c/750f (I very roughly estimate all this)
This is more than needed today, but I'm playing catch-up and also eating ahead for tomorrow's run. 

Acne: Rather fierce right now. I suspect it's all the Larabars adding up to too much sugar. Once again, I am struggling big time to fuel all my activities without sugar.

Sleep: 9.5 (!) hours in bed, 8p-530a, 79% quality. Actually seemed better than that; I woke at midnight & 2a, but then not again until Hanky demanded me at 530a. God fucking damn, did I need that. I still got up tired and cranky, still not myself, but physically better at least.

Healthy Movement: Left Achilles was still concerningly tight getting out of bed. Both hamstrings are now so GD tight that they hurt as I walk. Rest day was on the docket regardless, in anticipation of the long run tomorrow. I'm thinking Glacial Lakes, far enough away to force me into a long time out there, even if I'm just walking to get the time in. Plus, it's always utterly empty of people, pure peace & quiet. No fucking lawn mowers or panting-in-my-face dogs! I did log a tiny short walk with Holea and Mitzi, though probably not even a mile, as The Mitz kept overheating and diving into the shaded grass.

Fun & Play: Not much until late, finally a quiet evening, reading, enjoying the yard & weather. 

Stress Management: I broke again today. It was another frustrating day of work, just angry with the immense amount of work, upset with myself at being unable to tell the CFO how frustrated I am (purely because I would've started bawling), being asked a million questions so I can't get my pile done, being incapable of helping someone (to whom I gave a giantly important task) when I should be able to help him because the tasks used to be done by my own direct report. (Her old lead would've been more than capable of helping!) Shit like that.

Then I left early; it was a couple hours later than my usual Friday early-out time, it was after logging a full 7 hours, also after logging 40 for the week by yesterday, yet I still felt guilty.

I went to NSS, desperately wanting to avoid going in on Sunday, as I really need some down time, obviously so. But Dustin kicked me out. He had a big-ass problem person coming in to deal with, and didn't want me there for it. While I definitely didn't want to be there for it either, I was fucking crushed. I get to feel guilty for ditching TS early and then I can't even get my NSS work done?! Lose-lose. 

Tried to salvage it by walking with Holea, but that was all her unloading on me about this problem person. Again, understandingly so, actually a scary situation and she was quite worked up & worried, but it was more on my shoulders (because of course I absorb her feelings and carry them as my own) that I simply couldn't carry. I cried all the way home, once again a broken, shattered disaster.

The hubs was home to soothe me and I tried to get my shit together. I realized I'd had little water and not nearly enough food, had missed lunch entirely. So I mowed down some mixed nuts and then went digging for real grub, only to drive to the Grain Bin for a junk-food shopping fiesta. Hence, the pizza, which was exactly needed. 

That worked to turn my brain around some. I was in a better place after that, even hung out on the deck, played fetch with Lexi, didn't scream at anyone or cry anymore. So that was a plus. Still, it was tenuous. I wished I had worked at TS longer, or did my NSS work in Steve's office, or came home to nap instead of walking with Holea, etc.

And here I go into a busy weekend. Wish me luck.

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