Tuesday, July 1

So.

This blog. 

It serves me well as a journal, but I don't think it really serves anyone else. And there are things I want to share, article-wise, or my own writing, that I don't think anyone will see (besides Joy) as long as I keep this a journal. So I've started a new blog for recommended reading & occasional writing, and I'll direct you there as soon as I get around to actually posting at least one of the many half-assed drafts I've saved on this blog. And then, this one shall remain a journal of nonsense for me, maybe Joy, and probably no one else, to continue reading. Stay tuned. 

Nutrition: Easy, but again I felt a little shaky and quickly-fatigued in my session. More carbs. But no sugary carbs, no sir. Le sigh. (Oh, guess what happens when this reverts to full journal, Joy? Food log in the hizzy!)

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 915p-515a, 85% quality. Better than it has been; didn't fall asleep until at least 10p, but didn't wake up until 4a; dozed there onward, until Hank's whining and trotting woke me in full, even through ear plugs.

Healthy Movement: Body is feeling good besides tight Achilles. Session went well, love the return of snatches & dips, but I'm goddamn tired of misses on the bench press. Why not drop the weights and get me some volume? I thought Jim would rather see you keep one in the tank than go to failure, especially not even reaching the prescribed reps, never mind the pluses. I'll have to ask what the reasoning is here. Being I haven't actually read the book or anything, I shouldn't assume I get it.

Fun & Play: Busy work day. Session. Buddy, though not enough of her. Plotting the weekend up at Voyageur with Brian K at the end of July. We're going to work an aid station on Saturday and run some SHT on Sunday. Can't wait! Quiet night at home, though I really wanted to do yoga with my Holea. 

Temperance: Still feeling sad and excluded from the party. Since I was invited to one group thing, then another group thing, I was feeling like part of the family, but then I wasn't invited to the next thing with the rest of the group, even though all of it was in the same damn week. That feeling of finally belonging was given and then immediately pulled back away from me, and thus it hurts far more than if I'd been excluded from all of the events.

Also feeling very frustrated and even confused by certain people for whom I do a lot of nice things...little things, but still very nice generous thoughtful things...and I receive not only nothing in return (that's not the reason I do it) but also zero thanks. Zero acknowledgment, even. Do I quit doing things for those folks who don't seem to appreciate it one bit, or do I keep doing it, because their reaction has nothing to do with me (channeling the Second Agreement here)? Generous is just the kind of person I choose to be, naturally am, regardless of whether I receive appreciation for it...but it's far more gratifying to do things for people who appreciate it. I just don't see why it's so fucking hard to say thanks. 

On both of these, I am trying tell myself to put the water down. It's very difficult today, and I don't know why.

On a positive note, I changed one of my goals today. It's one I have been ignoring as "from the past" and not pursuing, knowing it's not realistic, or at least, not worth sacrificing my health &/or sanity to reach. It used to be "15% body fat" and now I've changed it to say "A healthy body that maintains its ideal size without effort." Obviously "without effort" doesn't mean I'm going to stop lifting and running and moving and expect to be healthy. It means that I will do All The Things that I feel like doing, and I will eat well enough to fuel my movement, and my body will be whatever it will be. It creates an unwritten goal of being able to just eat, without obsessive tracking. Some day, please, yes, that.

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