Wednesday, July 30

Nutrition: Hangry today. It didn't even occur to me that working until 8pm meant I should bring something to eat. How do I of all people forget such a thing?!

Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed, 9p-415a, 70% quality. Hubs came home around 3a, and I dozed in/out (mostly awake) until I gave up. UGH. Got up very tired, but doing okay mentally. However, I very quickly realized my stress capacity was drained to nearly nothing thanks to the crap sleep.

Healthy Movement: Got up with extremely tight & somewhat sore lower legs, plus a little left foot & ankle ache. During class I crouched a lot specifically to stretch both Achilles, seemed to help a little. Debated heavily what to do about noon run, because the soreness was enough to be concerning. Was last night "bonus miles" or was it my Wednesday run, done a day early? Teetering between "push on through" vs "avoid injury" and ARGH. My solution was KB swings. Lots & lots of 'em, out in the sunshine. Lesson learned: one should always take kettlebells outdoors.

Fun & Play: Class outside on the back patio, although I really wanted to JOIN IN! 5 pairs of new trail-running Merrells were delivered to my front door today! Didn't get the box opened, but it's on the Thursday night schedule. Noon dose of sunshine. Rest of the day, see "Stress Management," yo. Ugh.

Stress Management: An overwhelming day. As the pending month-end madness stares down at us, and we're already behind, I got dumped with yet another demand for my time. Meanwhile, just yesterday the CFO proclaimed we weren't supposed to work 25% more hours but rather do 25% less of the work we were doing before 7/8. Yet the tasks we're all picking up are things we have to slowly fumble through so we take 25% longer than the former doers. So, I find myself both working 25% more and getting dumped with even more extra unforeseen work, too. I am drowning. DROWING.

Plus, my weekend is filling up with commitments; although they are all good ones (trails, lift, work at NSS [because I goddamn well can't leave early on Friday the 1st], see a play with friends, celebrate goddaughter's birthday on go-karts), when oh when the FUCK do I get to just goddamn CHILL?

Tuesday, July 29

Nutrition: New habit to get in the calories: eat a Larabar on the way to work. It is getting me up where I need to be, at least. Especially being so nonstop busy at work, I am not getting in the snacks that I should.

Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed, 915-430a, 90% quality. Took a while to fall asleep, then woke at 4a tossing & turning until I gave up. Still, felt pretty darn rested.

Healthy Movement: Feeling good! Session went well, though I was frustrated by the tiny drop in pull-ups. Poor me, I know. After work I had to take Pepe to get a flat fixed, with the prospect of an hour to kill but zero reading material or work I could take with me, I decided to log a bonus run. It went only okay, but it was better than sitting around being bored. 

Fun & Play: Morning productivity. Session with my Buddy. Super cool gifts from NSS! Busy afternoon. Crossing Pepe's needs off my to-do list was a relief. Quiet evening at home with pooches.

Monday, July 28

Nutrition: Got my salads made tonight, ready for the week!

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 9p-445a, 81% quality. Super solid; woke briefly around 1a, dozed 4a onward. Got up feeling rested.

Healthy Movement: Little stiff lower legs & feet, all else good. Ran downhills, same number as last Monday but I ran partway back up each time today. Will work on increasing both little by little over the next few months.

Fun & Play: Fun class. Productive morning, things are getting less frustrating! Nice little memorial service for a team member meant time outside, even if it was a bit chilly. Lunch run. Insanely productive afternoon. Time flew by like a jet! Fetch with pooches and spare time to read besides, how lovely!

Sunday, July 27

Nutrition: Appropriately hungry and properly fueled.

Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed, 1045p-6a, 77% quality. More like the 98% it registered yesterday. I was out like a light, never heard the hubs come home, woke maybe twice feeling overheated but immediately fell back. Glad Hanky let me sleep in. Napped 130-330p.

Healthy Movement: Just a little lower-leg stiffness, which is a good thing. Still, I kept procrastinating on a lifting workout. Lately that has been my sign to skip it, take it easy. But what about that pull-up goal? So I did upper body only, three moves, and the bench was just as tough as I expected which is to say, I felt like a weak noob. Still, I got what I could, including 45 pulls, which is better than nada.

By the end of the day, noticed that feet are a little sore, core is stiff, and I have some dumb bruises from the fall, but nothing major. Ordered five new pairs of trail Merrells so I can hopefully pick one and return four, and have something perfect for the SHT and nicely broken in by the time I return--in five short weeks. Eep!

Fun & Play: A quiet, coffee-filled morning, enjoying open windows and cool fall weather. This sure doesn't help me cope with heat, but I fucking love temps in the 60s. All my chores done. Lots of pet time, little bit of hubs time, two chores knocked out. Almost got hammock time in, but that's when rain decided to come down. Damn!

Saturday, July 26

Nutrition: Camping breakfast of bacon, eggs, yams, & coffee: perfect! Lunch at the Duluth Grill was a bomb-ass salad with handmade balsamic vinaigrette thus true olive oil! Didn't feel the slightest bit deprived. Snacks on the trip home. But I realized I've GOT to start figuring out what can go into my belly on a long trail run. MUST have things I can eat at aid stations or in drop bags, as I don't know that I'll have any kind of crew there.

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 1015p-6a, 98% quality. That's as far off as it could be. I was expecting to see 50% or less! Must have been the stiff camper mattress didn't register my tossing & turning. Took a while to fall asleep due to heat, then I woke up constantly: had too-big ear plugs so they hurt, thus I popped out the right one at some point, which meant I could hear the train whistle several times, ugh. Woke up at a very uncomfortable angle but somehow my neck didn't stay stiff, whew!

Healthy Movement: Got up feeling better than expected. Stood all morning at aid station, felt fine.

We ate lunch and then headed up to Gooseberry, to trek the start for Brian's 100-miler. It was very hot heading out for our run, but I was hopeful since I felt pretty good. But the run was the fucking worst. It was a 20-minute walk in the sun before we even hit the start which didn't help things. Then we ran two miles of direct sun & the [new] usual out-of-whack breathing, and just as things began to settle, I felt my legs telling me they were tired, the heat began to really hit me, my hands got fat, and justlikethat I was SO fucking over it. I realized I'd had almost no water while working the aid station, since I had wanted to avoid needing to use the woods. It was 80-ish, which shouldn't be that bad for late July, but I've had few hot runs this cool summer, thus I have zero acclimation. So many reasons for it to go poorly, and it did. Humbling and frustrating. I was having no fun and felt like a pathetic little wimp, knowing Brian totally could have done the full two hours we'd planned. Of course he was perfectly understanding but it was frustrating to hold him back when he needs all the SHT miles he can find.

I have serious work to do before pacing Brian in his 100, which is just 6 weeks away. Luckily I only have to get to around 15 miles, tops. But that's not much time, given a couple weekends of social stuff like Terri's visit or the Marthaler gathering. Yikes; I MUST prioritize the running over the lifting sessions each weekend, and also reduce them to strictly bench & pull and that is IT.

Post-run we cooled off for a bit in the river, which helped, as did the bottle of ice-cold water I slammed as soon as we reached the cooler. Drive back was long, we stopped a few times and getting out I felt so damned stiff - any movement felt good. Shoulders/neck got the worst of it, reading probably exacerbated the usual awful vehicle posture.

Fun & Play: Aid station was a great time, refueling badass runners while hanging in the woods in the shade and NOT killing myself on the trail. Fabulous lunch. Pre-run excitement. River standing. Finished a book. Got home to overjoyed pooches and SHOWERED and slept in my OWN BED and snuggled with my kittehs.

Friday, July 25

Nutrition: Ate an entire pizza for lunch as SHT prep. Was not sure it would do much good, but worth a tasty try, yo. Supper was a snack assortment of summer sausage on rice crackers, snap peas, and kombucha. You know, as all campers do.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 915p-515a, 82% quality. Relatively good, woke at 330a, tossed & turned for a bit, but fell back and slept solidly to a natural wake up. Somehow even Hanky was sleeping in today, nice! Sleepy on drive up north, but that's par for a long ride for me.

Healthy Movement: Felt sore and achey from the get-go. Oops. Stood at NSS all morning, then sat in a truck for way too long on the way up north. SHT run felt tough to start, then awesome. Happiness.

Fun & Play: Morning at NSS. Saw my Buddy and Supergirl. Ran into now-former coworker Marty and chatted a nice long while at the grocery store. Tripping up north to enjoy a lovely run on the SHT. Enjoying a campfire at a podunk little campground. 

Thursday, July 24

Nutrition: I ate a lot today - and a lot of Larabars again - but it seemed easy to get the calories in.

Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed, 930p-445a, 82% quality. Yeah. In too late due to time with hubs, up too early due to antsy Hank. At least it was solid.

Healthy Movement: Got up feeling surprisingly good. Thought I'd feel some achiness from SUP-ing. Somehow I am not even sore from squats this week, either...until the morning progressed. I was feeling them by session time, but then the soreness went away, probably in the PR glow. After work, hit LCSP for a short but delightful outing.

Fun & Play: So super productive this morning, fewer interruptions. Still a lot of frustrations, but a lot of progress at least. Fabulous session with my beastie. The newbie & I managed our first check run with only minimal hiccups! Not enough, but SOME, time to chat with Timmy before she disappears for her week of vacation. Running in the woods and seeing TWO precious deer! That will never ever get old, I swear.

Temperance: I been gettin' posty over here:

Wednesday, July 23

Nutrition: Today my LAPW lunch amounted to about 200 calories. Happy to be a speaker who didn't need to pay, just to come back and eat my own food. But: lame.

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 845p-5a, 76% quality. Up at 3a for water, bathroom, took just long enough to fall back that I considered getting back up for grub, but I fell back and dreamed heavily until the alarm buzzed me up.

Healthy Movement: A mid-week rest day: whoa! LAPW took my lunch run, and SUP-ing with Holea after work meant I couldn't do it then. But I will have some sweet weekend mileage on the SHT so I think I'll be okay. Plus I should probably rest up before that so it doesn't 100% suck, right? Honestly, I'm feeling quite proud that I didn't do my class this morning. Outside, metcon-style bodyweight stuff, yet I resisted. It also gave me a perfect hair day, so, double bonus!

Fun & Play: Class. Productive morning thanks to a team member who volunteered her services to help with A/P. LAPW meeting & being on the panel, plus carpooling with Monica K. Productive work afternoon, best since the eruption, I'd say. SUP-ing was delightful. Short but quiet eve at home, including fetch with pooches.

Tuesday, July 22

Nutrition: Thanks to my alarm dog, I was ready for work 15 minutes too early. So I decided that was a perfect time to have my first snack: before half the town is even awake! I never imagined it would be so challenging to get enough calories. I need to start slathering EVERYTHING in coconut oil, because once again: 4 Larabars in one day. 

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 9p-430a, 72% quality. Solid but Hanky needed out extra early this morning for no good reason. Well, maybe he had a good reason, but I didn't. Ugh.

Healthy Movement: Core thingy is tight only after sitting. Solution: stay upright! Got a little bit of an angry right wrist, thumb-related tendon issue. Mild, but worth remembering. Also worth remembering: right IT/knee a little angry on 2nd Prowler pull. (Gulp.) Otherwise session was great, squat & bench rep PRs.

Fun & Play: Cool morning. Great session that ended with a WONDERFUL chat with Mary, made the work insanity more tolerable to see she is in a good place. Busy busy busy afternoon but everyone was in good spirits.

Monday, July 21

Nutrition: Since I have been doing my food logs by the month, I'll finish out July and then the daily food logs move right here. Stay tuned for that RIVETING information. (No, don't. God.)

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 845p-445a, 82% quality. Took ages to fall asleep due to monkey mind. Up (h/s/g) at 1a for bathroom, coooold water, half a Larabar (out of macaroons). Then in/out 3a onward. No idea why other than perhaps serious humidity made me roasting hot. Bleah.

Healthy Movement: Tight left Achilles, the left core is much improved, just vaguely there. Super awesome heat wave, so I did downhills for lunch. Wanted 6, gave up at 5. Still, not bad for someone who is anti-80F+. Long, long day. 5p was a shock to see, left work at 530p once again, after getting there at 630a: long day.

Fun & Play: Class was fun. Morning was only somewhat productive, but my newbie & I are learnin', and lots of people out meant many fewer emails for once. Afternoon was constant chaos but we did make progress. Crashed at home. Brain wuz so totes dead. Spent the eve hanging with my pets watching, of all things, The Baby-Sitters Club movie. Hellooo, 1995!

Sunday, July 20

Nutrition: Oddly hungry today despite little movement. Carryover from yesterday's run?

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 945p-545a, 77% quality. Pretty sound, but woke up to Hanky running across the bed to wake me up. What a jerk! Napped 1-3p or so, vivid dream about riding a self-driving bleacher stand to the Cities, right on down the interstate. And I woke in a panic thinking I had overslept for my Monday-morning class. What the what?

Healthy Movement: Lower legs tight, left Achilles especially, and left core/hip area tightened any time I sat for long. Rest of body felt fine but very MEH and lethargic. Stood at NSS all morning, and once I got home I felt sleepy, despite a can of caffeinated Zevia on the way home. Even more tired after nap, so I nixed my lifting plan. Instead, went for 8 sets of 5 pulls. I had done 4 sets throughout an hour, then got sidetracked with my financials, so I logged 15 in 5 minutes by doing a 5-4-3-2-1 with 60s spacing. And then another 5 later. Might just do three sets of that ladder on the weekends that I don't lift, to add some mild intensity to the pulls. Also remembered to hang upside down a couple times, still rather disorienting.

Fun & Play: Did some fun work at NSS in the AM, even got to see Dawn & hubs. Peace & quiet at home, including a nap, delicious. Playing with the retirement planned built into my Quicken, that I didn't even know existed despite using it since 2001! Some work on the other blog. Few fetch outings with the pooches.

Saturday, July 19

Nutrition: Today I was craving a Subway salad for some reason, but I avoided the oil/vinegar combo after attempting to Google whether it is actually olive oil, and being unable to figure it out. And later as I dug further on their website I discovered the motherfucking CHICKEN has soy. Goddamn all of it.

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 9p-545a, 66% quality. Oof, not that bad, though definitely not asleep until 10p, and then awake 2-3a (up for macaroon, water, bathroom). Napped about 2-4p, solidly.

Healthy Movement: Got up feeling creaky and worried about the run. When I popped out of the car at the rest stop on the drive there, I was even more jacked up. Yikes! But somehow the 10m run was perfectly awesome; started out feeling a little fast/tough, but got easier every mile. Nice! In the eve, felt the return of the strain on my left hip/core, but rest of the body felt pretty great.

Fun & Play: Great run. Visited parents helped dad chuck wood up into the top of the pile, and it was easy peasy! Laziness. New blog posts. Fetch. Catching up on Jimmy with Clyde in my lap.

Friday, July 18

Nutrition: Another whole pizza to fuel a long run. Worked great last time I ran at SJU!

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 845p-530a, 100% quality. I don't know about THAT, but it was quite solid. Woke up wishing for more but feeling rested.

Healthy Movement: Body feels good. Rest day due to 10-miler in the AM, but I made time for a fantastic sunshine walk with my Buddy. 

Fun & Play: Caribou visit in the morning, and a gifted Americano to my Buddy. Carried two 20-lb bags if bird seed from one end of fleet to the other. Easily, bitches! Time with Joy.

Finished the new blog set-up and added the first post, because when it landed in my email this morning, it a super-dee-duper obvious sign to share it, as negative self-talk is probably my biggest issue. That means this will become even more journal-like and mind-numbingly narcissistic. So, get out of here and clicky:

Look what I will do!

Stress Management: Work was better today. Fewer meetings, thus more stuff accomplished, and a better attitude thanks to more sleep.

Thursday, July 17

Nutrition: Dear dry-roasted almonds: you are the highlight of my week. Perhaps even better than the pull-up PR!

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 915p-530a, 73% quality. Woke at 10p to a barking Lexi, probably deer in the back yard, but being home alone it was a little scary...yet I was too tired to do anything besides yell at her. Was awake 2a-3a, kinda, again too tired to really wake up or even check the clock. Got up feeling tired yet. That's just peachy.

Healthy Movement: Body feels good. Session actually felt really good, but since it was deload, we didn't push anything too hard besides pull-ups. (PR!) Still, I skipped the ROUS track workout; I was feeling like I'd be better off skipping it than doing it. Le sigh. Went home like a wise one.

Fun & Play: Session. I came up with a brilliant solution to our team's physical location, which was causing all kinds of stressful anxiety. Tough & lovely li'l pink flower growing right on the damn cobblestone outside TS made me clap with delight. Hubs home. Lovely weather.

Stress Management: Tired and stressed about work before I even got there. Truly not doing so well coping, keeping perspective, being in the moment, etc, this week. Spent my morning overwhelmed and super cranky. Session helped turn things around and get me on an upward spiral.

Wednesday, July 16

Nutrition: Quick shortcut breakfast (so I had time to fetch team rolls before class) and damn, I missed my eggs. Bright spot to the work upheaval: a spot on the farm-fresh egg distribution list has opened up, and I have slid in! Sad to lose the person of course, and would happily trade every egg to undo it all.

Sleep: 7 hours in bed, 945p-445a, 53% quality: yep. Wide awake at 2a, got up for macaroon, water, bathroom, but then took at least an hour to fall back. At 3a I was debating just getting up, but I managed to fall back. UGH. Fuck you, monkey brain! I did eat 2100 calories yesterday, come on, that should be enough to get decent sleep, just maybe not exactly feel fabulous.

Healthy Movement: Got up feeling pretty damned great but wary of the shitty sleep, so at 530a, Holea & I agreed there should only be an eve walk: no sprints or hills or such nonsense. I did go on a longer lunch run than my usual, because I had convinced myself it would be stress release. It was, thank the bebe hey zeus. Mitzi walk after work was nice; I was half hoping Holea would cancel, but glad she didn't. I felt better after than before. More of that, please!

Fun & Play: A good run. A fun meeting. A nice walk. Being asked to be on a panel at the next LAPW meeting, which is about fitness. Me!

Stress Management: WORK. I felt a lot better about this chaos last week. This week I'm goddamn drowning; I don't know how the hell we will get shit done and I feel like I know nothing and I keep getting dragged down in stupid side topics that DON'T MATTER and it's killing me hard. But it's so fucking incredibly impossible to complain about my job because I HAVE ONE and feel like a giant asshole anytime I think "This sucks!" Desperately hoping a night of good sleep will restore my hope.

Tuesday, July 15

Nutrition: Better snacks, I think I only had one Larabar today. Much improved.

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 9p-545a, 98% quality. Fuckin' glorious!!

Healthy Movement: Tight lower legs, tight lats (still?!), otherwise feeling good. Session was very different: deload weights, but high intensity - and I loved it!

Fun & Play: Session was good, happy to see my Buddy. SUP-ing was fantastic, easier & more fun than I expected, plus I got to see my Buddy and paddle out with her fun kiddo! Lovely.

Stress Management: I declined a job offer from the tax firm...again. I love the place, and I love the people, but I'm preferring TS. Even in the chaos. Please please please let this be the right decision.

Finally told Dustin to please stop with the wake surfing stuff. He claims to get why, but I don't know if he really does. I don't know that he can possibly even begin to comprehend how ridiculously sensitive I am to shit like that, after a lifetime of it.

Got home to see I hadn't received 51 emails at work all afternoon. Fuck. Me.

Monday, July 14

Nutrition: Jesus Aitch, I ate four Larabars today. I love them, but BLEAH. Desperately need to hit Target for the mixed nuts, and need to remember to bring fruit to work. Woman cannot live on Larabars alone!

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 915p-445a, 78% quality. Woke at 3a & dozed in/out there onward. Got up feeling decent.

Healthy Movement: Still sore. Did class warm-up at least, and it wasn't awful. Lunch run actually felt pretty damned good, as it was with Lisa, and much more lovely than solo would have been. After work, met Holea for a Mitzi walk, and was tired & chilly to start, but it got better. Happy I did it.

Fun & Play: Class. Lunch run. Chaos is being managed. All of my people here are fantastic. Holea & Mitzi time.

Sunday, July 13

Nutrition: Consciously made myself load up on fats & protein today. Carbs were easy...aren't they always?

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 945p-545a, 90% quality. Solid until 3a, in/out after that. Also napped 3-4p or so.

Healthy Movement: Still sore, but has mostly transitioned to tightness instead of outright pain. Upper body is still tight as well, so I took another rest day. See how wise I am getting! I did grind out 6 sets of 5 ring pull-ups (and they were a GRIND) throughout the day, and did many loaded carries as we dismantled the greenhouse & I hauled the boards to the wood pile. 

Fun & Play: Didn't leave home. Greenhouse dismantling. Fetch, many times. Sunshine on a cool day. Green grass under my bare feet. Emails with Tim U about ideas for next year's Relay and involving ROUS in an awesome way.

Saturday, July 12

Nutrition: Got up starving. I calculated yesterday's intake was only around 2000. Decided I need protein for my aching legs, carbs to replenish all my stores, and fats to soothe my hormones from freaking out in, obviously, Eat All The Things. Early on I struggled, as I was easily full, but then I got a pizza in me, noms!

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 730a-345p, 89% quality. That's too generous. I slept soundly until 1130a, when I got up for the bathroom and a thermostat adjustment, and decided I should probably eat. I debated staying up and just getting an afternoon nap but got very sleepy as soon as I had food in my belly, so back to bed I went. Can't believe I slept that late, but it was in/out for that second half, definitely not solid. Pretty sleepy all afternoon/eve.

Healthy Movement: Bottoms of my feet hurt very much so, though oddly the tops are normal, visible toe tendons. Lower legs are tight but quads are still sore as hell, stairs hurt both directions, and upper body is a touch tight, though that's the good kind of hurt. Used The Stick and even light pressure hurt the quads, though on the lower legs it felt good. I basically did nothing. Sat at computer to do bills, sat on couch watching TV, just a brief time playing fetch was my only movement. Probably would've benefitted to walk a little, but I was very tired.

Fun & Play: Glad I got so much sleep. Good and lazy day, happy I was smart enough to make zero plans.

Friday, July 11

Nutrition: I most certainly did not eat enough. Did reasonably well keeping on top of intake through 9p or so, but as night fell, I got busy in a rhythm of walking, drinking coffee, playing games, and didn't eat until I was legit hungry at 3a. Thus when I got home and just wanted to shower & sleeeeep, I was gut-wrenchingly hungry. Ugh.

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 945p-530a, 73% quality. I have no damn idea why I went to bed so late. Dumb! I also woke at 245a, h/s/g, for bathroom, water, macaroon. Was tossing & turning through 330a. Logged an effort at a nap from about 3-4p. Bah. Didn't carry out my pre-Relay strategy at all!

Healthy Movement: Got up with quads still as sore as hell. Trained with Dustin at 7a, not my comfortable lifting time, and just 18 hours since my last session finished, oof. Didn't push too hard on the weights, and it went pretty damned well, considering. Stood all morning at NSS (should've sat, what was I thinking?) then my afternoon was lazy, and then Relay, where I never sat down except in the bathroom and when I moved my car & changed Vibrams. Otherwise I was on my feet the entire 12.5 hours I was there. Began walking consistently about 9p.

Fun & Play: Session with my Buddy. NSS all morning. Lunch with Holea at Trav's. Nap. Relay!

Our TS crowd was of course sadly thin, but having almost all of my NSS peeps there made it much more fun; I kept getting sidetracked talking with them. Emma was as excited as always, Gracie had fun, it was nice chatting with Marky, my own parents came for the first time ever (so the Schloegl family came back to see them), I made a hilarious new friend in Tim, I spent hours talking with my running peeps (5 showed up over the course of the night) including Sawtooth details with Brian, and CJ & I had tons of fun with games, push-ups, pull-ups, etc. I even felt good & energized at clean-up (except those quads) and would've gone to breakfast but again got sidetracked talking with my NSS peeps until I realized I began fading and just needed to go. home. to. bed.

Thursday, July 10

Nutrition: It's hard to keep up your intake when you never stop to breathe, nor have adequate snacks on hand.

Sleep: 7.75 hour in bed, 930p-545a, 67% quality. That's not right, it was tons better than that. Like 87%!

Healthy Movement: Super tight Achilles upon waking, but normalized quickly. I've been putting all my miles on wearing Vibrams lately, so this is great to ONLY have early-morning tightness. Session went pretty damn well to start - squats good (though hard), pull-ups kicked motherfucking ASS; bench was disappointing, but that's because the weights are too damn aggressive, and I did not internalize today's failures somehow. And, I got to do dips! My quads hurt like mofos, turned into total whining bitches within a couple hours. Seriously, what? Usually that takes a couple days.

After work, went on a hilly run; was supposed to be repeats, but frankly none of the hills felt worthy. Was fun to cruise with Bill and chat about his running & smarts & just hang with someone so like my logical side, but not so damned emotional.

Fun & Play: Session with my favorites. Enjoyable run. Energizing workday - tons to do, the big rocks are being climbed, we're going to be okay.

Stress Management: SO MANY BIG ROCKS.

Just breathe.

Today I worked on trying to find a way to tell people this: some of the folks cut on Tuesday had LIVED AND BREATHED TS for years. It was their life, their identity, their worth. Yet their position was determined to be extraneous despite that utter devotion. This is a good lesson.

This is serious perspective for we who remain, and anyone working anywhere: yes, we love this company; yes, we love our coworkers; yes, we love our jobs; but THIS IS A JOB. It is not our life, not our identity, not who we are. Be willing to bust ass temporarily, absolutely, we need it now more than ever; but do not, do fucking NOT, bust ass indefinitely. It simply isn't worth it.

When you're at work, yes, please commit yourself. But when your hours are up, drop the worries, leave them right at that desk, and walk the fuck away; you'll pick them up again tomorrow. But leave them there each night.

Go home. Go play. Go love. Be there, fully present, in YOUR LIFE.

Wednesday, July 9

Nutrition: Feels entirely unimportant, yet I'm likely to eat far too little if I don't keep tracking.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 930p-530a, 86% quality. Got back up at 10p to take a Benadryl and calm the mind. Solid right until 530a, thankfully. Going to need it.

Healthy Movement: Body is feeling great, but I'm well aware of the stress toll. And it's Lisa's birthday, so I made sure we went out together at noon, but we only ran 1 mile then walked almost another as we talked and talked and talked. After work, met Holea and Mitzi for a really long walk, more talk and talk and talk, and lovely bonus therapy regarding the layoff.

Fun & Play: Got outside. Lisa and Holea & Mitzi. Somehow ran into Emma & Gracie at Big Ole after our walk & I chatted with them a good bit. Successful check run printed. My remaining/new team has an amazingly good attitude. Tiny dose of husband time.

Stress Management: Tons of work to do, tons of things to figure out, tons of decisions to be made. Tons of mountains. Easily overwhelmed.

One mountain at a time. One boulder at a time. One pebble at a time. 


Tuesday, July 8

Nutrition: Fine, but who the fuck cares?

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 915p-445a, 80% quality. Totally sound until Hank barked the house awake at 445a. Jerkface.

Healthy Movement: Tight lower legs getting out of bed, loosened up nicely. No workout today, too busy stressing.

Fun & Play: The day started off well enough. At 915a, everything went bad, and there was no more fun to be had. Three bright spots: I have a job, team lunch, fetch with the pooches.

Stress Management: Terrified, relieved, heart-broken, guilt-wracked.

From 915a onward: either I am losing my job, or my people are and thus my job is about to get a million times more stressful. I don't know.

At 945a, I was 100% certain I was on the cut list, as I was invited to a meeting that made me think exactly that. I walked away from my desk KNOWING I would not be remaining.

Instead, I still have a job, but three of my four direct reports do not. A total of 5 off my team of 18. A lot of knowledge walked out the door, leaving the rest of us to scramble.

But more than that, 66 of our friends & family have been booted out the door, none of it deserved personally, but necessary for the business. I get it, but my heart is not a P&L, it does not do logic. I look at the list and want to cry. I think of the list and want to cry. I talk to the CFO and want to cry. I'm crying right now.


Monday, July 7

Nutrition: Excellent.
Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 9p-445a, 76% quality. Took ages to fall asleep, woke for about a second when the hubs came home, dozed from about 330a onward. Got up feeling rested. Missed my weekend nap opportunity today by 3pm, but energy level came back around.
Healthy Movement: Body feeling good. Lunch run at a nice easy pace which was sadly slow, but I did my best to ignore it while I was running, which was good. Did some bonus running, just a few blocks, tying up my Relay ribbons for Paint the Town Purple...and then taking them back down when I learned we had bad directions; meanwhile I was late for a different meeting, so RUN I did!
Fun & Play: Good day of work that included Relay decorating. Nice PTP event. Recap meeting on LAE events with a couple of my favorite runners.

Sunday, July 6

Nutrition: Dig this PWO treat: overly-ripe banana plus frozen raspberries, microwaved for 20 seconds. Yum!

Food prep: baked yams (in the slow cooker); breakfast sausage; yam chili. Then I got lazy so salads will have to wait.

Sleep: 9 (!) hours in bed, 1015p-715a (!), 80% quality. I'd call it more like 90%. It felt like I was out solid until 4a, in/out for a little while (that may have been when it stormed?), then back out until I woke naturally. Yay, ear plugs! Also got in nap 3 of the weekend, 1130a-130p. Didn't really feel like I needed it, but wasn't going to pass up the opportunity. I'll be glad for it when I'm back to the 5a alarm tomorrow.

Healthy Movement: Tight lower legs, all else a bit MEH but not specifically hurting anywhere. Due to the MEH, mild though it was, I dialed my lifting back to a KB base, other than pulls & bench. Felt good! I was even going to add snatches afterward, outside in the shade, but my hands were too beat up by all the pulls, didn't want to risk torn calluses. Also I'm going to be smart about conserving myself a bit this week, with Relay on Friday night. Planning to make it all night, & don't want to be a tired crankypants when I do. Began greenhouse dismantling, good forearm workout unscrewing manually, because I'm a lame girl who's never run a drill.

Fun & Play: Sleeping in. Quiet house. Air conditioning. Good workout. Happy pooches. Fetch and more fetch.

Chatting about supporting Brian at his 100-miler in September. As long as I can get off work (partial day 3 & all of day 4 of close) and figure out when to work NSS (because the event will eat up all of Friday/Saturday, plus part of Sunday), then I'm in. Big enough support crew that we can nab a cabin for pretty reasonable dollars, and with that distance he'll want/need pacers, too. Heck yeah, I'll go run on the SHT in September with one of my pals! 

Saturday, July 5

Nutrition: For the first time in ages, I made banana "ice cream" for supper. Added chocolate whey protein and Sunbutter for a delicious cold calorie bomb on a hot day. So damned good.

Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed, 1045p-6a, 77% quality. Quite solid, just not enough. But I got in nap 2 of 3 for the weekend, 12-2p.

Healthy Movement: Got up feeling fairly good, but the run felt a little tougher than I would like. Logged almost an hour on lovely trails, and then another 15-ish minutes cruising through the flat campgrounds. And smelling bacon.  Napped and lazed at home. Felt no lasting soreness from the run, literally nothing in the rest of my day, so that's a huge plus. 

Fun & Play: Trails. I was very torn between going to watch the Shalom races, knowing one of my newbies and pretty much all the local roadies would be there and it would super be fun to cheer them on. However, I was smart enough to stay on my own path and go out into the woods where I belong. Nap time. Dad's bookwork easily knocked out. Visited the parents and sat outside when it was finally cooling off. Laziness with my pets as I got caught up on everyone's race adventures. I am friends with some serious badasses!!

Friday, July 4

Nutrition: Two breakfasts, a snack, pizza. Happy day.

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 945p-515a, 77% quality. In too late due to ROUS outing & husband-chatting, then up earlier than I'd like due to a pre-programmed body. I did wake naturally, so that was nice. Afternoon nap, 3-5p, holidays for the win!

Healthy Movement: Had originally planned to run today, take advantage of the 3-day weekend and log two longer runs, but I got up feeling all-over sore and MEH on the idea. Probably could have knocked one out but with lasting MEH-ness, not worth it. Instead I worked NSS early, at a standing workstation (!), then met my Buddy for a long chatty walk. After breakfast, more NSS work, I also walked the deposit to the bank, then back. Laziness at home in the eve.

Fun & Play: Tons of Buddy time. NSS work done rather quickly. So quickly that after my final punch-out, seeing the hours, I asked myself what I had forgotten! Nap. Bill-paying fun. Laziness with critters.

Thursday, July 3

Nutrition: Hot local tip: the Depot has surprisingly good salads.

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 915p-530a, 79% quality. Up at 130a to let Hanky in, then Lexi barked the entire household awake at 530a. But it felt sound otherwise. Got up feeling good.

Healthy Movement: All-over stiffness & soreness. I thought my Achilles would be tight as hell after the hour-long trail run in Vibrams, but they feel quite normal. Great session, two PRs that felt impressively smooth &  easy. Evening ROUS 5k outing was slow & easy pace, appreciating the cool weather.

Fun & Play: Holiday mode has already kicked in. Signed up for the Norseman 10-mile, probably one of the very first to register! Gave a treat to my three direct reports working normal hours today due to month-end close priorities over the holiday...and 10 minutes later one of them left, ha! ROUS outing including supper on the patio and tons of running talk. Just a good day of good people and good things.

I suspect this note, which came along with a $26.20 Relay donation, will keep me going for a long, long time:
A long time ago, when I was inactive, overweight and facing growing concerns about my own health and the very real possibility of any number of long term effects, including cancer, you were one of the key people that helped me turn it around. You hosted your couch-to-5K group at work, and though I was too scared to join you, I did the program on my own, and now look what you've done! So the donation, though not much, is symbolic of the great change you've been a catalyst to in my own life. Mr. Marathon Man wants to give back just a little bit in honor of the person who always gives so much. You are a true rock star Sabrina!

Wednesday, July 2

Nutrition: Easy peasy, felt great all day.

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 9p-445a, 79% quality. I'd call it better, just not quite enough; was pretty solid, but dozing in/out 4a onward.

Healthy Movement: Tight Achilles but they loosened up nicely. Left shoulder a little angry. Is that dips or snatches? Either way: boo, hiss! Worked through lunch so I could leave early to run trails. Lucky me, my superhero pal Shawn was able to join me for a sweet, sweet hour at LCSP. Looooved it!

I came up with a new guideline for easing back into All The Things: two hours of workouts for the M/T and W/R combos...meaning, Dustin eats up an hour, my lunch run eats up a half hour, so that gives me only half an hour of bonus time either Monday or Tuesday (sprints? yoga?), and either Wednesday or Thursday. If I am doing the ROUS outing Thursday evening, then nothing is allowed on Wednesday night. Fridays should be a rest day. Saturday is a trail run. Sunday is lifting. Back on through. Will plan to do this for a while and make sure it's sustainable before trying to add anything else, such as class or Friday hills.

Starting next week, of course. Ahem.

Fun & Play: Class outside. Seeing my Buddy in the AM and getting to chat with her a bunch in the PM. Leaving early! Fetch with a new/strange doggy on our first meeting. Trails, sweet trails. Fetch with my own doggies. Husband home. A happy day.

Tuesday, July 1


This blog. 

It serves me well as a journal, but I don't think it really serves anyone else. And there are things I want to share, article-wise, or my own writing, that I don't think anyone will see (besides Joy) as long as I keep this a journal. So I've started a new blog for recommended reading & occasional writing, and I'll direct you there as soon as I get around to actually posting at least one of the many half-assed drafts I've saved on this blog. And then, this one shall remain a journal of nonsense for me, maybe Joy, and probably no one else, to continue reading. Stay tuned. 

Nutrition: Easy, but again I felt a little shaky and quickly-fatigued in my session. More carbs. But no sugary carbs, no sir. Le sigh. (Oh, guess what happens when this reverts to full journal, Joy? Food log in the hizzy!)

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 915p-515a, 85% quality. Better than it has been; didn't fall asleep until at least 10p, but didn't wake up until 4a; dozed there onward, until Hank's whining and trotting woke me in full, even through ear plugs.

Healthy Movement: Body is feeling good besides tight Achilles. Session went well, love the return of snatches & dips, but I'm goddamn tired of misses on the bench press. Why not drop the weights and get me some volume? I thought Jim would rather see you keep one in the tank than go to failure, especially not even reaching the prescribed reps, never mind the pluses. I'll have to ask what the reasoning is here. Being I haven't actually read the book or anything, I shouldn't assume I get it.

Fun & Play: Busy work day. Session. Buddy, though not enough of her. Plotting the weekend up at Voyageur with Brian K at the end of July. We're going to work an aid station on Saturday and run some SHT on Sunday. Can't wait! Quiet night at home, though I really wanted to do yoga with my Holea. 

Temperance: Still feeling sad and excluded from the party. Since I was invited to one group thing, then another group thing, I was feeling like part of the family, but then I wasn't invited to the next thing with the rest of the group, even though all of it was in the same damn week. That feeling of finally belonging was given and then immediately pulled back away from me, and thus it hurts far more than if I'd been excluded from all of the events.

Also feeling very frustrated and even confused by certain people for whom I do a lot of nice things...little things, but still very nice generous thoughtful things...and I receive not only nothing in return (that's not the reason I do it) but also zero thanks. Zero acknowledgment, even. Do I quit doing things for those folks who don't seem to appreciate it one bit, or do I keep doing it, because their reaction has nothing to do with me (channeling the Second Agreement here)? Generous is just the kind of person I choose to be, naturally am, regardless of whether I receive appreciation for it...but it's far more gratifying to do things for people who appreciate it. I just don't see why it's so fucking hard to say thanks. 

On both of these, I am trying tell myself to put the water down. It's very difficult today, and I don't know why.

On a positive note, I changed one of my goals today. It's one I have been ignoring as "from the past" and not pursuing, knowing it's not realistic, or at least, not worth sacrificing my health &/or sanity to reach. It used to be "15% body fat" and now I've changed it to say "A healthy body that maintains its ideal size without effort." Obviously "without effort" doesn't mean I'm going to stop lifting and running and moving and expect to be healthy. It means that I will do All The Things that I feel like doing, and I will eat well enough to fuel my movement, and my body will be whatever it will be. It creates an unwritten goal of being able to just eat, without obsessive tracking. Some day, please, yes, that.

Monday, June 30

Nutrition: Supper shortcuts, but being stocked up with proper snacks works out pretty well: imagine that.

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 845p-5a, 80% quality. Up at 230a for bathroom, water, macaroon, still took ages to fall back, nearly an hour. Intense dreams from there onward. Got up feeling more rested than in a while, but still not ideal.

Healthy Movement: Still had stiff legs getting up. Three rest days isn't enough to get over that? Did class warm-up and actually felt like joining in on class thanks to all the rest, but did not, thanks to the Dustin in my head. Lunch run didn't sound appealing until I remembered the new discovery; trails a half-mile away! Felt harder than it should've but I'll chalk that up to 3 rest days plus 8 weeks of slow running plus trails last encountered a month ago plus a week's worth of shitty sleep. Considering all that, a win! Evening run with my community group as a grand finale & victory lap to celebrate their accomplishments. Super slow initially (12:00 pace) to keep my slowest runner going, and then on the way back Brett & Brian were going to come from behind to clean up any cabooses, so I picked it up and ran hard (8:00 pace), which felt pretty darn fantastic.

Fun & Play: I have heard from my W2Rs: I am running another 5k this fall; I want to get faster; I am perfectly happy with maintaining 30 minutes regularly; I've found a 10k this fall, and I've got a coworker who will train with me; let's all meet again on Wednesday night, 5:30 at Big Ole!

I swear to you, I’m so filled with warm fuzzies that my innards must look like a troll doll’s hair! I have changed worlds, and I made new friends -- RUNNING friends! I could not be more thrilled with how well this program went for them and for me. They gave me a thank you card & a Caribou GC (Brett's handiwork of course) that I want to flipping FRAME as a reminder of this amazing, incredible, bucket-filling, inspirational experience.