Tuesday, June 24

Nutrition: Felt junky enough in my session (easily fatigued, even a little shaky toward the end) that I went back to look at my morning intake: 800-ish calories, but very few carbs (toast & a Larabar at breakfast, that's it). Will not be doing that again!
Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 930p-5a, 82% quality. In late due to LAE meeting. Woke a couple times, but always back easily, then in/out 430a onward thanks to dogs. A/C was two degrees lower (73F) than prior nights, and I think that's gotta be my new standard.

I'm going to focus on recovery. Sleep is consistently my biggest, most important, most accurate marker. So, if I didn't get a good night, I'm easing back my workouts that day. Less physical stress to recover from on the next night. That means being much more flexible in my workout plan specifically, but as far as lifelong health goes, that's the smartest possible way to go. Sleep has proven, time and time again, to be my number one game-changer.

Healthy Movement: Some tightness at top of hip flexors. Or my core. Something like that. Think it's part of resuming all the standing. Session was only okay, felt weird and brain didn't work very well either. Numbers wuz hard.

Fun & Play: Productive work day, bonus fun working on LAE volunteer stuff, got to leave early for an NSS outing. That was both fun and stressful. Sitting in a boat, laughing with those peeps, soaking up a little sunshine, marveling at wake surfing physics, all good. However.

Stress Management: I did not attempt the wake surfing. I'm not that fond of water, I'm not at all coordinated, and I'm not exactly a fan of constantly being corrected because I suck at something. I don't even like tubing. Or having a wet face in the shower. Basically, says Holea: I'm a cat. We were supposed to be able to try SUP-ing, much more my speed, but that was forgotten, I guess.

Anyway, that was fine, I had planned to just hang in the boat and enjoy. But it wasn't fine with everyone else. And that's the part that sucked, them trying to convince me to do it, making a big deal out of it. Of course I know they don't really care whether or not I do it, they just had a blast and "know" I would, too, and so they are trying to help. But they are NOT helping. Actually, harming.

So, listen, a PSA: don't try to make people do stuff they don't want to do. If someone wants to be a bump on a log, you let them. Period. Bumps on a log do not like having it pointed out that they are bumps on a log!

Here's why: that person probably wishes they were like everyone else. Probably hates themselves for not being like you. So when you turn it into a big deal, they hate themselves a little bit more. Maybe a lot more. And they don't need any-fucking-more help with that, thankyouverymuch.

So, getting off the boat with that in my head, I was invited to join them all for pizza. It was 8pm on a Tuesday, I was already in a sleep deficit, and had literally written that very morning about how I was going to prioritize sleep. The socialization aspect of hanging longer with some of my favorite people simply could not outweigh the low sleep, or unfunness of eating salad at a pizza place (knowing I'd still need to eat more calories when I got home), or possibly rehashing why I'm such a lame boring loser.

So I went home, hating myself, wishing I fit in with that tribe. And wondering how they can do so well on stressful work schedules, low sleep, badass workouts, and pizza & beer. And hating that I'm such a pathetic delicate flower,

Well, guess what: add crying to low calories, and that is NOT good for the cortisol, says the woman finishing this at 430am on Wednesday who got 5 hours of actual sleep. But requires 8.

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