Caloric Rant

I am feeling ready to kill someone. I have been operating on about 2300 calories since the beginning of the year, without trying to eat at a specific intake, just by hunger, and my body has stayed exactly the same. Exactly. The. Same. On 2300 calories/day. Even though, based on all the diet books and calculators and so-called experts, I should be gaining like a half pound every week and be a giant fatty at this point. But I repeat: exactly the same.

This is me telling you: GoKaleo is right, and so, so, so many others are so, so, so fucking wrong. Feel free to go read every single thing she's written. These two calculators reinforce the calorie recommendations of my actual experience, so I will in turn recommend them to you.

They both tell me to eat a minimum of 1900-2000 calories, on a non-work day, without any workouts. Guess how much I should be eating on a TS work day (standing for 10 hours) when I have Dustin + post-work sprints with Holea? 3375 goddamn calories, that's how many! (For maintenance, anyway.)

So why, oh WHY, oh motherfucking WHY, have I ever been told to eat 1600 calories? Or to use 1200 as a "mimimum" intake? 1200 is less than my BMR. FUCK YOU "EXPERTS" straight to hell. No wonder my cortisol goes apeshit and I wake up sweating at 2am any & every time I eat less than 1800 calories! My body is Flipping The Fuck Out.

After months and months of 2010 spent starving myself (at the intake levels that all of those experts recommended for me as safe), my body turned me into a binger when I repeatedly ignored its needs, getting very efficient at packing pounds back on, until I landed nearly where I was before I started.

And now, I get to spend who-knows-how-many years teaching my body that it's okay, we're okay, I'm not going to starve you, I'll eat plenty, and you can burn up a little fat on the days that I don't eat enough, and no, you don't need to wake me up at 2am to eat a macaroon, just make me a little extra hungry at 5am breakfast, and we'll be fine. We'll be fine.

So.

I need to be eating even more than 2300 calories most days - that's my bare minimum on a work day. But if I suddenly bumped up to 3000, I'm pretty sure my body would still see all those calories as excess, and pack 'em down. The proper way to do it is to slowly increase intake by around 100-200 per week. But...calorie counting makes me a nutjob. So for now, I'm going to let the intake continue to fall where it may based on how I feel, only being conscious that it doesn't drop low, and having a very new opinion on what's deemed "low."

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