Saturday, May 31

Nutrition: I ate 8 eggs at once. But they were wee adorable quail eggs! However, my supper was redonk: whole pizza, pint Arctic Zero, kombucha. Noms, yo. Especially because I added regular pepperoni, and I am hereby never eating turkey pepperoni again. It may be half the calories, but regular stuff is FIVE times the flavor!!

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 945p-545a, 73% quality. I would have rated it better, more like 85-90%; I know I woke up a time or two, but I never had to GET up, and I woke naturally. A nice change of pace.

Healthy Movement: As I waited for someone, ANYone to show up for the walk-to-run group, at 6:55a I seriously started plotting out a solo run route. And then three people came! It was a very nice cool rain that took us to & from City Park, and it felt so perfect that rather than go home to lift as I originally planned, I took myself right to LCSP for more fun on trails, and it was absolutely incredibly perfectly delightful. Exactly what I needed. Rather surprised it felt so easy, as my week actually got a little tougher with yesterday's hills. Hm. Better/more sleep?

Anyway, I have decided on a fantastic plan for future weekends: go to LCSP, plot out a route that's just a little farther than the prior week, and simply switch to walking whenever it feels shitty, rather than push through and finish feeling drained. I'll still get the distance, but I'll enjoy it that much more. And hopefully I'll be able to figure out the difference between good & bad days (other than, of course, 20 degrees of blazing heat). So my starting reference point is 4.15 miles. In two weeks I'll test the plan - next week I'm going to run with BK early Sunday morning to help him finish out his 24 hours. I wonder how he likes me horning my way in on his epic adventures? Well, that is what he gets for repeatedly calling my his hero or claiming that I inspired him to get back into running - I'm personally taking it upon myself to make sure he achieves his insane goals!

Fun & Play: Sleeping in. Running in the rain. Nature. Late breakfast. Hubs time. Brief motorcycle excursion but we encountered rain. Super lazy afternoon with the DVRS and all the critters.

Nature: I was madly in love with this morning's sounds of gentle rain and trickling water. The trail in town (to City Park) was gorgeous, and then LCSP was SO FUCKING VERDANT. I wish I had brought my phone for pictures, but it was raining too much when I started. Phenomenal. So wonderful for my hippie brain.

Friday, May 30

Nutrition: Despite 4 Larabars in one day, today's calories were actually on the low end, surprisingly.

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 845p-530a, 74% quality. Wide awake at 1a, and after tossing & turning for too long, I got up to let out a restless Lexi, eat a Larabar, drink some water, hit the bathroom. Still took a while to fall back. Felt like I woke often the rest of the night. Ugh.

Healthy Movement: Still sore and stiff and achey, but a little better. Can feel yesterday's waiter carries in the upper back, love that of course. Noon walk to run was delightful despite the heat, because two of my three are feeling pumped for the 5k - awesome!! Followed it up with half-hill repeats with Holea that somehow felt easy-peasy, woot! Energy levels dropped quite a bit after that, though...didn't even have brain power to tackle a new spreadsheet at NSS, and relocating my own ass from the kitchen table to the couch seemed like a lot of work.

Fun & Play: Treats to & a chat with my Buddy first thing in the morning. Two of my three nooners are signing up for the 5k. Hill time with Holea. Laziness with the pooches & cuddly kitties during a quiet night at home.

Temperance: Today I worked a bit on NSS's NCP spreadsheet, which included my own body comp results (from 1.5 years to 1 year ago), which were ugly...nothing but increased weight & inches. Not huge, like 4 or 5 lbs over 6 months or whatever, and certainly I already knew I had gained weight then, but it was Not Fun to see the cold hard numbers. It made me sad to think about all the energy & brain power I wasted during those 6 months, and frustrated to remember how depressed I got before Boston that year...& again this year, and all of that. Ugh ugh ugh. And yet, I couldn't just let it go and get over it, despite the fact that it's old, old news. Sad-making. Not feeling so good about myself today.

Thursday, May 29

Nutrition: Hangry again. Today I ate all the fats. ALL OF THEM. I rediscovered the coconut butter in my desk drawer, oh NOM. I also received two Sunbutter brownies from my sweet, generous Buddy! And more quail eggs from my new farmer pal.

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 9p-445a, 83% quality. Woke at 1045p to a bone-chewing Hank; took it from him and hid in the bathroom, and was shocked that it wasn't 2am or something. Felt like I woke many times but always fell back quickly. Tossing & turning about 415a onward. GAH. Took a long, slow breakfast, including coffee on the deck to listen to my boisterous bird friends.

Healthy Movement: Body is still aching, but a slight improvement from yesterday. I forced myself to swap my second work coffee out for earlier water. Probably should have used my extra morning time to hit the foam roller, too. Session still went great; things felt good and I felt nice & strong even though I didn't necessarily progress much.

At home in eve I planted some lilies, in the direct sun, with sweat running UP my face. I realized that once upon a time, sweating like that would have convinced me it was too hot to be doing that, I was too weak, sweating sucks, etc, and I would have shut down. Meanwhile, tonight I was like, oh, it's that hot? Can't tell. Another minor daily-life victory of fitness.

Interesting (but TMI! beware!) situation: I've had an IUD since 2006, and haven't had a period at all since I got it. Until, in the past 6-ish months, I kinda sorta started developing a regular cycle. Not too regular, very light, but definitely there. Wonder why that is. Wish it was nothing at all, because periods be goddamn obnoxious, but perhaps it's a sign of good health to be having it.

Fun & Play: Fun at work today, and surprisingly productive at home in the afternoon. Brought home the exact right project, I guess. Catching up a bit with Timmy. Session with my buddy, though not enough chatting. Two dogs to the vet. Working outside. Planting flowers.

Nature: Worked from home after Lexi's return to the vet, and took the laptop out to the deck. GLORIOUS. Got dirty planting some nice hardy lilies from mom's garden.

Temperance: For my last three runs, I've worn shorts - first time since last summer. And unlike the wee skinnies with a thigh gap, turns out I have thigh SLAP, by which I mean I can literally hear my thighs slapping together because my short shorts are riding up and of course my legs are just that big. Somehow, it's not bothering me as much as I would have expected. I mean, yes, I observed it, but I didn't immediately think "I'm fat and need to do something about this." In fact I actually wondered if leaning out some would even make a difference, or if there's just going to be that much slap because of the muscle size, which of course ain't reducing, cuz I ain't gonna lift any less. (MOAR, if I can get away with it!) Happy to just observe without emotion. Healthy.

Wednesday, May 28

Nutrition: So much sweating; I NEED ALL TEH SALTY FOODS. (Like bacon. Too bad I overslept.) I ate like Hulk today, so damned hungry all day long. 

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 845p-515a, 66% quality. Yes. Took ages to fall asleep, then awake 2-3a; up at 230a for bathroom, water, few mixed nuts - nearly h/s/g but not quite, just...wide awake. Had plenty of calories yesterday, don't know what that was about.

This is how light it is outside when I go to bed.
I am a CHILD.
(And yes, of course I close the windows & blinds & curtains. The black curtains!)

Healthy Movement: Body is really feeling the squats, and also some upper body tightness - all good aches. Debated not joining in on class, but I guess I'm not QUITE at the point of prioritizing recovery. Maybe I'll get there. Probably more days of feeling like squats have killed me dead will help...oof. Noon walk to run was easy peasy; a warm 77F but felt quite a bit better than last night's awfulness, less humid. Legs held up okay. Testing my limits by wearing Pace Gloves, Vibrams, etc, on some of these outings, just to see how it goes. Picked up trash for an hour, and felt properly self-righteous about asshole litterers to start, then the heat and sore GD legs slowly wilted my attitude. Had to scoot out before the picture so I could make it to the eve walk to run, which I took extra slow compared to normal, let Brett lead the way while I kept the back of the pack on track. Walking, backward running, outright stopping at some turns made the slow pace, but I did also focus on slowing down while staying smooth. Gliiiiiiiide. Felt fine, legs didn't really affect it, but jesus balls were they aching by the time I was at home.

Fun & Play: Class. Productive meeting. Noon run. Met with Brett to work on volunteer positions for LAE races. Bonus time in nature! Eve group. Miss Lexi doing very well with her cone of shame.

Temperance: Forgot to mention that I have officially let go of the muscle-up, and Dustin is in. I want a strong, happy body. Muscle-up work was not really making it stronger, and definitely not making it happy. It feels a lot like giving up on the goal of "looking good" (ie, being lean), and instead focusing on the trifecta of being strong, running injury-free, and feeling good. It's better for me as a whole, but it's still a little hard to concede, to give up, to "fail" at leanness. Yes, fail is in quotes, no lectures required.

My new goal to Dustin was a bodyweight bench. Now THERE'S a long-term goal! Given that my max is 120, and has been stuck there for quite a while, and my current BW is somewhere around 145-150, we could very well be talking years of benching and honing in technique. So I have to (get to!) do a lot of benching and will be forced to learn keep the big picture in mind when I fail at 120x2, or whatever. This kind of goal makes SO MUCH MORE SENSE for me. The same way that the Wild Duluth 50k sounds like a fucking blast (because so is the training) while a road marathon sounds like torture (because so is the training).

The PATH TO THE GOAL has to be enjoyable for me - not just the goal itself, as that sense of accomplishment is terribly, terribly fleeting. But if the entire journey there was fun and/or satisfying, does it actually even matter if you ever achieve that goal?

Tuesday, May 27

Nutrition: Hangry at 10a. Still struggling with whether or not I like all-day snacking or larger meals. Even with larger meals, I need 4, not 3, thanks to how damned early I get up & when my workout is.

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 845p-515a, 89% quality. Felt pretty solid.

Healthy Movement: Body is in great shape. It felt a little fatigued at the session today, but I also think that's a 5-week for ya. Had a great time at the evening walk-to-run; tonight I slowed my pace more by walking extra, or waiting for the whole group to get across the road, rather than completely by running slower. I still slowed down, sure, but that helped mitigate a pokey pace. 'Twas hot, but I thankfully managed fine.

Fun & Play: Able to sleep in and take an extra slow morning, since I couldn't bring Lexi to the vet until 730am. Session with my buddy! Checking out a spreadsheet Mike wants me to revamp (fun!) along with a productive TS workday. Lexi came out of the vet just fine, though with a big bill, but I got to hold a teensy 5-week old adorable baby bulldog, so very precious and sweet! Evening group outing.

Monday, May 26

Nutrition: Again at the high end of huge proper range, especially for a rest day, but the body felt significantly improved by the end of the day, so I'd call it right on.

Sleep: 6.5 hours in bed, 1115p-545a, 51% quality. In late due to family time at the bonfire. Out early due to my 4-legged buddy Hank. Moved slowly and read a long while in the peace of my hammock. Helped some. When we got home at 330p, it was too late to take a proper nap, but I did get in an hour of dozing.

Healthy Movement: Upper back and neck a little jacked, just tight though, not sharply pained. Low back is fine. Tired, thanks to this weekends effed sleep. Sat most of the day, lazy morning then funeral and family time. Drained and glad the funeral timed out well for a rest day.

Fun & Play: Slow breakfast. Hammock time. Reading time. Family time. Nap-ish. Cool gentle rain. 

Sunday, May 25

Nutrition: Ate by feel today, tallied calories at the end only. At the high end of my appropriate range, but not far off at all. 

Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed, 1015p-530a, 71% quality. Up at 1a when the dogs flipped the fuck out over some creature making noise out in the CRP land. Some kind of bird, probably, but it sounded like a barking dog; maybe a sandhill crane, but not quite the normal sound. Weird and creepy. Despite that, Hank still needed out at 530a. SERIOUSLY, dude? Ugh. This is why my bedtime is 9p; I have to always assume he'll wake me up, and I won't fall back unless I'm extremely shot. Thus, also entirely my fault I was short on hours. Luckily, lack of plans meant I could nap 230-430p, so I did. 

Healthy Movement: Feeling fatigued. Gotta stop this nonsense, as Sunday is my day to Do All Teh Things! Ugh. So no powerlifting mania; instead, I did big rocks & play time. And the left shoulder was angry (and left neck tight) after the OH presses; why the fuck do I ever ignore Dustin's advice? A week ago he told me to do DB presses, as a neutral grip would be happier on the shoulder. And I did that exactly once, then came right back to the BB + shoulder-anger today. Oh yeah, I only exist to prove him right. Lower back in better shape, not nearly as tight, just a hint still there. Upper back got very stiff by the end of the day. Stood a long time at the wake (I hope it takes you 1.5 hours to get through my wake, too: sign of a life lived right), then sat next to a bonfire for a nice looong spell, occasionally getting up to relieve the back, but mostly just to MOVE. 

Fun & Play: Quiet & highly productive morning at NSS; although outside was gorgeous, I was somehow happy to be there. Great fun playing outside at a workout that included chatting with the hubs and playing with the dogs. Nap. Hoppe family time around a bonfire. 

Four ingredients of playtime: tire, set of bells, rope, and nature. Bliss!

Saturday, May 24

Nutrition: Again a lot of calories, thanks to the draining run. Meh, it happens.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 930p-530a, 81% quality. Solid until 4a. Post-post-run-shower, was quite sleepy. Tried to just veg in the hammock with a podcast & absorb some sun, but eventually I gave up and went to bed for a legit 2-hour nap. Got up still feeling drained; ate a pint of AZ and the world became bright again.

Healthy Movement: Body felt excellent at walk-to-run outing, and I ran faster while chatting with Brett. Then I joined Shawn on the LCSP trails for 9.5 miles. IT bands were getting a little angry by the end, but really only after walk breaks, and they would loosen up as I resumed running. Still, a bit concerning given how short & easy this outing was (relatively, compared to a 50k on the SHT), and how Dustin thought the Prowler work would make a big difference. I think the slow pace in the group outings is working against me, big time. Feet surprisingly swollen and tender the rest of the day, and I felt drained. A dramatic difference from how fantastic I felt after SJU with Greg. Hm.

Fun & Play: Walk to run group. TRAILZ. Hammock in the sun. The entire household napping. Quick bill paying. Lack of plans. Cat snuggles.

Friday, May 23

Nutrition: The quail eggs are gone. Want more, they were tasty little buggers. Managed to really overeat today, figuring it's gonna help to fuel a nice long run tomorrow. Happily, just sort of accumulated the calories, didn't feel bingey or snacky, so I am good with it.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a, 88% quality. Slept like a rock, and I think I was woken by the husband letting out Hank, not sure.

Healthy Movement: Body feeling a touch of overall fatigue, low back even tighter, though not at a pain level. Noon walk to run was easy and fun; still didn't see any fox pups. Lotta laziness after that.

Fun & Play: Productive work morning, buried in an intense spreadsheet. Happy worker bee! Friday afternoon "off" to visit the eye doctor, then be lazy at home with critters & a book. Hammock time, outside, no more basement! LOTS of fetch. Got some food prep done, and CJ came for his tire so I got to show off the critters & the house. Felt like I was playing hooky by having a Friday afternoon off, loved it. Of course, I'll pay through the nose by working NSS over the weekend, but...worth it.

I forgot to mention that at the end of the Wednesday night walk-to-run, a former coworker ran up to me from the opposite trail direction, gave me a hug, and thanked me for the Facebook inspiration to get back into running. I had no idea she was doing it. My heart grew three sizes!

Read This: Whole9

Please Stop Saying “Everything in Moderation”
“Everything in Moderation .”

This is perhaps the most famous piece of diet advice ever given—everything in moderation. Depriving yourself leads to willpower depletion and the dreaded “rebound effect.” Unhealthy foods are only unhealthy if you eat them in excess. Balance is key. Therefore, you can (and should) eat anything you want… as long as you eat it in moderation.

The problem is, moderation works for very few people. You know this to be true. You’ve tried it countless times. (And if it actually worked for you long-term, you wouldn’t need any more diet advice, would you?)
Read the whole shebang here:

I think this is the exact thing that everyone is forgetting: moderation is great advice for the select few who probably aren't looking for advice to start with. For the rest of us, those who actually need help (oh, hai), it just absolutely positively doesn't work. You might as well ask us whether red is heavier than skipping, because it's the same blank dumbfounded reaction.

One personal example: it doesn't work to say I can have one bottle of Diet Cherry Pepsi per week, because within weeks, it turns into one per day, maybe more, every single time. But now that I haven't had a single one in months and months, I don't even debate whether or not I want one. I don't drink it, period, moving on.

Now, that's not to say that we extremers will never get to a point of healthy food relationships and discover this magical ability to moderate through the gray, to occasionally indulge in the crap and then move easily back to healthy choices, but I have personally learned that (1) the journey there is a fuck-ton easier when the rules are black and white, and there simply isn't any deplete-able willpower involved; and (2) it's a loooooong motherfucking journey, so we should take the easiest paths whenever we can.

Thursday, May 22

Nutrition: Since I usually only bitch & moan about my acne here, I thought I'd post happily that right now I have two small blemishes, and that is IT. How nice! Problem: I don't feel I'm eating any differently than I did two weeks ago when my face freaked out. Gah.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a, 79% quality. Woke at 10p feeling like it would be 1a (probably when the hubs came to bed?); woke at 1a and was very close to h/s/g but managed to fall back relatively quickly. Woke often 4a onward.

Healthy Movement: Didn't do class today (due to Dustin), but did join in on both the warm-up, and the carries at the end. Tight left low back, but not painful like it gets when I'm stressed; just a little tight for some reason, something to keep tabs on. Most noticeable when I'm sitting, nothing there when I'm standing. Session was good. Joined Holea for a delightful but too-short Mitzi walk after work.

Fun & Play: Productive meetings. Silliness at session with my Buddy, though I missed saying goodbye because I was deadlifting, and there isn't nearly enough time to chat! Happily, ran into her again in the afternoon. Holea time. Time outside with the critters & hubs. Word from BK on working an aid station at an SHT race at the end of July, & clearance from the hubs that he was otherwise occupied that weekend, thus I was clear to join in - that's gonna be a ton o' fun. SUNSHINE & freshly-cut grass, and dozens of bright yellow finches at my feeder. Yay, nature!

Wednesday, May 21

Nutrition: The ZOMG BREAD is now gone. Thank goodness, because I have no moderation around it. I ate 6 pieces of it yesterday!

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a, 88% quality. Felt pretty solid, woke naturally about 4a & dozed there onward.

Healthy Movement: Tight spot in middle of upper back thanks to yesterday's high-bar squats that somehow freaked the shit outta my body, all else is good. Lunch walk-to-run felt awesome. Evening was even better, as we had some lovely sunshine, plus my supahstah Shawn showed up and I got to run a little faster.

Fun & Play: Relay for Life breakfast. (Especially impactful today, as 4 of my nieces & nephews lost their other grandpa last night; both taken within 8 months. Fucking cancer, fuck you straight to fucking HELL.) Great lunch run with Tasha, during which we were clued into fox dens and told to watch for pups (Joy: on the trail directly behind the Y, north side of the bank has sand piles which are the den entrances; we saw three, but no foxes). Fun all-team meeting, at which I put my lack of coordination fully on display, right up on stage, by doing a[n easy] line dance. Anything for charity, yo. Bonus Shawn time at the evening run, which had 20 runners! Fetch with my pups.

Tuesday, May 20

Nutrition: Took an hour to eat breakfast and read. LOVE doing that.

Sleep: 9 (!) hours in bed, 9p-6a, 100% quality. Um, no, not that good. Didn't fall asleep until almost 10p, and woke a few times. Was nice to sleep in, though, especially since I can't do that again until Friday.

Healthy Movement: Slightly achey glutes, all else is feeling great. Could feel fatigue in session warm-up already, so probably good to be having deload week. Still went and enjoyed sprints with Holea, first time this year, yay! She was aiming to go at 60%, yet we were the same speed. Oof. 

Fun & Play: Meet results posted, chatted about them with Mary. Great session with both Lisa AND Joy jumping in. Fun!! Productive meetings, one of them in the glorious sunshine. Sprints and chatting with Holea. 

Monday, May 19

Nutrition: ZOMG I'm eating BREAD. It's rather yeast-y tasting, but I could NOT care less. It's soft & chewy in the innards and hard & crusty on the outards, and it's like goddamn normal bread and I'm so very happy! I treated it like dessert today. At every meal, oops.
Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 845p-5a, 82% quality. Sounds about right; felt like I woke a lot, and was steadily in/out 3a onward.
Healthy Movement: As I got out of bed this morning, had a shock of pain in my right foot - gone within two steps, but what the fuck was that?! Didn't notice it throughout the rest of the day, so hopefully just a one-time weirdness. Had a great time doing class. Vacations canceled the noon W2R outing, so I went on my own outing, a utility run to NSS. Felt great to run my own pace & then to push a little harder on the return, too. Lovely evening walk to run group, ran at various paces to give others an idea of their pace; body was happy with it all, though I could feel some fatigue toward the end. 
Fun & Play: Super fun class. Meet talk with Mary. Lovely run. Bonus 5 minutes at NSS. Meet talk with my Buddy. Stupid bank finding their stupid $100 error and redeeming ME not having made any errors. Fabulous work meeting where we may have come up with a solution that saves 8 boring, tedious, and unnecessary hours of work per month. Fun walk to run outing. Prouductive LAE meeting.

Sunday, May 18

Nutrition: I got those quail eggs perfect this morning after having seen the quail egg cutter. Tasty!

Food prep supah stah: yam chili again (so good, so easy, I had to); breakfast sausage; breakfast sausage spice mix packaged up; BREAD (oh, my beloved, I could have eaten the entire loaf despite it being slightly under done).

Sleep: 6.5 hours in bed, 1245a-715a, 71% quality. The graph looks like about 40%, what the fuck? Let the dogs out then, but crawled back into bed. Unfortunately I couldn't fall back, but I got in an hour of dozing, which helped. Got up bleary-eyed and bleah. Never put my contacts in today, poor eyes got so dried out yesterday in that fieldhouse.

Healthy Movement: I was planning to hit trails with Heidi today, but I knew that I could not, should not, plan on a long or even medium trial run. So instead I texted her about dialing it back to dog-training. She canceled on me completely, and I was so grateful. I was thinking I might get in a walk with Hanky still, but the day went by and I didn't find (or make) the time. But a rest day due to poor sleep, not injury, is fine by me. Wondering how much I'll lose my endurance after this extended deload, though. Yikes.

Fun & Play: A quiet house to myself. SUNSHINE. However, I didn't spend much time outside other than fetch and a lap around the perimeter of our acreage just to check things out (how awesome is THAT to say!). I was busy getting all my chores done inside, and actually enjoyed it with the lovely spring weather coming in through the open windows. And Holea came back to MN today. Yay to Sunday goodness!

Saturday, May 17

Nutrition: Eating Paleo forces you to learn rather quickly that you MUST plan your food, so I had a big ol' backpack o' grub with me at the powerlifting meet: Larabars, bananas, pumpkin seeds, macadamia nuts, pork jerky, and a bottle for water refills. I found coffee and an apple, otherwise that was my intake for the day, until another Subway salad for supper as we left Duluth. And holy shit am I getting sick of Larabars!

Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed, 1015p-530a, 77% quality. In a hotel bed, wrong everything, but ear plugs helped. Dozing lightly 4a onward, but got up feeling semi-okay, mostly adrenaline for the day ahead. Got VERY tired as the long day wore on, was nearly falling asleep in the car on the ride home, when I never feel sleepy in a car.

Healthy Movement: Ugh, so much sitting. Tried to stand as much as I could, but as energy level sank, I sat a lot more, and with awful posture. I did a few weighted pull-ups with that food-filled backpack & hit 5, which felt especially impressive given how strict they were. Around 5p or so, I went outside for a walk, just to get some sunlight and air and to goddamn MOVE after being inside the fieldhouse for 10 hours. It felt wonderful! I started walking up toward the top of the hill (we were at St Scholastica) where I found a nice view of Lake Superior, then a cemetery, then a TRAIL! It was so lovely that I couldn't help running it, in jeans & tee & normal bra and everything. It was short but it felt so fantastic to move; I went back into the fieldhouse feeling like a new person! Lasted me the remainder of the meet, I was willing to stay to see Steve get his medal, but Dustin (my ride) wanted out as soon as Steve was done lifting, although it was probably 10 more minutes (he drove up AND BACK the same day, ugh). I spent a total of 13.5 hours there, jeebus aitch. On the drive home, I got very tight in the upper back, very uncomfortable and fidgety, and when we stopped for gas in St Cloud, I was almost out of the car before Dustin had it stopped. LET. ME. MOVE!!

Fun & Play: The powerlifting meet was GREAT  fun, but I don't think I could do all day like that again, not without staying overnight the second night, too. Grateful I was not driving myself back, would have been rather dangerous.

Anyway it was fun helping Mary with her warm-ups & brain-state, but it was vital to have Dustin there to keep her confident on the lift attempts. She is strong as a tank and she's still so new, I can't freaking STAND IT. I desperately hope that her family GETS IT and supports this endeavor. I love to infinity that her daughter wanted to & was able to come, and I hope that motivation sticks. She could be a fucking super star in this sport.

She could be the next Steve, who smashed it all to pieces, what an insanely-strong dude. It's funny to think how unimpressed we all were with his numbers once he finished, despite him setting THREE state records; we just knew he'd do it. I feel guilty actually that we didn't spaz the fuck out for him, but by that point in the day we were all completely wiped, including him - which makes his feats even more impressive!

It was incredible to spectate all the meatheads, extra neat seeing the Special Olympics lifters (I didn't even know that was a thing; it was wonderful) and uber-fun hanging & chatting with the NSS support crew.

However, the meet made me feel like a weak little kitten, or a pathetic RUNNER. I actually told Erin I was looking forward to winter so I could focus on lifting again. Did I really just realize I have a reason to enjoy winter again? Hooray!

Friday, May 16

Nutrition: Some shortcuts today, but managed a fairly decent Subway salad for supper (at what is normally my bedtime).

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 930p-615a, 98% quality. Definitely not that good; I got up at 445a to let out a whining Hanky but managed to fall back a little bit longer, though mostly dozing 545a onward as my alarm tried waking me. Yuck.

Healthy Movement: Before the walk to run outing, I squeezed in an OHP session, with DBs, per Dustin & his happy-shoulder recommendation. Walk to run had only one attendee, but it was much fun! Wore compression socks in afternoon. Sat allllll daaaaaay. Gross. 

Fun & Play: TS PTO. Much of the day at NSS. Vet adventures with my babies. Walk to running. Excitement of traveling to Duluth for the powerlifting meet!

Thursday, May 15

Nutrition: I ate quail eggs this morning. Adorbs!

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 930p-530a, 79% quality. In late due to W2R exuberance, but quite solid. Woke briefly at 345a but fell right back. Woke naturally, at least, no alarms.

Healthy Movement: Body feels pretty good. Glutes still a bit sore, but all else is doing well. Had a superb session, some weights that felt truly HEAVY which made me very HAPPY. 

Really reconsidering the muscle-up goal. Yeah, it's a impressive party trick, all the work for it truly worth it? If I didn't have that goal, I might get to spend more time on badass raw strength...and doesn't the destination need to be worth the journey? May need some convos with Chief on this one, a better understanding for how long it will take.

Fun & Play: Great day of work. Session. Lovely visit with my dental office folks. Saw my papa to do his books. Fetch with Lexi. Cuddling with Clyde. 

Wednesday, May 14

Nutrition: My acne is fierce again. The last two days I was fine about it. Today, I'm getting sad and frustrated. I didn't eat anything I shouldn't! However, I did eat a rather lot of food on Sunday, but only slightly higher sugar than normal (like, one macaroon, yo), and tons more protein, which got me wondering about THAT. So damn frustrating.

On a brighter note, I got quail eggs, what?! Shall taste them en la maƱ's an eggsventure!

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 930p-515a, 79% quality. Felt pretty good, though dozing in/out 4a onward, thus could've used quite a bit more.

Healthy Movement: Super fun class today, just me & Travis, sweating buckets, and bonding over Monday's soreness (ach, my poor glutes). Excellent outing for the noon walk to run, I even committed to coming in on Friday to lead them despite my PTO day. Yeah! The evening group had an AMAZEBALLS turnout at 30 freaking people, including three entire families, and it filled my bucket to overflowing. I am over the goddamn moon, I tell you!

Fun & Play: Class. Sunshine! Team trip to the winery. Walk to run group. Quiet peaceful house.

Tuesday, May 13

Nutrition: My Buddy brought me delicious amazing treats from her outing yesterday: plantain chips, fresh papaya, and guava bootch. SHE IS THE BESTEST.

Sleep: 7 hours in bed, 9p-4a, 73% quality. Lexi needed out promptly at 4a, what the hell, jerkface? I took a long slow leisurely breakfast to make up for it. And then I played with my financial spreadsheets for 45 minutes. Happy girl.

Healthy Movement: Sore glutes, oof. Ankle has improved; probably not enough to justify wearing even 1" boots, calls yo. (Yes, I know I'm dumb.) Fun session with a couple of my besties. Left shoulder better post-session than last week.

Fun & Play: Busy day. Session. LAPW fundraiser that raised $4000. Hubs and pet time.

Monday, May 12

Nutrition: Solid. Food prep this weekend included a half-assed chili: ground beef, 1.5 tiny cans tomato paste w/ Italian spices, & cubed yams. Pretty delicious, and especially welcome on a crappy weather day.
Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a, 83% quality. Pretty solid, but could've used more.
Healthy Movement: Got up with body feeling good. Did class, which was tough & sweaty. Felt some anger in outside left ankle on finishing lunges...and felt it a couple times afterward if I twisted weirdly. Focused on slow steady movements. Forward motion didn't bother it on the noon walk to run outing, which didn't seem to bother my IT bands either, yay! Wore compression socks after that run. Had rather sore glutes by eve, thanks class! Evening walk to run was the same: ankle mostly okay, nothing from IT bands. Iced ankle while eating supper.
Fun & Play: Class. 15 walk to runners thumbing their collective noses at Ma Nature.

Sunday, May 11

Nutrition: Surf and turf for lunch: lobster tail and prime rib. The Marthalers go big & fancy on Mother's Day!

Sleep: 9.75 (!) hours in bed, 9p-645a, 94% quality. FINALLY some good hours. I didn't even hear Hank whining to go out at 5a or whatever it was. I clearly accumulated a serious sleep debt this week; need to get back to prioritizing it above all else.

Healthy Movement: Got up with a body feeling pretty durn good. Lifting on the docket for today, but forced to shift it back to the afternoon. Right away I planned on doing OHP only, unless energy levels came back up. I was fine most of the day, did some sprinting and dog chasing at the parents', but I was rather spent when it was time to lift. So, only the big rocks. Looked longingly at my tire, but left him be.

Fun & Play: Sleeping in, finally. Chores accomplished. Family time. Planted my garden of cherry tomatoes, peas, and lettuce. Now, to keep the cats from nibbling as the wee seedlings sprout on the countertop...not easy!

Saturday, May 10

Nutrition: Gone from home 630a-4p, then supper at the MIL's house. At least there was a right proper meal, but in between it was jerky & Larabars & the last of my protein cookies. Very much wanted NORMAL FOOD and NO MORE LARABARS by supper time.

Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed, 1015p-530a, 82% quality. In late like an idiot, had to get up early enough for the run group. Got up tired and groggy. Very sleepy around 3p but no nap. So tired by bed time, 9pm felt like it was surely more like midnight.

Healthy Movement: Led 11 rock stars at the 7am walk-to-run group, which felt amazing, especially in the perfect running weather. Then worked at the RFL garage sale until 2 or 3, which was surprisingly draining. I mean, I could have gone straight to bed and logged two solid hours. However, I was committed to spending time at LCSP, and inspired by the ROUSers who had ROCKED THE FACE OFF their Saturdays. I started running, but quickly realized the body was Not. Interested. Legs were fine to the point of going too fast actually, but the rest of my systems were very much NOT fine. I dialed the effort back significantly, but it was clear I shouldn't be doing anything at all. So I just soaked up the BEING IN NATURE. Listened to the babbling water. Took pictures of spring growth. Admired the sparkling lake surface, which was still iced over the last time I saw it. Ah, SPRING, how I love you so! Would have extended it into a nice long walk, but was headed to laziness at the MIL's with the family. Lot of baby-holding, being very conscious of not cranking up my low back to balance her weight - I don't know how every single mother isn't completely jacked up, honestly.

Fun & Play: Running group. Working the garage sale. ROUSers smashing their goals. Nature. Sunshiney spring days. Family. All good.

Friday, May 9

Nutrition: Coming around on these protein cookies after all. Maybe I just undercooked them.

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 945p-530a, 77% quality. Sleep graph is not pretty; in late due to hubs, up early due to Hank. I had my alarm set for 7a, hoping like mad that I would get to sleep in. Got up feeling okay, but a little tired and have lost the happy happy joy joy energy of yesterday.

Healthy Movement: Upper back is a bit stiff, and I really am feeling some knee/IT band achiness, both sides. How do I slow down without causing this problem? Went down to the locker room for the noon outing feeling a little MEH and that I'd totally be taking a rest day if not for them, but then I got outside with them and came around completely. Felt easy and fun! Loved that boost.

Fun & Play: Friday. Class. NSS afternoon. Supper with the hubs. TV laziness.

Personal Growth: As TS's outlook continues to look, well, I don’t want to say grim, exactly, but it’s certainly not as bright as we’d all like it to be, I've become more conscious of the possibility of needing to find a new job (yuck), or else (GULP) venturing out on my own. Not truly concerned, or anything, but it's in my head at least, and that makes me wonder if I need to be more professional on this site. It’s certainly not much of a blog and a lot more of a journal, but the link is out & about, and anyone can read it, including potential employers searching for signs of professionalism. And as I've also added FB friends and set up a group for our walk-to-runners, it's occurred to me that these peeps might click around on my info and make their way over to this blog. For all these reasons, perhaps I should temper the sort of things I post here. You know, reduce the obsessive obsessions and constant swearing and 99% openness.

But you know what?

Fuck that.

I'm still beyond tired of the pretense, the scrubbed images, the way we only show the highlights of our lives to others. I'm all about being real and genuine and authentic, and I honestly think that's the main reason people like me - in addition to the fact that I'm not an asshole, of course.

I'm going to continue sharing the lowlights and the depressions in addition to my child-like delight & passionate big heart. I'm me, and I'm never going to NOT be me, and you're going to see it all here, for better or for worse. I refuse to create some perfect air-brushed image that isn't me.

However, I am considering how I could morph from using this as a daily journal to truly creating helpful posts for others. Once you get past my obsessive metrics, my ramblings & brain dumps sometimes can be beneficial for others to read. Yet this is such a handy place for me to track my data, which I still love, and the required daily-ness of it provide a convenient outlet for me to brain-vomit at whim. Have to mull that over some.

Thursday, May 8

Nutrition: Supper shortcut of pork jerky: is there anything more delicious??

Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed, 930p-445a, 80% quality. Woke when hubs came home at 1a & Lexi spazzed the fuck out in excitement; was able to fall back before he even got out of the shower, thankfully. However, Hank desperately needed OUT at 430a, and it seriously took me ten full minutes to wake up enough to get up. Shoot. Me.

Healthy Movement: Delightful session; nothing particularly special, just plain ol' fun. Almost squeezed in a run or sprints before yoga, but the rain turned me into a fair-weather runner. Yoga was very easy, did reveal some mild low-back tightness. Left shoulder was a little angrier in the day than before session, but perhaps a little better than it was after Tuesday's session. Good!

Fun & Play: Great morning, set up a FB group for walk-to-runners. It swelled my little heart. Good work meetings. Session. Afternoon spent setting up for RFL garage sale. Yoga and chatting with Holea. A hubs at home, holy what?!

Temperance: I unpacked and hung up all my too-small clothing at the garage sale, and did pretty well not obsessing. Yes, it is sad to fully admit they will never fit again, but it is not sad to admit it wouldn't be worth the sacrifices for them to fit again - especially when some of them are too small in the shoulders - I sure as shit ain't gonna lose muscle to fit in some shirt! Mostly my sadness was around how damn cute everything was, and that my replacements aren't nearly as adorable, since I'm a lead who can't pull off the "sexy secretary" look anymore. BAH.

Wednesday, May 7

Nutrition: Eating up those protein cookies, appreciating their portability more today. REALLY hungry today at noon, unexpectedly so, since I'd eaten an extra-large breakfast & proper snacks. Or so I thought.
Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 830p-445a, 80% quality. Re-read that: I was in bed at freaking 8:30pm, when it was still light out! But I knew I'd be up early, so it was smart. Clyde woke me at 1a like a jerk, and Hank came in to stomp around at 4a, but I managed to keep dozing. Got up feeling rested, but also totally looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow...I hope.
Healthy Movement: Still got up with both Achilles slightly tight, but that was it. Feeling surprisingly good; getting that resiliency back after the introduction of All The Things last week. Fun, challenging class. Had a fabulous turnout for the noon walk-to-run group: everyone came back, plus one who missed Monday, plus one who was convinced to just jump on in. Yeah!! Ran a little closer to my own pace this time, feeling my IT bands disliking slowness. Saw 8:30 regularly and it still felt like I was going molasses-slow. Neat-o! The evening group dropped a little in numbers but we did see some new people, and it was super duper fun! Again I disliked running as slowly as I did, starting to worry about the ITs for real. I may have to run in shorter spurts and walk while they are still running, in order to keep the right pace. Afterward, I had invited Holea to sprint but she was in need of de-stressing so we walked with Mitzi - very much a delight, and she felt loads better afterward, so that made me happy, too.
Fun & Play: All-girls class! LOTS of glistening, quite fun. Fabulous turnout for the noon outing. Fantastically fulfilling evening outing, and of course I loved the walk & talk with Holea & Mitz. Sweet pooches at home.

Tuesday, May 6

Nutrition: Protein cookies were made over the weekend. Tasty, but not really cookie-like. Not worth the effort. Handy, portable calories though.

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 945p-530a, 72% quality. Woke a couple times but always fell back quickly because I was VERY tired and went to bed so late (due to RFL meeting + single-parenting). Hubs came home at some point, first time since Saturday. That's 4 straight nights of less than 8 hours for me, not a good trend. Luckily, not drastically under, but more importantly, no commitments tonight to prevent me from turning in early.

Healthy Movement: Had tight Achilles this morning, surely from running with an unnatural gait, at the slower speed. Made me wonder how all of my noobs are feeling! Also made me wonder if I could get away with Vibrams for the noon group, then back to Merrells in the eve. Won't test it yet. (Probably won't test it at all, if I run it past Dustin first.) Delightful session, first half with Timmy! Miss my running time with her so much. Today I was worried that she might be comparing to me and feeling badly. Hopefully she's smarter than me and doesn't engage in such foolishness, but understands perspective and life situations and allathat. Left shoulder was a little angry after session, but not nearly as angry as I was at it, the stupid little jerk. It's making me wonder if a muscle-up is really worth pursuing.

Fun & Play: Seeing the hubs. Team fun. 

Interesting disappointment today: I learned one of my team members was asked to discuss some financial terms at another team's meeting, provide a little education for them. I was incredibly disappointed to learn this, because I would have LOOOOVED to do it. And it wasn't explained, but I'm positive that I was not considered because I am in leadership, and we are very much in favor of having team members share this kind of thing. It made me wish I could have all the responsibilities of a lead, without the title - unlike, perhaps, every other person in the world, ever. I detest the perception of leads as "different" and "other" so very, very much. It hurts my little heart to be even remotely thought of as "above" the team, when arrogance is, to me, the very worst character trait anyone can possess.

Monday, May 5

Nutrition: Three workouts today, even if two are easy peasy, means eating plenty of food. I love it!

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 9p-445a, 75% quality. Woke a LOT, don't know why. Still, I got up feeling pretty rested, as I was able to wake on my own & slowly accept the day. Tired around 4p though.

Healthy Movement: Got up feeling great. Did class and LOVED it, of course.

Day 1 of the walk-to-run groups! The TS outing was tough on me because I was fighting with RunMeter (love it for data-tracking, turns out I hate it for intervals, prefer to have a constant view of where we are in the interval) and also we were slow enough to bother me a bit. Only 3 folks, which made it tough to find the proper pace. Can't run too slow & anger my IT bands, but can't run too fast & leave them dejected & in the dust.

We had FORTY people at the evening group! I seriously couldn't be more thrilled! So excited. If even half of them stick with it, that's an amazing turnout. Excellent having both Brett & Mike there, and they did a great job speaking at the start, chatting during the run, and wrapping it all up. Again it was tough to run so much slower than my natural pace, but afterward I wanted to KEEP ON RUNNING, had this immense desire inside to keep on going and going. Unfortunately I had to fetch groceries & hit a meeting, but in the future I may do just that.

Fun & Play: Class. Short but nice chat with Timmy, feeling like I haven't seen her in forever. Productive afternoon. Two delightful walk-to-run groups that made my heart grow about 18 sizes. Fun Relay For Life meeting.

Sunday, May 4

Nutrition: Second breakfast yet again: weekends are the BEST. I also had a Paleo approximation of a bagel & cream cheese: yum!!! Happy girl, love feeling like a normal person. (Relatively speaking, of course.)

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 10p-545a, 80% quality. Woke often 330a onward, and Hank didn't let me sleep in, but I got up feeling good.

Healthy Movement: Achilles were both a little tight, but that's all I got from yesterday. Hooray! Did All Teh Lifts this morning. Felt a little upper-back tightness (same as driving yesterday) & very light fatigue, but that's it. Was fun. Met my Buddy for a nice long walk, which included a pause to admire sunshine, tricking water, and a loon, then was followed by a nice long talk at Trav's. So fantastic. Late afternoon, I found the time/energy to drag out my tire & KBs, so that Dustin couldn't get mad at me again for NOT playing with the tire this weekend. It didn't quite feel easy-peasy to start, so I made it light & fun, using fetch with Lexi to determine my rest periods and also my carries a couple times, walking out to the "missing" ball she couldn't find. Felt like recess! Pictured inviting my strong buddies over to play & take turns with all the toys.

Fun & Play: Lifting like a fool. Hanging with my wondertastic beloved Buddy. Playing with the pooches. ABUNDANT SUNSHINE. Paying bills, made so much easier by pumping season and my hard-working hubs. Super STOKED for the walk-to-run programs to begin tomorrow, despite the abundant food & laundry issues they will cause. Learned my sweet pea in NZ kicked off the program today (she's on Monday already) as well!

Saturday, May 3

Nutrition: Two breakfasts, everything else was tasty road-trip shortcuts: jerky, Larabars, apple, mixed nuts.

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 10p-545a, 82% quality. Why on earth don't I go to bed on time anymore? 

Healthy Movement: Body feels fantastic. 9m trail run with Greg was a total delight. Saw two deer early on, talked all things running & runners, enjoyed some puddle-jumping and wet feet. Felt easy for the first hour, started leaning toward medium for the last half hour, but I could have reached two hours still feeling decent. We had two little walk breaks across the bouncy boardwalks, couple pauses for pictures, and we walked the tail end of only one hill. Solid! In Cambridge, logged a nice long walk with Amy on the park trails, on a sunny spring afternoon. Felt extremely crunched-over after four total hours in the car, despite a focus on good posture and seat adjustment. I was super happy to break at the parents and be able to stretch out flat on the floor. 

Fun & Play: Trails with Greg. Deer! Feeling great despite nine solid miles. A fun day with my beloved Amy. I miss that girl so much. Quick visit with the parents to get RFL garage sale items. Just a fun fun day.

Friday, May 2

Nutrition: Oddly hungry all day today. Finally full at supper because HOLY SHIT I found a frozen pizza I could eat, and I ate the whole damn thing. NOM NOM NOM.

Tastiest kombucha yet - like wine!
Made me fat & happy!
Even fatter & even happier. 'Merica!  

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 915p-545a, 81% quality. Got up at 130a to let Lexi out. ARGH. Woke naturally, dozed in/out for a while, got up feeling rested.

Healthy Movement: Stiff getting up, but fairly good once moving. Ankle pain is very nearly gone. Started to feel stiffness in both lower & upper back by noon. And got tired, like standing was a chore. Was smart enough to ask myself if I should take a rest day, and knew the answer was that if I have to ask, the answer is obviously yes. So instead, Holea & I took Mizi on a short little walk to enjoy some sunshine. It was the right choice, as it will improve my odds of feeling good for tomorrow's trail adventure at SJU with Greg.

Fun & Play: Productive workday. Walk with Holea and The Mitz. Pizza pizza!! Made my freaking month, I can't even tell you. Pizza! Laziness and indulging with my many critters & Jimmy.

Thursday, May 1

Nutrition: Interesting note: calories are averaging 2315 since Boston. From 1/1 to Boston, I averaged 2285, but it got that way via bigger swings. Meaning, I had more days at a medium 2000, then some super high nearly-binge-y days. It should be obvious, but the consistently high intake feels light years better. I feel like I am eating more than enough every day. Very satisfied. No restriction.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 915p-515a, 82% quality. Solid until I started waking up: 2a, 330a, 430a, dozed from there. Was overly conscious of avoiding my left side when I started waking up, which surely didn't help. Annoyed that I couldn't sleep longer, but I need to just have my butt in bed at 9p no matter what my hubs wants to talk about.

Healthy Movement: Body is feeling better than yesterday, which is rather interesting. I did three workouts yesterday, you dig, and I don't feel trashed! However, session was a bit tougher than it "should" feel, extra fatigue, but still pretty good compared to my expectations. That sure won't teach me to NOT do everything.

Fun & Play: May is here! Es mi favorito! Bring on the greeeeeeen! A 7th person in the TS walk-to-run class. A gift delivery to Brett. Session with my BUDDY! Productive afternoon. Haircut at a new place where I was recognized for being in the paper by someone with whom I found many connections, from TS to NSS, plus her being in the community walk to run group next week! New hair stylist was a delight and again many connections, though I have reservations about the cut; will wait to judge until tomorrow, though.

Temperance: I think perhaps I may have created my desire map, or at least a solid foundation:

Two keys to remember:
Strength isn't always physical.
Happiness isn't always immediate.