Wednesday, April 30

Nutrition: Added a protein shake post-class. Nabbed a few Larabars at Elden's to save me, but really need to order a case. Also nabbed a ton of mixed nuts at Elden's...so tasty, yo!

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 9p-445a, 77% quality. Solid as a rock until 3a, then in/out until the alarm buzzed at me. Got up feeling good but looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow.

Healthy Movement: Still a little sore, but class felt great. No boys today so it was a little free-er than normal for my participants, which is a delight. I don't find them intimidating in the least, but I can see how my women might. Nothing sounded too appealing as I changed for my lunch run, until at the very last second it occurred to me to run the fairgrounds to simulate trails. It was great for the brain, tough for the body. The bonus classes are catching up to me. Telling myself I will probably only need to suck it up for a couple weeks, then the body should adapt. I hope. Yoga was super fun, Jennah showed so there was mention of El Chupacabra, we were silly the whole time, and it was punctuated by Dustin's very loud deadlifting. Happiness.

Fun & Play: Class! Running! Yoga! More walk to run talk! Bought a little gift for agent Brett. So appreciative of how much he did for us.

Temperance: Today I listened to two coworkers discussing one winning the weight-loss challenge she was recently in. She lost a bunch of weight and inches, and she was pretty small to start with. Like she probably went from 130 to 112. I didn't participate in the conversation, even though this was right next to me, because what I most wanted to do was tell her to shut up. The other person is overweight and probably now feeling like shit that this skinny person could lose 18 lbs in 6 weeks, or whatever the insane amount was, and she would struggle to lose 5. But...the skinny person has zero muscle mass, and would be easily benched by person #2, and thus I'm far more impressed with person #2's badassery, and I'd rather hear how #1 was feeling strong and loving life.

Anyway, I'm happy to report my initial reaction was not "Damn, why can't I do that?" but rather "Damn, I feel sorry for her." Because she spent 6 weeks eating next to nothing, and she doesn't look any different. At all. Perhaps if I saw her in a bikini, sure, but I don't. And even if I did, I'm certain she would've looked pretty great in her "before." 

I'm so happy to be out of that cycle, so happy to think in terms of eating enough for recovery, so happy to be satisfied with what I look like again, despite the fact that, if I've changed at all, it's for the bigger (but not much). Or that right now my face is freaking out, and for reasons I can't pinpoint, but it doesn't even bother me. It just is, and it's okay

This is such a beautiful place to be. This is where I want everyone to be.

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