Saturday, March 8

Nutrition: Trying to emulate race-day intake today. Need more water & less coffee before the run, and more electrolytes during. Thinking salt tabs.

Acne: Fiercely bad, chin in particular. No unusual foods, no meals out, all signs point to my sugar intake. And here's where I throw an epic tantrum: I'm consuming around 150g carbs/day, maybe up to 200g as I get to long-run day. That is not a lot of carbs and thus not a lot of sugar. There's a bit of processed sugar (like rice syrup in the Uberbars) but everything else is apples, banana, yams, kombucha, 2-ingredient jelly - all simple and natural. Add my GF toast at a whopping 25g/day, perhaps 50g if I let myself have an extra evening snack of SB&J. So, is my sugar and/or carb threshold seriously that low? Will it ever be possible for me to eat enough to feel good & recover well, and have clear skin besides?

Listen, I'm not expecting to jump out of bed looking like a supermodel, I don't expect perfect radiance - that just ain't in my genes. BUT I don't think it's so much to ask that I be cyst-free at 35 years old, or be able to head outside on a run without first debating whether I ought to add a little foundation, in case anyone actually sees me, because my skin is hideous. It's depressing.

Sleep: 9.25 hours in bed, 930p-645a, 83% quality. Up at 6a to let Hank out, tried to then go back to sleep on couch, didn't work out, just dozed a bit. Before that was mostly solid, woke a few times but got up feeling good.

Healthy Movement: Good. Slept in compression socks. Ran in them. Run was a bit of a failure, I was going too fast on the run intervals, and despite the walk breaks, still hit a wall less than halfway into my planned distance. Goddamn it. Proper aches all day, wore compression socks all day. Hoping I'll be able to run short both Sunday & Monday to make up for today, but a brand new pain in right front of ankle says that's probably not a good idea. Shitballs.

Fun & Play: Slow breakfast, plenty of coffee. Bill-paying happiness. Warm weather on a quiet weekend. All-out, all-day laziness after the run.

Today's #LoveYourBodyChallenge Mantra: "I am beautiful, on the inside and outside, and I feel especially beautiful whenever Hop touches my face."

It took me all day to come up with that one single example - it's the ONLY time I feel beautiful. Obviously, I do not think I am beautiful. Even when I'm looking my very best, clear skin, cute outfit, perfect hair day, etc - I only think that I look okay. Yes, great for me, but only "okay" for society. 

Which is why it seems easier to get over caring how I look, and instead focus on how I feel. Because I feel best when I forget about how I look: when I'm lifting or running or laughing with friends or snuggling with my pets, and stop thinking about my appearance entirely, that's when I am happiest. And creating more of those moments, and no longer caring about my looks, seems easier, and actually possible, compared to convincing myself that I'm beautiful.

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