Monday, March 31

Nutrition: Not particularly hungry, no cravings, but oddly...unsatisfied. And sometimes a gut ache. Just a weird day.

Sleep: Bleah. 7.75 hours in bed, 845p-430a, 81% quality. Somewhat decent, lot of tossing & turning 3a onward, and Hanky was up EARLY and I couldn't ignore him. Got up feeling surprisingly rested. 

Healthy Movement: Went back to my old pillow last night, hoping it might help the shoulder (which is now back to just left side). Feels the same, which is to say: pretty bad. Both calves very tight but not concerning. 

Left ankle hurts quite a bit, and oddly was worse in my running shoes than barefoot (I only wore them into class, not running, don't deck me!). Iced it during breakfast. Did some of class warm-up; jacks & flings didn't hurt a bit, but lunges were quite bad when that foot was in back. Pain is there when foot is flexed, pointed (mildest), inverted, everted - but if I manually move it, no pain. Also only a vague ache if I rub the area. At end of day it was off/on. Bad when I went down the hall, better when I came back. (Wearing ballet flats.)

I did a couple sets of chins in class that felt easier than at home this weekend. Thinking smaller bar = better grip. Right ham has loosened up a bit since yesterday. (Those be my happy notes.)

As I came upstairs after class, I felt as exhausted as though I'd done the class - like I could go for a nap at only 7a. Cold is lingering a bit, but I quit the vitamin C as an acne suspect. The fatigue could also be a long-run recovery issue. I don't know, but I know that I do not like feeling like junk. Since I continued feeling like junk, at noon I started to write myself an easy workout...and then somehow I got wise and crumpled it up. Mentally, I would have felt weak doing it while watching the Putnams of the world Kill Teh Weights, and physically, what I need is freaking rest, yo. Not a gentle version of anything, unless that "anything" is a nap, perhaps. 

Instead I just worked (and worked), an 11+-hour day, 630-545. Why do I do this to myself? Afternoon energy level was slightly better than morning, so I was feeling productive, I guess. 

Fun & Play: Class was fun, three newbies and none of my usuals. A challenge to instruct in a dramatically different manner than normal. 

Got a lot of work done today, despite the mild brain fog. Let myself skip an eve meeting rather than rush through the work I was doing and potentially be out late. AKA, I prioritized getting my ass recovered. 

Today's #LoveYourBodyChallenge Mantra: "I am perfect, just as I am. And I could use a little improvement." 

Aaaand, she lost me. Last day, worst mantra. First sentence: great, wonderful, fabulous. Second sentence: NONONO fucking NO

That kind of thinking is exactly what my problem has been all along: always thinking I need to be better better better, never satisfied with where I am, never good enough, never anything enough. 

Logically, I understand that we all need improvement, but for perfectionists, it's a line of thinking that needs to be brutally discouraged.

Sunday, March 30

Nutrition: Apparently not on point for a long run. Ate for recovery, though.

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 10p-545a, 89% quality. Lotta flipping over, woke at 2a (when hubs came home), but slept solidly and woke naturally. Napped post-run, 3-5p, borderline for fucking up tonight's sleep, gulp.

Healthy Movement: Body was feeling only okay for a long run. Ankle still there a little bit, but I sorta went into it feeling like I'd just run through it today no matter what, then take a three-week taper. But the 20 turned into 14 miles as my energy sources died - legs turned into cramp-ready mush, seemingly due to low fluids and fast paces. Compression socks after and overnight. Iced ankle in eve when I finally remembered. 

Fun & Play: Lazing about in the AM, reading with kitties in my lap. Sunshine! Great beginning of the run. Catching a ride from Jeanne and meeting her cute little pooch Lily. Napping with my kits. Snuggling with my lap dog while catching up on some Fallon with the hubs. 

I could barely breathe. No matter. Love my snuggle-pooch!

Today's #LoveYourBodyChallenge Mantra: ”I love my body because it allows me to express and receive love freely.” Like tolerating a 55-lb dog lounging on top o' my lungs!

Saturday, March 29

Nutrition: Pretty much perfect. I even managed to watch everyone around me devour junk food, pizza, cake, and booze, while I had a chef salad and water, and didn't feel deprived, because I was too busy enjoying the people. 

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 10p-645a, 95% quality. Coughed myself awake at 3a, up for water and bathroom, but otherwise totally solid.

Healthy Movement: Coughing is a disappointing step back with the cold, but all else is feeling improved. Shoulder is perhaps the same. Bowled one game in the evening, was actually nervous my elbow would hurt tomorrow, because I'm such a delicate flower. But I'm running, so it will be fine even if that's the case.

Fun & Play: Lazy but productive day. Errands with the hubs that included picking up my flipping tire (!). Shopping. Potential running partner tomorrow. Doggie play time. Couple hours of reading time. Meal & chatting & bowling with the NSS crew. So wish I could be a full-timer, spending every day with that group would be so much fun. 

Today's #LoveYourBodyChallenge MantraI am healthy, and my body is healthy, and for that, I am grateful.” Oh so important to remember I am not injured, as I qualify my Boston plans with "Well, it'll be a run/walk," because at this point in time, I have full confidence that I can finish that thing. That's a gift I did not have for the past two attempts.

Friday, March 28

Nutrition: Second breakfast at Trav's, is there anything better? Absolutely not!

Acne: Skin has been pretty durn clear since eliminating Uberbars. Le sigh. Does that indicate the amount of sugar? Or the type? Further experimenting required. Later. For now, easy to avoid them and ignore the acne-source obsession. 

Emergen-C has dextrose in it, which comes from corn. I also have many small whiteheads popping up. Coincidence? Doubt it.

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 930p-5a, 79% quality. Up late because of hubs, up early because of Hank. I could have used another hour, very close to the ability to let Hank out then go back to bed, but not quite. Luckily, a low-stress, easy day.

Healthy Movement: Right ham tighter than left, feels a little strained, that's odd. Left shoulder a little jacked again. I wonder if the swinging drills are aggravating; it's a position that many interweb expertz specifically criticize about the kipping pullup. On the bright side, left ankle is feeling markedly better, and sitting all day probably helped. Cold is also much better, nearly gone, perhaps my last day of C?

Did an unusual workout in the afternoon, biking for gentle cardio that rested the foot, then a very basic, gentle strength workout.

Fun & Play: Extra coffee and reading time in the AM. PTO from TS to work at NSS. Long chatty second-breakfast lunch with my Buddy. More NSS. Two pesky errands knocked out. A strength workout that was just enough blood pumping to feel really good, without pain anywhere. Evening reading AND TV laziness. Lovely. 

Today's #LoveYourBodyChallenge Mantra: "I am surrounded by amazing people, and they enrich my life so much. I am amazing too, and I enrich their lives as well." So easy to agree with the first sentence, so challenging to agree with the second.

Thursday, March 27

Nutrition: Ungodly hungry today. FEED MEH ALL TEH FOODZ.

I have reduced my coffee intake about 25%, by eliminating my "go cup" on the drive to work. It still leaves me at about 6c, which may be too much (but for a Marthaler, that's NUTHIN'!), but I'll keep tabs. If so, I can sub in some decaf on my second work cup. Or perhaps blend my home coffee to be half-caff. We'll see. I just love the taste, so it's hard to cut it out! 

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 915p-530a, 80% quality. Woke just past 2a, but fell back easily. Wide awake 415a, though, dozed until Hanky tromped through. Feel rested, better than 80% in my judgment.

Healthy Movement: Cold worsening, but still pretty mild. Feel good. Session took a lot o' modifying for the shoulder, but it was fun, mostly because I got to share the first half with Lisa.

Fun & Play: Happy team in the AM. Plotted a lunch date with my Buddy tomorrow! Productive workday. Hammock time with an engrossing book. 

Looked at my PTO spreadsheet today and realized I'm going to need to burn up about 45 hours before October, even if we take a weeklong cabin-y hiking trip in June. I could go for Fridays off, but then I tend to get bored. So I emailed my lead about taking off Wednesday afternoons, roughly every other week. That means I can go from work to LCSP or GLSP (or any SP!) and log a mid-week trail outing that will make me the happiest little accountant in town. She approved!!

Today's #LoveYourBodyChallenge Mantra: "My body and mind are incredibly resilient. They not only allow me, but encourage me, to get back up after I've been knocked down." Oof, I have not felt very resilient since 2011 or so. 

Wednesday, March 26

NutritionToday I almost told three folks that I am recovering from an eating disorder, in order to get them to leave me alone about their direct sales "wellness business" or whatever they are calling it. (It would be nice if I could just say "No I'm not interested" but I feel I need an excuse.)

Anyway, then I wondered, is that really true, the ED. So I went and took this screening test, answering it the way I would have as little as one year ago: yep, signs point to ED. No, it's not a diagnosis. But I absolutely let food control my life for So. Damn. Long. It is a struggle to find a balance where I am careful enough to eat healthy, for my intolerances, for my activity level, yet not obsess. I'm getting there. But food shortcuts like powdered greens and protein shakes and whatnot can suck a nut. Real food keeps my brain on straight.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a, 82% quality. Woke just past 12a, again at 330a (awake a while then), again at 430a. I would not call it a good night by any means, but I got up feeling good.

Tired about 3p. Fetched some tea & a snack, powered through.

Healthy Movement: Christlygodalmighty my hammies ache like I've never done a swing in my life before Monday. I guess 200 swings within 15 minutes, after a month of 0 swings, is perhaps a BIT much. But still, DIEL?

The cold is now a bit of a cough, feeling some phlegm in my breathing apparatus...apparatuses...apparati?

The right shoulder was again unhappy with even jumping jacks in my class warm-up. So I'm sort of where I am with the ankle, that a day off helps heal, but working it sets me back at least one day. So for the shoulder, I should probably avoid lifting this weekend (unless it feels normal by then) so that it gets 5 days of full rest & significantly better. Bah. Moar swingz!

For the ankle, I skipped today's run, so that come Saturday it's had 6 full days of healing. Instead of our usual Wednesday yoga, with the insanely sore hammies, decided a walk was better: get the fluids in there to flush 'em out. Happily, wee Mitzi was also up for a walking date! It was a bit chilly but delightfully fun. Except I could still feel the ankle; iced it when I got home.

Fun & Play: LAPW lunch where the speaker was Dorothy McIntyre, who helped pioneer girl's basketball as a HS sport, way back in the day. It was really damn cool, my inner feminist was thoroughly engrossed. Productive afternoon. Outing with Holea and Mitzi.

Stress Management: Had to scoot out of the lunch 15 minutes early for a 1p meeting...only to get back to my desk and discover that at 12:51p it had been moved to the end of the day. ARGH. Home internet not working until evening, when I spent an hour on it.

Today's #LoveYourBodyChallenge Mantra: "My body is incredibly smart, and I love it." This one is tough for me to accept. Usually when it is being smart, I'm hating the messages it's sending me. Like now, with the ankle. And shoulder. And cold.

Tuesday, March 25

Nutrition: Trying to find the balance between eating to heal a sick body and jus' plain overeating. Not sure I'm doing so well.
Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 9p-530a, 87% quality. I'd call it more like 90%, but SleepCycle just doesn't like my solid, deep sleep Woke once and looked at time, 230a, otherwise out cold until 5a, dozing. I felt it was a delicious night of sleep.
Healthy Movement: Oof, very sore/tight hamstrings, yet I'm feeling good, except for the cold: shifting into sinuses a little, throat is more sore than yesterday, brain is a bit foggy. But as far as colds go, it's really not bad. (Yet?) Lovely session, shoulders held up well for bench day, mi favorito. Did yoga and it was lovely except shoulders a little angry and hamstrings screaming at me.
Fun & Play: Very productive morning. Session. Dustin didn't rub it in. Holea time. Holea's client brought us both salads from Doolittle's (sadly I had to give her mine, but I happily brought the bread home to my hubs). The forecast. TONS of deer on the way home, at least 60 in the field by our house.
Today's #LoveYourBodyChallenge Mantra: "My body is unique and so am I, and for that, I am grateful."

Monday, March 24

Nutrition: Started taking Emergen-C yesterday. Also an Aleve post-workout. And I ate too much; do you know how good raw, unsalted nuts are? So much better than the usual crap. And hard to find; Target, of all places, is my best option.

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 915p-5a, 78% quality. Woke just past 2a, couldn't fall back, got up for bathroom, water, 2 macaroons. In/out 4a onward. Ugh, but got up in a good mood. 

Healthy Movement: Did class warm-up, shoulder didn't even like JUMPING JACKS, for fuck's sake. Did swings & deadlifts & squats at lunch, as a Sinkler-inspired cardio workout. Felt pretty awesome, miss doing that. Watched Lisa P pounding out the really fun stuff, though, and realize I REALLY miss silly shit like a snatch ladder. Le sigh at les goals. Very tired about 3 or 4p, went into veg mode at home.

Fun & Play: Fun class. Productive morning - launching a super slick tool that I helped create. Fun to get some sweat on in the weight room. Productive afternoon. Lazy evening

Today's #LoveYourBodyChallenge Mantra: "My body carries the markings that tell my life story. These are all beautiful and unique to me." Molly has a powerful action step today.
I want you to spend 1-2 minutes visualizing yourself as someone who is very advanced in age (80+-ish).  I want you to picture what your life will have been like.  How it will have been lived. What your body will have carried you through. 
Then I want you to write a letter to yourself at the age you are now, from the age you are then.  So if you’re 30 now, you are writing a letter from your 80-year-old self to your 30-year-old self. 
What kind of things will you say?  Do you think your 80+-year-old self will be chastising you because your thighs aren’t smaller?  Do you think she will be angry at you for not eating less? Or spending more time at the gym? 
I have a feeling that woman will tell you to enjoy every single moment that you have with your body from now until eternity.  She will tell you to enjoy all that can do, and all that it can see, and all that it will do for you in your lifetime. 
She will tell you to cherish every waking moment you have that you are healthy, and happy, and alive. 
Take her advice.  She’s a smart lady.
Read the whole shebang here. For me, thinking of this perspective is just as powerful as thinking about the way we would never speak to young girls. From a distance, we know that obsessing over our imperfect appearance is energy-wasting stupidity. So why can't we knock it off RANOW?

Sunday, March 23

Nutrition: Ate well but not a crazy amount like yesterday. Didn't restrict since I have the beginnings of a cold, lucky me!

Sleep: 9 hours in bed, 10p-7a, 95% quality. Lies! Woke at 1a when the hubs came home, didn't sleep well at all after that - lotta Lexi licking, right ear hurting, sore throat beginning nonsense. Able to sleep in, at least.

Healthy Movement: Aching feet out of bed, and right shoulder feeling pretty jacked. Did my lifting very carefully, paying attention to that shoulder, and some modifications were necessary. I couldn't even do a TGU, that up/back arm is when it hurts most. Probably shouldn't have OHP'd but it actually felt decent at the time. Also, sore throat and some sniffles. 

Fun & Play: Shopping with the hubs - just Target & groceries, but still. Workout. Amanda Trusty sharing my email. Hammock & Desire Map time, with a bonus quilt to make it even cozier. Chores done. Calm brain.

Working while the rest of the household is sleeping in...I seem to be doing it very, very wrong! (Except for the coffee.)

Today's #LoveYourBodyChallenge Mantra: "My body feels sexiest when I [insert here]." I'm going to say when I have just finished a successful workout - because my confidence is soaring so far beyond its usual levels.

Saturday, March 22

Nutrition: Ate far too many calories, given the miles I accomplished. Something like 3000, yet oddly not bingey or snacky, just really added up. Part of my brain then suggested fasting tomorrow, but luckily part of it is capable of recognizing that as ED thinking. 

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 10p-545a, 77% quality. Stayed up too late (Jimmy Fallon's fault), woke at 330a but didn't need to get up, pooches antsy at 5a. But somehow I got up feeling pretty good. Got in a two-hour-ish nap after the run.

Healthy Movement: Left ankle ache still there but seemed better, upper back much improved, feeling rested. Sat all morning before the run. Run felt fantastic on brain because it was very easy physically, but the ankle ache really started to kick in at one hour, so I decided I was safer to just walk, and only then as long as it didn't worsen. I walked 2:40 then reassessed, decided it was worsening, shut down. Iced it afterward and stayed off it.

I debated heavily whether or not to stop entirely, drop to a walk, just keep going...the little Dustin in my head was not that helpful, what with all his "I told you so!" nonsense. (Heh. I know he won't actually be happy with this proof that the trail run was a risky one I shouldn't have attempted, but...sometimes I feel like my burden in life is to prove him right.) Anyway, I wanted to just suck it up & keep going, because the pain is really quite mild, just an ache...but I'm simply not able to dance at that end of the risk spectrum like others; it's the same-footed tendon-y issue that has been a problem before; Boston is only 4 weeks away; it is more important to get my next two runs than this one, if I have to choose; and so "conservative" has to be my strategy here. Figure I'll rest from the next weekday runs if I still feel it, as I have got to log these last long runs, make sure the body knows it will survive 4.5-5 hours of forward motion on race day. Frustrated but not stressing too much. 

Feel like I may be getting a cold. Argh.

Fun & Play: Bill paying! Watched some good TV on the 'mill. iPhone, iPad both recognize dreadmill as legit word! Hot tub time. Napping. Hanky getting across his line again but returning within ten minutes, entirely on his own. FB friend who messaged me she could do two pull-ups and just had to tell someone, even though I can do "like a million!" Eve laziness.

Today's #LoveYourBodyChallenge Mantra: "My body reveals wonderful surprises to me all of the time, and I am grateful for that." 

Friday, March 21

Nutrition: Trav's for second breakfast! Overate at supper, feeling quite snacky, and I am out of salads. Dumb.

Sleep: 9 hours in bed, 9p-6a, 99% quality. Almost, if not for that hour where I was constantly woken by Lexi licking her paw. Hop even got up to lock her out of the room. I still don't understand how that can be so LOUD. 

Healthy Movement: Body feels good; little ankle ache, upper back is tight. Tried a couple sets of NG pulls at NSS, and they felt fine, but I really didn't want to jack it up completely. At home, complete laziness in front of the TV.

Fun & Play: PTO but much of the day at NSS. Breakfast with Mac & Timmy. Emails with my Buddy. Enough NSS time to do some bonus research work. Pet store visit, where I ran into the "mama" of Hank's dog park buddy. Home early to be a complete lazy ass. Jimmy Fallon time with the hubs.

Today's #LoveYourBodyChallenge Mantra: “My body is the perfect blend of masculine and feminine for me, and that feels good.”

PS, Have you noticed the wonky spacing that keeps happening in my posts? That's due to the version of IE at work that does not play nice with Blogger, and me giving up & letting go of my perfectionism, just letting it be wonky when it decides to be that way. So, I guess I'm saying: sorrynotsorry!.

Thursday, March 20

Nutrition: Jus' fine. A little hungrier than normal, but not bad, and not cravings.
Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 915p-5a, 81% quality. Um, what? Sleep Cycle, we need to talk. I was out solid until 245a, then sort of in/out/dozing/dreaming there onward. While those last two hours would have been better spent truly sleeping, those first 5.5 super solid hours more than made up for it. SC seems to think I should have big cycles up out of deep sleep, but I disagree. I would have called this at least 90%. Another hour would've been beneficial, but it was nice to wake naturally.
Healthy Movement: VERY achey/stiff feet & ankles in the AM, left ankle tendon especially angry - iced while I ate, at least 10-15 minutes. All else feels excellent. Wearing boots, again 1" heel or so. Also, wore my compression socks overnight last night.
Session was fantastic. Still feels too easy doing lightweight DLs (though I'll appreciate it come Satuday) but the MU dip work was super excellent; nailed one where I got up over the bar (jumping) from a starting point of my head below the bar. Couldn't nail it again, upper back fried rather quickly, but it was quite a rush!
Fun & Play: Sweet sleepy Hanky that I got to wake up. First day of spring. Riding the high of yesterday's run. My desk was flocked when I got to work! Good review. Good session. Nice weather. PTO tomorrow, work at NSS & also have a late breakfast with Timmy & Mac.
Stress Management: Reviews are DONE. Unsubscribing from email lists, including the TC marathon newsletter that I was once in. (Le sigh.)
Today's #LoveYourBodyChallenge Mantra: "My body connects me to other incredible women, and for that, I am grateful." Yes. I do have some truly incredible men in my life, but in my toughest times, they just can't quite relate to where I am - lacking the proper hormones, I suspect! But my wonderful women, oh, they freaking get it, and they are absolutely unbelievably 100% vital to my recovery from those dark places. Love them so much that I'm tearing up as I type this. Mwah!

Wednesday, March 19

Nutrition: Fantastic.

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 845a-5a, 65% quality. Yes, that's accurate. Wide awake about 12a, up for bathroom, water, a macaroon about 1a, tossed & turned after that. Alarm buzzed me at 455a and I wanted to hulksmash it. So. Tired.

Healthy Movement: Did class warm-up, got me into a bright mood. Feel left ankle a little still but much improved, and was very stiff getting out of bed, but otherwise I feel great. Due to not showering, hair is in an updo, which meant running with a hat would've been tricky (or required re-doing it, BAH), which meant that I pushed my run until the end of the day & made it longer, followed it with a muddy puddly fun walk as I waited for Holea to do yoga. The run was pure poetry: spring renewal, blissful, pleasantly comfortably challenging, absolutely everything a run should be, everything they USED TO BE. Where has this feeling been? How can I go from a lover of running, to such a hater, now back to this dreamy bliss? How could it have felt so incredibly oppositely different even a single week ago??

Whatever, don't ask.

Accept. Enjoy. Revel.

Fun & Play: Delightful class. Solved my need to keep re-planning class by recycling old ones - it's now plotted out all the way through Boston! JOANI came to me for an answer to validate her theory this AM, holy crap! Got through what I thought would be a rough review, it went well. Presented at all-team, voice sounded nervous but I was so not. I am somehow getting comfortable in front of 250 people? A run so good it made me feel like "a runner" again. Time with Holea. The hubs had a ham in the oven when I got home!

Today's #LoveYourBodyChallenge Mantra: "I look absolutely incredible when I wear __, and that makes me feel good." A tank top. Hot damn, do I love my arms & shoulders! To me, they embody the perfect balance of strength and femininity.

Tuesday, March 18

Nutrition: Don't mind me, I just ate Sunbutter with a spoon. Someday I'll eat this moderately...right?

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 9p-530a, 94% quality. But I woke often in AM, 3a onward felt like I was constantly flipping. Right ear hurts to sleep on, still.

Healthy Movement: Very stiff ankles out of bed, iced left ankle while getting ready. Great session, rep PR on my beloved bench! Felt great rest of day. Wore boots with 1" heels but had a lot of meetings sitting.

Got lectured by Dustin about the weekend's trail run, but I butted back with the justification that it got me out there for 3 hours, AND I did shift to the road for the last hour (surprised him!). But he has a point, which I already knew: it is only fine as long as I get away with it - but I have no guarantees I can get away with it. So why risk it? He reminded me to focus on the "only 3 more long runs" and that in 5 weeks I can do any old foolish thing I want to do, run trails all the livelong day, pound uphills, downhills, sprints, ANYTHING, but for now, hold off. It's only 5 weeks; anyone can do anything for 5 weeks. Last night already I was thinking about my Sunday workouts being forced to "easy" for only three or four more times...I think I can handle that sacrifice.

But my brain has to be working right when I hit the point in the run where I am so depleted that I think, well, fuck it all, I'm done, I'll just run Boston untrained and walk in pain for two days, but that's better than running RANOW. I'm thinking treadmill, honestly, because it means less worry about having proper nutrition ON ME. And also I can wear what I think will be race-day gear. Really, 4 hours on the treadmill? What is wrong with me?

Fun & Play: I mistakenly put yesterday's run into the "Fun & Play" section. A lovely sign! Session. Two reviews knocked out that went relatively well. Terri landed in NZ! Hammock time.

Stress Management: Snow driving. Some last-minute revamping of reviews. Septic full again, needs to be pumped, won't be until no showering tonight. Or, worst of all, flushing. Awesome!

Today's #LoveYourBodyChallenge Mantra: “My body has put up with all of my antics and it still thrives. And for that, it deserves love.”

Monday, March 17

Nutrition: Solid, other than trying to add a few calories in the eve and diving into my nuts & banana chips & cinnamon mixture. Um, there's no moderation with that delicious combo!

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a, 90% quality. What? I was constantly awake & flipping over from 1a onward. And dozing 430a until 5a. That is a bullshit assessment, Sleep Cycle.

Healthy Movement: Left lower leg a bit itis-y feeling, but otherwise feeling great. Energized. Class warm-up felt excellent, no shin issues felt as I jumped. Demo'd moves, did some chins, tried some MU swinging (ugh), did 2-minute suitcase carry finisher. Had a very solid lunch run that felt better than most, despite being LONGER than usual. The brain, she's coming 'round. HAPPY.

Fun & Play: Fun class with Bob, but I wanted to doo eeet! A good run, so rare these days.

Evening joined/met with the planning committee for this summer's half-marathon weekend in town, excited to help. They're putting me in charge of volunteer coordination, fun! Put on by a church, raises funds to send kids to a Christian athletic camp, something like that, not exactly my area of passion (hardly!), but if it gets people interested in running, I'm in. I've zero interest in racing this year, but excited to help out with others.

I've been debating my summer running goal being simply, "Train Hank to run with me." Frustratingly short runs, runs that change to walks, etc, but if I don't have a race distance that I've "got to" train for, it should work. Would still do the big fall outings of the Norseman 10-mile race (just because I was in on the 1st annual, now I need to hit every year!) and of course the Train & Stay (bestest funnest vacation evah), and support others like with the 100k-ers last year.

Stress Management: This covers both ends of the stress spectrum: I only have three more long runs. On the one hand, thank hey zeus I'm almost done with this damn training. On the other hand, only three more attempts to figure out what I should do on race day. I mean, am I really going to walk 6 minutes into the marathon? 30 minutes? 2 miles? 5 miles? I'm going to feel good enough to run for 10 miles, adrenalized by the ZOMG BOSTON brain, and all the spectators...and then I'm going to smash bang headfirst into a wall of I must go in with a strategy. And I only have three more runs to create it.

Today's #LoveYourBodyChallenge Mantra: "I am strong, smart, powerful, and beautiful, and my actions have a direct and positive effect on these truths."

Sunday, March 16

Nutrition: A bit high but happily it was three big meals with no snacks, a nice change.

Sleep: 9.5 hours in bed, 915p-645a, 91% quality. Woke often 1a-5a, recall flipping over a LOT, dunno why. Possibly long-run effects, just body working to recover? Got up rested.

Healthy Movement: Left ankle aching, deep ache inside lower legs when pointing toes, but attributed to trail footing; otherwise feeling very good, minimal stiffness. After sitting all day, logged a lifting workout in the basement - all easy, except pushed a bit on the bench press. Everything felt really good, though the left shoulder clearly told me it wouldn't like trying full dips on the rings; I was only at partial bodyweight, and it was yelling a bit.

Fun & Play: Sleeping in. Helping others (dad's bookkeeping, pal's taxes, family taxes). Visiting with taxy folks. Lifting fun. Proactive packing for tomorrow that told me my lunch run will be in 35F (I'm 100% ignoring the potential for freezing drizzle, yo).

Today's #LoveYourBodyChallenge Mantra: "My body is incredibly honest and intuitive, and for that reason, it deserves love and respect." One thing I've been thinking of today, in talking Boston to my taxy that last year's ITB/knee pain kept both me and my family away from that finish line at the time of the bombs. Thanks, body - you're amazing.

Saturday, March 15

Nutrition: Lotsa calories today, but I logged 16.5 miles, so I totally earned 'em. Included homemade pizza, noms!

Sleep: 9.25 hours in bed, 930p-645a, 89% quality. Up for bathroom/water at 130a. Pretty deep sleep otherwise. No nap, ran too late in the day. Fer dum.

Healthy Movement: Body in great shape. Logged two hours on TRAILS (!) at LCSP then an hour on the road, then walked a half hour. Pretty damn good outing, forced to the roads due to sore ankles & feet, but the rest was going well. However, once on the road the body started to die. Plugged into the iPod and tried to push but it was still MEH. If I'd had farther to go I think I would've done better, but I came into LCSP right there. Should have then logged a full hour of walking but was bored on roads and the nearby trails were either slippery or soft, so I quit early. Still, a long tough run on trails is a huge win. Happy place! Wore compression socks afterward, and to bed. Left ankle aching some thanks to the trail beating. Not concerned (yet).

Fun & Play: Sleeping in. Bill paying morning. ZOMG TRAILS. A long run that felt pretty good. Fetched more ground coffee at Caribou and now my pantry smells amazeballs. Pizza! Chilling with the hubs watching Jimmy Fallon.

Today's #LoveYourBodyChallenge Mantra: “My relationship with my body is reciprocal, so I will nourish it with love, compassion, and positive thoughts.” Oof...I certainly haven't been doing any of that. Time for a change.

Friday, March 14

Nutrition: Moderate calories today after being a little high yesterday. That may have screwed with my sleep, and I need great sleep before tomorrow's long run.

Sleep: 9 hours in bed, 930p-630a, 93% quality. Finally a longer night, but that quality is again too high. I was wide awake & up for bathroom/water/macaroons at 245a, and dozed in/out there onward. Again got up headachey & dehydrated. Legitimately felt as though I had been drinking last night. Extra funny as we are coming up on a full year since I've had a single drop of alcohol.

Healthy Movement: Body feeling pretty damned good. All day sitting, working from home in AM then at NSS, then vegging in front of TV. Enjoyably lazy rest day, though I did remember to practice some muscle-up drills in the morning. 

Fun & Play: Working from home, supervised by Clyde, and getting to pet a sweet, sleepy Hanky any time I got up. NSS. Watched a documentary about olympic weightlifting.

Stress Management: Finished my reviews, and submitted them to my lead for a once-over. Gulp. These were exponentially harder than I expected them to be, mainly because I want everyone to love me.

Today's #LoveYourBodyChallenge Mantra: "My body is worthy and beautiful, and it deserves love." Today's write-up by Molly is incredibly powerful:
Can you imagine looking into the eyes of a precious little girl and telling her that she’s not good enough? Or that she’s not pretty enough?  Or that she’s fat?
I would hope not.
So at what point does it become OK to say these things to ourselves? At what age do we stop telling girls that they are wonderful and pretty and perfect and smart and that they can do anything they set their minds to?

Thursday, March 13

Nutrition: Easy peasy.

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 930p-545a, 84% quality. Total bull - the graph looks terribly light to me, and accurate - but I'd call it more like 70%. Woke often: cats, right ear pain, licking Lexi (HOW CAN THIS BE SO LOUD). Dozed 515a onward, finally looked at the clock expecting 430a or so, shocked & annoyed to see it was so late. Got up headachey and gross, but somehow not cranky.

Healthy Movement: Body feels good. Occasional twinge in left foot. Ankles good. Session felt really good, changed up quite a few things. New deadlifts, what? Liking it!

Fun & Play: Session. Productive workday. Evening LAPW growth event with Vicki Jodsaas going through mission statement creation activities. Excellent stuff.

Temperance: Working from home tomorrow, just because I can. And so very rarely do. And I added a calendar reminder to next January, to request PTO on the day after DST change. Seriously. I am clearly one of those people simply requires a lot of sleep: face it, accept it, make it happen, and be happier. Poor sleep leads directly to mental stress. Even during weekdays, 8 hours is often not quite enough. Then when I add on the mental/physical stress of long runs, why WOULDN'T I require even more sleep? Duh, Sabrina. 

Today's #LoveYourBodyChallenge Mantra: "My body is strong, and so am I, and I will no longer apologize for either of those truths." This is the first one I didn't identify with, at least not until I thought about my mental strengths. In that sense, yeah, I don't even want to talk about them (me). But my pull-ups, sure, let's talk about them all day!

Read This: Jessica Salvaggio

It's frustrating and anger-making that even the most elite struggle with Body Image & Bodyweight in Weightlifting...if she can't let it go and focus on being fuckballs amazing, then how can I expect to?

Wednesday, March 12

Nutrition: Much bigger breakfast than normal. Added a banana AND a Larabar. Gotta try something, so I'll boost calories earlier in the day, see if that helps energy & sleep & eve snacking. Increasing calories without also increasing sugar/carbs is quite a struggle. I'm definitely over-relying on nuts, but other than eating straight damn coconut oil I don't have a lot of ideas.

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 815p-445a, 91% quality. I seriously got in the shower at 730p. I had to try something to get more than 8 hours. Sleep was more like 80%, woke often 1a onward, though I only looked at the clock at 3a & 430a. Dozed in/out about 4a onward...can't wait to just sleep in tomorrow. Hoping for 6a!

Healthy Movement: Achey out of bed, but good once moving, other than moderately sore glutes. Class warm-up & move demo-ing felt awesome and I REALLY wanted to do class, badly. Did some pulls & chins afterward, but not many...13 total over 3 sets. Dustin wants me doing the high-rep sets outside of NSS, focusing there on MU technique, but it's so out of my normal routine now that I keep forgetting. Me, forgetting pulls. What?? Lunch run was good, walked when the snow was deep. Afterward, foam rolled & logged 12 more pulls/chins over 2 sets. Trying to get consistency. Wore compression socks all day afterward. Some ache in left ball-of-foot. Yoga with Holea revealed that my hammies are incredibly tight.

Fun & Play: Class. Scored FIVE Reese's Pieces today - nice! Enjoyable run. Emailing with my far-flung besties. Yoga with Holea. Rain barrel class. 

Stress Management: So much better than yesterday, but still struggling with those reviews. 

Today's #LoveYourBodyChallenge Mantra: "My body is awesome, and every day, with everything I do, I will treat it as such."

Tuesday, March 11

Nutrition: Oddly very hungry today. DST/low sleep could explain it, but usually that comes in the form of cravings, whereas this is legit hunger.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a, 83% quality. Woke at 130a, took ages to fall back - removed right ear plug because it hurt, tried to sleep on right side, Clyde active, Hop snoring, Lexi licking, ohmygod canyouallpleasejustshutup! Also I set my alarm for 5 when it could have been 6. (On the other hand, 5a today makes 5a easier tomorrow) Alarm woke me. Angrily.

Healthy Movement: Front of left ankle pain. Low back stiffness. Session was short/easy and felt fine. Tough on the brain, though. Hearing Dustin claim that "I'm in a good place" (meaning uninjured, minimized stress, etc) should have been a boost but instead my brain immediately tacked on the addendum, "for a disaster like you." Because in terms of anyone else, I'm actually in a pretty shitty place to run a marathon in 6 weeks. But for me, this is good...because I suck (my words, of course).

I was kind of pissed at Dustin for not "getting" that running sucks right now and I don't want to do any of it; that if hills are the only thing that sounds appealing I will do it - because otherwise I will do nothing; that I am learning from my foolishness (like last Wednesday: don't do downhills) (like Saturday: keep tabs on my speed); and that I'm not being a total dumb ass like I have been in the past (like yesterday's hills: up full once, then just halves - and never at all-out effort).

And then I beat myself up because...just how is Dustin supposed to read my mind? Unless I tell him that running sucks and I feel like quitting this whole stupid attempt, unless I tell him that I am learning from the foolish outings, he doesn't know. The man is not a mind-reader (damn). But I could barely respond to him for fear of bawling, all the emotions swirling madly, hating myself for being so close to tears all the time, and with him doing all the talking it felt like I was being lectured.

And then after suffering through & writing all of that....and thinking "fuck running" for the past few days...I read a simple BAA email full of details/changes to gear & bag check, start & finish line layouts, etc. And as I read this paragraph, I almost sobbed out loud:

As you walk through the finish area, you receive, in this order: finisher medals, a Heatsheet® Warmth Retention Cape, Poland Spring Water, Gatorade Endurance Formula, Poland Spring Water, Gatorade Recovery Protein shake, PowerBar, and food bags.

I guess crossing that finish line & receiving that medal matters to me after all, if even picturing it flooded me right over with emotions. Goddamn.
At home I shoveled a bunch of slush off the driveway, big heavy shovel-loads tossed at shoulder height. In my dress & winter boots, doing some angry swearing. Good workout.

Fun & Play: Today was just plain emotionally exhausting. Not fun. I need more sleep to handle this rollercoaster.

Stress Management: Got some more info from my goddaughter that the 13-year-old I was so worried about yesterday does NOT have head trauma. Cracked skull yes, fluid in her lungs, sedated, but stable. Still worrisome, but no longer so GD terrifying.

On Friday/Monday I gave everyone on my team a box of Girl Scout cookies: their favorite flavor, which I remembered (tracked) from last year. ONE of them thanked me. The other three did not so much as mention it. Really? Is everyone in my world (not just them) an ungrateful jerk with zero manners? Yes, I know I express my gratitude more freely than normal folks, but I don't expect an engraved thank you note - a simple "Hey, thanks" in any format would sure be nice. Every month or two I give them a little treat of some kind (from my own pocket I might add, and since one of my people pays every bill, she goddamn well knows I'm not turning in receipts for these treats) with only occasional thanks. Do I quit? Or is leadership always going to feel like a thankless goddamn gig, but they probably do appreciate it, so keep doing it? 

I've been working on their reviews for like three weeks now, fine-tuning over & over, trying SO HARD to find the right balance of praise & encouragement without bullshitting them over their shortcomings. I shouldn't be rehashing their mistakes, and yet...if a review of last year doesn't include pointing out the problems we've had, what is the point of calling it a review? Let's just call it a fluff-fest if that's all it should be. Yet if I'm blunt about the issues, they're going to hate me all over again, and we've finally been having some decent morale. And also, I'm positive my own review will be full of very harsh words from them, because they get to be anonymous and bluntly avoid all the fluff. There is no GD way to win. Finally, I had to tell myself: write with love. Go ahead and verbalize the past problems in the review, but put good things down on the paper they keep & can re-read, thereby also easing their fears of having the problems on their "permanent record" - even though frankly I doubt anyone ever looks besides me. Leadership is exhausting. 

Honestly, my whole life is exhausting me; this whole spewing of brain vomit the past few days = burnout danger signs. Thought very hard about what I can do to head off this train to Crazy Town.
  • Step 1: Leave work a half-hour early as a gift to myself. (Back a step: cry all the way home.) 
  • Step 2: Set up hammock in basement.
  • Step 3: Commit to visiting it any night that I'm home by 7pm. In order to have a "good place" brain, I require quiet/reading time. With the hubs occupying the couch & TV on, I use the kitchen table. A hammock in the basement (until it can be outside) will provide a cozier, quieter, more peaceful spot.
  • Step 4: Stop letting the voice in my head ask, "I should be able to handle all this better, what's wrong with me, why am I so weak, other people have it a million times worse, every stress I have is my own choosing, why am I so fucking stupidly weak?" And instead, visualize that awful cunt, put duct tape over her mouth, tie her up, set her on fire, and push her off a cliff. Then drive to the bottom of the cliff and run her over. Get out and stomp all of her bits into ashes. Bury them. Be done with comparing.
  • Step 5: Make sure people know I'm a stream-of-consciousness type of writer who tends to overshare, and all of the above comes out when I'm deep down in the valley, and is not quite a total reflection of the state of my brain. In fact, if I were smarter, I'd delete most of it. But I'm not. (Oh shit, go back to step 4.)
Today's #LoveYourBodyChallenge Mantra: “I love my body. It allows me the privilege to move freely, and I will take full advantage of that privilege as often as I can.”

Monday, March 10

Nutrition: Fine, no issues. Wondering if I need more salt intake. Eating Paleo, and never adding it to any food normally, I probably don't get much at all. Kinda sorta need it for running.

Acne: Avoiding Uberbars for a while as an acne suspect, but not limiting Larabars too much (need the easy calories). Seems better already.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a, 79% quality. Clyde was up at midnight puking (and unlovingly kicked right off the bed where he was first horking, poor fellow), then puking AGAIN at 2a, and that time it took me ages to fall back, as he was basically trying to lay directly on my face. My right ear was hurting quite a bit so I couldn't lay on my right side, but was feeling crunched and uncomfortable on my left side. Couldn't win. That + DST + class + inability to sleep in = UGH. Got up in a good mood, somehow.

Healthy Movement: I feel great. Calves a little tight but that's it. Did class warm-up and demo'd moves (changed to lighter DB & KB for an ease-in week after two weeks out) and hot damn, I wanted to do the class SO BADLY. It was a little Spartacus-y, and I fucking love that. It is becoming more and more clear to me that post-Boston, I'm going to turn into a total meathead. Until trails re-open, anyway. Logged a long run (see F&P) and enjoyed the shit out of the sunshine, but it didn't go so well - calves died. Also felt the front-of-ankle pain on left side this time. Christ. Oh, well, still logging the time on the feet. Had two options: either run back to TS, or catch a ride with Holea to NSS, then run (or even walk) back to TS. So if I feel awesome, use it up - if not, take the help. Needed the help with the calves, and also needed the NSS bathroom!

Fun & Play: Hooky. Hills. (And while I don't need HILLS for my Boston training...I do need enjoyment, so this is what I came up with!) Holea.

Stress Management: On the return to TS from NSS, I learned of a brain trauma to a 13-year-old girl: daughter of Hop's boss, my former niece; skiing accident. No idea how bad yet, but I pretty much immediately started crying when I read the text from Hop. Scary situation, and SO much that could go badly. She could be fine, but she could also be mentally damaged, paralyzed, dead - just terrifying. So tenuous, our hold on life.

And as I tried to stop crying, and just walk, and send her the most positive vibes I could create, it hit me once again, a little harder than normal, that life is too short to chase someone else's dream. Like my dream of Boston. I don't much care about the idea of "running Boston" anymore - I've already done it once, remember? I wanted that finish line, though, as a throat punch to the motherfuckers who bombed us last year. necessary is that line in my life overall? I finished Boston in 2013. I didn't get to cross the finish line, but I will slap you if you tell me I didn't finish.

I think I am still doing it this year only to prove to myself that I have the mental strength to slog through all the training to reach that starting line. To make the sacrifices worth it. But isn't that a clear example of the sunk cost fallacy? I've already skipped 2014 tax season...finishing or dropping Boston has no effect. But what is the effect of 20 more run/walk training hours? What is the effect of quitting now and savoring my Saturdays of freedom? What is the effect of inspiring others to keep slogging despite the voices saying, "QUIT NOW"? What is the effect of inspiring others to quit the stupid fucking bullshit that they don't need to be doing?

I have no answers.

Temperance: Sometimes the person I most need to be nice me, hence the long sunny lunch "hour" gift to myself.

Today's #LoveYourBodyChallenge Mantra: "I love my body.  It has the ability to bring me immense pleasure in many ways if I can slow down to recognize it."

Sunday, March 9

Nutrition: French toast = my new addiction. Love. Especially when it's a matter of spending 30s extra turning my usual fried egg & toast into something far beyond. A drizzle of honey and cherry balsamic sauce turns it into the bestest thing evah. Surprisingly wasn't all that hungry today, a nice change from eating All Teh Foodz yesterday. Had to eat up in the eve to avoid having too few calories.

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 1015p-630a (old times), 82% quality. Woke at 430a to a puking cat, so I heard, but I never found anything this AM. Woke by Hank just past 6a. I suspect it is going to be a struggle getting up tomorrow; not only did we set clocks ahead today, but I am back to teaching class after a highly-enjoyable two week hiatus full of sleeping in.

Healthy Movement: Body feeling good other than the right ankle concern, sharpest in AM then fading throughout the day. So definitely no group run today, unfortunately. Why must I be so delicate?? Lifted instead, which my brain preferred anyway - varied the lifts (other than bench) and took shorter rests/higher reps to mix it up and avoid any sort of failure. Felt easy and fun, and a 30-lb TGU made me feel like a champ! Followed that with ball-throwing and snow-shoveling, even a trek way back through the tree line to fetch my wind-tossed UPS delivery box - thoroughly enjoying the 40F.

Fun & Play: Spring-cleaning fever has provided a somewhat-clean house. Lifting session. Playtime outside with all the pets, including kitty-snuggling on the warm deck. Grilled pork chops. YAY, SPRING!

Stress Management: I have a lunch meeting tomorrow for the LAPW philanthropic committee. I don't want to go; I don't know why I've lost my connection to this committee, but I just haven't got any passion or enthusiasm for it anymore. I can't explain why, unless it's purely a matter of timing, winter/Boston stress. I just don't wanna go. I'd rather run, maybe even run long.

Today's #LoveYourBodyChallenge Mantra:
"I love my body. It may not be 100% perfect, but it’s served me well and it deserves love and compassion."

Saturday, March 8

Nutrition: Trying to emulate race-day intake today. Need more water & less coffee before the run, and more electrolytes during. Thinking salt tabs.

Acne: Fiercely bad, chin in particular. No unusual foods, no meals out, all signs point to my sugar intake. And here's where I throw an epic tantrum: I'm consuming around 150g carbs/day, maybe up to 200g as I get to long-run day. That is not a lot of carbs and thus not a lot of sugar. There's a bit of processed sugar (like rice syrup in the Uberbars) but everything else is apples, banana, yams, kombucha, 2-ingredient jelly - all simple and natural. Add my GF toast at a whopping 25g/day, perhaps 50g if I let myself have an extra evening snack of SB&J. So, is my sugar and/or carb threshold seriously that low? Will it ever be possible for me to eat enough to feel good & recover well, and have clear skin besides?

Listen, I'm not expecting to jump out of bed looking like a supermodel, I don't expect perfect radiance - that just ain't in my genes. BUT I don't think it's so much to ask that I be cyst-free at 35 years old, or be able to head outside on a run without first debating whether I ought to add a little foundation, in case anyone actually sees me, because my skin is hideous. It's depressing.

Sleep: 9.25 hours in bed, 930p-645a, 83% quality. Up at 6a to let Hank out, tried to then go back to sleep on couch, didn't work out, just dozed a bit. Before that was mostly solid, woke a few times but got up feeling good.

Healthy Movement: Good. Slept in compression socks. Ran in them. Run was a bit of a failure, I was going too fast on the run intervals, and despite the walk breaks, still hit a wall less than halfway into my planned distance. Goddamn it. Proper aches all day, wore compression socks all day. Hoping I'll be able to run short both Sunday & Monday to make up for today, but a brand new pain in right front of ankle says that's probably not a good idea. Shitballs.

Fun & Play: Slow breakfast, plenty of coffee. Bill-paying happiness. Warm weather on a quiet weekend. All-out, all-day laziness after the run.

Today's #LoveYourBodyChallenge Mantra: "I am beautiful, on the inside and outside, and I feel especially beautiful whenever Hop touches my face."

It took me all day to come up with that one single example - it's the ONLY time I feel beautiful. Obviously, I do not think I am beautiful. Even when I'm looking my very best, clear skin, cute outfit, perfect hair day, etc - I only think that I look okay. Yes, great for me, but only "okay" for society. 

Which is why it seems easier to get over caring how I look, and instead focus on how I feel. Because I feel best when I forget about how I look: when I'm lifting or running or laughing with friends or snuggling with my pets, and stop thinking about my appearance entirely, that's when I am happiest. And creating more of those moments, and no longer caring about my looks, seems easier, and actually possible, compared to convincing myself that I'm beautiful.

Friday, March 7

Nutrition: Very snacky in the AM, the ol' "Eat All Teh Foodz" cravings, probably due mostly to work frustrations. Hard to balance that against the long run tomorrow, which is a need to eat plenty & well. Did well overall.

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 9p-530a, 92% quality. Baloney! Wide awake & up at 1245a to a puking Clyde; hit the bathroom while I was up. Took a while to fall back, and it looks like the hubs came home at about 145a, woke back up then. Solid for a cycle, awake again at 330a, and I remember looking at the time because I felt very alert. Ear plug issues, hurting the right ear, noisy pets, damn hubs. 

Can't be upset with him, though, because he was at the house of a buddy whose dad passed away yesterday. Fucking cancer takes another one.

Healthy Movement: Shins still hurt more than they should. Argh. Slight bit of upper-back tightness, in a good way. Felt great today, wanted to go home and do some lifting, but kept my rest day.

Fun & Play: Friday. Got to flock another desk right away. NSS afternoon that went pretty quickly and smoothly.

Today's #LoveYourBodyChallenge Mantra: "My existence is a miracle. I am not here by accident. My life has purpose and meaning, and that purpose and meaning is to be a motivator & role model in all areas of my life."

Thursday, March 6

Nutrition: Did you know you can turn 6 Brussels sprouts into HEAVEN with one little slice of bacon? Truth.
Sleep: 9 hours in bed, 845p-545a, 100% quality. Wha? Up at 245a for bathroom, and the alarm had to wake me. Not no 100%, yo - especially when the graph shows me awake 145-245a. Dumb thing. It was maybe 90%, still good; I got up feeling pretty well-rested.
Healthy Movement: Still some shin-muscle soreness, more than I was expecting to linger into today. From only 6 minutes of [fast] downhills? Gulp. Session was fun, easy. Messed up on ring pulls, was supposed to do AMAP first set, then high, but I started out high straight out of the gate - burned me up. Oh well. Yoga after work again, this one a high-speed version almost, felt awesome to work hard and then just streeeeetch and chill. Wore compression socks to bed.
Fun & Play: Building a slick reporting spreadsheet. Session. Yoga. Pets. Yummy supper.
Temperance: I feel better about my emailed rambling nonsense to Dustin yesterday, as it is exactly what Nia Shanks wrote about yesterday, too! Now I feel like a genius.
Today's #LoveYourBodyChallenge Mantra: "I am strong enough to train for Boston yet again, and I am proud of that."
A response to the challenge, shared from another: My body is amazingly flawed, amazingly imperfect, amazingly STRONG. - I absolutely fucking love that.

Wednesday, March 5

Nutrition: Another low-ish day planned, but given lingering soreness from yesterday plus downhills plus sled pulls, I ate up plus added more carbs, like a smarty pants.
Acne: Reacting to something. Too many Larabars? Nuts?
Sleep: 9 hours in bed, 9p-6a, 98% quality. Totally solid until 4a, in/out from there onward. Got up feeling decent.
Healthy Movement: Body feels great. Spring fever had me wanting to do hills at lunch; compromised & did only downhills; they felt awesome. Afternoon started feeling sore upper body from bench, little bit of squats in the legs. Composed a long rambling email to Dustin about changing my programming. Poor dude, this is why I give him treats all the time - he earns them! Sled pulls with Holea after work. Eve, had a bit of left foot ache, bit of shin ache (both), but I imagine they'll be fine. Forgot compression socks today, like a dummy pants.
Fun & Play: Chit-chatting with coworkers, emailing with my Buddy, abundant sunshine. Time with Holea. Hubs time.
Today's #LoveYourBodyChallenge Mantra: (adjusted for me) "I am capable of  pull-ups, and that’s awesome. In fact, I am capable of anything I set my mind to, that I am willing to work for. Like muscle-ups!"

Tuesday, March 4

Nutrition: Back to normal today.

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 915p-545a, 79% quality. Felt like I woke constantly to flip over. Shitty, but I got up feeling pretty good.

Healthy Movement: Body feels great. Session was too easy. I hate it when deload week comes and I'm feeling awesome. I actually kind of hate 5/3/1's programming for that set specified cycle. My body and brain rarely match your 4-week plan, ol' Jim. Wouldn't it make more sense to lift heavy when I feel like it, go high volume when I feel like it, and deload when I feel like junk? Yeah, absolutely, but how is Dustin supposed to write a program for that, without a crystal ball? Pulls were down a bit but due to shorter rest than Dustin gives (I think), and also using the deadest legs I could muster. Even though I should probably work on kipping. Yoga after work with Holea, lovely.

Fun & Play: Slow-moving morning. Flocked two of my favorites, and at the end of the day I got to move the flocks to the new recipients, such fun! Productive afternoon. Yoga fun. Watched some Jimmy Fallon with the hubs and Hanky.

Temperance: I am doing Molly Galbraith's 28-day Love Your Body Challenge. You should, too.
Today's mantra:
My body is my home. It’s the ONLY place I have to live. I will treat it with the care and respect it deserves.
Pretty nice, huh?

Monday, March 3

Nutrition: Utilizing Monday Mode to put bigger-than-baby steps in effect today, like one egg at breakfast, smallest yam at lunch, jerky for supper, etc. Coming in rather low-cal at 1600; will let that slide for a single day, then back up to normal levels tomorrow.

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 9p-545a, 97% quality. That's too high; woke often 3a onward, got up angry but good once I got moving. No podcast in my ear until after breakfast, I think that helped a lot.

Healthy Movement: Body is feeling good. Had a fairly pleasant lunch run. Wore compression socks afterward. Little weirdness in left foot as I went, sometimes, but nothing after the run.

Fun & Play: Tea gram from my Buddy. Pleasant run. RFL meeting.

Stress Management: Really sweet words from a fellow runner after I told him that if I could send him to Boston in my place, I would, because he deserves so many AND such huge props for inspiring and encouraging people like he does. Here was his response:
Ah, thanks Sabrina!  Remember, you were one of the original ones who encouraged and inspired me, and I am just paying it forward.  If you find something that changes your life, you have to want to share it right?!?!  :) 
Also, for the record, my single greatest fear is sustaining an injury that sidelines me for months and months, and then fearing if I would ever be able to regain the fitness level to go out and do another marathon.  You are overcoming that monster right now, coming off of a nagging injury that took you down for a long time, and yet here you are, lacing them up time and time again in the worst MN winter since like 1492 and preparing to run the BOSTON freaking Marathon!  On what will be the most awe inspiring, commemorative and truly awesome of all Marathon Mondays in the history of Marathon Mondays!  Screw the time, if you cross the start line and the finish line, you WIN!  Keep on keepin' on my friend!
Some day I will run Boston... I'm not sure when or how, but I will do it.  All in due time.  Here's an idea, think of 26 people that would give ANYTHING to be there in Boston on that morning, and run 1 mile in honor of each of them.  Save your fastest one for me. :) 
I can't wait, I am so excited for you guys, plus I think the group going out would just be so much fun to hang with. 

Sunday, March 2

Nutrition: Working off my weekday template today. After two high days, time to get back to basics.

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 10p-615a, 93% quality. Bull! I was dozing 5a onward, wishing I could fall back. Got up telling myself I'd be able to nap. And I did, got 2 hours in immediately after my PWO lunch. Winning!

Healthy Movement: Body feeling pretty darn good. Bit achey straight out of bed, but movement felt good. Left knee giving some sharp post-long-run pain, mostly up stairs, but not consistently so. Since I got all 4 "weekend hours" in on Friday night, today I got to lift. Wanted medium volume & weight on lower body, heavy singles on upper, lots of pulling. Most of it felt sadly weak, deadlifts especially so. I mean, I even brought the scale downstairs to double-check the barbell weight, that's how weak I felt! While frustrated since yesterday was total rest, I have to concede that even a long run/WALK will cause lingering fatigue issues. (Yeahbutstill!)

Fun & Play: Sunshine. Didn't need to go outside into what is hopefully the last stupidcold day. Fun with the squat rack. Naptime. Productivity. Pets.

Saturday, March 1

Nutrition: Stuck in the car all day, too many snacks given zero movement. But, whatevs, helps recovery.

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 930p-615a, 95% quality. Flipping & flopping around 230-3a, otherwise fairly solid. I do remember aching hips as I turned over.

Healthy Movement: Body is aching a little bit; wore compression socks all day. No damn movement, really: 4 hours in a car to visit Amy & Maya, sitting 4.5 hours there, then 3.5 hours to the parents' (non-stop). I did a bit of mobility while there, playing with Taco, never sat down. Then home and to bed.

Fun & Play: The drive felt long as hell, but I got to speed plenty, and it was a lovely visit with Amy & baby. Desperately wishing it weren't so damn far. There was a stretch of road near the state line that was really hilly, and it made me want to get out and run - haven't felt that urge in a long while!

Friday, February 28

Nutrition: Pretty high-cal, due to long run. And second breakfast. (Justified by long run.)

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a, 85% quality. Graph shows me awake until 10p, and awake again at 4a. That ain't no 85%

Healthy Movement: Body felt pretty good all day. Sat most of day at NSS. Numerous errands meant I waited until 4p to get on treadmill. The 4/2 run/walk combo seems ideal; the longer recovery time feels huge and thus makes it feel like a piece of cake. Really felt like I could've lasted four hours of that combo, if not for the stupid blisters. I guess my Boston shoes will be my blue Merrells (which were in my locker at work). Happy to say that mentally, I was in great shape - I never desperately wanted to quit like last week. That's a WIN! Wore my compression socks to bed.

Fun & Play: NSS. Took both dogs out venturing. Had a lovely second breakfast with Miss Holea. Some banking things accomplished that made me feel like a financial genius. Accomplishing my 4 treadmill hours all at once rather than needing to spread over the weekend (my backup plan). Wonderfully encouraging words from my people.