I am terrified to say ‘I never want to compete again’, and I am terrified to say ‘I will compete again’. The truth is, I am scared to stay with something when such a big part of me constantly whispers ‘just be done’, while another part of me says ‘you’re not finished… quit holding yourself back’. All signs aside, for now I am going to train as hard as I am able to every time I put on my shoes. I will be as tough and fierce as I allow myself to be on any given day. I will lift the bar because I love it, and not because I feel obligated to do so. I will be happy for what the platform gives me, and I suppose I need to learn that whatever choice I make will not make me any less of a person or any less of an athlete. I can be amazing without being the best weightlifter. Right?
Today, I can’t find my motivation and I do hope it comes back. But the important thing I feel I have learned is that if it doesn’t come back there must be a real good reason. And if I never have it again, I will be okay.http://www.catalystathletics.com/articles/article.php?articleID=1692
Aimee's struggle is with whether or not to compete in the Olympic lifts, so I can't fully relate, not dealing with the same problem exactly, but I can relate to the emotional upheaval and the seesaw back and forth about what she really truly wants.
I want to love running, but right now I don't. I want to be in the woods where even if the run is hard...nature soothes my soul. My soul is decidedly NOT soothed by winter running.
And the line, "I can be amazing without being the best weightlifter. Right?" is absolutely killing me dead. Positive self-talk, but massive self-doubt.
I can be amazing without being the strongest/fastest/endurancest. Right?