Thursday, December 5

Nutrition: Food prep-as-you-go: made 6 supper salads tonight, ate one. I guess I can accomplish some things during the week after all, but only when absolutely necessary.

Forgot to mention that yesterday Dr H also asked if I wanted to try a 10-day detox to get off the sugar and I told her no fucking way. Again, I know that would put me in the front row on the express train to crazy town. Glad I'm smart enough to recognize those triggers. Also, why would I want to feel like shit for 10 days?

Last night it took until 9p before it occurred to me that I might lose weight if I cut out sugar. I do thoroughly love that fat loss was not my first thought, for once. I was, instead, immediately obsessing about how I will get enough calories to fuel my workouts, but without actually counting the stupid little hatewads. And I still don't have an answer.

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 9p-515a, 78% quality. Woke often 130a onward. Dozed about 415a onward. Got up feeling decent though I was tired all day at work.

Healthy Movement: Low back was still very stiff overnight, flipping was painful, but was good when I got up. Until I had spent an hour standing at my desk, at which point my back was just plain hurting, and I was tired, and my eyes were already glue-y. Dafuq? Gave serious consideration to going home early/sick to nap. Can't tell how much of my lethargy is low calories vs low mental state vs legit fatigue.

Session was excellent; a little disappointing in some ways, but I didn't really have any expectations, so it was lovely. Also, I got to do TGU drills with a real live kettlebell, which felt badass.

Had a nice moment as I listened to a podcaster brag about how tough his mom was: she could do THREE PULL-UPS! Yeah. Wow...that sure puts mine into better persepective.

Sat most of the afternoon; just very tired. Feeling very frustrated at that, why so damn tired lately?

Fun & Play: Hank spent the night on a pillow in the bedroom, right next to Lexi. Sweetness! Session. Coworkers cycling through with their little ones to see Santa. Supper with the hubs. Tolerant kitties.

Stress Management: I wish I could be a bear, crawl into my cave, and see you bitches in April.

I had a light-bulb moment on why I've been struggling to accomplish my daily mentoring journaling: I am unhappy with what I do all day. At work, all I can think about is how I'd rather NOT be working, but at home, all I want to do is sit on my ass and read, delve into someone else's life, ignore mine. That's like a path to depression right there, isn't it?

After I did the above complaining, I sat down with pen & paper and started writing the things I hate about my life. Filled a page (a small page). Then I turned to the next and started writing the things I love about my life. A little harder to do it, but I still filled a page. Then I got up in a better mood.

Working on reviews in the afternoon, I came across something I wrote for my old lead, the one who left a year ago: I wouldn’t love my job half as much as I do if I had a different lead. This is still SO TRUE. I do like my new lead quite a bit, but I also like my new job quite a bit less. And I know that she had a similar effect on everyone else, and four of those poor saps now have ME for a lead, and I feel like I am living up to abbout 10% of her standards. I feel like a failure, and that always does terrible things to my brain.

Grateful: For dogs who curl up on tiny towels despite rugs and pillows everywhere:

Silly Hank!

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