Tuesday, November 12

Nutrition: Really good. Too busy to think about it. (In a good way.)

Sleep: 9.75 hours in bed, 830p-615a, 98% quality. Did NOT feel that great, though: Lexi acted up at 130a, Hop let her out but I still woke up, and got up for bathroom & water. Couldn't fall back, got back up for macaroon, more water. Still took ages to fall back, I know I saw 230a. Mind kept diving down work alleyways, had to consciously shut it down. UGH. Slept solidly until alarm buzzed me, got up feeling tired yet. Argh. Once I got moving, I was feeling much better.

Healthy Movement: Body is feeling good. After hauling trash can to road in morning, I ran back to the garage (cold bare legs!) and the calf muscles felt tight as hell, but today is not a running day, so no worries. Had today's session with CJ, since Dustin is new-baby-parenting, and it is deload week, thus nice & easy. BOO to deloading, especially when I feel so good - but it did mean extra time playing around with swing technique. But CJ made me deload on pulls, come ON, man!! I gave him plenty of grief for that. Although, if it means I boost my count next week, I'll happily go back & kiss his feet.

Post-session I talked with a coworker about my 5000 pull-up goal. She can do 3 or 4 pulls now, and she was wondering whether or not she'd be able to set such a goal. You KNOW I encouraged her, and you KNOW I'm going to hound her in January!

Fun & Play: While Lexi was a PITA overnight, Mr Hanky wasn't! Three straight nights inside, hooray! I've got to migrate him to a pillow, though, so wet winter paws stay offa my couch.

Temperance: My lead both sent me an email AND pulled me aside today to stress that the review my direct reports provided is more indicative of THEM than of the job I am doing. I love her.

Yet I still had a little breakdown in the eve. The comments that bother me most are the things I would least like to hear about myself: I'm not approachable, I'm not trustworthy, it's all about me. 

Even though I told myself that these comments are flat-out untrue and reminded myself that I've heard the exact opposite many more times, what sticks in my head is the saying "the customer's perception is your reality." So even if I am truly approachable...these two people think I am not. Therefore, I am not. At least, not approachable enough for them. 

So I have to adapt & accommodate & appease, which is not unreasonable. It's a fact of leadership, and adulthood in general, right? And yet I just want to shake them and demand they act like fucking grown-ups. I have shit to do, you have shit to do, so let's get it the fuck done and quit wasting time whining about the other shit! Ugh. I shouldn't be a lead. Do I really have the patience for all this hand-holding? And on the other hand, why can't I focus on the GOOD comments?

Grateful: That my neighborhood doe & two fawns are still alive. They walked through the back of our land this morning, and it made me so very happy to see those sweet round ears. I know that hunting is necessary, but dang it, I just love seeing those beautiful, peaceful creatures so close.

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