Thursday, October 17

Nutrition: Decided I can give up cookies in order to keep breakfast toast and the occasional English muffin indulgence, and be satisfied with that. Also decided that it should be easy to make this a low-carb weekend just to prove to myself that I can.

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 930p-545a, 80% quality. No, more like 60%; wide awake 115-230a, got up for bathroom, water, honey, still took ages to fall back. Too big of a supper.

Healthy Movement: Right inner shin still/more tight. Lovely session, though my weight gain is showing in my pulls & dips, getting frustrated.

Did some math today (or rather, Excel did) and to hit my 2013 goals, I would have to do the following:
-burn 37 calories per day
-do 13 pull-ups per day 
-run 3.2 miles per day
First two: easy peasy, gonna smoke those. Last one...possible, but barely. That's 22 miles/week, which is nothing for someone who only runs, but a bit more challenging for me. I'd have to hit another 237 miles this year, and I've got 249 on my plan...not much cushion, especially when my plan is more of a guideline than a "must do." Or, at least, it has been. I may need to change my mindset.

Fun & Play: PTO tomorrow! Good progress on the giant work project. Session! Even more progress on the imposing work project. Rain meant the hubs was home.

Personal Growth: This morning I scanned my bookshelf for items to donate at work...I was finally able to part with the Spanish for Dummies book, as I looked at it and realized it's been a LONG time since I've seriously thought about relearning Spanish. And unlike my usual state, that did not make me feel like a failure. I can confidently say this is already a result of my mentoring work. Already able to focus more clearly on the things that are important to me and let the distractions fall away.

I had a nice compliment from Dustin: "Mike asked me if I had help from Sabrina on this spreadsheet that I made by myself. I took that as the best possible compliment on my spreadsheet skills!" I was riding high! This revealed another little clarification for me: I ADORE being known as an Excel guru, and I also ADORE sharing my skills and nuturing young grasshoppahs to expand their knowledge in the areas I feel some expertise.

Temperance: As I walked behind my mentor in the hall today, and did my usual belly-check in the window reflection, I realized I would be completely embarrassed to admit to him how much my appearance matters to me. Because it's dumb. It's a complete waste of my TAGS (talents, abilities, gifts, skills - props to yesterday's speaker!) and my [limited] energy. It's just plain dumb. If I'm nicely presented, not a total slob, that's all anyone will notice. Move on.

I was mentioning to Dustin that the weight gain is only making me upset due to its impact on my pull-ups and tight clothes, and he said, "I know you recognize it's big progress, but I also know you don't recognize just how far you've truly come for you to be able to say that. I'd say it's a PR. Once upon a time, for a long time, you measured your self-worth by that." God fucking damn, did I ever. And it's still very close to the surface, but I'm now truly aware that it's completely fucked-up thinking, and I'm doing my best to drown it permanently.

Grateful: For Lisa. Today is her 8-year anniversary, and I can't fathom enjoying TS half as much without her!

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