Saturday, June 29: W30D13

Nutrition: Again a snacky morning, and a snacky evening. What up?

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 1015p-545a, 86% quality. Should've turned in earlier. Could've slept later but for pets. Energy stayed fine, no need for a nap.

Healthy Movement: Felt okay (not great) and debated taking the OH press workout down a notch, but I didn't, because things felt good once I was moving - as they usually do.

Not so good: elbows! But not bad, more so just a touch of "Hey, hey, watch it there, girly" that kept me from adding more chins later on. Chins in workout: 7, 5, 5, 5.

Fun & Play: Dog park. Basement lifting, with green grass & chirping birds - though they were barely audible over Pandora. SUCH an upgrade from the cement block in our old house. In the eve, watched a whole movie. Whoa!


That I own one of these...
...with a view like this.

Friday, June 28: W30D12

Nutrition: Felt snacky today. Caved a bit. Damn cashews. Acne is quite bad. Damn cashews?

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 9p-545a, 92% quality. Sleep graph shows me waking at 1a & 3a, but I do not recall that happening a'tall. SOLID restful night. Yeah, baby!

Healthy Movement: Ran 3.33m between jobs. It was a message to Holea, my missing Friday sprint buddy. It didn't feel great, even walked a couple times. Hoping I was just over-heating. If I'd been in the country, I think I would have ditched my shirt. (And it wasn't even 80.) Also walked ~.75m to start/from finish of run.

2 kippy pulls while attempting muscle-up. I suspect coordination will be a much bigger issue than strength. Good luck, Dustin!

Neck/shoulder issue almost gone, though could feel it on those two pulls, smart enough to stop there.

Fun & Play: Silly run. Fetch and training with Hank. And even two TV shows, whaaat??

Stress Management: Thinking more and more seriously about running Boston. As I've said, I WANT to do it. As I've also said, I have to figure out how to make the training happen.

The key is to, somehow, return to the line of thinking I had while training for TC Marathon, or for the Train & Stay...the thought process then, on a Friday, was "I get to do my long run tomorrow!" whereas the past three winters the thought process has been, "I have to do my long run tomorrow." Huge huge huge difference.

Still thinking about it very cautiously. Avoiding the "Yes, do eet!" people - I've got to get the Chief's best advice on this, because "my" people all believe I can do absolutely anything I try to do. Remembering this post.

Grateful: For the trust placed in me at job #2. No problem letting me work there solo while they fill their brains two states away.

Thursday, June 27: W30D11

Nutrition: Easy peasy.

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 915p-545a, 81% quality. Up around 1a for bathroom & water & cashews, fell back easily. Sleep graph also shows me awake 11p-12a, but that so didn't happen. Musta been Oscar.

Healthy Movement: Felt great when I got up. Had a nice OH press session with my BeloveBuddy Joy at the Y, though right neck/shoulder got a little angry. Not locked up, thankfully. 

Fun & Play: PowerBuddies UNITE! Dog park!

Grateful: For my current wise perspective on body image and health, which I hope helped a dear friend with hers. 

Remember, folks, no one else really cares what you look like. Your loved ones love YOU and want you to be healthy. Period. Your body comp has zero relation to your worth. 

You're amazing just the way you are. 

Wednesday, June 26: W30D10

Nutrition: Acne is improving but still getting new breakouts here & there. Possibly over-reliance on nuts? Going to keep up the same intake though, since my first Whole30 took a solid two weeks to finally see skin changes. If there's still new acne next week, then I'll back down on nuts. I guess. Damn.

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 845p-430a, 77% quality. Better than that. And the graph looks better than that, too, I have no idea why the quality is that low. More quantity would've been nice, but I'm feeling rested. I woke about 415a due to Oscar, wasn't h/s/g but had to hit the bathroom; couldn't fall back right away so I just got back up.

My bro called me at 930p and I talked to him (mulch questions, exciting stuff) yet the app doesn't show me awake then. WTF?

Healthy Movement: Evening hill run with my bestie Lisa: easy version, 4.42m, piece o' cake. Body is feeling good pretty much every single day, and plenty of energy for post-work workout, which I haven't felt in ages. (Hooray for high calories!) Scheduled zero day for pulls.

Fun & Play: LAPW meeting where three of "my" nominees won awards - we even surprise-delivered one to an absent member - superduper fun! Hills with Lisa, fetch with Hanky, a lovely evening.

Grateful: That I am awesome, and so are you.

Tuesday, June 25: W30D9

Nutrition: Fought Larabar cravings this morning. Persevered, but WTF, bad habit, go away!

Sleep: Blargh. 8.5 hours in bed, 915p-545a, 81% quality. Up and h/s/g 1-2a or so; usual bathroom, water, cashews, racing brain. Took a while to fall back; glad my alarm was set for a "late" 6a rather than the usual 5a.

As I lay there analyzing my intake, I wondered if I should be tracking after all, so I can look back and pinpoint the cause of issues like this. But I don't want to track. At all. Sick of it! I decided that if I get to the end of the Whole30 and still have sleep issues, THEN I will start tracking again to see if it's a matter of calories too low or what. Until then, sticking with the non-obsessing.

Listen, I'm dumb about a lot of things, but I am a genius at the importance of sleep. One night last week, I took this picture just before going to bed at 845p:
I suspect plenty of children are still up when it's this light outside.

Healthy Movement: Body is feeling decent; no specific aches or pains, a bit fatigued in terms of endurance, though. Session was fantastic! Ring pulls: 8, 6, 6, 5.

First 13 pulls today put me at 2500 YTD. People, I am not bragging when I talk about this. Half of the time, I'm still utterly amazed I can do ONE fucking pullup after being so pathetically weak for so much of my life.

Finally reading the Runner's World magazine that's all about Boston. And also was talking about Boston today with Dustin and had a message from Shawn about housing. Argh. I am still vacillating back and forth from one end of the spectrum to another. I do want to run Boston next year. I do not want to fail in my training again. I am sorta making a list of things that would have to change in order for me to be able to do it: not work at the tax firm, not teach class, etc.

Fun & Play: Session! Dog training class with Hank outside in the grass!

Grateful: For - go check out her latest:

I'm Awesome and So Are You

Monday, June 24: W30D8

Nutrition: Added coconut OIL to my coffee this morning, rather than milk. Noms. Poor PWO nutrition today: only had an apple, not the starch & protein I was supposed to have - I was going to have a Monday banana, but they were green and useless (until Friday, anyway). Poor planning, Sabrina! A home in eve I made steamed veg...while I showered. How's that for multi-tasking?!

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 915p-5a, 81% quality. Woke regularly but never h/s/g. Wide awake at 4a and nearly got up, but managed to keep dozing, no thanks to Clyde & his GD bed-scratching. Good start toward recovering from the weekend, but only a baby step.

Healthy Movement: Feet sore when I got up, rest of body is feeling decent. Session was pretty great; bench matched my PR (95x8) but it actually felt EASY. Bomb dig! Also got to go above a 95# back squat for the first time since I hurt the low back a month ago. FINALLY. NG pulls in session, 8, 7, 6, 6.

Fun & Play: Two team meeting that went pretty well. For lunch I ran an errand and ate lunch at Goose Park. Sunshine, critters, a dude feeding the ducks, and, well, one creepy older guy lounging on his bicycle, drinking a root beer, 10' from my passenger window, in an otherwise empty lot. Erm.

Stress Management: Helpful way to get shit done? Log out of FB at work; puts a mini-but-effective roadblock in when experiencing shiny-object syndrome.

Grateful: For crunchy apples.

Sunday, June 23: W30D7

Nutrition: Food prep: slow cooker chicken (topped with TS spice) put in last night/today at midnight, makes 6 lunches. Half-dozen yams for breakfast/lunch baked yesterday, made in the 9x13 pan with leftover ham drippings. Two packages breakfast sausage cooked, makes enough for 8 breakfasts. 6 salads made: bell peppers, celery, carrots, cauliflower, spring mix. Not done, will be on tomorrow's agenda: stir fry x6 to go with the chicken.

Sleep: 7 hours in bed, 1245a-745a, 53% quality. 53%!! Completely accurate. Woke a couple times, uncomfortably hot. Wide awake at 5a because my phone was buzzing as though the alarm were set, which it was, but for 8a. RAGE. Got up and hit windows (raining) and ate some cashews (trying fat source) and went back to bed wanting to cry. Managed almost 3 more hours, this time my legit alarm, though I should have shut it off because I needed at least two more hours. Got up feeling like ass. Tired, bitchy, defeated.

Today's Whole30 Daily was all about good sleep and it made me nearly bawl. I KNOW how important sleep is, what the hell am I supposed to do when I can't sleep?! Have changed my mind on last night's races: absolutely not worth the late night.

Healthy Movement: Was planning a rest day unless I felt amazing and wanted to log a short run. Guess which. Spent all morning on the computer then on feet in the kitchen making food for a little better postural movement, then on butt again at the in-laws' for Father's Day. Stuck with planned rest from pulls.

Fun & Play: Solid 4 hours at the in-laws' were spent outside. Just what my barin & body needed today.

Stress Management: $1000 dollars spent on Hank since we got him, from adoption fee to fence to chewed-up harnesses to training class. Holy crap that's $1000 we did not have planned to spend. GULP.

Grateful: Given how ungodly tired I was today, I was grateful to be on the Whole30 program; otherwise, I would have been overeating Larabars and fake bread and the like.

Saturday, June 22: W30D6

Nutrition: Grocery shopping, mine: avocados, yams, cashews, almonds, kombucha; husbands's: chips. Ha!!

Sense of smell is weird today; we stopped at Arby's on way to races, and while the roast beef smelled amazing, the curly fries smelled like old deep fryer grease. Disgusting & a bit sickening. At the track, my BIL's bag of teriyaki jerky smelled like old rotten meat, again it turned my stomach. Strange. 

Appealing: the track has a bacon pork burger. I think I need to make me one of those, no? Brought as supper snacks: jerky, cashews, pumpkin seeds. No veg, but a decent effort.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 10p-6a, 77% quality. Woke at 330a (Hop's phone) and was nearly h/s/g, not quite wide awake either. Took nearly an hour to fall back, overheated and overtired. Got up feeling a little awful, but had 730a date w/ my fave running buddy. Suck it up, li'l buttercup!

Afternoon nap 2 hours, 1230-230p. Fitful and not too restful for the brain, though good for the body. Needed the nap to stay awake at races, but was bummed to take it when the weather was so gorgeous, sunny but cool. Would have loved to veg in hammock reading, but then I would've been very tired and very cranky and very unfun at the races.

Healthy Movement: Easy hills with Lisa - 4.33m, walk up & run down - but the first half mile felt like pure torture. Everything felt awkward and slow, like I needed a greasing, or was wearing work boots! Drank more water than I usually manage, but I suppose it was the cumulative effect of heavier deadlifts, sprints, and perhaps a teensy bit because it was my 8th straight workout day. Got better as we went, though we shut down without the planned trails to finish. Just D-U-N done. Rest day from pulls as planned. 5 hours sitting at races made me stiff and sore. Gross. This body is now made for movement.

Fun & Play: Time with Lisa, dog park, nap, great races, lovely day!

Grateful: For awesome racing. Dirty and loud and late, but awesome!

Friday, June 21: W30D5

Nutrition: Today = struggle in the AM. No power at breakfast meant jerky, Larabar & apple - no vegetables. Also no coffee. Felt like a zombie by 9a. Over-indulged on cashews for an AM snack. Also, finding added sugar in jerky, salsa, so a bit of a fail there, but I wouldn't say I'm coming off a sugar-addiction so I'm not too worried about those added amounts.

Sleep: Awful. 8.25 hours in bed, 915p-530a, 79% quality. 'Twas much worse than that - Hop's phone screamed emergency alert at 1230a & again at 1a; up then for bathroom. Felt like I woke constantly after that. At 5a, there was thumping, which turned to by my own pulse, but it seriously sounded like someone was hammering in the garage. Awful.

Healthy Movement: I guess the movement of squeegee-ing water in the basement was probably good mobility work, if mental stress. Sat at TS, no standing. Ten sprints with Holea, noticed we are taking about the same number of steps, but her strides are longer. She told me to pick up my knees. I stayed closer to her, but probably only because her energy started to flag toward the end. Right hip flexor didn't tighten up this time. Blister bottom if right heel. NG pulls at NSS, 8, 6, 7, 5, 5, 4; half hour apart. Max each time, BIG difference compared to last Friday's 75!

Fun & Play: Silly Hank drinking & playing in the water. Sprints in the park with Holea. Time outside waiting for tonight's storm was not THAT fun, but it was time in nature, at least.

Stress Management: 3" of water in the basement is a tad bit stressful, no? BLECH. And like six more nights of storms to come...jesus aitch!

Grateful: For such a patient husband, and his generous boss who told him to bring the generator right back home in anticipation of tonight's storm.

Thursday, June 20: W30D4

Nutrition: Super-dee-duper nutrition bonus: today was the first Ploughshare delivery.

I'm reading the Whole30 Daily and feeling like so much doesn't apply to me because my diet was NOWHERE near the SAD most people are coming from. But I'm still benefitting by doing this, because it's keeping me from nibbling stray Reese's Pieces or tacking a Larabar onto breakfast, or other such crutches. Oh yeah, and I'm not freaking TRACKING. Though unfortunately I'm still obsessing; see "Sleep."

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 9p-545a, 90% quality. Not at all. I was awake and h/s/g at 2am; hit the bathroom, ate one date, drank some water, took an eternity to fall back asleep. Brain was fired up and analyzing. (Should I have eaten fat instead carbs? Why am I awake? I should have been within my caloric sweet spot for sleep, but maybe supper was too big? Or maybe I was a little too high? I can't remember what I ate after donating blood, was it cashews & an apple? No apple? A Larabar? I ran both Mon & Wed, is that it? OMG SHUT THE HELL UP, STUPID BRAIN!) Also, I was SO DAMN HOT. Windows were open to a humid warm rainy evening; methinks it's time to cave & turn on the A/C. Woke often after 4a though sleep app totally missed that, hence I'd peg it more like 70%. Blech. BUT I did feel refreshed after a couple hours into the day.

Healthy Movement: Body was creaky upon awakening but no specific aches, and not generalized fatigue either. Felt good once I was moving, though I was HOT for quite a while, literally sweating while applying makeup. WTF? Spent 1.5 hours walking around delivering cute little candy-grams to coworkers, easy healthy movement for sure! Session felt bomb dig: kicked ass on dips and then got my ass kicked by little ol' push-ups.

Fun & Play: Delivering rocket-shaped candy-grams!

How cute are these?!

Time at NSS! Dog park!

Stress Management: One of my mini goals is to unsubscribe from 2 email newsletters per week. Did two personal ones today, but many more I need to eliminate. Just plain CLUTTER.

Grateful: For playful doggies.

Wednesday, June 19: W30D3

Nutrition: I am actually struggling a bit with the amount of food I should eat. I feel like I need to eat MORE than what I'm truly hungry for, since the things I'm eating are not calorie-dense, but if I under-eat, then my sleep will suck balls. And that I must avoid at all costs.

Also, another minor cheat: I am going to use Larabars as my morning/pWO snack despite the fact the pWO snack is supposed to be protein/fat (not carbs). But (a) the cashews that would satisfy this are too often "food with no brakes" for me and (b) Larabars are my best option for fueling long runs so the body needs to get efficient at operating on them.

Sometimes sugar on the label is acceptable!

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 915p-445a, 76% quality. Felt better than that, though I did wake shortly before 3a & regularly after that. Not h/s/g, but sure would have been happier to be sleeping solidly. Got up feeling relatively rested; better than yesterday.

Healthy movement: Elbows fine. Back fine. All is fine! Planned 0 day on pull-ups. 3.59m lunch run w/ Lisa felt awesome.

Fun & Play: Run with Lisa. Another work fundraiser. Donated blood - good for the brain! Worked with Hank on heel command, which included a very short jaunt down the road. I don't know if that's a good idea or not. In the eve, spent an hour outside reading, writing, listening to nature, watching Hank. Lovely.

Stress Management: Getting my shit together at TS. Forced to, after being assigned to a big project. I am feeling a touch overwhelmed but mostly excited. Same feeling I have with the NSS project I've been stuck in for months.

Grateful: For today's perspective dose from Lisa. She had told me she uses Mackenzie as a cut-off point, where her running before and since then is two separate sets of PRs. I decided today that I'll do the same. Since I'm not using Mackenzie, obviously, I had to think of another date where things really changed/fell apart. I'm going to use April 15, 2012. That would be the Boston Marathon I had to sit out due to injury, after which I had to start over from scratch and fight more injury issues. So, everything AFTER that point is my new set of comparison points for all things physical. I like that perspective. It's gentle. Understanding. Forgiving.

Read This: Alli Mckee

Short & sweet & worth your 2 minutes:

So, if one of the greatest things we can hear from someone we love is “I accept you” why not give that gift to yourself as well? Maybe it’s a current situation or a season in your life, maybe it’s in the mirror, maybe it’s a struggle with someone in your life. Can you let go of judgement and ease up on the pressure and guilt by offering yourself the statement “I accept you.”
Speak to my soul, why don't you?

Tuesday, June 18: W30D2

Nutrition: Easy peasy today. Supper was "on the run" & "in the car" - the easy solution was jerky, sugar snap peas (nature's candy!) and a packet of almond butter. FAIL on the sugar-added almond butter. Next time: a packet of coconut butter.

Bad coffee? Here's your healthy replacement for sugar-free syrup.
Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 915p-530a, 81% quality, but felt worse, more like 70%. Wide awake at 145a for bathroom, but not h/s/g so didn't eat anything. Took ages to fall back, because of course I tried to figure out WHY I was awake, tallying up calories (should've been just over 2000, methinks, so WTF?) and wondering if I should go eat something, and if so, should it be fat not carbs, and if so, what should I eat, etc. SHUT UP, BRAIN! Woke at 3a, 4a, 5a. UGH. Got up tired & cranky.

Healthy Movement: Felt pretty creaky when I got up, sore shins. Elbows good. Session was most excellent: 110x2 bench press PR, yee haw! 

Fun & Play: Pull-up variations in session were new/cool/fun. Doggy training that included (a) an hour outside, (b) an hour with Hanky boy, (c) Holea's Mitzi, & (d) Rachel's Dexter - quadruple win!

Temperance: This AM I put on a dress that was far too snug across the belly. One of my favorite dresses, and not one that belongs in my "skinny" pile, either, it's been fitting all winter. I wanted to throw myself on the floor and cry like a toddler. But then I told myself I obviously haven't added 5 lbs to my belly since I last wore it (2-3 weeks ago at most), it's got to be just bloat, and thus only temporary, and thus I will probably look just fine in it next week. Changed dresses. Looked good. Moved on. Victory!

Not a victory: ginormous cyst developing on my forehead. Feels like it will emerge the size of a tumor. Makes me want to throw that toddler tantrum.

Also not a victory: On the Carolla podcast, this question was asked: "If you have to lose one of your five senses, which one do you pick?" and without hesitation I answered OUT LOUD, "Taste." Because if I couldn't taste anything, then I wouldn't care that I'm relegated to avoiding all the "good stuff" and it would be easy to diet down and allathat. That's just sad.

My PowerBuddy shared me an article from genius Jim Wender that contained this line: This was my goal – to get back to being able to train without much thought. Which I would like to modify as such to describe my W30 hopes & dreams: This was my goal – to get back to being able to eat without much thought. So tired of obsessing.

Grateful: For my hunter husband. This morning he managed to shoot the stupid bird that has been sneaking into our garage. Birds are fine, yo, except it would start flying around at dawn, which would make Hank bark like a freaking madman, until we opened the doors for the bird to be chased out. Some days dawn is a fine alarm time for me. Most days, it made me completely regret getting a dog. No mas! Frustrating birdie is dead to the world! Sorry, dude. Better luck next time.

Monday, June 17: W30D1

Nutrition: Day 1 of Whole30. Actually feeling relieved to be doing this again after debating it for so long. This time I intend to do it right. I re-read the book. I re-read the Whole30 Success Guide. I signed up for the Whole30 Daily. I'm NOT TRACKING. I'm not weighing myself. I am making goals.

I confess I have to cheat a little on the nutrition guidelines: I can't take the time to sit and eat and focus on my food at lunchtime...I already burn up too much (or more) of my lunch hour on a workout, so I "have" to eat at my desk. Yes, I suppose I could probably make the time, but it will add other stresses; and if that's the worst cheat I have on the program, I'll be happy with that.

Breakfast noms, plus raw kraut, a few grapes and OBVIOUSLY coffee.

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 9p-430a, 86% quality. Woke to alarm set early for class, but 5 minutes later read an email that my one participant is out for the rest of the month. Gah. Well, more sleep for me! Not today, of course, but for the next two weeks, hooray!

Healthy Movement: Body felt a bit creaky this morning, for some reason, but better as I got moving. Right elbow seemed a tad annoyed on drive in but did pulls throughout the day anyway (in a dress!): NG pulls 6x3. Elbow seemed fine other than drivers; also, LEFT elbow seemed annoyed on drive home. Come on, really? 2.74m noon run with Lisa to do hill repeats - and we were smokin' fast! Right Achilles tight later in eve.

Canceled my class for the rest of June - good timing to prioritize my workouts!

Fun & Play: See: hills with Lisa, yo! Also some time outside with the hubs and the Hank.

Temperance: One of my bigger challenges, personally, so I think I shall track it more closely during this Whole30 process. My main goal with this W30 is to STOP. OBSESSING. ABOUT. FOOD. I already feel better after rereading the book, feeling the subtle shift in thinking, moving from "I can't eat any of this good tasty food" over to "I can't eat these unhealthy things." Powerful difference.

I feel strong and hopeful, and think perhaps my biggest challenge will be the elimination of fake sugar. It's not that I had a LOT of it, but I was pretty regularly hitting at least a can of Diet Pepsi every day, almost as a trade-off for giving up the SFS in my Americano. Like that makes sense?? Anyway, if that's my biggest hurdle, I'll be doing great!

Grateful: For those days that you can open up all the windows and enjoy the cool breeze drifting through your lovely.

Sunday, June 16

Nutrition: Tomorrow I begin another Whole30. No more daily tracking, just follow the template. Hppefully that's easier.

Consumed: 2 eggs, side pork, chicken sausage, kraut, 2c reg w/ T CM, Larabar, half apple; Zevia x2, 7 ribs, c fruit, romaine w/ cherry balsamic, few olives; rhubarb muffin; chicken w/ roasted veg & salsa, few grapes, rhubarb muffin, Larabar
Tally: 1175cal P, 625cal C, 275cal F = 2075 total

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 1015p-7a, 81% quality. Felt better than that, more like 90%, though I did get up to let out the barking dog at 5a because there was a bird in the garage YET AGAIN. Dafuq?!

Healthy movement: OH Press workout went well. Had at least 1-2 more in tank on press but was wary of pushing too hard into poor form, with the back finally feeling normal. Did high-rep low-weight versions of the rest of the big 4 and easy accessories. Felt awesome!

Fun and Play: Time in the hammock with Hank at my side and birds chirping and sun shining and book reading and life loving. Lunch at parents' included a LOT of time in the sun watching dogs being silly, even earned a touch of pink sunburn on the legs. Home in eve included more book time. Ready to do this!

Grateful: For my "mental reset" day:

Saturday, June 15

Nutrition: A picture is worth a thousand words:

Consumed: 2 eggs, side pork, 2 hot dogs, Larabar, 3c reg w/ 2T coconut milk; can Zevia; Larabar, bottle DCP; Larabar, bottle DCP; most of a jar of chunky peanut butter w/ 4T CM, 2T chocolate chips, 2sl toast w/ 2T jelly, 2oz jerky, c senna
Tally: 425cal P, 600cal C, 1475cal F = 2500 total

I am now re-reading this Stumptuous blog post, and also It Starts With Food. Time to hit the reset button.

Sleep: 10.75 hours in bed, 915p-8a, 99% quality, HOLY SHIT. Up at 10p for a barking dog (not sure why), and again at 5a (bird in garage AGAIN), and still managed to sleep until freaking 8a - when did that last happen?! Felt amazeballs.

Healthy Movement: After sleeping in so late, no time for a morning run, plus no one to run with, and no real interest, either. Spent an hour-ish picking up sticks & branches & logs, worked up a good sweat! Felt energized by that so I did sprint intervals in the yard in Vibrams, sore in the shins a bit. Felt slow, like they were going to be mid 7s, but they were 6-6:30s. Yeah! Body is feeling great, although the lats are definitely sore and upper back is a teensy bit tight, but both are much better than expected given yesterday's 75 pulls. Today: 0.

Fun & Play: Dog park! Motorcycle ride! Picking up sticks! Running with Hank!

Grateful: For family who can lend 4-wheelers and trailers so we can tackle projects like this:

Just 1/3 of the tree line done...oof.

Friday, June 14

Nutrition: Just eat the food. Had decided a day or two ago that I should skip the fast day and just eat, have a true refeed week. Yesterday's redonk calories had me rethinking it, but I am sticking with it anyway. Just bathe the body with calories and see how it responds. Again calories were high, but again: whatever. This is helping the brain.

Consumed: 2 eggs, side pork, hot dog, Brussels sprouts, cauliflower w/ onions, kraut, Larabar, 4c reg w/ 2T CM; packet chocolate hazelnut butter (ZOMG), Larabar, can Zevia; Larabar, jerky; Larabar; 2c raw veg w/ half avocado & salsa, hunk ham, half bottle kombucha; 2 Larabars, c senna
Tally: 725cal P, 775cal C, 1025cal F = 2525 total

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 930p-530a, 85% quality. Woke at 3a almost h/s/g but didn't need to get up. Hank barked at a bird at 5a, dozing after that until I gave up.

Healthy Movement: Body is feeling pretty good. Did a stupid amount of pullups today since Holea didn't have time to sprint (and I had no inclination to go solo). NG, smooth and kip-less, each set spaced a half-hour apart: 9x3, 7x3, 5x3, 3x3...and 3 more chins at home to make it a lovely 75 for the day. Next up, probably two full days off and whining about my shoulder, neck, elbows...nah. But for sure 0 tomorrow, I'm not a complete moron. 

Debating what to do for a run tomorrow. I'm solo unless I join the 6a group. I'd love the company, but fuck roads, man. 

Fun & Play: Played with Hanky a bit in AM, then left him outside on his own, and he stayed in the yard! Was sleeping in front of garage when I got home. Yay! Spent a productive day at NSS which is always a fun space. At home I spent a bit of time outside picking up sticks from the tree line, but since Hank stayed far inland (to avoid shock like a good boy!) I didn't do it long. Instead I read on the couch with the kitties hiding in my bedroom because Hank was sleeping at my feet...can't we all just get along?!

Grateful: For my beastly lats. On my first set of 7, when I walked away all disgusted that I couldn't hit 9 again, I had to laugh at how very far I've come. Upset with 7 beautifully smooth, strong, solid, kip-less pull-ups? Silly girl!

Thursday, June 13

Nutrition: GOTD is to just eat what-the-fuck-ever and get it out of my system. I basically ate All The Things. 5 Larabars?! Whatevs.

Consumed: 2 dates; half bag pork jerky, Larabar, 2c reg w/ T coconut milk; Americano w/ SF syrup; Larabar, pork jerky; Larabar; chicken & veg w/ hot sauce, pint strawberries, Larabar, bottle DP; pork jerky, chili pistachios, 2c raw veg, bottle DCP; Larabar, packet coconut butter
Tally: 1275cal P, 775cal C, 1075cal F = 3125 total

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 930p-5a, 72% quality. Yep, that's accurate. Woke h/s/g at 1a for bathroom & carbs (supper too late/large) and then woke to a barking dog at 5a. Not cute, Mister Hanky!

Healthy Movement: Body is feeling good. Taught class & only did warm-up & 2 minutes of front carry, save myself for training session - a good choice, because it went great! Smooth & beautiful NG pulls in session (8, 7, 7, 6).

Hopefully I can soon get back on track with my regularly scheduled programming at NSS, because I want to coordinate my running program with my lifting with my class participation, so that my heavy NSS weeks are light running weeks, and vice versa. I have a pretty sweet template figured out, but with the back issue throwing off my lifting, I can't quite implement it yet.

Fun & Play: Teaching class was fun. Beautiful sunshiney day was quite lovely. Evening TS party was great fun! I got to work the games for an hour, which meant standing in the sunshine and cheering people's frisbee skills and giving away prizes and chatting and being silly. I excel at such things!

Grateful: For my employer.

Wednesday, June 12

Nutrition: GOTD is to just stop thinking about it and call it a refeed week.

Consumed: 2 eggs, side pork, uncured beef hot dog, cauliflower & onions, Brussels sprouts, mini Larabar, 3c reg w/ T CM; 2c decaf; Larabar, grapefruit; roasted veg, strawberries, pork jerky, Larabar; can DP; Larabar; date, packet chocolate almond butter [holy god damn], can Zevia; steak, .5 yam, peach, c senna
Tally: 1475cal P, 850cal C, 600cal F = 2925 total

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 930p-545a, 95% quality. No. Was awake past 10p, and dozing in/out last half hour, so more like 80%. But quantity was pretty good, woke without alarm.

Body: Feel fine, no aches or pains. 2.47m run w/ Lisa on her short/fast 19-minute run. VERY nearly did not go out - feeling very MEH in the brain. But since I had no physical reason not to go, I got myself out there, and it was tough but enjoyable. Yay!

Rest day from pulls; elbows feel perfectly fine, but I haven't had a 0 day since last Wednesday. Reps have NOT been high, avg 16.3 per day, but some of them were pulls and perhaps that was too greedy. Looking back farther, I seem to do better with higher-rep days (20-25-ish) and 2-3 zero days. Think I'll do that over the next two weeks and see how things feel.

Brain: I going to change the things I log/track each day to incorporate the 9 Factors from the Whole9 geniuses. That would mean Nutrition, Sleep, Healthy Movement, Fun & Play, Stress Management, Socialization, Natural Environment, Personal Growth, Temperance. Few more to think about each day, especially that last one. I will highlight only the "big 4" on this blog/journal...but I've got me a purty spreadsheet built to track them all with a simple range (like 0 to +6 or -6 to 0) to give me a daily total & some 3- and 5-day averages to hopefully find trends.

Grateful: Still going to keep doing this. Glad for the analytical brain trying to find the balance in my life. Although sometimes I am creating mounds of stress for myself by analyzing to death, at some point this drive of mine will enable me to get this shit straight!

Tuesday, June 11

Nutrition: GOTD was to pack & plan food well, since I would be gone from 7a to 9p. Big breakfast/AM snack due to AM workout (due to work lunch), and then just ate snacky stuff for supper in the car. I ate far too much of the snacky stuff that I can't moderate. And OD'd on DP, too.

Consumed: 2 eggs, chicken sausage, asparagus, .5 yam, Larabar, 4c reg w/ 2T coconut milk; Larabar, 2c reg; burger patty w/ lettuce, tomato slice, pickles, .5 yam, can DP; bunch of pork jerky, Larabar, mini Larabar, can DP; Larabar, bottle DCP; c senna, emergen-c
Tally: 1025cal P, 850cal C, 500cal F = 2375 total

Thought about food whenever I wasn't busy...many times wondering if I should go grab something, not knowing WHERE I WAS as far as caloric intake. Determined not to calculate, I just asked myself: "Am I hungry, or do I just want to eat?" - most of the afternoon - and wasn't until 430p that I felt legit hunger. Tiny victory. BUT. When I got to Fergus, I had a half hour to kill, and I went to Target with the urge to buy something or eat something. Anything. What is that compulsion?

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 845p-445a, 80% quality. Feels about right, woke at 2a (didn't get up) and cats started scratching the bed every 5 minutes (or so it felt) at 4a. Super obnoxious when I could have slept in!

Body: Good. Back is nearly 100%. Elbows are feeling okay. Training session with my PowerBuddy was rather lovely, although my guts didn't like the big breakfast. NG pulls in session 4x4.

Acne: Big time breakouts developed today. Cue self-bashing for eating so stupidly over the weekend that I can't pinpoint this without more testing,

Brain: Decent. Solid morning of work, fundraiser fun & new team member at lunch, quick little team game outside in the afternoon, just fun! Eve CPR class took a half hour, not the two hours I was expecting. Cool!

But overall not doing so well. Feeling incapable of avoiding "my" junk food. I may eat normal on Friday, take a break from the weekly fast day, see if that resets the inclination toward eateateat.

Grateful: For dishwashers. Something we all take for granted, but would create nonstop bitching if taken away.

Monday, June 10

Nutrition: GOTD is to track and only tally at the end of the day.

I want to stop tracking but (a) I don't want to get fat, and (b) if I under-eat, my sleep is fucked, so I need to make sure I'm hitting a bare minimum of 18-1900 - how do I accomplish that without tracking? For now I'm going to attempt the whole "eat by feel" gig and see where I consistently end up without pre-planning every morsel. If I'm high enough to sleep well without being super high, then I'm good. If I struggle to hit that balance, then I'll keep tracking weekdays or something, I dunno. (But what's "too high"?)

Consumed: 2 eggs, side pork, chicken sausage, Brussels sprouts, cauliflower & onions, Larabar, 2c reg w/ T coconut milk; 2c reg; 2c decaf, banana chips, mixed nuts; Larabar; c roasted veg, lg banana, packet honey almond butter; can DP; salad w/ half avocado, oil & vinegar, hunk ham, c senna tea w/ honey
Tally: 400cal P, 750cal C, 800cal F = 1950 total

Felt fine but couldn't moderate the nuts/banana chips. Which I knew when I bought them. Was snacky at supper but knew I was already high thanks to that earlier snack attack. Felt deprived but I knew I was not truly hungry, just craving, though I don't know why I'm so snacky lately.

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 915p-5a, 76% quality. Woke at 4a & dozed for that last hour. If not for class, would have been able to fall back easily enough. Got up tired but felt pretty good once I got moving. Too bad I could've slept in, as I had an email from my one attendee that he's out of town. Gah.

Body: Tight right calf, otherwise no aches or pains from the run. Yeah!! Knocked out the Monday hill repeats with Lisa and enjoyed it. Yee haw!

Chins in AM: 4x2. Elbows a bit angry. Come on, seriously? Logged another 4x2 in PM anyway.

Acne: New breakouts. Too dumb to be able to pinpoint the source. Can someone please just completely take over my food intake? Apparently, I am a fucking CHILD. Had another DP today, will continue for a few days to see if blemishes get worse or fade quickly. If they fade, likely suspect is the Cholula, but could also be mixed nuts or banana chips. See? Child.

Brain: Frustrated with the acne/food intake situation. Fed up with eating in general. I'd be happy to just take a damned pill for every meal, where is that magical technology we were promised?

Grateful: For sunshine. What a beautiful day!

Brain Vomit

I read this incredibly amazing letter on Friday...are you a female? Do you know a female? GO READ IT NOW.

And then I re-read it, this time while thinking about the young girls in my life, such as Sarah, Emma, Gracie, Alana, Mackenzie...and what I wouldn't give for them to never, ever, ever waste this much energy on what they look like, or hang any self-worth on their appearance.

Yet what message am I giving them with my actions? How can I say this shouldn't matter so much to them, while it still matters so much to me?

And WHY does it still matter so much to me?

Why do I look at 2011 as "the year I re-gained my weight" rather than the year I won a 5k, won a 10k, ran a beastly hard 25k, easily ran a 50k (just as fast as Dustin!), hit 10 consecutive pull-ups, and trained for a powerlifting meet that made me a wonderful new beastie bestie?

What the FUCK is wrong with me?

With all of us??

If it's a terrible idea for those beautiful girls to grow up focusing on how they look...and it is...then it's a terrible idea for me, too. For all of us.

Today I had lunch with two wonderful women, longtime besties from Sauk. Both went into their nutrition & exercise situations, beating themselves up for "letting themselves go" and granting themselves more worth when they were on track & losing weight, etc, typical woman talk, and all I could think was: this is wrong.

They are wonderful mothers, amazing friends, fantastic wives, incredible daughters, delightful siblings. You probably are too. I don't give a fuck how big or small they or you are...and I would bet my pinky that no one else does, either. So why should they, or you, or I, or ANY of us, care so much? Or at all?

Yes, I want to have that elusive perfect body. We all do. But it's simply not possible. Even the fitness models with perfect six-pack abs are dissatisfied with their appearance.

And I have realized that I want to, NEED TO, stop thinking about it all the fucking time. I don't want to be this obsessed. I want to be able to just eat appropriately for my energy level and move on with life.

And the biggest kicker of all: I am healthy, RIGHT NOW, TODAY. I pick up heavy things, I have solid endurance, my diet is chock full o' vitamins and minerals, I am not on any medications, I have the energy to back up my enthusiasm most of the time - how many can say that? How many would give their pinky to have my level of health?

Sure, I could look better - but who cares, besides me?


And what if my body is perfectly happy where it is, and what if keeping this extra layer of soft fluff is what prevents it from breaking down when I whip out a 3-a-day, or decide to run 10 trail miles just for the fun of it?

Wouldn't that be worth the fluff, as compared to being thin but feeling rundown and regularly getting injured and unable to do what I love to do?

FUCK YES! I'd take that trade-off, any day!

But there's no guarantee either way. I can still get injured if I'm fluffy; I've done it. And maybe I would feel just fine if I were leaner; I've done that, too.

Regardless, it's about time I spend my brain cells on far more beneficial efforts.

I'm too smart for this.

Aren't I?

Aren't you?

How do we all get the fuck off this crazy train to Bullshit Land and get back to being our awesome, worthy, valuable, beloved selves?

Sunday, June 9

Nutrition: GOTD: eat by feel and tally only at end of day. (Long run day.) Not so bad. Could be better, could be worse.

Consumed: eggs, chicken sausage, side pork, Brussels sprouts, cauliflower & onion, c reg w/ coconut milk; 2c reg; 2 Larabars, half yam, bag pumpkin seeds; 2 eggs, ham, many c reg; 2 bottles DP; c peach tea; salad w/ balsamic & half avocado, hunk ham, peach, mixed nuts & banana chips, coconut flakes, c senna tea
Tally: 800cal P, 750cal C, 950cal F = 2500 total

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 1030p-615a, 77% quality. Quality felt better than that, but not enough quantity. Up too late sitting by the fire...worth it!

Body: Fair. Tight shins. 9.21m run went very well; felt strong and solid until mile 6 or so, then fatigue began to set in, mainly quads for some reason, but the hills did beat up the hams/glutes fo' sho'. Was quite happy to stop at 9, though I'm sure I could have suffered through a couple more - no true aches or pains, joints all dandy. Woot!

Kip-less, bounce-less pulls throughout day: 4x3. Feeling fine in elbows, but upper back/neck area a bit aggravated, stopped there.

Brain: A little MEH from the get-go, felt a bit like I could have skipped the run and been happy being lazy, but it was well worth it. Lunch with my two besties from Sauk was very nice, three hours of chatting! Visited parents and pet my hairy stepbrother Taco Pierre. Also nabbed more homegrown chickens and some garden-fresh asparagus! Eve, knocked out my online CPR training before the class this week.

Not ready for Monday - but happy for a short week again!

Grateful: For the SJU Arboretum.

Saturday, June 8

Nutrition: GOTD is to eat by feel & gallon of water. But eating by feel isn't accurate when one purchases one's trigger foods. Dumb.

Consumed: eggs, chicken sausage, side pork, Brussels sprouts, roasted cauliflower & onion, yam, 5c reg w/ coconut milk, grapefruit, Larabar; 2c reg, Cholula jerky, DCP, DP; pork roast w/ veg & hot sauce, strawberries, Larabar; apple, yam chips; mixed nuts, banana chips, ham;, kombucha c senna tea w/ honey 
Tally: 1000cal P, 1150cal C, 550cal F = 2700

Food prep: 6 salads (carrots, celery, cauliflower, peas, peppers), whole chicken w/ 2.5lbs veg into the slow cooker (will make 6 meals), roasted cauliflower & onion (will cover 5-6 breakfasts), rhubapple dessert (4-5s). Also have Brussels sprouts, kraut, baked yams, peaches, strawberries, grapefruit, tuna, jerky, Larabars. I am SET!

Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed, 945p-5a, 85% quality. Accurate. Woke when Hop came home (1230a) and tossed & turned for a bit after that, then woke shortly after 4a & dozed. Got up feeling rested.

Body: Feet still sore (glad I didn't want to run with this morning's group), right Achilles still tight. Digestive system had a severe reaction to yesterday's fasting in the AM. Normalized later. Did a lightweight upper body lifting session early a'noon.

Pulls throughout AM then before/after lifting, again smooth with zero kip/bounce: 4x4.

Brain: Good. Productive morning, fun times at dog park, productive afternoon, but also some lazy time in the hammock.

Grateful: For really delicious healthy foods such as roasted cauliflower. SO GOOD.

Friday, June 7

Nutrition: GOTD is to fast. Relieved to be able to ignore food and NOT count any calories today. Interesting. Very hungry about 2p, very cold about 3p, otherwise just fine. 

Consumed: date; c reg x6; c decaf x2;
Tally: 75cal C. 

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 9p-545a, 76% quality, though I'd call it more like 85%. Up h/s/g at 245a (too many calories too late in the day?), ate one date, back to bed easily enough. Woke again at 415a & dozed after that. Managed to make it to nearly 6, what a thrill!

Body: Stiff & fatigued, but energy level is okay. Feet still hurt like mad. Sore/tight calves/Achilles, right more than left. NG pulls throughout the morning, all slow & controlled, no bounce or kip: 6x3.

Acne: Full-fledged breakout has stopped, just healing now. Culprits: still pistachios or Cholula jerky. 

Brain: Glad for Friday, even though I'll be working on NSS stuff and CPR training this weekend. No rest for the overachiever, folks. 

Grateful: For the people donating to my Relay for Life fundraising efforts. $200 yesterday!!

Read This: eliteFTS

Ladies, Measurements Don't Matter
My clients’ understanding of the four foundational movements (squat, hinge, pull, and press) matters. Their understanding that they are all athletes who can become physically powerful through progressive training matters. Their understanding that they need to eat enough to fuel their life and have energy matters. Their understanding that we are working to turn them into a stronger and more powerful version of themselves matters.
My female clients feeling cute in their clothes and not ashamed of their arms matters. Them enjoying moving for the first time and not being intimidated by weights matters. My girls being able to do pushups and pick up heavy things without needing a man to help them carry luggage or open jars matters. Them having No fear when picking up a barbell or walking into the “man area” of the gym matters. Forcing their boyfriends or husbands to work out or rebuilding their confidence after a break-up matters. Them liking the shape of their bodies matters—them not feeling weak matters. Becoming strong both mentally and physically matters.
The article is written for trainers, but a truly great message.

Read it here:

(There is a picture of perfect washboard abs halfway down that, it seems to me, is completely antithetical to the message. Yes, it's a strong woman, but can we stop it with images that seem to exist purely to make you feel poorly about your tummy fluff? Seriously. But ignore that and just read the words.)

Thursday, June 6

Nutrition: GOTD is 1900 calories. I am once again a stupidly poor planner who did not have proper snack foods on hand, so I had to eat a giant amount at supper. Actually felt gross.

Consumed: egg white omelet (out of eggs!) w/ chicken sausage, side pork, Brussels sprouts, onion, & cauliflower, Larabar, c black tea w/ T coconut milk, 2c reg w/ T coconut milk; grapefruit; chicken, veg, peas, can DP; apple, few pieces candy; 2 burger patties w/ mustard, Larabar, Zevia; salad w/ balsamic, Larabar, c senna tea
Tally: 775cal P, 800cal C, 375cal F = 1950 total

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 915p-515a, 93% quality. Pretty solid until 415a, dozing after that. Rested, but still a bit tired.

Body: Well, now my main focus is how badly my feet hurt. It's not good. Sitting all day helped. Right hip flexor a touch tight. Session kept deadlifts light, otherwise fantastic! Pulls in session, 4x5.

Today I noticed my pants are looser. VICTORY!

Acne: More DP. This is a dumb thing, because I am reacting to something. I don't know whether it's pistachios, or Cholula jerky, or the Diet Pepsi. And maybe also the Zevia. No food is worth any acne, so why am I having this pop? Or the 3 pieces of candy made with rice syrup? GENIUS.

Brain: Decent, but a long work day that I finished feeling VERY behind and not sure whether I can get to NSS tomorrow. Dang. Dog park was great fun, though. Got to meet the new Great Dane with a GREAT name: Carl!

Grateful: For my people.

Wednesday, June 5

Nutrition: GOTD is 1900 calories and a gallon of water. Water was easy; calories over a touch, but given today's activity level: a-okay!

Consumed: 2 Larabars, can Zevia; apple, 2c reg; 6 Reese's Pieces, 2c reg; 2 egg bakes, 2c decaf; chicken, stir fry, banana, Larabar; can DP; Larabar; salad w/ half avocado & balsamic, burger patty w/ mustard
Tally: 500cal P, 925cal C, 550cal F = 1975 total

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a, 83% quality. Up for b/r at 230a, though not h/s/g. Took a while to fall back, though. Got up rather tired yet.

Body: Shins still sore. Low back about the same as yesterday. Feeling a little bit run-down, so adding in more carbs today.

Did class, where low back was annoyed by the jump from plank to crouch (in a burpee) and also quickly fatigued on back extensions. Rest of it felt fine.

3.56m run at noon w/ Lisa felt a little hard, but in a good way. After the halfway point she had to walk a couple times for angry guts, and since my shins were feeling it a bit, I was more than happy to ramp down the intensity.

Eve, fetched Hank for a 3.09m run with the ROUS group. Hank was pulling the whole time; I need to speed up to keep him happy! Unfortunately my feet took a real beating in the Vibrams. Just skin, but BAD. Other than the feet and pulling dog, the miles felt easy-peasy - pretty damned cool given it was my second run and third workout of the day!!

Day off from pulls to rest the elbows; felt the slightest of ache in left elbow last night. Did decels in class, and elbows felt fine. But one planned rest day per week is a good idea. Makes my daily average need to be 16 rather than 14 - no prob.

Acne: My coffee maker is not working properly & thus I had no coffee at home...but I did have Zevia. And scored 5 irresistible Reese's Pieces in the cookie box. And had another DP. Gah. I am terrible at this elimination diet thing! I am at least staying consistent with my Larabars. Almonds, cashews, dates = all okay!

Brain: Really good. Busy work day, fun workouts, fun people. Sadness over a "semi-retiring" coworker leaving us, one I worked with a lot on the volunteer groups. She's bomb dig, and will be sorely missed.

Grateful: For groups like this:

Such fun!

Tuesday, June 4

Nutrition: GOTD is 1900-2100 calories (buffer for yesterday) and get some food prep done, as I have no morning or lunch veggies. At home in eve, I made roasted cauliflower & onions, baked yams, stir fry, and experimented with a rhubarb, apple, & cinnamon mixture (delicious!).

Consumed: dates; eggs, chicken sausage, ham, bit of kraut, handful blueberries, 2c reg w/ T coconut milk; 2c reg; egg bake, 2c decaf; chicken, apple, blueberries, DP; jerky; asparagus, egg, chicken sausage, rhubapple dessert w/ tea sprinkles, senna tea w/ coconut milk; sampling roasted cauliflowers & onions
Tally: 1375cal P, 650cal C, 50cal F = 2075 total

I totally overate at breakfast, as I had a seriously giant slab of ham because it was too delicious NOT to. Also overate the dates at 3a purely by mistake; I thought they were 2 for 70cal, but they are a whopping 70cal EACH. Oof. Beware of dried fruits, folks!

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 930p-515a, 79% quality. Wide awake just before 3a, got up for bathroom & some dates. (I blame: calories too low at 1700 + too much protein too close to bed.) Fell back after a while but was dozing in/out for most of the last two hours. Felt fairly rested when I got up, but low energy, if that makes sense. Unenthusiastic.

Body: Pretty good - improved over yesterday. Feeling nearly nothing in the back even while turning over in bed! I'd call it 95%. Calves/Achilles a touch tight. Right shin is sore; need to keep an eye on that. Session felt fantastic, though. Moderated weights but was able to do everything without pain. HOORAY!

NG pulls in session (8, 7, 6, 5) - actually could've squeaked out another 1 or 2, but the last one was kippy and I was feeling rather anti-kip! Also like I shouldn't jerk the elbows too much, even though they are happy again.

Acne: Another Diet Pepsi to test reaction. And for the current two blemishes I'm sprouting, it's also possible it wasn't the wee bit of maltodextrin in my beloved Cholula jerky, but perhaps pistachios. Either one is a rotten option, but if I have to pick, better to be able to eat the jerky than have to resist the 'stachios.

Brain: Started out glum and gray, but had a productive morning, and session went so well, the day improved a ton!

Grateful: That my back is nearly normal again. Hoping I get to do deadlifts on deadlift day!

Monday, June 3

Nutrition: GOTD is 1900 calories and a gallon of water. Hit the water, low on calories due to poor planning - forgot I'd be stuck in town until 8p.

Consumed: bag pork jerky, Larabar, c reg w/ T coconut milk; plain Americano; big bag peas, 2c reg; can DP; chicken, apple; grapefruit, apple; 1.5oz almonds; 4oz sweet n hot jerky, emergenc-e
Tally: 825cal P, 525cal C, 350cal F = 1700 total

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a, 85% quality. Woke at 330a: awake enough to check the time, though did not need to get up, & fell back easily.

Body: Decent. Back is at ~85%. For class I had to haul equipment around and unload the 225# squat set-up (seriously, people?) and nothing in particular seemed to annoy the back, but I was moving quite carefully. No one showed up to class, so I logged my NG pulls: 5x3. Felt better than yesterday. Also tried some dips (but bars are too far apart), & lat pull-downs.

No Lisa for today's run, and I kinda sorta found myself looking for excuses to NOT run...and then I thought of doing hill repeats and was all: YES MA'AM! What a weird addiction. 2.79m, 4 repeats running up, walking down. Will start doing this weekly, and add running down in order to (hopefully) combat the knee/IT band issue with running downhill. Back didn't seem too bothered, but I was still moving carefully. By end of work day, RIGHT side of back seemed most annoyed. Also right hip flexor a touch tight, but nothing like it gets post-sprinting.

Acne: I just couldn't take it anymore. I am testing Diet Pepsi today!

However, I already have an emerging reaction on my chin. Guess what has maltodextrin (well, damn near everything, but also): Cholula jerky. (a) How did I miss that? (b) DAMN IT, I really really love that stuff!

Brain: Had a REALLY COOL breakthrough today: realized I truly don't miss my fake-ass toast. Not when there's yams to be had!!

Received an email from the BAA that gave me conflicting emotions about Boston - at first, I thought the projected finish time they gave (5:35:59) was what I needed to use as a qualifying time for next year, which would mean NO DICE, which actually gave me a sense of relief. As in, "I am not qualified, I don't have to decide anything. Whew!" But then my next reaction was, "Wait a minute, they said I could run it! Now I can't?! Assholes!" Apparently, the email is telling me my projected time can be used for seeding purposes. (Great reading comprehension, genius!) But clearly, I still just can't decide.

One thing I was certain of - today Danielle (who was pressured into signing up for Grandma's over the weekend) and I had this conversation:
D: You should sign up!
S (laughing): No way, I am NOT running a marathon.
D: Why not?
S: Because I don't want to!
Zero hesitation on that answer. I have less-than-zero desire to run Grandma's, and this is clear to me. But, I am seriously considering carpooling up, camping at Jay Cooke with Brian, and then sneaking off to run the SHT while they make their way toward the finish line! Also considering road-tripping down to spectate the awesomeness at Afton. Again with Brian. Maybe some of his running mojo will rub off on me!

Grateful: For Hank. I got home late and only saw him for a few minutes, but he was an utterly perfect pooch!

Sunday, June 2

Nutrition: GOTD was to eat by feel again. Supper was pretty darn huge after just snack foods all day. Again, bit higher than I should be, but for a party (where I couldn't eat or drink anything) & run day, pretty well done.

Consumed: 2 eggs, c yam, chicken sausage, grapefruit, apple chips, 4c reg w/ T coconut milk; 2c reg; Larabar; Larabar, bag Cholula jerky; 2 burgers, large bag peas, TC guac made w/ whole avocado, .5oz pistachios
Tally: 875cal P, 700cal C, 625cal F = 2200 total

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 1015p-545a, 84% quality. Felt solid, woke naturally. Pretty sleepy about 5p.

Body: Felt good, slight tightness still in back, more of it lingering on the left side. 5.13m run run was okay - felt like I was dying, and I want to say it's because I was fast, but my overall average was a mere 8:55? I am highly doubting the app's accuracy on trails. Shows I was running 8:00-ish when we were on open road, so it would be logical I'd feel like I was dying at that pace. It's certainly been a while!

Chin-ups forgotten until eve (4x2) and felt hard. Gah.

Brain: Good. So much ultra-trail-running talk at Greg's party, it was mind-boggling. Everyone there was pretty damned accomplished, and to think I ran with them and speak their language and AM ONE OF THEM - what?! I also think I picked a good year to simply say NO to every race, lest I get myself into deep trouble again. Ended up being a longer/later party than I wanted, but it was truly fun and relaxing. And SUNSHINE? Yes, please!

Grateful: For fellow trail lovers.

Saturday, June 1

Nutrition: GOTD is to eat by feel and tally up at the end of the day. Not great, but not that bad, I'll take it.

Consumed: 2 eggs, sl ham, c yam, roasted garlic cauliflower, half cantaloupe, 3c reg w/ T coconut milk; c reg; 2sl ham, salad w/ balsamic, few strawberries, few cubes watermelon, 2s flax cookies, 3c reg; 2 eggs, 2 giant sl ham, .5c yam, roasted garlic cauliflower, apple, 2c decaf w/ T coconut milk; Larabar
Tally: 1050cal P, 900cal C, 300cal F = 2250 total

At lunch I kept nibbling on these tasty little raw "cookies" (more like sweet crackers) despite my belly being packed painfully tight thanks to the salad veg. It was a total "binge" feeling where the food is tasty but just not satisfying in terms of the brain - but I'm driven to keep shoveling them in, in the hopes that eventually I'll be satisfied. Once I recognized that was what I was feeling, I was able to stop.

Been a long time since I've felt that way. Glad I was able to put them aside, though if I'd been alone, who knows. I blame: yesterday's fast, not enough sleep, not enough water.

Sleep: 7 hours in bed, 11p-6a, 81% quality. Felt pretty solid, woke naturally, but could have used a couple more hours. Also napped 2.5 hours, 315p-545p. 31% because of the short length, but I got in at least one delicious sleep cycle.

Body: Back is much improved. Stood all morning cutting up beef, felt fine. Rest day from pulls, just forgot about them.

Brain: Tired but good. Morning full of fun family butchering, Hank stuck around and was really great, 1/6 of a healthy, grass-fed cow in my freezer, a nice nap, and then house manners with Hank & cats. Big improvements going on!

Grateful: For naps.