Monday, April 29

Nutrition: GOTD is 1800 calories and a gallon of water. .5 quarts by 7a. 1.5 by 11a. 2.5 by 2p. 3.5 by 430p. 4 quarts = 1 gallon by 8p. Finally!

Consumed: 2 eggs, 1.5sl bacon, uncured beef hot dog, .5c kraut, c asparagus, 2sl toast, 2c reg w/ SFS; 2c reg; egg bake, 2 hot dogs, apple, 2c reg; 2 hot dogs, roasted cauliflower w/ hot sauce, apple; Larabar (thanks, Monica!); 6oz pork roast w/ .5c veg topped w/ T jelly, c strawberries, 2sl toast w/ .5T coconut oil & T jelly, half bottle DA&W, c senna tea
Tally: 950cal P, 700cal C, 200cal F = 1850cal total

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a, 81% quality. Woke for bathroom at 1145p (wtf?) and woke often after 3a. Got up pretty tired.

Body: Feeling decent but refrained from class (other than warm-up) due to poor sleep. Spartacus, though, wanted to join! Did some DB shoulder presses at the end, just 'cause. Left glute is a bit jacked-up again; no idea why, but it feels tight and weak. Noon 1m run / 1m walk in Vibrams felt wonderful, but not enough. I also ran around in Vibrams with Hank when I got home. One lap walked, two or three ran, knee bugged at the end. Was slow, blaming that.

Pulls during class, 5x5, and after run, 5x1. Elbows seemed a touch angered, will return to chins.

Brain: Decent. Hank was nicely behaved this morning, but cats were Flipping Out. Gah.

Joy loaned me a great book - and sent me tea, too! Monica gave me congratulatory Larabars. Spoiled!!

And in the eve, had lovely doggie time. Hank has clearly been trained, he kept just ahead of me doing laps, would come back if I stopped, would come back if I called him away from the house (and cats), but I just can't convince him the cats are not potential playthings just yet.

Grateful: For Hop's job. Pumping has begun and I shall soon be complaining about it, but we sure couldn't afford this house if he was still at his old job, no matter how many jobs I have!

Sunday, April 28

Nutrition: GOTD is 1800 calories and a gallon of water. See if I can finally get this...and failed again. Damn weekends!

Consumed: 2 eggs, 1.5sl bacon, c cauliflower & asparagus, 2sl toast w/ 2T jelly, 2 dried plums, 4c reg; 2 eggs, 8? sl bacon, 2c reg; trail mix, bottle DCP; bag pork jerky; salad w/ balsamic, grapefruit, apple w/ choco-coco dip
Tally: 650cal P, 575cal C, 550cal F = 1775cal total

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 1045p-715a, 89% quality. It appears I woke often 3-5a, and when the alarm buzzed at 645a, I just it off. I should have set the alarm to even farther back, wasn't thinking I'd sleep past 7a, but should have noticed how late it was. (Dog.)

Body: Dragging but hit water early to recover.

Chins 4x3 plus during quickie workout 5x3.

Brain: Dog frustrations early in the AM, followed by a delightful lunch with my long-lost posse members Juliet & Terri. Lovely!

Afternoon doggie work went much better than the morning. We are letting Hank (!) roam freely when we're home now, which is FANTASTIC - but it's only because his obsession with the cats keeps him around. Unfortunately he sometimes just sits at the patio door whining and yipping for them to come out and PLAY! We brought him inside and forced an Oscar/Hank encounter, which ended when Oscar landed his switchblades in Hank's snout. Good times!

Grateful: For Terri's newly-married friends, the reason she came home this weekend. It was so wonderful to see her!

Saturday, April 27

Nutrition: GOTD is 1800 calories and a gallon of water, to make up for poor H2O intake yesterday. Flip ilex; was just as poor with water today.

Consumed: 1.5sl bacon, c cabbage, c asparagus, sl egg bake, apple, grapefruit, 4c reg w/ 2T coconut milk; jerky, apple, 2c reg; meat lover's scramble (hold the sausage, double the ham!), crispy hash browns, few c reg; bottle DCP; two beef patties w/ T mustard, salad w/ balsamic, grapefruit, c strawberries; apple, half bottle DA&W
Tally: 900cal P, 825cal C, 75cal F = 1800 total

Sleep: 7 hours in bed, 930p-430a, 81% quality. Work regularly just after 1a. Got up feeling decent. 20-minute mid-afternoon power nap with the brain wave app. Very nearly fell asleep, but not quite. Got up a bit groggy, but recovered after another twenty or so minutes.

Body: Great, after a solid rest day. Took another rest day just due to busy-ness, but getting antsy to run.

Chins throughout day, 4x8, all of which felt pretty easy. Relieved to be coming back around.

Brain: Very good. Bit overwhelmed by dog work. Had a superbly fun morning with my oldest god-daughter: mani for me, pedi for her, shopping, lunch, more shopping, house tour & dog show. Had a bit of time in the sunshine and a power nap before heading to niece's 4th birthday party with the pooch. Encountered three other dogs and about twenty people, a third of them children. He barked while playing, and he begged while we ate, but otherwise his manners were fantastic. Hooray for hope!

Grateful: For god-parenting. Whatever the origins of this tradition, it has given me such pleasure in letting me act like a fun aunt. I love it!

Friday, April 26

Nutrition: Fast day. Chilly all day, but fine. Only hungry at supper but too busy dealing with pooch. Too much fake sugar, not enough water. Two fast days completed = one pound of fat lost, right? Let's hope so!

Consumed: 4c reg, 2 w/ SFS; bottle DDP; bottle DP; can Zevia; can SF lemonade

Sleep: 7 hours in bed, 11p-6a, 76% quality. Woke regularly after 3a, though not h/s/g, and kept falling back. Got up feeling okay, but would have liked more, fo' sho'.

Body: Feeling quite good, surprisingly; given how sore I was after last Thursday, but it seems I'm nearly at normal recovery. Yay!

Chins in AM, 4x3, felt MUCH easier than they have been feeling. Intended for more in eve, but again: pooch.

Brain: Excellent. Fun at NSS, fun at shopping, fun at dog adoption, but far more frustrating once I got him home and his energy level revealed itself. Wanted to run, too interested in cats, and husband foolishly let him off-leash to see what he'd do...he ran his ass full-speed a quarter-mile down the road to the neighbors, of course! Luckily hubs had some patience with him because I was plenty worn out by eve.

Grateful: For my parents, who brought over a kennel and a dog house and even a basket of toys!

Thursday, April 25

Nutrition: GOTD is 1800 calories and stay sane with everything I have going on. Ate a giant breakfast since the rest of the day was going to be chaotic and supper would have to be jerky/apple. Bonus, I'm now completely out of Larabars again so have to fill up solely on real food. Also, that micro cake? Seriously lame, totally not worth the calories.

Consumed: 2 eggs, chicken sausage, sl bacon, Brussels sprouts, kraut, micro cake w/ jelly, 6c reg w/ T coconut milk; 2 sl egg bake, apple, can Zevia; carnitas, garlicky cauliflower, apple, can Zevia; DC, bag jerky; bag jerky, mini-Larabar
Totals: 1200cal P, 425cal C, 200cal F=1825

Sleep: 7 hours in bed, 945p-445a, 68% quality. Slept solidly until 3a, in/out after that (NOT h/s/g, probably caffeine, and I was at 1725 yesterday so that's progress!). In/out due to dog thoughts. Should I, shouldn't I, should I, shouldn't I? Was able to shut it down before bed by telling myself I'd think about it tomorrow. So then when I woke up at 3, WHAM, nonstop.

Body: Little all-over stiffness but decent. Session was fun!

Pulls in session, 3x5.

Brain: Almost overwhelmingly busy, but fun things. Team outing to bowling alley, briefly; had to leave early for hair/makeup to be a model at fashion show, which is always a super fun event.

Hop showed almost zero hesitation on the dog. Hooray!

Grateful: That there is an end to this snow. There is. Really!

Wednesday, April 24

Nutrition: GOTD is 1800 calories and no fake carbs. If we count Larabars: fail. I need to get more calories and I keep going to these! They are almost gone, though, not sure what I'll turn to then.

Consumed: 2 eggs, chicken sausage, sl bacon, Brussels sprouts, kraut, mini Larabar, c reg w/ T coconut milk; c reg, mini Larabar; Americano w/ SFS; 3 Reese's Pieces, 2c reg; bag turkey jerky (thanks Dustin!); salad w/ chicken & roasted veg, 2c reg, 2 mini Larabars, can DCC; couple DC, chef salad, pot decaf; mini Larabar, apple
Totals: 850cal P, 575cal C, 300cal F = 1725 total

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 9p-445a, 91% quality. Woke shortly after 4a and dozed until I got up, feeling good.

Body: Heels a little sore due to the return to standing all day. Upper body a bit sore, inner hammies sore, loved that outside mountain climber. Did class since I yet again wasn't going to run. Too busy socializing.

Chins in AM 4x2, PM 4x2.

Acne: I realized I'm having a minor reaction (one blemish) but it's too late to be from Saturday, so I'm thinking the few mixed nuts at the tax party that were probably roasted in seed oil, a no-no. Glad I was so full from the steak & lobster that I didn't eat any more. I'm getting this nailed down! Anyway, nothing immediate from the BSC SFS, will give it one more day. (I'm really thinking it's the fake granola. Easy enough to eliminate.)

Brain: Pretty good. Busy work day, good/sad happy hour farewell to my Amy.

Grateful: For TS. So many lovely people.

Tuesday, April 23

Nutrition: GOTD is to remember all my supplements. Should be easy, right? Not after about 1.5 weeks off-kilter.

Consumed: 2 eggs, chicken sausage, bacon, Brussels sprouts, kraut, 2c reg w/ T coconut milk, Uberbar; c reg w/ SFS; Americano w/ SFS; sl egg bake, apple; carnitas, roasted garlic & cauliflower, apple, banana; can DCC; salad w/ balsamic, pepperoni chips w/ TC guac, grapefruit, mini-Larabar, egg bake
Totals: 750cal P, 675cal C, 375cal F = 1800cal

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 915p-530a, 90% quality. Woke just past 4a and dozed in/out. Vivid dreams that I can't remember.

Body: Upper body sore from class, otherwise feeling damn good. Digestion back on track (it was Not Happy with Sunday's giant supper). Session was good but felt a little too easily fatigued - boo - but no specific aches or pains - big YAY!!

Chins in eve, 5x3.

Acne: No reaction from Northwoods. YAY! Today, testing my brown sugar cinnamon-flavored sugar-free syrup. Fingers crossed.

Brain: Not as "high" as I was last week...I'm struggling a lot with the new position at TS because it's still so new, gray, transitional, and, quite frankly, often "both jobs." Draining.

Grateful: That podcasts are free & plentiful.

Monday, April 22

Nutrition: GOTD is 1800 calories and 5s veg. Over-estimated calories today to make up for yesterday's possible under-estimation.

Consumed: egg, bacon, Brussels sprouts, kraut, c reg w/ T coconut milk; c reg, mini-Larabar; 2c reg; Larabar; carnitas, cauliflower, apple, Larabar; bag jerky, salad w/ half avocado, Larabar
Totals: 650cal P, 600cal C, 575cal F = 1825cal total

Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed, 930p-445a, 72% quality. Woke just before 4, almost h/s/g, tossed & turned until I gave up & got up. Felt fine, though. Very tired about 6p.

Body: Developed a weird tightness in left shoulder-blade area on the drive to work. What? Did class anyway. It went away by mid-day. Was going to do lunch run, but had to go to Grain Bin and it was my only chance.

Chins in eve, 5x3. Sore from AM class.

Brain: Really good. Many hugs and conversations this morning at TS. Not the most productive day! Happy greetings everywhere I went, though I am kind of tired of telling the story to mere acquaintances. Every time I tell it, it seems waytooclose all over again.

Grateful: For my dental office. Going there is like catching up with an aunt and uncle. I'm so lucky.

Sunday, April 21

Nutrition: GOTD is again 1800 calories. May have estimated too conservatively on tax firm meal, but don't care all that much.

Consumed: 2 eggs, chicken sausage, bacon, kraut, Brussels sprouts, grapefruit, 2c black coffee, 2c coffee w/ T coconut milk; RR bar; steak salad w/ balsamic, DP; giant steak, 2 lobster tails, plain baked potato, mixed nuts, c fruit
Tally: 975cal P, 525cal C, 300cal F = 1800cal total

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 10p-630a, 85-90% quality (forgot to set sleep app). Tossing and turning for last hour or two, but got up feeling rested.

Body: Had a great workout session at the Well with Amy. Hammies still tight. Trapbar deadlifts at 135 felt HARD because of it. What the wha?

DL pulls in workout 3x3, then DL chins (just cuz I switched to squat rack, no issues) 4x2 = 17.

Brain: Awesome. Fun workout, fun lunch afterward to hear all the details of Amy's new job. Sad, but I'm very excited for her. Fun party & amazing food with the terrific tax peeps.

Grateful: For the technology that shall keep me in touch with my beloved Amy. She's even admitted she'll be forced to get on FB, finally! But I am still going to miss her tons. So smart. Love to tromp around in the woods with her. So very helpful with work-related conversations. One of the few people with whom I share nearly identical religious & political views. Superb workout buddy - the primary group fitness instructor responsible for my fitness addiction, in fact. Beyond hilarious. Just god damned FUN to be with. VERY sad for me, VERY happy for her.

Saturday, April 20

Nutrition: GOTD is 1800 calories. Overate at lunch because I was snacking as I prepped food. Reined it in for supper, able to realize I was not hungry. (No caloric room for Mangria! Damn.)

Consumed: 6oz pork carnitas, Larabar, 3c reg; 3-egg omelet (ham, onion, tomato, green pepper, shroom), hash browns, many c coffee; 3oz carnitas, sl egg bake, grapefruit, RR bar, banana pepper juice; roasted cauliflower; mini Larabar
Totals: 1000cal P, 575cal C, 250cal F = 1825cal total

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 930p-5a, 62% quality. Woke often after 3a, but not h/s/g so stayed in bed hoping to fall back. Got up feeling pretty good, just hungry. Intended to take an afternoon nap, but didn't feel like I needed one.

Body. Hammies still super sore. Sheesh, can I really lose it that quickly?

Pulls, 4x4=16. Wanted to do more, but trying to be reasonable and stick with small increases (I'm learning!). The sets of 4 felt about as hard as yesterday's 3 so that was happy news.

Acne: Testing today's hash browns from Northwoods. I know they are safe at Jan's Place, not safe at Coffee Pot, time to test these. Also, not sure if Travelers Inn is okay...will have to make a date there soon, too!

Brain: Really good.

Breakfast with one of my besties, (oh, man: iPad auto-corrected that to "beasties"...also accurate!) Joy, which included a gift of bacon & BAA-blue-and-yellow flowers. Do my beloveds know me, or what?!

Shopping with the hubs for my hammock funded by tax season's paycheck. (Yes, still a lot o' fun funds left...summer hiking trip with Amy, hopefully, plus the Train & Stay, definitely!)

We also visited the humane society and found a REALLY good dog but he can't be adopted for a full week, so we have time to think and debate and revisit him. He's a German Shorthair and quite mellow, which seems ideal, but we need to make sure he isn't just mellow due to being under the knife only yesterday. You know that a doggie adoption is HYUGE for me, so this is super exciting!

Grateful: For small towns. Our Northwoods waitress gave me free breakfast AND a hug today when I told her why Joy had given me flowers, plus the next table clapped!! Where else ya gonna find that kind of love?!

Food prep ROCK STAR today:
-carnitas x3
-pizza egg bake x11 (oops, I ate a slice while packing it up!)
-salads w/ avocado x5
-roasted cauliflower w/ garlic x5
-breakfast sausage x4
-plus: eggs, Brussels sprouts, asparagus, sauerkraut, bacon, grapefruit, apples

I created a daily food template using all this goodness as my building blocks, and calories are low enough that I have plenty of room to tack on treats like extra bacon or Larabars or extra coconut milk or even (gasp!) a micro cake to ensure I hit 1800. I am being very aware that I won't benefit by adding even more low-cal days even if it feels fine to do so - because within days my sleep will suffer and my brain will tank and I will eat fistfuls of food. I need to keep hitting that generous 1800, enjoy it, and don't add a single iota of deprivation to any day but Friday.

Friday, April 19

Nutrition: GOTD is to fast. Did have a 3am snack in order to sleep, but otherwise nada. Chilled as usual, very hungry at supper time (VERY close to eating), but otherwise fine. Only felt hunger pangs a couple times until supper hunger. Expect this will be easier on a normal worky Friday. Was a good/bad day to fast: (good) I don't have much for food and I can't get any due to the SNOW, but (bad) I have pork carnitas in the slow cooker making this house smell AMAZING.

Consumed: 4 dried plums; c coffee; c coffee w/ stevia; 2c tea; c NC
C: 75

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 930p-6a, 86% quality. Up h/s/g at 3a for water, b/r, some dried plums. Blargh. Calories were at 1725 yesterday. Really, that's too low? Argh.

Planned to nap after done working, but instead vegged on couch and caught up on TV shows.

Body: A little dehydrated, blaming the hot tub. However, quite stiff and sore in the hammies - what the wha?!

Pulls throughout day in sets of three (that felt pathetically hard; next time remind me to at least be doing regular push-ups on vacation): 3x5. Held myself back from doing more, figured the body might not be happy about a binge after a 5-day fast.

Brain: Good. Much to do, not a lot of motivation, but I actually have time to slack off! And I have planned up two awesome social outings for the weekend (Joy! Amy!), working on more for next weekend (Lisa! Sarah!). Happy to be eager to see people, happy to feel so "free and easy" without tax season or marathon training stress over my head, happy to just FEEL HAPPY again. Me again. Apologies to all of you who put up with unhappy me for the last several months. Hope I can be awesome enough to make up for it all.

Grateful: That I had planned to work from home today, otherwise this snow might actually upset me. As it is, I was only bothered enough to clean it off the bird feeder for my wee feathered visitors.

Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves.
Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.
- Bruce Lee

Thursday, April 18

Nutrition: GOTD is 1800 calories. And not all Larabars.

Met with Steve to kick off fat-loss plans. I want to focus on this through June and then MOVE ON. My suggested route, which he approved: fast on Fridays and eat a sweet 1800 the rest of the week. (Moderation: not my thing.) That averages out to [an effective weight-loss intake of] 1543 cal/day. But one day of fasting doesn't feel like deprivation, as compared to 7 low-calorie days that do. More importantly, eating up to 1800 should give me great sleep. Crappy sleep Friday night, at the start of the weekend is fine because (a) I can NAP, and (b) I won't have any long runs to slog through! Perfect.

Consumed: 2 eggs, 4 sl toast, coffee black & w/ stevia, mini Larabar, coffee w/ SFS; 3oz pork jerky; 2oz pork jerky, Larabar; 3.25oz turkey jerky; 3 sl French toast (egg whites) w/ PB2 & SFS, decaf black & w/ stevia
Tally: 1075cal P, 500cal C, 150cal F = 1725 cal

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 1045p-615a, 55% quality. Didn't feel that badly at all, more like 80%. Woke a few times 4a onward, but I suspect Oscar may have been messing with it.

Body: Quite good. Hips still a bit achey, shins still hurt, that's about it. Workout was super easy of course, but it just plain felt good.

Pulls in session 4x3, and at home 2x5.

Brain: Wonderful. Spent the day at NSS, full of hugs and welcomes and chatty stories and even a gift from Dustin. Didn't even get too upset at the snowfall!

Enjoyed time in the hot tub with Hop, sharing our full stories of the post-bombing chaos now that it's a bit more distant. They were close enough to feel it. Again thankful for the bum knee.

Grateful: For all of the wonderful people in my world. They're incredible.

Wednesday, April 17

Nutrition: GOTD is moderation. Last day of vacation, meet with Steve tomorrow morning to kick off my 2.5-month fat loss attack, but I don't need to eat like it. No physical or mental benefit to it. Also, modeling gig in just one week.

Consumed: egg, bacon, sorbet, apple, black coffee; Americano; Larabar, pork jerky, DP; Larabars, pork chop, DC; Cobb salad w/ balsamic, bit of prime rib

Sleep: In bed 8.5 hours, 10p-630a, 97% quality. Creepy dreams, but otherwise it did feel solid, though I would have guessed more like 90%.

Body: Improving. Both hips ache, but sunburn is currently the bigger issue. It's making me wear the same clothes again (no irritating seams), and the backpack is a cruel addition. Shins are sore.

Did my NSS warm-up before we left for airport, wanting to get blood flowing. Left hamstring is most tight, left glute aches, but all else seemed to benefit from movement.

Very tired at airport, 10a or so. Wanted to nap but couldn't even doze. Same on second flight, 4p.

After supper, ran through the rain to the vehicle, and the hips didn't hurt with running! Problem solved: run at all times!

Brain: Good. Decent sleep has restored some patience, even on travel day.

Grateful: For the kindness of strangers. Boston airport worker asked me if I got to finish, congratulated me, and asked me to please come back next year. I assured him I would. A lie, but exactly the lie he needed to hear. I can be a kind stranger, too!

Tuesday, April 16

Nutrition: GOTD was moderation. Eat for recovery, but don't go nuts and Eat All The Things. Plenty of recovery calories were consumed last night already. Also, craved vegetables after a day of none. Did well but for "finish that trail mix!" urge.

Consumed: sorbet, coffee, eggs, bacon, apple, tea; chef salad w/ vinegar, Uberbar; trail mix, Larabar, kombucha; 3 kinds of thinly-sliced pork w/ fridge pickles and spicy mustard, apple

Sleep: 6.5 hours in bed, 10p-430a, 67% quality. Woke just after midnight but didn't get up. Tossed and turned regularly after that. Hot due to sunburn, then cold without covers, then couldn't stand hip flexors being curled-up, but laying flat on my back I couldn't sleep, on and on. Gave up and got up early, hoping for a nap later on.

Got one, but barely: 1.5 hours in bed, 415-545p, woke mid-sleep cycle. Got up even more tired.

At supper time I was so tired as to be incapable of caring about anything. Impatient. Depressed by my food allergies being such a PITA for everyone else and making restaurant selection such a fucking ordeal. This body needs sleep something fierce.

Body: Achey and creaky as expected. Blisters feel a little better. Sunburn is itchy but not too bad, though still hot and already peeling a bit in eve. Going up stairs feels great, moving the muscles is lovely; but normal walking is stiff (hip flexors, quads), and heading down stairs is awful (knees, quads, hips). Worse than a normal long run due to the sprinting, but probably helped a little by the two miles of walking last night. Lower legs are stellar, joints a tough achey.

Once we set out for the day, walking more than a couple minutes caused knee pain. Always good to start, but eventually it would kick in. Really bad on the short walk home after supper, plus shivering due to cold: miserable. The lack of quality sleep, on top of a brutally slow marathon, with an extra dose of terrorism,is finally smashing me flat. Tomorrow's travel day is likely to be painful as well.

Brain: Still in shock but focusing on all the goodness, in typical Sabrina fashion. It's the way I want to see the world - so I do. Even when confronted with obvious signs of evil, I still believe most people are good. I see it every day, and especially here and now. Various people have offered me help, and I need nothing. I can only hope those in need have been similarly overwhelmed with generosity.

Wish our last full day here could have been as touristy as we planned, but it's okay. I still quite love this city and would love to come back in the summer sometime and just wander around. This city is made for wandering and I wish I had felt up for it today.

Grateful: For the technology that allows us all to connect and share our status. Without my phone yesterday I would have been so confused and lost and wouldn't have had a clue what was going on or where I should go, and I would have been scared out of my mind. If my family had not been able to contact me, they would have been terrified. If I had been trying to run a fast race, I wouldn't have had my phone on me at all. The hundreds of Facebook posts made me feel very loved. The map on my phone helped me navigate back to my family. Magical elves of the interwebz, I love you!

Oh, and beyond grateful for this. Paid for with blood, sweat, tears, pieces of my very soul:

Monday, April 15

Race day!!

Nutrition: Plan was normal breakfast, in-race fuel, and then whatever the fuck I wanted afterward, figured I'd be seriously looking forward to the blackberry sorbet post-race. However, some fuckface with bombs messed up everyone's post-race plans - some of them, for their post-race life.

Consumed: macaroon; eggs, bacon, banana, apple, coffee, Ultima; Larabars; in race - 4 mini Larabars, 4 salt tabs, orange slice, Ultima; lemonade; pork jerky; pork chop, trail mix, macaroons, banana, tea

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 915p-515a, 75% quality. Woke at 130a, hot/sweaty/gross (giant supper). Got up for water, bathroom, macaroon. Dozed in/out after 415a. Got up tired but adrenalized!!

Body: Felt good going into the race, and the first five miles were full of "I DO love to run! I feel awesome!" But the knee failed me. Or it may have saved me. I have no delusions that there is a God who saved me and not everyone else - I only feel lucky, but that is enough for me.

Post-race, I walked at least two miles to fetch bags and Julie with Shawn, then back home. So I hit my marathon distance after all! The walking was a bit painful to start, but I loosened up as we went and it felt better than I would have expected.

My DailyMile write-up: Boston Marathon

Brain: Exhausting emotional roller coaster.

Yay, I'm starting Boston! OMG this fucking knee, I will have to quit. Wait, I can sprint and walk. That works. High-five the cute little kids! Shut up, people telling me to run. Aw, look at all these charity runners battling through. Look at the chick dribbling a basketball as she runs! And also, fuck her for making this look so easy. Okay, I'm still going to finish this thing! Holy shit, bombs? That can't be right. What do we do, where do we go? All my people are okay!

So many extremes. Pure exhaustion.

Grateful: That everyone I know is safe. That there weren't more injuries. That it brought out kindness and generosity in so many people.

Sunday, April 14

Nutrition: GOTD: eat like I'm running a marathon tomorrow. Because I am, holy shit!

Supper time anxiety eating anyway.

Consumed: eggs, bacon, banana, coffee; Americano w/ SFS; Cobb salad; pork jerky, figs, macaroon; trail mix, macaroons, salad, olives, pork chop

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 930p-545a, 96% quality, though it felt more like 85-ish. Completely zonked initially, but woke at 3a, then dozed 5a onward until I gave up.

Body: I feel so rested. And restless. Perfect.

Walked to and from expo, about a mile, then lazed a bit. Very tired at lunch. Hit the tea party museum and got even more tired, could-fall-asleep-on-the-subway tired. But it was almost 4 when we returned so I did not nap, just read. And ate and loaded up on water, but stayed quite tired.

Brain: Really, really fantastic. See last post.

Grateful: For my family. No matter what happens tomorrow, they already think I really am Wonder Woman.


As I got ready for bed on Saturday night, I had a true light-bulb moment.

Allow me to overly-explain rather than cleanly summarize, in typical Sabrina fashion:

First, I realized that I am coming into this marathon mostly content with a walk/run plan because it's basically like a TRAIL runner would run a marathon. On trails, walk breaks come with every steep hill, and that's often. (Hills: that's what makes trails so fun!) I first really hit the trails in the fall after my TC marathon and fell in LOVE. Frankly, I haven't had the slightest inclination for long road races since, other than Boston, which at many times has felt more of an obligation than anything - or something I want to say I did, rather than something I want to do.

Second, I realized I'm only feeling like the walk/run is a lame plan when I'm around the "real" runners and comparing myself to them. These "real" runners ain't planning on walking tomorrow.

And then, for the first time, I told myself it's NOT that they are "real" and I'm not (I'm a fake runner? An imposter? Senseless!), but that they are ROADS and I am TRAILS.

So then I had my breakthrough thought: it is not just okay, but truly NATURAL, for folks in this race to be leaving me in the dust. In fact, why would I expect to keep up? I'm not a road runner anymore - I am a TRAIL runner!

First and foremost, I am a trail runner. I do still love to run, I haven't lost it at all; it's just that I love to run IN THE WOODS which I haven't been able to do in 6 months. You could throw me into a trail 50k tomorrow and I'd be more excited than daunted. Love that time in nature more than anything. (Now, there are trail runners who are awesome road runners. One that comes to mind is Brian Klug. However, see next paragraph.)

Secondly, I am a powerlifter. But it's hard, impossible for most, to be a superstar in both running and lifting. In taking a pair of extreme examples, Brian and Holea, which would I rather be? The answer is Holea, zero doubt. I would rather bench Brian but never run again, than run like him but never do another pull-up!

Now, the idea of never running again is not remotely appealing, at all. (The idea of never running a race again, I could probably live with, though group events with fellow runners, such as the Monster Dash, still sound super fun.) I'll keep my lunch runs with Lisa, and my weekends in the woods, I'm not saying I don't want any of that. But I don't want any more races where the training itself is not a blast.

And I think that is the key difference. Road-marathon training is a hard mental slog even if it goes wonderfully. Trail-marathon training is awesome even if it physically sucks! And powerlifting, well, that training is more fun than anything else.

These are my hobbies, the things I do to keep happy and feel good about myself, and I need them to be rewarding and refreshing. Jobs are draining. Hobbies need to refill that bucket. Road racing is simply not a bucket-filler for me anymore. That's why marathon training has been an awful struggle for the past 3 winters, and why I'd damn near kill a hobo to get back into the woods RANOW.

So there it is, folks: I am a real runner, but I am a trail runner and a powerlifter.

That's not the ideal combo to kick ass at Boston. But it does make qualifying for and finishing Boston all the more impressive, right? I shall have to think of it that way tomorrow.

Sometimes the AH HA moment for one is a serious DUH to everyone else, I know. I never claimed to be smart, peeps.

Wish me luck!

Saturday, April 13

Nutrition: GOTD is still to eat like an athlete. High calories thanks to trail mix, but otherwise great.

Consumed: apple, eggs, bacon, hash browns, coffee; trail mix; Americano w/ SFS; trail mix; Cobb salad w/ oil & vinegar, decaf; trail mix, macaroons; jerky, Uberbar, senna tea

Sleep: 6.25 hours in bed, 930p-345p, 66% quality. Blargh. Got up cranky but better after thinking about the alternative: I could be staying home and working at the tax firm. No thanks!!

Unable to nap like everyone else but had restful reading time.

Body: Really good. When I got out of bed, I realized I was bracing myself for some aches and pains. Felt none: zip, zero, zilch. I SUPPOSE perhaps that Dustin dude knows what he's doing after all!

One mile walk late afternoon to and from grocery store. Felt lovely to move a little!

Brain: Good. Travel days are painful, but the destination shall be worth it!! At the airport and around Boston, eyed up all the Boston-gear-clad runners and realizing they may be eyeing me just as much! Apartment is fantastic; great size, quality, location, price. Can't beat that!

Grateful: For coffee, sweet coffee.

Friday, April 12

Nutrition: GOTD is to remain in athlete mode, not vacation mode. That is the goal through Monday. I can't decide if I will track through then...definitely not calories & macros, but maybe a list.

Consumed: eggs, hot dogs, Brussels sprouts, asparagus, coffee black & w/ coconut milk; jerky; fish, Brussels sprouts, asparagus, Raw Revolution bar, decaf w/ coconut milk; hot dogs; chef salad w/ oil & vinegar; trail mix
Tally: 1025cal P, 225cal C, 375cal F = 1625 total

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 930p-5a, 79% quality. Felt better than that, woke just before 4 but logged another cycle, and got up feeling well-rested.

Body: Feeling awesome. Chins at home in AM, 4x2, in afternoon, 4x3.

Acne: Still fresh reactions and incredibly vicious. I don't understand what is causing this. Want to cry. I am going to put foundation on when I run Boston. That is such bullshit.

Brain: Also awesome. Met with Steve, feeling good about everything. We meet again next Thursday to launch a fat loss attack. And I am putting a deadline of June 30 on that. Get where I can, then transition to longer trail runs through October, then transition to powerlifting madness, then back to fat loss if I still need it.

Like how all I can talk about is the future these past couple days? That's because I will Freak The Fuck Out if I think about Boston for too long.

Grateful: For NSS. Spent much of the day there and loved every minute. (Holea even brought me her puppy to squeal over. Must. Get. Dog. Or dogs.)

Thursday, April 11

Nutrition: GOTD is to keep things in line; control the snackiness and don't dive into vacation mode at supper time. Moderation, grasshoppah.

Consumed: eggs, hot dogs, kraut, asparagus, coffee w/ coconut milk & black, Larabar; Americano w/ SFS; chicken sausage, hot dog, Larabar, coffee; chicken sausage, hot dog, fish, apple, coconut flakes; mixed nuts, fish w/ hot sauce, salad w/ balsamic, trail mix
Tally: 1000cal P, 450cal C, 625cal F = 2075cal total

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 845p-515a, 89% quality. Dozed in/out after 2a, but didn't need to get up. Fairly well rested.

Body: Left hip a bit achey, right neck/shoulder just a touch tight yet, all else is good. Session felt ridiculously easy. As it should, but I want to DO STUFF.

Pulls in session: 5, 4x4, only easy, strain-free pulls per Dustin. Chins at home: 4x5.

Brain: "Last day at TS before vacation" is overruling the superbly crappy snow day.

Today I told Dustin my only running-related goal this year is to fall in love with running again. I am in for the Train & Stay for sure, and possibly the WD 50k if everything is going wonderfully, but it's not a requirement. I'd like to log a lot of trail time, even if just walking, including another weekend trip to the SHT. I'm wanting more frequent short runs, more like 4 days per week than 2-3. But no more BHAGs this year, nothing where something outside of my control (injury) can ruin me. If my foot hurts, I want to shrug my shoulders and play with my KBs & DBs outside instead. No problemo, no big deal, no ambitious training schedule that's now completely fucked.

He also prompted me to think about what I want to do at NSS, what kind of things to work on post-Boston. I think I want to let Dustin figure out my lifting goals and not even tell me what he's expecting, because I just don't know what's reasonable, and when I set something unreasonable & fail, I'm going to take that failure as a sign of suckage. I'd love to get back squats going again, and maybe have him to write me a "day 3" program for at home, for OH press & front squats. Oh, and get me to a muscle-up.

But my first post-Boston goal is to lean out and like my body again, so any training needs to take that into account. Or I need Steve to tell me how to balance low-calorie days/weeks against the lifting cycle. Which is much easier if I'm not also trying to run long every weekend, so at least that helps.

That's right: I wanna lift heavy, run far, and look hot doing it.

Build me into a Ferrari, Dustin. It isn't too much to ask, is it?

Grateful: Getting all emotional about Boston already. Such a sap! My people are just so wonderful. Lisa in particular sent me a lovely email that made me tear right up. Brett stopped by on his way out to wish me luck. Lots of good FB comments.

Dustin took the moderation route, didn't get too deep into thinking about it, just focused on me already being in a good mental place to enjoy the experience. And he told me to remember that, as I take my walk break and watch "everyone else" run past me, 99% of the runners in this country will never even get to take a walk break in the Boston Marathon. If only he could perch on my shoulder and dole out such gems when I am most in need!

Wednesday, April 10

Nutrition: GOTD was a gallon of water, to prevent me from ODing on caffeine like I wanted to do. I caved for a bottle of pop in the a'noon, and I nearly got in my water: 1 quart between home & class; 1 in morning, 1 in afternoon; .5 at home. Good 'nuff.

Consumed: macaroons; Larabar, turkey jerky, coffee black & w/ coconut milk; Americano w/ SFS; chicken sausage, Larabar; fish w/ hot sauce, apple, coconut flakes, DCC; apple, coconut flakes; eggs, chicken sausage, asparagus, kraut, side pork, decaf w/ coconut milk; apple w/ chocoproto dip, senna tea
Tally: 925cal P, 575cal C, 500cal F = 2000 total

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 9p-515a, 77% quality, but that feels overly optimistic. Woke at 130a, h/s/g: hit bathroom, drank water, ate two macaroons, still took ages to fall back. Resisted urge to check time, but it appears I lasted to at least 230/3a. Alarm woke me. Not happy.

This one confounds me, because calories were a reasonable 1700, carbs were at 525cal, supper was early and moderate calories, everything should have been just fine. Stupid body.

Body: Right side neck/shoulder area tight, so no pulls of any kind. Stupid body. Did a lightweight version of my class workout, really just wanted to move but resisted the urge to Do All The Things; only did about 30% of their workout. Felt awesome! Noon mobility, yoga, foam roll, and more telling myself Do Not Do All The Things.

Acne: Realized two more possible culprits:
-fake granola. Fine in the past*. Started the bag on April 2. Suspect ingredients: rice (fine in the past*), seed oil (but so low on list*).
-PB2. Fine in the past*. Been eating a lot more lately since I've been addicted to apples.
*But that don't mean shit. Stupid body.

Brain: Awesome. Two days to vacation! Great work day! Fantastic EliteFTS apparel order! Lovely kind words from FB peeps!

Grateful: For the ability to give treats to my favorite peeps regularly; today included Dustin and the entire tax firm. And, by proxy, my mom, who was recruited to deliver the tax firm treat and thus got to glow in the fun of surprise-treat-delivery warm fuzzies.

Tuesday, April 9

Nutrition: GOTD is fish, which I had at lunch. Fish that was payment for doing my SIL's taxes, even better! Made up a bunch last night, gonna be eating it all week to prevent it from going bad while on vacation.

Consumed: turkey egg, chicken sausage, Brussels sprouts, kraut, coffee black & w/ coconut milk; Larabar; Americano w/ SFS; Larabar; fish w/ hot sauce, cauliflower w/ garlic, apple; pork jerky, salad w/ ham & balsamic, apple w/ choco-coco-PB2 dip
Tally: 875cal P, 500cal C, 325cal F = 1700cal Total

The astute reader will notice excessive Larabar consumption this week. That's what I plan on eating throughout the marathon (a half-bar every hour or so - same as I was doing way back on my long trail runs) so I want to be sure my body is super efficient at digesting it. I'm eating one each morning with breakfast, and one as my mid-morning snack, thus the last intake before my workout. It's basically the only marathon-related effort I can make at this point, besides physically resting, and mentally cultivating the right attitude.

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 9p-530a, 86% quality. Lot of tossing & turning from 3a onward, but I did not need to get up. Feeling rested.

Body: Both hips are achey. Hmmm. This body is going to be completely immobile next Tuesday! Wheelchair tour at the Sam Adams Brewery?

Chins in session, 3x4. I think. Might have been 3 sets, apparently I was completely spaced during squats/chins. Session was easy-peasy but for bench. Felt great & it was fun!

Chins at home, 3x6.

Acne: It's gotta be the "dairy allergens" in the brown sugar cinnamon-flavored SFS that I've had for AGES. They must have changed their ingredients is all I can figure. And the "dairy allergens" in the syrup appears to be hidden inside the "natural flavors" ingredient. So frustrating. And seriously, so little quantity: massive cysts over perhaps an oz per day, 3-4 times/week? A face I hate, and I wasn't even enjoying pizza and ice cream or something that might be REMOTELY worth it? (Yet, still not.) Screw you, overly-sensitive body.

Brain: Almost awesome. Had a good productive morning, had a great session, didn't even bat an eye at the miss on bench press because I knew what went wrong, then had an technologically-frustrating afternoon. I was looking through my snack stash, and I truly FELT hungry in my guts, but I knew it was just a mental thing. Blargh to that "must eat" instinct, but I managed to avoid eating. Mostly due to a lack of snacks. (Hey, win 'em however you can, right?)

Grateful: For the boys at NSS, who swapped around duties for this Tuesday/next Tuesday at my request. Or possibly other reasons, but I'm telling myself it was all for me. I feel special. And that's why I love them!

And for a perfect Boston forecast:

Please please please don't change!!

Monday, April 8

Nutrition: GOTD was to get in 5s vegetables. No problem, thanks to my giant salads! Did eat more than planned, had been trying to skate by on lowered calories but got HONGRY.

Consumed: coffee w/ coconut milk & black, Larabar; Larabar; chicken sausage & cauliflower w/ hot sauce, apple; coconut flakes & fake granola w/ Sunbutter, apple; apple, coconut flakes, tea; salad w/ balsamic, pork chop w/ BBQ sauce
Tally: 350cal P, 725cal C, 725cal F = 1800 total

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 9p-515a, 91% quality. Awesomely, my phone did its recently-learned trick of changing the time 15 minutes back, so I got up late! Jerk! Felt good, just a little bit rushed.

Body: Slight digestion issues after forgetting supps last night, but otherwise I feel pretty good. Although, left glute feels slightly jacked-up again, noticed on class warm-up. Noon run to & from the post office w/ Lisa, 3.56 miles. Felt super easy!

Chins in AM only, 5x2. Elbows started feeling annoyed last night, just a little bit. Normal today, but I'd like to save up for tomorrow's session, as I think it may be a max effort day.

Acne: Still rather fierce. Ugh.

Brain: One week to Boston. I actually thought about it this morning with real and true excitement when I realized "At this time next week, I'll be on the shuttle to Hopkinton!" Excitement - what a concept!

This is something everyone has been telling me, I know, but it actually hit me today: I already had my awesome race when I qualified for Boston - I don't still have to be awesome when I actually do it.

And also, this is a great opportunity for me to give hope to a whole bunch of fellow runners... when they see me do a walk/run at Boston, when they compare where they are right now to where I am, they will realize they are ahead of me. And perhaps they will realize they are just as capable of crazy awesomeness as I once was. Maybe someone will be motivated to push themself just a little bit harder & a little bit farther because of my walking. And my little bleeding heart really likes that thought!

These were my Boston goals:
  1. Start the Boston Marathon.
  2. Don't get injured in the Boston Marathon.
  3. Finish the Boston Marathon.
  4. Enjoy the Boston Marathon.
  5. Run all of the Boston Marathon.
The reason #4 is as low as it is: I was thinking in terms of enjoying it fully during the race...big-picture, I'd rather see myself pushing hard & suffering a little physical pain to finish - suck it up for a few hours and have an entire lifetime to look back on it with satisfaction. It’s going to be something I look back on as “ZOMG I AM SO AWESOME I RAN BOSTON” if I finish it, and I’ll forget if it was incredibly hard at the time. Whereas if I enjoy the race but have to quit at mile 20 because my knee is being a jackass, or whatever, that DNF pain is going to last a lot longer than a grueling 4-5 hour race. Anyway.

Grateful: For this, from my NSS peeps:

It literally could not be a more perfect representation of me, could it?

Sunday, April 7

Nutrition: GOTD was simply to manage the uber-snackiness I battled all day.

Consumed: turkey egg, chicken sausage, Brussels sprouts, asparagus, side pork, coffee w/ coconut milk & black, Larabar; PB&J toast, Larabar; pistachios, salad w/ ham & balsamic, tea; pork chop, sweet potato, tea bits w/ coconut milk
Tally: 525cal P, 725cal C, 650cal F =1900 total

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 11p-7a, 81% quality. Felt better, maybe 85-90%. Woke about 5a (almost at a level of h/s/g but not quite) but kept dozing after that.

Napped 330-5p, in front of TV, in & out.

Body: Feeling good! 6.06m run/walk was great, two walk breaks for Lisa's side aches, but I felt awesome. Minor aches & pains afterward in feet, knees, hip, as well as all-over fatigue, but nothing surprising.

Chins throughout day: 5x5.

Acne: Still reacting to something. I shall completely cut out the SFS. Dang. I guess it's time to eat like a nutritionist, anyway.

Brain: Decent. Productive in AM, lazy post-run.

Grateful: For a talented husband. Tonight's chops were bomb dig.

Saturday, April 6

Nutrition: GOTD is "Don't go home and drink all the remaining Mangria in celebration of the end of tax season!" I did go home and overeat a bit, but calories were well within reason for such a momentous day.

Consumed: turkey egg, chicken sausage, Brussels sprouts, roasted garlic & cauliflower, coffee w/ coconut milk; black coffee; coffee w/ SFS; Cholula jerky, Larabar, DCP; pistachios, apple; bacon jerky, DA&W; apple chips, pizza toast; apple w/ chocoPB, PB&J toast, senna tea
Tally: 650cal P, 725cal C, 750cal F = 2125cal

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 930p-6a, 94% quality. Now THAT is what I'm talking about! Alarm woke me at 6, holy crap. I was dozing a bit after 3a but never fully awake or needing to get up. Felt a little dehydrated but very well-rested when I got up. Finally.

Body: Upper back still tight but improved. Elbow joints feel okay, but the muscles are sore. Short stroll around the block with tax form coworker later in afternoon.

Dead-leg chins, done slower without the bottom-up bounce: 5 in AM, 5 in PM.

Brain: Excellent. My last day of tax season! Saw two dozen deer a half-mile from my house! Holiday station had my jerky back again! Bought tickets to see Carolla! Finished all my personal tax returns! Found the best damned birthday gift idea EVER for Emma (if I can afford it)!

I was a little "dumpy" today talking about Boston with my tax peeps. I'm feeling challenged to avoid disappointment to plan a walk/run for such a momentous race. I wish I could focus on the fact that I am already achieving my first goal, which was simply to start, uninjured. Goal two was to finish; I can't even remember the other three right now, I was so focused on the first two. And barring something wildly unexpected, both are in the bag.

I did ask myself what I would tell someone else who was facing this same situation; what would I say to my wee beloved Lisa if it were her? I think I would tell her, "You are starting the Boston Marathon, when a year ago you were certain you never would. Nothing else matters. Soak it up. Savor it. Love it. Don't let the "what ifs" diminish your experience of this once-in-a-lifetime event. Seek and squeeze out every little bit of enjoyment you can, so that you can look back at it for the rest of your life with overwhelmingly positive feelings." (Now, if only I can keep telling myself that, maybe it will drown out the bitch who says I'm a loser.)

Grateful: For this Boston forecast on April 15:
-Partly cloudy
-High of 59F
-Winds SSE 12 mph
-AKA: damn near perfect.

Friday, April 5

Nutrition: GOTD is to play with meal timing; decided to front-load my calories, see if I can improve recovery throughout the day, then had a balanced, filling supper to help sleep.

Consumed: turkey egg, chicken sausage, kraut, Brussels sprouts, side pork, micro cake, coffee w/ coconut milk x2; black coffee; DCC; fake granola & coconut flakes w/ Sunbutter, apple; chicken sausage, roasted cauliflower, apple; salad w/ balsamic & ham, roast beef w/ carrots & potatoes, apple w/ chocoPB2, tea, senna tea
Tally: 625cal P, 625cal C, 500cal F = 1850

Sleep: 7 hours in bed, 915p-415a, 78% quality. Feels accurate. Woke often after 2a, but did not need to get up. Felt like I was just hearing the cats constantly, one of my ear plugs was off-kilter. Feeling much improved over yesterday, but very aware of needing very good nutrition today.

Body: Still tight in upper back from Wednesday's class. Left glute still off, right hip feels a touch jacked, shins still sore; likely all just cumulative effects of poor recovery. Sat most of day (wearing boots at TS, at NSS).

Elbows feeling just as good as yesterday, so returned to quantity a leetle beet, but stayed with chins (except that proved impossible when jumping up to NSS bar): 5 chins, 5 pulls, 5 pulls, 5 chins. All dead hang and STRONG. Such great tension, in fact, that twice my right hammie wanted to cramp up, the little sissy!

Brain: Tired but a big step up from yesterday, as the outlook is much sunnier for my workload...or it was, until I spent 6 long hours at NSS, all by my sad little self. It's just not right when that joint is quiet.

Grateful: Today I set up my appointment to select the outfits I'll model at the LAPW Style Show. When asked about sizing, I told her "Varies from small-to-medium, depending, as I have an athletic build." And then I grinned in realization that Yes, I do!

Thursday, April 4

Nutrition: GOTD is to just feel okay with what I'm eating. Supremely stressful work day, so the "no fake carbs" goal can't apply. Especially when I had to find some fake carbs at 230a again. Yup, that was awesome.

This is typically the point at which I start a downward spiral of feeling helpless and overwhelmed because I can't freaking sleep, and I start to overeat. The ideal plan would be to maintain a static total caloric intake and adjust macros & meal timing & allathat until I figure out what lets me sleep. But I am too fucking tired to be capable of it.

Consumed: fake granola; turkey egg, Brussels sprouts, kraut, side pork, coffee w/ coconut milk; plain coffee; Americano w/ SFS; more plain coffee; Sunbutter w/ fake granola, DCC; prime rib, apple, fake granola, another DCC; raw veg w/ balsamic, roast beef w/ carrots & potatoes, tea; apple w/ cocoprotoPB dip, senna tea
Tally: 475cal P, 900cal C, 375cal F = 1750cal total

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 915p-6a, but pretty well canceled out by 78% quality. Checked clock at 2a, got up at 230a h/s/g to hit bathroom & eat some carbs; took ages to fall back. Got up very tired, big-time angry face, but only becuase there was no "I want to cry" face. So. Tired.

What gives? I ate 1900 calories yesterday, for a 4-day average of 1800. That should be plenty high enough to sleep well.

Body: Sore upper back, most likely from yesterday's class. All else feels pretty good. Left glute slightly jacked up. Session was fine but brain was fading.

NG pulls in session, 4x5.

Brain: Tired and cranky and behind at TS. Facing another weekend of working each day because of month-end at TS coinciding with my usual NSS day. This makes me want to cry. I am on my 12th straight day of work today, and the idea of it definitely becoming14 is bad enough, let alone potentially 20. Even when I love all of my jobs, and have a vacation arriving on day 21...that's just too damned much. Especially on crappy sleep. But I just don't know how else to make it all work.

Tiredness is also decidedly affecting my perspective. Skin freakout = I'm ugly, feeling cranky = I'm such an asshole, why does anyone like me, feeling tired = I hate my stupid body. Yeah, not a fun day to be me.

Pathetically, an offhand comment by another client at NSS stabbed me: after asking how long I'd been training with Dustin (3.5 years) the guy said, "Wow, you must be Super Woman by now," and on a good day I would have corrected him with "Nope, Wonder Woman." Instead, on this crappy day, I went directly to thinking "Yeah, I used to be, but now I suck." Again, the cunty voice in my head needs to be carved out and brutally murdered.

Grateful: For the smart, capable, fun, chipper coworker I spent the afternoon training, who pulled me out of my funk.

Also for the doe in my backyard. Beautiful.

Wednesday, April 3

Nutrition: GOTD is no fake carbs, which I was not aware of until I'd already had two servings of my fake granola. So...swapped goals with tomorrow, making today: consume a gallon of water: .5 quart down during class, 1.5 quarts throughout AM, 2 quarts throughout a'noon, .5 quart at home in eve. Do the math, that's an extra half quart!

Consumed: Sunbutter & fake granola, coffee plain & w coconut milk; Americano w/ SFS; more coffee; decaf coffee; more Sunbutter & fake granola; ribs, chocolate chips, apple, supps; green tea; prime rib, apple w PB2, micro cake w jelly, senna tea
Tally: 500cal P, 950cal C, 525cal F, 1975 total.

Felt very snacky all damn day. Stupid fake granola! Carbs beget carbs. On the other hand, I should sleep well tonight.

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 915p-5a, 82% quality, and that's accurate. Tossing and turning a LOT after checking the time at 330a. UGH. Got up with an angry face, but somehow my energy was great.

Body: I felt fantastic today. Perhaps yesterday I was wanting heavier front squats, but finding out that 95# leaves me not the slightest bit sore is pretty damned sweet! Felt so good that I joined in on class and had a freaking BLAST. I want to join in every time! 2.13m noon walk with Lisa to enjoy the sunshine.

DL chins before/after class, 3x2. Low volume, and switch to chins, per Chief. Keep the elbows happier, he thinks. Know what I think? I think the elbows should suck it up for one more week - they will have 5 days off over Boston!

Acne: I think I'm over the peak, which definitely points to a Saturday timeline, and definitely soy. Fuck you, soy. I want to enjoy an exploding bear omelet!!

Brain: Very good. Morning class endorphins, followed by Relay breakfast fundraiser FUN, followed by team video silliness.

Grateful: For sunshine. I feel like a flower soaking it up!

Tuesday, April 2

Nutrition: GOTD is to eat fish. Can o' tuna post-lifting, easy!

Consumed: turkey egg, chicken sausage, Brussels sprouts, kraut, apple, coffee w/ coconut milk; Sunbutter w/ fake granola (nom); tuna, banana, kale chips; apple, green tea; jerky, DA&W, supps; fake granola
Tally: 850cal P, 525cal C, 225cal F = 1600 total

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 915p-545a, 88% quality. Woke about 4a & dozed in/out after that. Checked the time at 530a and while I felt okay getting up, I also felt like another sleep cycle would've been more than welcome.

Body: Quite decent. Shins still a touch sore, now more of a tightness than soreness. Dustin said it's from sprinting and not to worry.

Chins in session, 8, 8, 5.

Acne: Worsening. Read the kale chips label about 18 times. Most likely just the effects of Saturday's omelet, though, which in addition to the oil probably had soy in the sausage. WHEN WILL I LEARN?

Brain: Spastic today. Could not focus on ANYTHING.

After work, had a wonderful time with Emma, packing meals for the hungry. Fun, worthwhile, warm fuzzies fo' sho'. Plus, when we looked at the calendar for the next KITC event, Emma asked if we could hang out sooner. Awwwwww.

Grateful: For my awesome god-daughter. Dig this message from her mom:
Just had to share....Emma brought the article from Echo Press to school today for her sharing. She wanted everyone to know about you going to Boston!! She is so proud!
What we are able to celebrate on the mountain top ALWAYS originates from the pressures, pains & frustrations in the valley!
-Rob Williams

Monday, April 1

Nutrition: GOTD is 5s vegetables. Between kale chips & my veg-filled salad, piece o' cake!

Consumed: chicken sausage, deli ham, supps, coffee plain and w/ coconut milk & SFS; Americano w/ SFS; hot dog, apple; kale chips (nom), chocolate NuGo bar (meh), hot dog, Zevia; kale chips, carrot cake NuGo bar (better, but unsatisfying), mint tea; salad w avocado & balsamic, pepperoni w TC guac, senna tea w coconut oil, supps
Tally: 550cal P, 525cal C, 600cal F = 1675 total.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a, 81% quality. Yep, that's accurate. Hop came home just as I was falling asleep, so it took much longer than normal for me. And then I woke at 2a. And 3a. And the alarm woke me at 5a. Got up feeling decidedly cranky, but that went away when Hop got up before I left, and I got to see him for the first time in a full WEEK. (Oscar was beside himself, practically spinning circles, so cute.)

Body: Still sore from the sprinting. Did class warm-up and joined in a a few lightweight reps of Spartacus just to move around a little. Right shin is sore, that concerning...I was going to run with Timmy anyway, but she was bossy & told me not to! Did several errands instead, so I could get home earlier to see the hubster. Two rest days in a row, what is this?!

Debated a return to pulls today; I am feeling much improved, but don't want to get back at it too soon and regret it. So, another full day off - AGAIN. But that only makes for two; calm down, young grasshoppah.

Brain: Pretty darn good! Productive work day, first day of close but all is calm, all is bright. Left work on the early side to enjoy time with the hubster.

Grateful: For abundant sunshine. And even for the wind, which will help to eliminate the snow. Be gone!

Sunday, March 31

Nutrition: GOTD is eat by feel, then track how it went (as opposed to set a goal first). Debated fasting, but I just plain wanted to eat. So I did. But I struggled with what to eat, as all last week's food prep is gone, haven't done this week's yet, don't have any portable junk in the house anymore, and a gas station was my only option. Ended up scavenging fruit from the tax firm and thankfully found raw veg & HB eggs at the gas station. All rather unsatisfying until I got to nosh on Easter leftovers for supper. My papa's smoker is the only reason to have holidays, I swear. Also, lesson re-learned: eating right is damn hard without planning. So, PLAN.

Consumed: coffee w/ SFS, HB eggs w/ mustard, apple, supps; pistachios, jerky, DCP; raw veg, ham, jerky, apple, supps, DA&W; smoked chicken & smoked ribs, fudge bar, senna tea, supps
1075cal P, 550cal C, 325cal F = 1950cal total; a bit too high, but not bad for recovery (& considering it was a day at the tax firm)

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 1030p-7a, 90% quality. That feels a touch optimistic, as there was lots of tossing & turning 445-545a, probably active kitties wondering why I wasn't up. But I managed another full cycle after that, so I got up feeling pretty good.

Body: Victory-filled! Slightly sore from sprinting: abs, quads, hip flexors, calves - but all mild, and foot, knee, joints are fine. Even, remember, after not taping the foot. Woo hoo!

However, full rest day from pulls: both elbows still a touch annoyed, upper right neck area still tight.

Acne: Reacting to something; pinpointing the Friday omelet (and potentially yesterday's) which probably had soybean oil...and corn syrup in the ketchup I put on it. Also, the pistachios I ate Friday had dextrin...which is corn. Stupidly sensitive body! The reaction is fairly moderate, though, no giant awful cysts, and mostly on chin. So I'm not hating my face too badly.

Brain: Good. 8th straight day in a row of working has me fading a bit, but I let myself move slowly in the morning and catch up on some things and didn't start working until 9a, plus took a mid-day sunshiney brain-break to stroll over to the gas station for jerky & 'stachios.

Grateful: For such incredible work ethic everywhere I work. Work Easter at the tax firm because I prefer to run on Saturday? No problem, there's three others coming in, too. And on Saturday afternoon I even got replies back from NSS peeps hanging at home but watching their email because they knew I'd be in then.

I just love that everyone else I work with/for has such a high level of commitment. I don't think I could work for someone who was cool with just skating by at a half-assed level of effort.