Tuesday, March 5

Nutritional GOTD: fish as a snack. Except I completely skipped my morning snack because I was too busy and not hungry. Ate fish w/ salad at noon instead. Rest of the day was solid, but it's lifting day, so super easy to eat according to my guidelines. Nice big filling yummy carby supper. Too big, really, but I was in real need of some kind of boost.

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 915p-545a, 85% quality. Really super solid. Set the alarm for 7a and didn't look at it when I woke around 345a, only checked it at 515a thinking perhaps it might be time to get moving because the cats were being obnoxious. I managed to keep dozing for another half hour, woot!

Body: Feeling good. Initially my session didn't go so well because my fellow trainees were asking me about running and the brain tanked - hard to do front squats & chins when you're near tears. I even DID produce tears for Dustin. But things turned around because Dustin is a genius who got me back up out of it with distracting talk and heavy swings.

Chins in session 8, 7, 5.

Brain: Much better than yesterday. One thing I am trying, gleaned from the book I read (The Highly Sensitive Person), is to keep the podcasts OFF while getting ready for bed/the day. I don't know how I'll possibly keep up with all the podcasts I was listening to, but returning to the long pockets of silence, especially in the morning, might be very helpful in keeping me sane each day. It also helps me realize that relocating to the cube farm might be a little tough on me, with all the noise out there. No solution for that one.

Earning gold stars:
- I told the LAPW peeps I do not want to be on the Leadership Team next year...unless they can't find anyone...in which case I am then off the Philanthropic Committee. So, one or the other. Not both. And indicated I'd prefer the Philanthropic Committee.
- I also gave away my ticket to an LAPW-related event in the Cities on the 14th because I think it will work best to do my long run that Friday morning (as Saturday is the meet). Which means I can NOT stay out late the night before.

Post-session I was pretty low again, though, really pissed at myself for crying over Boston so easily. I really don't like the person I've become: I don't like being this over-emotional and weak and negative and downright depressing. I wouldn't want to be friends with me.

I miss liking myself, liking my body, feeling strong & confident & unstoppable, looking forward to the future. I desperately miss this version of me.

Grateful: For a past where I did kick ass...because surely there is a way to get back there...right?

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