Wednesday, February 27

Nutrition: I failed to resist fake carbs (my one goal for the week) already at breakfast. I ate one of last night's biscuits because how could I NOT use one to sop up the delicious yolk and bacon grease on my plate?! Otherwise feeling good and maintaining fine. Testing pork rinds again...second ingredient is maltodextrin, presumed reaction.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 845p-445a, 72% quality. Felt pretty decent.

Body: Right inside shin feels weird. Foot is okay; there but not bad. Completely forgot running gear to run after work with anyone, and then by the time I got home, I was uninterested.

Chins during class, 3x6; slow & strong, zero kip or bounce or swing. Beautiful. If only I could knock out 10 like that!

Brain: Pretty good.

I have been thinking a lot about the quote that I saw on FB a few days ago, about the effect it would have on me if my body type became the cultural ideal. How would it affect me, what would I do differently, how much more free time would I have?! So i am trying to think AS IF this truly is the situation. Stop wasting so much energy on my appearance. Just with the small step of eliminating the food tracking, I already feel a little more free, like I have a little more spare time...I like it.

Also, this email from Joy made my

I signed up for the Whole30 daily emails and the Day 0 newsletter features my buddy­čśâ

Your skin. Many folks report clearer skin and a healthy glow after their Whole30. Blog reader Judy noticed such a change that she sent us her story before her Whole30 was even finished, and Sabrina's skin transformation was nothing short of astounding. (Make sure you click on her "current photo" link a the bottom of the page - she's positively glowing!) Take your before photo with a clean face, then do the same with your after shot-and be prepared for some noticeable changes, even if you don't have "problem skin."

Grateful: That I knew Jack. We lost him one year ago today.

Tuesday, February 26

Nutrition: Happy high day!

I've discovered a phenomenal new treat: coconut oil + PB2 + chocolate protein = best apple dip EVER. Add a bit of honey on carb days and boom, sheer bliss!

I also made biscuits that were truly biscuit-textured. Flavor is a bit too eggy so I shall attempt a little tweaking next time. But ohmygod biscuits!

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 9p-445a, 79% quality. I woke at 4 and fell back...would have been thrilled with another hour. Felt pretty good, though

Body: Weirdness inside left hip is back, otherwise good. Foot fine, just a little worse in afternoon. Standing all day. Happy session times with Joy. Chins in session, 5x3. Crossed the 800 mark!

Brain: The RFL breakfast was a wonderful boost to my day. Also, getting to train with my Buddy!

Grateful: For fundraising opportunities at work. We had a Relay for Life breakfast that I worked 630-830 and it was a blast! Totally worth getting up for at 5am.

Monday, February 25

Nutrition: I can't stop thinking about body comp. Blargh! I am still feeling stuck in the deep dark murky "How much do I eat?" swamp. I need to find a balance between fueling workouts and making up for poor sleep and too much stress and yet...not getting fat. Even though I am not supposed to me thinking about it! This week my goal is to avoid fake carbs except for Tues/Thurs/Sat. A tiny goal, let's see if I can at least manage that.

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 9p-445a, 97% quality. It was good, but it didn't feel THAT great.

Body: Some ache in foot, minor, about where it was yesterday. All else is good, though feeling tired. Sat most of day. Lunch run felt great, though after 20 minutes there was a lot of walking for Lisa; her guts was angry. Feet got really puffy by end of day.

Pulls all dead-hang, 3x5.

Brain: To start with: tired but feeling ready to battle through the week.

By noon: I want to go home. (And if not for my first leadership meeting in the afternoon, I would have.)

By supper: I am feeling fine! Both of us home early, my butt on the couch, a book in my hands.

Grateful: For my regular committed class attendees. Fun boys!

Sunday, February 24

Nutrition: Ate too much for a rest day. I'm doing okay avoiding snacking, but at the end of every meal, I'm still hungry, snacky, craving a sweet finish. Ugh.

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 1015p-630a, 80% quality. Okay; could have used more, was dozing 430a onward. Very tired by 5p.

Body: No long run aches. Foot better than after Wednesday's run, wow! I still had to tape it, though. Sat all day. Debated back and forth, but ultimately I canceled my plan to put an hour on the treadmill; partly not in the mood, but also so that I can run tomorrow instead. Pulls were just plain forgotten.

Brain: Anti-social and tired. Started my day with a good two hours of reading...but then that's all I wanted to do. Didn't want to work, didn't want to leave home, didn't want to deal with anyone. REALLY didn't want to go into the bar to pick up Hop after Daytona, but was told people wanted to see me. Forced myself to go in and I was happy I did, but would have been just as happy go home.

I went to town without a stitch of makeup and felt kinda bleah & ugly for a while, until I realized: holy shit I am showing my face in public without a stitch of makeup! This is 100% worth eating 100% Paleo...I just it wasn't such a challenging sacrifice to do so. If only the rest of the world was Paleo, too. I felt halfway to crying at the grocery store today. I'm wondering how much the restriction of eating Paleo directly affects my struggle to restrict calories.

Grateful: For a quiet, peaceful house.

Saturday, February 23

Nutrition: Long run day, high day. I overate before the run, frustratingly. Wasn't feeling all that anxious, more so that I wanted to test Larabar & jerky in my belly...but then also added Sunbutter to avoid tasting jerky while running, yuck. Post-run pancakes to refuel.

Restaurant meal at Dickie's Barbecue Pit in St Cloud; the place is like Sabrina's dream world: smoky air, smells like heaven, bunches o' meats and sides and sweet tea and everything that a person could live on. However, thanks to my food issues, I only ordered a half-rack of ribs, zero sides, plain tea; but oh, man, the ribs were downright fantastic! Tender and smoky. And at home I made up for it with homemade coconut ice cream that tasted like a peanut butter cup. Nom!

Sleep: 7 hours in bed, 930p-430a, 65% quality. Oof. Had to get up early to run, and just plain didn't sleep well - woke often.

Body: Got up feeling good but tired. Taped food and ran somewhere between 10.5 & 11 miles.

Run also revealed slightly sore/tight hammies. Under-hydrated for sure, and running too early to have made up for it. During run, when I stopped to retape, I sucked down a bit of Ultima, but that's it. Next time, I also need to nab a salt tab and see how that feels.

Post-run I actually felt quite good. Joints were all perfectly happy, though left shin was slightly tender.

Pulls 4x4, 100% dead hang.

Brain: Decent. Wish the run had gone better (longer), and annoyed by the husband who was supposed to make my post-run pancakes but I had to make my own because he was still sleeping off his hangover at the boss's house. A failed nap attempt left me a bit grumpy too, but a successful trip to St Cloud made up for things.

Grateful: For fun fellow runners.

Friday, February 22

Nutrition: Rest day, so I cut back a bit and aimed for low carbs. Since I was at the tax firm, and tired, I did more "snack meals" as opposed to big meals like yesterday. Worked well, but still felt quite snacky, like pretty much ALL DAY I was fighting cravings. WTF? It was the kind of day where I felt urges to eat my fists off or else take up drinking again. I did not drink due to the planned AM long run, but I sure did eat too much. Supper with Amy at The Corral meant ribs AND steak. NOM.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 10p(!)-6a, 85% quality. Turned in late because Hop & I were mapping out the summer calendar with his racing plans so we can work on vacation & housewarming timing. I got up feeling fairly rested, but I felt tired all damn day long.

Body: Fatigued overall, but foot feels fine (didn't tape it) and low back is good again. Annoyed going INTO deadlift day, but happy coming out? That's the magic of NSS! Sat all day at DBB.

Brain: Didn't really want to come to the tax firm today. Lack of coffee may have played a role in that attitude, but also just rather "bleah" & tired. The people were fun and awesome as always, but I just wanted a nap. My first client had a QuickBooks file that was a natural disaster, and usually this energizes me because I love to fix things...but today I was discouraged.

Oh, and our renters backed into the garage door. Blargh. Delegated to Hop with a text that was designed to guilt him into dealing with it, but they got it fixed before he called. Still, we should probably look at it, and by "we" I firmly mean "he."

And I told the tax boss I'd be in Sunday but only half the day. Naturally, he's fine with it. Naturally, I felt a little guilty, but I'm working on that.

Grateful: That coffee is so cheap. Nectar of the overworked!

Thursday, February 21

Nutrition: Snacky in AM and super hungry by supper. Few extra carbs on deadlift day.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 915p-515a, 74%. Woke a few times but was mostly solid. Got up feeling a bit tired, but decent.

Body: Low left back is tight, worse than yesterday. Movement in session made it better.

Foot slightly sore but not consistently so. At PT, James had his intern scrape me, tape me, (and talk marathons!) and then sent me out the door. Wants me to call at the end of next week and let him know how runs have gone. Yay!

Stretches x3 (8a, 8p). Pulls in session, 2x8.

Brain: Decent. Little tired but the day went well. And I finally saw my husband for the first time in 4 days, nice!

Grateful: For Americanos.

Wednesday, February 20

Nutrition: I had to drink black tea with breakfast, instead of coffee. Heaven help me everyone else. Luckily, there is PLENTY of coffee at TS! Hungry much of the day, weirdly.

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 9p-445a, 86% quality. Felt good but was dozing in/out final hour or so.

Body: Taught class at 630a, did warmup & pullups. Foot feeling mostly good, no issues doing morning train. Still weirdness in right groin area on a lunge, just a strange twinge - not there on squats. Low back is tight from yesterday (swings?) but otherwise rest is feeling pretty good. 4.2m lunch run with Lisa felt pretty much fantastic.

Stretches x3 (8a, 1245p, 8p). Pull-ups during class, easy 3x5.

Brain: Fine. Busy day: started by locking myself out of my car, was rather productive at work despite a ton of meetings, spoke twice in front of the all-team, stayed pretty upbeat all day.

I had another mini-breakthrough last night: it's less that I have a need for people to like me (I know that saying NO won't make them dislike me) and more that I hate to disappoint anyone. About anything. (Although, honestly, how disappointed are they going to be if I say "no" to something small...I'm not actually the center of the world, after all.)

I think the fear of disappointing stems from this: I am so consistently disappointed in myself. And that is because I have stupidly high standards for myself.

Yet I can forgive others for almost anything - why can't I forgive myself?

Grateful: For my friends. They are incredible, wonderful, amazing women.

Tuesday, February 19

Nutrition: Last night I made a truly radical decision: no more tracking.

I have been tracking every single morsel I eat for FIVE AND A HALF YEARS. I'm tired of doing it, it takes up too much energy, and most importantly: it's not benefitting me anymore.

I don't make healthier choices because of it - my choices can't really get a whole lot healthier. It doesn't prevent me from overeating - in fact, sometimes the opposite. And when it's ugly, even if my body comp has not actually changed, I feel like a failure and beat myself up. Obviously there is no benefit to that at all, so why the hell am I still doing it?

Here is what I need to do: follow the Whole9 macro recommendations, and do not purchase trigger foods.
  • Macros per meal: a palm-sized serving of protein, 2 vegetables, a serving of fat. Add a dose of carbs PWO. Occasionally a serving of fruit. Avoid snacking. Done. If I can abide by that, I don't need to count calories or track what I'm eating. I'm going to land where I need to land, give or take.
  • Trigger foods for me are nuts, nut butters (although almonds & packets of Sunbutter are okay), and certain "paleo junk food" that I can't resist. These are the foods that I eat far beyond a reasonable serving size, pretty much every time. (Larabars are okay, Jennie's macaroons are NOT.) Or perhaps I can eat them reasonably for a while, but once I'm feeling tired & beat down, I can't avoid stuffing my face. Basically, any food where I regularly have the mindset of "Well, if I just eat the rest of it right now, it will be gone and I won't have to resist it anymore" needs to stop coming into my house so I simply can't binge on it. (Obvious, isn't it?)

I'm going to continue to track things that I think are important: sleep, miles, pull-ups, recovery work, and stress. For now, at least, that's it.

Steve, bless his brilliant helpful heart, fully agreed with the above.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 845p-445a, 91% quality. I woke for a sec when Hop came to bed (midnight, according to the graph), and then woke for good around 415/430. Tried to fall back just in case I could, but couldn't, partly because Oscar decided it was time for a love fest. I did feel pretty well-rested.

Bonus: Sliver of daylight at 615am. Wheeeee!

Body: Shoulder/neck thing is almost gone. Back to pull-ups season, baby!

Foot feels better - did not tape in morning; sometimes it hurt, sometimes it didn't. Better later in the day.

Session felt fantastic.

Stretches x3 (7a, 130p, 8p). Chins in session, 3x3.

Brain: See "nutrition" & "sleep" - I am doing much better. Also, see Steve.

We spent plenty of time talking about my mental overload being a direct result of my overcommitments - which are a direct result of my complete inability to say no to anyone.

Funny story: after telling him how overloaded I was, mentally beat down, practically in tears, Steve asked if I ever do other people's taxes, and of course I do, and so then he asked if I would consider helping him out, and of course I said yes. And that was a trick, the little bastard - wanting to show me that even while I was so vocal about my stress overload, I still did not hesitate for one single second to add more work to my life. And at that realization, my tears flowed like a faucet.

I am willing to help everyone, all the time...even if it kills me. It seems I think I have to help save the entire world; I want everyone to like me, am a people-pleaser beyond fucking belief. It's sickening! All this stress is my own fault. I am doing this to myself. I knew this, and yet today I knew it. Cue tears.

However, there is a bright spot: if I am the problem, that means I am also the solution.

I need to narrow my focus to the things that I have to do and the things I enjoy doing - and offload the rest as much as I can. Steve also shed light on how to view the list by asking if I would be willing to walk away from X provided they had someone willing to do the work, step in and replace me, guilt-free...would I be okay with letting it go? On certain things (LAPW Treasurer), I can say yes, absolutely, but on other things (NSS), no way - because it does truly fill my bucket to do them.

So that is my dividing line: does it fill my bucket? It's time to make some lists and get relentless about trimming it up.

Grateful: For Steve.

Monday, February 18

Nutrition: Finally felt strong enough for at least a half-fast day. Waited to eat until I was really & truly hungry, at which point I also felt like ass. Eating helped.

5a-c reg
6a-c reg w/ T coconut milk
630a-taught class (did warm-up w/o jumps)
730a-Americano w/ SF syrup
930a-2c reg
12p-can tuna, oz almonds, med apple, Uberbar (forgot supps, took dose of Vit B)
215p-2c herbal tea
6p-pepperoni chips w/ Todd County baba ganoush, chicken sausage, asparagus, too much trail mix, kombucha, supps
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 845p-5a, 91% quality. Finally some semblance of a good night's sleep - although it took a while to fall asleep (monkey mind) and I could easily have slept another hour. But it's a start.

Body: Neck/shoulders still tight, especially in AM, but improved quite a bit. Weirdness in left hip (inside, groin-ish area) doing lunges in class warm-up.

Foot is the same, hurts sharply without tape and/or with a bad tape job - there is a sweet spot for hitting the right squeeze. Even James didn't get it with his re-taping, had to re-do it again at TS. And then the arch hurt because it was too tight, and it got puffy. Sat most of the day.

At home, spent 20 minutes in the hot tub.

Brain: Tired. And truly sick of being tired. Got to do some leady stuff today which went well and gave me a tiny boost. Still, left a little early to give myself a treat.

I have been listening to the book Willpower. It's about concepts like ego depletion and decision fatigue - and I clearly see myself in these places. I can understand why I predictably fall apart during tax season, especially tax season + marathon training, and even more especially tax season + marathon training + job promotion.

I put it up here too often lately, but OMG SRLSY look at this list:
  • TS staff accountant
  • TS team lead
  • TS group fitness instructor
  • NSS admin
  • DBB tax preparer
  • landlord
  • LAPW leadership team
  • LAPW philanthropic committee
  • RFL co-captain
  • marathon trainer Boston marathon trainer injured Boston-marathon trainer
  • powerlifter
  • dieter
  • And much less pressure in these areas, but there nonetheless:
    • wife
    • friend
    • daughter
    • cat mom
Is it any wonder I'm feeling mentally beaten into a pulp? Anyone expect me to wear a cheerful countenance when every other step hurts? Is it a surprise to anyone besides me that this emotional eater would dive face-first into homemade trail mix bars or micro cakes?

Probably not.

But what's the solution?

Seriously, anyone?

Grateful: That my trail mix is gone. No more willpower needed.

Sunday, February 17

Nutrition: I was going to fast today. I felt too crappy to do so, both physically & mentally. I need to go back to not having any "fun" food options around. Fuel only.

730a-fried egg, s chicken sausage, sl bacon, 6 Brussels sprouts, slice eggplant, 2 trail mix bars, 2c reg w/ 2T coconut milk, supps
1030a-Larabar, Uberbar, c reg, supps
12p-5.18m run
115p-s Ultima
6p-3oz chicken w/ veg & honey mustard, bunch of trail mix, micro cake, 2c decaf w/ T coconut milk, supps
Throughout day-2 quarts water

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 1015p-7a, 84% quality. Fairly solid; woke a couple times but fell back easily.

When I got home from the run/NSS I was incredibly drained & tired. Wet to bed, but could hear husband in garage through ear plugs. Went to couch, may have fallen asleep for a bit but not long at all; sleep app shows zero sleep. Tried to fall back but husband making supper kept me up. And drained.

Body: Foot is feeling good, upper back is painfully tight. Every turn of my head hurt in AM, though it improved throughout the day.

Run felt great on the foot, though I went back to my old fatties, as new pinkies just didn't feel right when I took a few test 8s at NSS. Was fun to run with Shawn and learn more about her.

Post-run, I took off all the tape because the blister area hurt like a mofo to stand. Did not re-tape at home, just stayed off my feet.

Brain: Feeling like an utter failure due to caloric intake. I am figuring out that I simply have no willpower left over after all the stresses I've placed upon myself. Ugh. Trying to take the view that Dustin/Steve would recommend, that I think of the weekend as a solid run on a taped foot, and call it a success, but....I can't stop feeling like a failure.

And I'm tired and shot and tomorrow is Monday. Eff.

Grateful: For people who bring a semblance of balance into my life, because without them, I'd be an even bigger disaster.

Saturday, February 16

Nutrition: Fast day concept was once again scrapped due to crap sleep, and I overate most of the day. Blargh. I am NOT going to hit my calorie target for the week.

6a-fried egg, 6 Brussels sprouts, sl bacon, s chicken sausage, 2 trail mix bars, 2c reg w/ 2T coconut milk, supps
730a-2c reg w/ SF syrup
830a-2c reg w/ SF syrup
930a-can DC
1030a-4 sl bacon (a tax firm breakfast treat - spoiled!)
1130a-can DC
1230p-3oz chicken & roasted veg, 2 trail mix bars, supps
3p-bag bacon jerky, apple chips, bottle DDP
630p-bag chili pistachios
730p-salad w/ balsamic, 4 trail mix bars, can Zevia, supps
9p-handful trail mix
Throughout day-1 quart water

Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed, 1015p-530a, 77% quality, but felt even worse. Fell asleep great, but woke hot/sweaty/gross around 330a and was in/out after that. Lost an ear plug so I kept hearing the cats, too many calories at supper, pain in shoulder/neck, thought about job #1 stuff, UGH UGH UGH.

Body: Neck/shoulder area is obnoxiously tight. Boo.

Foot felt a lot better in the AM for the little bit I walked around on it before retaping. BIG YAY!

Brain: Tired but doing okay, tax firm peeps always lift me up. Long day, though: 745a-545p...if only I could get some gumption to get in there earlier. Too tired to stay any later but not too tired to overeat.

Grateful: That I can do my own taxes. (Less so that I can do everyone else's taxes.)

Friday, February 15

Nutrition: Was going to fast today (to make up for yesterday) but crap sleep has me postponing until tomorrow.

615a-2 fried eggs, sl bacon, 6 Brussels sprouts, chicken sausage, trail mix bar, 2c reg w/ T coconut milk, supps
8a-Americano w/ SF syrup
1015a-Uberbar, can DC
2p-salad w/ balsamic, bag jerky, 2c decaf w/ SF syrup, supps
630p-tiny apple
8p-chicken & roasted veg, micro cake, 2 trail mix bars, supps
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Sleep: 9 hours in bed, 9p-6a, 81% quality. Felt worse - woke often starting at 2a. Got up feeling like crap.

Body: Foot is the same, still very inconsistent with when it hurts more. Little bit of all-over fatigue, nothing specific, probably just tired.

Stretches x3 (8a, 1p, 10p). Pulls plan: do them throughout day, all 100% dead-hang, stopping if I thought I might need even a little kip to finish the next one: 4, 3 - and there I strained something in right shoulder/neck. Crap!

PT James taped my foot, thinks it is a ligament that is in dire need of rest; taping keeps the weight off. Okay to do calf stretches (flat foot only) but cancel the twisty-stretch he gave me yesterday. Still feels confident I can try a Sunday run.

Brain: Tired. Stressed. Overwhelmed. See yesterday's list, and add: feeling like I suck.

Then I met with my lead for an hour, and we talked about how to start shedding my Staff Accountant tasks, and the ways I can start to help my team streamline their stuff, and I felt TONS better. Hooray! Still overwhelmed, but not nearly as close to crying about it.

Proof: serious frustrations at NSS but I held a great attitude. Helped: discovered some errors by others that should save them $300. Just earning my keep, all in a day's work for us super heroes!

Grateful: For all of the positive-thinking peeps in my life.

Thursday, February 14

Nutrition: Normally a high everything day due to deadlifting, but it's deload week, and I overate yesterday, so I thought I'd go for moderation instead. But then: blood donation in a'noon, and VD bacon roses in eve.

130a-2 sl toast w/ CB&J
6a-2 fried eggs, sl bacon, 6 Brussels sprouts, 2 sl toast, 2c reg w/ T coconut milk, supps
730a-2c reg w/ T coconut milk
830a-Uberbar, can DC
1015a-Americano w/ SF syrup
12p-personal training
130p-can tuna, 2 homemade trail mix bars, oz almonds, supps
2p-blood donation
3p-med banana
630p-pork chop w/ honey mustard, bunch of bacon roses (some w/ dates), supps
8p-trail mix bar
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 9.5 hours in bed, 830p-6a, but oh, what sad, sad hours they were. 76% quality, which is way too high. It took me ages to fall asleep (feeling very stressed and sorry for myself), I was wide awake 1a-230a (got up and hit bathroom, couldn't fall back so I got up & ate, then a while to fall back), and the alarm started waking me at 530a. I wanted to throw it across the room. So tired.

Body: Foot hurts, all else is feeling a little overall fatigue, blaming the poor sleep and stress. Thankful it was deadlift deload week.

PT: Newtons probably angered outer tendons/ligaments, and stretches off a step have kept it aggravated. He stretched, scraped, and gave me stretches to do on my own. Returning tomorrow, deload run on Sunday, return on Monday. He had high hopes. But all day the foot continued its cycle of "Now it hurts like a mofo" and "Now it doesn't hurt at all" - I could not place any kind of consistency on it. Emotionally & mentally draining.

NEW stretches x3 (930a, 130p, 8p). Pulls in session, 10/7/5. Passed 700 YTD!!

Brain: Tired. Stressed.

Oh, what a list: two jobs at TS, during audit week - and bonus, the auditors created a bunch of rework so now I am a half-day farther behind than I already was on January reporting; NSS; DBB; rental house; LAPW; foot pain and how it affects Boston which, ZOMG, is only two months from tomorrow; lifting; body comp. BLARGH.

I have to transition rental issues to the hubster. Lifting will now back down for Boston training and that should drop the (self-induced) pressure. I have to stop caring about body comp (though I don't know how to do so). TS will calm down after the auditors leave, although the two-jobs issue isn't moving anywhere anytime soon. The foot has to get better (right?) - Mary had a good point, that pretty soon I will have cycled through every body part injury and should be good to go!

Grateful: For blood donations at work. It went so smoothly I didn't even get anxious about it. Cool!

Wednesday, February 13

Nutrition: Supposed to be a low-carb, moderate-cal day, ended up high on calories thanks to my attempt to make treats for friends. However, I need to give up on roasting nuts - I always cross over into "I think I can taste the char" territory.

5a-bag jerky, c reg
6a-Larabar, almond milk latte w/ stevia
715a-Americano w/ SF syrup
9a-4 Reese's Pieces, oz almonds, 2c half-caff, supps
1045a-Larabar, 2c decaf w/ SF syrup
1215p-pulls, yoga, treadmill, chins, treadmill
130p-salad w/ pepitas & balsamic, Uberbar, can DC, supps
330p-2c herbal tea
6p-eggplant pizza omelet, bunch of nuts (while making treats), supps
Throughout day-3.5 quarts water

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 9p-430a, 65% quality. Felt a little better than that, but woke at 3 & dozed in/out until the alarm went off at the early end of my half hour - thanks to Oscar.

Body: Foot a little worse than yesterday - pain is sharper. PT streches and TB'd before class. Yesterday didn't really hurt to stand on it - today it did. Made a PT appointment, earliest I can get in is tomorrow at 9a. Iced at 1045a. Felt slightly better after icing but didn't last. Tested it with yoga, treadmill, weird results.

Stretches x2 (630a, 1245p). Pulls during class, 3 false-grip kips x5; then weighted at noon--pulls 10x1, 15x1, 20x1 / chins 10x1, 15x1, 20x1.

Brain: Really getting anxious about the foot. The more I think about it, the closer I get to crying. Thus, trying not to give it any thought. Hard, when it's there with every damned step. Makes me want to over-eat - which I did, a little, until the test run, after which my brain was on a little straighter.

However, I did decide yesterday that if I have to sit out Boston yet again, I'm just going to spend the whole vacation 100% hammered. And since I've had about 10 drinks in 3 years, one bottle of Mangria ought to tide me right over.

Gratitude: I have the most wondertastic friends; I really do.

Tuesday, February 12

Nutrition: High-everything day due to lifting. Good times!

5a-c reg
6a-bag jerky, c reg w/ T coconut milk
630a-taught class (did warm-up)
730a-2c reg
930a-Larabar, .5oz almonds
10a-2c reg w/ SF syrup
12p-personal training
130p-can tuna w/ 2T mustard on 2 sl toast, tiny apple, Larabar, can Zevia (forgot supps)
630p-2 fried eggs on toast w/ bacon & honey mustard, 2c decaf w/ T coconut milk, PB&J micro cake, supps
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 845p-5a, 87% quality. Wide awake around 3/330a (why?), but fell back, alarm woke me. Yuck.

Body: Foot still hurts. Better the longer I am up & moving, so not sitting today other than a half-hour meeting. Session felt wonderful - foot pain didn't really change except for when it went away on farmer's walks...what?

Stretches x1 (630a). Chins in session 10, 7, 7.

Brain: Little bit blah & demotivated in the AM. But my session left me in a fabulous mood, because Dustin @NSS + iron = magic.

Grateful: For smart business decisions. I can attend the powerlifting meet, hooray!

Monday, February 11

Nutrition: Moderate-carb & -cal day. NCP summary post updated.

615a-fried egg, chicken sausage, sl bacon, Brussels sprouts, 2c reg w/ T coconut milk
9a-Americano w/ SF syrup
1030a-oz almonds
1130a-powerlifting accessories
1p-salad w/ balsamic & pepitas, med apple, Uberbar, can DC (forgot supps)
3p-2c herbal green tea w/ T coconut oil
530p-oz almonds
7p-6oz chicken & roasted veg, 2 sl toast w/ coconut butter & jelly, 2c decaf w/ T coconut milk, supps
Throughout day-2 quarts water

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 945p-545a, 82% quality. Soild until the stupid effing gov't alert went off at 345a - despite having the phone muted. (Alerts are now off. Jerks!) Very in/out after that. Alarm woke me; felt I could have used another hour or so.

Body: Foot still hurts. (Getting ready to cry now.) Sat at desk all day. Foot felt better at end of workout than at beginning. Tennis ball gave me equal pain/tightness between both feet other than sole of right heel. Nothing found anywhere else with foam rolling.

Cyst on right wrist is flared up again, likely because of the additional tax firm hours & forgetting to bring a wrist brace there. Smacked it this morning & after workout - hey, that's how to fix it, plus it hurts less than doing fist pushups.

Stretches x2 (1130a, 730p). Pulls in workout, 28 total.

Brain: See foot pain. Blargh. Long work day yet again, when will things settle down, please?

Grateful: For cute boots, worn because I'm sitting today. Silver lining to the foot pain.

Sunday, February 10

Nutrition: Low-calorie day due to trying to hit my weekly average.

830a-omelet (egg white, sl bacon, bell pepper, Brussels sprouts, hot sauce), 2c reg w/ T coconut milk, supps
1230p-fried egg w/ garlic-roasted cauliflower, 1.5s chicken sausage, 2c reg w/ T coconut milk, can Zevia, supps
330p-kale chips, Uberbar
345p-powerlifting blast
6p-spinach-crust pizza, carby micro cake, supps
Throughout day-2 quarts water

Sleep: 9.5 (!) hours in bed, 1030p-8a (holy crap, 8a!), 69% quality. That's off, though, probably Oscar. I did wake up with meat sweats at 3a or so, was WIDE AWAKE by the blaring emergency alert (ugh); up for b/r, drink of water, and it took a while to fall back, but was super solid when I did. I didn't even hear the 7am glass breakage by the cats. Thanks, ear plugs!

Body: Good but for foot. That is better, but not normal. No treadmill.

Stretches x3 (10a, 1p). Pulls in workout, 4x4/1.

Brain: Somehow I am still not freaking out about foot...yet.

Grateful: For silly smartass text conversations.

Weekly food prep:
-kale chips
-5 salads
-slow cooker chicken (w/ carrots, daikon radish, summer squash, chard, kale)

Saturday, February 9

Nutrition: Rest day, low carb day. No snacks, just three satisfying meals.

545a-2 fried eggs, 1.5s chicken sausage, 6 Brussels sprouts, 2c reg w/ T coconut milk, supps
7a-2c reg
8a-2c reg w/ SF syrup
10a-2c reg w/ SF syrup
11a-can DC
1215p-6oz chicken, bag jerky, Larabar, can DCP
3P-can Zevia (cf)
7p-lame ass salad (iceberg, sunflower seeds, peas), 14oz prime rib (not lame!), supps
Throughout day-2 quarts water

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 9p-530a, 85% quality. Excellent, solid, though kinda sorta dozing for the last hour-ish, with a doozy of a dream. Literally woke up feeling like it had actually happened and couldn't shake it all day.

Body: Feeling pretty decent - left glute still a little bit off (but better) and touch of all-over fatigue; good time for a deload week.

Right foot pain is still there but improved. Pain was HIGHLY variable: sometimes zero pain, sometimes square middle of heel, sometimes outside bottom like past two days. WTF?

Sat all day at tax firm. Rather tired mid-afternoon. Drank some water for like the first time all day (dumb!) and started feeling normal again.

Stretches x2 (10a, 930p). Rest day from pulls, decided first thing, not a mental failure.

Brain: Again unexcited for the tax firm, didn't roll in until 745a despite waking up at 530a - just pokey getting going. But once there, I was fine. The place is full of fun people!

Grateful: For my family. They're just awesome.

Friday, February 8

Nutrition: Was thinking of a partial-fast day, but weird foot pain had me eating. Moderation, though, and it was easy....rare!

530a-2 sl toast w/ Sunbutter & jelly, 2c reg w/ T coconut milk, supps
7a-Americano w/ SF syrup
9a-oz almonds
1045a-can DC
12p-conditioning fun
1p-salad w/ pepitas & balsamic, supps
7p-omelet (egg whites, chicken sausage, bell pepper, Brussels sprouts, hot sauce), 2 sl toast w/ coconut butter, c decaf, supps
8p-sm apple w/ Sunbutter, decaf almond milk latte
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 845p-515a, 83% quality. Dozed in/out for last half hour or so, but got up feeling pretty rested.

Body: Very sore/tight glutes, tight upper body, puffy feet.

And the right foot pain. Not freaking out about it, but..a little anxious that it seems worse than yesterday. It's outside bottom of foot, okay standing, bad walking, worse barefoot (even compared to super flat, super thin shoes that are practically slippers), better as walking continues (not far, either, just around at work). Stood at TS, sat at NSS.

Stretches x2 (8a, 8p). Pull-ups in workout (5x5, /4) + twice during day 4, 5.

Brain: Busy work day yet again, but left on time, got in a workout, and spent the afternoon having fun at NSS. I'm a lucky girl.

Grateful: That I keep everything. Unearthed an email from October that saved my butt from the auditor today.

Thursday, February 7

Nutrition: Deadlift day + some weird foot pain = high everything day.

230a-carby micro cake, macaroon
615a-omelet (egg whites, sl bacon, 5 Brussels sprouts, hot sauce), 2 sl toast w/ coconut butter & jelly, 2c reg w/ T coconut milk
7a-Larabar, can DC
8a-Americano w/ SF syrup
915a-bag jerky
10a-2c reg w/ SF syrup
12p-personal training
130p-can tuna, oz almonds, Larabar, can Zevia, supps
3p-2c tea w/ .5T coconut oil
7p-big sl meatza, 2 sl toast, micro cake, 7 macaroons, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, but 9p-230a, 3a-545a; 82% quality, but it thinks I was asleep from 2-3a, and I was definitely not. Went to the bathroom, went back to bed, couldn't sleep, gave up and got up. Ate some delicious carbs and went back to bed. Solid from there until the alarm woke me.

Body: Feeling a touch of low-back annoyance first thing, as well as an odd pain on outside of right foot (even just walking, all day), so I sat at my desk nearly all day. Likely the combo of loooong work days plus yesterday's Newtons. TB'd the foot at end of workday.

Stretches x3 (815a, 115p, 8p). Pulls in session, 2x10.

Brain: Good. Another super long work day, but I held a good attitude. Enjoyed an AM Americano purchased by my girl Lisa. Did a large & anonymous random act of kindness for a coworker that has me filled to the brim with warm fuzzies imagining his reaction.

And today I changed my email signature to say "Team Lead, Accounting." Eeep!

Grateful: That I didn't need any willpower to avoid the massive amount of Girl Scout cookies in our area today (um, that I brought in, of course).

Wednesday, February 6

Nutrition: Short-run day on good sleep, thus moderation.

5a-bag sweet & hot jerky, c reg
6a-almond milk latte w/ stevia, supps
630a-taught class (warm-up, pull-ups)
730a-Americano w/ SF syrup
845a-Larabar, 2c decaf
11a-oz almonds, can DC
12p-3m run w/ Lisa
1p-can tuna, large banana, oz almonds, supps
315p-Larabar, 2c herbal tea
730p-salad w/ balsamic & pepitas, egg white omelet w/ peppers, onions, garlic, & hot sauce, sm apple, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a, 76% quality - but felt better than that. I think my portly little man Oscar may have been screwing it up some. (He's back to cuddling up to me, hooray! Clyde, however, is still into sleeping by Hop's feet. Sad.)

Body: Quite good. A little hobbly getting out of bed initially (feet, calves, what?) but felt good in class warm-up and pull-ups. Upper body tight by mid-day. That's weird, could it possibly be from doing 86 pull-ups in 48 hours?

Noon run was great. Wore the Newtons and felt fine.

Stretches x3 (630a, 1245p, 8p). Pull-ups 4x5, /3 /2 (grip issues). Didn't do the two-minute spacing, just "as able" during class.

Decided to take some pressure off myself with the pull-ups. Rather than doing all my sets with just two-minutes of rest (in effort of working toward 20 pull-ups), and feeling intimidated (by my own effing workout design!) thus just plain avoiding them on the days I feel "fat" - I am simply going to do what feels right that day. If it's the two minutes of rest like Monday morning when I felt strong & capable, then that's what I'll do. If it's "as time works" like today during class, then that's what I'll do. If it's a day I feel fat and weak, I'll grab a dumbbell and do sets of 1 or 2 or whatever. Or just work on kips. Whatever. I'm going to be gentler with my expectations & standards of myself during such a stressful time of year. What a concept, right? (I'm a slow learner, folks.)

So long as this change keeps me logging at least SOME pull-ups every day, well, that keeps me on track to the goal of 5000, right? Year to date: 534!

Post-Boston, when I can focus on fat loss again, I can also focus on pull-ups endurance. Plus, by then I'll have done a lot more grip work to help with that issue.

Brain: SO GOOD. Lisa gave me the sweetest card in the world, first thing in the morning. I teared right up. Made. My. WEEK.

Last night I sent an email to my team (how weird to say!) with a heads-up that we're kind of running status quo for a while, being month-end, audit, budget, EVERYTHING, the transition will take a while, just let me know if you need anything and I'll do my best, etc. And this morning one of them promptly emailed me back and then, holy wow: Mary gave me a HUG and said to stop worrying so much! I am so effing lucky.

Super long day 630a-645p, with a sweet lunch run in the middle. Brain stayed capable, though.

Grateful: For Lisa, once again. Bestest friend ever?


You're the owner and operator of the most advanced and adaptable machine ever created. Do something positive with it and have a great day, Team Sexy (that's y'all, FYI).
-Rog Law

Tuesday, February 5

Nutrition: Lifting day, thus higher everything.

545a-fried egg, sl bacon, chicken sausage, 5 Brussels sprouts, c squash, 2c reg w/ T coconut milk, supps
7a-can DC
8a-2c Americano
9a-coconut flakes w/ Sunbutter, 2c reg
12p-personal training
130p-salad w/ half avocado & Caesar dressing, oz almonds, can Zevia, supps
4p-oz almonds
7p-sl meatza, bag Veggie Krunch, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 930p-530a, 88% quality, felt incredibly solid. Could have used a bit more; was quite annoyed when my phone buzzed after I'd just flipped over and dug into my pillow. Although, who wouldn't be?

Body: Feels very good. Still a touch of calf tightness.

Stretches x3 (8a, 5p, 8p). Chins in session, 8, 8, 5.

Brain: Better than yesterday thanks to the great sleep. And chat with Steve*. And order placed for Girl Scout cookies, including some as gifts. I like to give treats!

*My weight went up a whopping .2 lbs (that's like a gulp of water!) and measurements were “basically the same” so there's no need to continue dwelling on Saturday. Point 1.

Then, he laid out this line of thought: if I made zero effort to restrict my intake and just ate whatever I wanted to eat, I’d probably gain, at most, ~5 lbs in the next 10 weeks until Boston. And if that 5 lbs keeps me from getting injured (because I’m fully fueling my training), would that be worth the trade-off? Obviously I didn’t hesitate to say YES! Basically, body comp is always available as a goal, but a solid Boston is not. Point 2.

The boy is smart.

Still, it is hard to just let go of body comp goals – especially when the NSS transformation contest kicks off and "everyone else" gets to lose fat. Somehow I have to keep my goals in front of me ("everyone else" doesn't get to run Boston!!), eat reasonably on the days that I am in control, and take naps on the days I’m not!

And stop effing internalizing so much stress, since it accomplishes NOTHING whatsoever.

Grateful: For Steve & the perspective he brings.

Worth every penny.

Monday, February 4

Nutrition: Wanted to fast again but sleep wasn't great so I attempted moderation.

445a-2 fried eggs, sl bacon, chicken sausage, c Brussels sprouts, 2 sl toast, 2c reg, supps
6a-2c reg
630a-taught class (did warm-up)
730a-2c reg
830a-2c decaf
930a-oz almonds
1130a-yoga, pull-ups, presses
1p-can tuna, oz almonds, med banana, supps
3p-2c coconut cocoa tea
630p-oz almonds, pkg Veggie Krunch, 2 turkey jerky sticks
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 7 hours in bed, 930p-430a, 72% quality. Woke naturally but really could have used another sleep cycle.

Body: Feeling pretty darn good other than being tired. Yoga revealed some tightness in calves & upper back, but that's it.

Stretches x3 (630a, 12p, 9p). Pull-ups 4x4, /4 & chin-ups 4x4, /4 to catch up after three straight zero days.

Acne: Lesson learned this weekend: I can't get the everything omelet & hash browns at the Coffee Pot Cafe. I can at Jan's Place, though!

Brain: Mixed bag of emotions.


First official day as a lead, but zero official instruction on changes, and still doing all of my usual tasks related to close. Auditors here, bit of added work. Also, for some reason I was very self-conscious about the promotion being on the Wahoo Web yet again. Not wanting the extra attention today. On the other hand, no new duties but still a raise!

Ready to beat myself up over the massive calorie intake Fri/Sat, but average calories were actually a touch down from the prior week. Either way, though, something needs to change. The binge cycle makes me feel horrendous for days.

I know I need to take a nap after my long run. NEED to. Go home, shower, nap, THEN run whatever errands are necessary. Waste the gas of going back to Alex if I must - better than eating 5000+ calories in one day. That's not a typo.

Grateful: For friends who say things like "So, you felt completely different when you got up, right? You automatically felt like a lead who knew everything?" or who notice tiny things like my first official email sent as a lead. They understand it's going to be a process, but they also have full confidence in my abilities. I sure do wish I did.

Sunday, February 3

Nutrition: Fast day, after two days of massive overeating. Was okay until got super tired mid-afternoon. And cold. And cranky. Ate supper on way home.

645a-c reg, supps
730a-c reg w/ stevia
830a-2c reg w/ SF syrup
10a-2c reg w/ SF syrup
11a-can DC
3p-2c [really bad instant] decaf
830p-2c raw veg, bag jerky, Uberbar, bottle DA&W
Throughout day-1 quart water

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 1015p-630a, 83% quality. Felt quite solid. Alarm woke me, and I felt like I could have slept at least two more hours. Was very slow-moving to get ready. Blargh.

Body: Bit of all-over fatigue/depletion, but zero specific aches or pains after the long run. Fantastic!

Stretches x1 (8a).

Brain: At tax firm, did not want to be. Didn't get everything done at home yesterday that I should have, thus annoyed that I'm working today. Plus, tired, no energy, etc. Pile waiting for me was downright overwhelming. Worked until 8p.

Plus a little dose of landlord stress.

I need more hours in every day. Or better productivity. Or fewer jobs.

Well, but none of that is going to happen. One thing I can do is put the hubster in charge of the rental. I'll start there.

Grateful: For gas station delis that have actual vegetables. So rare!

Saturday, February 2

Nutrition: Calorie overload. Poor sleep, pre-run anxiety, post-run snackiness - massively so. Felt helpless to stop eating.

330a-2 fried eggs, 2 sl bacon, s chicken sausage, 2 sl toast, carby micro cake, 2 macaroons, 2c reg w/ 1/4c almond milk, supps
430a-Uberbar, 2c reg
6a-6.3m run
7a-1.6m run/walk
730a-4.24m run/walk
during/post-s Ultima, 2 salt tabs
8a-3-egg omelet w/ veg & meat, hash browns, hot sauce, 4c reg
11a-10oz pistachios, can DC
1p-bag jerky, supps
230p-2 macaroons, Larabar, 2T chocolate chips, 2c decaf
7p-2 sl meatza
815p-banana fried ice cream
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: Awful. 6 hours in bed, 9p-3a, 62% quality. Wide awake about 2a onward until I gave up & got up. At 3-effing-AM.

Body: Decent. Some glute soreness. Running went great, though. No pains! Wore compression socks all day. No long-run soreness other than tight left glute (which I had post-deadlifts already).

Stretches x1 (415a). Pull-ups avoided.

Brain: Great due to run, great due to husband time, terrible due to eating.

Grateful: For my husband. He cleaned the house, AND he made me supper. Whattaguy!

Friday, February 1

Nutrition: After yesterday's super high day, I was tempted to fast - but before tomorrow's long run, that would be stupid. Hence, moderation. Not my strength! Low-carb until late snack, but calories were plenty high.

6a-c reg
645a-2 fried eggs, chicken sausage, 2 sl toast, macaroon, almond milk latte, supps
8a-Americano w/ SF syrup
9a-2c reg
930a-oz almonds
12p-s pork carnitas w/ .5c cole slaw, 2s chicken sausage, can Zevia, supps
330p-bag jalape├▒o jerky, oz almonds, 2c half-caff
730p-bag sweet n hot jerky
815p-carby micro cake, 2 sl toast w/ bit of coconut oil & SP butter, 2c decaf, supps
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Note on supps: am down to fiber w/ every meal, a probiotic & D in the morning, and a shot of B mid-day if I am feeling beat. I have not noticed a single difference since running out (1 at a time) of my prior supps (multi, calcium, fish oil, Natural Calm).

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 945p-545a, 79% quality. Very solid other than the last hour or so, but felt pretty well rested. Happy face into the sleep app!

Body: Really good. Yesterday's calorie overload was probably a great way to fully recover from deadlifts before tomorrow's ambitious long run. Also, wore boots (baby it's damn COLD outside!) so I sat all day.

Stretches: x1 (830p). Pull-ups forgotten.

Brain: Very good.

Grateful: For quotes and motivational pictures.

Lessons for LIFE.

However, contrary to what I used to believe, there is no need to push so hard that you collapse to the floor when you're done.

Again: more than just fitness.


Thursday, January 31

Nutrition: High everything on deadlift day. Felt snacky, even before, but most especially after. Like I could have eaten my own fists off. Argh!

615a-2 fried eggs, sl bacon, chicken sausage, 6 Brussels sprouts, 2 sl toast, Uberbar w/ T SP butter, 2c reg w/ T coconut milk, supps
8a-Americano w/ SF syrup
930a-chicken sausage, oz almonds
12p-personal training
130p-can tuna, med banana, oz almonds, Larabar, BCAAs, supps, B vitamins
3p-can Zevia
5p-oz almonds
530p-1.5c decaf
830p-sm apple, piece chicken, 4 macaroons, bit of honey & chocolate chips (carb backloading, or OOPS overloading)
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 930p-6a, 84% quality, felt MUCH worse than that. I took AGES to fall asleep, felt like I never slept and flipped over a million times before I checked the time at 1am, and THEN I slept like a rock until 6a. Total opposite of my usual cycle. Wondering if last night's decaf was actually regular. 

Body: Quite good. Feet are slightly puffy, no toe tendons. Hm. Sat in afternoon. Left glute a tad jacked post-session, mostly just felt tight.

Stretches x2 (9a, 1p). Pull-ups in session (2x7).

Brain: Excellent. Good day of work, good visit at LAPW social.

Grateful: For real, honest conversations, especially when they're with someone you've only "surfacely" connected with before. Good for the soul.