Wednesday, January 30

Nutrition: Many smaller meals today, just due to my "off" schedule. Felt extremely snacky mid-afternoon, then realized I had drank almost no water, so perhaps that was the drive to eat. Also forgot supps.

5a-c reg
545a-Uberbar, c reg w/ T coconut milk
630a-taught class (warm-up, presses)
7a-2.25m treadmill shoe test
8a-Larabar, 1 Reese's Piece, Americano w/ SF syrup
945a-2c reg w/ SF syrup
11a-oz almonds
12p-salad w/ oil & vinegar, c reg
2p-Larabar, 2c reg
330p-oz almonds, Uberbar
7p-salad w/ 3oz chicken & vinaigrette, half pot decaf
Throughout day-2 quarts water

Sleep: In bed 7 hours, 945p-445a, 74% quality. Felt pretty good.

Body: Pretty decent. Bottoms of feet ached upon rising but went away quickly. No aches from yesterday's squats & swings, either!

Shoe test went well. Short, so wasn't expecting pain anyway. Ordered compression leggings with my shoe order, so I am wearing them under today's pants. (Side note: OMG I am wearing PANTS!) I have no idea whether I'll feel anything different after such a short run anyway, but why not give 'em a try.

Stretches x3 (645a, 130p, 8p). Pulls before class (6, 6, 6, 4/2, /4) - I stopped at 4 kips because I moved the freaking squat rack!! Shook me up just enough that I was all out of sorts and shut down. Otherwise, felt pretty strong.

Brain: Doing very good. More congratulatory emails poured in from across the company, more in-person congrats, LAPW meeting over lunch, party at the wine bar in the eve. Good things.

Grateful: For Juliet. So happy to have become friends with that girl over my years here. Thrilled for her new adventure, but sad it requires leaving us. Glad she's a FB regular!

Tuesday, January 29

Nutrition: Lifting day = higher calories & carbs. Small dose of carbs at breakfast, bit more PWO, bunch at supper. Carb back-loading style. NCP diet summary post updated.

6a-2 fried eggs, sl bacon, s chicken sausage, 5 Brussels sprouts, Uberbar, 2c reg w/ 2T coconut milk, supps
715a-can Zevia
8a-Americano w/ SF syrup
930a-oz almonds
11a-2c half-caff
12p-personal training
130p-can tuna, bag apple chips, can Zevia, BCAAs, supps
3p-2c herbal tea
630p-6oz chicken w/ T BBQ sauce, c squash, carby micro cake, 2s chili pistachios, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 9 (!) hours in bed, 845p-545a, 77% quality. Up at 2a for b/r, in/out regularly after that, but I got up feeling pretty darn rested. That's two "happy face" mornings in a row!

Body: Quite an improvement over yesterday. Still some aches in: right outer thigh, left outer shin, both glutes. All else is feeling pretty damned good - and, naturally, session felt awesome.

Stretches x2 (845a, 1p). Chinups in session (5x3).

Brain: Really good. Promotion was officially announced today, and the congratulatory emails ROLLED in. Late night though, worked until 6.

Grateful: For my friends. So lucky to have them.

Monday, January 28

Nutrition: Fasted until supper. I had to, for my brain. Last week's calories averaged 2229. That's 200 over where I'm supposed to be - and it negates a full brutal week of sticking to 1600. Very disappointed in myself. Anyway, cold all day as per usual, but hunger was not bad at all. Was going to fast ALL day but then remembered my goal is performance. So I ate a big, filling supper. Felt good, may eat this way more often, so long as sleep holds up.

5a-c reg
6a-c reg, supps
630a-taught class (did warm-up)
7a-pulls & pushes
745a-2c reg
11a-2c decaf w/ SF syrup
1p-supps, c reg
3p-2c herbal tea
6p-6oz chicken w/ roasted veg, 2 small apples w/ PB2 & choco protein, 2s chili pistachios, 2c decaf w/ 2T coconut milk, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 845p-444a, 94% quality. Dozing in/out final half hour but again it felt like bonus rest.

Body: Felt great until class warm-up, when sore legs became obvious. Continued feeling great after pulls/presses, but then in yoga, I discovered very sore glutes, tight hams, achey shins, weak arms (though that's probably from the pulls/presses). Bit of an annoyed left shoulder/neck in afternoon. Both shins slightly annoyed.

Stretches x3 (830a, 1230p, 8p). Foam rolled in eve. Contrast shower. Eeesh! Pull-ups 5x4, /5. OH presses 55x5x4, push press 55x5.

Brain: Pretty good all day. Busy and productive.

Grateful: For snuggly kitties.

Sunday, January 27

Nutrition: Long run day so I was sure to hit veg. Also totally overate, yet again. There's no way I came near 1900 calories this week. Cravings were better today, but not by much.

630a-2 fried eggs, sl bacon, s chicken sausage, 5 Brussels sprouts, 2c reg w/ T coconut milk, supps
845a-c reg
9a-2c reg, Uberbar, 2s trail mix
945a-8.6m run/walk
1145a-2s trail mix
12p-western omelet (3 eggs, veg, ham), hash browns, 3c reg
3p-.9m treadmill walk
545p-salad w/ half avocado & balsamic, turkey pepperoni w/ TC guac, micro cake, supps
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 945p-545a (!), 82% quality, but it felt better than that. Dozed for last hour or so, but felt like bonus time, not lost time.

Body: Still a touch stiff in legs, but a huge improvement over past two days. Run went well to start, and walk breaks felt like they would extend my distance quite nicely, but had knee pain at about the same timing as last week's total run was (1:20). Hit treadmill later in afternoon to walk and pain came on in 18 minutes.

Stretches x3 (7a, 315p, 730p). Pull-ups were forgotten again.

Brain: Was excited for the long run for the first time in AGES. Was perfectly fine with the walk breaks, but knee pain at the end just killed me. Sat in my car crying afterward. Timing magically worked to join Amy & Stacy for breakfast which helped keep me from totally falling apart.

My feet feel like they are being squished a bit in either pair of shoes, so I placed a Zappos order for $700...6 pairs of shoes on their way to my living room, let's hope one of them feels good and helps.

Grateful: For free money. I found a penny on today's run, and that puts me at $0.27 in the past couple of weeks. I'll be a millionaire in no time!

Saturday, January 26

Nutrition: Tempted to fast to make up for last night, but don't want to impact tomorrow's long run. Decided to just go healthy (other than far too many fake sweeteners at the tax firm) but felt snacky and vaguely unsatisfied all day. Trail mix binge in eve. WTF?

5a-2 fried eggs, sl bacon, s chicken sausage, 5 Brussels sprouts, 2c reg w/ T coconut milk, supps
630a-2c reg w/ T coconut milk
730a-2c half-caff w/ SF syrup
830a-2c decaf w/ SF syrup
1030a-sl bacon & artichokes, 2oz pumpkin seeds, bottle DCP
1230p-6oz chicken w/ roasted veg, bag apple chips, bottle CF-DP, supps
430p-oz trail mix
6p-6oz chicken, .5c sweet potato, 2T pomegranate seeds, s cinnamon crackers, supps
830p-8s trail mix (why do I buy this stuff?!)
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 915p-445a, 92% quality - but dozing last half hour or so. Felt fairly rested, but glad the long run is tomorrow instead.

Body: Still incredibly tight hams, glutes. I did not drink enough water yesterday. VERY glad for the long run being postponed. Stalled digestion. Feeling like that may prompt some of the unsatisfied, snacky, bingey feelings. Also caused by same. Vicious cycle.

Stretches x2 (630a, 9p). Pullups 4x4, /4 (in AM when I felt fat and heavy).

Brain: By 730am, I had eaten a crazily healthy breakfast, done 20 pull-ups, gone grocery shopping, and arrived at the tax firm. Productive!! A decent day, but eyes turned to glue by mid-afternoon, left at 5pm to visit family. Bucket-filling.

Grateful: For my cousin's 7 adorable kids, who treat my parents like their grandparents - and vice versa. Visited them in the eve and had fun playing "cougar attack" with them, but was just as happy to return home to a quiet house.

Friday, January 25

Nutrition: Weird eating at tax firm because my potential lunch dates fell through. (Parents AND husband? Feeling unloved!) Pretty hungry in afternoon, big supper, then a dessert binge at home for some reason...just feeling unsatisfied.

530a-2 fried eggs, s chicken sausage, micro cake, 2c reg w/ 2T coconut milk, supps
730a-2c reg
930a-3.25oz jerky, Larabar, 2c reg
1030a-can DP
1245p-Uberbar, can Zevia, supps
315p-few pecans
430p-5oz roasted salted almonds, bottle DA&W
7p-salad w/ oil & vinegar, steamed veg, half rack dry ribs, glass DP, 3c decaf
830p-carby micro cake, Uberbar, supps
Throughout day-2 quarts water

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 9p-530a, 81% quality. Felt pretty good, dozing in/out for last hour or so, but made it all the way to 5a before I even looked at the time.

Body: Ooof, soreness: (reverse lunges + deadlifts) + Tuesday' swings = super tight whining hamstrings AND glutes. A sign I am doing things right, but I sure hope they get over it by tomorrow's run. Upper back got tight, probably poor posture sitting at desks 1.5 days.

Stretches x2 (6a, 8p). Forgot pullups.

Brain: Good. Working at the tax firm today, where everyone says: "We're so glad you're here!" That's how they keep me coming back, folks.

Also met with and gave keys to our renters. Eep!

And Hop's work party was fun, though I left really early (8p!) due to AM run that was postponed to Sunday, which I didn't realize until I was getting ready for bed.

Grateful: That my husband likes his job so much. Fun people there.

Thursday, January 24

Nutrition: Big supper, kind of a carb back-loading day. NOM.

6a-2 fried eggs, c root veg, s chicken sausage, sl toast w/ coconut oil, 2c reg w/ T coconut milk, supps
8a-Americano w/ SF syrup
9a-sm apple, Uberbar
10a-2c reg
12p-personal training
130p-s pork carnitas, c cole slaw, sm banana, BCAAs, supps
5p-oz almonds
730p-2 fried eggs, 2.5 sl toast, s chicken sausage, bit of squash, carby micro cake, 2c decaf w/ T coconut milk, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 930p-545a, 93% quality. I woke up around 3 & was in/out for a while (checked time at 345a) but I managed to fall back for one more sleep cycle. Awesome.

Body: Still feeling tightness in hamstrings, but session was excellent.

Stretches x2 (1245p, 8p). Pullups in session (2x7).

Brain: Fantastic day at TS, then training, then a fantastic afternoon at NSS, then a fantastic time shopping, even though I was not loving my body all that much.

Grateful: For honey. Honey is delicious!

Wednesday, January 23

Nutrition: No breakfast due to fasted bloodwork at 8am. Not even caffeine...cruel.

530a-c decaf, pullups
6a-c decaf w/ stevia
630a-taught class (did warmup)
730a-2c decaf
9a-Uberbar, oz almonds, c reg, 1 Reese's Piece (stingy this morning!), supps
1030a-2c reg
12p(restaurant)-awesome salad (romaine, baby carrots, cukes, radishs, grape tomatoes, 2 hb eggs, 3oz grilled chicken, balsamic [brought my own])
130p-oz almonds, supps
215p-Americano w/ SF syrup (free! quick coffee break w/ Amy: spoiled)
5p-2s baby peppers w/ 2T salsa, omelet (c asparagus, sl bacon, s chicken sausage, egg whites), micro cake, 2c decaf, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 845p-430a, 82% quality. In/out starting at 4a - made it an extra hour this time, yee haw! Feel okay. Took ZMA, which should get consistent now that I placed it on my bathroom sink and am not relying on memory.

Body: Wow, I sure haven't done swings in a looong time; my hammies are whining today! Slight tightness in forearms & biceps (why biceps?). Left glute a little jacked up, seems typical post-squat day.

Stretches x2 (645a, 8p). Pullups at home 5x4, /4, /1 - fairly hard from the get-go today. Fatigue from yesterday? As of this session, I am caught up to where I should be for the year on pull-ups to hit 5000. Cool beans!

Brain: STILL no word from Team Relations on the promotion. COME ON PEOPLE.

I saw my weight today at a medical check-up thing for life insurance: 144 lbs. When I started training with Dustin I weighed 7.5 lbs less than that. It's also 25 lbs heavier than when I hit my lightest weight two years ago. Obviously I have added muscle since then, but definitely not 25 lbs of it. I'm trying very hard not to let my perspective change because of one silly number, but holy crap, that's ugly and painful.

Grateful: For curly hair. The wind made it a little frizzy, so I slapped it into an updo mid-afternoon. Not perfect, but good enough for the last few hours of the day. That's an ability that I'm sure many straight-haired ladies would give a pinky to have!

Tuesday, January 22

Nutrition: Met with Steve today. New plan: average 1900 calories, 130g protein, up to 150g carbs, take one low day per week (~1400 cal) to prevent weight gain. The goal is to get me sleeping well and feeling good again. Here, here!

5a-2 fried eggs, s chicken sausage, sl bacon, 2sl cocotein dessert toast, 2c reg, supps
7a-Americano w/ SF syrup
8a-c reg
9a-oz almonds, can DP
12p-personal training
130p-can tuna, Larabar, supps
4p-few baby carrots, few celery strips, oz almonds
630p-salad w/ balsamic, chicken breast w/ veg, carby micro cake, c tea w/ T honey, supps
Throughout day-3.5 quarts water

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a, 83% quality, in/out 3a onward. Feeling okay, though.

Body: Little bit stiffer than yesterday, weirdly. Also felt a bit dehydrated in the AM - slammed water, back to normal. Session felt excellent, strong - little weirdness up in left glute afterward (typical).

Stretches x2 (130p, 8p). Chin-ups in session (3x3) and afterward (5x2).

Brain: Pretty good. Didn't get any promotion news but...that doesn't mean it isn't coming! Either way, I took myself on a mini Ureshii shopping spree. Love their stuff!

I wish I could wear the yellow shoes, too!

Grateful: That Paleo eating works for me. Heather is tasked with finding a diet based on alkaline foods...I don't know if there is an easy starting template for that - sounds tough.

Monday, January 21

Nutrition: Many small meals throughout the day. Used to do that all the time and got tired of it, doing it today just for something different. Big supper, though: snacky.

5a-c reg
6a-c reg w/ 2T coconut milk, Uberbar, supps
630a-taught class (warm-up, PT stretches)
7a-pulls & pushes
8a-chicken sausage, 2c reg
9a-2c half-caff
945a-oz almonds
130p-salad w/ balsamic, chicken sausage, med apple, supps
7p-c asparagus, pork carnitas w/ cole slaw, micro cake, c herbal tea w/ 2T coconut milk, supps
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

NCP post has numbers updated.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a, 87% quality. Woke constantly after 3a again, but I did feel fairly rested. Forgot to take ZMA.

Body: I pretty much feel fantastic today.

Stretches x2 (645a, 8p). Pulls after class 5x4, /3, /1, /1 - grip was just plain GONE on the kips. OH press 10x5 (same two minutes rest) - a good time to do these, fills the post-class "OMG I wanna do SOMETHING" urge.

Brain: Feeling like "me" again. Long stressful at TS yet again, but managed to keep calm & capable and see it all as manageable challenges.

Grateful: For the incredibly frustrating knee pain that led me to NSS back in '09.

This weekend I was musing over how things played out on Friday. I felt 100% awful in the morning: I hated myself, I hated my job, I hated everything I had to do, simply felt DONE with everyone and everything, everywhere. Like truly depressed people must feel every single second. I was thisclose to canceling my session to go home and sleep, something I have never done.

I went anyway because I knew the dose of movement and therapy would return a little perspective - it always does. Dustin had a heads-up that I was In A Mood (otherwise he surely would've figured it out when he asked me about the interview). He changed up my programming (took away max pull-ups, knowing they would suck and that would cause me to beat myself up even more), got me talking about other stuff, random silly anythings besides me and my horrid internal voice, focused my brain with sumo deadlifts, etc.

When I was finished I felt like a completely different person. And then working there all afternoon with Holea's Friday-afternoon goofiness, plus a bit of chatting with Ashley - that was another serving of wonderful that lightened me up considerably.

Here's what Friday might have looked like if I didn't have NSS: go home and nap, wake up still thinking I suck, and never get out of that funk, leading to a crap long run Saturday morning, and a weekend full of funk. Or perhaps I would've found the effort to work out on my own, and I'm positive I would've chosen Spartacus-style and really beat myself into the ground to get a dose of endorphins - then woke up shot on Saturday and had a terrible long run, again continuing the funk all weekend. (Of course, that's if I had even gotten the ability to run again without Dustin!)

And THAT is a whole bunch of blathering to explain why I prioritize training as a requirement, not a luxury. I want need to be strong & healthy in both body & mind, and NSS helps immensely with both of those.

Without that damnable knee pain, where might I be today?

And to what glorious mountaintop might the current valley bring me?

Sunday, January 20

Nutrition: Was not up to fasting (felt depleted in morning, thanks to senna tea working its magic) so played with meal sizes: normal breakfast, low-calorie at tax firm, then a big hearty supper that still wasn't quite satisfying. Was rather hungry 3p onward. Not the best way to eat for me. Ended up low-calorie though not low-carb.

6a-fried egg, s chicken sausage, 2 sl toast, sl coco-tein toast (toast topped w/ coconut oil mixed w/ vanilla protein powder - yum!), c reg, supps
645a-almond milk latte w/ stevia
8a-2c reg w/ SF syrup
930a-2c decaf w/ SF syrup
10a-Uberbar, bottle DCP
4p-few pecans
615p-salad w/ balsamic, 1 rib, .5c kraut, s pepperoni chips & salsa, micro cake, c herbal tea, supps
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 9p-530a, 85% quality. Was in/out from 3a onward so I felt tired yet when I got up. Why didn't all of yesterday's calories, or the ZMA, help me sleep? What gives? Felt all right most of the day, but pretty tired by 7/730p.

Body: Typical post-long-run left knee aches in AM, normal by PM. Cool! Digestion normalized.

Stretches x2 (8a, 8p). Pull-ups 4x4, /4. Should have done 5s, but the first set felt tough (done after supper).

Brain: Decent. Tax firm all day, kept nice & busy. Only worked 8a-5p but my eyes felt quite gluey by the time I left.

Grateful: For the easiness of my job(s). Play with spreadsheets AND get paid?! Lucky, lucky girl.

Saturday, January 19

Nutrition: Out with body comp goals. In with sleep goals. Gave myself 24 hours to eat whatever I wanted (a micro cake at every meal? don't mind if I do!) and then moved back to low-carb focus. Will fast again tomorrow, if I am feeling good.

445a-c reg
515a-micro cake
6a-7.81m run
9a-2 fried eggs, 2.5 sl bacon, .5c squash, 2 sl toast, sl dessert toast (toast, coconut butter, jelly), half bottle DCP, c reg, supps
130p-salad w/ balsamic, c cole slaw, 3oz chicken w/ honey mustard, half bottle DCP, supps
230p-micro cake, can DP
4p-20min treadmill jog/walk 
6p-s turkey pepperoni chips w/ T salsa, sl bacon & few artichoke hearts (great combo!), 6oz pork carnitas topped w/ c cole slaw, pomegranate w/ coconut milk, chocolate chips w/ coconut oil, supps
7p-c senna tea w/ coconut oil
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 915p-445a, 84% quality. Quite solid, dozing for last half hour or so. Felt MUCH better than I have all week, did not even question whether I wanted to get up and run!

After run, breakfast, & a shower, I took a nap: 2.75 hours, 1015a-1p; the last hour was very in/out because I was so chilly. Stupid wind! One good deep hour, though I felt like more would have been very welcome.

Body: Fantastic. The run felt really good, total confidence booster, no qualms about the slow pace or walk breaks because I am so sure they are exactly why I felt so good. Added treadmill time to soothe concerns over training schedule's 12 miles vs reality's 8 miles. Digestion angry, don't think it liked all those cashews last night.

Stretches x1 because I am so forgetful: (8p). Pull-ups after treadmill 4x4, /4.

Brain: Here are the rainbows and sunshine! I felt good getting up, on the run, after the run, everything. Knocked out my chores, made a ton of food (salads, breakfast sausage, pork carnitas, bacon & artichokes), paid my bills, soaked in the hot tub. A wonderful day.

I did have some moments where I replayed interview pieces and started to hate myself, but managed to shut down those thoughts and move on.

Feeling okay with giving up the fat loss goal and prioritizing running/life again; only wish I had made the decision last weekend, and perhaps that interview wouldn't have sucked so badly.

Grateful: For fellow runners. Chatting with Brett & Mark kept me from ever getting up in my head on the run this morning. Lovely!

Friday, January 18

Nutrition: High everything day for tomorrow's long run. Anxiety eating in the morning due to...sleep? stress? tomorrow's run? all of the above? Lesson learned: extra calories can not make up for low sleep; it didn't help. Anxiety eating in the evening as well. Awesome. Goals? What goals?

430a-2 fried eggs, chicken sausage, 2 sl GF toast, micro cake, 3 honey mint chocolates, c reg
5a-c reg w/ T coconut milk
545a-1.5oz cashews, c reg
6a-c reg w/ T coconut milk, supps
7a-2c half-caff w/ SF syrup
9a-coconut flakes w/ Sunbutter
10a-oz almonds, can DP
1215p-personal training
130p-can tuna, oz almonds, clementine, supps
6p-sausage & squash omelet, pepperoni chips w/ salsa, cashew binge
8p-cashews, micro cake, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed, 845p-4a, 81% quality. In/out for the last hour, could not fall back despite brain being quiet. Slight improvement over prior nights but still very, very tired.

Body: Feels good. Session was glad I did not cancel as I had been debating!

Stretches x2 (6a, 130p).

Brain: Still struggling. No rainbows or sunshine. Initially I felt like maybe I'd gotten enough sleep to improve over yesterday's state, but I still had a mini-breakdown in the AM. (Even before a coworker told me I looked tired. What the hell is wrong with people?!)

Managed to focus on work for a couple solid hours, but I was feeling like a pile of useless shit (mentally) by 10am so I took a break in the Well. Foam rolled for like two minutes, decided that wasn't what I needed; crashed in big soft chair with a picture book for 20min or so - that helped. Best option would have been a nap, but suckers can't be choosers.

Nearly canceled on Dustin to go home and nap, but glad I didn't because it got my mind off "I suck" and then working there was a HUGE mood lift. Love that place. Holea is one of my favorite people.

Still went home and binged on cashews and had another breakdown. Gah.

Grateful: For NSS. Grateful beyond words.

Thursday, January 17

Nutrition: Low-carb day, kept calories moderate.

330a-2 fried eggs, slice protein bread, chicken sausage, micro cake, 2c decaf w/ T coconut milk, supps
8a-coconut flakes & Sunbutter, Americano w/ SF syrup
9a-s coconut flakes, Americano w/ SF syrup
10a-2c decaf
11a-2c half-caff
12p-salad w/ balsamic, can Zevia (forgot supps)
145p-coconut flakes & Sunbutter
4p-2c herbal tea
6pm-c asparagus, 3oz chicken w/ T honey mustard, pint Arctic Zero, supps
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Sleep: 6 hours in bed, 9p-3a, 71% quality. One NyQuil. Took a while to fall asleep, solid when I did, but wide awake around 215a. Could not fall back even though my mind was quiet. Just wide awake. FML.

Body: Feels quite good. Neck/shoulder area is 99% already.

Stretches x2 (5a, 8p). Pulls forgotten until eve, then just plain skipped.

Brain: So tired. Killed some time at home, then went to work at NSS for an hour or so. Then off to TS where I was too exhausted to even work myself up about interview round 2. Great combination, yeah?

I kept telling myself “They want to like me, give them a reason," and tried to just be honest and direct. If I give a bullshit answer, they’re going to know it, and if that’s what they actually want in a lead, well, then, they shouldn’t hire me. I feel okay about it. Not super confident, not like it was a disaster.

The interview part was fine, but for the scenarios it was really hard to talk in terms of “I would do this,” when I’m not sure exactly what my authority would be, and I couldn't ask clarifying questions before explaining my action. Like, if I had a delicate situation, my first step would probably be to go to my lead and ask “Can I do this?” “Can I say this?” “What have we done in the past?” – but I don’t want to say that’s what I would do, ask for help right away!

Plus, I’m so full of self-doubt and insecure when I’m this tired and run-down, I feel like that came across in my answers. Also, for the scenario portion they are observing and treating it as if you were actually presenting in a meeting, and I know that I did poorly at that, too much staring at the table and “um” and lacking any confidence whatsoever. That's what you want in a lead, right?

When it was over, I went to the bathroom, and I literally started bawling in that stall just out of the sheer stress release of “It’s over,” but also “What have I done, what if I get it, what if my life becomes this stress level ALL THE TIME?” etc. And I am not a pretty crier (cryer?), so then I had to hide for a while. (Finally found a use for our many Tranquility Rooms!)

But I survived and it’s out of my hands and it probably was from the start. I am to the thought point now where if I get it, I just hope the team accepts me and I am good at it. If I don't get it, I hope that I like whoever does get it, and that I figure out what will make me enjoy my current position again. I just wish I didn't spend my day feeling like I completely sucked it up this morning.

Managed to maintain my eating plan despite another breakdown at home. Even resisted freshly-purchased raw cashews. Too exhausted to binge? Bought that ZMA so hopefully tomorrow's post is full of sunshine and rainbows.

Grateful: That I work at job where people can see you've been crying and ask if you're okay. At the time, it SUCKS - because it only makes me want to cry again. But it means I work with kind people, and that is something I very much appreciate.

Wednesday, January 16

Nutrition: Low everything day to balance yesterday's high day (which did not help me sleep). Legit hunger in afternoon, moderate cravings at supper.

545a-3oz chicken, T chocolate chips, 2c reg, supps
630a-taught class (did warm-up) then pulls
8a-2c reg
930a-7 (!) Reese's Pieces, coconut flakes & Sunbutter, Americano w/ SF syrup
12p-3.15m run w/ Lisa
1p-can tuna, med apple, supps
2p-2c reg w/ SF syrup
345p-s coconut flakes
6p-egg white omelet w/ bunch o' asparagus & hot sauce, red bell pepper w/ salsa, micro cake, c cocoa tea, supps
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a, 86% quality. Took a Nyquil, but still woke up ~230a, dozed in/out until at least 4a, then fell back asleep until alarm woke me at 5a. Feel a little better than yesterday, though.

Body: Upon waking, bottoms of feet hurt, neck/shoulder stiff - all better with movement. Pull-ups felt pretty good, did not seem to bother the neck.

Lunch run with Lisa was wonderful. Easy, chatty, delightful. So busy talking that I didn't think much about the work I was doing, other than the slippery footing. I hope that feeling stays!!

Stretches x3 (7a, 1p, 8p). Pull-ups 6, 5/1, 4/2, 3/3, /5. So incredibly frustrating how quickly they backslide! With that in mind, I set a goal of doing 5000 pull-ups this year. That's 14 per day. A typical day of doing them is 25-ish, so that still allows me rest days and low-count days. But with seven 0 days already this year, I'm behind! Time to get consistent.

Brain: Feeling quite slow and stupid in the AM. Amy came to my class so that gave me a little boost. Long convo with officemate about insecurities, mostly related to body comp, but also the rest of our lives in general - so rare and so refreshing to be reminded that we are all feeling this way, but so frustrating that none of us seem to get over it. Trying not to freak out too much over tomorrow's round 2 interview & briefcase scenario, but I'm pretty damned anxious.

I feel like I may need to have a conversation with Dustin about deloading from everything: nutrition, lifting, long runs, etc...the combination of poor deadlifts last week and poor chin-ups yesterday feel like early indicators, warning signs. It's similar to how things played out last tax season when I got super depressed, or even last summer, when I had a big ol' backslide with lifting. Or felt like I did.

And we have learned that perceived lack of expected progress leads to Sabrina beating herself up for sucking, which leads to downward spirals in all areas. It ain't pretty, folks. I am currently maintaining perspective and tamping down my expectations given my pile o' stressors, but the longer I am buried in that pile, the cloudier my perspective becomes.

I am thinking perhaps I could stagger the deloads and always have a week off from something, or I might need a week off from absolutely everything. Or I might be worrying for nothing. Either way, it doesn't hurt to bring it up. I am trying to stay ahead of the game here, avoid throwing myself into brick walls until I'm a pile of broken disaster.

Grateful: For Lisa Timmerman. She's so incredibly sweet and yet also a complete & total smart ass. Just my kind of person! Plus, without her company, what kind of runner would I have become? Having her as my regular lunchtime running buddy is such an amazing gift. Someone with a similar training schedule, who runs at the same pace, that I much luckier could I get?

Tuesday, January 15

Nutrition: High-everything day to see if I can freaking sleep tonight.

445a-2 fried eggs, chicken sausage, sl protein bread, 2c reg w/ 2T coconut milk
615a-2c reg
730a-2c reg
9a-coconut flakes & Sunbutter, 2c decaf
11a-med apple, s coconut flakes
12p-personal training
130p-salad w/ balsamic, med apple, supps
3p-s coconut flakes, 2c herbal tea
630p-6oz chicken w/ T honey mustard, c cole slaw, micro cake, T chocolate chips, c herbal tea w/ T coconut milk, supps
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Plotted my day to match yesterday's macos but with an all-protein supper...but once home, I had no willpower to stick to that plan.

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 9p-430a, 60% quality. Woke around 3, didn't get up, just tried to fall back. Couldn't. Feel better today than yesterday though.

Was going to email Steve for help, but remembered he had mentioned ZMA might help sleep, so I figured I should actually try his past advice before I ask again. Had resisted due to expense.

Incredibly tired at 5p. Could have napped while waiting for my oil change. And got stupid enough to completely forget about the Grain Bin for ZMA. Sheesh.

Body: Bottoms of feet hurt upon getting up, low back a bit tight, all else good - and fine once I was moving. Upper back got a bit tweaked in session, nothing concerning, just annoying. Sat a couple hours of the work day, just feeling tired.

Stretches x3 (715a, 115p, 8p). Chins in session (10, 8, 6).

Brain: Decent; better than yesterday despite same overwhelming workload. Too busy to dwell on anything else. (Except at 4am.) Much of the day spent tired and frustrated, waiting to close.

Made the mistake of talking dieting with a coworker, who can lose weight by doing this: cut out the snacking while making supper, and "not go crazy" on the weekends. Why did I even bring it up? That's almost as bad as my husband who can just scale back his Doritos or ice cream habit and shed 10 lbs. Jerks.

Grateful: For good hair days.

Monday, January 14

Nutrition: Moderate-carb, moderate-calorie day. Should be low, but testing effect on sleep with a micro cake at supper. Yeah, I know, I said no more micro cakes. But I need sleep, people.

315a-T coconut oil
545a-fried egg, chicken sausage, c cole slaw, 2c reg, supps
630a-taught class (did warm-up & 1min farmer's walk)
7a-pulls & pushes
8a-2c reg
930a-coconut flakes & Sunbutter, 2c decaf w/ SF syrup
12p(restaurant)-chef salad (romaine, cukes, tomatoes, ham, turkey) w/ oil & vinegar, c reg, supps
145p-2c black tea
3p-1.5c weak black tea w/ T coconut oil, shot B12
315p-15-minute walk (afternoon train, in heels)
630p-salad w/ balsamic, 6oz chicken w/ T bbq sauce, supps
7p-micro cake, 2c peppermint tea
Throughout day-2 quarts water

Diet Summary post has been updated.

Last week's numbers came in at 1671 calories, 87g carbs. Goal of 1600 cal / 73g carbs. I'm calling it a win because I had all of this going on last week: massive TS stress due to year-end close and also interviewing for a promotion; completely terrible sleep; heavy deadlifts & big-time fatigue as a result; crying at work in front of my lead; all of this during a caloric deficit w/ carb restriction until I had a kinda/almost binge day; then I beat myself up for that and tried to remedy it with a 24-hour that enough excuses? Are they excuses, or are they justified?

Does it even matter? It's over. Moving on.

The problem is: I can't survive crap sleep for another week. I have my second-round interview on Thursday morning. I need to get enough high-quality sleep. How? Dr Google indicates more carbs. Shitballs. Added micro cake to otherwise-healthy supper.

Do I really have to prioritize my job over fat loss? And will more carbs even work, or are calories the ticket? Eating more (both calories AND carbs) sure worked on Friday & Saturday nights. I felt like a brand new woman. If only it weren't so fleeting...

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 830p-445a, 75% quality. Up at 315 a for bathroom and ate spoonful coconut oil. Didn't think I would fall back, laid there quite a while, then had weird dreams when I did.

Body: Great. AM pull-ups/OH presses (due to lunch meeting) felt excellent. Left foot was not keen on the afternoon train, but I was in 1.5" heels.

Stretches x2 (645a, 330p). Pulls 5x4, /5.

Brain: Decent. Again feeling kind of burned out at TS, isn't that a great way to start another busy, stressful week. Got better after the lunch meeting with LAPW Philanthropic Committee. We are planning a fundraiser for Someplace Safe...can't stay grumpy through that kind of discussion!

Grateful: For automatic bill payments. Makes life so much easier.

Sunday, January 13

Nutrition: Because I overate so much in the past two days, today was a mostly-fasted day. Not hard; a decent tax firm plan. Probably should have gone all day, but, well, I didn't.

645a-2c reg
730a-2c reg w/ SF syrup
9a-2c decaf w/ SF syrup
11a-can DP
2p-can Zevia
6p-fried egg & sl protein bread, 6oz chicken, 2c decaf w/ 2T coconut milk, 1/4c roasted squash seeds, supps

Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Sleep: In bed 8.5 hours, 930p-6a, 99% sleep quality. Boom!

Body: Feels quite good, actually. Rest day on the plan, sat at tax firm all day. Feeling this good does indicate I could and should have pushed harder yesterday. Lesson learned for next weekend.

Brain: Sleep does this beany brain good.

Grateful: For parents who do things like buy end tables and sew curtains because they want to help.

Saturday, January 12

Nutrition: Moderate carbs, moderate calories. Snacky. I did cave and make a micro-cake at breakfast, though I managed to resist at supper.

8a-2 fried eggs, sausage/cabbage, micro cake, c reg, almond milk latte, supps
1030a-2sl protein bread
12p-2 hour treadmill walk/run
245p-salad w/ balsamic & pepitas, fried egg w/ 2sl GF toast, fudge bar, supps
645p-half rack ribs, 1/4c squash, 1/4c roasted squash seeds, 2c peppermint tea w/ 2T coconut milk, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 11 hours in bed, 830p-730a. Two chunks in sleep app: 830p-448a at 100%, then til 730a at 21% (but that felt better, there was one full sleep cycle). I had set the alarm for 5a, thinking I would get up and run, but I was still so dog tired that I decided sleep was more important. Clearly, with ELEVEN hours in bed, it was! And post-run, I napped another two hours, 330-530p. Daaaamn!

Body: Initially on getting up, I thought I should take another rest day, hit the tax firm today and run tomorrow, even did hair and makeup. But after breakfast I was feeling much better and decided I wanted to spend the day at home, use the treadmill later, and use the brain tomorrow.

A 10-mile treadmill run would have been tortuous, so instead I decided to log the time equivalent (1.5 hours) using the pre-programmed workouts in my treadmill (varying speeds/inclines). However, they were too easy (lot of walking) so I went for two hours: two medium, two hard. On the last one, I actually bumped up the speed several times because I still felt so good. Probably could have been doing that from the start, but I was focused on lasting the whole time. I debated going longer running straight out, but played conservative to avoid angering the body. Tough to find the balance of marathon training/injury recovery/injury avoidance.

While it was nowhere near the 10-mile outdoor run on my training plan, it feels like a win to have the brain make it that freaking long on a treadmill (thank you, Sklarbro Country!) and still feel good physically.

Stretches x3 (930a, 215p, 8p). Pull-ups after each treadmill workout, 5x4.

Brain: Quite good after all that sleep. Lots on the to-do list today (make food for the entire week, clean the entire house, treadmill, pay bills) but none of them meant leaving the house, which was so incredibly appealing, I can't even tell you. Also, I didn't clean the entire house...hardly any of it...ask me if I care. The workout felt good, the nap was great, the hubster made me ribs for supper, can't ask for much more than that!

Food prep: protein-y fake bread, 6 salads, slow-cooker rotisserie chicken, breakfast sausage - all set for the week.

Grateful: For a flexible crew at job #3, who doesn't care WHEN I come in, so long as I come in.

Friday, January 11

Nutrition: Supposed to be a low-carb, low-calorie rest day. Too hard when this damn tired.

4a-2 eggs, sausage/cabbage, c reg, supps
430a-c reg w/ T coconut milk
6a-c reg
630a-c reg w/ T coconut milk
9a-can tuna, 2oz almonds
930a-foam roller/tennis ball session
1045a-oz almonds
2p-bag Cholula jerky, 2c decaf w/ SF syrup
3p-coconut flakes & Sunbutter, bottle DA&W
630p-salad w/ balsamic, sausage & cabbage, cole slaw, peppers & salsa, candied squash, 2c decaf w T coconut milk, supps
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed, 830p-345a, 80% quality. Got up about half hour in (coughing fit, weirdly), and dozing in/out in the last hour until I was just plain wide awake & got up. Feeling it. Damn.

Kind of feels like digestion wakes me up. Weird.

Body: Bottoms of feet are sore, so I wore boots & sat all day. Incredible tiredness & frustration sent me down for a foam roller & tennis ball session - discovered upper back is a bit tight, upper glutes very tender.

Stretches @730p.

Brain: Feeling quite tired, approaching burn-out, don't want to be here, don't want to do any of my work, want to nap, very low energy. Upset at busting my hump all week without the accomplishment of actually closing December...or feeling like it's going to slow down any time soon.

Overly-tired proof: cried in front of my lead. Who is considering promoting me to leadership? Yeah, that's awesome.

Worrying about running tomorrow when it's supposed to be stupidly, dangerously icy. If I felt better today, I would have run this afternoon...but I didn't even want to do pull-ups today, too GD tired.

Grateful: For the ability to work from home at two of my three jobs, which I did this morning.

Thursday, January 10

Nutrition: Moderate-carb, moderate-calorie day to support deadlifts. Hungry on the way home, and snacky when I got there. Managed, somehow.

5a-2 fried eggs, c sausage/cabbage, 2 sl GF bread, c reg
530a-c reg w/ T coconut milk
7a-2c reg w/ SF syrup, supps
8a-Americano w/ SF syrup
930a-coconut flakes & Sunbutter
1130a-personal training
1p-can tuna w/ 2T mustard on 2 sl GF toast, oz almonds, can DP, supps
6p-salad w/ pepitas & balsamic, sausage & cabbage, sl toast w/ .5T coconut oil & sprinkle cinnamon, 3c Sleepytime tea, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: In bed 8 hours, 9p-5a, 73% quality. Wide awake at 330a, up for bathroom, could NOT fall back, dozed a bit but mostly just laid there wishing I could sleep. Thought about getting up to work, maybe heading into NSS even, but decided resting would be more beneficial even if it wasn't sleep.

Body: Good! Session flet good, though deadlifts just didn't work. Weird. Happily, it's not really bothering me. Priorities, perspective, etc.

Stretches x2 (8a, 5p). Pulls in session, 2x9.

Brain: Yesterday's post was titled "Monday, January 9" until 915a today. Every single day since 1/2 has felt like a Monday!! Today: no different. Steady all-day battle with technology to accomplish something that SHOULD have worked with just a few clicks. Blargh.

Grateful: For devoted, hard-working coworkers. Without them, my job would be far more frustrating.

Wednesday, January 9

Nutrition: Low-carb, low-calorie day. Accomplished by skipping breakfast and having no snacks readily available. Was hungry, though.

5a-c reg
615a-c reg w/ SF syrup, supps
715a-Americano w/ SF syrup
830a-3 Reese's Pieces, 2c decaf
930a-coconut flakes & Sunbutter, can DP
12p-2.31m run & OH presses
1p-can tuna, 1.5oz almonds, .5s coconut flakes, 2c black tea, supps
630p-salad w/ balsamic & pepitas, bag pork jerky, cabbage & pork sausage taste-testing, supps
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a, 89% quality. Didn't feel like it was that great (I think it missed my steady tossing/turning from about 4a onward) but I do feel good today.

Body: Damn good! Did I really do heavy squats yesterday? Can't tell! I also ate 2025 calories yesterday - that just may help with recovery. Maybe? I dunno, it's a pretty untested theory at this point, I'll get back to ya...

At lunch I ran 20 minutes and it went okay. Pace was 8:40 and that was kind of a push to manage. Stashed Garmin in pocket & listened to a podcast in order to zone out and stop thinking, but there were definitely a few moments where I thought how nice it would be to walk.

And now I'll convert that to what I would say about the run if I were smarter & wiser: 
Today's lunch run went GREAT! Chose a short-ish loop so I pushed the pace a bit, came out to 20 minutes. Physically it felt pretty good, no specific issues. There were definitely times when I thought how nice it would feel to walk, but I ran the whole thing and had an 8:40 pace and had NO PAIN!
Interesting how a little perspective shift changes things, eh?

Stretches x3 (645a, 1230p, 745p). Pull-ups 4x4, /4. OH Press 4x5 (1 minute rest) after post-run stretching, just for S&G.

Sat at desk 2-5pm. (Dig that, I left at 5pm!!) Being conscious that long work hours = extra standing = extra physical stress, and I don't need any extra, thankyouverymuch.

Brain: Started the day off by backing out of the garage, straight into the yard, and getting stuck like a chump! No husband home. Sent an email to cancel class, put on snowpants & boots, grabbed the shovel, and got myself out. Victory! Ended up getting here 10 minutes late; Craig was my only attendee, content to stick with the elliptical for the day, so I knocked out my pull-ups - then to the dredges of year-end close.

When technology issues got the best of me YET AGAIN I pulled out the stool and sat, because what I really wanted to do was go stuff my face with Wednesday cookies. Spent a couple hours thinking "I don't want to be a damned lead, I want to work somewhere else, I want to win the Powerball!" & the like. So GD frustrated. Didn't get it resolved, but did not let frustration go too wild. Left feeling good yet.

Grateful: For podcasts, and for Dustin who got me hooked on 'em. Larry Miller is back, and the sound of his voice nearly made me cry. Like reuniting with an old friend.

Tuesday, January 8

Nutrition: High-carb, high-cal day. Thanks to waking up super duper early, I had time to make pancakes. Yum!

430a-pancakes topped w/ protein powder & SF syrup, c reg
5a-c reg w/ 2T coconut milk
6a-.5oz almonds, 2c reg, supps
7a-2c reg
9a-coconut flakes & Sunbutter, 1/4c fruit, can DP
12p-personal training
130p-can tuna w/ T mustard on 2 sl GF toast, med banana, med apple, supps
7p-4oz shrimp w/ 2T salsa, salad w/ pepitas & balsamic, 2oz nuts, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 7 hours in bed, 9p-4a, 82% quality. Wide awake around 330a & couldn't fall back. Started thinking about breakfast, then work, and then it was all over.

Body: Glutes/hips a bit tight this morning, left especially. Low back bugging a bit by mid-day, but improved with movement in session - which felt excellent.

Stretches x2 (130p, 745p). Chin-ups in session 8, 8, 6 - disappointing. But happy I can say that!

Brain: Surprisingly good. Upbeat. Until computer software ate shit mid-afternoon and tech support (offsite, not our people) gave me a useless "answer" and went home for the day. GD, do I wish that were an option for me!

Grateful: For my shorter commute.

Monday, January 7

Nutrition: Low-carb, moderate-calorie day. Way too much caffeine ingested, thanks to interview anxiety - luckily, all in the AM, and I made sure to suck down a lot of pure water.

5a-fried egg, 1.5 sl bacon, 2 sl GF toast, c reg, supps
6a-almond milk latte w/ SF syrup
7a-2c reg
8a-Americano w/ SF syrup
9a-coconut flakes & Sunbutter, Americano w/ SF syrup
1130a-yoga & pullups
12p-can tuna, oz almonds, supps
130p-2c herbal tea
3p-2c green tea (medium caffeine)
5p-oz almonds
715p-salad w/ balsamic, 3oz shrimp w/ salsa, oz almonds/hazelnuts, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 915p-5a, 85% quality. Wide awake at 4a, fell back, was having some intense dream I wanted to get back to...and I remember nothing about it! Woken by alarm, which I did NOT like, but felt okay once I got up & moving.

Body: Feeling good today, even getting out of bed. Bit of low back tightness first off, that's it. Did not teach class, no attendees, so less early-AM movement.

Stretches x2 (8a, 1215p). Also played with tennis ball at desk to mix up standing posture. Pull-ups 3x4,/3 after yoga. Too easy, probably could have nailed 4s.

Brain: Interview day. Eep! I think it went well, and one of the folks in the interview even told me so...however, she's so sweet she would probably tell everyone that!

Year-end close tasks colliding all at once. Luckily, I had predicted exactly that, which helps a bit. Still, today I wish I were hourly...arrived at 630a, left at 640p. Ick.

Grateful: For coconut oil. Added to coffee or tea, it's bomb dig.

Sunday, January 6

Nutrition: Anxiety eating at breakfast (long run). Very thirsty all afternoon, felt dehydrated & depleted.

5a-candied squash egg white omelet w/ sl bacon, 2c reg w/ 2T coconut milk, supps
6a-pancakes & 2T coconut manna, c reg
7a-c reg
9a-6.84m run/walk
11a-fried egg w/ sl bacon & T mustard on 2 sl GF toast, 2T coconut manna, 5 walnuts, c decaf w/ T coconut milk, supps
215p-4oz chicken carnitas, coconut milk fudge bar, c decaf w/ T coconut milk
3p-can DP
530p-ton of refrigerator pickles, 1/4c kraut, few almonds & hazelnuts, 2 sl GF French toast w/ SF syrup, supps
Throughout day-3.5 quarts water

Sleep: In bed 6.25 hours, 1030p-445a, 75% quality. Wish I could have slept longer; tried, but was wide awake. Tired. Napped 2.5 hours post-run, 1115a-145p. Still tired afterward.

Body: Felt fine to start with. But run did not go energy, no desire, too much the end I was walking every other telephone-pole gap...and then, just as the cherry on top, at the very end my knee started to hurt. I can't tell you the thoughts that went through my head for solutions, from quit lifting, to lose 20 lbs, to just give up long runs. I slotted that all away as crazy talk. Mostly.

I have realized I'm not too enthused about running Boston. I mean, I am super awed at the idea of ZOMG Boston, but at the idea of training all winter...I don't want to. It's tough to find the motivation to grind through when I just plain do not want to be out there running. In light of that, I decided I definitely need to join the Saturday morning running group to avoid being alone (when it feels hard I start to resent the timing of Boston and want to just back out, give up, quit; the mental talk gets awful), or in the country (starts to feel ungodly far when there's nothing but long quiet stretches in front of me).

Knee felt very IT-band, right under the knee cap. Sat in hot tub ~20 minutes when I got home, then napped.

Felt very depleted after I got up. I may need to eat more carbs...less than 80g average for the week...that's pretty damn low for endurance work, especially extra ambitious endurance work.

Stretches x3 (7a, 230p, 8p).

Acne: Cyst developing on my chin. Already. Whelp, at least I don't have to use willpower to resist the cost & calories of the Quest bars.

Brain: Pretty awful state after the run. Great timing: spent couple hours of afternoon preparing for tomorrow morning's interview.

Grateful: For my husband. Before the run, he told me I just needed to believe in myself. When I returned from the run quiet and scowling all afternoon, he gave me my space. Smart.

Saturday, January 5

Nutrition: Started out solid, moderate carbs/cals, but was really craving fat in PM. Not sure why. Indulged.

545a-2 fried eggs, 4oz chicken carnitas, crockpot apple, c reg w/ T coconut milk, supps
630a-c reg w T coconut milk & SF syrup
730a-2c reg w/ SF syrup
9a-2c reg w/ SF syrup
10a-Quest bar, bottle DCP
1p-bag pork jerky, 2 crockpot apples
4p-can DP
530p-spaghetti squash w/ carnitas chicken topped w/ tomato sauce, oz nuts (forgot supps)
745p-oz nuts w/ coconut butter, c senna tea w/ coconut oil
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Sleep: In bed 8 hours, 9p-5a, 94% quality. Woke at 1a, took a bit to fall back (snoring husband), bit otherwise solid. Woke naturally about 430, dozed til 5. No more NyQuil, dang.

Body: Wow are my feet tight when I first get up! Low back a bit tight thanks to deadlifts but nothing bad. Digestion shut down. Why? Rest day in prep for tomorrow's run

Stretches x1 (9a).

Acne: Testing a Quest bar today, which has this on the label: "Protein Blend (Whey Protein Isolate, Milk Protein Isolate)" [yes, all of those unnecessary caps]. I have already established that whey protein is okay. I am annoyed by the generic "milk protein" term because that means either casein or whey, and how do I know which it is? I am going to assume it is casein, which is more likely to be an allergen for folks, therefore I do expect to react.

Which, in retrospect, is terrible timing! That puts the potential reaction, which is a hard slap to my self esteem, on Monday, probably, which is the day of the lead interview. Shit. At least it was tasty; I chose coconut cashew, natch. But honestly: I'd rather get my protein dose from some pork carnitas!

Brain: Pretty good. As I neared NSS this morning, I saw a ton of runners gathering at 7am, some to start, some just finishing - would have been fun to join them!

Grateful: For the hot tub that we never would have even THOUGHT of buying, but came with the new house. So far, the Saturday night hot tub parties have freaking ruled.

Friday, January 4

Nutrition: Moderate carbs/calories again due to lifting/cold. Feeling quite snacky in AM, for some reason. Some annoying reason! Legit hunger in afternoon around 3p, blaming deadlifts. Rather than eat, I took my shot of B vitamins & sat down for a while. Still hungry at 430p, so I asked myself: am I just snacky or am I actually hungry enough to eat a can of tuna? I ate supper early. Had to force down the water today, not sure why.

545a-2 fried eggs, 4oz chicken carnitas, half crockpot apple, c reg w/ T coconut milk, supps
630a-almond milk latte w/ SF syrup
715a-Americano w/ SF syrup
1115a-personal training
1245p-salad w/ balsamic, can tuna, oz almonds, can DCC, supps
230p-2c decaf black vanilla tea w/ T coconut oil
430p-can tuna, oz almonds, supps
7p-c peach tea
Throughout day-2 quarts water

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 845p-530a, 77% quality. Hop had to get up at 2am to work (ugh) so I woke then, and I woke naturally about 445a & dozed in/out until I gave up. Feel okay, though.

Body: Slight weirdness in shin first thing this morning, but it went away. Cold still has my head half full, maybe a bit better but still a little mentally foggy now & then. Back a little tiny bit annoyed post-session, but sitting helped.

Stretches x2 (745a, end of session).

Brain: Good! 100 days to Boston...yikes! Better get runnin'.

BUSY. I averaged 9.5-hour days this week. That's fine when I get to bail at noon on Friday...but I did not. 615pm, yay me.

Gratitude: For job security, Sabrina. Job security.

Thursday, January 3

6a-2 fried eggs, 4 sl bacon, c kraut, c reg w/ T coconut milk, supps
7a-c reg w/ T coconut milk
8a-Americano w/ SF syrup
930a-coconut flakes w/ Sunbutter, 2c half-caff w/ T coconut oil
11a-1/4 sample of crockpot apples*
12p-personal training
130p-salad w/ balsamic, can tuna, 1 crockpot apple, supps
315p-2c decaf black vanilla tea
645p-salad w/ balsamic, 4oz chicken carnitas, 1 crockpot apple, c Sleepytime tea, supps
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water
Moderate carbs, moderate calories. 

*This was a team treat. Are they spoiled, or what? I organized 30 days of deliciousness to help us survive year-end. Each team member is signing up to bring in a treat one day, plus we'll use the company treats Mon/Wed, and thus we will have daily treats all the way through the audit! I'm a freaking genius. (Shortcut on the recipe: I didn't stuff the apples, just sliced into slow cooker & spread toppings across the pile. YOU wanna core & stuff apples at 630am??)

Sleep: 9 hours in bed, 830p-530a, 99% quality. Yeah, baby! Again 2 NyQuil. Solid except for 2a bathroom visit.

Body: Still have the cold but it's still at the "full head" stage. Digestion is working thanks to the senna tea. Actually wondering if perhaps the NyQuil affects digestion?

Steve's advice was basically to keep doing what I'm doing, limit exertion, sleep every chance I get, eat more if needed, drink tons of water. I upped my tea intake but I can definitely add more water. I did also tell Dustin to take it easy on me. (But not until after my squats and chins and bench!) Worst part of the cold was the ears that wouldn't pop when breathing hard at NSS. Not bad!

Steve also said to let the house get messy, let the dishes mold, just if I needed to be told that!! First standard that I lower when I'm sick (or stressed or busy) is cleanliness. I don't eat off the damn floor, how clean does it need to be?!

Stretches x2 (in session, 8pm).

Brain: I'm doing well. Busy work day, though not insane yet. Had a sweet moment today when the CFO realized that MY formula was a better estimate than HIS formula. Yeah!

Gratitude: Despite the amount of complaining I'm likely to do in the next week, I really do love my job. All of my jobs. I would never work as much or as hard as I do for a bunch of jerks. But for genuinely good, also hard-working, smart, grateful people? I'll work my ass off, happily.

Wednesday, January 2

6a-Larabar, 2c reg w/ 2T coconut milk, supps
630a-taught class (warmup only)
730a-Americano w/ SF syrup
830a-2c decaf
930a-coconut flakes & Sunbutter
12p-.5oz almonds
1215p- yoga w/ Heather
115p-salad w/ balsamic, 4oz chicken carnitas, .5oz almonds, supps
230p-c senna tea
430p-oz almonds
630p-s turkey pepperoni w/ guac, 4oz chicken carnitas, oz mixed nuts, 2c Sleepytime tea, supps
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water
Low-carb day, moderate-calorie day; rest day, felt fine & in control except around the nuts. Hungry & chilly at 1130a, fasting-style. Hm.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 845p-445a, 65% quality. Felt better than that, though. 2 Nyquil knocked me out quickly! Little tired & spacy by noon. Took daily shot of B complex before going to yoga.

Body: Feels pretty good! Digestion still sluggish, making me feel giant, but unlike my norm, I am ignoring the belly and focusing on my glutes. They look great today!

Cold is still hanging 'round my head, about the same as yesterday. Emailed Steve what I've been doing & asked whether he had any advice. Yoga felt wonderful, exactly what I needed.

Stretches x2 (645a, 115p).

Brain: Day one of year-end close. Wasn't bad but that's because so much of what I do has to wait for three days in. So, Friday through Wednesday: stay back!

Was thinking on this morning's commute that my lifting focus during Boston training could potentially be upper body. Focus on chins/pulls, bench press, perhaps add overhead press - and then just aim to maintain lower body strength while increasing running. Chiefly discussion required!

I'm committed to two habits for January: 1, daily cuppa tea; 2, share a daily dose of gratitude here on each post. January is my most stressful month, so adding a calming tea time plus a daily meditation on something wonderful in my life are certain to help. Bonus if they can happen together.

Grateful: For my friend Joy. It's her birthday tomorrow, and I want her to read this and know that I think she's brilliant, talented, strong, wise, beautiful, kind, and simply amazing. Her friendship has been a wonderful gift for which I am deeply grateful. She has been an unbeatable resource on my food restrictions, turned me into a tea geek, shares my iron addiction, and regularly inspires me to be a better me. I wish for each of you to have such an incredible person in your life.

Tuesday, January 1

7a-2 fried eggs, 4 sl bacon, 2 sl cashew bread, 2c reg w/ 2T coconut milk
845a-2c reg w/ 2T coconut milk & SF syrup, supps
930a-3.78m run
145p-salad w/ pepitas & vinegar, spaghetti squash w/ turkey pepperoni & tomato paste, .5oz mixed nuts
245-c eggnoggin' tea, supps
430p-25min tromp through the snow
530p-2s pork stew, .5c fridge pickles, oz nuts, c lemon tea, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water
Moderate-carb day, only after the run. Again calories went a bit high, due to the cold. At what point do I return to a deficit?

Sleep: 9.75 (!) hours in bed, 9p-645a, 100% (!) quality. Awake last half hour or so, trying to fall back for a little bit more, but active kitties prevented it. I felt rested, but got up annoyed at the cats, and with a headache, and angry that my head was still full. Went back to bed for a nap, 2.5 hours, 11a-130p, one solid sleep cycle.

Body: Good other than the head cold. On run, lungs hurt going up Victoria so I cut it to the half route. Rest of body was all right. Hit hot tub for 50 minutes when I got home, which made me super sleepy, so I took a nap. Felt rather tired & depleted the rest of the day. No energy for anything. I even watched TV for the first time in weeks.

Brain: Decent. Wish the run had gone better, and worried it was a foolish outing that will drag out the cold too long.

Grateful: For my new house. On my tromp I discovered the back half of our 7 acres is chock full of deer tracks. Love it.