Tuesday, December 31

Nutrition: No problem at all. Even used the macaroon tin to prop open my pantry door for pull-ups, and wasn't interested in eating any. Woot!

Acne: Reacting again, I'm blaming the restaurant outing Saturday morning. Surely a small-town diner's grill is coated with soybean oil. Le sigh. Happily, Northwoods is safe, as is Trav's, so Joy & I can go celebrate her birthday this weekend with crispity hashbrowns!

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 9p-530a, 91% quality. Woke just past midnight, again at 3a, 4a, and then dozed in/out until 530a, but got up feeling rested.

Healthy Movement: Body felt great until I logged 5 pull-ups in the AM, at which time my upper back yelled at me. Logged another 5x2 at 1030a (break time!), and they felt a little better then.Logged another 5x2 at home in PM, and again the upper body said "STOP THIS." So I did. Finished the year at 100 pulls per week plus a bonus 35 for my age. 5235!

Logged an afternoon run while Pepe got new tires, pushing me to my goal of 750 miles for the year.

Fun & Play: Chatting with a coworker. Chatting with three of my favorite buds, including plans & gift-ordering for Amy's baby shower in January (the timing of which also helps cheer me up about the NSS Xmas party). Super busy work day, a taste of the next two months.

Grateful: Initially this mileage graph made me sad, but then I grabbed pace to remind myself the higher fall miles were mainly trails, plus hills/sprints with Holea. As my goal is now road running, I'm doing fine. Also, compare all the way back to last December, and I'm doing 7x better!

Monday, December 30

Nutrition: Did a little anxiety-eating in the morning (coconut butter) regarding 15 pull-ups. Why do I put such pressure on myself?! But then: I saw that Dustin ordered a few sets of rings this AM. One of the sets is for ME at HOME. So since I'm already gearing up for my next level of bad-assery (muscle-ups! on rings!), that suddenly made the 15 pulls seem more like a foregone conclusion. A little confidence from the Chief, suddenly I'm all cool smooth jazz. I also managed to NOT celebrate session PRs (or Bacon Day) with food, WOW! (ETA: okay, I did have an 8pm macaroon, but it wasn't even that good. Stupid sugar dragon, your death has made everything bleah.)

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 830p-515a, 94% quality. Not quite that good, but close. Took a while to fall asleep (at least 9p), woke when Hop got up with Lexi but fell back quickly, then woke on my own thinking it was probably time to get up - and it was only 130a. (So what damn time did that dog go out?!) Fell back easily, but then woke at 3a, 4a, 5a. Still, got up feeling fairly rested. A before-bed bath surely helped, I rolled into bed feeling like a baby sloth.

Healthy Movement: Right shin hurts a bit today on steps, so maybe it was there yesterday but since I didn't hit any steps thus didn't notice? Other than the stairs, I didn't notice it rest of today. Glutes oddly are a touch sore. Too much sitting on 'em yesterday? Session was bomb dig. Got my 15 pulls (barely) plus a total-rep PR plus crossed 5200, got big plates on my squats (first time in ages), nailed 120 bench for the second time plus tried a second rep (pinned), and just plain had fun every second! Could only have improved by having my Buddy there with me.

Fun & Play: Elfing a cookie delivery in the AM. Rings ordered! Super busy and productive work morning. Good morale among the team.

Nice chats with a couple beloved pals, including Terri who finally took my advice to create a Vision-type file and collected all kinds of nice notes and messages and pictures and whatnot into one place and was filled chock-full of warm fuzzies and only wishes she had done it sooner. So...what are YOU waiting for? Same Terri also received the Caribou coffee I sent her, a delicious taste of her home state to ease her homesickness.

Delightful session plus bonus chatting with NSS peeps and my session partner (also a coworker, runner, & analyst - we're made to be pals!).

And Holea said I've inspired her to try doing 15 of something every day in 2014, she just hasn't figured out what. I told her: squats. And then she should also multiply the weights for a total iron squatted number. It's gotta be like half a million, right?

Man, I'm just pleased as punch at this day!

Grateful: For a much-improved forecast; the New Year's Day run is going to be above zero, not -12F!

Sunday, December 29

Nutrition: Easy peasy all day, then snacky in eve. Bah.

Sleep: 9.25 hours in bed, 930p-645a, 95% quality. Up at 430a to a whining Hank, back to bed, shot up at 645a to what sounded like a puking Hank, but luckily wasn't. Stayed up, felt pretty rested.

Healthy Movement: Total rest day. Want to log pull-ups, but have my session tomorrow and hoping to nab my 15 straight. Could run, but on my training schedule, there would be no Sunday running, even on deload weekend. I am putting a much larger focus on running recovery than I usually do, so hopefully this is the key to an injury-free winter. Spent a couple hours on my feet shopping w Emma, otherwise laziness. Oh, and one pull-up as I was in & out of the pantry and couldn't resist.

Fun & Play: Paying bills and seeing how far we've come. Took the $55 in gift cards I received for Xmas and essentially applied that toward my Relay fundraising (since no one took me up on my offer to donate directly...sadly). Really fun lunch & shopping excursion w Emma and visit with her fam - her little sister is no longer shy & timid with me, she demanded that I never leave. Cute!

Grateful: For godchildren. Such fun!

Saturday, December 28

Nutrition: Bit much today, due to pistachios, delicious pistachios! On the other hand, I didn't eat from 1-8p and wasn't hungry in the slightest. Weird.

Acne: Had egg yolks at breakfast, at a restaurant, not planned, but I'm not going to a small-town divey diner and getting egg whites, not when they can make me perfect basted eggs with my slab of ham! Thus I am still delaying my GF toast testing. Have had some small reactions this week, nothing major, but want to start with a clean slate.

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 9p-445a, 67% quality. Up at 10p (had not fallen asleep), up again just before 2a (dogs), took a while to fall back. If not for nice temps & ROUS group breakfast, I might have slept in. Laid down for a nap 10a-1p, took until 11a (at least) to fall asleep. Helped.

Healthy Movement: Body feeling good. 6.4m run was as good as I can ask for, and shin is improving. I nearly didn't nap, because I felt so good, but I want to start my long-run routine whether I need it or not. Thought of today as a deload day so that I didn't add any more miles or push past body happiness, despite feeling capable of a lot more, both mentally & physically. Went snow-shoeing in the afternoon, but the awkwardness bothered my IT band a wee bit, so I kept that short. Stood in 1"-heeled boots for a few hours in eve.

Fun & Play: Group run in Xmas get-ups, followed by group breakfast (bought by our chief ROUSer!). Laziness at home. Snowshoe outing to enjoy the beautiful temps. Date with Holea to hang with [part of] the NSS crew to celebrate CJ's wife, which was really lovely. Surprisingly fine mentally as they heatedly discussed who has the best pizza in Alex, or how "impossible" it is to avoid grains & dairy (um...), but did get a little sad when they discussed the upcoming staff party, to which I am not invited. Understandably so, but really it just sounds like such FUN hanging with them all, that I wish I could be a part of it even if I paid for my share. On the other hand, I am a fuddy duddy who doesn't drink and gets cranky tired by 10p, so maybe I wouldn't be that fun for THEM.

Grateful: For outdoor plans on a lovely day.

Friday, December 27

Nutrition: Easy peasy. Looked back at my calories since going back to Whole30 and eliminating sugar: 1967 on average, with the effort of making sure I'm not low at day's end, but otherwise not really thinking about quantity. And guess what: I'm dropping fat. Even at 1967 freaking calories! Nothing drastic, but: happy.

Sleep: 10.25 hours in bed, 830p-645a, 83% quality. Took at least a half hour to fall asleep, hubs got home at 9p, but I never heard him come to bed. However, at 1245a I was up with both dogs, for at least 15 minutes. Lexi disappeared for quite a while, came back in with a bone. More specifically: a hoof. Gah-ROSS. Took ages to fall back, but solid once I did. Apparently Hop got up with the pooches at 445a, but happily, I didn't hear a thing. Alarm woke me.

Healthy Movement: Feeling right shin a little bit; it seems to be coming through when I lift my toes. Hm. Upper body a bit tight (hi, dips!) but all else feels pretty great. Logged me a training session of OH press & muscle-up stuffs. LOVE guydudebro day!

Fun & Play: Arranged Christmas outings with my two older goddaughters (the baby got clothes...cute, but a little boring!) so I have a BUNCH of delightful social plans in the next week! Afternoon at NSS that was actually quite busy and bonus fun. Laziness at home in prep for tomorrow's run. 

Grateful: That I can sleep in as late as I need to, and roll into work after 8am. This is a problem for me leaving when I want to, but otherwise no one else is really impacted. At least for now.

Thursday, December 26

Nutrition: Leftover bacon-wrapped water chestnuts for breakfast. That's normal, right? Feel kinda gross, like I need never eat again. Digestive system had its ups & downs and I was really craving my supper salad. Felt fairly normal by then.

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 1015p-645a, 82% quality. Fuck that, it was MUCH WORSE. Got to bed late due to holiday. Took ages to fall asleep, was still awake when Hop got up to let out Lexi at only 11p. Everyone in the house was up at 2a when both dogs went out, and the hubs did not cope well: tried to leave them both outside, but Lexi barked; let her back in, but Hank whined & scratched. At that point I took over: let Hank in and made him lay down, went back to bed for maybe two minutes because he started his quiet-bark, so I got back up, lights on, a bark collar on Hank, putting him to bed on the couch just to get him to stay away from the bed. That worked, finally, but it took at least an hour to fall back, and I slept until my alarm woke me. Could've used a couple more hours, for sure.

Healthy Movement: Body feels good, only the vaguest pain in right shin. Raised my work monitor about two inches to see if that fixes my posture - I constantly find myself slouching and want to make it automatic to stand taller. Good session with CJ (Dustin sick, apparently) but I was a little disappointed with the numbers. Because I didn't set any PRs today, poooor me! (Dumb. Regained perspective when writing it up.) Utter fatigue hit me about 2p...wanted to go home to bed, but I made it. Shin a little worse by day's end.

Fun & Play: Almost no one at work. A session with CJ, who is a delight. Not that Dustin isn't! Just appreciated the bonus time with CJ. Quiet eve at home, kitty on my lap, snoring dogs on the floor (that I woke up regularly, the punks).

Grateful: For my pets. Even when they are jerks, I lurve them.

Wednesday, December 25

Nutrition: Purposely no-carb breakfast, gearing up for holiday eating. Which was appropriately overly-indulgent, but I was smart enough to leave the pumpkin pie with my dad, knowing I would have devoured it within, at most, 2 days, which would've left me hating myself.

Sleep: 10.5 hours in bed, 9p-730a, 85% quality. Up at 3 to let Lexi out, hot bathroom and water, didn't eat. Felt fine but laid awake for over an hour. Restful, mostly calm brain, but could not sleep. Up at 615 to let Hank out, so tired I went back to bed. Up at 730 because I couldn't sleep through Hop getting up with the whiners and hearing them eat. This has got to stop!!

Healthy Movement: Body feels good an weather is warm, but had too much to do for a morning run to be possible. Dashed out for a 2.5m run after lunch, while the rest of the fam played dominoes. It was tough going, unplowed gravel, but felt decent, considering. Afterward, logged my most thorough stretching session in ages & iced all aspects of the lower leg. Right glute/ham insertion a bit tight rest of day.

Fun & Play: Playful pooches. Hop played fetch and they really wear themselves out when they lose a ball on the snow, fun to watch! Enjoyed seeing FB feed full of happy kiddos. Delightful family visits.

Grateful: For the most amazingest cat tower EVAH, built by my papa:

Tuesday, December 24

Nutrition: Some addictive coconut butter delivered by my UPS man. Delicious and: yikes. Don't take it to the couch with a spoon, Sabrina. 

Sleep: 10.5 hours in bed, 915p-745a, 89% quality. Up at 145a to let out Lexi (which was apparently her second time up!), took a while to fall back, but that was all mental, body was calm. Woke at 7a and tried to fall back, just dozed until husband left and I gave up...right when it got quiet again, naturally. Regardless, got up feeling really good.

Healthy Movement: Body is feeling great other than shins. Logged 2 miles with my new Kahtoolas - great grip! Shins hurt even after that short outing, though - ugh. Iced afterward, stayed good & lazy the rest of the day. Started feeling yesterday's squats about 6/7p, pretty much right on cue. 

Fun & Play: Sleeping in like a boss. Left a bonus gift for the UPS man - peppermint bark that I had bought for Dustin before remembering he hates minty food - so he will continue tolerating my drop box and overly-friendly doggies. Snugly Clyde in my lap as I type this. Made pumpkin pie for my papa. Cleaned-out closet. Great amount of laziness. Catching up on TV shows. 

Grateful: For a good mental place. I went through all my clothes to cull out all the small stuff, and didn't even feel fat, which is amazing for this brain. A Christmas miracle!

Monday, December 23

Nutrition: Easy. But starting to see some acne creep in: whey, or the mixed nuts? Le sigh. Going to keep the nuts, nix the whey, give it a few days.

Sleep: 9.25 hours in bed, 845p-6a, 97% quality. Lies, damned lies! Dogs were both up at 130a (with the hubs, I just woke too late to be the instigator) and I had to get up for bathroom, water, few mixed nuts. Took AGES to fall back, busy brain. My sleep graph shows me being up 1-3a; how does that lend to a 97% quality, even at that much quantity? That's bad math. And on top of that, it's missing me waking up at 4a, too. GD, I am tired of these animals getting up in the middle of the night.

Healthy Movement: Shins improved. Still there. Lower body much improved from last week, but in session, squats were still a bit on the "meh" end of the spectrum. Upper body is sah-mashing, though! SO CLOSE to 15 pulls. You will be mine, one-five. Oh yes, you WILL be mine.

Building up some confidence. 17 weeks to Boston. Next week is 1+ week, and then I think I may need to lay on Dustin to ease off the lower body, not just press forward and "see what happens" then back off if/when things hit a wall. Be all adult and prioritize and shit. Luckily, upper body can continue marching on, which makes me very happy.

Fun & Play: Friday mode on a Monday! Ran into a runner coworker pal & commisserated over the sadness that is winter running. Also, she told me she can't make bacon without thinking of me. (Squee!) Decent work day, though under-productive with Friday-mode. Received gift card to Elden's from my peeps; happy they didn't try to go with a restaurant. Fantastic session, including seeing little Super Girl Alana. Reassurance from Dustin that I'm not being a brat about the gift exchange. Stuck around for a bit to sleuth out a billing issue for Holea, little bonus dose of NSS. Nice eve at home, chatty husband, and SO HAPPY to be looking forward to two days of sleeping in.

Grateful: For my direct reports. They're good peeps.

Sunday, December 22

Nutrition: Easy. Surprisingly went from 9a to 3p without even thinking about food. What?

Food prep: Homemade pork breakfast sausage (as I made breakfast). Whole bunch of yams baked. Stovetop pork carnitas. 6 salads. Winning!

Sleep: Redonk 11 hours in bed, 10p-9a, 90% quality. Up at 3a for Hank, took ages to fall back. Woke regularly 6a, 7a, 8a, as pets and husband were up and noisy. I felt like I could have slept longer if only I could be assured it would be solid, but I gave up. Figured I could nap later on, but never felt the need.

Healthy Movement: Ankles & lower legs very achey, glutes a bit sore yet. Rest day for lifting tomorrow plus two straight running days Tues/Wed. Aches are better than last week, not quite flinching, but close. Cue winter-running anxiety.

Fun & Play: Sleeping in. Enough productivity to go ahead and slack off for a good chunk of the day: a perfect balance. Packaging Xmas gifts and realizing I've got it just right this year - makes me happy.

Grateful: For a no-shoes day. A great prediction of a good day is whether or not I had to put on shoes, and today I did not. The farthest I went was the basement, in slippers. Winning!

Saturday, December 21

Nutrition: Feeling like a person who enjoys food again, after landing some jerky snacks.

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 930p-5a, 71% quality. Totally accurate; Hop came home at 2a, I got up for bathroom, water, walnuts, but could not fall back for nothing. Cats wild. Dogs noisy. Husband snoring. Brain racing. There was one point where I shoved both cats off the bed and quietly yelled "Fuck you all!" But I still got up to run, hooray ROUS! Post-post-run-bath, I went back to bed to nap, 1030a-1230p; nothing solid, but it was relaxing.

Healthy Movement: Glutes & hams still very sore, but legs were overall better than last Saturday. Tired but body was basically fine. Latched onto Dan for the 7m run, and did a fair job of mentally zoning out. Shins ached sharply to start, better by the end. Skipped YakTrax. Stayed more evenly-footed with such low traffic, even though we went right up & down Broadway. After getting home I iced the right shin while eating breakfast, then I took a long, relaxing bath, courtesy of goodies from my Buddy: tasty tea, yummy epsom salt, a candle, and no time limit. I also shaved off some serious calluses; think this upkeep may be more important than I've been doing. Logged pull-ups throughout the day, 7 sets of 6. Let the swinging happen and just tried to observe my natural kip motions to think about how they'd translate to a muscle-up. Shins ached quite a bit late eve, near wincing level on stairs; felt all-over creaky after a few hour of sitting.

Fun & Play: Morning run. Relaxation. Nap. Beautiful nature. Dogs bouncing around in the snow. Laughing at myself getting stuck in the driveway yet again to kick off Winter. Shopping, again buying myself a bunch of stuff (book, workout gear, snacks). Donated to a pal's fundraising cause. Family Xmas in eve, followed with a WalMart trip to complete all shopping. 

Grateful: That my patient husband now has a pickup, so he can tow me out of snow banks, even when said snow banks are in my own driveway.

Friday, December 20

Nutrition: Figured out an easy way to hit enough calories: overeat walnuts! Oops. I also bought some protein (whey) powder tonight, will start to add that regularly.

Sleep: 9 hours in bed, 9p-6a, 95% quality. FINALLY. Hop got up with dogs at 330a, and I woke then but was able to fall back after a bit. Most solid sleep of the week, got up feeling pretty darn human for once. Post-workout I marveled at how good I felt. Normal energy is amazing!

Healthy Movement: Very sore glutes. Thanks a lot, walking lunges. Back is feeling better today (don't think I mentioned its occasional anger yesterday afternoon). Wearing 1" heeled boots but sitting more than usual for meetings/NSS work. Logged a great OH press deload workout; incorporated BB cleans for the first time in (years?) and gave myself some hickeys:


Fun & Play: Saw two deer on our first tree line at 6a, clearly lit by the bright moon and white snow. (Unfortunately, I think they are the reason my critters have been so insane this week. And winter only begins tomorrow...yikes.) Got text messages of thanks from my most-spoiled NSS peeps. Morning visit & perfect gift from my Buddy. Gift delivery to my lead. Gift receipt from my lead (which made me think I was probably overly generous to my peeps, as I spent more than twice what she did). Ordered some fun stuff for myself from Amazon. Sent the perfect gifty to a homesick friend, but unfortunately it will probably be two weeks before she gets it. Got to play with my "goddogter" Mitzi at NSS for a bit. Received an amazing gift from NSS, one that makes me feel overwhelmed & unworthy. So spoiled, so lucky, so grateful. Unfortunately I also have to exchange it (which Dustin expected, he just wanted me to have something to open), and that makes me feel like a bit of an asshole. Trying to put that aside (Dustin expected it!).

Grateful: For my peeps. They are so absolutely completely & entirely amazing. I don't know what I've done to deserve them.

Thursday, December 19

Nutrition: Bleah. I'm ready to eat pills. So fucking deprived that nothing is appealing anymore. (Please note that by "eat pills" I do NOT mean I'm ready to overdose or anything, I mean I'm tired of eating. It's just too much work.)

Sleep: 9 hours in bed, 830p-530a, 84% quality. SO MUCH WORSE than that. Woke constantly: 11p, 1a, 2a, 4a, 5a...gave up and got up at 530a. Tired. As. Shit. I can't tell you how tempted I was to invest in some Diet Pepsi in the afternoon. Resisted.

Healthy Movement: Body is feeling pretty darn junky - lack of sleep, I assume. Shins slightly better than last night, still very much there. Session was a bit disappointing for pulls, but dips are still going up! Then I came back to my spreadsheet to discover that it was still a total-rep PR on the blast straps. I also reached 5017 YTD pulls, so I'm resetting my goal to 5200 (100 per week).

Fun & Play: Session with Lisa, plus Mary who smoked her bench and made my deadlift PR look like a freaking warm-up. Impressive! Eve Xmas party for TS was nice. Snuck into NSS to leave gifts overnight like a little elf. Love doing that.

Grateful: For the ability to purchase my MIL's pickup. She gets some proceeds she can surely use, Hop gets his precious pickup, and she'll be able to borrow it as needed for camping very easily.

Read This: Wellfesto


Strength equals self-sufficiency. Being strong – particularly as a woman – is empowering. It will feel good someday to be able to carry your own luggage down the stairs if the airport escalator is broken, and it will be important to have a solid shot at outrunning a stranger should you meet one a dark alley.
Exercise is a lifestyle, not an event. Being an active person isn’t about taking a class three times a week at the gym. It’s about things like biking to the grocery store and parking your car in the back of the lot and walking instead of taking a cab and catching up with friends on a hiking trail instead of a bar stool.
Nature rules. And if you’re able to hike/run/bike/swim/ski/snowshoe, you can see more of it.

Exactly. And this knowledge should be sent every direction. Parents, friends, coworkers - this info doesn't just help young girls. It helps every woman everyone.


Wednesday, December 18

Nutrition: Still mostly not interested in food, though had legit hunger pangs at 1030a. Was snacky in eve, scrounging for something besides fruit until I gave in, realizing I was only at about 1650 calories. I'm starting to understand why people go for protein shakes...easy cals, and you don't even have to be hungry, just hork it down. Hm.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a, 88% quality. Woke at 2a, 3a, 4a...yuck. Downright exhausted by 7p.

Healthy Movement: Body decent but for shins. Did class warm-up (skipped jacks/flings) and also the suitcase carry & plank finisher so Bob wasn't lonely. Left work early to log 5 miles that felt pretty awful. Warmth caused sloppy mushy roads, shin hurts, glute hurts, brain hurts. Post-run, was very chilled, actually put on hat when I got home and changed. Iced shin and got colder. Hat stayed on. Kind of a miserable night. 

Fun & Play: Gift delivery to my elves and to a couple pals who were delighted. Yay! Nice convo with my lead's lead that despite others' feedback, I'm doing great, don't take it personally, says more about them than me, yadda yadda. Still, it made me teary because I am so full of self-doubt. (Hate that.) Thinking about it nearly made me cry on my run. (Hate that more.) Team outing to the Italian restaurant was fun after all. Sweet deals at company garage sale. Bonus gift to Joy. Finished my gifts for NSS peeps. Work silliness making the CFO a new "wallet":

Fancy, eh?

Grateful: For good people.

Tuesday, December 17

Nutrition: Bleah to eating. Team outing tomorrow to a fancy Italian place...whose menu looks like shit for a poor sap like me. Depressing.

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 9p-530a, 80% quality. Took ages to fall asleep (dogs gallavanting around), woke constantly (cats?), wide awake at 330a and surprised that it wasn't time to get up, but took ages to fall back because cats were gallavanting around. What the fuck, pets?!

Healthy Movement: Shin is still almost flinch-worthy, right hip is aching. Dustin told me to ice it. Now why didn't I think of that?? Session was solid, though I dropped back to "only" 13 pulls and was bummed. (Yes, I'm dumb.) Gained perspective as the day went on. Resetting my pull-up goal to 5200. Why not? Iced right shin in eve like a good student.

Fun & Play: Productive morning meeting. Good session. Productive afternoon meeting. Fun times assembling Xmas gifts for my favorites.

Grateful: That I can afford better gifts this year, after scratching everyone off the list last year, with all the affording-new-house / without-selling-old-house panic.

Monday, December 16

Nutrition: Not hungry today; couldn't finish lunch, ate supper late because I just wasn't interested, and then was bummed to realize I needed to find more calories. This is weird.

Sleep: 9.25 hours in bed, 845p-6a, 90% quality. Felt worse. Took ages to fall asleep (cats), up at 230a to let out Lexi, hit bathroom, water, macaroon for myself, then settled back in bed...and then Hank needed out. Jerk. Woke at 4a, 5a, finally conceded that I had to get up at 6a. Felt like I could have logged about 3 more hours. Got up and moved slowly.

Healthy Movement: Shins still sore, still right worse than left, but able to take stairs without wincing. Back to not-running on consecutive days. Even though at least half of those "26.2 miles in 7 days" were actually walking, apparently that's not enough recovery for this stupid body. I wonder how much of that is aggravated by me standing all day every day. Yet sitting will give me back problems. Hello, Rock, meet Hard Place.

Logged a utility run to/from Raaper's for gift-card buying. Shins hurt and I hate the slippery snowy roads and I want my GD trails back, but the running itself felt good. Right hip gave some aching in the afternoon, 2-3 hours later. More sitting than usual today, 1.5 hours in AM, 3 hours in PM. By supper, right shin/calf was back to making me flinch. What the EFF.

Fun & Play: Productive meetings.

Grateful: For a source of non-addictive calorie-dense fat: Sunbutter with no sugar added. Yummy in one spoonful, but not sweet enough to make me want more than that. Moderation, what?

Sunday, December 15

Nutrition: Hangry in AM. Then not at all hungry, feeling gross & fat most of the day. Force-fed calories and specifically veggies.

Sleep: Terrible. 9 hours in bed, 1030p-730a, 68% quality. Woke often, wide awake at 430a, but still very tired. Cranky. Napped once we got home, 2 hours, 11a-1p, but not well at all. Still tired but less crank.

Healthy Movement: Tight calves. Very painful right inner shin, still making me wince on stairs, both up & down. Did 5 sets of 5 pull-ups at home, and that was it. Felt wimpy & lazy. Conceding the loss of reaching my goal of 800 miles.

Fun & Play: Reading. Peace and quiet. Making presents.

Grateful: For my quiet home.

Saturday, December 14

Nutrition: Packed along a ton of food for the weekend, including an experiment mixing banana chips, macadamia nuts, and cinnamon (GDBD). Big ol' slab of prime rib at supper made up for sadness from lunch when everyone ate giant burgers and perfect fries and worse (husband: pork brisket, topped with bacon, BBQ sauce, & cole slaw, with grilled cheese sandwiches as the bread...f'real!).

Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed, 915p-430a, 83% quality. Felt much worse. Woke constantly, and seriously debated skipping the run, but decent once I got up & moving. 

Healthy Movement: Right inner shin still aches. Run didn't feel good, and I wasn't mentally tough enough to push the full distance, chopped off about 15-20 minutes. Hams dead tired. Calves nearly cramped up on the drive home, never had that before. 

Shins ACHE on insides, right one badly enough to make me wince on stairs. There will be a zero day en la maƱana.

Fun & Play: Family outing to veterans' cemetery and to hotel. Water park was more viewing than joining because I am a fuddy duddy (auto correct said "fussy sudsy" which may be the polar opposite of me!) who doesn't like swimming, but the kids (and big kids) had a blast. 

Grateful: For dog-loving friends.

Friday, December 13

Nutrition: Mm, more ham for breakfast, plus a yam, feeling like a brand new world! Had to add calories in the eve again. (Again, it's not as delightful as it sounds.)

Sleep: 9 hours in bed, 9p-6a, 92% quality. Went through a spell of tossing & turning, thinking it was my usual 3a or so, but I coughed myself awake (and up for water) at one point, and was shocked to see it was only 1130p. Very weirdly, I felt like I could be up for the day. Woke again at 4a (didn't get up) and again at 6a. Felt I could have fallen back for more, but I heard Hank whine to go out, so up I was. Moved slowly.

Healthy Movement: Body feeling semi-decent. Legs still sore but improved from yesterday. Ran on treadmill, did OH press (quickie version), then ran again to hit 26.2 miles for past 7 days. I like it!

Fun & Play: Friday mode. Great easy workout. NSS afternoon that included a visit from adorable little Mitzi and hanging with some of my favorite peeps. Gift-buying progress made. Supper with Holea that helped bring her up out of a funk.

Stress Management: Mapping out my marathon plan...I have much less time than I thought I had. YIKES.

Grateful: For the Doolittle's Cobb salad. So good that I don't feel at all deprived.

Thursday, December 12

Nutrition: Accomplished some food prep today, making a pound of sausage at breakfast and a half-dozen baked yams in the eve. I also struck gold tonight when the hubs reminded me I had a container of leftover ham untouched. It was on "his shelf" so I had completely spaced it. I promptly devoured some for supper, and it was GDBD (that's "god damned bomb dig," yo).

I also ate a pear with breakfast, grapefruit mid-morning, apple at lunch, and banana "ice cream" at supper. OMG so much fruit, what am I thinking?! I'm thinking healthy calories and carbs after a two-a-day. And let's call it an acne test, too.

Acne: My skin is clear enough (still not clear, but no giant cysts) that I think I'm going to test yeast next week. Yeast, as in my gluten-free bread (toast!) that would make a yolk-less breakfast so much better. And would also serve as a conduit for more snack calories, a la SB&J. And after that, egg yolks. After that, macaroons. After that, cashews. (Can't say I miss almonds so those are not high on the test list.) Of course, I've laid out plans like this before and watched them run amok, so don't quote me.

I've been reading more about the type of allergy test I had done, and apparently they are criticized for providing false positives, or noting a reaction that doesn't actually mean a thing:
IgG molecules mediate interactions of cells with different cellular and humoral mechanisms. IgG antibodies signify exposure to products—not allergy. IgG may actually be a marker for food tolerance, not intolerance, some research suggests.
Well, what the hell? What that tells me: elimination diet is really my only option. Which I've done, several times now, and still have no nice, clear answers. GAH. Here's hoping I can stick to a reintroduction plan.

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 9p-515a, 88% quality. I would have named it 70% quality - woke often 2a onward, probably should've gotten up to eat something but was too effing tired. Also, I the cats were running a marathon obstacle course, starting at about 430a. Jerks.

Healthy Movement: My legs are ridiculously stiff, as if I did a stupid amount of squats on Tuesday. I wonder if the running is hindering that recovery? Or not enough calories? Or not enough carbs? Dustin said he's been seeing this as people get into legit 5/3/1 cycles. Regardless, my complaints made Dustin give me a SUPER light deload on deadlifts in my session. Bah, see if I ever complain again! (Well played, Chief, well played.) Gave myself a teensy blood blister spot, I think from dips. Awesome.

After work, I logged another 30 minutes on the treadmill, still just a run/walk (6/2) to keep it easy. Shins felt better while running than walking. If I log another 1.5 miles tomorrow, that will be 25 miles in 7 days. I think I shall! I'm losing hope that I'll hit my goal of 800 miles in 2013 but I'm going to get pretty damn close if I can just keep on chipping away at it. And at any rate, it helps lay down my base miles for true marathon training, which is right around the corner...gulp.

Fun & Play: Great session, got to practice kipping for the muscle-up. Exciting! Baked cookies with my team for LAHS bake sale this weekend. Good food day. Dose of pooch fun.

Grateful: For helpful friends.

Wednesday, December 11

Nutrition: Consciously shoveling in more calories, such as straight coconut butter at supper. It's actually not as delightful as it sounds. Acne is improving slightly. Yay for clear skin, boo for how to get it.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a, 94% quality. Slept pretty solid; woke at some point or two, but never enough to get up. But alarm woke me: ish.

Healthy Movement: Right inner shin fairly sore. Surprisingly nothing in calves despite yesterday's run being in Vibrams. Short enough, perhaps? Lot of meetings & sitting today, and each time felt rather creaky getting moving. 

Post-work 2.64m run was again bleah: ran 5, walked 2, four times. Makes me feel lame, but it was STILL slippery & awkward, and the right shin loosened up as I went, but it just felt all-over MEH to start and only improved slightly. 

Legs very sore in eve, but like from squats. Which were deload!

Fun & Play: Great class with Bob. Productive meetings in the morning. Plans with Miss Holea. Decent weather tolerance. Husband time, actual conversation! Silly pooches, how did I ever live without them?

Grateful: For the gear that lets me triumph over Ma Nature.

Tuesday, December 10

Nutrition: Didn't eat enough yesterday, just over 1400 calories. Damn. A good problem to have, perhaps, that I'm full, not feeling hungry, but see "Sleep" for why this is a big problem for me.

Sleep: 9 hours in bed, 9p-6a, 82% quality. Took a while to fall asleep, wide awake & up at 1a (bathroom, water, 2 macaroons), and felt like it took a long while to fall back, woke naturally about 545a & honestly felt like I could have slept another hour.

Healthy Movement: Body feels good. Right hip much improved, though still there, as is a bit of right shin ache. I'm debating logging time on the treadmill every day, even if it's a lifting day, and even if it's just walking, to compensate for the many shortened-run days. I don't know. Session was fine, deload week malaise, but I reached 14 pulls - #14 was a bit sketchy, but Dustin didn't see it, so I'm counting it! Treadmill at home was a run/walk combo, but I hit 30 minutes, and every little bit helps.

Fun & Play: TST bake sale = treats for the hubs & for NSS peeps. Session. Some laughs with a coworker. More treats, anonymously delivered. Chatting with the hubs. 

Grateful: For the treadmill that is still working, despite massive neglect and having been purchased (used) about 10 years ago - still going!

Read This: F*ck Feelings


I think I seriously need to learn this.


Monday, December 9

Nutrition: Not hungry. Didn't eat enough.

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 915p-6a, 87% quality. Woke naturally at 5a, dozed until getting up, felt even more solid than 87%. No more Monday classes in December, this is the best way to start off the week, lotsa sleep!

Healthy Movement: Some low-back twinges this AM. Right hip still aches. STUPID TRACK! Nothing lingering from the pull-ups, that's pretty impressive! Ran 20 minutes outside, slow & slippery even with YakTrax; came back in and put on 20 minutes on the treadmill, though only 10 running, becuase I was barefoot. All felt fine.

Fun & Play: Tiny cookie treats to the team. Triumphing over Ma Nature's brutality, for at least 20 minutes.

Stress Management: Today I got into trouble for this comment:

Someone, or maybe many someones (due to the nature of going to Team Relations, one never can know the slightest detail), took this to mean I was legitimately saying that Brian is better than all of the other people he works with, rather than what I meant: that he is incapable of not caring about his job, and chooses to be a good person & continue to do his best regardless of what anyone else does.

And it hurt my feelings that someone seriously went to Team Relations to complain about it. They couldn't say anything to me directly, or ask for clarification, but more importantly, they clearly wanted me to get into trouble. Despite the fact that I've organized treats for the warehouse team many times over the years, I've worked in the warehouse each time they've needed help (in fact I rearranged my schedule last Friday to help), and I spent my own money just last week to anonymously give them treats during this crappy overtime-packed timeframe.

But no matter, my comment is interpreted in the worst possible way, and most likely no one would've noticed except that I'm a lead so I am set apart, I'm different, and I'm suspect. I can't just cheer up a friend without thinking of the fact that I'm a lead; I must be very careful with every word I say.

Honestly, I am truly failing to recognize the benefits of leadership. BEING ME was what got me into my lead position. And then immediately, I need to change and stop being me. Fuck that.

Grateful: That Joy introduced me to this jerky. Everything about this package says SABRINA, EAT ME:

Eat excellent. Be excellent. PORK. High in Protein. Gluten free. There's even a runner in the top right corner!

Sunday, December 8

Nutrition: Shortcuts, but neither hungry nor thinking about it. Nice! Also, I found genuine pork cracklings in Sauk, hooray!

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 1030p-7a, 92% quality. Solid.

Healthy Movement: Some aches: right hip, right shin. Neck/shoulders better than expected. Bit tired in AM, but made myself get moving and felt more energized after that. Ran after doing dad's bookwork, and it was slow & slippery despite YakTrax, did not feel good, did not go long.

Fun & Play: Sweet pets all morning. Chores done. Random text messages to my favorites that produced some fun convos. Extra silly back & forth with Holea regarding (a) me becoming Mitzi's godmother so I can buy her gifts, and when/how we shall have her barkitized, and (b) Holea having Mitzi's vest embroidered with the NSS logo, and me replying she's earned it because Mitz "can plank like nobody's business." SILLY!

Christmas shopping at WalMart that somehow actually got me excited about the holiday - the normal opposite of everyone else, I imagine. I decided on the homemade treats I will be making for my favorite peeps, and enjoyed seeking out the needed components. Also got cute gift bags for the cookies my team & I will be making to donate to the LAHS bake sale next weekend. Ordered the perfect gift for NSS. Thought up a wonderful idea for the parents, low-cost and high-sentiment, will need to recruit help for it but I think it'll be the bestest.

Grateful: For technology.

Saturday, December 7

Nutrition: Thinking strictly in terms of fuel today. Lame, but also good.

Sleep: 7 hours in bed, 945p-445a, 85% quality. Slept solidly and woke naturally, though I wish it had been later. Not sure why I woke, just grateful to see it wasn't 230a when I did. Should've turned in earlier, dunno why I do that!

Healthy Movement: Body feels pretty good, low back is happy; do feel yesterday's leg raises a little, nicely done. Ran on tiny track at YMCA - run 5 minutes, do 2 pull-ups, to stay sane - but knees & hips didn't like all that turning and within 10 minutes I knew 30 should be my limit. Felt like I was running on a serious leftward slant. So I decided to just walk another 90 minutes, and do a single pull-up every single lap. After about 16 (13.5 laps to make a mile) I had to take a clicker to tally them up. Hit 85 total, then logged another 5+5+6 NG pulls at NSS to hit 101 for the day morning. (All dead hang, no less.) Pretty nutso, right? Yes, even I can admit that. They still felt easy, though, what what!! And I won't do any more until Tuesday, plenty of time to recover and get stronger. Afterward: shins a bit sore, feet sore from new shoes, hips giving some slight long-run aches, think I judged perfectly. Except for the pull-up foolishness: neck area started seriously tightening up. Sat on duff for rest of the day.

Fun & Play: Kitty snuggles in the AM. YMCA adventures. Super productive at NSS, the hour FLEW by, though I did pause to absorb some sun in a cat-like fashion...see below. Productive night at home. Snugly kitty. Hot tub.

Grateful: For sunshine.

And empty buildings!

Friday, December 6

Nutrition: I had a macaroon at 2a but otherwise: food is fuel. And I need more of it. Yesterday was roughly 1700 calories, a bit too low. Clocked in today at about 2000, and didn't even feel deprived at a party - never even scanned the table, as I jerky'd it up beforehand and went in planning to not-eat.

Sleep: 10 hours in bed, 845p-645a, 81% quality. FUCK YEAH. I did wake at 2a, up for bathroom, water, macaroon, and took a while to fall back. Slept all the way to alarm waking me, holy crap.

Healthy Movement: Upper body is tight/sore (hi, dips!) but rest is good, even the low back is perfectly happy - deadlifts fix me! Spent two hours assembling in the warehouse, did have some tightness in lower left back return, but I still logged an upper body workout and it didn't worsen.

Fun & Play: Productive morning. Mentoring session. Something different, working in the warehouse. Workout made me feel successful. Xmas party for work leadership was fun, though I showed up late. I figured it was one of those things that didn't start until a half hour in, and I was just plain later than I expected to be thanks to warming up the car. Last one there, oops! It was really fun: we played an Xmas-themed game of Catch Phrase and I kick ASS at that kind of game. But we came in second place. Still great times! At home, pure laziness with the critters.

Grateful: For those who believe in me.

Thursday, December 5

Nutrition: Food prep-as-you-go: made 6 supper salads tonight, ate one. I guess I can accomplish some things during the week after all, but only when absolutely necessary.

Forgot to mention that yesterday Dr H also asked if I wanted to try a 10-day detox to get off the sugar and I told her no fucking way. Again, I know that would put me in the front row on the express train to crazy town. Glad I'm smart enough to recognize those triggers. Also, why would I want to feel like shit for 10 days?

Last night it took until 9p before it occurred to me that I might lose weight if I cut out sugar. I do thoroughly love that fat loss was not my first thought, for once. I was, instead, immediately obsessing about how I will get enough calories to fuel my workouts, but without actually counting the stupid little hatewads. And I still don't have an answer.

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 9p-515a, 78% quality. Woke often 130a onward. Dozed about 415a onward. Got up feeling decent though I was tired all day at work.

Healthy Movement: Low back was still very stiff overnight, flipping was painful, but was good when I got up. Until I had spent an hour standing at my desk, at which point my back was just plain hurting, and I was tired, and my eyes were already glue-y. Dafuq? Gave serious consideration to going home early/sick to nap. Can't tell how much of my lethargy is low calories vs low mental state vs legit fatigue.

Session was excellent; a little disappointing in some ways, but I didn't really have any expectations, so it was lovely. Also, I got to do TGU drills with a real live kettlebell, which felt badass.

Had a nice moment as I listened to a podcaster brag about how tough his mom was: she could do THREE PULL-UPS! Yeah. Wow...that sure puts mine into better persepective.

Sat most of the afternoon; just very tired. Feeling very frustrated at that, why so damn tired lately?

Fun & Play: Hank spent the night on a pillow in the bedroom, right next to Lexi. Sweetness! Session. Coworkers cycling through with their little ones to see Santa. Supper with the hubs. Tolerant kitties.

Stress Management: I wish I could be a bear, crawl into my cave, and see you bitches in April.

I had a light-bulb moment on why I've been struggling to accomplish my daily mentoring journaling: I am unhappy with what I do all day. At work, all I can think about is how I'd rather NOT be working, but at home, all I want to do is sit on my ass and read, delve into someone else's life, ignore mine. That's like a path to depression right there, isn't it?

After I did the above complaining, I sat down with pen & paper and started writing the things I hate about my life. Filled a page (a small page). Then I turned to the next and started writing the things I love about my life. A little harder to do it, but I still filled a page. Then I got up in a better mood.

Working on reviews in the afternoon, I came across something I wrote for my old lead, the one who left a year ago: I wouldn’t love my job half as much as I do if I had a different lead. This is still SO TRUE. I do like my new lead quite a bit, but I also like my new job quite a bit less. And I know that she had a similar effect on everyone else, and four of those poor saps now have ME for a lead, and I feel like I am living up to abbout 10% of her standards. I feel like a failure, and that always does terrible things to my brain.

Grateful: For dogs who curl up on tiny towels despite rugs and pillows everywhere:

Silly Hank!

Wednesday, December 4

Nutrition: Doctor's visit today. Provided a food log for the past two weeks along with an almost-nightly picture of my god-awful ugly-ass depression-creating skin. She thinks I'm eating too much sugar. I have been eating a shit ton of cookies, because they are an easy source of calories, and I do not have many of those.

So pull them out, and watch that fruit intake doesn't boost into a substitute. She asked if I would be okay tallying sugar grams and I almost cried saying no, because that will send me back to obsession town, and fuck that fucking place. She immediately retracted. Instead, just start by ditching the cookies, slay the sugar dragon. And that leaves me back at, essentially, a Whole30. Minus egg yolks or almonds.

This makes me want to cry, why should it be SO MUCH WORK, but I went back and re-read my summary post and okay, fine, it's not THAT bad. If this is the life I have to lead in order to have clear skin, it's worth it. It's also unfair, but as your parents surely told you, life isn't fair.


Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 9p-515a, 97% quality. I slept like a GD rock. I know I woke a couple times, but never got up. Woke naturally at 5a, couldn't fall back.

Healthy Movement: Low back still tight, but improved over yesterday. Started feeling squat legs afternoon onward. Ran on the treadmill at home, and hated it.

Fun & Play: TWO more Alex peeps into Boston, including Jeanne, and I almost freaking cried for her, know exactly how grateful she must be. Hooray! Gave a little RAK gift to a pal, just because. Planted my change in the machines just before second shifters began drifting in. Ordered some treats for some people working massive hours that I plan to give anonymously. Silly Hanky.

Grateful: I guess I'm grateful for a theory. I just wish it was one I liked  better.

Tuesday, December 3

Nutrition: Managed some food prep during breakfast, made sausage & Brussels sprouts for the week. Fetched groceries after work but ran out of gumption to make my salads. I really don't accomplish jack shit during the week.

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 915p-6a, 78% quality. The entire house was up at 230a, when Lexi needed to go out, cats freaked out & chased each other across the bed & out of the room, then Hank came in and jumped up on the bed. And wouldn't budge. I don't need these adventures in the wee hours! I got up and hit the bathroom & went back to bed, couldn't fall back, got back up for water & a cookie, and still took a while to fall back. Slept until the alarm woke me - could've used another hour.

Healthy Movement: Feeling decent. Still the occasional low-back twinge, and it's still tight, but much improved. It stayed tight throughout session, but everything was pretty much awesome there. A little worse in the afternoon.

Fun & Play: Hanky glued to my side all morning - I just love my little shadow buddy, though it meant I was extra sad to drive away and leave him standing in the snow, the very epitome of the term "forlorn." I wish to stay home and build snowforts with him all day...although I'm pretty sure he would destroy anything I built, just as soon as I built it, wouldn't it be a delight to watch him go? Productive work day, some bright spots in month-end close.

Stress Management: Part of the reason I want to stay home with Hanky is because work is getting overwhelming again. I'm not just bombarded with projects, I'm also bombarded with things I have to ignore, and I feel guilty doing so, because people need help, and I want to help, but I just physically can't. And also, I don't like the projects I'm working on. Cue the intense return of of my bookkeeping business dreams.

Grateful: For the bench press. I love that fucking lift.

Monday, December 2

Nutrition: No time + no food prep = cookies for breakfast. That's just good math. Stomach back to normal, but I was surprisingly un-hungry most of the day.

Acne: I don't think I've mentioned it lately, but my skin has been fucking terrible ever since my last doctor visit. I didn't take the soy protein powder more than three times/days, but the vitamin D pills are soy-based, plus a couple of meals out. New cysts daily = depressing.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a, 88% quality. Up at 315a to let Lexi out (and Oscar bolted out, the fool); took a while to fall back, woken by alarm. Felt decent.

Healthy Movement: Shins feel pretty junky, and hams/hips a little decrepit as well. WTF? Did some dead-stop dips during class, 5x4. Easy peasy. Low left back a bit achey. Managed a lunch run but cut it short due to snowy, slippery footing & ice-pelted eyeballs. I need running goggles.

Fun & Play: Great class, especially when I found out neither will attend on Wednesday so I'll get a bonus sleep-in day! Productive work day, even if most of it was stuff I had not planned to be doing. Pretty snow, if a giant pain in the ass. Enjoyed watching Hanky fly around in the snow.

Grateful: For a husband who blows snow without complaint.

Sunday, December 1

Nutrition: Still felt awful all morning. Didn't even have coffee. First & only meal at 3p, but I did find the ability to make some cookies in afternoon. No ability to go shopping for salad veg, so food options for the week aren't too good.

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 915p-6a, 82% quality. Woke constantly. Up at 3a for bathroom and water, fell back easily. Probably could've slept longer, but dogs & hubs were up. I relocated to the couch with my pillows & blanket, and vegged there until 10a, when I returned to bed for a solid 2-hour nap. Lovely.

Healthy Movement: Ugh, not much. Spent most of the day curled up in pain or napping or sitting in a recliner. Depressing, given nice winter weather and able trail-running partners. Did manage 5x4 chins when I started feeling better; guts cramped after the first two sets, but I persevered. 350 to go!

Fun & Play: Pet-bonding time. GF choco-chip cookies that actually turned out pretty darn good. Husband time.

Grateful: For no plans to miss out on by being sick.

Saturday, November 30

Nutrition: Normal morning but felt incredibly awful 1p onward, & didn't eat much of anything. Guts just as angry as they can get without puking.

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 930p-5a, 76% quality. Less than ideal, could've slept another hour easily, but up for run. Napped 3-5p, but it wasn't too restful. 

Healthy Movement: Pretty creaky at start of 6.62m run, but things turned around. Able to push speed halfway through, and finished feeling pretty strong. After that, 100% sitting, at breakfast, then NSS work, then sickbed. 

About 1p I felt horrid. Guts turning, shivering, tired, foggy brain; everything ached and I couldn't even stand upright without pain. Struggled to finish my work, headed home, drank some senna tea & ate a banana, went to bed. Got up feeling just as awful. Guts like hangover guts or too-much-coffee guts but never ending. Food poisoning? Eating sounded good but also terrible. Drank water. Almost puked at smell of Hop's supper. Crackers sounded good but of course not an option. FML.

Hanky boy kept nice and close as I curled up in the bathroom and anticipated vomiting:

My little buddy.
Started to feel better at 9p, though still not normal at all. 

Fun & Play: Great run, great breakfast, great workday at NSS. Left some thankful love notes tucked in drawers to give them all a Monday boost (glad I did it first off while I still felt good, otherwise they wouldn't have happened). Well behaved pets and a silly Hanky sleeping in a box. 

Grateful: That I felt terrible in the second half of the day, not the first. 

Friday, November 29

Nutrition: Brownies & coffee for breakfast, strictly because I wasn't the slightest bit hungry. Felt pretty junky most of the day, guts unhappy, tired, bleah. Ate a real, true meal at supper time, finally feeling a bit normal then.

Sleep: 9 hours in bed, 9p-6a, 80% quality. Took ages to fall asleep, was nearly there when cats got active. Woke once when Hop got up, otherwise was solid right to my alarm. Stupid alarm! Got pretty tired at mid-day, decided to shift my NSS work to Saturday, so that I could go home and nap 3-5p. Solid as a rock.

Healthy Movement: Body feels decent, just tired. Wore new running shoes, exact same as the pair I've been doing my longer runs in, but they made my heels & arches hurt. Hits them in wrong spot for walking or standing, though good when running & up on forefoot. Weird. Logged an OH press session, discovered my left hamstring is tight as hell, though right side is normal. What the? Half a standing work day, rest of the time on my butt. Or back.

Fun & Play: Upper body workout. Dose of Black Friday shopping (online only!). Sweet calm tired pets.

Grateful: For a short holiday season. That WON'T be followed by tax season. Not even sure I can fully comprehend that yet.

Thursday, November 28

Nutrition: Sure am glad my brownies had terrible form. More for me! Otherwise I did okay. Overate, of course, but it was all meat and veg, not fake shit (besides brownies), so I am not beating myself up at all. Forgot lunch supps in all the madness.

Thrilled to eat the messy bits!

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a, 90% quality. Fairly solid though woke hourly from 2a onward. Really tired 10a, snagged a catnap on couch 20 minutes.

Healthy Movement: Low back is TIGHT, rolling over in bed was feeling awful. Upper back a bit sore but mild given the many dips. Better as I moved, but by 8p, after a long busy day, could feel left low back telling me to shut the fuck down.

Fun & Play: Happy families, hot-tubbin' kids, excited dogs, terrified kitties, holiday chaos, wouldn't change a thing.

Grateful: For the house that allowed us to host. It was super fun!

Wednesday, November 27

Nutrition: Ate breakfast before 530a training, then nothing ('cept coffee) afterward, wasn't even hungry or craving. Interesting. Had too much coffee, otherwise a fine day - didn't even have desire for freshly-baked GF brownies, nor did I feel deprived not eating freshly-baked beer bread. What is going on?

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 845p-415a, 79% quality. Slept like a rock until 315a, then dozing. Brain was busy calculating not falling asleep for a full cycle, no available nap time, how early will I need to go to bed tonight so I'm not a bitch tomorrow, etc. Blargh!

Healthy Movement: Still weird zing in right leg, but session was awesome. Massive dip day! Then spent a few excellent hours being lazy, and followed those with about 6 solid hours of cleaning. Ugh. Low back began to bug around 3 or 4, just fatigue, methinks.

Fun & Play: Sesssion. Coffee delivery & visit with my Buddy & her Woody dog, who I've never met before. Could have sat there chatting all day! Pretty darned well-behaved pets during a day of home-upheaval. The smell of fresh beer bread.

Grateful: For Mom's help. House hasn't been this clean since we moved in! Still, I get zero satisfaction from cleaning, can think of a hundred million things I'd rather do. Like pay someone else to clean.

Tuesday, November 26

Nutrition: Breakfast was satisfying this morning...possibly because the Keurig is finally working right after another round of descaling last night. A full cup of coffee = muy importante.

Sleep: 9 hours in bed, 9p-6a, 97% quality. Yes. Sound sleep all night, but woke to Hank whining to get outside - probably could've made it a little bit longer.

Healthy Movement: A little less creaky than yesterday, but still feeling some odd twinges in the right lower leg. Had the gear for an evening run, but had no desire. Cold, dark, meh. Mid-week rest day, what what?

Fun & Play: Team outing to play Bingo - no winnings, but it sure beat working. Essentially a Friday for me, PTO tomorrow and a holiday on Thursday. Nice!

Grateful: For team outings.

Read This: Erik Schimek

You Are Infinite

You are amazing. You can be anything that you choose to be.
You are infinite. Your beliefs define the possibility and potential of your existence. Your actions create powerful ripples that shape the world around you.
You are blue, green, red, mangenta and brown. You are that vaguely orange-ish color found on the side of a old, sun-faded box of Wheaties.
You are wondering what sort of trippy drug I’m on, and a part of you is rationalizing this message away. A part of you is saying that you are NOT infinite, because of blah blah blah. A part of you is thinking, “Erik, dude! Life is hard, I’m doing my best, stop trying to talk like you’re Richard F’ing Simmons or something.”
Our society is structured to keep us tied down by the doubting, rational parts of our brains. The underlying rule of our society is that if you want to eat and have shelter, then you need to get a job and do what you’re told. The rule is that if you want to engage in creative, self-actualizing work then you need to jump through a LOT of hoops like go to college for 10 years, engage in a risky entrepreneurial venture, or resolve yourself to a life of ramen noodles and artistic struggle.
What I’m telling you is, it doesn’t have to be this way.
You don’t need to change society in order to find a creative, joyful and self-actualized vocation. You need to change yourself. And this change begins when you take one small, fearless step forward into the infinite.
Go read it all, and check out his other posts, too. Good stuff all around.

Monday, November 25

Nutrition: Found a good breakfast: homemade pork breakfast sausage, cauli/onion mixture, egg whites. Pretty tasty!

My team birthday treat was almonds. Which I ate without thinking. Hello, those are on the allergy list!! I am dumb.

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 9p-445a, 62% quality. Up at 2a to let a whining Lexi outside, hit bathroom, water, macaroon since I was up. At 445a, Hank was up & whining. UGH.

Healthy Movement: Body is feeling super creaky and nearing outright junky. Shins hurt like a bastard doing jacks in class warm-up, everything felt terribly unconnected when I ran like twenty feet to crank the stereo. Very much happy to have me a lifting day. Session was excellent: bench PR of 110x3. Even better (kinda/sorta) is that they were not even great grooving, pure muscle & fight to get #3 up! Knees felt fat & stiff by the end of the day.

Fun & Play: Great class. Great session. Good team-building break this afternoon with my direct reports.

Grateful: For books. 

Read This: Amanda Trusty


Excellent stuff here for those of you with binge-y tendencies, or anyone else with body-image issues. Which is probably, oh, everyone, right?

She's writing specifically from the viewpoint of someone in the entertainment industry in NYC, which sounds pretty horrible - at least with most of us, what we look like does not actually matter to anyone, above a base level of hygiene.

But there is much to be gleaned from her writing, even if it's only this:

Recovery is a process.

First, start with the ROAR video, then go back to her very first post and work your way through the blog. I'm not even halfway, but I've already cried tears of recognition. Loving it.

Sunday, November 24

Nutrition: Birthday waffles! Second breakfast at Northwoods w/ my besties! Third breakfast of leftover waffles! Mostly fine, though I was a little unable to dial back on the Sunbutter with my afternoon apple.

Food prep: Salads galore, breakfast sausage, onion/cauli mixture, slow-cooker chicken.

Sleep: 7 hours in bed, 1030p-530a, 78% quality. Probably could've slept in later, but Hanky was whining.

Healthy Movement: 3.5m birthday run went well. Didn't feel awesome, but certainly doable. Legs in decent shape for it. Felt a little bit tired & depleted the rest of the day, though that was probably due to sleep.

Fun & Play: A birthday text from my bro & cousin. A good run. A great breakfast. Silly doggies. Tons of reading time.

Grateful: For getting older. Beats the alternative!

Saturday, November 23

Nutrition: Mentally awful. Macaroons before the run. Semi decent afterward, but unsatisfying (hot dog & jerky & banana because I had to leave right for the parents'). Sadface there, had to supply my own veg to have more to eat than just turkey & grapes; then tired and cranky and cashew-addicted afterward. I literally had to throw the away those cashews: trigger food. Sadface as we discussed the Thanksgiving menu. At supper I felt bloated and nasty and didn't eat much. Added a cup of CalMag afterward.

No soy for a while. And no more cashews. My skin is perfectly awful.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 845p-445a, 74% quality. Up at midnight for bathroom, water, macaroon. Got up tired. Tried to nap 315-445p but didn't get much, got up tired. 

Healthy movement: Upper body quite sore and glutes & hams still a little stiff. 6.84m run was tough as hell. Cold wasn't so bad, but it was way too fast for me today. Last two miles felt awful but I was determined to find some mental strength. Legs sore rest of day. On my feet butchering for approx 4 hours. Logged some chins at home, 4x5, and they felt super hard. WTF?

Fun & Play: Run. Family time at the parents', butchering hogs. Time with the hubs. Sweet cuddly pups:

Grateful: For my family. 

Friday, November 22

Nutrition: Very close to "food is fuel" already. Cravings disappearing, but I'm not getting enough calories this way. Had my soy protein. Face is reacting as suspected. Do I stop?

Doolittle's used to be a delightful meal out with the hubs. Now, leaning toward sad:

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 845p-530a, 88% quality. Up at 1a for bathroom, water, macaroon. Woke to dogs. Tired. 

Healthy Movement: Rest day. Aching everywhere, but only upper body is truly stiff. Sat all day (NSS & PTO today) but on feet a couple hours and probably logged a mile during the shopping extravaganza with the hubs. 

Fun & Play: Treated Holea & me to Caribou. Great and very productive morning at NSS. Hanging with the hubs. Supper out was still mostly good. Bunch of birthday books at Target. Silly goat-related messages from my Joy. Happy pups at home. 

Grateful: For the ROUS group that will get my butt out the door into the freeeezing cold tomorrow morning. 

Thursday, November 21

Nutrition: I was so lost at breakfast. And unsatisfied: egg whites w/ turkey pepperoni, topped with salsa. And a macaroon and a few nuts. Lame. I'm trying to morph back into "food is fuel" mode, which is sad-face-making. I was literally thinking, on my drive home, "Why don't we have food-in-a-pill invented yet?" I'm tired of eating and thinking about eating. Tired of it all.

I analyzed the sheet from Dr H that gives me quantities to eat from each food group, and I think I'm going to ignore it. If I literally only had those servings, I'd come in at 1200 calories. And turn into a tired, pathetic pile. So, then I'd have to count calories to make sure that doesn't happen. I'm not going to get obsessed about both what I'm eating and how much and whether I'm getting all the proper food groups. I just can't go back down that road. I can't. I'll eat what I always eat, minus the stuff on the tests, and go from there.

Sleep: 9 hours in bed, 9p-6a, 94% quality. Woke when Hop came home, but fell right back. Up at 3a for bathroom, water, macaroon, and it took a while to fall back. Alarm woke me, and I got up feeling a little on the tired side. Kind of dragging all day.

Healthy Movement: Body is stiff & sore, but not too bad, considering all that I did yesterday. Session went great; felt good, and left feeling happy. Still, I did NOT want to go back to work. Felt a little on the depleted side post-session, but then I didn't feel ideal going in, either. Better after eating.

Fun & Play: Birthday card & gift from Lisa. Delicious tea treat from Joy. Session. Husband at home.

Stress Management: Feeling buried at work. Overwhelmed. I consolidated my to-do list and it's two fucking pages long. Stayed until 6p to get some emails/requests sent off since I'm out tomorrow. Feel like I should be working tomorrow, but determined not to.

Grateful: For my silly bouncy puppy dog.

Wednesday, November 20

Nutrition: Slept too late for breakfast, so jerky & macaroons. Again.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 915p-515a, 68% quality. Felt much better than that; woke when Hop came home, but otherwise it was nice & solid.

Healthy Movement: Class warm-up & a half-dozen scap pull-ups again. Sat most of today, meetings again. Session was awesome. Post-doctor, I had time to kill before sprints w/ Holea, and beautiful weather, so I did a run/walk. Then we did our sprints, which felt good.

Fun & Play: Great class, seeing Travis nail the 5-rep bench that's been dogging him. Long but very productive morning meeting. Session. Sprints w/ Holea.

Stress Management: I did not enjoy the doctor's visit today. Here's the highlights:
  • High cholesterol: no surprise. Prescribed a protein powder has additives specifically meant to target this. Drink it twice per day.
  • Hypoglycemic: eat every 2-3 hours. I used to do this, then got sick of all the effing food prep and planning. I've sort of drifted back to it anyway, lately. (I think it amounts to pure carbs only = a blood sugar crash. So I could either eat more often...or I could avoid eating simple carbs only...but I'm not the doctor.)
  • Low white blood cell count: odd. She is frankly not sure why that would be, could be a variety of things. Something to watch. It's not a sign I'm fighting a sickness, because then it would be the opposite.
  • Low vitamin D: supplement added. Big boost now, cut to half in a month, half after another month, maintain there until spring & the return of sunshine.
  • Allergens:
    • HIGH: clam, flax seed, common ragweed (environmental stuff was tested also - I could've promised her this one!)
    • MODERATE: none
    • LOW: cottage cheese, lactalbumin (a dairy protein), string bean, crab, pinto bean, navy bean, cinnamon, mustard, nutmeg
    • VERY LOW: casein, cheddar, cow's milk, yogurt, egg yolk, almond, kidney bean, oat, sesame, yeast, cantaloupe, parmesan cheese, allspice, basil, black pepper, cayenne, cumin, curry, dill, fennel, ginger, horseradish, oregano, paprika, parsley, peppermint, sage, thyme
    • NONE: goat's milk, most fruit, most vegetables, most meat, buckwheat, corn, gluten, lentil, lima bean, peanut, pecan, rice, rye, soy, sunflower seed, walnut, wheat, cane sugar, chocolate, coffee, cashew, coconut, pistachio, bay leaf, cloves, marjoram, rosemary, vanilla
    • Nothing that would be a severe reaction (like anaphylactic shock). I underlined the surprises. What's up with all those spices?
However, allergens show an immune-system reaction only...but even if my immune system is fine with them, these things could still potentially cause acne. Which is why I walked out unhappy. I feel right back where I've always been: food logs, elimination-diet testing, work work work and obsess obsess obsess. I'm so fucking TIRED of this, I've been doing it for three fucking YEARS.

But I'm doing what I'm told. I will log it all. I will cut out everything with even a very low reaction (only real impacts: egg yolk, almond, yeast, mustard [but those are fucking sad, I LOVE my basted eggs every day!]) and see what happens before adding anything that appears to be acceptable. But I am already adding the soy protein powder: had it after supper, and it left me terrified. If my face goes to shit, it will be the day before my birthday, and I'm going to be so. fucking. depressed. Cross your fingers.

Grateful: For the end of pumping season. FINALLY.

Tuesday, November 19

Nutrition: Shortcuts galore: jerky, macaroons, pork rinds. At least I had two apples, and a salad at lunch, so that's something.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a, 89% quality. Solid, though woke at 330a & dozed there onward. Hanky whined me awake at 5a. Argh.

Healthy Movement: Did 10 scap pull-ups at home in the AM, trying to get some movement in the upper back without risking angry elbows. Otherwise, almost the entire day, 930a-8p, was spent sitting. Yuck!

Fun & Play: Although it will make more work in the end, a day out for training was a nice change of pace. AND, the training itself was pretty GD awesome. We learned a ton.

Grateful: For the team member who figured out the training; he thought outside the box and came up with a fantastic solution.

Monday, November 18

Nutrition: Somewhat okay. I have these date rolls in my desk drawer and they are fantastic. Pure sugar, so obviously too addicting for me to have on hand. Rather snacky at supper time.

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 830p-5a, 89% quality. Not that good - Hank whined to go outside at 3a, and I felt like I was awake the entire time after that, though I got up feeling good.

Healthy Movement: Feeling yesterday's pulls in the elbows, even though it was only 16. What?! Tight spot in upper left back, hard to stretch. Went out on a lunch run once I figured out a simple route that would log me 20 miles in three days...but it only went okay. Running too fast for my lungs again. Shins a bit achey, too...not like they got this summer, but I feel like I need to finish that phrase with a "yet." Hoping that logging this plan of three-consecutive-days mileage, then dialing it back during the week, helps to boost the recovery where it will need to be come January. Shins did ache later, and legs were also dead logs after a flight of stairs.

Fun & Play: Class was fun. Run was only okay, but the sunshine was phenom & walking is still okay, not yet at awful winter temps. Long day at TS (11 hours) but felt VERY productive. I even finished up by not saving a file and STILL was in a good mood. Wow! At home, laziness with the pets.

Grateful: For smart coworkers.

Sunday, November 17

Nutrition: Meh. I ate way too many macaroons, and lunch was jerky. (Where are the veggies?!) However, I did make 7 salads and slow-cooked chicken & veg so I'm set for the week.

Sleep: 10 hours in bed, 845p-645a, 82% quality. Took a while to fall asleep, and felt like I was awake 5a onward, was shocked when I saw 645a. It's weird the % is so low, when my graph shows deep sleep from 10p-3a. Is it "better" to cycle? I disagree; I'd have rated it 95%.

Healthy Movement: Body feeling pretty good. Hams & glutes almost normal, but calves were tight on the walk/run. I went out to it in a shitty mood (hubs) so I walked in an effort to find some peace & quiet in Nature, but instead I just found cold, so I did run after all. Pushed hard when I did, which felt all right, but post-outing, I felt fully depleted.

Logged some pulls throughout the afternoon: 4x4. Lawd, they are so much tougher than NG! Zero swing also made 'em harder, but oof, those are a LONG way from 9 straight.

Fun & Play: Finished my chores early. Podcast-filled day. Dose of nature. Dog park outing including two new pooches and cute/terrorized Mitzi. Time to read with snuggly kitties. Thanksgiving meal planning.

Grateful: For this view:

Saturday, November 16

Nutrition: Long run day, thus fueled by cookies. I'm okay with that.

Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed, 915p-430a, 84% quality. Solid as hell until 4a, then dozing until I gave up. I really should've turned in earlier, though. Logged a 1.5-hour catnap 230-4p.

Healthy Movement: Glutes & hams are even more sore than yesterday. Dustin's gonna have to pull those walking lunges out or something, I don't want this kind of soreness on long run day! 7.9m run was awesome anyway, everything felt really good. I even followed it up with downhills, 7 solid trips down; and all I finished with was sore hams & glutes, and a touch of long-run achiness. Knees, IT bands = perfectly happy, thus so was I!

Fun & Play: ROUS group run, 10 folks, quite a turnout. Three people (Lisa, Holea, CJ) joining me on Victoria, then all of us, plus Joy, hitting Trav's for breakfast. Pet store shopping for Mr Hanky. Snuggly Clyde and all the pets getting along fairly well. Husband home in the eve.

Grateful: For ROUS. The running group is playing a key part in re-solidifying my love of running. It's amazing.

Friday, November 15

Nutrition: Semi-okay. Down to two cookies, from three yesterday, so that's something, right?

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 915p-545a, 89% quality. Sound. Woke at 215a, fell right back, woke to Hanky whining to get outside. A big improvement from earlier this week, at least!

Healthy Movement: I am rather sore from yesterday, feeling as if I did heavy deadlifts...walking lunges? Must be. Also sore upper buddy from dips, happy to feel that. Took a 20-ish-minute walk with Holea & Mitzi to enjoy the sunshine. Did 5 tactical pull-ups to see how they felt: just okay.

Fun & Play: Busy work morning, good convo with one team member, small crew today made things more peaceful. Afternoon at NSS including a visit with The Adorable Mitz and providing a dose of great information to the bosses. Booked an overnight getaway to Brainerd with the Hoppe clan in December. Not too keen on the waterpark concept, but a quiet room of our own ought to make it tolerable.

Grateful: For some spare time at NSS to work on some neat-o reporting.

Thursday, November 14

Nutrition: Solid, other than three cookies this afternoon. Oops.

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 9p-515a, 83% quality. Took a while to fall asleep, but was very solid once I did. Hank (& thus Lexi) got up at 515a, probably disturbed by the sound of hunters, so that was that. And I had morning meetings, so the idea getting a jump on the day kept me from falling back, otherwise I think I might have made it another hour.

Healthy Movement: Body feels awesome; I wish it wasn't deload week. (On the other hand, dumb ass, it's probably the exact reason you feel awesome!) Session with CJ was great fun, enjoyed deloading today. Also got to chat with Ms Holea. Wish I had been out running today, weather was amazing. But fresher legs on Saturday, right?

Fun & Play: Great convo with my lead. Made my team treats to celebrate their close this month. Session. Dentist appointment in Sauk got me an extra little dose of sunshine. Got to see my papa. Well-behaved pets.

Stress Management: My lead = awesome. I am reaching total impatience with a couple people, but she is making me feel better about a crapsticks situation. Still, I am super exasperated and unfortunately was a little bit rude at a team meeting. Not smart; I need to sit with them individually to discuss their attitudes. Such an encounter sounds awful, but it's better than perpetuating the negativity, dragging heels, & bringing everyone else down.

I don't understand why people are so resistant to a challenge. Isn't that the perfect opportunity to step up to the plate and show your value as an employee? I've gone through periods where challenges beat me down, sure, but it's not a lifetime viewpoint. For some people, it completely is; the world is against them in everything they do. Poor little victims incapable of seeing the positive side of anything at all.

Grateful: For my dad's break-in skills. Locked my keys in my car for the Nth time, was in Sauk, and he showed up in like 10 minutes and got me opened up in about 35 seconds. Sah-weet! And I was able to repay him with oatmeal raisin cookies (his fave) from today's fundraiser at work.

Wednesday, November 13

Nutrition: I was surprised that my normal breakfast was perfectly filling, given poor sleep and poor mental attitude and also the available time to overeat...all of which normally means I overeat. Instead, I just had extra coffee and read longer. Rest of the day was fine.

Sleep: 7 hours in bed, 915p-415a, 74% quality. Took ages to fall asleep, thinking about work stress, but was solid until 330a when Lexi woke up and bounced around until I let her outside. And I could not fall back; brain racing and body wired. Gave up and got up to have a leisurely morning, better than stewing about not sleeping.

Healthy Movement: Body feeling good; tiny bit of stiffness in hams. Did warm-up and demonstrated moves in class, felt really good and I REALLY wanted to join in but stayed smart. I was feeling good enough to run at noon, and I desparately wanted to get out in the sunshine, but I decided against it. Based on my tolerance level for people and noise (approximately .5, on a scale of 1 - 100), I instead went outside and laid in the sunshine for 15 minutes, while listening to a good silly podcast. World of difference in my brain! I was going to sprint with Holea in the eve, but my poor tough pal angered her back again, while deadlifting. Total crapsticks. I again took that as an excuse to slack so I had me a full rest day in the middle of the week. What?!

Fun & Play: Class was fun, a different format to shake things up, went well. Found a mention of "Mrs Hoppe" in Lake Wobegon Days this morning...hey, that's me!! Good day at work, a few meetings but pretty productive. Able to use my lead powers to get some people doing shit differently, smartly, which felt good. Stopped & visited Holea to keep her feeling positive about her back, and as a bonus, I got to play a little fetch with Barkley. Fetch with both pooches on a warm night. Indoor training & excitement with both when Hop came home.

Temperance: This morning I made the decision to focus on the good comments and only the good comments.I didn't succeed all day, but I was able to stop thinking about it, at least.

Grateful: That the hubs came home at 7p. Not quite daylight, but for once he wasn't just a shadowy shoulder that showed up in my bed overnight!