Thursday, November 8

245a-1/3 oz almonds
5a-2 fried eggs, c kraut, chicken sausage, c reg w/ 2T coconut milk, supps
745a-Americano w/ SF syrup
830a-2c reg
930a-coconut flakes & Sunbutter
1030a-2c reg w/ stevia
12p-salad (romaine, olives, carrots, tomatoes, cukes, chicken) w/ oil & vinegar, 2c apple cider tea, supps
3p-oz almonds
4p-personal training
545p-ratatouille w/ chicken, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 9p-445a. Wide awake about 2, not hot/sweaty/gross, but wired and couldn't fall back. Got up for bathroom and almonds. Managed to fall back, but woke again about 415/430, still quite tired, but couldn't fall back. UGH.

Body: Pretty decent. Still tight lower legs, still feeling the ankle far more than I want to, but it is a little better. Sat rather than standing at desk all day to help it along (except for last half hour, SICK of sitting) and no rope-skippin' at my session. Iced ankle in eve. Happily, digestion is not being impacted by poor sleep this time. Even happilier, training felt fantastic and went very well! Low back bugged a bit on drive home but felt related to presses not deadlifts.

Brain: Tired physically, and tired of fat loss efforts fucking up my sleep. I can NOT function on crap sleep, this we all know. Discouraged. It feels like my only two options are to be skinny but tired & depressed, or well-rested but fat. Blargh. Emailed Steve for HALP. Unfortunately, Steve had the day off. So I just sucked it up - possible only because by day's end I was in a much better place thanks to the session.

And Dustin, I looked back to 10/23, back squat deload day, and guess who had fucked up sleep that week? Don't touch my heavy squats, boy!

Also, for bonus stress I just plain felt fat today. Belly feels exactly the same. I hate my belly, but I mostly hate that I even care this much.

Acne: Reacting to something again. Mild, but still: I have not eaten anything I didn't prepare myself. Processed: GF bread, macaroons, Larabars, protein powder, almond milk = all things that were fine in the past. Frustration. Maybe the protein powder, it's been a long while since I've had any. Or maybe I can only handle it when calories are higher and stress is lower and I'm getting some damned sleep. I don't know. I hate how much effort this takes.

Quote: Watched the latest NSS transformation, and the ending quote took my breath away. This, despite being inundated with quotes at work all the time...frankly, it's shocking that any quote still hits me hard! But this is a good 'un:
Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it.
The time will pass anyway.
-Earl Nightingale
The time will pass anyway. Very powerful.

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