Friday, November 30

515a-pepperoni & egg white omelet, cc stack, c reg w/ T coconut milk, can DC, supps
7a-c reg
730a-2c reg w/ SF syrup
830a-c reg, can DC
1015a-c reg
12p-c carrots, c potatoes, 3oz chicken w/ olive oil & herbs, supps
1p-c decaf, can DC
245p-c decaf
430p-s sunflower seeds, 2c decaf w/ SF syrup
615p-6oz chicken w RoTel, 3oz pork roast w/ BBQ sauce, micro cake, piece SF candy, 4c coconut tea w/ 2T coconut milk, supps
Throughout day-2 quarts water

Low carb day, although due to lunch it was actually moderate. Grr. Hungry much of the day, but tolerable. Cravings under control. Ate a big supper but was fine making it all about protein.

Sleep: In bed 8 hours, 9p-5a. Took a while to fall asleep, woke a couple times, but mostly solid. Felt fairly rested. No energy for a workout, but it was a rest day anyway.

Got extremely tired & zombie-like at 215p, though that also could have been the low calories, boring topic, sitting all day - take your pick. Seeds were a total necessity by that point, seriously concerned about the drive home. Still super effing tired at home after eating. No energy; went to bed very early. I would have taken a long hot bath but that seemed like far too much work.

Body: Shin is worse, could feel it while walking in AM; it improved slightly throughout the day, but not enough to give me hope. Sadface. Made a Monday appointment with James. Hip flexors are feeling perfectly normal, so there's something.

Happy: Wore snug jeans AND a snug shirt, and didn't hate looking in the mirror. Yay progress! Glutes and legs feel very solid.

10-lb weighted pulls, AM 3x3. PM 3x3. 

Brain: Let down by shin. Bored by tax update class. Excited by potential house buyer, even though he insulted my baby Oscar by calling him fat and ugly. How rude!! Price just went up for you, dude.

So very very tired by the time I got home that I skipped the mini party at Heather's. Felt guilty until I read this in my magazine: There are times when the person you most need to be kind to is yourself. This was one of those times.

Thursday, November 29

445a-3oz pork roast, sl egg bake, squash biscuit, c reg w/ T coconut milk, 2 cc stacks, supps
515a-c reg
615a-cc stack, 2c reg w/ T coconut milk
7a-Americano w/ SF syrup
9a-biscuit, cc stack, 2c decaf
1015a-oz almonds
12p-personal training
115p-chicken sausage, 2 biscuits, cc stack, supps
6p-6oz chicken w/ RoTel, salad w/ vinegar, 2c coconut tea, supps
7p-cc stack, 2c decaf w/ T coconut milk
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water
Moderate carb day. Super snacky at breakfast, justified by poor sleep. That needs to quit! Tomorrow is tax update class so I will be out of my usual eating element. Will use that to my advantage.

Sleep: 6.5 hours in bed, 10p-430a. In late due to supper at Amy's. Woke around 3 or so and dozed in/out until I gave up. Ugh. Feeling okay. Not great, not terrible. Quite tired on drive home, 5p. And kinda stupid, too. Better after supper.

Body: Heel bottoms hurt when I first got up. All else is fine, maybe a bit of all-over fatigue. Don't feel anything in the shin while moving. Sat at desk anyway. Afternoon at NSS, so more sitting.

Session felt great. Strong. Could feel shin a tiny bit in Prowler push, but if I shortened my step somewhat (lifting before full extension) then it didn't hurt.

Brain: Starting to worry again that I have a black/white choice of being a thin non-runner or a fat runner, that dieting means my injuries will never heal. Because while I am beginning to understand the difficulty (or perhaps downright impossibility) of losing fat while marathon training - at this point I'm not even remotely training for a marathon. I'm not running at all. My calories are not that low. Yet 30 seconds of hopping aggravated the shin?! What the eff am I supposed to do? Anyway, I am doing my best to keep my brain from running willy-nilly down this dark alley...but it's hard not to worry.

Wednesday, November 28

445a-spinach & egg white omelet w/ salsa, chicken sausage, chocolate coconut stack, c reg w/ 2T coconut milk, supps
545a-c reg
630a-taught class (warm-up, suitcase carry, farmer's walk)
745a-2c reg
8a-2c half-caff
930a-oz almonds
10a-2c decaf w/ splash coconut creamer
12p-6 slices deli meat, 2T mustard, 5 tomato slices, 10 pickle slices, 2 lettuce leaves (roughly), can DC, 2c reg
130p-oz almonds, supps
4p-.5oz almonds
7p-3 bacon-wrapped pork tenderloin, .25c green beans, c potatoes w/ olive oil (no supps)
Throughout day-3 quarts water
Low carb day, except I didn't skip the potatoes at Amy's.

Sleep: 6.75 hours in bed, 945p-430a. Friends stayed until 9, far too late. Woke at 3, little dose of h/s/g but mild and fell back quickly. Not enough, but feel okay.

Body: Feeling yesterday's squats, backside a little tight in class warm-up; right hip flexor also super tight & weird, felt it in initial squats in class warm-up, but as I moved & fixed form it went away. Slightest tightness in ankle when I tried jumping jacks in class warm-up, so I stopped. Thinking that I may start my weekend mileage test with a walk on Friday at lunch.

10-lb weighted pulls, AM 3, 2, 2. 15-lb during class 1x4, during mobility 1x3.

Logged a quick mobility session at the end of the day, just something to get moving and get my pulls in. Shin was painful on foam roller, much worse than it was Tuesday before session. Ack!

Brain: Excellent. Free lunch with the team, Jill & Joani, for the award we won this year. Then a belated birthday supper at Amy's!

Restaurant victory: I was a smarter food-allergen-having customer today. I called Arrowwood to ask about our menu before we went. Learned it was a salad/sandwich bar - perfect! Except: the three "salads" were pasta & potato salads and cottage cheese. BLARGH. So I ate "sandwiches" made of meat, lettuce, tomato, mustard, & pickle. Yeah, that was awesome. Whatever.

At least I've finally learned not to depend on the server to know what is in stuff (example: Saturday night's Fire Station server told me that the mashed potatoes had nothing in them...but they tasted like instant potatoes that were pre-buttered so I stopped after one tiny bite). Another victory: I am not reacting from that outing! I had scraped off the sauce on my ribs, but didn't avoid all of it. But I also didn't eat the skin of the broasted chicken. Perhaps that is what I reacted to last time? It didn't seem to be breaded, but it could have been lightly coated, and either way it was surely fried in oils that I can't tolerate. I really wanted to eat it, too. Few things are better than hot fried chicken skin!

Eliminated a stress: I was supposed to attend a Relay for Life summit on Saturday that I've been anxious about because it will kill the whole day - and I wasn't able to ditch out on TS to gain a free day because I'm already out Friday for a tax update class. And finally, since we move in three short weeks...I need my weekends free to pack. And pack. And PACK! So I backed out. And tried not to feel guilty, but I did.

List of reasons why the world needs you to be awesome:
1. Being awesome is life changing.
2. Once you level up your awesome, rarely will you return to lower levels of "kinda sorta" awesome. 
3. When people see you being awesome, they feel more inspired & determined to unlock their own awesomeness.  
4. Unicorns will be given to all of the awesome people at some point. Do you REALLY wanna be the only one of your friends NOT flying around on a mythical creature?
Please be awesome.
-Rog Law

Break out the awesomesauce and put on your awesomecape today, folks. I mean, did you see #4?! I need to get my unicorn!

Tuesday, November 27

5a-fried egg, c squash, chicken sausage, c reg w/ 2T coconut milk, supps
6a-chocolate coconut stack, c reg
730a-Americano w/ SF syrup
915a-Uberbar, 2c reg
12p-personal training
130p-6oz chicken w/ RoTel, banana bread cookie, med apple, supps
645p-2s pork roast w/ carmelized bananas, 3 bacon squash biscuits, 3 chocolate coconut stacks, 4c decaf tea, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water
High-carb day. Friends over for supper so all new recipe experiments. Pork was great; biscuits probably great if using sweet potato, squash didn't work very well; stacks are great, not all that sweet though, so probably a disappointment to them.

NCP: Since I didn't really stick to my goals last week (Thanksgiving was semi-okay, but my birthday was way off) my goals are almost exactly the same, only tweak being to average 1800 intake - a weekly average rather than a daily target, per my request, prefer having that bit of leeway for higher/lower days. We also spent a lot of time talking about prioritizing, and blocking off the brain from wasting energy on anything beside the current goal, that kind of stuff.

Basically, if I can keep my head right...I can nail all of this. And I know that, but no matter what I tell myself when I'm feeling good - I still don't know how to pull myself up out of my spirals.

Sleep: In bed 8 hours, 9p-5a. Took a while to fall asleep. Woke at 2a, fell back, woke at 4a, dozed til just before 5a. Feel rested.

Body: Feels great, though have tight hip flexors; left one felt a bit wonky in squats. Also tight shoulders, had a hard time zipping up my dress in AM. Could be the giant muscles from all these pulls, though! On a related note: was going to go with an updo today, but I can't have all those pins stabbing me in the head on bench day. Priorities, people!

Post session, could feel tightness in right ankle. Very mild. Nothing in shin.
10-lb weighted pulls, PM: 3, 2, 2.

Brain: Doing great. Here's a neat but not-at-all surprising thing I noticed last night - after I managed three sets of 3 weighted pulls last night, I felt SO STRONG, confident, downright powerful. It directly translated to a massive confidence boost as I thought about the lead position, packing & moving, managing the new house payment, renting out our place, training for Boston, Saturdays at the tax firm, everything that's colliding exploding on my calendar in the next few months - what was insurmountable a month ago suddenly felt like a challenge I was ready for.

I really require those moments to keep me going, and I can see that a total lack of them is a big part of why last year's tax season was such a drag: running injury developed, lifting had to take a backseat after the powerlifting meet high, I couldn't stick to my fat loss plans - nothing went well, so everything just fell apart. I have to find a way to keep creating these little moments of achievement.

Here's one: I managed a 155 back squat on Sunday in my basement. Not only is that a PR for my less-than-ideal basement setup, I looked back to see that was my squat weight in the powerlifting meet! And I did that with no spotter, because I was still confident I didn't need one - which means I could have attempted even more if I'd had that extra safety. Thank you, Dustin!!

Thinking a lot about the lead position. Not stressing, more thinking about getting my resume updated, talking to Amy about the interview process, pointers, things to work on.

I also took the Myers-Briggs test and came up with INFJ:
Introvert(44%) iNtuitive(12%) Feeling(12%) Judging(89%)

•You have moderate preference of Introversion over Extraversion (44%)
•You have slight preference of Intuition over Sensing (12%)
•You have slight preference of Feeling over Thinking (12%)
•You have strong preference of Judging over Perceiving (89%)

Read the profile of the type, career choices, leadership, all of which really just led me to want to read about Eleanor Roosevelt. Ha!

Monday, November 26

5a-c reg w/ stevia, supps
6a-c reg
630a-taught class (warm-up less jumps, demos of each move)
730a-2c reg
9a-2c reg
10a-coconut flakes & Sunbutter
1p-chicken w/ RoTel, oz almonds (forgot supps)
6p-salad w/ half avocado & vinegar, slice prime rib, supps
7p-samples of chocolate coconut stacks
Throughout day-3 quarts water
Low-carb day. Still feeling the need to make up for the birthday calories (3675!), so no breakfast.

Diet summary post updated.

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 845p-5a. Woke at 4a, kind-of-almost h/s/g. Debated getting up but I had planned to skip breakfast and was still tired, so I flipped over and managed to fall right back. Yay! Alarm woke me, but I felt rested. Obnoxious: I actually had more calories at supper last night than I did on Saturday night. What gives?

Body: Shin is significantly improved. Feel nothing, basically. Tried a few jumps in class (jump squats, jump lunges, hops) which felt fine. Almost pestered Dustin for advice on whether I should go ahead & try a run today, but then I looked at my calendar and realized my next chance to run is the weekend, and I wouldn't GAIN anything by running today, but COULD potentially make it backslide, so I played with weights instead. And I did not call James. If there is any pain this weekend, I'll get in there next week.

Workout felt excellent. Solid. Feet were a little bit fat in afternoon, but could still see tendons.

10-lb weighted pulls: AM 1x4, PM 3x3. (In workout: 15-lb pulls 2x3, chins 2x3.)

Brain: In a good place.

Today we got word that Sandy's position is being posted internally. Part of me thinks, "Could I really truly handle this, and be GOOD at it, and if so, how would I manage the extra stress?" and part of me thinks, "I could learn whatever I need to learn. And the raise would surely be a giant piece of affording the new house!" But still, full of self-doubt, as always. On the bright side, Mary came in and said, "Please tell me you're going to apply." That's a good sign!

Speaking of the new house, I found another $100/month by canceling Accident and Group Critical Illness insurances. Can re-enroll in a year or two when it's affordable again. Or not, may be unnecessary. A sad budget-cutting is potentially Ploughshare. I might be able to swing the summer share, but will have to wait and see. Hop thinks we will plant a garden. A great idea, but will it actually happen?

Sunday, November 25

1a-Larabar, sip coconut milk
2a-turkey w/ mustard, NC
8a-2c reg, supps
9a-heavy singles
1130a-2c reg w/ stevia
1p-c black tea
2p-can Zevia
430p-salad w/ pepitas, turkey, oil and vinegar; 2 venison brats w/ c kraut; 2c coconut tea w/ T coconut milk; Uberbar; supps
6p-2 paleomg banana bread cookies (meh)
Throughout day-2 quarts water

Low-carb day that I made into a half-fast day to make up somewhat for the birthday extravagances. Felt perfectly fine until I got hungry at 4p, so then I ate.

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, but 930p-1a and 245a-8a Up at 1, h/s/g blood sugar crash, ate fat. Could not fall back (monkey mind: how are we going to afford new house?!), so I got back up and ate protein. Responded to 70 birthday posts on FB. May not directly help sleep, but it helped the monkey mind. Woke when Hop's 615a hunting alarm went off, but fell right back and woke naturally at 8.

WTF is up with the mid-night waking? Supper was almost no carbs, not that high in calories, and micro cake was fat/protein based...frustrating.

Body: Shin/ankle quite a bit better. Other than time, the only changes would be higher calories, not having foam-rolled the area since Tuesday, very little standing. Hm. Hams tight. Workout was fantabulous: basement squat PR (I think) and a return to bench press PR. So very glad my body seems to enjoy heavy singles as much as my brain does.

10-lb weighted pulls: AM, 2x3; workout 1x12; afternoon: FOUR straight (goal is 5)!

Brain: Good! Busy productive day.

POTD: Gotta love The Oatmeal.

This is how you should begin each & every day.

Saturday, November 24

Happy birthday to ME!

330a-2 macaroons
6a-2 GF French toast w/ whipped coconut cream and SF syrup, chicken sausage, pumpkin pie, 2c reg, supps
7a-metabolic fun
8a-more pumpkin pie
930a-2c reg w/ 2T coconut milk
12p-Cobb salad w/ oil & vinegar, 3c decaf, supps
1p-Americano w/ SF syrup
4p-blueberry nut clusters, almond/coconut ball, 4 macaroons
7p-3 ribs, 2 pieces chicken, 2 diet pepsis, supps
830p-micro cake
Throughout day-2 quarts water
High-carb day. But also my birthday, so once again it became a high-everything day. Oh well, it only happens once per year, and I'll be back at it tomorrow.

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 930p-545a. Boo: woke at 330a, hot/sweaty/gross blood sugar crash, hit bathroom and drink of water and macaroons, took a while to fall aback. Yay: otherwise it was solid and woke naturally at 545a.

Body: Same, ankle shin annoyed but all else is great. Made workout a quick & "easy" one, since it's sandwiched between a heavy yesterday and a heavy tomorrow. Also because the legs/glutes were a little sore from yesterday's deadlifts. That makes me happy! Also makes me happy - pretty sure the last time I did this workout, about a year ago, I would have been using 10s at most. Straight 20s today. NICE.

Brain: Birthday goodness! Yummy meals, great day with Emma (her Xmas present, plus shopping for a Jingle Bells family), bill-paying (remember, I find that fun!), and time with the hubster.

Happy as this kitty:

Friday, November 23

545a-c reg w/ stevia, supps
630a-c reg
745a-Americano w/ SF syrup, 4 Reese's Pieces
9a-2c reg
12p-heavy singles
130p-coconut flakes w/ Sunbutter, oz almonds, c decaf pumpkin tea
230p-can DC, supps
530p-salad w/ pepitas, oil, vinegar, lemon tart, 2c decaf, supps
7p-raw veg, chicken, sl ham, 3 ribs, half sweet potato
Throughout day-2 quarts water

Low-carb day. Also some AM fasting to help make up for Wed/Thurs overeating* and in anticipation of eve Thanksgiving at the in-laws'. I was freezing effing cold at 4p, but I was also at NSS so I am not sure which to blame...maybe both. Anyway, I did kind of want to eat breakfast, not because I was hungry, just because I love breakfast food. Wasn't too hard to focus on my goals and skip. But by the end of the day I was tired and cold and powerless.

*Surprisingly, my calories did not go all that crazy for the holiday: 2200 Wednesday, 2350 Thursday. Higher than 1800, yes, but not all that wild. So I'm happy to report that I am not beating myself up at all, just trying to prevent all-out goal-derailment.

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 9p-530a, and solid. Yes!!

Body: Other than shin/ankle, feeling damn good. Tried James, offices closed, will call on Monday. If two weeks of rest haven't fixed this thing, something else is wrong. Right?

Lifting felt awesome. Never once thought about being fasted, everything went just as expected, other than I was hoping for a 225# deadlift, and didn't expect the 70# press. Balance!

Really totally shot by the end of the day. Deadlifts?

Brain: A productive work day, fun times with family, no complaints.

Thursday, November 22

530a-fried egg, chicken sausage, c kraut, sl egg bake, c reg w/ T creamer, supps
6a-much sampling: walnuts; bacon-wrapped dates, chestnuts; lemon tart filling; pumpkin pie filling
8a-mini crust-less pumpkin pie
12p-turkey, prime rib, sweet potato, raw veg, pickled veg, cranberries, roasted cauliflower, bacon-wrapped chestnuts and dates, many c reg w/ coconut creamer, supps
6p-turkey, raw veg, lemon tart, pumpkin pie
730p-bit more lemon tart, supps
Throughout day: 2 quarts water

High carb day, though it was also pretty high fat. Didn't restrict anything at all. Oops. But Thanksgiving Day = bestest holiday, and the best food holiday, too! No dieting today meant I truly enjoyed every bit of it.

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 930p-515a. Fairly solid, woke once or twice but didn't need to get up. Nice!

Body: Shin/ankle the same. Think I may be calling James soon, this thing is just not recovering. Workout felt excellent.

Brain: Little tired first off, but after I got busy with the desserts and bacon, things brightened up. Family gathering was great, won often at cards, though not big money. Low key, easy, tasty, fun.

Bucket filled!

Wednesday, November 21

545a-oz walnuts, supps
6a-bag pork jerky, 2c reg
630a-taught class (warm-up w/o jumps only)
730a-Americano w/ SF syrup
930a-coconut flakes & Sunbutter, 4 Reese's Pieces, 2c decaf w/ stevia
1p-6oz chicken w/ RoTel, oz almonds, 1 macaroon, 3 Reese's Pieces, 2c half caff, supps
515p-.5oz walnuts, salad w/ pepitas, half avocado, oil & vinegar, supps
7p-sampled pie crust, tart crust, bacon-wrapped chestnuts & dates
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water
Low carb day.

Sleep: In bed 8.25 hours, 845p-5a. Up at 315a for bathroom, took a long while to fall back, but mostly dozing, not a monkey mind. Did manage to fall soundly back but was rudely woken by the alarm at 5a, ugh. Tired.

Body: Shin/ankle all tight yet, but the sharpness is back down to dull. Started the day feeling rather shot & debated a rest day, but class went so great (everyone smoked their bench press!) that I left feeling pretty jacked and planned to return at noon for some Fun With Weights.

By noon, though? Very tired, lethargic, feeling beat up, not at all interested in a workout...or anything besides a instead I ran errands to get a dose of sunshine.

10-lb weighted pulls, PM: 1x6. Too tired in AM.

Brain: Other than not wanting to be at work today, doing okay. Definitely smart to take a rest day based on the body, but the brain was missing those endorphins big time. By noon I was feeling VERY incredibly "I. Want. A. Nap." Did errands, then sat in car for a while to get more sunshine. Didn't help very much. Once inside, I trudged to fridge to get my lunch, and found a surprise in my drawer:

A birthday gift from my BeloveBuddy Joy.

LOVE that girl! Exactly the boost I needed. Was still tired as crap, but had a better attitude. And coffee helped the tiredness.

Also helped the attitude: deciding to leave early at 4, after I figured out I'd still have 40 hours in this week, though just barely. And that immediately made me feel guilty, which made me angry at myself, because WHY would I feel guilty logging "only" 40 hours - all of which made me even more determined to leave at 4!


Another happy point in the day: I locked in our mortgage rate at 3.25%. Hop's reply exactly sums it up: "Holy shit that's low!"

Tuesday, November 20

5a-fried egg, chicken sausage, c kraut, 2 sl GF toast, c reg w/ almond milk, supps
615a-c reg
930a-coconut flakes w/ Sunbutter, oz almonds, can Zevia
12p-personal training
130p-6oz chicken w/ RoTel, c roasted veg, grapefruit, supps
6p-egg white omelet w/ spinach & salsa, chicken sausage, 2 sl GF toast, 2c decaf w/ 2T coconut creamer, supps
7p-.5oz walnuts
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Moderate carb day, putting both of them on my Dustin days this week. Low carb days will sandwich high-carb Thanksgiving & my birthday...and those carbs I am definitely looking forward to. Thanksgiving: sweet potato, pumpkin pie, lemon tart. Birthday: pumpkin pancakes, sweet potato hash browns, French toast, breakfast for every meal - unless I can get the hubster to fit a meal out into his hunting schedule. Wishing I could go running to earn those carbs, but if not: heavy lifting will suffice. It always does!

Sleep: In bed 8.5 hours, 830p-5a. Up for bathroom at 130a, fell back quickly. Dozing for the last half hour or so, feel rested.

Body: Feeling good but for shin, and right bicep, which has actually been sore for a few days now, but so minor I keep forgetting about it.

Regularly having VERY minor headaches lately, that feel purely like dehydration & go away once I slam a little water (usually AM or PM). But if I bump up beyond 2 quarts, or drink basically any water after supper, I guarantee myself a mid-night bathroom visit. Hm.

Brain: Pretty good! House panic gone, now just least for now!

Ego-boosting quote:
I am kind of using you as my "model" on this because you are a quite small person, like me.
-from Shannon, a teensy tiny little nugget of a woman who could fit in my pocket (in regards to advice about the powerlifting meet, which I can't stop thinking about. Want. To. Go!!)


Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, by far, and always has been. It's all about gathering together with your peeps and enjoying each other. No obligation other than showing up with some food and a nice attitude. I love the pure spirit of thanks and gratitude, with no gift obligation, no worries about meeting others’ expectations, nothing to do but tell your loved ones just how very appreciated they are. What holiday could be better than that?

Well, my birthday, obviously! (Come on, this blog is all about me, folks, don't act shocked.)

So here's a fun observation: Thanksgiving is not a set date, it's simply the fourth Thursday in November, a moving target - but no matter the date, my birthday ALWAYS falls the week of Thanksgiving. This year it's the Saturday after; next year it will be the Sunday before. But always the very same week. (I was born the day after Thanksgiving - I like to claim I was the world's worst case of holiday indigestion!) Oh, and a bonus: you know the "Monday's Child" nursery rhyme? Well, "Friday's child is loving and giving" - that's me!

I like to think about the Thanksgiving/birthday closeness as my constant reminder to display an attitude of gratitude Every. Single. Day. However, like many of us, I often fall short of that ideal. Sometimes very, very short - and especially so for the past couple of years. So going forward, I'm going to make that a higher priority. And at least for today, I'm going to turn all of my usual complaints into positives. Here goes!

-TS stress: Being this busy means I have serious job security, many learning experiences, plenty of growth opportunity, and the chance to prove myself worthy.

-Tax season stress: I am a huge help to DBB and their clients, and that extra money is a big part of what makes my life's luxuries possible (Hi, Dustin!).

-New house stress: Those nice paychecks, as well as my ferocious savings drive & my hard-working husband, are allowing me to buy a dream house. Soon I shall have a basement workout space that'll make the boys & girls drool, a warm garage big enough to make the boys drool even more, a yard my cats can freely roam, no neighbors, and a big ol' huggable pooch!

-Old house stress: Even if it takes a while to sell our place, or we decide to rent it out or sell it C4D to someone who stops paying, it's not going to be the end of the world. I have a pair of incredible parents with both the ability and the desire to help out if something goes bad. (They are obviously the source of my ferocious savings drive.)

-Shin stress: For starters, after hearing about an NSS client who just suffered amputation, I still have this shin, and all of my original body parts. Second, I am sure my body is truly benefitting from this forced running deload. And finally, when I do get to run again, I am sure my brain is going to love every single step I take toward Boston.

-Sleep stress: Every day that goes by, I get more in touch with my body. So many people don't have the slightest idea why they feel like crap every day, while I have the drive and ability to figure out what mine needs, what it loves, what it hates. This knowledge will certainly pay good dividends over the long term; after all, it's the only body I'll ever have.

-Body comp stress: Being fatter than I want to be is a sign that I have more than enough food to eat. That's a luxury much of the world's population cannot claim.

-Volunteer stress: I have the ability and time and heart to help worthy causes.

-Social stress: Juggling so many plans with friends & family means I'm loved. I am surrounded by a multitude of wonderful, amazing people, and I couldn't ask for a better gift. If you're reading this, chances are pretty damned high that you're one of those incredible people, and I feel fortunate beyond all earthly measure to have you in my life. Thank you.


Now, please give me a birthday gift: use this as motivation to do the same with your list of complaints. You'll be amazed when you realize how utterly fantastic your life really is.

Peace and love, my friends.

Monday, November 19

2a-oz pecans
430a-2 fried eggs, chicken sausage, c kraut, sl egg bake, 2c reg, supps
6a-c reg
630a-taught class (warmup w/o jumps, demoed moves)
730a-2c half-caff
930a-coconut flakes & Sunbutter, .5oz almonds, can Zevia
10a-2c decaf
1215p-personal training
145p-6oz chicken w/ RoTel, c roasted veg, supps
6p-salad w/ half avocado, pepitas, oil & vinegar, grapefruit, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water
Moderate carb day. Snacky, blaming poor sleep.

Diet Summary post updated

Sleep: Craptastic. 7.5 hours in bed, 9p-430a. TERRIBLE quality. Woke at 130a, hit bathroom, drink of water, back to bed. Could. Not. Sleep. Got back up at 2a, ate some pecans, stretched some (not helpful, Oscar kept rubbing on me which woke me up even more), took ages to fall back. Was ready to blame Hop, but he got home at 1130p.

What the hell, body? Best night of sleep in two weeks, followed by worst night of sleep in two weeks. Fuck you right straight to hell.

Body: Shin still hurts quite a bit, learned quickly in class when demoing jump moves. Tried both jogging & hopping at NSS which was just the same, pain came on pretty quickly. REALLY quickly given all the damed rest. Cue [figurative] panic and tears and breast-beating and teeth-gnashing.

Session was good - left feeling much more calm.

Weighted pulls, PM: 2x4.

Brain: Spent the morning entrenched in that delightful ol' burn-out feeling...don't want to work...don't want to be awake...even pissed off at the great weather because I can't go run in it.

And then I got word that our house offer was approved. I am both elated and terrified at the same time. Cleaning. Packing. Moving. Selling. PAYING. Ack!

Super accurate portrayal of me all afternoon/eve.

(Stolen from the genius over at

Sunday, November 18

530a-2 fried eggs, chicken sausage, c kraut, slice egg bake*, 2c reg, supps
830a-almond milk latte w/ cinnamon & stevia
10a-fried egg, ~10 slices bacon, many c reg w/ coconut milk
130p-Americano w/ SF syrup
215p-oz pecans
230p-garage fun
6p-pumpkin pancakes** w/ SF syrup, 2c decaf, supps
Throughout day-2 quarts water
Low carb day, which felt fine - thanks to all that yummy, satiating fat!

*Egg bake: Emily Zaler's cinnamon swirl pumpkin loaf "bread" - but it is NOT bread-like. Now that I've fully reconciled myself to that idea, I am thinking of concocting a better version of it using my egg bake template. I'll keep you posted!

**Pumpkin pancakes: low carb, good protein, great fat, reasonable calories, AND really tasty. No really, it's true!

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 930-515, straight through. STRAIGHT THROUGH. Holy crap did that feel great!

However, when I went to bed last night I was in that awful, exhausted, I'm-so-damn-tired-of-everything state and kind of cried myself to sleep. Like a little kid. Or someone with a life that is truly difficult, unlike mine. Gah.

Body: Shin still hurts. Starting to get anxious about it. Not freaking out just yet, but kinda sorta working my way in that direction. Be forewarned, Dustin!

Have Dustin tomorrow due to the best holiday of them all, as well as his well-deserved vacation weekend, so today's workout couldn't be heavy lifting. Can't run. Can't walk. Bike is at mom's (probably collecting dust). Solution: kettlebell fun in the garage, and some carries down the sidewalk. I hope the neighbors were inspired, and also intimidated.

10-lb weighted pulls: AM 3, 2, 3; PM 2x4.

Brain: Fun visiting friends: Heather & Terri at Juliet's, with baby Hailey bonus. Tons of bacon and coffee, how could it not be perfection? After that, the day was all about bill paying, weight lifting, grocery getting, pancake eating, and bath taking. All good.

Also, the hubster should be home sometime tonight in the wee hours. Happy.

Food prep math: 1 chicken + 2 cans RoTel + 24 hours in the slow cooker = 7 meals that could not be any easier!

Remember to eat the skin and joints and bones and get all the natural goodness you can!

Saturday, November 17

7a-2 fried eggs, chicken sausage, c kraut, 2 sl toast, Larabar, almond milk latte w/ stevia, c reg, supps
730a-c reg
1p-salad w/ balsamic, 2 sl ham, 2.5s cinnamon crackers, many c reg, can Zevia
4p-.5oz cashews, 2c reg
6p-3 waffles w/ SF syrup, chicken sausage, micro cake, 2c decaf, supps
Throughout day-2 quarts water
High carb day, and once again I craved fat instead.

Sleep: 9.5 hours in bed, 930p-7a. Whoa! Up at 3 for b/r, drink of water, couple minutes of stretching. Took a while to fall back, but fairly solid once I did. Awesome!!

Body: Shin pain, tight low back, all else good. Stood about 6 hours for butchering; concrete floor, but soft cushy winter boots. Felt fine. No pulls, sore arms again.

Feeling some fat loss. Not visible, but belly fat is looser. Yay!

Brain: Fine. Busy with butchering, family time. Had hoped for a nap, but waiting around to see the new baby was a higher priority!

However, I got insanely tired about 7pm. Bailed on a farewell party in Alex, just no energy for cleaning up or public viewing or staying up past 9pm.

Neghar liked my pork picture on Facebook. I feel special!!

Friday, November 16

530a-fried egg, c kraut, chicken sausage, micro cake, almond milk latte, supps
630a-c reg
730a-Americano w/ SF syrup
930a-pork stew, chicken sausage, .5oz almonds, 2c half-caff
12p-can Zevia
130p-shredded coconut w/ Sunbutter, .5 oz almonds (forgot supps)
630p(restaurant)-8oz sirloin w/ mushrooms & onions, steamed vegetables, salad w/ vinaigrette, 5c decaf
Throughout day-2 quarts water
Low carb day.

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 9p-530a. Up at 2 for bathroom, then back to bed. Not wide awake or monkey-minded, but also did not fall back right away, so I stretched in bed for ~5 minutes. Eventually I fell back, but 430-530a was dozing in/out.

Sleep is still not ideal, but if I look at the sleep ratings in my "recovery" spreadsheet (come on, don't even act like you're surprised this exists), this week it's hitting mostly 3s (out of 4) vs last week's 2s & 1s. So it is improving, and hopefully will keep doing so! A low-key weekend should help as well.

Body: Have finally figured out whether it's my ankle or shin that's hurting: the ankle is tight every morning, but that goes away as I get moving. Upper shin, however, still hurts with movement, but it's improved over yesterday. Low back a bit tight all day, even through workout. Did not sit at desk, just plain didn't wanna.

Workout felt fantastic. Perfect moves/weights to feel nice & heavy, worked out a little aggression at the end, returned to desk feeling strong and happy, like a brand new bean.

10-lb weighted pulls: AM 3, 1, 2, 2; 15-lb in workout, pulls 1x3, chins 1x3.

Brain: Doing my best to stay positive. Fun weekend plans. Naps possible. Slow breakfast meant I saw the sunrise. That was an unexpectedly large boost. Been taking my vitamin D every morning, but perhaps the lack of sunshine, due to a lack of noon running as well as loooong work days, is having an impact on my mental state. (Well, that + work stress + shin pain + loneliness + poor sleep + calorie restriction.)

A thank you to Dustin for asking me more questions when I bitched to him about Instant Messaging. I hate IMs, I find them invasive - I hate the interruption, but I can't ignore it without feeling like a rude jerk. (If you really need a hot response, call. If you don't, email. Fuck this hybrid IM bullshit!) Anyway, I found a way to make my status "Away" permanently. If people don't see green, hopefully they won't bother IMing me; or if they do, they won't expect a quick response and I can ignore it as long as I want without feeling rude. Win!

Thursday, November 15

515a-fried egg, c kraut, chicken sausage, 2 sl GF toast w/ .5t coconut oil & T Sunbutter, almond milk latte, supps
6a-half oz pecans, c reg
715a-Americano w/ SF syrup
930a-coconut flakes w/ Sunbutter, can Zevia
1130a-Larabar, c reg
12p-personal training
130p-chicken sausage, c roasted veg, supps
6p-chicken sausage, salad w/ oil & vinegar & half avocado, c tea, supps
Throughout day-3.5 quarts water
Moderate carb day.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a. Up at 1 for bathroom, fell back quickly. Dozed in/out 4-5a. Feeling okay, but it's starting to catch up to me.

Body: Decent. Ankle/shin still there while walking, but it's improving a tiny bit. Feels like it's taking forever though. How much effing rest does it need?! Yesterday I threw away the Turkey Day 5k flyer. Sadly.

I got a little boost when I emailed Heather's friend Shannon about how she MUST do the powerlifting meet (ha, I first typed "meat" - now there's a competition I want to get in on!!) - and then sad again as I thought about how very much fun it will be, and I can't even be there to spectate or help or anything. Stupid job!

Session was good but I walked out unreasonably upset by the deadlift fail. It was just a form thing, too far forward - had I been back on my heels, I believe I would have wrestled it up. But landing that pull would have been a significant mental boost on a day that I could really really use it.

On the other hand, why can't I celebrate my pullup progress? Or Dustin telling me he's seeing visible fat loss progress? And why can't I see my own visible progress? That cruel voice in my head is such an awful heifer.

Sat at desk all day yet again. I don't like it. But if it helps the shin heal up (Dustin, your lecture to my shin did not help - try again!) then I guess it's worth it.

No pulls, feeling a little sore.

Brain: Decent. Snacky at home in AM, who's the idiot that bought delicious raw pecans? Oh yeah: this girl. In my defense, I was at the Grain Bin, and somehow they were out of almonds. I knew I couldn't resist cashews, so I tried pecans. Have slightly more willpower around these, but not much. Why must nuts be so damned irresistible? And hey, why is your mind in the gutter?

Felt the same eat-eat-eat feelings at 9a due to work stress/frustrations, but just ate my usual snack. Felt it yet again at 1130a along with physical tiredness, so I ate extra and added a caffeine hit, hoping for a deadlift boost! Fail. Which made me want to eat more again, but this time I was out of extra calories.

One of MANY reasons to love Joy: I told her I wanted to eat my fists off today. Her response: "Don't eat your fists dear, they're not very meaty." Best.

Acne: Experienced a small reaction after the weekend (likely: soy in oil on hashbrowns, soy in meat in the omelet) and some more small reactions continuing into this week (likely: soy in sauce on on pork tenderloins; I wiped off all visible sauce, but I suppose the shit gets injected right into the meat too). UGH, I hate my stupid face!

My birthday is just a week away, and I would like to not be hating my face by then, please. So I'm going to be super diligent about eating out this weekend: plain steak & salad at restaurant on Friday night, bringing my own food to my parents' on Saturday, will eat eggs & bacon ONLY at friend's house on Sunday. And I think next week's meals will revolve around plain shrimp and mom-raised chicken. That should keep me safe.


Dang, this entire post makes me sound like a horribly whiny little bitch. Sorry, folks. That was the kind of day I had, though...I told Lisa I think I just need a damn hug. Too bad my husband is in Texas and the cats are too small. I need to borrow a large friendly dog to give a good squeeze to!

Wednesday, November 14

430a-fried egg, beef hot dog, c kraut, GF waffle, almond milk latte w/ stevia, supps
6a-c reg
630a-taught class (warm-up less jumps, plus pulls)
730a-2c reg
9a-Uberbar, grapefruit, chicken sausage, SEVEN (!) Reese's Pieces, 2c decaf
1215p-yoga w/ Heather
1p-chicken sausage, banana, Uberbar, FOUR more Reese's Pieces, can Zevia, supps
2p-c reg w/ stevia
630p-salad w/ vinegar, pork stew, micro cake w/ honey, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water
High carb day.

Sleep: 7 hours in bed, 930p-430a. Up at 115a when Oscar was hacking, but hooray, no vomit! Hit the bathroom, got a drink of water, and fell back easily. Woke around 4 and dozed til 430. Slightly better quality but not enough quantity. Got rather tired about 4pm.

Body: Ankle/shin still hurts, but feels like there may be a small improvement. Left hip hurt too, but more like a tweaked hip flexor, and it went away after class.

10-lb weighted pulls AM 2x;, during class 2x3 (gotta inspire the boys!); PM 3 + 2x3.

Today I put a goal on the board in The Well: 10-lb weighted pulls x5. Nice, eh?

Brain: Fine. Work was super busy which kept me hopping, but was going well. Until Lisa informed me she's out next Wednesday AND Friday. (I thought it was just Friday.) And it's a payroll week. I already feel so totally overwhelmed with my own job-and-a-half for the next four solid months, this was almost too much.

Frustrated that someone else's time off kills my workload (another person out next week has pushed some of my deadlines up), especially when my OWN time off does the same thing - no one does my work when I'm gone, I just get to put in more hours before and after! Short minor freakout of "woe is me the victim" and figurative tears (literal ones would've been good lubrication for my glue-y eyes) but I mostly contained myself.

In fact, at our all-team an hour later, we told the person next to us something we were grateful for. I said "I have a job that I love most of the time, and having so much to do is great job security." And this was to Lisa. Gold star?

Side note: I still felt the urge to EAT during the victim-moment but it wasn't as powerful as it used to be. Rules.

Girly tip: when stressed, wear something that gets a lot of compliments, even if it's something you don't necessarily care for. Today's outfit was very "meh" to me, but I got at least a half-dozen compliments on the dress! This was a nice boost. Must remember this in the future.

Tuesday, November 13

215a-.5T MCT oil
515a-2 fried eggs, beef hot dog, c asparagus, almond milk latte w/ stevia, supps
7a-c reg
730a-2c reg
930a-coconut flakes w/ Sunbutter
1130a-oz almonds
12p-can DC
3p-chicken sausage, oz almonds, supps
715p-salad w/ half avocado & oil & vinegar & slivered almonds, micro cake, .5oz pecans, c herbal tea, supps
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water
(Low carb day)

NCP meeting with Steve: He is having me bump to 1800 calories evenly across the week. 3 low-carb days, 2 moderate, 2 high, but all at 1800. This level is what I did toward the end of September and felt really good at; had good sleep, recovery, everything - even some body comp progress.

For sleep, he is hoping the higher calories will help. Otherwise he said if I am wide awake, rather than grabbing some calories, try this: go stretch out in the living room for 5 minutes or so, keeping the lights off, really sinking into the stretches, “marinate” is the term he used.

Hoping the calorie boost will help the ankle/shin recovery, too.

Body comp is going well, muscles all up, belly fat down a whole inch – yes, I really am a terribly un-objective judge of my own body.

Sleep: In bed 8 hours, 9p-5a. Took a bit to fall asleep. Woke at 215a for b/r, hit of MCT oil, back to bed. Woke again at 4 (one sleep cycle!), then dozed in/out until 5. Felt okay. Not bad, not great, just okay.

Body: 10-lb weighted pulls, AM 2x4; PM 2x4. At 215a, no aches/pains. At 5a, stiff left foot, and same right ankle pain, no change from yesterday. Amputation is still an attractive option! Stood just one hour in morning then sat rest of day.

Brain: Doing okay. Had a long, lazy breakfast (reading The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest...funny coincidence, I now have the urge to go shopping at Ikea!) to give the brain some down time. Decided I should deal with poor sleep in this manner: don't focus on it & get all "woe is me" about it; simply track & report and let Steve be the detective. Maybe that will limit the impact it has on my mental state, and I can just file it into the "numb" category alongside all of my other stressors.

Bingo outing...I won $123. Yessssssss, happy camper!

Monday, November 12

3a-.5T MCT oil
445a-fried egg, .5c asparagus, hot dog, 2 GF waffles w/ SF syrup, c reg w/ stevia, supps
6a-c reg
630a-taught class (did warmup but stopped jumps, demoed all other moves)
715a-Americano w/ SF syrup
830a-2c half-caff
945a-2c decaf
1030a-coconut flakes w/ Sunbutter
1245p-oz almonds, 2c decaf tea, supps
215p-personal training
345p-oz almonds
645p-salad w oil & vinegar, pork stew, supps
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Chilly in afternoon, as if I were fasting. Otherwise okay.

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 845p-430a. Woke at 3a, hit bathroom, took a hit of MCT oil, back to bed...mostly wide awake, but dozed a little bit. This after two straight high-calorie days...fuck it all to hell.

Last night when I got out of the shower, I stared at my bottle of Benadryl and felt completely torn. I really wanted to take some, knowing it would give me solid sleep for once. I also did not want to take any, knowing there are long-term side effects, and it doesn't actually fix the problem: crappy sleep is a symptom of something else, and that is what needs to be fixed. But I don't know what "that" is. I literally started to cry. That's how very beat down I was yesterday. Somehow, I didn't take any.

My next thought: I could reduce caffeine intake. I typically only have it in the AM via coffee, but maybe the quantity is just too high. Other than that, I gots nuthin'. Fingers crossed that Steve has ideas.

Body: Still feel the ankle just as much as yesterday (ARGH!) but all else feels pretty great. Session went fantastic, benched 105 easily - I don't understand it!

10-lb weighted pulls: 1x5.

Brain: Tired but better than yesterday, especially post-session awesomeness.

Sunday, November 11

230a-.5oz almonds, fried egg, hot dog, .5c asparagus, micro cake, 2c decaf w/ 2T coconut milk, supps
815a-2s pork stew (see below), 2oz coconut cashews
930a-c reg, can Zevia
10a-lightweight lifting
1145a-2 eggs, giant ham slice (Coffee Pot Cafe: highly recommend!), 4c reg w/ Splenda (yeah, their coffee ain't that good, though)
315p-c roasted cauliflower
430p-2.5oz coconut cashews
6p-pork stew, bell peppers w/ salsa, Larabar, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Due to sleep and ankle, made executive decision to stay low-carb but not restrict calories. Doubled fish oil today.

Sleep: In bed 9 hours, but in a rotten manner: 915p-230a and 415-8a. Wide awake about 130a, couldn't fall back. Got up to snack on almonds but felt so wide awake, ate full breakfast. Read until I got tired, back to bed at 415a.

Yesterday was high calories, so now what have I got to explain the terrible sleep? Nothing. Frustration.

Body: Still feeling the ankle, about the same as yesterday post-run, even late in eve. Low back a bit bugged when tossing/turning. Knees stiff as though I had a long run yesterday.

Felt unambitious at the Y, glad I had planned a very low-key day. Chins tougher than normal, all else felt solid. Cut out final planned set to hit lunch date. Walked out feeling better than walking in.

Brain: Spark-less. Frustrated by ankle and sleep and lack of fat loss (knowing that last one may be untrue, I have no objective measurement). Saddened by slow ankle recovery, and blaming low calories. Why can't I be Wonder Woman and Do All The Things??

Semi-defeated and beat down, but not completely. Close, though.

Debated afternoon nap but didn't want to impact overnight asleep. Vegged with TV, book, kitties.

Food prep:
-salads (herb mix, cauliflower, bell peppers, celery)
-pork stew (2 pork tenderloins, 2 onions, summer squash, .5 eggplant, can diced tomatoes, can artichoke hearts, jar banana peppers. Slow-cook for 24 hours. Tasty!)
-breakfast chicken sausage
-thawed 1 package uncured beef hot dogs, and 2 packages Bilinski chicken sausages

Saturday, November 10

430a-fried egg, .5c kraut, uncured beef dog, Uberbar, c reg, supps
545a-c reg
8a- 4.21m walk/run
930a-omelet (3 eggs, ham, sausage, bacon, onions, shrooms, green peppers, tomatoes), hash browns, 3c reg, supps
1130a-bag Cholula jerky, bottle DCC
330p-2s turkey pepperoni chips w/ salsa, s chicken sausage, micro cake, .5oz coconut cashews, bottle DCC, supps
645p-pint vanilla Arctic Zero w/ PB2, cinnamon, dark chocolate - just like a Blizzard!
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Carb re-feed day. Did two meals, should've only been one, but I just plain felt like indulging; it didn't feel uncontrolled or anything. I was not craving carbs but fat, but Steve's direction was high carb, high protein, low fat. I also didn't restrict calories.

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 830p-415a. Woke around 3 and dozed in/out trying to fall back. Ugh. Post-run, took an Epsom salt bath & a nap, 1-3p.

Body: Feeling decent but ankle tendon still slightly there. Wore old fatties on run. Could feel it after about a mile but didn't progress any. Lisa's knee acted up 1.67m in, so we walked; ran 2 short spurts to test her knee, no good. Each time we restarted running my tendon felt worse. Okay while walking. GD. Iced in afternoon.

10-lb weighted pulls: AM 1x6.

Brain: Tired but spent morning being productive (LAPW, bill paying) so I could be lazy in afternoon. Post-walk/run brunch at Northwoods with Lisa & Joy was delightful!

Friday, November 9

430a-fried egg, chicken sausage, c kraut, grapefruit, c reg, supps
6a-c reg
615a-c reg w 2T coconut milk
7a-Americano w/ SF syrup
9a-5oz tuna, grapefruit, .5oz almonds, 2c half-caff
12p-mobiliquicky w/ Joy (FR & stretching)
1230p-coconut flakes & Sunbutter, oz almonds, bottle DCP, supps
130p-Americano w/ SF syrup
515p-uncured beef hot dog, c asparagus, 1.5oz almonds, supps
Throughout day-2 quarts water

Steve gave me some very specific macros to hit. A touch daunting at first, but once I mapped out some easy meals, I was good to go. Again, it takes the control out of my hands and I like that. Just follow the rules, don't second-guess, do as I'm told. Easy.

Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed, 9p-415a. Wide awake at 3a, dozed in/out until my hunter's alarm woke me. Blech. Wanted to nap after work but was too late, vegged on couch instead.

Body: Shins/ankle improving but still there. Low back is just fine after yesterday's session, so deadlifts were not a problem. Hooray! Work angst did lead to low-back anger just before noon, so mobility w/ Joy was exactly what I needed. Walked into the room wanting to smash the foam roller against the wall, walked out feeling better - still mentally shot, but physically calmed down at least.

10-lb weighted pulls, AM 1x6, PM 2x3. Noon 4 wide-grip plank pulls of frustration.

Brain: Stable. Not as tired as expected, but pretty spark-less. Thought about going in to NSS early again, but wasn't quite ambitious enough for that. Had a slow lazy morning instead.

Today I am trying to ignore my belly hate and instead focus on my ass. Because despite my genes, I actually have one - thanks to lifting heavy. And today's jeans really highlight it. Thanks, Maurices!

Work a little overwhelming. Feels like every single day could/should be a 10-hour day. So much to do, all hot priorities, whatever happened to post-close calmness? Will it ever return? Do I really want to get myself into leadership responsibilities when normal peon status is this much work? Ugh.

Luckily, my weekend should be relaxing. Only "public" plans involve a run & breakfast w/ Lisa (maybe Joy, too) on Saturday, and lifting w/ Joy & then brunch w/ Amy & Amanda on Sunday. All good fun!

Thursday, November 8

245a-1/3 oz almonds
5a-2 fried eggs, c kraut, chicken sausage, c reg w/ 2T coconut milk, supps
745a-Americano w/ SF syrup
830a-2c reg
930a-coconut flakes & Sunbutter
1030a-2c reg w/ stevia
12p-salad (romaine, olives, carrots, tomatoes, cukes, chicken) w/ oil & vinegar, 2c apple cider tea, supps
3p-oz almonds
4p-personal training
545p-ratatouille w/ chicken, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 9p-445a. Wide awake about 2, not hot/sweaty/gross, but wired and couldn't fall back. Got up for bathroom and almonds. Managed to fall back, but woke again about 415/430, still quite tired, but couldn't fall back. UGH.

Body: Pretty decent. Still tight lower legs, still feeling the ankle far more than I want to, but it is a little better. Sat rather than standing at desk all day to help it along (except for last half hour, SICK of sitting) and no rope-skippin' at my session. Iced ankle in eve. Happily, digestion is not being impacted by poor sleep this time. Even happilier, training felt fantastic and went very well! Low back bugged a bit on drive home but felt related to presses not deadlifts.

Brain: Tired physically, and tired of fat loss efforts fucking up my sleep. I can NOT function on crap sleep, this we all know. Discouraged. It feels like my only two options are to be skinny but tired & depressed, or well-rested but fat. Blargh. Emailed Steve for HALP. Unfortunately, Steve had the day off. So I just sucked it up - possible only because by day's end I was in a much better place thanks to the session.

And Dustin, I looked back to 10/23, back squat deload day, and guess who had fucked up sleep that week? Don't touch my heavy squats, boy!

Also, for bonus stress I just plain felt fat today. Belly feels exactly the same. I hate my belly, but I mostly hate that I even care this much.

Acne: Reacting to something again. Mild, but still: I have not eaten anything I didn't prepare myself. Processed: GF bread, macaroons, Larabars, protein powder, almond milk = all things that were fine in the past. Frustration. Maybe the protein powder, it's been a long while since I've had any. Or maybe I can only handle it when calories are higher and stress is lower and I'm getting some damned sleep. I don't know. I hate how much effort this takes.

Quote: Watched the latest NSS transformation, and the ending quote took my breath away. This, despite being inundated with quotes at work all the time...frankly, it's shocking that any quote still hits me hard! But this is a good 'un:
Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it.
The time will pass anyway.
-Earl Nightingale
The time will pass anyway. Very powerful.

Wednesday, November 7

445a-2 fried eggs, c kraut, chicken sausage, almond milk latte, supps
545a-c reg
630a-taught class, did warmup & quick demos only
930a-1/3c coconut milk w/ sc vanilla protein, 2c half-caff
12p-mobiliquicky session w/ Joy
1p-4oz tilapia, c stir fry, 4oz sweet peppers, oz almonds, supps
2p-2c half-caff
630p-5oz tuna, bag peas, micro cake, supps
730p-2c decaf w/ T coconut milk
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Hungry & chilly at 4pm, otherwise fine. Low enough calories all day to fit in a micro cake. Winning!

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 9p-430a. Woke at 3 and was very choppy after that. Same half Benadryl.

So perhaps low calories = crap sleep, and the macro situation doesn't matter? Will see what happens tonight before jumping to conclusions.

Body: Sore hams. Lower legs still tight. Right ankle still pretty annoyed. Rest day planned as of yesterday already, knowing it wasn't worth dragging out the ankle issue. Sure wish the sun had been shining like this on Monday!

My mobilibuddy easily convinced me of a Well date. Foam-rolled lower body, TB on back, many back streches, ham stretches. Felt good.

10-lb weighted pulls: AM 1x5, PM 2x3.

Brain: Tired, and kind of in numb mode. So much work to do, and a time crunch because of a 2.5-hour all-team meeting. That's right, 2.5 hours (bad enough) on the busiest day of month-end close (shoot me).

Spoiled husband: they are now going racing in Texas on the 13th. Lucky dog!


Tuesday, November 6

445a-2 fried eggs, chicken sausage, c kraut, c reg, almond milk latte, supps
650a-walked 2 blocks to be the first voter!
7a-c reg
8a-Americano w/ SF syrup
915a-coconut flakes w/ Sunbutter, c reg
12p-personal training
130p-5oz tuna w/ 2T mustard on 1.5 sl GF bread, med banana, 4 macaroons, supps*
2p-2c sugar cookie apple cider tea
630p-4oz tilapia, c stir fry, salad w/ oil & vinegar, supps
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

*Carb re-feed meal #1 for the week, hooray! I felt stuffed immediately afterward, but normal rest of day. Experiment: kept calories close to 1600 despite the extra carbs. Will see what happens to sleep, compared to last week, with my only change being the macros.

Today I input my meal template into Sparkpeople to gauge my accuracy. I've been misjudging my avocado calories but otherwise am pretty much spot on. However, I need to change my lunch veg because the mix I have now is putting me closer to 100g carbs than 70g. It's those damn delicious fall veg from Ploughshare! (Yes, they are super healthy, but they are not fat-loss foods.)

So a question for JOY or HEATHER or other knowledgable peeps: what should I do with them that I can freeze and stash away to eat in smaller doses?

Sleep: In bed 8.25 hours, 9p-415a. Very solid. Still on half a Benadryl. Will aim to cut it out completely this weekend.

Body: Extremely tight lower legs thanks to the Vibrams. Kind of shocking, felt like "I ought to have more strength than this!" But, whatever, I don't. Rolling pin in AM, FR at session, Stick in eve.

Outer right ankle more annoyed in afternoon. Jump rope?

Low back got tight around 430p, but I blame that on work stress & feeling like I would be there until 7pm. (Fortunately I was able to leave by 530p, but I had to jump on at home for another hour after supper...can't decide if that's a win.)

10-lb weighted pulls, eve: 2x3.


AM: Voting day! First voter in West Union! Anyone reading this should know I vote liberal. I am for the little guy at all times. So I got my Obama on and this smart pretty lady voted no, twice over! (But I'm not one of those super political assholes who gives a crap about how you vote. I still love my Fox-News-loving parents. I feel incredibly strongly about my opinions, but I typically avoid the topic all around. Rarely worth the battle and never worth the hard feelings.)

Anyway, brain in the PM: Blargh. I want a new job: Powerball Winner.

Monday, November 5

445a-2 fried eggs, .5c kraut, chicken sausage, c reg, supps
6a-c reg w/ stevia & cinnamon
630a-taught class (did warmup, demo'd each move, did pyramid of pain x3)
745a-2c reg w/ pumpkin tea flavoring
830a-2c reg w/ pumpkin tea flavoring
1015a-s coconut flakes & Sunbutter
12p-2.68m run/walk w/ Lisa
1p-5oz tuna, 2c roasted veg, oz almonds, supps
615p-4oz tilapia, c stir fry, salad w/ avocado & oil & vinegar, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 830p-430a. Solid, woke naturally w/o alarm. Love falling back!

Body: Outer right ankle tendon is tight again. Sticked it at home. Stairs down to Well felt like long-run aches/pains, but class warmup felt great. For a little while I was upset at the long-run pains, and then I remembered the run was YESTERDAY not Saturday, so still feeling it today made sense. Sometimes I'm just a complete idiot.

Foam-rolled before run and found sore spots in both outer shins. Run/walk felt really good but outer right ankle got a bit worse about 20 minutes in. Wore Vibrams. It continued to be annoyed rest of day - not bad standing normally, but pissed when walking or standing on right leg. Spent a couple hours half-freaked by this pain, until I remembered there were a couple near-falls yesterday on the trails. So this pain is 99% likely just a very temporary aggravation. Whew! (This is exactly why I need a Chief to keep me away from the ledge. I seem to be magnetized to it.) Sticked again at home in eve.

10-lb weighted pulls: AM 1x6, PM 1x5.

Brain: Doing okay. Feel like I get punched in the gut each time I see Sandy's door, which is directly across from mine, so it's a bit rough. Buried myself in work. Luckily it's month-end so I sure have plenty of it!

On the off-chance anyone reading about my work issues is jumping to conclusions, the talking I did with TC last week was simply about me being interested in leadership. Not an offer or commitment of any sort, merely a "This is an option Sabrina would be interested in if we would go that way" type of conversation. A daunting challenge, but I'd be up for it. But very daunting! Anyway I'm pretty sure it will be at least a month before anything is decided, and I wouldn't be the slightest bit surprised if they parceled out Sandy's job 8 ways and didn't replace her, sales being super duper awesome and all.

Meanwhile, I need to give the tax firm a heads-up if my hours there will be reduced. I feel like that may happen no matter what is decided, at least until we survive TS's annual audit in February. Ugh. I really hate feeling as if I am letting them down. They certainly count on me & my hours to get plenty of tax returns kicked out, and I do really enjoy working there, but there's only so much Sabrina to go around.

Sunday, November 4

245a-.5oz almonds
515a-fried egg, c kraut, chicken sausage, 2c reg w/ T coconut milk, half Larabar, supps
715a-c reg, half Larabar
8a- 2c reg w/ SF syrup
9a-9.03m trail run w/ Greg P
915a(PWO)-s Ultima
12p-salad w/ avocado & oil & vinegar, pint Arctic Zero, 2c pumpkin tea w/ cinnamon & 2T coconut milk
4p-c apple cider tea
5p-ratatouille, 6oz chicken, few pumpkin seeds, c apple cider tea, supps
Throughout day-2 quarts water

Very tempted to overeat pre-run but did fine after that.

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed, 815p-5a (both new time). Not very solid, but okay.

At 245a I woke up hot/sweaty/gross and feeling perfectly awful. That is due to a massive blood sugar crash after the huge carby supper, and I should have known better. Ate almonds per Steve's protein/fat advice. Slept better after that, but Hop's hunting alarm woke me earlier than desired.

Napped 145-330p. One good solid sleep cycle, was nice.

Body: Felt tired and dehydrated first off, but ate well and got hydrated. All else in good shape for the run, which felt downright awesome. I only started to peter out at the very end, which was also after our pause to admire the stick house, so it was partly the "first mile always sucks" feeling and also because I didn't run with water; the 1.5-hour mark is about when that begins to break down, was expecting it.

Tight Achilles and all-over achiness after the nap.

Weighted pulls throughout day, 1x8.

Brain: Tired & cranky first off, but better after breakfast. Run was excellent for my brain. While 7 days without running makes some weak, I'm sure it was beneficial for my body. But I'm ready to get back to my regular schedule, perhaps do some speedwork with Lisa for potential upcoming 5k runs.

Saturday, November 3

530a-2 fried eggs, c asparagus, chicken sausage, c reg w/ stevia, supps
615a-half Larabar, c reg
845a-basement lifting
1030a-c reg w/ stevia
12p-scrambled eggs, bunch of bacon, bunch of reg w/ bunch of coconut milk
430p-4oz sweet spicy almonds, bottle diet A&W
7p-2 sl lasagna, pint Arctic Zero w/ almonds & chocolate mint syrup, 1.5 Larabars, supps
Throughout day-2 quarts water

Carb refeed at supper. Overdid it and felt completely stuffed. It would have been better to do it PWO, but I knew it would be tough to return to a low-carb supper. And, Hop was supposed to be home to eat lasagna with me. Date night. But he was busy gutting deer...stupid boys.

Sleep: In bed 8 hours, 9p-5a. Solid, but wouldn't have turned down more. Same half Benadryl.

Body: Lower legs tight first off. Digestive system was stalled yesterday, freaking out this morning. Felt pretty awful for a while. Does perhaps indicate that low sleep may be what causes constipation...though still not sure what causes low sleep.

Vegged w/ Clyde and TV for a couple hours, which made me a little sleepy, debated a nap (before 9am?!) but I cranked up Pandora, read my last Dustin-less lifting workout, and got excited to reunite with my squat rack! Changed things up and that felt great.

PM pulls w/ 10-lb weight: 1, 2, 1, 1.

Brain: Bit blah until workout endorphins kicked in. Brunch at Heather's was a delight. Bacon & coffee & convo & sweet doggies for 5 hours!

Friday, November 2

345a-2 fried eggs, chicken sausage, c kraut, c reg w/ stevia, supps
8a-Americano w/ SF syrup
930a-2c half-caff
1045a-oz almonds, 2c decaf w/ stevia
12p-c ratatouille w/ chicken, 2 pickles, 3 bacon-wrapped weenies, some raw veg & fruit, can DCC, decaf Americano w/ stevia, supps
6p-1.5c decaf w/ SF syrup
7p-1/4 chicken*, salad w/ half avocado & oil & vinegar, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Have I mentioned that I eat meat bones whenever I can? Lots of minerals. This chicken was slow-cooked 24 hours. Most of the bones were softer than a cookie!

Sleep: 6.5 hours in bed, 9p-330a. Solid, but I was seriously wide awake at 330a. Felt like I got a full night, though. Went for productivity and hit NSS early. Same half-dose of Benadryl.

So, it seems a carb boost didn't fix the sleep issue. But I definitely didn't feel as dead tired as yesterday morning, so I'll just keep on keepin' on and see how things go. And weekends = naps, so that could help a whole lot!

Body: Low back muscles a wee bit tight. Wore 1" heeled boots so am sitting at desk all day. Slight soreness in glutes, abs. Nice to feel!

Brain: Up & down. Up at NSS. Down for Sandy's last day. Up for chat with Theresa. Up for team lunch with 100% participation. Down for Sandy actually leaving (don't know how I managed not to cry). Up for a return to NSS. SUPER up for seeing my husband!

Thursday, November 1

4a-fried egg, chicken sausage, c asparagus, half Larabar, c reg w/ stevia, supps
615a-c reg
7a-Americano w/ SF syrup
930a-2c reg w/ stevia
1045a-s coconut flakes w/ s Sunbutter, 4 macaroons
12p-personal training
130p-2c roasted veg, oz almonds, med banana, supps
615p-Cobb salad w/ balsamic vinaigrette, 3 c decaf
730p-c decaf chai tea, supps
Throughout day-2 quarts water

Sleep: 6.75 hours in bed, 915p-4a. Solid but then I woke about 3; tried to fall back asleep but gave up after an hour. Just wide awake, feeling like it must be 5. Can't blame husband, he got home at 12. Had taken a half Benadryl.

I am blaming& the low caloric intake, or possibly low carbs (since I hit low cals via low carbs). Added a half-Larabar to breakfast again, then emailed Steve the backstory and asked for ideas. That's what I'm paying for, right?

His recommendation was to try two carb re-feed windows per week instead of one. I did one today (yay macaroons!), but next week I'm thinking Tuesday post-Dustin (to be more pre-emptive) then again on the weekend.

I also feel like I probably ought to input a day into Sparkpeople to see how accurate my calcs actually are. Blargh. On the other hand, if I'm consistently "off," I'm at least consistent in my off-ness because I don't vary my food too much. So maybe it's good enough as is. I guess if we don't see results, then I could log, but if it's working, don't break it.

Body: Bit achey in low legs, but mostly have quite sore thighs. How can 115# squats beat me up this much? Joy suggested I was going deeper, and I'd like to think that, but my mean internal voice is saying I lost that much strength with the running-required 3-week deload. Then my session went pretty damned fantastic - but Dustin told me to expect to be very sore tomorrow. Excellent.

Brain: Today started down, then went up up up!

Started out pretty tired & frustrated at the sleep issue, frustrated that I had to ask Steve for help, feeling a little on the sparkless end of the spectrum. Debated an early NSS day but instead I read for a while & then woke up my husband, who is VERY nearly done pumping. Yay!

Wore my "magic pants" today - they are not magic, they are just the size I want to be (and was...a year ago). Sigh. Today it felt as if it will take a whole lotta magic to fit into them. Bad idea to wear them on a day I felt "blech" already.

Up...I had a long talk with Sandy today that made me feel much much better about the future without her - still sad though. She's amazing.

Up...session was most excellent.

Up...Amy & I had supper at Doolittle's and that was also a wonderful conversation.

I realized that I really need to ditch this idea that owning up to my strengths is a bad, braggy, arrogant thing. Not sure where that even comes from. The inability to see or admit weaknesses is bad, but recognizing, owning, & celebrating one's strengths is a sign of maturity.

Wait, does this mean I'm getting old?