Friday, October 5

515a-2 fried eggs, .5c sauerkraut, venison patty, coconutty micro cake, c reg, supps
630a-c reg w/ bit of coconut butter
730a-Americano w/ SF syrup
915a-Awesomesauce, 2c decaf w/ stevia
115p-3oz salmon, .5c roasted veg, Uberbar, 2c decaf, supps
630p-bag pork jerky, 5oz mixed nuts, supps
Throughout day-3.5 quarts water

I know that my NCP goal is to "eat by feel" but I am not feeling capable of that yet...I don't trust that my cravings and my true hunger signals are in sync. For example, I have a box of unopened toaster waffles in my freezer. They're only 110 calories and I know they will taste delicious to my restricted tastebuds  - but since carbs have historically led to ZOMG CARBS, I fear that eating even one might lead me to eating six. So there they sit, unopened. I'm not even craving them (I seriously just crave fat lately) but the idea that I don't trust myself to open them makes me feel pathetic and weak.

What I'm doing to "eat by feel" - plotting out my day with all the good stuff, but then if I finish supper and am craving something, I'll indulge. Since my indulgences can't be crap sources (usually nuts / coconut butter / micro cake), I know this is okay. But I wish I could do this without planning / plotting / obsessing. And I wish my fat cravings would calm down.

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 830p-5a. A two-Benadryl night to be sure sleep was solid (knew Hop would come home at some point, didn't want to wake me up) and to hopefully speed up bee sting healing. It worked on the first count, as I slept like a damn rock. Woke around 4/430, dozed until I felt solidly awake, which was 5 on the dot. Woot!!

Body: AM pulls, 2x3. PM pulls, 2x3. Feeling good. Bottoms of feet were the only tight spots when I got up. Given yesterday's deadlifts, that is most excellent! Forearms slightly sore, especially right. Rest day, as planned. Not a mental challenge when it's so windy out! Low back started to bug about 1pm but fine after I went to NSS & sat.

This week I tried something new on casual days - I did not wear my usual jeans that are too tight and make me look fat. I wore my "denim trousers" yesterday, and my "skinny" jeans today (ironically, these are larger in waist/hips than my usual jeans) - so I don't feel like a sausage. Brain is doing much better!

Brain: Doing well. Just ONE day to survive before the weekend, I can do eet! While I did not actually get to talk with Hop, or even see him - I was asleep when he came home, he was asleep when I left - it makes me happy to know he finally got to sleep in his own bed. I know he gets to catch short naps here & there, but they are in the seat of a semi, not ever laying flat, and never for a long chunk of time. I don't know how those guys do it. However, I do know why they do it: today's paycheck was TWICE as big as the last one. That helps mitigate the loneliness a little bit.

Left TS at 3pm. Prepared for 5pm, this felt like a huge win!!

Flights booked for Boston! $430 each, ouch. On the other hand, mom took care of getting them, which I really appreciated.

House offer accepted by the seller. But that was expected - it's really Wells Fargo that needs to agree, and that's a big ol' question mark...

Cute story: Lisa's 3rd kiddo, Carter, spends a bit of time here Friday morning, waiting for preschool to start at 9. Usually it drives me half-crazy, as he's very talkative & his voice just sounds kind of whiny - but this morning I was fond of him. Lisa was pointing at colors and asking him what they were, and on brown, his answer was "chocolate." Even *I* couldn't help laughing out loud at that one!

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