Wednesday, October 31

445a-fried egg, chicken sausage, c kraut, almond milk latte, supps
6a-half Larabar, c reg
630a-taught class, did warmup only
8a-Americano w/ SF syrup
9a-s coconut flakes & Sunbutter
12p-mobility mania w/ Joy
130p-5oz tuna, c acorn squash w/ s coconut flakes (forgot supps)
6p-4oz tilapia, c stir fry, salad w/ half avocado & oil & vinegar, supps
7p-c hibiscus tea w/ c almond milk
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Legit hunger at 5p. Curious. Cravings fine though.

Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed, 915p-430a. Woke without alarm, feel fairly rested, but wish I could have logged one more sleep cycle.

Body: AM pulls 3x3. Noon 3x5 during mobility. PM pulls 3x3. Upon waking, stiff/tight Achilles and right hip flexor, but class warmup felt lovely.

Once again this morning I had a direct line, within 10 minutes, from super stressed (5 people need me all at once, wait, no, let's make it 10!) to low back anger. Once again: whoa!

Moved my run to post-work so I could join my mobili-buddy at lunchtime, and thought I would hit up hills. Heading down the stairs at mobility time, I realized how sore I was from yesterday, and downgraded from hills to flatlands. But when the foam roller on my outer quads made me flinch, I eliminated the run completely. I'm already on low calories & sleep quantity has been less than ideal - a combo which hugely impacts recovery (& mental state) for me. I decided I really had nothing to gain from it and could potentially end up feeling worse; gold star!

Also still feel some soreness in the shins on FR, but can put full weight on it. Right outer ankle tight at end of day. Hams a little sore.

Brain: Fun Halloween times at work, we won best team theme! Husband should be done pumping tomorrow! Mobilicizing with Joy! Felt smart when I shared some of my irresistible macaroons w/ others - fewer left to tempt me. A pretty good day.

Want want want!! Homemade "peanut butter" cups that I could eat: Sticky Chocolate Cups Where the hell was this recipe when I was able to eat "whatever"?! Perhaps in 3 weeks for a birthday treat?

Quote:
Dear You,
Yes … YOU! You are amazing. Have a beautiful day.
-Terri Rosenstock, to me
I am so spoiled by all of my wonderful friends.

Tuesday, October 30

5a-2 fried eggs, c asparagus, chicken sausage, 2c reg, supps
630a-c reg
730a-Americano w/ SF syrup
9a-2c half-caff
10a-coconut flakes w/ Sunbutter
12p-personal training
145p-can tuna, chicken sausage, slice pumpkin pie, supps
645p-6oz chicken, sweet peppers w/ Todd County guacamole, roasted artichoke, roasted cauliflower, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Met w/ Steve. Next two weeks: 1600 calories, and 50-70g carbs (200-280 calories). One high-carb/calorie day per week. I'm thinking Saturday night with the hubs should be a fine time to feast!

Sleep: 7.75 hours, 9p-445a. Pretty solid. Half Benadryl.

Body: Feeling really good. (Rest days help, who knew?) Squats felt harder than they "should have" in session but all the rest was great. Is that the result of a few deload weeks, that quickly? Sad! Digestive system is finally back on track, bit of a delayed reaction to Sunday's senna tea.

Acne: Chin reactions started showing up Sunday/Monday. Well, guess what the number one ingredient was in Panera's dressing on Saturday? Soy. Plus I also never got the avocado it was supposed to come with. Screw you, Panera - you're no Bistro to Go!!

Also, the sunflower/canola oil in Saturday's potato chips is a possible additional suspect; since I hadn't anticipated the dressing issue, I figured it would be a fine time to test those oils. Sigh.

Brain: Still even. Given work stress, that's a helluva lot better than it could be.

Quote:
Is it alright if another guy jumps in with you today? He had to re-schedule for today and you are the only one impressive enough for me to put him with!

-Dustin Schlichting (to me, this morning)

For the sake of my ego, I'm pretending Dustin was 100% serious.

Dustin also introduced me to my temporary training partner as "a pretty accomplished runner" which has totally earned him a bonus Halloween treat!

Monday, October 29

445a-fried egg, c kraut, chicken sausage, c reg, supps
6a-almond milk latte w/ cinnamon & stevia
630a-taught class (did warm-up, stretching, tested ideas for next month, burpee finisher)
8a-2c reg
915a-2c half-caff
10a-coconut flakes & Sunbutter
12p(restaurant*)-chef salad (chicken, ham, hb egg, tomato, romaine) w/ oil & vinegar
2p-2c decaf tea, supps
7p-4oz tilapia, c stir fry, salad w/ half avocado & oil & vinegar, 2 macaroons**, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

*Lunch meeting at Bistro To Go. Highly recommend for this reason: told her about my allergies, she said "No problem, just tell me what you want on a salad and we'll make it." Talk about service!!

**These are irresistible. I brought them to work, where my willpower is usually strong. I brought these two home to eat...so I couldn't eat any more than the allotted 2. Genius!

Diet Summary post has been updated.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 830p-430a. Woke naturally, without alarm, and it was solid. Half a Benadryl.

Body: AM pulls3x3, forgot in eve. Still some right hip tightness, otherwise I am feeling really good. Digestion starting to come back around but not normal yet.

Got super frustrated/stressed just before lunch (technology issues) and almost immediately felt low back anger, literally within 10 minutes. Whoa.

Couldn't run at noon due to meeting; too mentally shot after work to care - I also had some house-purchase runaround to deal with today. Bleah!

Brain: Doing really well. Still feeling very "even" - purposely keeping myself moderated a bit, aware of the dangers (and my tendency) of flying to extremes. Channelling my calm, mellow, inner Dustin.

Also, I read another genius "We are talking to you, Sabrina!" post on the Whole9 blog. Hits home. I do feel like I'm coming up out of my almost-two-year low, but some days are still shaky, and I'm trying to be very aware of the things that pushed me into that low.

Sunday, October 28

7a-2 fried eggs, .5c asparagus, s chicken sausage, sl bacon, c reg w/ splash almond milk, supps
8a-c reg w/ stevia
1130a-6oz chicken, 2c stir fry, c reg, macaroon, supps
12p-decaf almond milk latte
430p-2c Heather's chili, few bites roasted veg, salad w/ avocado & oil & vinegar, .5oz almonds, c senna tea, supps
730p-micro cake
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Back to fat-loss intake of 1700. Felt fine all day.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 1030p-630a. Can't believe I stayed up so late again! This time I was vegging on couch w/ cats & TV so it was practically like sleep.

Body: Lower legs stiff, upper body also a bit stiff. Felt very dehydrated when I first got up, weirdly. Shin muscles: no tenderness already! Right hip flexor is tight (was also tight after race). Digestion is off once again, and I just plain didn't feel like doing any pulls.

Brain: Got to see Hop for almost a whole hour this morning. Wow! Little Miss Productivity today: super productive time at home, lots of work completed at NSS, shopping errands.

Food prep:
-meat: 5 servings tilapia w/ onion; to eat daily at supper w/ a giant salad
-veg: 7 servings stir fry (batch: lb broccoli, .5 lb kale, lb chard, .5 lb peppers, onion); to eat daily at supper w/ fish & salad
-starch: 6 s roasted veg (batch: 9x13 pan of 4 roasted beets, celeriac, dozen carrots, few parsnips, few turnips, tiny squash, sprinkled w/ honey BBQ seasoning); to eat daily at lunch (PWO) w/ can tuna
-asparagus or kraut for breakfast w/ chicken sausage & egg
-more salads will be made tomorrow night
-I also bought a fresh on-sale artichoke with no idea what to do...perhaps this?

Saturday, October 27

415a-2 fried eggs, 2 chicken sausage, .5c sauerkraut, c reg w/ half c almond milk, supps
515a-c reg
7a-.5s pumpkin seeds, half bottle DCP
830a-10m Monster Dash
10a(post run)-banana, oz bag chips
1130a-s pumpkin seeds, bag Cholula jerky, half bottle DCP
130p(restaurant)-cobb salad w/ Greek dressing, mushy apple, Americano w/SF syrup
5p-4s coconut butter, 9oz rotisserie chicken, pint Arctic Zero
730p-4 coconut macaroons
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 5.5 hours in bed, 1030p-4a. Woke at 3:30 and fell back, woke to alarm. Otherwise it was solid - though definitely not enough. Half Benadryl.

Body. Pretty decent. Outer right ankle tightness, but not bad. Race went GREAT. Ankle got tight right after but nothing bugged during other than a potential blister (wore old clodhoppers). Stretched a fair amount post-run, but was also in a car for 3 hours afterward, ugh. Stiff and tight each time I got moving again. At home I did a tiny bit of fall clean-up & fetched groceries, and I felt better even with that little bit of movement.

Shins are now tender again, about like they were on Tuesday or so, but I am feeling confident that November will happy them back up. Easy shorts with Lisa during the week, and medium trails on the weekends until the snow shuts them down. Maybe the Turkey Day 5k so long as I don't build up some stupid pressure about it in my foolish head. Boston training to commence in December so that I can do a long slow build and reduce the risk of injury.

Brain: Pretty awesome. Thoroughly enjoyed spending so much of the day with Lisa, and the race of course was a ton o' terrific. I'm actually really grateful for the forced stop at the porta-potty, because without it we might have pushed ourselves harder and had less fun. I'm also excited that Lisa had a little nugget of learning, being able to log an 8:00 final mile exactly because we'd gone so very easy in the first 9. It's such a fantastic feeling to finish strong & fast. (Mind out of the gutter, kids.)

Friday, October 26

615a-2 fried eggs, chicken sausage, c sauerkraut, c reg w/ .5c almond milk, supps
7a-c reg
8a-Americano w/ SF syrup
10a-coconut flakes & Sunbutter, 2c decaf
1p-can tuna, c acorn squash w/ s coconut flakes, oz almonds, 2c decaf tea
430p-2oz almonds
6p-3oz almonds
8p-6-ish slices bacon
10p-4s coconut butter, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Forgot to mention I doubled my fish oil yesterday to help the legs get over themselves. Forgot to do so today.

Emailed Steve about potentially adjusting intake level for tomorrow's race. While I am not feeling totally stellar at 1700, I do feel just fine. Mentally, it's been easy to shut down the snacky cravings because 1700 is an accountable-to-Steve brick wall for me. And since my calories are all coming from very good sources, I know that I'm getting lots of good vitamins/minerals/etc for my cells - no "empty" calories. Plus, tomorrow's race is truly not a big deal. It's for fun only, so if I'm unable to kick ass, well, that's exactly what I expected! Anyway, my point is that I was not real concerned either way, but Steve said not to restrict.

Sleep: 9 hours in bed, 9p-6a - got my sleep average back up to 8 despite the night of only 6 - yeah baby! One Benadryl (I will drop to halves after tomorrow). Took a while to fall asleep, but it was super solid once I did. Woke w/o alarm. Awesome. Probably helped that my husband got home 5 minutes after I woke up. (Helped ME, not him.)

Body: AM pulls 3x3. Stiff/tight lower legs and feet. Low back bugging a little bit.

Brain: Still even.

I forgot to share something really super cool - when I had supper with my mom on Monday night, she said she had cut out wheat from her diet. I asked her if she's felt any changes. She immediately replied, "Well, I'm less inflamed." Given she is constantly complaining about a sore shoulder, sore hips, etc, and regularly visits the chiro (at which she works, so it's a pretty handy perk), this is pretty huge. There's so much else I would love to see her do (fully eliminate dairy & soy [she just limits them now] and other grains, cut the "healthy junk food," drop some fat as a result) that I know would help her feel a whole lot better, but this is a pretty giant first step for her. And if she can already make the connection between what she's eating and how she's feeling...man, that's freaking awesome.

Thursday, October 25

545a-fried egg, chicken sausage, c sauerkraut, c reg w/ splash almond milk, supps
7a-c reg
845a-2c reg
945a-coconut flakes & Sunbutter
12p-personal training
130p-chicken sausage, can tuna, c acorn squash w coconut flakes, can Zevia, supps
2p-2c decaf tea
7p-salad w/ half avocado & oil & vinegar, chicken sausage, c spaghetti squash, few squash seeds, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: In bed 8.5 hours, 9p-530a. Woke a little after 4 but managed to fall back. Did go back to 1 Benadryl. May have to wean the body off it.

Body: I now have outer-ankle pain on both sides. I had it going on last week, but it would switch from one side to the other, and obviously I didn’t run last week - so I just wrote it off as taper-week phantom-pain mind-fuck nonsense. What does it mean today? Dustin blamed different shoes, road surface, not real concerned. Love his calmness.

Going to run on Saturday but take it nice & easy. Settle into an "I can run like this all day" pace and enjoy the costumes and foolishness and time with Lisa. If things hurt, I can walk.

Wore boots with a 1" heel, so I sat at desk all day. It made for terrible off-kilter posture much of the time.

Brain: Doing okay. So many things I could be freaking out about: ankles/shins, run/don't run, Sandy/work, house/moving (maybe), overworked husband, and another potential huge thing I can't even post here (because this blog is public and the thing is VERY potential and very not-public) (no I'm not pregnant thank the baby hey zeus) (and it's not a bad thing) - yet somehow I'm strangely...calm. Evenly keeled. The kind of person I wish I was all the time. Again, I wish I knew the secret.

I can pinpoint that I'm coping with the DNF/injury this week so well because (thanks to Dustin) I'm fully aware it's not as huge as I had initially feared. (Like always.) I've recovered so quickly (and get to run on Saturday) exactly because I DNFd on Saturday rather than attempting to grind it out. Not that I could have attempted anything further once the knee started to hurt; that was a righteous bitchslap. But still - I feel a bit wise for having some big-picture perspective on what is normally such an emotional "ZOMG the SKY is FALLING!!!" topic.

Quote: Have I mentioned I heart Rog Law? He usually isn't saying anything truly new, but the way he says it always hits home.
If you're worrying about something right now and can change it, do it ASAP.

If you're worrying about something that's out of your control, change your perspective on it and stop worrying about it.

Worrying does nothing but drain all the sexy from your mind, taking up resources that could be used to find solutions and live your life to the max.

Let go.

-Rog Law
We've all been told worrying accomplishes nothing. We all know this to be true. But while I'm down in the depths of a freakout, it has zero impact. Logic simply has no relevance in the depths of a freakout. But a phrase like "Worrying does nothing but drain all the sexy from your mind" can stop me in my tracks, make me laugh, and cause a little crack to open up for real perspective to shine through.

Wednesday, October 24

345a-2 fried eggs, 2 sl bacon, c cauli-browns, c reg w/ bit of almond milk, supps
545a-c reg, 2 bites acorn squash
730a-Americano w/ SF syrup
630a-taught class, did warm-up & set of pulls
930a-s coconut flakes, s Sunbutter, 4 (!) Reese's Pieces, 2c decaf
1145a-.5oz almonds
1215p-3.31m run
1p-chicken sausage, can tuna, .5oz almonds, supps
2p-2c reg
6p-6oz chicken, c spaghetti squash, salad w/ half avocado & oil & vinegar, supps
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Note on the Reese's Pieces: I check the cookie box for pieces that have fallen loose from cookies - it's something I can have in very small amounts, so tasty, and so rare. If I manage to find ONE, that's a bonus. Today there were FOUR. Score!

Sleep: 6 hours in bed, 915p-315a. Why? (a) I woke when Hop crawled in at 3, felt wide awake, tossed and turned until I got up so he could sleep (for 3 whole hours); (b) I didn't take any Benadryl last night; (c) often my sleep goes to hell due to low calories. Don't know which to blame, but the first two would be easiest to solve.

Don't feel too beat down, but definitely need more hours than 6. On the plus side, normally I would use poor sleep as an excuse to add an indulgent micro cake to breakfast. But since I am accountable to Steve and 1700, I only added an extra egg. (And a taste-test of acorn squash as I cut it up/portioned it out.) Yay me!

Body: AM pulls 3x5. PM pulls 3x5. Feeling pretty good. Not even stiff and sore when I got up, holy shit! Right shin still a bit tender to touch, but barely noticeable. Unhappy guts in morning, not fun. Sat 2 hours in afternoon meeting.

Test run went great. In afternoon, I did have some outer right ankle weirdness just like I had last week but dismissed. Hm. Hoping hoping hoping.

Brain: Stable. Somehow I didn't even cry myself to sleep over Sandy. Stayed numb. Was even able to joke with her tonight about how she will miss dealing with the new acquisition (pure sarcasm - it's a nightmare).

I wonder if some of my coping is purely lack of control; I can't stop her from leaving, I can't prepare any more than I already am - yet it would still be typical of me to freak out whether I can do anything or not.

Somehow I am not doing so. A very busy work day helped keep my mind off all of these stressors, but even THAT didn't stress me out like normal. On a low-sleep day. And while anxious about shins/Saturday's race.

After spending Sunday believing the sky was falling, I am rather shocked by this change. I wish I knew the secret so I could keep it up.

Tuesday, October 23

530a-fried egg, 2 sl bacon, c sauerkraut, c reg w/ T coconut milk, supps
630a-c reg
730a-2c reg
9a-2c reg
930a-coconut flakes w/ Sunbutter
12p-personal training
130p-can tuna, 1.5c cauli-browns, oz almonds, supps
6p-4oz steak w/ T BBQ sauce, salad w/ oil & vinegar, pepperoni chips w/ TC guac, supps
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 845p-5a. Fairly solid, woke naturally.

Body: PM pulls 3x4. Shins continue to improve, though still tender to touch. Everything else is nearly normal.

Brain: Improving, thanks to time & a chat with Chief.

But had a crappy day at work. Sandy told us she is leaving, in just two weeks. This will be a huge impact on me. Pure sadness. Coped by just turning numb...saved the tears for at home. Couple people wondered if I would get promoted - I certainly doubt it. I don't know if I could do it (definitely not half as well as she) and I don't know if I would want to. I already feel regularly stressed as a mere peon. Leadership at TS is no small task. Anyway, I suspect job pieces will get parceled out. Maybe I'll have a "taste" of leadership in that fashion. I'm okay with baby steps. I think.

Meanwhile, at home, the desktop went all stupid again (stupid iTunes and its fancy need to update the iPad wirelessly), and my iPod wouldn't charge on the wall outlet. My technology always goes screwy in multiples. Gah. Feel for me and my first-world problems!

NCP summary post updated with actuals. The numbers for last week are something to behold. No lie, I consumed 7150 calories on Saturday. How could I possibly have had room for that much? Lots of fat, such as an entire 10oz bag of pistachios. Or half a jar of coconut butter.

And to those of you who think, "Well, but you logged 22.5 miles, you earned it!" - sorry folks, but do the math. I only burned about 2000 calories; add in BMR of about 1400, and you're talking an extra 3750 calories. That's a pound of fat. But then again, the body has to burn more calories with more food consumed, the run may (?) require further calories for recovery, and many other things can make that simple in/out equation change. And maybe all those calories are why my recovery was fairly quick. Anyway, I am not worried about it (shockingly), just found it pretty damned astounding when I tallied things up!

Monday, October 22

530a-2 fried eggs, 2 slices bacon, .5c sauerkraut, c reg w/ T coconut milk, supps
630a-1.5c reg
730a-2c reg w/ SF syrup
8a-2c reg
9a-2c decaf w/ Sweet n Low
11a-oz almonds
12p(restaurant)-salad (field greens, cukes, tomatoes, 6oz chicken breast) w/ 2T olive oil, 2c reg, supps
1p-bottle DDP
6p(restaurant)-salad (iceberg, cukes, raspberry vinaigrette), 8oz sirloin w/ shrooms & onions, c steamed veg (green beans, carrots, broccoli)
730p-supps
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Today is day 1 of working on fat loss goals with Steve. 1700 calories daily, ~100g carbs daily.

Quite cold, hungry, tired at 11a and again at 5p. Otherwise fine.

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 915p-530a.

Body: AM pulls 3x2. PM pulls 3x4. Lower legs & feet are still tight, but nothing unexpected. Shins still hurt to touch. Sat all day, at IMA conference.

Brain: Better thanks to emails from Dustin & Heather. Calm intelligent people who help me to keep perspective. Still not my usual self, but was able to talk to Mom about it without crying. That's a change!

Sunday, October 21

7a-c reg, supps
3p-3oz chicken, c spaghetti squash, salad w/ oil & vinegar, 5 MEB, can Zevia
5p-8s coconut butter
7p-2 waffles, protein pudding made w/ coconut milk, supps
Throughout day-2 quarts water

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 10p-630a. Choppy. Legs hurting. Later napped 3 hours, 1045a-145p. More solid.

Body: Stiff and sore and tight: feet, lower legs, & hip flexors.

Shins still hurt a lot if I press on them, even with gentle pressure, and hurt mildly going down stairs; no lateral knee pain down stairs, just typical long-run knee aches; weirdly, everything feels fine when climbing stairs OR if I go down backward.

Does that point to some kind of muscle imbalance? Or is that just my solution: learn to descend hills backward, problem solved?

Brain: Worried. Anxious. Wondering if I should go to James, or go back in for x-rays, or just go with rest and assume it is merely overuse. And do I sit out of the Monster Dash? Feeling helpless. Took a lot of self-control to leave Dustin alone, not think about it too much, not freak out, remember the sky isn't falling. Unfortunately, that meant no willpower left over in regards to food. I probably shouldn't have spent the day alone, but I was also not in a place to deal with people. I didn't spend all day crying or anything, but I sure didn't feel good about anything, didn't want to do anything, go anywhere, just blah. Sad. Lonely.

Saturday, October 20

615a-bag pork jerky, 3 MEB, can Zevia, supps
7a-2c reg w/ SF syrup
8a-22.51m...2/3 of 50k
During race-10ish MEB, 5s Ultima, 4 salt tabs, some HEED (I think; it was labeled water but sure didn't taste like it)
130p (post-run)-bag pork jerky
230p-2 banana slices, bag bacon jerky, 2c reg w/ SF syrup
3p-12-minute ice bath (& hot shower; Mike & Jennah rock!)
330p-2 MEB, can Zevia
6p-10oz pistachios, 2c decaf w/ SF syrup
8p-2 waffles w/ lots of coconut butter
915p-5 MEB, bag pork jerky, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 945-615. Solid until 4 or so, then woke often. Excitement plus a terrible bed. (With no comforter!)

Body: Upon waking, stiff achey feet, and back to sore left ankle. Fine once I was moving. Until shin & knee pains stopped me, I was having a truly fantastic race. 12:16 pace. Fuck you, body!

Brain: AM: Ready to run. Thinking of how far I have come in 5 months. Grateful. PM: Thinking I am right back to where I was 7 months ago. Hell, 4 years ago. So frustrated. Where do I sign up for amputation?

Quote:
So so sorry. I know you are probably really beating yourself up right now but once you are done with that...remember how far you came in the past 6 months. Crazy to think you just ran 20 freaking miles on hard trails! You are still Wonder Woman and don't ever forget that!
-Lisa Timmerman, best running buddy in the WORLD

Friday, October 19

530a-2 fried eggs, 2s chicken sausage, MEB, oz cinnamon almonds, c reg, supps
730a-almond milk latte
8a-Americano w/ SF syrup
11a-bag pork jerky, oz cinnamon almonds, supps
1230p-2oz cinnamon almonds
230p-6T coconut butter, can Zevia
430p-bag pumpkin seeds, bottle caffeine free diet Pepsi
730p-salad w/ strawberry balsamic, 9oz steak, crispy red potatoes
9p-supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a,very solid.

Body: Outer right ankle annoyed. Ignoring it.

Brain: Great other than a little bit more anxiety eating.

Spending most of the day at NSS was a very smart choice. As I left, I felt a massive dose of gratitude that I am even able to START tomorrow's 50k. So grateful.

Thursday, October 18

6a-2 fried eggs, c sauerkraut, chicken sausage, micro cake, .5s spicy sweet almonds, c reg, supps
645a-s spicy sweet almonds, almond milk latte
730a-Americano w/ SF syrup
1015a-coconut flakes w/ Sunbutter, can Zevia
12p-personal training
130p-salad w/ oil & vinegar, oz almonds, med banana, supps
630p-salad w/ avocado & pepitas & vinegar, 6.5oz spicy sweet almonds, T coconut butter, samples of new MEB batch, pint Arctic Zero w/ few crushed almonds/cashews, supps
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Sleep: In bed 8 hours, 915-515. Solid, woke w/o alarm. 2 Benadryl again, due to coffee w/ supper.

Body: All-over achey getting out of bed, but great once moving. But right on track, outer right ankle (tendon?) hurt for a bit this morning. I said it last week, and I'll say it again: taper week is a gigantic mind-fuck! At least I'm able to recognize that's all it is.

Brain: Pretty good. Funny: when I posted this morning on FB that today was my last day of work for the week...that's not quite right, as I am working at NSS tomorrow. But I don't think of it was work, really; I think of it as fun! I wish my TS job would feel that great again.

Had a nice convo with Lisa about T&S weekend, me confessing that I was feeling ugly & fat next to her all weekend, and her admitting to overheating on a run but being unwilling to shed her jacket because of my upper back. I mean, seriously. Aren't we all just a bunch of idiots?! How do we stop thinking this way and just have fun?

50k: Pre-race anxiety mostly avoided (except for supper eating), and now it's time to think logistics! Directions & hotel reservations, making race food, getting directions for Amy, planning clothing, writing up some thoughts on DailyMile, etc. Okay, that last thing was not necessary - yet it was. I have to remember to take time to be grateful I can even start this race, never mind how it actually goes.

I revisited my race write-up from last year. My biggest take-away:
What would 2009 Sabrina do if she heard you say you wanted to quit? She'd punch you in the god damn throat is what she'd do. Then she'd steal your shoes and finish this thing!


Also? I think I found something to put on my 5-year goal list: Voyageur Quest Stage Race - 105.2 miles on the Superior Hiking Trail, done over 4.5 days (mileage = 2.5 + 28.9 + 23.6 + 35 + 16.2). Like the Train & Stay, but on HGH. Pretty damned insane, but that's just the kind of thing that belongs on a BHAG list.

Here's a place I can start: Duluth Trail Festival.

Wednesday, October 17

5a-protein pudding (s protein, s coconut milk), c reg, supps
6a-c reg w/ T coconut milk
630a-taught class, did warmup only
8a-2c reg
930a-coconut flakes & Sunbutter, 2c half-caff
1030a-c reg
1245p-can tuna, salad w/ balsamic, .5oz almonds, 2c decaf, supps
415p-.5oz almonds
7p (restaurant)-salad (baby carrot, 2 cuke slices, grape tomato, handful iceberg, eating around the dressing...lame), bacon-wrapped chicken breast w/ sauce, c green beans, plain baked potato, 3c reg (was so chilly I didn't care whether reg or decaf)
815p-supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a. Solid, woken by alarm. 2 Benadryls. Bitchin!

Body: AM pulls 3x3. PM pulls 3x2. Feeling very good; no aches or pains getting out of bed! Digestion still a bit screwy, but it's normalizing. Wanted to do mobility at noon, but too much work to do. Bleah. (Ok, so part of that is because of my Friday PTO, but still: bleah.)

Very hungry and cold at 1130a - felt as if I were fasting. Sat 3.5 hours in meetings.

Brain: Doing great, aimless though I may be. Went through a training about using Inspirada and I was still at a loss. I couldn't think about career at all. I focused on physical, and even for that, I could only think in terms of "now through Boston" and nothing beyond that, really. Lame.

Tuesday, October 16

6a-fried egg, chicken sausage, cauli-browns, c reg w/ T coconut milk, supps
730a-3c reg w/ T coconut milk
945a-bag pork jerky, 2c half-caff
1130a-personal training
1230p-bag Cholula jerky, oz almonds, can Zevia, supps
345p-coconut flakes & Sunbutter, c chicken broth*
6p-6oz chicken, c spaghetti squash, supps
Throughout day-3.5 quarts water

*This is my world: (1) Someone stashes a jar of liquid in "my" snack drawer. (2) I immediately recognize it as homemade bone broth from Joy. (3) I have to stop myself from literally squealing with delight upon finding it! And just in case you're wondering, (4) it's damn delicious.

Sleep: 9 hours in bed, 845p-545a. Took a bit to fall asleep, but damn solid once I did. Thank you, 2 Benadryl and no husband! Probably could have slept longer, but even princesses gotta get up and get shit done.

Body: PM pulls 3x2. Aching feet and left Achilles upon waking, but all else was FINE already. Now that is speedy recovery! Both Achilles/calves stayed tight, but nothing to worry about.

Digestive system is moving again thanks to senna tea, but it's now at the opposite end of the spectrum (to the point where I had to stop at the gas station in Osakis - 5 minutes after I left home)! Be very careful with that stuff, folks. It's more effective & powerful than the POTUS, I'm telling you.

Really tired about 5pm on my drive home. Nothing imperative to do at home, so I sat my ass on the couch with kitties & the DVR. Justified since tomorrow night I'll be at an LAPW event & home late.

Brain: So much better. Sleep has worked some serious magic - like it always does.

NCP meeting with Steve to drop calories a bit today/tomorrow (to 1700) then back to eating by feel to fuel up for the 50k, through Sunday recovery. Starting Monday of next week, drop to 1700 daily, and drop out 25g carbs, which means getting down to about 100g per day. Shouldn’t be too difficult, really just means no micro cakes and the like. Also means I have to be sure to cook up a big stash of healthy goodness on Sunday – whether or not I feel like I was hit by a train. After that week, he’s going to play with carb cycling. Half yay (for fat loss) and half ugh (for restriction) – I will just have to keep my mind on the goal.

While talking to Steve this morning, I said “So many goals, so little time” and then paused and thought about the “so little time” part of that. Really? What timeline am I working on? Is there a certain date I need to be “skinny” by? No. Foolishness.

And elsewhere in the convo with him, and with Dustin while training, some reflectiond on the difficulty of holding the big picture perspective when faced with adversity of some kind, be it an injury or just a bad day of training. It’s hard to remember, especially in the thick of it, but it’s ALL temporary – the bad stuff and the good stuff. All you have is RANOW. If it's bad right now, see if there are any obvious reasons things went off track, reset yourself, and move forward by avoiding those derailments. Furthermore, you only look back long enough to find learning points - you leave everything else (disappointment, hurt, rage, whatever) right there in the past.

And we all forget that even the good stuff is temporary – but the good stuff should be held in your memories and revisited often. I have a very strong tendency to look at my TC marathon photo and think, defeatedly, that I’m not that same person: I’m slower, I’ve DNFd, I've DNSd, I've failed at other things, I’ve suffered more injuries, I weigh 15lbs more, etc. But while those things may be true I AM STILL THE PERSON IN THAT PHOTO. I am still the person who qualified for Boston. Who won a 10k. Who won a 5k. Who ran a 50k. Who hit 10 consecutive pullups one year after doing my first ever pullup. Who deadlifted 225. Who benched 110. Who squatted 155. And furthermore, I still have the ability to achieve those things in the future. Maybe not today, maybe not a month from now…but I can meet or even exceed those achievements again. If I want to.

And that might be the key, that last line. Steve asked me about goals in terms of the very big picture, like 5 years from now. I didn't even have an answer. I used to have a huuuuge list of BHAGs: Copper Canyon Ultra Marathon, Western States, etc. Now I feel almost scared to make plans, because lately I have aimed too high and failed and when I fail, I fail HARD. I take it personally. I get discouraged. I don't quite give up, but I feel like I might as well. I need to learn how to fail forward.

And even after thinking about "big" goals for much of the day...I still don't have an answer. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I am struggling with the idea of doing my job forever; I am struggling with the idea of what I want to focus on post-Boston; I am struggling with defining any of this. Highly unusual for someone with such an Achiever/Perfectionist mindset. And far too close to the "old me" for comfort.

Monday, October 15

445a-2 eggs, 2 sl bacon, chicken sausage, cauli-browns, c reg, supps
545a-mini Larabar, c reg w/ 2T coconut milk
630a-taught class, did warm-up & stretches
730a-Americano w/ SF syrup
915a-2c half-caff
10a-2c half-caff
1p-can tuna, salad w/ balsamic, oz almonds, supps
3p-coconut flakes & Sunbutter, c senna tea
6p-foam roller, Stick, tennis balls
7p-3oz round steak w/ BBQ sauce, .5c asparagus w/ coconut aminos, c cauliflower w/ salsa, micro cake, supps
Throughout day-2 quarts water

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 9p-430a. Terrible quality: first I couldn't fall asleep, was at least an hour; then I woke often from 315 onward, and finally I just gave up at 430. Racing mind, rotten dreams. So so tired.

Body: AM pulls 3x1. PM pulls 3x2. Sore quads, tight left Achilles, stiff knees, tight right hip flexor. Nothing unexpected. Low back hurt in bed, but fine when up & moving. Feet were fat by end of day. And so so tired, the kind where the drive home from work sound exhausting.

Felt like puking as I ate breakfast, was half certain I would. Didn't, but the feeling came back a few times. (And stopped me from doing more pulls.) I think it was just digestive cramping, but not sure why it's pissed off again.

I wonder if the poor sleep & upset digestion are simply reactions to the massive physical stress of Train & Stay weekend. Body is acting very much like it did during tax season (stress season), which is why I'm thinking that. Of course, sleep would fix so much in the recovery process - and I'm trying to get it, but my body is being stupid!

Brain: Did I mention I am tired? So so tired. I wanted to just lay down and cry as I made breakfast. Also had a busy workday that threatened to overwhelm me a few times, but it got better as time went on.

POTD:

Eeep!

Diet Summary - NCP (work in progress)

Tracking the process

Nutrition Coaching Program - month 1
Week 1: 2089 - 1899 = 190
Week 2: 2082 - 1704 = 375
Week 3: 1761 - 1835 = -74
Week 4: 2068 - 1909 = 159
Averages for entire cycle: PROTEIN 651cal, 163g, 33% + CARBS 493cal, 123g, 25% + FAT 856cal, 95g, 43% = 2000 total cal

Nutrition Coaching Program - month 2
Week 1: 2375 - 1690 = 685
Week 2: 2432 - 1920 = 512
Week 3: 3343 - 1825 = 1518
Week 4: 2064 - 1708 = 356
Averages for entire cycle: PROTEIN 769cal, 192g, 30% + CARBS 470cal, 117g, 18% + FAT 1315cal, 146g, 52% = 2554 total cal

Nutrition Coaching Program - month 3
Week 1: 1836 - 1706 = 129
Week 2: 1843 - 1653 = 190
Week 3: 1804 - 1611 = 193
Week 4: 2121 - 1642 = 479
Averages for entire cycle: PROTEIN 630cal, 158g, 33% + CARBS 439cal, 110g, 23% + FAT 831cal, 92g, 44% = 1901 total cal

Nutrition Coaching Program - month 4
Week 1: 1804 - 1616 = 188
Week 2: 1739 - 1547 = 193
Week 3: 1604 - 1671 = (67)
Week 4: 1704 - 1607 = 96
Averages for entire cycle: PROTEIN 694cal, 173g, 41% + CARBS 342cal, 85g, 20% + FAT 677cal, 75g, 40% = 1713 total cal

Nutrition Coaching Program - month 5
Week 1: 1771 - 1549 = 222
Week 2: 1775 - 1733 = 42
Week 3: 1671 - 1686 = -14
Week 4: 2021 - 1702 = 319
Averages for entire cycle: PROTEIN 609cal, 152g, 34% + CARBS 405 cal, 101g, 22%  + FAT 754cal, 88g, 44%  = 1808 total cal

Nutrition Coaching Program - month 6
Week 1: 2229 - 1666 = 562
Week 2: 2179 - 1742 = 437
Week 3: 1746 - 1689 = 58
Week 4: (in progress)
Averages for entire cycle: PROTEIN 670cal, 168g, 33% + CARBS 606 cal, 151g, 30% + FAT 775cal, 86g, 38% = 2051 total cal

Current goal for NCP is now performance to get me to Boston. I need to fuel my running to avoid any more effing injuries. I now need to find the balance of eating enough to fuel my various training addictions without gaining weight...or, put another way: how to eat for the rest of my life.

Couple tracking notes:
-I estimate food rounded up to the nearest 25 cal. I just want a general idea here; I don't want this to consume my life anymore. Tracking intake can also help me figure out both acne and why I feel awesome or awful in daily life & training, so it's not JUST about fat loss.
-Output assumes 1425 BMR. I calc out 90 cal/mile ran, 45 cal/mile biked, and use my heart rate on lifting.
-Daily average intake - average ouput = average net
-Summary of prior cycle (on my own)


Tracking results

Goal: My top NCP goal for the first 2 months was for my nutrition to support my running.

Dig these cool charts:


Weekly totals May 7 - October 28.

Monthly totals.
Nutrition Coaching Program - month 1 victories
See the above charts, yo! Also: almost every long run was fan-fucking-tastic; recovery was speedy; nothing over a "niggle" of shin pain; sleep dramatically improved; I coped with stress a hell of a lot better (you may not have noticed, as I still did plenty o' bitching & moaning here); carb cravings dropped by the wayside almost completely; deadlifted 195x3; improved squat depth; fewer aches & pains each morning; nothing but goodness!!

Nutrition Coaching Program - month 2 victories
Benched 100# for the first time since January, body felt fantastic all of Train & Stay weekend; first 13.5 miles of the 50k felt easy peasy; post-50k recovery was extremely fast; pullup & chinup progress; handling huge stresses very very well; Monster Dash 10-mile (week after 50k) was painless and easy.

Nutrition Coaching Program - month 3 victories
Benched 105# (and easily) for the first time since January; benched 110# for the first time since January; dropped 1" on waist measurement; Dustin sees fat loss progress; I can FEEL fat loss progress; cravings quite controlled despite calorie restriction; 215# trapbar deadlift; 70# overhead press; 155# squat in crappy basement setup; fair job managing the pile of extra stress due to house purchase; facing a physical struggle with injury (shin pain nonsense) but mentally I've dealt with it pretty well (especially given my historical reactions).

Nutrition Coaching Program - month 4 victories
I can see fat loss progress, even in my belly; facing many stresses (new house, old house, preparing for promotion interviews) but dealing fairly well - except for crap sleep days; measurements were great; pull-up PR of 12 (!); 215# barbell deadlift.

Nutrition Coaching Program - month 5 victories
Moving/holiday weekend eating averaged under 2000 calories and left me craving salads; no backsliding during the holidays; a few moments where I thought, "maybe I don't need to lose fat but just buy clothes that fit better"; again facing many stresses (bad cold; year-end close at TS; return to running but behind training plan; tax season resumed; two full weeks of terrible sleep; promotion interviews) but keeping my attitude up for the most part.

Nutrition Coaching Program - month 6 victories

Long runs good so long as I'm not solo. Good attitude through work stress (audit prep, then audit during close week during first week of promotion, guilt over few hours at DBB) & some pain issues. Bad attitude over body comp was rest by convo w/ Steve & his genius perspective.

Sunday, October 14

545a-2 eggs, chicken sausage, 2 MEB, 4 bacon dates, 2c reg, supps
715a-5.02m run
During run-2s Ultima
830a (post run)-2 MEB, Ultima
9a-3 sl turkey, 2 handfuls spinach, med apple, few grapes, 2c reg
1045a-bottle DCP
1245p-3/4 spirulina Raw Revolution bar, bag pork jerky, can Zevia
3p-coco-nana cake, too many T coconut butter
730p-2 eggs, cauli-browns, few strips bell peppers, few flowerets cauliflower, MEB, supps
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Serious fat cravings once I got home. Indulged, then tried to nap. Got up feeling normal again.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a. Really poor quality after 3a, but fueled myself with caffeine. Tried to nap for about an hour, but could not fall asleep. Too much caffeine! Laying flat felt good, at least.

Body: Stiff and sore. Imagine that! Specifically outer left shin, feet, low back (oh no!). Surprisingly, everything felt really good on the run, other than outer left foot getting a little strained. Again, feels like nothing serious, nothing taper week can't fix.

Brain: To start: doing great, and ready to sign up for next year's Train & Stay!! Was getting a little anxious about the 50k after yesterday's long run felt so tough on the feet and ankles; but when this morning's run with a tired body went so well, it gave me some confidence back.

Plus, that tough section yesterday was the worst of this weekend, just like last year - but didn't seem as bad during the 50k. And anyway, every race has tough spots, just gotta buckle down and survive them - they make the enjoyable parts that much better!

If it sounds like I'm trying to convince myself, it's because I am. It's one thing to pound your body into the ground surrounded by 4 of your favorite runners; it's something else entirely to do it with only the voices in your head...one of whom is awfully cruel.

Later in the day, left to my own thoughts, with that cunt chattering away, all I could think about was how ugly I feel. Fat and acneyed (shove off, I'm making that a word!) and hideous. I know that I should be celebrating this weekend's runs and feeling accomplished and strong, not hating on my face and my belly. I need to kill that bitch in my head.


How do I make her focus on this?

Saturday, October 13

6a-2 scrambled eggs, mini energy bar (MEB), chicken sausage, 2 bacon dates, 2c reg, supps
730a-11.49m run
During run-3s Ultima, 2 MEB, salt tab
1030a(post run)-MEB, 2 Larabars, salt tab
1115a-10 minute ice bath, shivering the whole time
1215p-salad w/ balsamic, 3 sl turkey, 5 bacon dates, few grapes, med apple, 2c reg, supps
2p-4 Heatherbars, can Zevia
4p-s Ultima
430p-5.25m run
530p(post run)-Larabar, s Ultima
545p-10 minute ice bath
7p-2 fried eggs, 2 sl turkey, salad w/ balsamic, med apple, supps
8p-c decaf tea
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 915p-515a.

Body: Really good, except my digestive system, which seems to hate the Heatherbars. First run was quite technical but went well. About 7/8 miles in, technicality got extra challenging due to fatigue, wet slippery rocks, and wet slippery shoes. Few near-falls, but I stayed upright and injury free!

Tried to nap 115-2p, gave up. Probably shouldn't have had that coffee. But it was hot and delicious!

Second run was super strong. Bit of a strain on outside of right foot but not too concerned.

Acne: Reacting to something. WHAT?! I haven't eaten out, I haven't indulged in fucking ANYthing. Unless somehow something was "contaminated" which wouldn't surprise me.

Out of the ordinary in the past few days: pork jerky; brown sugar jerky; bacon dates; Joy's pumpkin pie; Heatherbars. So again: WHAT?! At least if I ate something amazing like pumpkin cheesecake I could semi-justify it.

Well, no, not true. Nothing is worth the trade-off. I am thankful my reactions are not more serious, but it's pretty painful to hate your own face. Which I did, all weekend, which took some of the fun out of the grand adventure.

What also took some of the fun away was having to bring and make almost all of my food. I didn't expect them to meet all my requirements by any means, but it gets exhausting and feels unfair that I'm always making all this effort and still having reactions. Incredibly frustrating.

Brain: Did have a few moments on morning run where I wondered how the fuck I will be able to do the 50k without Dustin's presence (& chatter) to keep me going.

The answer is: I just will. I don't need anyone else to get me through it; I have ME.

Friday, October 12

7a-2 fried eggs, 2 sl bacon, s chicken sausage, c cauli-browns, micro cake, oz cashews, c reg, supps
10a-2c reg w/ SF syrup
1115a-bag brown sugar jerky, can Zevia, supps
2p-4s pumpkin seeds, can Zevia
5p-bag pork jerky
545p-4.58m run
630p-10 minute ice bath
730p-fried egg, chicken sausage, salad, 2 Heatherbars, supps
Throughout day-4 quarts water

Supp note: doubled fish oil Fri to Sun.

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 10p-630a. Wow I didn't know I could sleep that late! Woke at 415a for bathroom, but otherwise super solid. Awesome.

Body: AM pulls 2x5. Noon pulls 2x5. All is feeling great. First run felt fantastic. Easy peasy!!

Brain: PTO from TS. Work at NSS. And then: Train and Stay, baby! Need I say more?

Thursday, October 11

545a-2 fried eggs, 5 chicken sausage, 2 sl bacon, micro cake, c reg, supps
7a-almond milk latte w/ cinnamon
10a-2 bacon dates, 2oz almonds, Americano w/ SF syrup
12p-personal training
130p-6oz chicken, c spaghetti squash, can DCC, supps
215p-7.5oz can DC
630p-salad w/ oil & vinegar, c cauli-browns, 5 bacon dates, few Heatherbars, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 9p-530a. Solid. Bliss.

Body: PM pulls 2x5.

First off: Left hip is aching. Bottoms of feet hurt. Shins hurt. Go to hell, taper week! Biggest mind-fuck evah.

But good once I was moving more, and session felt excellent. Easy peasy. Left glute a little weird again late in day.

Brain: Doing pretty well. Heather made me special treats for this weekend. So delicious. Love.

Got to see the hubster yet again this morning. After I left him alone to fully wake up & stop being cranky, it was nice to chat with him.

Hectic day at work and semi-frustrating, especially a minor-but-last-minute payroll crisis. But I survived and got out on time and am ready for vacation!!

Once home I was quite snacky due to Heather's tasty treats. After an overly snacky morning besides: ARGH again. Oh well, I shall be fueled to RUN!!

Quote:
Eat foods that make you healthier, every meal, every day. Eat foods that makes you less healthy infrequently, if at all. Eat just enough to support activity levels and goals.

Exercise. Work hard, but more importantly, work smart. Too much volume, intensity and frequency is just as bad as too little.

Recover. Devote as much effort to recovery practices as you do to exercise. This is not optional. Most fall miserably short in this category.

Sleep 8-9 hours a night, in a cool, dark room. Make time for this. You can get away with less, but only if it’s summer.

Manage your stress. Deal with it in a healthy fashion. Stress will undermine all of the above, and is perhaps the most important factor (after nutrition).

Do this, day in and day out, for years and years and years, as consistently as you can.

-Whole9 blog post

Wednesday, October 10

445a-2 fried eggs, 2 sl bacon, c asparagus w/ balsamic, mini energy bar, supps
545a-almond milk latte w/ stevia
630a-taught class, did warmup only
730a-Americano w/ SF syrup
830a-2c decaf
9a-Joy's perfect pumpkin pie, 2c half-caff
12p-mobility MANIA
1p-6oz chicken, c spaghetti squash, oz almonds, supps
630p-3oz chicken, .5c spaghetti squash, c asparagus, 1 chicken sausage, avocado pudding*, mini energy bar, supps
Throughout day-3.5 quarts water

*Whole avocado, .5c almond milk, s stevia, t cocoa, scoop protein powder, few almonds...and yum! Also way too many calories, but a good experiment.

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 845p-430a. Incredibly solid; woke naturally at 430, wide awake & rested & refreshed. Alarm was set for 5, so that was sweet! (Except for Hop, because I forgot to turn it off. Oops.)

Body: AM pulls 2x5. Noon pulls 2x5. These are feeling great; I think next week I will bump up to sets of 3. Feet quite stiff first thing, both shins with some weird tightness, left glute tight - movement improved everything, and all else is feeling very good.

Brain: Doing well. Cute new dress, a tish on the large side, thus not super snug on the belly, very flattering. It's navy, and I'm also wearing pearls (ha: first, I typed "pulls"), so I feel supah FANCY!

7-year Tastefully Simple anniversary today. Wow, how much has changed in that time. Some of you would barely recognize me. Here's a nice random comparison:
Then: 26 years old. Not into fitness at all. Just moved to West Union w/ Hop, my boyfriend of 4 years. Regularly spent too much cash at the bar a block away from my new home. Never heard of a Certified Management Accountant. Not into fashion. Never took a group fitness class. Never touched a barbell. Never done yoga. Few summers of walk-to-run programs done, but never stuck with them once it got hot. Easily (sadly) confused by "debits and credits." Loved Excel but didn't know anything complicated. Doing taxes at DBB to max out my Roth IRA each year. Missed my 5-minute commute. Read all the time, like the little Book It nerd I was in school. Just left a small company with about 20 employees, all but 2 of them men, owned by my ex's sister & BIL.

Now: 33 years old. So completely into fitness. Just put in an offer on a country house w/ Hop, my husband of 5.5 years, who now works for my ex's other sister & BIL. Don't drink. CMA for 3 years now. Clothes horse. Group Fitness Instructor. Have kissed the barbell in the squat rack in my own basement. Competed in a powerlifting meet. Have a personal trainer, and a nutrition coach. Crave yoga. Ultramarathoner and BQer who has coached others in walk-to-run programs. Dream about debits & credits. And pullups. Addicted to Excel & have taught others how to use it more efficiently, even wish I had time to become a certified QuickBooks user/teacher. Doing taxes at DBB to pay for Dustin each year. Working at NSS because I'm a nerd who loves financials, and I love that place. Still miss the 5-minute commute, but now fill the time with funny and/or interesting podcasts. Still read all the time, but wish I could read more. Miss the family-feel of a small company, but love the benefits of the large company.  So many wonderful people that I can't imagine not being in my life. Like you!
Quote:
Be your unabashed self in all the best ways that you can. Take your own strengths and superpowers and amplify them.

By not doing it, you're not only robbing the world of your awesomeness, but you'll never be able to step out and realize your full potential.

Don't try to be someone else - they'll always be better at it than you could ever dream of being. Life is way too short to be a half-assed version of something that's already out there.

-Rog Law

Tuesday, October 9

515a-2 fried eggs, 2 sl bacon, .5c sauerkraut, mini energy bar, supps
630a-almond milk latte w/ stevia
715a-2c reg
930a-coconut flakes & Sunbutter, 2c reg
12p-personal training
130p-bag brown sugar jerky, 2c roasted veg, tiny apple, can diet cherry Coke, supps
5p-2c decaf w/ SF syrup
530p-3oz steak, salad w/ oil & vinegar, mini energy bar, supps
730p-few roasted spaghetti squash seeds
Throughout day-3.5 quarts water

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 830p-5a. Turned in early due to dilated pupils. Slept like a rock for the most part. Woke a couple times in early AM but fell right back, woke naturally. Don't quite feel as rested as I "should" for that many hours, but rested enough at least.

Body: Eve pulls 2x5. Feeling pretty good. Quite chilly at 11am - much like I feel when fasting. Weird. Session felt great. Able to keep perspective on the missed bench attempts: be happy that I am even able to try these weights after such inconsistent training!

Brain: Very good. Was asked to write a testimonial as a TS employee...guess I probably shouldn't reference my blog bitching, eh? There will be a picture attached. Would you like my autograph now, or later?

Quote:
Spaceships don't have rear-view mirrors for a reason (ok, several reasons).

Treat your past experiences as the best teacher of all, but once you're done, you're done. Don't look back and expect to learn something new from constantly analyzing or "re-taking" that same class over and over and over again.

The same issues tend to keep popping up in life until the lesson is learned. If that's happening, learn it once and for all and stop the cycle so you can moonwalk forward into the rest of your life.

-Rog Law


Hmm...constantly analyzing? Sound like anyone you know?

Monday, October 8

5a-mini energy bar, c reg, supps
6a-1.25oz Cholula jerky, almond milk latte
630a-taught class (did warm-up, SL/reg wall sits, static lunges, 3rd world squats - stretch based stuff)
8a-2c reg
9a-2c reg
10-4 bacon-wrapped dates, 2oz Cholula jerky, 2c half-caff
1p-3oz salmon, c roasted veg, romaine* salad, large apple, 2 bacon-wrapped dates, supps
320p-3.57m run
415p-1 bacon-wrapped date (last one, someone had to eat it!)
530p-6oz chicken, c spaghetti squash, 2 mini energy bars (forgot supps)
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

*WOW do your tastebuds change when you cut out the crap! There was some free leftover salad at work, so I took some, and the plain raw romaine actually tasted SWEET to me. Whoa!

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 845p-445a. Slept pretty solidly, woke naturally without alarm. Nice! Quite tired about 5pm, though.

Body: AM pulls 2x5. PM pulls 2x4. Pulls are feeling super strong! Feeling really good other than digestive system. It's not happy. Too much fat?

My run felt fan-flippin-tastic. Lisa struggled a bit so I dialed it back - but there were literally times I felt like I could run backward in order to match her pace. I certainly couldn't have, of course, but I FELT like it. Yeah! Lower legs were a bit tight about 3m in.

This morning during class I desperately wanted to join in. The warm-up felt SO GOOD, no soreness or tightness from yesterday's lifting, and the class is wonderfully brutal. Left to my own devices, feeling this good would encourage me to dive in head-first into two-a-days or whatever nonsense I could devise. But now I've gained a tiny bit of wisdom from Dustin & realize that doing so would run me into the ground juuuust in time to feel like shit this weekend. It even took me a while to truly make the connection to feeling this good because I am coming off a taper week/end. I'm still regularly astounded by how very stupid my gut instincts can be.

Brain: Awesome. Hop came home for a full night of sleep last night (bet he feels fantastic today!) so I had the chance to unload a brain dump last night and am feeling a little less overwhelmed.

Gaining perspective on the eating, as well: while my brain is freaking out about potential weight gain due to all these fat cravings - if I were measuring performance, I'd be kissing Steve's feet. 100# bench? 6 road miles that felt like buttah? Come on, Sabrina! Perspective: it does a brain good.

Got a really incredible compliment from LaTresse when I wished her luck with her new position. It pretty much made my day:
You are a sweetie! Thanks for your kind words. I wish I could be around to watch you fly! The growth I have seen in you since I have known you has been AMAZING! If I ever become President of a nonprofit, I want to recruit you as my CFO! Stay true to yourself and keep giving back.

Quote:
I am tired of tight Achilles tendons and plantar fasciitis. I am no longer waiting for better conditions, a more resilient body, or relentless motivation. I am doing this!

I am the bolus of hastily chewed sustenance caught in your throat. I am out in the wind-driven rain. I am unraveled, unglued and unchecked. I am what your mother warned you about. I am safe as milk! I am a thundering herd of savage bearcats. I am the fallen weakling child with skinned knees. I am Papa, taking no mess! I am standing in the corner behind you, dancing like a fool. I AM TOUGHER THAN A BAG OF HAMMERS! I am throwing out the rule book. I am the dry, ruddy leaves underfoot. I AM AUTUMN'S DETRITUS! I am smiling and nodding in your direction, hoping we'll make it. I am done with pleasantries. I am all time wasted, brought to bear in this moment. I am not what I expected. I am what your face looked like before your grandparents were born. I am better left unsaid. I am the lost and found from some parallel universe. I am Jupiter, the great gas giant! I am deadly un-serious about this. I am stuck in my own craw. I am pulled along by the Great Magnet, step by step by step. I am determined. I AM HEALTHY MADNESS! I AM RUNNING!

I am all of this and I am none of this. Serious fucking business.

-Greg Pettito, karate poet (that's how I think of him, anyway)

Sunday, October 7

730a-2 eggs, 2 sl bacon, 2 waffles w/ SF syrup & 2T coconut butter, c reg, supps
8a-almond milk latte
930a-can Zevia
10a-powerlifting fun
1130a-omelet (3 eggs, shrooms, onions, peppers, bacon, ham, sausage), small apple, 3c reg, supps
445p-choco-PB energy bar, nut bar
630p-salad w/ oil & vinegar, 3oz chicken, c spaghetti squash, nut bar, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 10 hours in bed, 9p-7a. Woke at usual 4/5 or so (didn't look) but managed to fall back. Fantastic! Was kind of surprised I slept that long, until I remembered that my sleep hours were low this week. And of course I can see that low sleep perhaps may be a big part of all those fat cravings. Shocking...how stupid and slow I can be, that is.

Body: Slight all-over stiffness upon waking. Right elbow significantly better, feeling nothing, but still skipped pulls outside of workout (which was only 6, weighted). Trying to be wise and get one full happy day before I jump back into anything.

Lifting session was AWESOME. For whatever reason, I was craving heavy singles, maybe just because it resembled training with my PowerBuddy a year ago, so I happily indulged that craving - and it really couldn't have gone much better. Walked out feeling like Wonder Woman for the first time in ages!

Brain: Great way to start the day: seeing my husband! Made him breakfast, chatted, got some hugs, and sent him on his way to make some coin. Last paycheck? 96 hours regular and 64 hours overtime for a total of 160 hours. Jesus Aitch. I don't know how they do it.

Brunch with Amy after lifting was also very good. Nice little anxiety-related brain dump on house/finances as she is facing many of the same concerns, but walked out with the mind trained to think "It will all work out." rather than "How the fuck will this all work out?!"

Saturday, October 6

530a-2 eggs, venison patty, c roasted veg, some homemade nut bar, c reg, supps
630a-almond milk latte
7a-5.96m run
8a-Americano w/ SF syrup
945a-2 eggs, slice ham, many c reg
1230p-remaining nut bar, venison patty, supps
4p-bag pork jerky, Uberbar, salad w/ oil & vinegar, oz cashews
7p-3oz salmon, 4T coconut butter (cashew flavored and PHENOM), oz cashews, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Ate a bigger breakfast to see how it sat in belly during the run, and it was all good.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a. Took ages to fall asleep, but was solid & woke naturally before alarm. Felt mostly rested but still a little bit tired. Got VERY tired about 8pm today.

Body: Bottoms of feet sore upon waking. Weird. Run felt good, though, really enjoyed it! No pullups today, right elbow is bugging. A lot.

Brain: Incredibly snacky but otherwise good. Really struggled not to eat All Damn Day. Cravings were completely out of hand. Why?!

Many good accomplishments today: got to briefly see Hop at 630a before I left (when he popped home to shower and nap), solid run, coffee w/ Lisa, brunch w/ Joy & Alana, cat litter, some laundry, dishes, refilled bird feeders, cleaned bathroom (including ceiling, to be painted tomorrow), watched some TV shows, organized books, installed new toilet seat, made slow-cooker chicken & RoTel and spaghetti squash - also made some fun purchases: 30lb kettlebell, snacks for Hop, a neat moisture-absorbing dealio for the bathroom (which has no fan), de-oderizer for the basement (which is smelling like a litter box)...

Wait, I was talking about fun things, wasn't I? Well, purchases based on house-selling is fun. Though I am also packed with anxiety about the idea of listing and showing our place, affording the new place, the moving process, oh my god HOW will all this possibly happen?

While not really conscious of this anxiety throughout the day...I wonder if that is partly to blame for the cravings?

Friday, October 5

515a-2 fried eggs, .5c sauerkraut, venison patty, coconutty micro cake, c reg, supps
630a-c reg w/ bit of coconut butter
730a-Americano w/ SF syrup
915a-Awesomesauce, 2c decaf w/ stevia
115p-3oz salmon, .5c roasted veg, Uberbar, 2c decaf, supps
630p-bag pork jerky, 5oz mixed nuts, supps
Throughout day-3.5 quarts water

I know that my NCP goal is to "eat by feel" but I am not feeling capable of that yet...I don't trust that my cravings and my true hunger signals are in sync. For example, I have a box of unopened toaster waffles in my freezer. They're only 110 calories and I know they will taste delicious to my restricted tastebuds  - but since carbs have historically led to ZOMG CARBS, I fear that eating even one might lead me to eating six. So there they sit, unopened. I'm not even craving them (I seriously just crave fat lately) but the idea that I don't trust myself to open them makes me feel pathetic and weak.

What I'm doing to "eat by feel" - plotting out my day with all the good stuff, but then if I finish supper and am craving something, I'll indulge. Since my indulgences can't be crap sources (usually nuts / coconut butter / micro cake), I know this is okay. But I wish I could do this without planning / plotting / obsessing. And I wish my fat cravings would calm down.

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 830p-5a. A two-Benadryl night to be sure sleep was solid (knew Hop would come home at some point, didn't want to wake me up) and to hopefully speed up bee sting healing. It worked on the first count, as I slept like a damn rock. Woke around 4/430, dozed until I felt solidly awake, which was 5 on the dot. Woot!!

Body: AM pulls, 2x3. PM pulls, 2x3. Feeling good. Bottoms of feet were the only tight spots when I got up. Given yesterday's deadlifts, that is most excellent! Forearms slightly sore, especially right. Rest day, as planned. Not a mental challenge when it's so windy out! Low back started to bug about 1pm but fine after I went to NSS & sat.

This week I tried something new on casual days - I did not wear my usual jeans that are too tight and make me look fat. I wore my "denim trousers" yesterday, and my "skinny" jeans today (ironically, these are larger in waist/hips than my usual jeans) - so I don't feel like a sausage. Brain is doing much better!

Brain: Doing well. Just ONE day to survive before the weekend, I can do eet! While I did not actually get to talk with Hop, or even see him - I was asleep when he came home, he was asleep when I left - it makes me happy to know he finally got to sleep in his own bed. I know he gets to catch short naps here & there, but they are in the seat of a semi, not ever laying flat, and never for a long chunk of time. I don't know how those guys do it. However, I do know why they do it: today's paycheck was TWICE as big as the last one. That helps mitigate the loneliness a little bit.

Left TS at 3pm. Prepared for 5pm, this felt like a huge win!!

Flights booked for Boston! $430 each, ouch. On the other hand, mom took care of getting them, which I really appreciated.

House offer accepted by the seller. But that was expected - it's really Wells Fargo that needs to agree, and that's a big ol' question mark...

Cute story: Lisa's 3rd kiddo, Carter, spends a bit of time here Friday morning, waiting for preschool to start at 9. Usually it drives me half-crazy, as he's very talkative & his voice just sounds kind of whiny - but this morning I was fond of him. Lisa was pointing at colors and asking him what they were, and on brown, his answer was "chocolate." Even *I* couldn't help laughing out loud at that one!

Thursday, October 4

515a-2 fried eggs, venison sausage patty, .5c sauerkraut, 2T coconut butter, c reg, supps
645a-c reg w/ stevia
745a-Americano w/ SF syrup
930a-Larabar, 2c decaf
12p-personal training
130p-Awesomesauce, bag Cholula jerky, supps
3p-2c tea
545p-.5s coconut flakes
630p-salad w/ avocado & oil & vinegar, 3oz steak, s coconut butter, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Legit hunger pangs at 1230p (VERY weird) and at 530p (not weird). But serious fat cravings, specifically coconut flakes / coconut butter / nuts. Why? Also craved a pop mid-afternoon. Not for the caffeine, just something besides water. Had tea instead, but it was a very forced effort.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a. Choppy but no more weird dreams, feeling fairly rested. At least, I was rested until my drive to NSS, when I started listening to a podcast on sleep and could NOT stop yawning! Ha. I turned it off and am really only linking it so I can read the transcript later instead.

Body: All-over stiff first thing, including low back, but fine once I got moving. Digestive system is still "off" and I don't know what the deal is. (Improved throughout the day.) Session = AWESOME. Enough new/change that I pretty much had no chance to get anxious about deadlifts and they felt excellent. Thumbs were whiny little bitches immediately afterward though. Slightest back annoyance late afternoon, but not bad, and perhaps more related to work stress. Bee sting just a faint pink now, but still itchy.

Big bright spot: Heather telling me I "must be doing deadlifts" because my ass is looking good. Everyone needs a friend who will compliment their ass, amiright?

Brain: Doing okay. Loooong busy work day. Seeking the balance of how late to work, which really is how much I want done today vs left for tomorrow vs unforeseen work that will magically appear tomorrow vs how early I want to get up tomorrow vs I definitely don't want to be here past 5 on a Friday so I guess I should plan to be here until at least 530/6 today vs I am getting paid for 40 hours but will probably work 48 vs the longer I stay the worse my attitude gets!

As I talked to Lisa last night about how much work I have to do in October, I got a little panicky! Then remembered that I thought the same about September, and survived. Somehow, I will also survive October. And I will survive by saying NO to some things: sitting out of the Fall Social, knowing I couldn't eat anything (and didn't want to, at 330p - what the hell?) and would be unable to enjoy "team time" due to fretting over my never-ending work pile; skipping an evening farewell party for a coworker that I might regret later but simply wasn't feeling up to attending tonight; or like when I realized that with canceled races, I could volunteer at the TC marathon, but that means I wouldn't be at home cleaning & de-cluttering like I need to be, and this is pretty much my only real chance to get that stuff done until November.

Somehow the cold weather feels good to me. As coworkers came in this morning they kept saying it felt like winter out there and I was wondering if I work with a bunch of sissies or what - because I didn't think it was that bad! So I checked the weather and it was actually 36F (with high winds) - so maybe I'll survive winter okay!

Quote: Rog Law is on FIRE this week!
Life isn't a zero-sum game. Just because someone looks like they're running through life with a cheat code enabled and is winning extra hard doesn't mean that you're losing.

There's enough out there for everyone to win. Promise.

Whenever you have the chance, use whatever powers or influence or super sweet skills that you have to help someone else level up their life.

When they when, you win, and we all win.

-Rog Law

Pic of the day: Wild Duluth 50k elevation profile.

Bring it on!

Wednesday, October 3

515a-bag Cholula jerky, Uberbar, c reg, supps
6a-c reg
630a-taught class, did warm-up & some sets of pulls
730a-2 Reese's Pieces, 2c reg
930a-s coconut flakes w/ s Sunbutter
12p-mobility mania w/ Joy
1p-Awesomesauce, small apple, 1.5oz almonds, 2c decaf, supps
515p-3.1m walking hills w/ Lisa & Baby Mac
715p-4oz round steak, c roasted veg, micro cake topped w/ coconut butter, oz macadamia nuts, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 830p-5a. But it took forever to fall asleep (racing brain, cats weird), I woke often, and at one point I dreamed about Jack (the friend who died in March) and woke up bawling. I have no idea what prompted that, but it sucked balls. I did keep falling back asleep each time, but the alarm jarred me awake (ugh) - yet somehow despite all of that I do feel rested. I'm worried about getting slammed soon, though.

Body: AM pulls, 2x6. PM pulls, 2x4. Some lower-leg stiffness upon rising; a little tightness from squats during class warm-up, but better than normal. Upper back/lats tight (pulls, bench). All else feels excellent! Digestive system is a little off today, weirdly. Feeling okay, but I wonder if it's a result of the poor sleep? Red bee sting area is now larger, and itchy, but the swelling is down, so I think I'll survive. I got stabbed AGAIN today though - flu shot time.

Mobility session with Joy was lovely. I had debated a run (knowing we'd only be walking tonight) but when Joy emailed offering mobilibuddy services, I took it as a sign. Low back bugged a bit in the afternoon. I blame work stress & the terrible posture because of it. Walk was excellent.

Brain: Work day blew chucks; made error after error. Pretty sure my computer heard "Fuck!" at least a dozen times. It made me snacky - frustration always makes me snacky! I resisted, but just barely.

Boo: Racing special for this weekend has been postponed 1 week due to weather. Now it will be on Train & Stay weekend. Bastards!

Acne: Having small reaction...I'm blaming the Italian dressing last week at the LAPW meeting. I know it has soybean oil & probably corn syrup - so why the fuck do I take it? It's not even a food that could be remotely considered worth it. I need to remember to bring my own balsamic. Stupid.

Quote:
The only difference between TRY and TRIUMPH is a little UMPH.
-Unknown

Recipe: Apple Pie Filling

In a little dish, mix up:
-1/8c sugar-free syrup
-half scoop vanilla protein powder
-teaspoon Warm It Up mulling spice
(might be a little chunky, no worries)

Into a bowl, dice an apple. Microwave it until soft. I did 2 minutes, which left the top bits with a leetle crunch & the bottom bits quite soft.

Pour the sauce over the "baked" apple and stir to coat thoroughly. Your sauce will smooth out with this gentle heat.

Boom.

You now have a tasty protein-y low-calorie version of apple pie filling. And, super bonus, a tasty protein-y low-calorie way to approximate caramel!

Made as above, filling only:
80 calories, 10g protein, 8g carbs, 1g fat

Variations: stevia or other low/no-cal sweetener, plus cinnamon, if you don't have old TS products hanging around your house. Other flavored protein powders would work too. Use any variation of syrup depending on your caloric needs.

This recipe was inspired by my promise to Holea (a straight-out lie, at the time) that I would bring her apple pie tomorrow, made from Dustin's apples. I decided to challenge myself and semi-fulfill that promise - easy peasy!

Tuesday, October 2

445a-2 fried eggs, c roasted veg, venison patty, c decaf, supps
615a-decaf almond milk latte
7a-2c reg
9a-2c reg
10a-2 tiny apples, oz almonds, 2c half-caff
12p-personal training
130p-c roasted veg, 3oz steak, oz almonds, can DCC, supps
630p-salad w/ oil & vinegar, apple pie treat, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Hungry about 330/4p, but was at Impact Alexandria & couldn't eat. It was a good reminder that hunger pangs can be tolerated; they go away.

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 9-430. Woke often in early AM, woke naturally around 4/415a and couldn't fall back. Gave up when Clyde walked across me. Felt rested though. Around 5pm started feeling fairly tired, decided going to bed early would be a priority.

Body: PM pulls, 2x4. Achey feet, tight left Achilles first thing. That's it! Everything felt good in session; felt like squats were nice and loooow. Stood at Impact Alex, had zero desire to sit for that long. Did some foot/ankle mobility, calf raises, single-leg raises & balancing...every minute a productive minute! Also, got stung by a bee for the third time in my life. The first two times were within a week of each other. Wonder if I have another one to look forward to soon?

Brain: Had a long leisurely breakfast to start the day off gently, due to sleep. Pressure of Impact Alex was rough, knowing it was going to kill half of a busy day. Also kind of disappointed by poor showing with bench session, but need to get over it - I'm just out of practice, and I have nowhere to go but up!

Funny thing about the Impact Alex topic...when I think about goals in fitness or in finances, I have tons of ideas, tons of ambitions. But in terms of career? I'm...aimless. Maybe that's why I haven't been enjoying my job as much lately. It's no longer a dream job - and yes, it was once. However, I don't know what WOULD be my dream job. Thus I'm putting the Inspirada Dreams process onto my to-do list. Time to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

The thing that struck me the most from the speaker was the idea that we often overestimate what we can do in one year, but underestimate what we can do in five years. Similar concept in the book The Happiness Project: the days are long, but the years are short.

Quote:

The Grind.

The day in and day out. The point during which whatever you're doing sucks dinosaur balls and you're frustrated by the slow progress and the monotony of it all.

Keep going.

...

Everyone who has done anything worth doing has run into the exact same grind and come out on the other side.

The good thing is that it doesn't have to be as bad as it seems. Come up for air every now and then. Instead of waiting for a huge payoff in the end, find ways to treat yo'self along the way.

Do whatever you have to do to KEEP GOING and push through. I triple pinky promise (where did the 3rd pinky come from?) that it will be worth it.

-Rog Law

Monday, October 1

530a-bag Cholula jerky, c reg, supps
6a-Larabar, c reg w/ stevia
630a-taught class, did warm-up & some stretching
8a-Americano w/ SF syrup
10a-Uberbar, 2c half-caff
115p-Awesomesauce, c roasted veg, tiny apple, oz almonds, supps
4p-med apple, oz almonds, bag Cholula jerky
7p-salad w/ oil & vinegar, oz macadamia nuts, supps
Throughout day-3.5 quarts water

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 845p-5a. Very choppy; up at 12a for bathroom, woke often from weird dreams in AM. Felt fairly rested, though.

Body: AM pulls 1x2 (just plain forgot...Mondays, whattayagonnado) PM pulls 2x2 (not home til late).Tight left Achilles. Class warm-up felt good. Was debating a noon run since I felt better than I did yesterday morning - but then I chatted with Lisa a bit & looked back - and realized it was high time for a full rest day.

As of yesterday I trained 9 straight days, 9/22 to 9/30, and logged 44.86 whopping miles. That's a shit-ton for me; no wonder the weekend didn't feel good - I was an idiot to think it would! Anyway, to make the Train & Stay feel awesome, the key will be plenty of rest and recovery until Friday the 12th. Must keep repeating that to myself...

Brain: Started out a little tired, little disappointed about the weekend, not too excited for the crazy time at work, just rather MEH. Once I realized the above, that I felt this way because I basically just ran myself into the ground in the past week, and that was essentially the damn goal - I cheered up & felt better.

Got an even bigger mental boost when I realized this: the last time I ran 30 miles in 7 days was when I was "trying" to train for Boston back in March, and broke myself.

This time, I am not injured.

Do the wave!

Offer is officially in on that house. Cross your fingers that Sabrina can soon be a dog-owning, neighbor-less, happy little Hoppe!