Sunday, September 30

8a-2 fried eggs, chicken sausage, c sauerkraut, micro cake, 2c reg w/ stevia, supps
1045a-2 Uberbars
1115a-2.94m hill work
2p-some peas & cauliflower w/ salsa
315p-Awesomesauce, macadamias, coconut butter, Uberbar, supps
645p-venison patty, c roasted veg, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 1115p-745a. Pretty solid, though in/out in last hours.

Body: Pulls throughout day, 2x6. Tightness in Achilles, hip flexors, but pretty minor and FAR better than last week. Bit of the all-over fatigue feeling. Run initially felt awful so I didn't push, just did the easy hill version instead.

Brain: Feeling a bit "meh" in morning, probably due to fatigue. Worse in afternoon, very snacky. Ugh. Should have napped. Came out of it, though; normally it would just continue unabated until Monday, so that was a little victory.

Weekend food prep:
-6 salads (cauliflower, sugar snap peas, bell peppers, kale, carrots)
-bunch of roasted vegetables (cauliflower leaves & innards, bok choy, braising greens, spinach, pasnips, kale, bell pepper, mushrooms, curry powder)
-breakfast sausage patties (venison w/ "my" awesome seasoning recipe)
-bunch of round steak

Saturday, September 29

615a-2s pumpkin seeds, c reg, supps
7a-2T Sunbutter, almond milk latte, s Ultima, salt tab
8a-4.25m run, solo
845a-.5s pumpkin seeds, salt tab
9a-12.19m run/walk w/ Lisa
during-3s Ultima, 3s BCAAs, 2 salt tabs
1230p-s Ultima, can Zevia, salt tab, Uberbar, bag pork jerky, 1.5s pumpkin seeds, 2oz roasted cashews, s honey stingers, .5 bottle DCP
130p-Uberbar, 3T coconut butter, supps
2p-2-hour nap
4p-.5 bottle DCP
6p-8oz steak, .5c Brussels sprouts, c roasted veg, pint Arctic Zero w/ raspberries, supps
Throughout day-2 quarts water

Sleep: In bed 9 hours, 9p-6a. Very solid; the alarm woke me!

Body: Glutes sore. Once again: THANKS A LOT DUSTIN. First part of the run went well despite the soreness; didn't feel like it was affecting anything. I take back the screaming. We're cool, Chief.

Around 12/13 miles, though, I began to spiral down. I feel like it was a combo of things: (1) too MANY electrolytes (3 bottles Ultima/1 water vs the usual 2/2, and more salt tabs as well) not balanced by enough pure water (total cotton mouth; almost all I could think about was ice water!); (2) the sudden heat when it's supposed to be 30 GD degrees cooler; and (3) I probably need to concede I am not as fat-adapted as I want to be, since I fell apart in the same range (12/13m, 2ish hours) as I did last week.

However, walking it out allowed me to finish feeling quite good, considering - so I suspect I actually could have ran it out without cramps/injury - but I know I would have felt like ass, much like last week. I feel wise like an owl, saving the body a bit for tomorrow's hills. The shortened recovery was the primary goal of this binge weekend, not "miles at any cost" - so I am still accomplishing that. And I'm learning more about what to do for both T&S and 50k weekends, just learning it the harder way.

Brain: You can see by my post-run eating that I was unable to keep from eating e.v.e.r.y.thing I had brought with (almost...I avoided 1 Sunbutter packet...but only because I bought cashews when I stopped for water). But post-nap, things were back under control and I ate for health again. And gained perspective as I wrote up the runs and realized how much I had learned from the morning. Good stuff. Hit water and veggies and protein like it was my job!

Also, the hubster (who worked 7a Thursday to 8p Friday), got to come home for a full night of sleep (!) last night, so I got to feel like a good little wife, making him breakfast, promising to make homemade breakfast-to-go items this weekend, and agreeing to shop for snacks and deliver w/ a meal at supper tonight. But when I called after my run, he said he expects to work overnight and be home tomorrow AM - then be done pumping for a few days. Hooray!

And? Next weekend's running deload sounds like it might be a good time to hike Inpiration Peak. I bet it will be beautimonius.

Friday, September 28

530a-2 fried eggs, chicken sausage, cabbage wedge, energy bar, c reg, supps
630a-almond milk latte w/ stevia
730a-Americano w/ SF syrup
930a-Joybar, 2c half-caff
1015a-Joybar, 2c half-caff
130p-4oz carnitas, c roasted veg, Joybar can Zevia
4p-2.72m trail run
515p-2c raw veg w/ oil & vinegar, 2 energy bars, s seeds, supps
7p-Arctic Zero & PB2 (aka, closest I can get to a Butterfinger Blizzard)
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9-5. Woke in early AM for bathroom, tossed & turned for a long while before falling back (no idea on time, didn't look, guessing 3am-ish, and blaming late eating) - but was solid when I did. Had an awful dream, though, before waking. Yeesh. Woke naturally at 450, dozed for 20 minutes just to see if I might fall back, but couldn't.

Body: AM pulls 2x4. PM pulls 2x4. Usual aches upon first steps outta bed, bonus soreness in upper back (pulls? pushups? - but mild) and glutes (not mild, and from banded walks, and THANKS A LOT, DUSTIN) but otherwise really good.

Brain: Excellent, considering low-quality sleep and work stress to start the day.

Early on, I reconciled myself to this novel idea: mental stress is not much different on the body than physical stress. So I decided that if this work day went to shit (I spent most of the morning assuming that post-Steve I would need to return to TS, then go back to NSS late in the day) then I would NOT run trails tonight as planned. I theorized that the mental stress PLUS the run (though short & on trails) would cause more stress than I truly needed. I am only trying to replicate like 2/3 of Train & Stay stresses this weekend, no need to push beyond that. I feel like that mental realization deserves a couple gold stars!

I spent over half an hour talking with Heather, and while part of my brain was busy screaming at me to GET BACK TO WORK, it was very bucket-filling to have a normal, friendly conversation about things and get back to "us" again.

And then? I somehow got my shit done and was able to stay gone all afternoon. Hooray!! I guess I can be uber-productive when the deadlines are slamming me.

Met with Steve: Body comp progress has been made! Interesting since that is not the goal right now. He did not provide details (I don't want them), and part of me is saying "Eh, I hadn't had much water yet, I had not just trained, different day and time" - so I am not actually putting a whole lot of stock into it, not getting too worked up or excited.

The main thing is that  running has been going pretty GD fantastic - which obviously is the goal at this time. I need to add 1-2 s dark leafy greens (bok choy, spinach, chard, kale, etc) per day which will be SUPER easy (simply add greens to my raw veg, and more to my roasted veg). As for calories, I am to eat by feel. Maintain what I have been doing when it feels good, eat more when warranted. Next meeting will be Monday after T&S, for an hour.

Thursday, September 27

515a-2 fried eggs, chicken sausage, wedge cabbage, c reg, supps
630a-almond milk latte
745a-Americano w/ SF syrup
930a-homemade energy bar
12p-personal training
130p-Awesomesauce, oz almonds, can DCC, supps
530p-can tuna, 2c raw veg, tiny apple, .5oz almonds
8p-half s sunflower seeds, energy bar, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9-5. Solid but for early AM; weird dreams, arms falling asleep, lots of tossing and turning until I saw alarm light at 5a. Anyway - I feel good and rested.

Body: Little achey getting outta bed, but otherwise feeling great. Shared my Garmin training runs from last Sept/Oct with Lisa, in order to reassure her she was ready for the Train & Stay - and also to refresh my memory on my 50k training. It amounted to this schedule: 12m run 8/21; 0 miles the next weekend (hurt my back that week); two 5m walks; 12m walk; 5.5m road run; 12m trail run; 8.3m trail run; then a wildly successful Train & Stay and an ass-kicking 50k. So I am feeling MORE than ready to kick ass again this year!

Brain: Happy. Comfortably busy.

Until technology crashed at 4, when I SHOULD have been able to be extremely productive and knock out a ton of work for two quiet uninterrupted hours. Rage. And of course, it happens on a night I "have" to be here late for a KITC event with Emma. Leaving early is not an option, as I have nowhere to go, no errands to run in the meantime. Incredibly frustrating!

Deep breaths. Figured out what I could do: unfortunately, not work. Nor leave. Nor read. But I could do a bunch of little things: I did some LAPW stuff. I completed 1.5 steps of Inspirada Dreams (strengths was easy...but I had to step away at "defining my life's purpose" - deer-in-the-headlights stare). I re-lended my Kiva funds. I ate supper. I read some Precision Nutrition emails I had stored up. I schlepped my bags to my car. I scrutinized the Sibley State Park map while waiting (outside, barefoot) for Emma. I got un-raged and I met Emma in a good mood!

Wednesday, September 26

5a-energy bar, c reg, supps
6a-almond milk latte
630a-taught class, did warm-up & some pulls
745a-Americano w/ SF syrup
10a-bag pork jerky, energy bar, 2c decaf
12p(restaurant)-salad (iceberg, baby carrots, cukes, grape tomatoes) w/ Italian dressing, 3c reg, supps
4p-coconut flakes & Sunbutter, tiny apple
530p-4.4m hills w/ Lisa
7p-2c raw veg w/ oil & vinegar, energy bar, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

DANGER: I ordered a pack of flavored coconut butters (this) today. I will plan to keep them at work. Otherwise, me + spoon + jar = gone in a flash. And just in case you are also interested in testing your willpower, discount code COCO10 gets you 10% off, and the sampler comes with free shipping. (I predict a free addiction, as well.)

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 830-5. Took Dustin's advice and went to bed a half hour earlier, thinking this way I'd still get 8 hours if I woke at 430, but I made it to the alarm! I was dozing for a while there, felt like it must be around 4, but I was not so awake that I clocked it. Sweetness.

Body: AM pulls 2x5. PM pulls 2x3. Feeling great. Touch of soreness from squats while doing class warm-up, but barely noticeable, big improvement from last week. Cool! Run felt good other than burning lungs again; and by "good" I mean that my legs were fucking screaming on the first two beastly hills, but that's normal.

Brain: Doing great. House offer is in progress, work is still stupidly busy but going well, wearing a super cute dress, had a good LAPW meeting (& even able to help out with a project).

Hop started pumping, though. Yay: quiet house, can easily go to bed at 8pm, no extra messes, etc. Boo: quiet house, cats get needy, no one to help clean my messes, etc.

Awesome pic:

She even looks like a Little Sabrina, curls & books & all!

Tuesday, September 25

5a-2 fried eggs, chicken sausage, cabbage wedge, c reg, supps
630a-almond milk latte
730a-Americano w/ SF syrup
930a-2s coconut flakes w/ 2T Sunbutter, 2c decaf
12p-personal training
130p-Awesomesauce, homemade energy bar, Uberbar, can DCP, supps
6p-half s sunflower seeds
645p-2c raw veg w/ oil & vinegar, 4oz carnitas, supps
Throughout day-3.5 quarts water

Sleep: 7.25 hours in bed, 9-415. Took a while to fall asleep, but it was solid, but again woke about 4 & couldn't fall back. Wtf? I feel good & rested though.

Body: Still have a tight right calf/Achilles. I get it, legs, you ran far on Saturday. Jesus. Build a bridge and get over it already! PM pulls 3x2.

Sat for about an hour at end of day...low back hurt a tiny bit afterward. Was fine before that, fine in session. Hm.

In addition to next cycle's bench request, I want to work more on strict dead-leg pulls and chins after watching Steve's awesome video of traversing pullups. Compared to a swingy, kippy pull, these sleek moves just scream raw strength. Beautiful. That's what I'll be doing at home. I'm sure my cats will be as impressed as Lila.

Diet Summary post updated with info & pics. As I updated it at 430am, I had a mini-epiphany that I hope sticks with me. I was kind of lamenting the need to choose trails over fat loss for my first two months with Steve, and then I thought, "Well, I've been fat for two years; what's another two months?" which is impressive as shit for me. (Priorities? Perspective? Wha?) And THEN, even more impressively, I thought, "What if during this two months we figure out how much I must eat in order to stop getting injured?" That would be worth about 10x the cost of NCP right there. No pressure, Steve.

Brain: Doing great! Productivity tip: ear buds might not prevent someone from interrupting you, but if you only pull one out & keep the other one in - they talk fast. And go away fast. Boom! Also, hiding all those assorted distractions in Facebook & reducing emails has REALLY helped me from getting so derailed. I might still take a little mental break and putz for a bit, but it can't turn into such a long putz when I no longer find 800 rabbit trails to follow.

Quote: Resurrecting for a really good one, applicable to pretty much every aspect of your life.

If you don't have time to do it right the first time, when will you have time to do it again?
-John Wooden

Monday, September 24

5a-c reg, supps
530a-Sabrina's Awesomesauce, unsweetened almond milk latte (bleah, needs stevia)
630a-taught class (warm-up, stretches/3rd world squats/wall sits, finisher [jump squats])
745a-2c reg
10a-homemade energy bar*, 2c decaf w/ stevia
12p-3.36m run w/ Lisa
1p-5oz tuna, c roasted veg, med apple, .5oz almonds, supps
330p-oz almonds
6p-.25s sunflower seeds
645p-2c raw veg & turkey pepperoni chips w/ TC guac, 4oz carnitas, supps
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

*Quite tasty! I might share one with you...I'll accept either begging or gratuitous compliments or both. 250 calories apiece, roughly 75 from protein, 75 from carbs, 100 from fat. Or if you prefer to think in grams, 19/19/11. Size is half a muffin tin. Compact calories fo' sho' - but the flavor is bomb dig.

Sleep 7.5 hours in bed, 9-430. Wide awake at 4, dozed for a while. Got up feeling good & rested.

Body Feeling good! Tight right Achilles & calf, but only noticeable on stairs, really. Until I ran, and then it became quite noticeable around the 2-mile mark or so. Nothing concerning though. AM pulls 2x2. Forgot in eve.

Brain: Really good. Very happy to get Chiefly approval on a running-binge plan for this week (that I expected would be returned to me with many holes shot through it).

Lots to do at work, and logged another 11-hour day, but this time I am managing my stress levels appropriately. Mostly because today I actually feel confident this project will be completed on time. However, the past several months have taught me that a couple of my coworkers are always killing time in the last week of the month, super chatty, popping in all the time, etc, so I am pre-empting them by keeping my ear buds in to look busy & un-visitable. So far, so good!

And just for fun, here's a taste of what I'm dealing with this week:
If inventory containing unrealized intercompany profits is sold during the period, consolidated cost of goods sold must be adjusted to reflect the actual cost to the consolidated entity of the inventory sold; if the inventory is still held at the end of the period, it must be adjusted to its actual cost to the consolidated entity.

Whoops, it looks like you fell asleep there; how strange, I can't understand why! It's delightful stuff, innit?

Sunday, September 23

730a-2 fried eggs, chicken sausage, c reg w/ T coconut milk, supps
815a-c reg w/ T coconut milk
930a-2c reg w/ 2T coconut milk
10a-bench day!
1130a(restaurant)-2 fried eggs, bit of ham & veg*, 3c reg, supps
230p-half s sunflower seeds
345p-c raw veg & s turkey pepperoni w/ TC guac, oz carnitas
5p-roasted cabbage, 4oz carnitas
645p-energy bar"dough," tea w/ 2T coconut milk, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

*Forgot to say "No cheese" on my omelet. Luckily Amy traded me for her eggs, though I couldn't take her sausage (soy), but I nabbed a tiny bit of uncheesed filling. I was not that hungry, so I was okay with it. Just felt very stupid. Related: the Western Omelet at Jan's Place looks pretty fucking phenomenal, and their hash browns appear to be perfectly crispy. Sigh.

Sleep: 9.25 hours in bed, 10-715. A while to fall asleep, up at 440 for b/r, and dozing for the last hour or so. But I felt fairly rested when I got up, hooray!

Body: Tight Achilles & a bit achey in the hips, all else feeling almost normal; better than I expected. Workout was great. Dustin, does benching fit in the next cycle? Wanty.

Brain: Workout & brunch & shopping w/ Amy, a day of cooking for the week, a husband who's home again, happy kitties - all good!

Food prep: I made a ton of deliciousness today. I'm set for the entire week other than eggs at breakfast. Dig it:
-wedge of roasted cabbage (Joy, this is based on MB's find, except flavored with carnitas juices...oh yes, just as awesome as you're imagining)
-still have chicken sausage left
Snack/to-go breakfast:
-Homemade energy bars (almond flour, egg white, cocoa, PB2, shredded coconut, honey, vanilla...nom!)
-6s stir fry (cauliflower leaves & innards, bok choy, lotta Swiss chard, parsley, one little beet, one little jalapeno, bunch of green & red peppers, 2 small eggplants, Simply Salsa spice mix)
-carnitas (about 6s)
-5 salads (15oz bag sugar snap peas, 5 carrots, 3 bell peppers, head of cauliflower, 10 cherry tomatoes) - to be topped with half avocado & balsamic -or- dipped into Todd County guacamole (half avocado & salsa)
-8s Sabrina's Awesomesauce v2.0 (half of the carnitas meat & all of the juices, plus RoTel tomato sauce, diced tomatoes, and diced sweet potatoes)

Saturday, September 22

645a-2c reg w/ 2T coconut milk, supps
715a-bottle DCP, 4oz cashews
830a-3m run (solo) + 12m run w/ Lisa
During run-2s Ultima, s BCAAs, 3 salt tabs
1130a-bag pork jerky, .5s sunflower seeds, half Larabar, bottle DA&W
5p-2 fried eggs, half chicken w/ BBQ sauce, micro cake, 2c decaf w/ 2T coconut milk
730p-15oz bag sugar snap peas, can Zevia
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 930-530. Dozing in/out for final hour, otherwise good solid sleep. 2 hour nap post-run.

Body: Feeling good! Lats still sore, and in the interest of tomorrow's bench date, no pulls today. Run was awesome except for falling apart a little at the end due to hydration. When I got home I took a nice long bath, worked on my calluses (both hands & feet), then took a nap. Perfect. Sore when I got up: knees, hips, tight calves, achey muscles, but nothing unexpected. Hit the water hard and ate well.

Experimented BIG time with fuel on the long carbs. Fat-adapted?

Brain: Pretty good. Little long-run anxiety in the morning, but of course the run gave me a nice boost. No energy the rest of the day, was lazy and watched TV.

Friday, September 21

530a-c reg, c NC
630a-bag pork rinds, supps, c reg w/ 2T coconut milk
730a-Americano w/ SF syrup
9a-2c half-caff
10a-coconut flakes w/ Sunbutter, 2c decaf
130p-Uberbar, Larabar, can DCC, supps
630p-4oz cashews, 6oz chicken, Uberbar, supps
Throughout day-2 quarts water

Overate at supper but kept it healthy. I bought some roasted salted cashews for tomorrow's run, but couldn't resist them tonight. Probably one of the best-damn-tasting treats I am able to eat. SO. GOOD.

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 845-515. Solid, woke naturally, tried to fall back but couldn't; got up feeling pretty refreshed. Nice!

Body: Less stiff than yesterday morning. No low-back anything, hooray! Lats be plenty tight, though not a complaint. AM pulls 4x3, PM pulls 2x3. (Trying to get more consistent, so going to tally them again.) Trails tomorrow with Lisa. Benching date Sunday with Amy. Happy Hoppe!

Brain: Much improved. Selling snacks was quite fun (of course), so doing that first thing in the AM gave me a boost. Still a bit overwhelmed with work, but (a) trying very hard to stop bitching & moaning all the time and (b) just plain better able to keep some perspective today.

Thursday, September 20

515a-2 fried eggs, chicken sausage, c sauerkraut, c reg, supps
645a-c reg w/ 2T coconut milk
745a-Larabar, Americano w/ SF syrup
1015a-coconut flakes w/ Sunbutter
12p-personal training
130p-c roasted veg, can tuna, Uberbar, can DCC, supps
6p-15oz bag sugar snap peas, 3.5oz carnitas, half Larabar, 2c coconut tea w/ splash almond milk, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9-5. Decently solid & woke naturally, but I could have used another hour. Why won't my stupid body TAKE that extra hour?!

Body: Stiff getting up. Haven't felt that creaky in a while. And yesterday I slacked, so it seems weird. Session felt good but deadlifts were just plain heavy, completely different from last week. I've put a self-imposed STOP on any analysis in my brain, because all I will do is sit here and think that today's 195 looked just like January's 225 and what the FUCK, clearly I suck, and continue down that line of nonsense. I should be smart enough to avoid going directly down that rabbit hole, but I'm not (at least, not today), so I leave all deadlift-related thoughts on Dustin's plate. Eve pulls, 3x3.

Brain: Decent. A big step up from the pathetic whining "poor me"-ness of last night, but still quite a bit more "bleah" than I want to be. So much to do, so little time, so little power, no clone.

Bright spot: I have all weekend to myself, and my only social plan is trail running with Lisa. This may be the quiet, relaxing, refreshing weekend I was hoping to get a week ago. Awesome.

Wednesday, September 19

5a-Uberbar, few bites pork, c reg, supps
545a-half Larabar, almond milk latte
630a-taught class; did warmup only
730a-2c reg
9a-2c half-caff
10a-2c half-caff
1230p-salad (chicken, cranberries, tomatoes, cukes, onions, stray bits of cheese*) w/ raspberry vinaigrette, 2 glasses Diet Coke
230p-oz almonds, supps
645p-3c veg w/ guac, 3.5oz carnitas, 3 sl turkey pepperoni, supps
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

*Free lunch with CFO & small group, at Geneva Grill. It was good, but I had to pick out the shredded cheese on my salad that wasn't fucking listed on the menu. GD, I hate that. I should be able to say "Hold the croutons," and be done with it. Not, "Listen, I'm allergic to every-damn-thing so no croutons, and also no cheese, no ANYTHING ELSE besides what it says RIGHT HERE. Don't get creative back there!" I don't want to be the person who makes a big deal out of their order, and yet apparently I have to be. I can't. That person is an asshole. I'm anti-being-an-asshole. And thus I pick cheese out of my salad, like a stupid meek mousy idiot.

I was In A Mood at supper time and very much wanted to EAT MORE and make it sweet. Managed to resist out of sheer determination and willpower. Quite the struggle though.

Sleep: In bed 7.5 hours, 9-430. Wide awake at 4 and couldn't fall back. Ate a quick breakfast because of the poor sleep.

Body: Pretty good, felt great to do class warmup. Could feel squats in my glutes & "back hams" more so than usual inner/back thigh. Glutes/hams got more sore in afternoon. Sat ~1.5 hours during lunch. Low back got a bit annoyed around 3pm. Perhaps because I was slouching angrily at my desk. Frustrating project.

Acne: Started reacting to something again 2 days ago. I am pinpointing the vegetable oil coating the dried fruit in the trail mix. Because I am so fucking blessed that I can't even eat dried fucking fruit. Or because even dried fruit has to be coated with shit.

Brain: Very frustrated by project work. Many instances of wanting to give up and walk away and procrastinate (or just not come back) but of course I can't. In fact, adding stress to the frustration was knowing that I should have gotten top of this a month ago, but I couldn't, and when I could, it was month-end close (and I have yet to find a clone) or it was vacation (and without that I might have gone postal...still concerned that I might). Pushed on until I hit 11.5 hours; gee, not bad if I were hourly...ugh...made myself leave. It'll be here for me tomorrow yet. (But tomorrow afternoon is eaten up by the United Way snack sale and I have to leave early tomorrow night for LAPW and Friday for NSS and when will I get this shit done?)

Mid-day I was buoyed by the chili cook-off. Didn't win (not even close) but it was fun working it. And my experimental chili was phenom, which was the true bonus. Dare to experiment! (And ask Joy for advice before you jump!)

Made a bunch of snacks at home for the UW snack sale tomorrow: sweet beer bread made into mini loaves, mini muffins, and bars; spiced pretzels; trail mix (a use for the dried fruit!); and also just repackaged some Elden's treats because I am lazy like that. I half suspect I will have to fetch more tomorrow because so few people signed up to bring stuff. And I'm in charge of this sale. Eff!!

How did I survive campaign week last year while Lisa was on leave? Not very well, I imagine...

Recipe: Sabrina's Awesomesauce

(Or, a chili experiment gone good.)

Based on


3-4 lbs. pork shoulder, boneless or bone-in, thawed
1 onion (or more, to taste)
1 8oz can Rotel Tomato & Green Chili Original Sauce
1 15oz can Bush’s Black Beans (use 2 cans if you like more beans)
Bunch of tomatoes (as many as you like, whatever kind you like)
1/2 cup lime juice
1/2 cup lemon juice
2 tablespoons Garlic Pepper Seasoning
1 heaping tablespoon cumin
1/2 tablespoon garlic salt
1 teaspoon coriander
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper


Dice onion & cube pork; brown these in a pan. If the roast has a bone, cut off as much of the meat as you can, and set bone aside.

While that browns (stir often), dice tomatoes. Put them and all other ingredients into a slow cooker. Turn slow cooker to low.

When onions & meat are browned (meat will not be cooked through), add them to the slow cooker. Add the bone. Walk away.

Cook on low for 12-ish hours. If applicable, scrape meat off bone into the cooker (or gnaw it off, your choice) & toss the bone (or use it to make a broth).

You can eat the chili as is, or scoop out the meat to a dish and shred the chunks into smaller bite-size bits, then return to the cooker.


Make it paleo: I plan to re-make this for myself with cubed sweet potatoes in place of the beans. Sweet & spicy, NOM.

Play around with tomatoes, beans, onions proportions. Add celery or shrooms or root vegetables.

Tuesday, September 18

545a-2 fried eggs, chicken sausage, c sauerkraut, c reg w/ splash almond milk, supps
645a-almond milk latte
730a-Americano w/ SF syrup
10a-2c half-caff
1130a-s coconut flakes, oz almonds
12p-personal training
145p-can tuna, c roasted veg, oz almonds, supps
7p-3c raw veg w/ guac, 3.5oz pork roast, half Larabar, supps
Throughout day-3.5 quarts water

Somehow I completely forgot to eat my morning snack, realized it only at 1130. Three cheers for work being just busy enough to keep me occupied, but not stressed!

Healthy hot grocery tip for y'all - Elden's has the following super sales: sugar snap peas, big bag for $1.50; bell peppers, 3 for $1.99; Uberbars & some Larabars, 5 for $5; avocados, $0.99. Score!! Bonus workout: pretty sure my basket held about 20 lbs!

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 9-530. Solid, woke w/o alarm, feel very well rested.

Body: In great shape! Session felt excellent.

Brain: In good shape. Boosted significantly when Mike said to me at NSS: "24 days to the Train & Stay!" YEAH, BITCHES!

Met with Steve and have 2 goals until we meet again: 1800-calorie average (past two weeks were 2089 & 2082, each with one crazy-high 3200+ day) and 130g protein per day (past two weeks were 185 & 155...though remember that I round things to simplify so will probably aim for at least 150 on "my" tracking). Should be easy-peasy, for the most part.

It does mean not going insane on long run days, which I will definitely have. These are my last two big weekends before tapering for the Train & Stay / 50k weeks. But since there is no ribfest or sleep-depriving camping in the next two weeks, I feel pretty confident I'll manage. I plugged in an extra 1000 calories for Saturday and the week still calcs out to 1800. Boom.

My changes will be skipping breakfast Mon/Wed (no prob: no time) and eliminating the micro cakes in favor of a half Larabar/Uberbar when "needed." I was getting a little too dependent on those cakes again, anyway.

And my tip: you eat a half Lara/Uber by opening a couple bars and cutting them in half and sealing them in a snack bag. You (or at least, I) do not eat half by planning to stop at halfway. Ever.

Quote: Since I was on the topic of beliefs yesterday...I think I got this one from Dustin a while back.
Build your belief in yourself every day. It takes a bit of selective amnesia to do this. Learn from your daily mistakes and then forget them. Never relive mistakes. Once you’ve learned the lesson, throw it away. On the other hand, review your successes every day and save them like trophies. Relive the highlights of your day's workout nightly as you’re lying in bed waiting for sleep to come. Always find the positive things daily. Learn to believe in yourself. Nothing is more important.
- Joel Friel, Endurance Sport Coach

Monday, September 17

530a-s turkey pepperoni, c reg, supps
6a-few bites carnitas, c reg w/ .5c almond milk & stevia
630a-taught class; did warm-up, few static squats & wall sits
730a-2c reg
930a-coconut flakes w/ Sunbutter, 2c decaf
1215p-c roasted veg, 2oz almonds, med apple, supps
415p-coconut flakes w/ Sunbutter
5p-4.56m run, hill repeats
630p-2c raw veg w/ guac, 3.25oz carnitas, sm apple, supps
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Sleep: In bed 9 hours, 8-5. Yeah, I was in bed at 8pm. Jealous? Up at 2a for b/r, otherwise pretty solid. Except sometime in the early AM I dreamt that I stepped on the scale, and I weighed 180 lbs. Seriously, brain? Fuck off.

Body: Felt fine, little tightness doing class warm-up. Postponed run until after work due to United Way week busy-ness, and used it as a chance to hit hills. Felt good but I did have some left-shin soreness from the start. Kept the freak-out feelings buried. At home, feet felt sore.

Brain:Came to a realization on tonight's run, listening to some religious discussions: you can't choose what to believe. You either believe, or you don't. I don't believe in a god, and I can't CHOOSE to believe in a god. If you can't relate to that, consider choosing to change your religious beliefs to Buddhism & reincarnation or the Hindu gods or whatever...feels impossible, right? You believe what you believe, and that just is who you are. Beliefs certainly can change over time - didn't I go to a Catholic college? Yet I didn't choose to stop believing in god, there was no conscious choice made, I just...stopped believing.

Where I'm going with this: in the same way, my belief in myself went down the tubes, and I'm left believing that I suck most days. I can't just CHOOSE to believe I'm awesome or as [fit, strong, whatever] as another person. I can look at my past achievements and see awesomeness, but I don't apply those to who I am now, today. My belief in me today is in the shitter. I don't know how to turn that around, but I know that I need to do so.

I decided to eliminate 2 more things from my life: (1) Things that contribute to my low self-esteem. Obviously the smarter solution is to work on WHY these things make me feel so inadequate, but at this time I don't have the energy. (2) Certainly many factors contributed to my downhill slide two years ago, but perhaps one of them was too much information. I got obsessed with reading about dieting and training, and I don't think that it really did me any good. Am I any farther along, or have I fairly steadily gained weight? Didn't I just give up on my own brain and turn to Steve?

So anyway...this morning I unsubscribed from two running podcasts; they are about ultra-running and while some days it's inspiring to hear about someone running 100 miles, most days I just feel the unfairness that my body won't even let me run daily, much less log a 100-mile week (the fact that I don't really want to is irrelevant, of course). I deleted two fitness-related podcasts, including the Fitcast. I unsubcribed from the Runner's World Quote of the Day email & Metabolic Effect emails. I hid a bunch more peeps on FB, even good ones. I nearly canceled my Leigh Peele membership, but couldn't quite commit. (Downloaded her latest podcast and will decide based on that.) Getting ruthless about the people and information I let into my life. Hope it helps.

Sunday, September 16

945a-bag Cholula jerky, bag pumpkin seeds, can Zevia, c reg
1p-2 fried eggs, chicken sausage, c roasted veg, micro cake, 2c decaf w/ almond milk & stevia, supps
6p-2c raw veg w/ guacamole, choco-pb-coco protein ice cream, 3 pieces dried fruit, small apple, 2 bites carnitas, supps
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Sleep: 6 hours in bed, 230-830. Woke at 745 and couldn't fall back. Finally it was quality sleep, though; felt far more rested than last two days. Normal.

Body: Good. Feeling fat, though. Carbs? Sitting almost all day, quite lazy. Shins sore, worried. Did 13 pulls throughout the day, 7x1+3x2.

Brain: Surprisingly good, not beating myself up. Just movin' on. Stress was not meant to be a part of this two-week eating plan, trying to let it go.

Saturday, September 15

9a-can Zevia, supps
10a-5m walk
4p-2 fried eggs, chicken sausage, c roasted veg, bag Cholula jerky, few almonds, can Zevia, supps
6p-bottle DDP
830p-bag pork jerky, bottle DP
10p-bottle DDP
1230a-oz roast beef, 2c raw veg w/ guacamole, pork chop
2a-few almonds & banana chips
Throughout day-3.5 quarts water

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 1230-830. Again, terrible quality. Ugh! Read/napped 3.5 hours, 12-330.

Body: So tired. Decided to take a walk rather than run. Walk was mostly fine but my shins felt a bit sore, wore Vibrams. Enjoyed the bit in the woods along the river and listening to Ace & Preger, good stuff. Post-nap, feet felt a little sore.

Brain: I tallied calories first thing and almost cried. Knew a fast day would be the ticket to resetting my mind. Couldn't decide what I SHOULD do, though, what would be the smart option. Decided to get my walk in to reset the brain and then wait to eat until I was truly hungry, not just snacky, and stay away from the dried fruit since carbs beget carbs. Post-walk I showered which made me sleepy so I enjoyed naptime and delayed eating even longer.

Mini victory: I actually threw away my remaining 2 cookies, and snacked on almonds & banana chips only by tossing the fruit in my handful of trail mix.

Friday, September 14

8a-c roasted veg, bag pork jerky, oz chipotle almonds, Joybar, can Zevia, NC
12p-2 fried eggs, chicken sausage, oz chipotle almonds, can Zevia, supps
115p-cookie, 5oz chipotle almonds
145p-5m run (some walking)
3p-3c raw veg w/ guacamole, handful dried fruit, 2 cookies, 3 Joybars, can La Croix, supps
545p-4oz jerky, cookie
At races-2oz jerky, bottle DDP, bottle DP
1230a-2 handfuls dried fruit, supps
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 12-8. Choppy. Smacked my head twice on the above-bed cabinet when flipping over. Napped 9-12. Yes, napped an hour after waking! That sleep was better than my overnight sleep. Kind of napped again 4-5p.

Body: Tight hip flexors from too damn much sitting. Overall fatigue. Otherwise decent. Run was as expected, felt tougher than I wanted but not exactly happening under ideal conditions. The "kind of" nap was me laying in bed reading because I wanted to be FLAT and stretch the hip flexors. (Got sleepy and set book aside for a catnap.)

Brain: Wish I felt more energized and am disappointed by my inability to stop eating. I know poor quality/quantity sleep does this to me every time, but there is also something about vacation mode that makes me justify it despite trying hard not to! I was terribly uncomfortable all day long, felt giant and awful. Why doesn't KNOWING that will happen stop the binge?

Thursday, September 13

530s-2 fried eggs, chicken sausage, c cauliflower browns, micro cake, 2c reg w/ 2T coconut milk, supps
730a-2c reg w/ stevia
830a-Americano w/ SF syrup
12p-personal training
145p-salad w/ balsamic, s chicken sausage, s pepperoni, Uberbar, supps
4p-can Zevia
7p-bag Cholula jerky, Uberbar, oz chipotle almonds, can Zevia
10p-c reg
11p-2oz chipotle almonds, cookie
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 845-515. Woke at 330a and felt like it was time to get up. Managed to fall back and woke naturally, but didn't feel fully rested. Can't wait for mandatory naps on vacation!

Body: Hams still sore, otherwise feeling good. Session kicked ass. Sat pretty much all day and started feeling all-over crappy at races about 830p (bedtime!) so I stood then onward, better, but I was in boots w/ 1" heel and that added to annoyed low back.

Brain: Excellent. It's vacation time! Spent early AM planning food & packing & then off to errands, job #2, training, before true vacation mode could begin. But once it did: happy Hoppe. Races got way late (1045p finish) and chilly but "my" guy did awesome so it was worth staying up for.

Wednesday, September 12

515a-2 Uberbars, c reg, supps
6a-c reg w/ 2T coconut milk
630a-Taught class, did warmup only
8a-2 energy squares*, 1 banana chip, 2c reg
9a-coconut flakes & Sunbutter, can DCP
130p-can tuna, 1.5oz almonds, 2 banana chips, supps
330p-2c decaf
530p-few banana chips
630-2c raw veg & 10 shrimp w/ salsa, micro cake, supps
730p-1.5s pepperoni "chips" & salsa
Throughout day-2 quarts water

*Energy squares from the Grain Bin. Pretty tasty, but they do have some soy, so I only tried tiny samples. I bought them for my awesome team but figured I ought to taste-test.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a. Slightly choppy in early AM and the alarm woke me, but I felt fairly rested. Got tired & yawning at 4pm though.

Body: Sore hams (got worse throughout the day) & slight overall fatigue (I blame sleep), otherwise great. Sat 1.5 hours in meeting.

Didn't really feel up to my run (mentally) after Lisa backed out, and I decided a mid-week rest day before deadlift day would be a nice experiment. Also because I just haven't been getting the solid sleep quality/quantity I prefer to get, can add a little recovery this way.

And since I will run both Friday & Saturday on vacation this weekend, I'm not actually removing a run, just shifting it.

Brain: Little tired and VERY tired of being so effing busy at work. Almost vacation time...thankfully I can only access work email on the iPad, can't do any "real" work; I fear that I would, and don't want to be stupid enough to work for free!

Spent much of the past week dealing with an LAPW issue that made me feel like a loser & a failure. Resolved it today and am still a bit annoyed with myself, but not so damn disappointed, so that is a plus.

On a personal note I feel quite accomplished over some miscellany:
-50k registration = check done.
-Monster Dash costume = almost check done, final piece has been shipped.
-Boston apartment reservation = almost check done. Got a place requested, just need to fill out their contract & make a down payment & stuff. Woo hoo!

Tuesday, September 11

6a-2 fried eggs, chicken sausage, cauliflower hash browns, micro cake, c reg, supps
7a-2c reg w/ 2T coconut milk & stevia
1030a-s coconut flakes w/ 2T Sunbutter
1130a-personal training
1245p-c roasted veg, Uberbar, supps
330p-can tuna, half oz almonds
7p-2c raw veg and 10 shrimp w/ TC guacamole, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 930-545. Up at 1a for b/r (supper too late) and awake maybe half hour, had the off-and-running brain, but I was able to shut it down.

Body: Little tired but feels good! Session felt pretty much fantastic. Sat 2 hours, meeting.

Brain: A bit tired & "ugh" about work in the AM, used the ol' "act as if" routine. In the PM, overwhelmed with the amount of work I have to do, to the point where I am spinning in circles and accomplishing nothing. UGH. Only two days to vacation...

Also, feel like I keep coming off as an idiot on LAPW stuff. Misplaced a check, forgot about a committee I was supposed to be on, not getting a couple things researched very promptly - more and more I feel like I should not have done this, but dang it, people have kids and spend more time volunteering, I am determined to get my act together! But it's tearing me down a bit, feeling like I'm doing it poorly; I don't like to do ANYTHING poorly.

Except maybe housework. Which is another thing I'd have to get MUCH better about if we got the new place. Potential bonus to make that better: I would be able to do overhead squats in the basement. Hells yeah!

Monday, September 10

515a-2 Caveman cookies, c reg, supps
6a-Uberbar, c reg w/ 2T coconut milk
630a-taught class, did warm-up & a couple each: 3rd world squat, wall sit, hip flexor stretches
8a-Americano w/ SF syrup
1030a-2s coconut flakes w/ s Sunbutter, 2c half-caff
12p-3.22m utility run w/ Lisa
115p-can tuna, c roasted veg, oz almonds, Uberbar, supps
8p-2c raw veg w/ salsa, 2 mini Larabars, supps
Throughout day-4 quarts water

Sleep: In bed 8.25 hours, 845-5. A while to fall asleep, but otherwise very solid. Alarm woke me up, though, boo.

Body: Just a few lingering aches/pains from run, mainly tightness in lower legs. Belly has felt giantly fat since Saturday evening; still feeling it this morning, but improved throughout the day. Digestive system is apparently NOT fond of ribfest. And no vegetables. And not enough water.

I very seriously considered fasting today just because I felt so gross. Not in a "I'm a fat pig with no willpower" kind of way but in a "I feel like a fat pig and food is not appealing" way. But I assume that half the idea behind the 1800-calorie intake level is to take a diet break / stress reduction / hormonal reset, etc, which would be at complete odds with fasting. So I ate. And please note that all of this rambling is in the BODY section, not brain, because my brain was fine. A huge victory!

Run felt good, lower legs tight afterward.

Brain: Tired. Super busy workday, the kind that makes you want to search the Help Wanted section. Ugh.

Happy: looked at potential house again after work w/ parents & contractor buddy. Contractor buddy is a perfectionist who pointed out a lot of "This doesn't meet today's standards, I would've done that differently, cabinets are from Home Depot," etc, but no red flags. Getting utility bills, will figure out how much we can afford, and make an offer. Realtor cautioned that this could literally take a year, being a short sale, but my response to that is, "Cool, more time to save!" So my plan is to automatically start shuttling into savings the extra money it would take to live in that house, and figure out how to live on it.

Sunday, September 9

7a-2 fried eggs, chicken sausage, micro cake topped w/ coconut butter, 2c reg w/ 2T coconut milk, supps
10a-s sunflower seeds
1p-2 fried eggs, chicken sausage, cauliflower hashed browns*, micro cake, AZ bar, supps
630p(restaurant)-fajita salad (romaine, chicken, black olives, tomatoes, jalapenos, salsa), 4c decaf, supps
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

*Chop up a bunch of cauliflower, add onions & garlic & peppers & bacon grease, and fry it up. Doesn't get crispy & doesn't resemble true HB, but it's pretty damn good with eggs!

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 1115-645. Went to bed late (was reading), and was off/on for the last hour or so, but I made it almost to 7am, hot damn.

Body: Low back, both Achilles, hip flexors all a bit tight; bit of overall fatigue; begrudgingly realized I needed a rest day. I am craving a bench day, damn it! Spent a few more hours cleaning/de-cluttering/hauling things up & down basement stairs. Got really tired about 4pm.

Looking back: I should've drank a whole lot more water!

Acne: Giant cyst forming on my forehead. Of course. I went to rib fest yesterday without a speck of makeup, feeling like my skin was acceptable for the general public for the first time in months. I sadly & dutifully avoided all sauces due to corn & soy...and yet here I am reacting to something (WHAT??) yet again. So. Fucking. Frustrating.

Brain: Tired but did okay. Supper with friends was fun, but also sad-making to stare at Shari's crispy, perfect-looking quesadilla. Jealous.

JR's baby was born & died Saturday morning. Complete sadness. Makes me feel like a narcissistic jackass for my lame complaints & frustrations. Such a wretched situation.

Saturday, September 8

530a-2 fried eggs, 1.5 sl bacon, .5c sauerkraut, micro cake, 2c reg w/ 2T coconut milk, supps
8a-2 Caveman cookies, half s sunflower seeds, 2c reg w/ 2T coconut milk
830a-11.96m trail run
During run-2s Ultima, s BCAAs
1030a-half s sunflower seeds
1130a-few seeds, 2c reg w/ 2T coconut milk
1230p-stupid amount of ribs...10? 12?
230p-2 Caveman cookies, 2oz cashews, bottle DDP

4p-can DCP
730p-salad w/ balsamic, pint chocolate Arctic Zero w/ PB2 & 2oz cashews, T coconut butter
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

For a while there I only remembered the FIRST half of Steve's advice for long-run day ("Don't worry about calories...") and forgot about the rest ("...but don't go crazy, either, just eat what you need to feel good.") Came back around for supper time. Mostly. And I don't have any more AZ in the house, so that indulgence is over for a while.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 915-515. 100% solid, but once again I think I would have slept longer but for Oscar meowing anxiously about cats outside under our deck.

Body: Awesome. See long run. Didn't get super tired and achey afterward like usual. Felt it just a bit in the knees & the hip flexors. 3 hours of cleaning in afternoon.

Brain: Awesome. See long run. And ribfest! Cleaning the house sucked, though. Being an adult is over-rated.

Friday, September 7

530a-2 fried eggs, chicken sausage, .5c sauerkraut, coconutty micro cake, c reg, supps
630a-c reg w/ 2T coconut milk
8a-Americano w/ SF syrup
10a-oz almonds, can DCP
1p-can tuna, c roasted veg, med apple, 2c decaf (I got chilly), supps
215p-Joybar (Joy's homemade banana bread Larabar!)
5p-2 Caveman cookies
7p-salad w/ balsamic, Arctic Zero w/ PB2*, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

*Thaw the AZ until it gets a bit soft, dump into your food processor w/ 2T PB2, blend until smooth like soft-serve. HOLY CRAP it tastes like a Butterfinger Blizzard. But I can eat it. Yaaay! And also? It's only 200 calories. I'd sure like to see you get a Blizzard for that!

Sleep: 8.25 hours in bed, 9-515. Solid, but Oscar woke me up a bit earlier than I wanted and I felt tired to start. Extra large breakfast. Fine energy the rest of the day.

Body: Quite excellent. Upper back and arms a bit sore, but nothing in low back whatsoever after yesterday's deadlifts. Hooray! Rest day today, long run tomorrow.

Brain: Did very well to start, busy at work. But business day four = brutal hell for me; add in bothersome LAPW emails for which I did NOT have time, and brain went down the drain. Ugh. Did my best to manage it. Hated that I immediately thought "food" and kind of caved. Basically just ate couple snacks early, so that was a plus, but UGH to frustration translating directly to snacking. Luckily NSS work didn't take too long so I was home at a decent hour.

Still whirling about house. We are going back on Monday night with the parents & Hop's contractor pal. And asked the realtor to plan on stopping at our place on his way home, which means someone (named Sabrina) needs to spend the weekend cleaning up this dive. Crapsticks!

But underlying it all...thinking of JR today. Counting my many blessings. Thanks for being one of them.

Read This: Jen Comas Keck

Great read about social media getting you discouraged due to comparing yourself to others' great accomplishments. Some good advice and reminders. My only complaint is that I should have read this a year ago!

Thursday, September 6

615a-2 fried eggs, chicken sausage, .5c sauerkraut, 2 slices toast, c reg, supps
715a-c reg w/ 2T coconut milk
830a-2c reg
10a-coconut flakes w/ 2T Sunbutter
12p-personal training
145p-can tuna, c roasted veg, med apple, Caveman cookie, supps
515p-2.5m walk on Victoria w/ Lisa & Baby Mac
630p-salad w/ half avocado & balsamic, 3oz pork roast, tiny apple, supps
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Sleep: 9.25 hours in bed, 9-615. Solid. Bliss. Benadryl!

Body: Touch of soreness yet in the hams, but a big improvement from yesterday. Amazing what this higher caloric level is doing for me!! Or not...I concede that it might be simple science. (Eat more, recover better? Nonsense!) Something that definitely is amazing, though, is that I'm not simultaneously worrying that I might be gaining weight by eating this much. Even if I am, I am trusting in Steve to make sure I don't become a Michelin Woman.

Everything felt awesome in session. Happy deadlift day!

Got sidetracked thinking about joining the Saturday morning running group for their 12 miles. Debated back & forth and back & forth about whether I could handle it, until I realized it didn't matter whether I could; I should stick to trails as scheduled. My goals are loving the Train & Stay and PRing in the I need to train for that. I can wait to join the running group starting in November & find me some winter long run buddies for Boston training then.

Brain: Whirling about that house. Rates are awesome. Think everyone can go back on Monday night to look again. Should be able to borrow some down payment dinero from my parents. But do we rent or sell our house? Well, what's it worth? Ack! On the possibly-bright side, because it's a short sale, it could take a long time to negotiate & approve. Which means more time to save!

Pain point: our mortgage payment will increase anywhere from $450-700 depending on the rate & final price. Because I am an insane saver, we can probably manage this without a LOT of cuts, but it takes away plenty of savings cushion, and it most definitely eliminates the ability to go out to eat, blow $200 at Target, or click away $100 on Amazon without a second thought. And it means Hop can't get a shiny new vehicle next summer, either.

Funny story, though, it sure has no impact on whether I continue to train with Dustin. Zip, zero, zilch. I'll give up my pretty Pepe before I give up training!

Wednesday, September 5

4a-fried egg, chicken sausage, .5c sauerkraut, 2 cookies, 2c reg w/ 2T coconut milk, supps
630a-taught class, did warmup only
9a-coconut flakes w/ Sunbutter
12p-4m run, intervals
1p-tuna, roasted veg, medium apple, Caveman cookie, supps
345p-oz almonds
645p-Sage Valley almond & coconut honey bar (too sweet)
730p-salad w/ half avocado & balsamic, 3oz pork roast, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 6.5 hours in bed, 9-330. Woke at 245 for b/r and could NOT fall back. Crapsticks! Got up and enjoyed a long, leisurely breakfast. Tried not to think about being tired, since that seems to intensify the manifestation.

Body: Feeling the squats a little bit in the hammies, but otherwise great! Digestive system was cranky again yesterday for unknown reasons, but normalized today. Run felt excellent.

Brain: Wanted to over-analyze the crap sleep. Too much water? Too many carbs? Too many supper carbs? Forgot my Benadryl? (Took Hop's allergy medicine instead, doesn't make me sleepy.) Worked at just forgetting about it and fueling the day instead. I'll start with NOT drinking a full quart of water after 6pm.

Looked at the house...big fan!

Learned a coworker (JR) is being induced this weekend...and her only true hope is that she'll be able to hold him while he's still alive. FUCK. If you're the praying type, now's the time to put in a request for a miracle. I donated some cash to Caring Bridge, which is something, but it sure feels like absolutely nothing. Hate the feeling of uselessness. I also put in a prayer request at St Benedict's Monastery. No, I'm not suddenly religious, but it can't hurt, right?

Diet Summary post updated. Which, in the great scheme of things, and especially compared to these two recent tragedies as well as another friend's pending giant decision, is pretty damned unimportant.

So on that note, here is a to-do list of truly important things:
1) Go hug your significant other.
2) Call your parents. Say hi. Chat. Tell them you love them.
3) Play with your child and kiss him/her/them until they squeal like a baby piglet.
4) Rub your pet's ears until he/she/they run away.
5) Thank the universe/god/karma that you & your loved ones are happy & healthy.

Tuesday, September 4

645a-2 fried eggs, chicken sausage, sl toast, 2 tiny cookies, c reg, supps
730a-c reg w/ 2T coconut milk
830a-2c reg
10a-oz almonds
12p-personal training
115p-5oz tuna, c roasted veg, oz almonds, supps
630p-med apple, salad w/ balsamic, 3.25oz pork roast, 2 cookies, supps
Throughout day-4 quarts water

Sleep: 9.5 hours in bed, 9-630. SOLID. Definitely needed it, helped make up for the weekend.

Body: Feels great! Hip flexors a bit sore/tight but that's it. Session felt excellent.

Brain: Great! Got that First Day of School feeling: cute new dress & fancy-looking updo, first meeting with Steve*, lots of work at TS, emailed my realtor about that house...all is good and exciting!

*My job: eat 1800 calories every day, and eat more on long run days, whatever is needed there. Easy. The harder part: do not over-think it.

Bit of a smackdown late in the day as I attended a wake for Hop's buddy's stepdad. Only 61 & died in an accident. Ugh.

Monday, September 3

630a-2 fried eggs, chicken sausage, extra fatty micro cake, c reg, supps
8a-tiny cookie, c reg w/ 2T coconut milk, few sunflower seeds
9a-10.26m trail run/walk
During run-2s Ultima, s BCAAs
1115a-4 tiny cookies, sm apple, few seeds
1245p-micro cake w/ coconut butter
2p-few seeds
6p-5 small smoked babyback ribs, 3oz ribeye, 2oz smoked chicken, plain sweet potato, few snap peas, few strips yellow bell pepper, radish, 3T pomegranate seeds
730p-4 tiny cookies, supps
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 10-630. Not too good. At least an hour to fall asleep, up for b/r at 1045, spotty sleep until early AM, maybe. Micro cake too late at night? Didn't think anything could possibly counteract the Benadryl!

Body: Felt a little tired, hips still a tiny bit achey, front of right shin a bit fatigued to start, but run felt wonderful. Few times Lisa wanted to walk, few times I did. Was very conscious about keeping it EASY and FUN. And it was! Post-run, felt pretty good, much better than the last few long runs; not craving a nap. Hip flexors tightened up over the afternoon, but that's about it.

Oh, and digestion was understandably fucked up Saturday & Sunday (did I eat a single vegetable?) but it got back on track first thing today, thanks to supplements.

Brain: Excellent. Loved the run. Found another house to really seriously think about and go look at. Meatfest supper at the parents', saw the big bro and SIL. Not much could have improved this day!

Diet Summary

Daily average intake - average ouput = average net

Cycle 1
Week 1: 1371 - 1517 = (146)
Week 2: 1625 - 1607 = 19
Week 3: 1550 - 1668 = (118)
Week 4: 1846 - 1683 = 164
Average calories for entire cycle: 542 protein + 641 carbs + 415 fat = 1598 total

Cycle 2
Week 1: 1371 - 1635 = (264)
Week 2: 1532 - 1646 = (114)
Week 3: 1436 - 1638 = (202)
Week 4: 2450 - 1596 = 854
Average calories for entire cycle: 662 protein + 583 carbs + 453 fat = 1697 total

Cycle 3: maintenance
Week 1: 1646 - 1633 =13
Week 2: 1779 - 1607 = 172
Week 3: 1750 - 1613 = 137
Week 4: 2089 - 1583 = 506
Average calories for entire cycle: 596 protein + 493 carbs + 727 fat = 1816 total

Cycle 4
Week 1: 2254 - 1701 = 553
Week 2: 1775 - 1657 = 118
Week 3: 1596 - 1593 = 3
Week 4: 1643 - 1627 = 16
Average calories for entire cycle: 573 protein + 604 carbs + 640 fat = 1817 total

Cycle 5
Week 1: 1689 - 1576 = 114
Week 2: 2239 - 1565 = 674
Week 3: 1857 - 1599 = 258
Average calories for entire cycle: 639 protein + 414 carbs + 875 fat = 1929 total


Couple tracking notes:
-I estimate food rounded up to the nearest 25 cal. I just want a general idea here; I don't want this to consume my life anymore. Tracking intake can also help me figure out both acne and why I feel awesome or awful in daily life & training, so it's not JUST about fat loss.
-Output assumes 1400 BMR plus only 50% of the "calories burned" calcs for exercise. I calc out 90 cal/mile ran, 45 cal/mile biked, and use my heart rate on lifting. All of which is probably overblown, so I only use half.
-Intake is probably underestimated, so by underestimating output as well, I figure that balances it all out.


And here we go, the worst part. I can't freaking believe I'm doing this.

I'm posting pictures.

I've been taking a belly pic every single day since 4/23. Sharing the pics from the first week of each cycle; each of these is from Monday morning, pre-breakast. I try to be consistent in posing, same spot, standing naturally, no effort to suck it in & look as good as possible - but I really don't waste too much time on it. Stand, point, shoot, move on.

4/23/12 - C1W1

5/21/12 - C2W1

6/18/12 - C3W1

7/16/12 - C4W1

8/13/12 - C5W1

9/3/12 - NCP-W1

My arms and legs definitely look better; I'm seeing muscle delineation in my hips that wasn't there before, too. Hooray for baby steps!

On my body, the belly is the last place the fat will leave. Also the belly is a delightful area that can change based on what you eat, so even if it's bigger from one week to the next, it ain't necessarily fat. (And vice versa, unfortunately.) Those of you who hate your hips, take a second to be thankful that eating a Big Ass Salad doesn't expand them!
For those of you wanting to tell me that it looks fine, I don't need to diet, etc, to you I say: shut up; that's not helpful. I know I am not fat; I know I am at a healthy bodyweight; I know I look fine - but I am not satisfied with the state of my belly as it is. I don't just want to be healthy, I want to be stellar! My goal is to be satisfied with my entire body. All of it. I know I can look better. I have looked better, and it wasn't all that long ago. I don't need to get down to a six-pack, but I do need to get to a point where I am not immediately & unhappily zeroing in on my belly every time I see my reflection. Body happiness, that's my goal.

Well, that and world domination.

All in good time.

And from here, we transition measurement/results to a new post:

Sunday, September 2

7a-3c reg
930a-2 fried eggs, t mustard, English muffin, 7ish slices thin bacon, c cubed cantaloupe, 2c reg, supps
2p-2.75-hour nap
5p-fried egg & 3oz roast pork & Todd County guacamole, on English muffin, micro cake w/ coconut butter, 2 cookies, supps
9p-micro cake, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Nice big carb boost today, for long run tomorrow.

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 12a-730a. It was absolutely terrible, as I was on an air mattress with Amy. Those things are a fucking joke unless it's just you. Woke often, felt like hourly; up at 630 for bathroom, then dozed a bit waiting for everyone else to move. Naptime about 15 minutes after I got home! Spotty for first hour, as cats were weird, but I feel I got a solid 90-minute cycle after that.

Body: Very tired, obviously. Hips achey still, and shins a tiny bit sore from yesterday, but I expected worse. Definitely not enough energy to lift, damn it all.

Also, allergies definitely won out over Benadryl yesterday, too much outside time I guess, and still kind of feel lingering effects of itchy eyes today.

Brain: Really good, just tired. Was going to attempt races (hence the looong nap) but had no one to sit with. Again. I need more friends.

But not too upset, since now I can go to bed early to rest up for trails at 9am!

Saturday, September 1

545a-fried egg, chicken sausage, micro cake, c reg, supps
7a-c reg w/ 2T coconut milk
745a-2T coconut butter
830a-bottle DCP
1030a-bottle DA&W
12p-bacon on a stick
1p-giant turkey leg
2p-Jocolat bar
330p-bottle DC
430p-c cinnamon-roasted almonds, bottle DC
645p-Pure Organics bar
730p-pork chop on a stick
830p-half serving sunflower seeds
Throughout day, 11a to 8p-9 miles walking
Throughout day-3.5 quarts water

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 10-530. When will I learn that my body will always wake me at 5, and unless I'm dog-tired, Oscar's antics will prevent falling back?!

Body: Feels really good. Touch of ache in hips & glute sides from yesterday's hill, which I had felt while we were walking downhill - I had an exaggerated "hip shake" that I can't explain. Not there going uphill. Interesting.

Long day at State Fair. Wore Vibrams and felt pretty good all day. We sat about an hour in a quiet spot 6-7 or so, very good to take a rest.

Brain: All good. State Fair day! Quite fun, wonderful to hang out with Terri. Of the fair itself, baby animals were the best part, though it sure did get to be a long day. I did much better than I thought - I expected more heat and worse crowds, so the reality wasn't as bad.

Ate more than I had planned, mainly the damned delicious almonds (though not as good as Joy's) but didn't feel too deprived having to avoid all the good stuff. Even skipped out on fruit options to avoid carbs without real issue. Only point of sadness was discovering coconut macaroons (!), asking for the ingredient list, hearing 4 green lights and getting excited until #5: cream cheese. Damn!!

Good talk with Amy on the drive down about how I need to stop putting such high expectations on myself. Nothing new, same old same old, but the more I talk through things the more it helps me, I think.

Happy Birthday, Dad!

Today is my papa's birthday. He is 55. Here are some things that make him awesome:
  • He has owned his own auto body business for 34 years. When I was little he worked Saturdays, but without children to support he's able to work only 5 days...though I'd bet it's probably still close to 50 hours. And he's really good at it. He does the office & customer service work & the dirty work. I helped sand a car once and gained a high level of appreciation for the difficulty and his amazing eye for detail. There are no flaws in his work. This summer, some hail-damage-fix-it guys came to town and asked dealers around town about a good body shop...his was tops. This is where I get my drive to Do All The Things and Be Awesome at Them, but I know I fall short of his example.
  • He has endless patience for small talk (I wish I had inherited this trait). 
  • He's semi-adopted his nephew (whose father [Dad's brother] died at only 43), and his wife and their 7 adorable children. He gets to be a pseudo-grandpa to them, and he gets 7 pseudo-grandkids. It's a win beyond win-win.
  • He does a ton of work at home: cuts & chops wood for winter fuel, plants the garden, mows the lawn, maintains hunting (and walking & snowshoeing) trails, sets up (and modifies & expands) the chicken coop, butchers chickens & cows & pigs & game (oh my!), plows snow...and I've literally never heard him complain about any of it, ever. Ever. This is a habit I need to work on.
  • Small children adore him. 
  • Critters adore him. When we dumped Buddy onto my parents, they never hesitated to take him in, and Buddy quickly became Dad's sidekick. He learned very quickly with Dad in charge, as all dogs do.
  • When I left Paul the second time, for good, I received full unquestioned support emotionally, & a place to live - though rent was repaid when I was able, which was beyond fair in my opinion; I very much appreciate having been raised to be a fully capable adult. 
  • He does not forget his family. A recent example is visiting people like his aunt, the cloistered nun, which might not sound fun, but truly was. What is a chore in visiting someone who is delighted to see you, and loves you unconditionally? I hope I have inherited this trait.

Sounds pretty amazing, doesn't he? That's because he is.