Tuesday, August 14

515a-2 fr eggs, 1.5 sl bacon, .5c sauerkraut, c reg w/ T coconut milk, supps
630a-c reg w/ T coconut milk
730a-2c reg
930a-T coconut flakes w/ 2T Sunbutter, can Zevia
1030a-2c reg (I was cold, but this was a mistake, left me jittery & hungry)
12p-personal training
130p-3oz beef ribs, c roasted veg, Caveman Cookie, can Zevia
630p-salad w/ half avocado & balsamic, coco micro cake, supps
Throughout day-2 quarts water

Sleep 8.25 hours in bed, 845-5. Took a while to fall asleep, and was dozing in/out for the last hour or so, but otherwise very solid.

Body: Slight aches in hip flexors in AM. What the fuck, body? Sat for an hour in AM meeting. Session felt excellent, walked out feeling strong & happy.

Brain: Pretty good. Busy & productive.

Feminist Freakout: The below is part of a post I made elsewhere, in response to a specific comment. But I wanted to bring it back here to help you realize why I'm constantly oversharing in this blog.

I've heard people make comments that insinuate I'm someone to be envied, I'm perfect in certain areas, I'm competitive, I'm an overachiever, etc. These comments make me simultaneously puff up with pride - and laugh like a hyena. If you've been reading regularly, you know all about the rotten thoughts I think about myself, if not WHY my self-esteem is so unbelievably low.

Well, I don't know why either, but read below to understand why I share all of my faults and stupid thoughts here with you:
I am so fucking tired of feeling like I am the only one who is a mess. It seems like on a daily basis, I think that EVERYONE BUT ME is brimming with confidence and capably marching forward with children and stressful jobs and workouts and eating healthy and making it all appear smooth and EASY. Meanwhile I have no kids and a wonderful job and my health and a happy marriage - my life is easy but does not FEEL easy, because I am packed full of self-doubt while striving for perfection. I desperately wonder when the hell I will feel like I've got my shit together like everyone else.

But I think damn near every woman feels this way, and 99% of us never feel like we have our shit together - so it's refreshing to hear [woman] talk about it and show that vulnerability. I know we would all benefit from the realization that those women we envy might have anxiety attacks at 3am or wish they hadn't had kids or hate their job or their body or WHATEVER.

We need to realize that perfection does not exist and it's a complete waste of our lives trying to reach it. Instead, let's be real, let's share our embarrassing stories, let's ask for help when we need it, and let's fucking LAUGH at ourselves & our foolishness. It's the only way to go.

You dig? It's time to stop striving for bullshit perfection and be real. That doesn't mean settle for where you are, just take what comes easy, become complacent - please keep pushing toward your goals, but make your motherfucking goals realistic. A six-pack powerlifting BQ-er body by 12/31/12 is not realistic. (Not that such a thing was my goal...but, you know, pretty close.)

Here's another light-bulb thought I had today: no one but YOU really gives a flying fuck what you look like. Seriously take some time to think about that. I am pretty sure your SO would love you whether you subtracted 10 lbs - or added them - as long as you are healthy...whether you dyed your grays or let them be...whether you grew long flowing locks or chopped your hair to a pixie cut. So if you (I) spend a shit ton of time dwelling on something that ONLY you (I) care about - doesn't that make you (I) pretty god damned selfish & narcisstic? And is that really the best use of your (my) brain, time, & talents? Couldn't you (I) use your (my) powers to accomplish real GOODNESS in the world?

It's smart to care about a nice appearance, and it's brilliant to be diligent about good health, but beyond that, it's all just aesthetics for you. Is physical perfection really that important to you? Should it be occupying the amount of mental focus and willpower that it currently does in your life?

This rant is not strictly applicable to body comp. It's applicable anywhere you are striving toward some level of perceived perfection, whether that be your home or your kids or your job or your what-the-fuck-ever.

It is also not strictly applicable to women, but that's the viewpoint I'm most in tune with, obviously. But I honestly do not see the men in my life pushing themselves to achieve achieve achieve at all costs. They are so much more reasonable than we are in judging what's realistic. I know that's a blanket statement, possibly even sexist, but it's what I see.

"My" men do not define themselves by what they achieve or what they do. They simply are who they are, and they are doing their best, and that's good enough for them. As it should be.

So why can't it be good enough for me (you)?

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