Thursday, August 9

6a-fr egg sandwich w/ 1.5 sl bacon, 2t mustard, T Joy's homemade mayo (NOM); micro cake; c reg, supps
715a-c reg w stevia
8a-2c reg
1030a-2 HeatherBars, can Zevia
12p-personal training
130p-6oz chicken, .5c roasted veg, HeatherBar, mini Larabar, supps
2p-can diet cherry Coke
415p-oz almonds
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: Fucked up, once again. 9.5 hours in bed, 830p-6a. Up at 3a for bathroom, and was in/out (mostly in) until close to 5am or so, then got a solid hour before waking naturally. So we're talking 7.5 hours of real sleep, probably, but I really wanted that whole 9.5. Ugh. Still, somehow I feel good.

What gives? Change in supper did not seem to have an impact. Still, will be re-testing this today by skipping supper. LAPW meeting expected to go late enough that I'll just want to go home and straight to bed, all calories moved earlier.

Body: Initial aches & pains were tightness in ankles & feet. Went away with movement. Front of left shin became sore around 10am, stayed that way; too lazy to look, but it's the muscle that picks up the foot.

For the first hour of the work day, I came back to my desk thinking "Yes, I get to sit!" each time - very weird, as I've been standing all day for almost a year. So I listened to that random thought, pulled up my barstool, & took a load off. Stayed sitting all day.

Low back slightly tight later in eve, 7pm-ish. Too much sitting after deadlifts.

Brain: Doing well. Busy day yet again, which started to get me down about mid-afternoon. Could totally feel myself running out of brain-power. Annoyance with a few coworkers that seemed to bring out massive impatience with the rest of the world. Post-close I always feel a little rush of exhiliration & accomplishment for a good half-day...and then I open up my post-close to-do list and I just. want. a. DAY. OFF. But I never feel like I can take one. This month especially not, as I have extra work piling on, next Friday off for Ragnar, and am gone to a conference for two days the following week. Gah-ross.

Interesting note: my belly fat has gotten "looser," less dense...which is good...except it also seems to be more "bouncy" which is depressing as fuck to see. I'm trying to remind myself, when I see my bouncing flab, that it's a good thing. Today on my way to NSS in too-snug workout clothes that showed plenty of bounce, I wanted to cringe when I saw my reflection. Instead, I decided to pretend I was totally confident in how I looked, like one of those chicks who is pretty overweight but still dresses like her goods are the market's hottest find. I figured a viewer would either be inspired by my confidence, or feel better about their own body in comparison. Either way, they win, right? And I don't really lose by giving them a boost. But man alive, I would love love love to not have to fake that confidence.

WOD: Improvement. Today I'm thinking about how much of improvement comes in baby steps, not giant leaps. Like the loose bouncy belly flab. It's actually an improvement, even if it does not "feel" like it is. It's a baby step toward no bounce & no flab. Take it. Accept it. It's progress in the right direction.

Your toughness is made up of equal parts persistence and experience. You don't so much outrun your opponents as outlast and outsmart them, and the toughest opponent of all is the one inside your head.
-Joe Henderson
Ain't that the truth!

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