Friday, August 31

530a-fried egg, s chicken sausage, 2 sl toast, c asparagus, c reg, supps
630a-c reg w/ 2T coconut milk
8a-small apple, oz almonds, Americano w/ SF syrup
11a-5oz tuna, 2c raw veg, oz almonds, can DCP, supps
430p-3.68m walk on Victoria's Revenge w/ Lisa
630p-c asparagus, 4.5oz pork roast w/ T honey mustard, 2c cantaloupe, Pure Organic bar, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Felt a li'l pukey about 1pm and again about 6pm. Weird that this is happening all of a sudden, but it doesn't last too long, and I've never felt in real danger of puking, so, whatever. Will keep an eye on it.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 915-515. Solid.

Body: Feeling awesome, very well rested and strong. Heavy Spartacus left me feeling worthy of my Wonder Woman shirt. And bag. And mug.

Walked with Lisa pushing Baby M (ran up once, making Lisa the real Wonder Woman) and it was nice & fun & relaxing.

Brain: Massive craving for something high intensity to erase a serious annoyance last night (food or a workout, had to take my pick), and when I thought of Spartacus, I was 100% in for first thing in the morning. It was lovely and exactly what I was looking for.

I felt it was an especially appropriate response since I've once again been accused of overtraining (this was the annoyance). So this morning I turned off the automatic feed from DailyMile to FaceBook. Maybe it's the super visible workout postings that encourages that line of thought. I don't know. It used to be that people found the posts motivating, knowing where I used to be. But few people know/think of me as a former lazyass chubster who is simply trying to show that anyone can do what I can do, so perhaps it just appears that I'm obsessed with training - and in some cases it may make them feel like they are a lazyass chubster, which I want even less. So, fine, it's turned off.

But the overtraining accusation annoyed the fuck out of me, mostly because I make a hell of an effort not to do more than I do. And also because I call bullshit. My regular problem, in my uneducated opinion, is under-recovering, not overtraining. There is a difference.

However: I will admit that during tax season, it's possible I was overtraining (or at least marching directly toward it), due mostly to all the mental stress I was putting on myself. But then again, since it was not so much physical as it was mental...I am still inclined to call it under-recovering, not overtraining.

The main difference lies in the solution. If I'm overtraining, I need to stop workouts and rest until the nervous system fully recovers. If I'm under-recovering, it's a matter of getting more sleep, better nutrition, more calories, etc - but I can keep on training.

This whole back-and-forth, which-one-is-it thinking coincided nicely with what I read about G-Flux yesterday (in short: train a lot so you can eat a lot - with caveats, of course [you don't get to eat pizza every day]). You can bet your sweet ass that I was all OMFG I WANT THAT. It prompted me to look at my caloric intake back in 2010, and the lowest weekly average I ever hit was 1634. During this summer's efforts, I've considered that to be a "medium" intake level. With more muscle and heavier lifting. Um, can you say "stupid"? Stoo-PID!

So starting yesterday, I raised my intake goals a bit. It obviously makes sense that eating more will be the key to feeling better, which will keep me from crashing so hard that I skip workouts (which leads to typical overachiever mental stress) or I overeat (ditto). The super obvious question, of course, it just how much more I can eat without adding fat, but it's not like I plan to jump up to 3000 calories a day (don't I wish, though!). Aiming for 1700ish this week; my long run falls on Monday, which is technically next week, so I feel that's appropriate.

We'll see what Steve has to say on Tuesday. I decided today that I could be an ideal student: great at tracking & planning, great at following directions, committed & motivated & ambitious, completely unable to eat junk food, etc. Or I could be the worst student ever, as I have more goals than is remotely reasonable: lose fat, get stronger, get faster, gain endurance, work 2 jobs, volunteer, etc.

Acne: Robb Wolf mentioned that garlic is a common allergen. News to me. I hardly ever use it at home...could be common when eating out. But just in general I went: "Oh, shit, am I really supposed to track fucking spices, too?!" UGH. And on that note, to the person who said my tracking was an obsession: (a) DUH, no shit, Dick Tracy! and (b) How else am I supposed to figure out my allergies/sensitivities? Or am I just supposed to eat whatever I like and hate my face every day?

We can die before we die, by disengaging from our present, or we can live until the very last drop.
-Run Like A Girl

Thursday, August 30

530a-fr egg, s chicken sausage, 2 sl toast, c sauerkraut, c reg, supps
630a-c reg w/ 2T coconut milk
8a-2c reg
10a-s coconut flakes w/ s Sunbutter, can DCP
12p-personal training
130p-5oz tuna, 2c roasted veg, sm banana, supps
4p-oz almonds
730p-salad w/ balsamic, 5oz pork roast, cocoprotein ice cream attempt, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 8.75 hours in bed 845-530. Oscar woke me about 445, dozed in/out until I gave up & got up.

Body: Feels pretty great! Session felt downright lovely. Body is really loving deload + tons of sleep.

Brain: Very good. Although I learned the bacon-on-a-stick is a whopping 500 calories. I GUESS that may not quite be worth it. It is just bacon, after all.

Initial nutrition consultation with Steve will be on Tuesday. Excellent!

The simple absence of grains or dairy or whathaveyou in stuff you eat doesn't make it "Paleo."

A Paleo way of life is about choosing to partake in a "nutrient-dense life," complete with deeply nourishing food, emotionally satisfying social relationships, and genuine interaction with the natural (i.e. outside) world.
Embrace the spirit of the lifestyle instead of seeking ways to work around it. Relying on a blend of dried fruit and nuts isn't "Paleo" - it's just overeating trail mix.

Wednesday, August 29

5a-c reg, supps
6a-Simple Squares bar, c reg w/ 2T coconut milk
630a-taught class, did warm-up only
730a-Americano w/ SF syrup
930a-Simple Squares bar, can Zevia
1030a-2c decaf
12p-mobility session w/ Joy
1p-5oz tuna, 2c roasted veg, oz almonds, supps
4p-packet Sunbutter
445p-4.5m trail run
7p-salad w/ half avocado & balsamic, c asparagus, 2 Caveman Cookies, supps
Throughout day-3.5 quarts water

Was oddly hungry at 11a, super hungry at 1130a. Toughed it out - went away by noon.

Sleep: 8.5 hours in bed, 815-445. Solid - I'm liking this nightly Benadryl. Still got up feeling a little bit tired, oddly.

Body: Excellent. In class warm-up, just a bit of tightness in hammies, and all movement felt great. Mobility session felt lovely, though I wasn't as thorough as normal, only 20 minutes or so. Did three sweet handstands despite not attempting them for ages!

Run felt better than any since my second Ragnar run, despite crazy heat. I really wish I could pinpoint anything beyond "lots of sleep." But, whatever - if that's the ticket, I will keep cashing it!

Eyes were super red despite the long night of sleep. Allergies?

Right wrist is bruised from yesterday's cleans or snatches or both - despite wearing wrist bands. Some day I shall need to live covered in bubble wrap.

Brain: In a good place. Legs/hips are feeling hard & tight, not soft & fluffy, when my hands smack them while walking. That rules. Although, is it fat loss or just water loss? Hell, does it even matter? Smaller size is smaller size.

At 2pm, I had change in my paws & was 3 steps out of my office to go fetch a can of pop. I then thought about Heather and my leg bones, turned around, put the change in my Relay fundraising box, and refilled my water bottle instead. Rules some more!

Hop might be home for the weekend. Rules the most!

Failure after long perseverance is much grander than never to have a striving good enough to be called a failure.
-George Eliot

Tuesday, August 28

615a-fr egg sandwich w/ honey mustard, c sauerkraut, s chicken sausage, c reg, supps
730a-c reg w/ 2T coconut milk
9a-Simple Squares bar, 2c reg
12p-personal training
130p-5oz tuna, 2c roasted veg, oz almonds, can DCC, supps
230p-an apple off Mary's tree!
6p-salad w/ half avocado & balsamic, 3oz pork roast, supps
Throughout day-3.5 quarts water

Sleep: 9.25 hours in bed, 9-615. Up for b/r at 415; debated staying up, but was tired enough to fall back.Otherwise most excellent. Probably could have kept sleeping but for Oscar being a pain in my face.

Body: Quite good! Felt excellent in session.

Brain: Very good. Feeling optimistic about life again. Even managed to air up all 4 tires without wrecking anything...unlike last time, when I broke the valve stem and watched the tire instantly deflate, and had to cough up $80 to fix it. Go me for not being an idiot this time!

Another "go me!": as LAPW Treasurer, I am supposed to be on the Recognition Dinner committee, since we sell tickets and someone needs to collect dinero, and that person has always been the Treasurer. I very politely told them I can collect funds at the meetings/events that I will already be at, but that was all they could expect from me. I don't need to help plan the thing, and I don't WANT to. I had just done some more running around on the bank accounts, so I was in No. Mood. Polite but firm "no" = something I need to get better at and say more often.

Hop is not having much fun. They left for ND yesterday and just got started pumping at 2pm today. That blows. I told him to focus on the moolah. Then in the eve he said it might only be 3-4 more days. Hooray!

Boston: Received email: my entry is confirmed...Commence freakout...Just kidding. I'm feeling okay about it. It's also 8 months away yet. Decided I should sign up to volunteer at the Twin Cities Marathon. I could turn it into a visit with my favorite cousin so that I have a free place to sleep, and then soak up the marathon atmosphere and inspiration on race day.

AND THEN: when I got home, there was a magazine that is all about the 2012 Boston Marathon, the "Racers' Record Book." Stories about winners, temps, comparisons to other years, congrats to you on finishing (shut UP!) and allathat. Every finishing time is listed for both genders - I suppose it's a hell of a keepsake to see your own name in the history book of Boston.

Here's what caused my body to produce goosebumps (and tears): had I run Boston with my TC time, I would have placed 778 among women...out of 8995. Holy. Fucking. Shit. That is the top 8.6%. Granted, it was hot as blazes, but even to add 5 minutes would only drop back to #1060, still top 12%. And let's remember that TC was my very first marathon. With the right training, shouldn't I be able to improve on that time?

I still have goosebumps. And my stomach is churning, but in a good way. It is the exact same feeling I had when the online race pace calculator spit out a BQ time for my TC marathon projection. "What?! Me? No way! Really? Me? Really! I guess it must be possible, it's right there in the math...but...ME?!"

I think I have discovered some serious motivation to find out what I am really and truly capable of. Remind me of this if I falter, my friends.

Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming.
-John Wooden

Read This: Whole9

The Whole9 folks be genius. They've posted a list of ways to gauge your health that do not involve the scale.
It’s hard to find hard-and-fast statistics on this one, but we’re pretty sure that most U.S. households have at least one bathroom scale. One Canadian study reports that 40% of people weigh themselves daily, and another reports that a full 75% of regular scale-users are women. That’s millions of bare feet stepping cautiously onto millions of scales each and every morning, leaving millions of people to judge their personal worth by that digital number staring accusingly back at them. And regardless of how they actually feel, the majority of those people will be crushed, jaded, frustrated, embarrassed, angry, and dejected when they step back off; their sense of self-worth skewed by what we believe is a mostly useless measure of progress.
I absolutely do not miss seeing the numbers on the scale, because my mood could instantly change, skewing my self-worth massively. Even though I was still in the exact same body from 5 seconds earlier, that number would decide my day. Fuck that!

Check it out:

Monday, August 27

5a-forkful shredded pork roast, c reg, supps
6a-c reg w/ 2T coconut milk
630a-taught class, did warmup, static squats, stretching
8a-Simple Squares bar, 2c reg
10a-s coconut flakes w/ Sunbutter
12p-3.33m run/walk
1p-5oz tuna, c roasted veg, sm banana, oz almonds, supps
3p-.5oz almonds
6p-salad w/ half avocado & balsamic, c asparagus, pile of roast pork, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Diet Summary post updated. Last week's numbers are nothing to be proud of, but it was kind of time for a high week anyway. Or so I'm telling myself.

Sleep: In bed 8.75 hours, 815-5. Nice & long, and very solid (that's what she said! [sorry]). Took Benadryl for allergies, so that helped knock me out.

Body: Much improved. Low back still a little tight, but I no longer feel it with every single move. Good on run. Did a lot of talking while running to distract my buddy from her sore ankle, so probably capable of more/faster. Nice!

Sitting 2-415p, intially just due to the work I was doing (apparently I can't read while standing), but got super tired at 3pm so I stayed there. And had a snack. And got more water

Note of weirdness: tingling needle-y pain in left heel area when stretching with a straight leg & bent at hips. Pretty specific, innit? Also concerning...especially after reading the symptoms of plantar fasciitis. Stupid Dr Google!

Brain: Too busy at work to dwell on anything. Good. Also hid a ton of people/businesses on FB so that I don't keep reading more and more and more about nutrition and fitness and everything - even the really good ones. I just need to Stop. The. Obsessing. (So if you read something good? Please share!)

I also emailed Steve. And got the packet of paperwork that felt overwhelming at first, but then I asked myself if it would take any longer to fill it out than the amount of time I spend staring at my spreadsheets every day...yeah. Sad.

Hop left for ND today, with no idea how long he'll be gone. I, the amazing wife that I am, even sent along the iPad. Now that is love, my friends, that is LOVE! (Never mind that him being able to take it pumping is half the reason I justified buying it. Shush.) Anyway, I can go to bed really early & should sleep pretty soundly, so that should help mitigate the loneliness.

Dose of Food Porn: Payment for the above dose of random babbling. And because it was so damn beautiful.

Two minutes of work. Twenty-four hours of slow cooking. Purefection.
Don't think you can't, just because you've never.
-Mina Samuels, Run Like A Girl

Sunday, August 25

545a-fr egg, 1.5 sl bacon, med apple, half avocado w/ T salsa, decaf, supps
9a-smoothie attempt (cucumber & half avocado, not bad!), 2c half-caff w/ 2T coconut milk
10a-lightweight powerlifting
1130a(restaurant)-omelet (3 eggs, ham, onions, peppers), 2c reg, supps
3p-AZ bar, few forkfuls raw cookie dough, 4 or 5 tiny cookies
6p-pork chop, 1.5c roasted veg, micro cake, c decaf tea
Throughout day-2 quarts water

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 12-530 + 630-830. Woke up feeling totally hungover: dehydrated, depleted, perfectly awful. Ate breakfast and then immediately went back to bed. Still felt depleted & dehydrated, but a little more rested at least.

Body: Low back muscles hurt while sleeping, while heaving out of bed, just plain moving. What the hell? Made workout very lightweight and focused on form and proper movement. Stretched really well when done. Back felt a LOT better afterward. On feet a couple hours doing chores. May be hitting my seasonal allergies right now, eyes very red & itchy all day.

Brain: Tired. Spacey. Frustrated about feeling so crappy - obviously I need more sleep but is some of it nutrition, too? So tired of the analyzing... Dustin, did you see my question about working with Steve? I'm ready to just follow someone else's orders and stop thinking.

Boston: Registered. Talked about it with Amy today and decided I need to be okay with skipping the powerlifting meet in order to minimize Boston impact. It's only one time. I also think the biggest key to making it work mentally will be in consistently finding running partners for my long runs. Structure tax firm times around the ideal time for me to line up partners, rather than plugging in my runs around my work schedule. If that means I only taxercise 6 hours on Saturday instead of 10, then so be it. Again: it's only one time. The best thing, though, would be to really rediscover that love & passion for a long challenging run...why did that leave, where did it go, and how do I get it back?

Food Prep:
-5 salads (carrots, celery, cukes, red pepper, yellow pepper, banana pepper, green beans, purple beans)
-roasted veg (beets, cabbage, green peppers, eggplant, onion)
-chicken breakfast sausage (3 packages, enough for 2 weeks!)
-pork shoulder (honey bbq spice, splash of apple juice, 24 hours in slow cooker)

Acne: No reactions from Ragnar or from mixed nuts! Yay, but also: hmmm.

Saturday, August 25

630a-2 fr eggs, 2 sl bacon, micro cake, c reg, supps
830a-8.5m run/walk
During run-2s Ultima
11a-fr egg & 1.5 sl bacon on English muffin w/ T honey mustard, sm apple, dried peach half, c reg, supps
1230p-few sunflower seeds, can Zevia
1p-2c reg
4p-.5s sunflower seeds
545p-c roasted veg, T Sunbutter, bag jerky, s sunflower seeds, can DCP
7p-bag pumpkin seeds, bottle DCC
11p-English muffin w/ Sunbutter, supps
Throughout day-2.5 quarts water

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 1030-630. Tried to sleep longer, couldn't. Very tired at 4pm, really hoping the races would rain out; gave in and napped 445-545 and was late to races. Caffeine got me through them.

Body: Got up stiff & sore & achey. Erectors really tight; thanks, deadlifts! Did not even loosen up during run, and of course whole body felt beat up post-run. Felt extremely drained & depleted & also foggy. Wished I had time for a nap very badly. Felt pukey after eating lunch.

Stayed very stiff all day; every time I got up, I looked about 83 years old. Pretty hott, lemme tellya. At races, sitting felt fine, but low back stayed tight, and upper back became sore as well. Pretty much felt like I'd had the crap beat out of me.

Brain: Doing well. Okay with the sad run attempt, know that I need some serious fucking rest to get back to feeling normal again.

Can't believe how messed-up I got over just a few days of a fucked-up schedule. It is really frustrating to be this stupidly sensitive.

I do not feel like I am training too much - or recovering too little - to feel this beat. Need to scan back a few weeks; I know there was a stretch when I felt good every day, sleep was solid, wasn't stiff and achey every morning...gotta figure out what the difference is between then and now.

Friday, August 24

530a-2 turkey patties, fr egg, 4 asparagus, c reg, supps
6a-c reg w/ stevia, coconut milk
630p-personal training
1245p-2oz mixed nuts
115p-turkey patty, fr egg, many asparagus, pepper w/ salsa, micro cake, can Zevia
430p-bottle CFDP
6p(restaurant)-couple scallop slices, Cobb salad w/ balsamic, 2c decaf
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 9-445. Woke naturally, but if not for training would have tried to get in another hour.

Body: Tired. Low back still bugging a bit. Did not get any worse after session, felt about the same even though I was sitting all day.

Brain: Tired & cranky & a bit overwhelmed with all the things I have to do - and unfortunately not excited about any of it. Session a bit disappointing but I got over it; Fun With QuickBooks helped. LAPW bank visits drained me because they took so long and all I could think was how time consuming this position was turning about to be. Ugh.

Took a nice looong lazy lunch before going to help Dad with his QB. Which went great (I think I helped him out a lot) and boosted me up, and led to supper out for mom's birthday. Was even able to help Hop pick ice cream flavors AND take him to DQ for a blizzard without feeling deprived. Nice!

Speaking of, he is likely gone for about 2 straight weeks starting Monday. Keep an eye on me, friends. I might get lonely.

Thursday, August 23

530a-hb egg, 3.25oz bacon jerky, c reg, supps
630a-3oz brain food, c reg
745a-scrambled egg, 3 sl bacon, 3c reg
11a-Americano w/ SF syrup
12p-2-plate Big Ass Salad (romaine, field greens, olives, cukes, shrooms, carrots, ham, tomatoes, celery, banana peppers, red onions), hamburger patty w/ splash Tobasco, few sl bacon, 1.5oz almonds, supps
215p-can DC
6p-bag jerky, bottle A&W
7p-turkey patty, c asparagus, micro cake, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 9-445. Had enough time for 9 hours but was wide awake around 430 and couldn't fall back. Stupid body.

Body: Low back unhappy right off. Canceled AM workout plan. It was a good one, too! Stupid body.

Stood in every session that I could, but that still meant I was sitting 6 total hours. Ugh. Standing was miles better than sitting, but back did not improve.

Upper body was VERY sore all day; even raising an arm to scratch my head was painful. It took me a while to realize that 150 burpees = 150 pushups = a lot of damn work yesterday!

Felt moderately tired, lethargic, depleted most of the day. Tried to improve nutrition to see if that helped. Stayed tired. Very VERY tired at 430p riding home, tried to nap but as usual: I can't sleep in cars.

Brain: Doing okay but ready to go home and get back to normal life and normal food. Besides physically tired, lethargic, & depleted, also feeling deprived. Really want a bagel...crispy chewy goodness...smeared with tangy cream cheese...sigh.

I know that I need to focus on the things I CAN have, not what I cannot. I know this. But it is really hard when given so few options to pick from. Depressing. Better when at home.

Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong attitude.
-Thomas Jefferson

Wednesday, August 22

515a-2c reg
630a-150 burpees
830a-c reg
9a-can DC
12p-2pc bbq chicken, salad (greens, tomatoes, olives, cukes, peppers, celery, carrots, no dressing), glass DC
1p-6.75 oz trail mix, can DC
215p-Americano w/ SF syrup
530p-3.75m run
615p-3.25 oz bacon jerky, 1.5oz pumpkin seeds, supps
730p-3oz brain food
Throughout day-2 quarts water

IF: No breakfast. Shitty hotel continental with carby fruit or bouncy ball eggs as my only option anyway, not tough to skip that. Hungry at 10a, otherwise felt fine!

Sleep: 6.5 hours in bed, 1030-5. Sleep was solid, but not long enough. Felt very tired at 4p, but rallied...perhaps just the boring session?

Body: Felt damn good until lower back started to hurt at 10a. Walked and stood AMAP between sessions but it got worse as day went on. Fine during run, though began to annoy again afterward.

Brain: Good. Different mirror/shadow views show that my legs are looking leaner than I realized. Nice!!

Felt a little deprived at lunch, expected a better salad bar. So go ahead and eat 6 servings of trail mix?! Dumb ass.

Goals for tomorrow: less caffeine, more water, less overeating, more standing.


Never underestimate the awesome fantastic superbombastic effect that surrounding yourself with positive people who have your best interests in mind can have on your life - training, nutrition, and general outlook on everything.

Make it your goal to find the people that only serve to drag you down or hold you back and kick 'em out of your world - it's far too awesome for them.

-Rog Law

Tuesday, August 21

645a-2 fr eggs, 1.5 sl bacon, .5c sauerkraut, cocosun micro cake, c reg, supps
745a-c reg w/ T coconut milk
845a-Americano w/ SF syrup
10a-oz almonds, 2T Sunbutter, can DCP
11a-20-minute bell-ringing tour de TS
12p-personal training
130p-turkey patty, 1.5c roasted veg, oz almonds, 2T Sunbutter, can DCP
4p-can Zevia
5p-2oz brain food, can Zevia
630p-bottle caffeine free DCP
8p(restaurant)-shrimp & spinach salad w/ bacon dressing (NOM)*, 3c decaf, supps
Throughout day-2 quarts water

*Looked up later: 970 calories. HOW? Shrimp, roasted red peppers, spinach, slivered almonds, dressing. How on earth did it amount to that many calories?? And apparently it contained soy and wheat, I suppose in the dressing, which hopefully means it was minimal enough to prevent a reaction. Frustrating.

Sleep: 9.25 hours in bed, 915-630. Solid. Fantastic!

Body: Feels awesome. Calves are barely tight at all. Felt like I had no endurance in session again, though. Okay with long car ride, 3 hours or so.

Brain: Doing wonderfully. I'm ready to take on the world. Monster Dash 10-mile, Boston, anything and everything. Today, I am Wonder Woman. Must remember how beneficial a truckload of sleep can be! Especially when dreaming about doing muscle-ups.

Session brought me down a little, though. That has happened like 3 times in 3 years. Dustin had not read any of my posts and was talking about how much fun Ragnar was and I just did not want to hear it, was not prepared to hear the version of Ragnar that I so desperately wished was mine. Not fair! Could barely keep myself from crying.

Talk about an emotional rollercoaster, to go from feeling like a new person to the same ol' pathetic whiner in the span of 20 minutes. Ugh. In light of the happiness post about overthinking, I vented to Joy & Timmy, then just got back to work and moved the hell on.

Headed to work conference at St Olaf. Hope I learn bunches, some big challenges coming up that I can get mostly figured out here.

Tentatively planning to skip the vendor reception tomorrow night in order to run instead. And have my TRX with in case I am up at 5am!

Life is the sum total of your experiences, and I'm trying to collect as many as possible.
-Allison in Run Like A Girl

Read This: Happiness Project

Joy just finished the book The Happiness Project  and offered it to me. I googled to make sure I hadn't already read it (nope, that was The Happiness Advantage ) and spent some time on the blog poking around.

I came across a few noteworthy posts that need to be logged here for you and for me both.

Just last week I told Dustin that I think sometimes I get so low because I have too much time to think...turns out science may just support that theory!

Do You Fall Into the Trap of Overthinking?
Numerous studies over the past two decades have shown that to the contrary, overthinking ushers in a host of adverse consequences: It sustains or worsens sadness, fosters negatively biased thinking, impairs a person’s ability to solve problems, saps motivation, and interferes with concentration and initiative. Moreover, although people have a strong sense that they are gaining insight into themselves and their problems during their ruminations, this is rarely the case. What they do gain is a distorted, pessimistic perspective on their lives.   
And these two posts are fantastic resources. I don't need them today but they will definitely be used on my next crappy day. Many things I already attempt to do, or know that I should, but there were some great new nuggets as well.

Seven Tips for Making Yourself Happier in the Next Hour

Thirteen Tips for Dealing With a Really Lousy Day

Monday, August 20

4a-2 fr eggs, turkey patty, .5c asparagus, micro cake, 2c reg w/ T coconut milk, supps
6a-can DCP
630a-taught class (did warmup & some static squats, lunges, SL 1/4 squats)
730a-Americano w/ SF syrup
945a-s Sunbutter, half oz almonds
12p-3.41m run w/ Lisa (some walking)
115p-2oz roast beef, c roasted veg, s Sunbutter, can Zevia, supps
530p-1.5c raw veg w/ TC guac, c asparagus w/ vinegar, coco cake w/ T Sunbutter, supps
Throughout day-2 quarts water

IF: Planned to fast all day, but shelved the idea due to low sleep. Two days at a work conference this week might force some fasting anyway due to food options.

Sleep: In bed 6.5 hours, 9-330. Wide awake at 3, got up for b/r, couldn't fall back asleep. Weird. Took a long, leisurely, relaxing breakfast to make up for it.

Body: Still tight calves. Low back very tight when I got up but good as I got moving. Calves were not happy during the run, but they did not seem to get any angrier.

Diet Summary post updated.

Brain: Normal again. Mostly. Helped to run with Lisa, as her third Ragnar run was similarly crappy and disappointing and she beat herself up just like I did. We are so much better than that, why are we so fucking mean to ourselves??

Got an email from BAA about registering for Boston by the end of August. I was instantly filled with anxiety and couldn't even feel excited as I read the email. I know I need to register and commit, lest I regret it forever - but I am worried: once again, I will need to train during tax season. I can back down a little more on my hours there, but I can't just skip it. They need me, and I need the dinero. But I also need to balance that with my mental state so that the stress does not take away all physical ability. Witness my final run at Ragnar: when my brain is overloaded, I shut right the fuck down. So what if the stress beats me up and my training sucks again? Even if I am not injured, my brain could take me down. So how do I push myself mentally to get it done? Where do I find the mental strength & self-confidence to take this on as a perfectly surmountable challenge?

I think it comes down to pushing that flywheel, turn by turn, little by little, incremental success by incremental success, using that momentum to create more momentum. But I don't know how to keep creating successes, because I still don't know why I keep "failing" and stopping and having to re-start. And I'm so, so, SO fucking tired of trying to figure it out. I want someone to just tell me exactly what to do, and I'll do it, and I can stop second-fucking-guessing every-fucking-thing.

With my 6-week fat-blasting plan back in 2010, Dustin told me exactly how many calories to eat, and I followed his rules, and it was easy, mentally. Even when I struggled and wanted to overeat, it was very easy to tell myself, "Too bad, so sad, Dustin sat down and took the time to make this plan for you, so you need to follow it, so suck it up!" And I did. Take away as many decisions as possible, like an elite athlete...or prisoner...maybe I need a plan from him again. Or maybe I should sit down with Steve. (And make Mike run with me, and make Dustin keep me sane, and Jesus Aitch why am I so fucking helpless??) Dustin, any thoughts?

And, can I plan to do both Boston and the powerlifting meet (assuming there is one again)? Or do I need to skip that idea for this year and just be Joy's support crew? And if so, how the fuck do I get over the desire to Do All The Things? Martin Rooney says, "The most important thing is to make the most important thing the most important thing." I know that is true, but...all of these things are important. Having a Wonder Woman brain in a Normal Woman body is god damn tough!!

I also got the "Price goes up tomorrow" email for the Monster Dash 10-miler. I want to do it, it sounds fun, I could run with Timmy, it's a guaranteed PR...but it's a week after the 50k, which makes it a bad idea...on the other hand, last year I ran 9.37 trail miles w/ Greg P a week later with zero ache-related complaints in the DM post...and hot damn, have you seen the kick-ass jacket?!

Sunday, August 19

530a-2c cantaloupe, s protein pudding, c reg, supps
9a-banana pancakes w/ SF syrup, T cashew butter 2 sl bacon, 4s macaroons, 2c reg w/ 2T coconut milk
3p-BLT w/ mayo & mustard, sm apple, bag apple chips, can Zevia
715p-protein pudding, supps
Throughout day-2 quarts water

Sleep: 12 hours in bed, 5p-5a. Like a god damned rock. Napped 1030-1, too.

Body: Surprisingly good. Calves are tight as hell, but the rest feels pretty fine; knees complain going down stairs, typical post-run feelings. Overall fatigue & mental fog, though. Sticked calves a couple times.

Brain: Re-rode the mental rollercoaster of Ragnar by doing the full write-up. Exhausting. Ate my carb-indulgent pancakes and decided I either need to attend pancake-making class or give up. The effort outweighs the resulting messy pile of underdone-middles! But the memories of a perfect stack of buttery, fluffy pancakes keeps me trying...god I miss them. Anyway, made up for the 'cake failure by finishing off my macaroons. I think my house is almost out of carbs now. Took a bath & a nap.

More emotional rollercoaster as I lay there: unfairness of being able to pull physical feats out of my ass like everyone else...blamed my need for high recovery in all aspects, which I normally attend to so it isn't a problem, but remove my recovery, and I fall apart...although I can perhaps do more impressive things than "everyone else" when I AM fully recovered...but look how much effort it takes: even though I paid the same as everyone else this weekend I was the only one who had to pre-plan my every meal & bring everything I needed, and the only thing I consumed from our stash was water, and I couldn't indulge in anything anywhere...which led to how I'm so tired of constantly thinking about food due to fat loss but especially struggle to enjoy going out to eat or eating at a friend's house - basically every bite of food outside my own house...tired of analyzing everything and feeling like I still know nothing (not true, but you know how these rollercoasters are)...realized that physically I actually did great this weekend, but mentally I failed and had to walk, MENTALLY I had zero strength left...why don't I have any mental strength left anymore, what has changed, did I ever have it?...or if are all of my issues due to setting expectations too high for myself, then how do I find a balance of challenging myself without setting the bar so high that I'm guaranteed to miss it and fail...or how do I learn to accept failures as stepping stones...ugh. Somehow I stopped there, but I could have gone on and on forever. I know that sharing this makes me look like a pathetic basketcase, but it's all part of my "BE REAL" campaign.

Trip to Sauk for groceries displayed more mental fog as I felt stupidly slow and blinked mole-like at everything. (Wearing glasses didn't help, but my eyes needed a break from contacts.) The world just felt too loud and bright. I felt a little better back home. Briefly considered lifting, which sounded appealing, but the warm-up sounded exhausting. Smartly vegged with reading material instead, then bill-paying, then back to reading. Extra impressive: I managed to get all of my chores done, too.

Ended the day feeling better than this post shows, but still too tired to edit or clarify any of it.

Saturday, August 18

12a-c reg (lukewarm and bleah)
2a-2oz almonds, half bag sweet peppers, 2c reg w SF syrup (very hungry, had not planned to be eating at this time; found 2 things that looked good at a gas station, was all quite delicious)
3a-bottle CCZ, BCAAs, salt tab
345a-4.92m run
5a-half bag jerky, .5c raw veg, half bag sweet peppers, bag pear chips, macaroon, Ultima (had to force myself to get this down...not hungry)
8a-med apple, half bag jerky, can Zevia (hungry this time, though nothing sounded good)
930a-BCAAs, salt tab
1030a-4.93m run
2p-bag jerky, 2 bags apple chips, Ultima, can Zevia, supps
Throughout day-2 quarts water

Sleep: In "bed" 1.25 hours, asleep 30 minutes max, after first leg. In "bed" an hour after second leg but didn't even attempt to sleep. Main goal was to get body straight to keep hip flexors from tightening up. It worked.

Body: I felt wonderful on my second Ragnar leg. Lots of recovery work afterward such as laying flat or Stick & FR after 2nd rest, stretches and mobility, nearly-prime nutrition, etc.

Legs were still great on third leg, but everything ELSE fell apart there, from guts to temp to brain. Click on the link above and read about it.

Brain: Good until final run. Seriously, did you click on the link yet?

Ragnar day two: The constant driving slowed down a bit for Brett & Andy's long 9.4-mile legs in round two. But there was still really no chance to rest, just sit around (I should have been moving a LOT more) and wait. Occupied myself with battling the iPad's internet signal to update my sweet pace spreadsheet.

Everyone raved about how good it felt to run at night, and my second run was indeed very pleasant. Peaceful. Quiet. I did not attempt to push myself on this one at all, just aimed for a comfortable pace, and enjoyed it all, other than my foolish math errors. Choked down half of my post-run food. I was not hungry at all, but did not want to eat right before I ran leg 3. Sent off van 1 with much excitement and jealousy; they were all so ready to GO and I knew they'd be speed demons. Boys suck.

Made no attempt whatsoever to rest after leg 2. At our major exchange, just hit the bathroom to change & clean up only (though I could do nothing about my stupid frizzy hair - you people who want naturally curly hair are all fucking MORONS), then crawled into my sleeping bag on the grass with iPad, iPod, and cell phone. Laid flat to keep hip flexors happy, kept up with the doings in van 1, had full internet access (we were in the Cities somewhere) to share some of the insanity on Facebook, etc. Jodi slept for an hour in the van, so as soon as she got up we busted out the recovery tools and started feeling ready for round 3.

Van 1 all finished ridiculously fast. This set up too high of expectations for me, I think, forgetting that they were all stronger runners who had done terrible jobs of estimating their paces. We were all pretty damned accurate in van 2, and should have expected to do what those paces said...or worse, being our 3rd run in 18 hours on no sleep.

Anyway, I felt good going in, but my 3rd run sucked. I don't know if I needed more water, maybe should have skipped the 9a snack (but I was truly hungry), maybe it was the jump in carbs after a week of next-to-none - or it may have been just unavoidable given the many physical demands. But I was near tears and hyperventilation after handoff, exactly like my Fargo DNF, feeling very defeated, like I had just totally failed. Maybe that is what "hitting the wall" feels like? I dunno. It sucked. It was a rotten way to finish my running.

I know that I did not fail, not even close. I was merely at the brink of mental capabilities at that point. Epic physical feats, emotional highs, unrealistic expectations, did I mention I got 30 minutes of sleep? It is a wonder I didn't curl into a ball of WAH WAH WAH out in the woods!

I also then struggled to enjoy the finish line because it was all of 30 minutes after I had finished; I was still feeling mentally beatdown; didn't eat anything (only drank some Ultima) after my run; obviously couldn't partake in free pizza or beer (which of course felt quite unfair); and meanwhile van 1 looked like a bunch of fresh, relaxed, happy daisies. Jerks. (Not really. But that's how I felt.)

I began to feel so crappy that I wasn't even sure if food was what I needed. I knew I needed sleep (I was ungodly tired) but otherwise couldn't pinpoint my problem. On the ride home, I did eat what I had intended to eat post-run, but slowly, and I finally started to come around to just needing sleep. I tried to read but couldn't really absorb anything. Didn't want to nap for fear I would feel even worse driving home from Alex. Eyes were red as hell; I looked like a druggie. I actually broke down and cried on my drive home, just feeling so much emotion and exhaustion. I carried my shit inside, put my cold food into the fridge, took out my contacts, and crawled into bed. No shower. No anything. No fucking ability to care. It was 5pm. (I think.)


Overall, I can't decide whether I would do this again.

It wasn't quite what I was expecting. It helps now that I know better what to expect in terms of zero downtime or sleep and constant people & talking & noise & driving. I'd want to sign up so as to be the slowest person in the fastest van, since that would maximize the downtime outside of the vehicle! I found that I struggled with all that sitting most of all, more so than the lack of quiet, which I had expected to be my main issue.

I would also have go into it with a van full of better friends, not 2 total strangers, 2 coworkers (nice & awesome people that I've chatted with plenty, but not real close friends), and only 1 friend. The main thing I disliked was that the other van barely felt like part of our team. I felt very separated from them, which was hard - I had expected we would be interacting a whole lot more than we did, so that was extremely disappointing.

It was a fun experience overall - definitely an adventure, and not something that took a whole lot of training to accomplish. I just think I'd rather have spent those 18 hours tooling along with my friends on trails, sharing the running, not just the between-running. More like the Train & Stay, for which I can not fucking WAIT!

Friday, August 17

530a-2 fr eggs, 1.5 sl bacon, .5c sauerkraut, c reg, supps
730a-c reg w/ 2T coconut milk
9a-can Zevia
930a-Americano w/ SF syrup
1130a-s protein pudding, 2s turkey pepperoni
230p-bag pork jerky, 2c raw veg (cukes, carrots, celery, cauliflower), macaroon, supps
6p-s protein pudding, can Zevia, BCAAs, salt tab
7p-4.53m run
8p-bag pork jerky, 2c veg, large banana, macaroon, Ultima, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 6.75 hours in bed, 1015-5. To bed late due to Ragnar excitement. Woke at 4 & hit bathroom, but fell back asleep. Alarm woke me at 5. Was supposed to be 7. GAH. Couldn't fall back, got on up. Felt fine though. Go adrenaline!

Body: Felt great in AM, very rested. Little concerned with digestive system, though - opposite of yesterday. Hm. Also, had some near-cramps in calves at some point overnight, so I hit the water hard early. Digestive soon righted itself and felt great all day.

Brain: Amy Subrt is in Colorado with a couple friends. She spent 15 hours today hiking 15 miles up a 14,536' mountain, and got up at 2am to do so. Said "everything hurts!" My first thought: I AM SO FUCKING JEALOUS. I guess I didn't quite get my fill of mountains on the North Shore!

Ragnar day one: Too much driving. Drive down was LONG and the body did not like sitting that much. Tight hip flexors always a result of sitting too much or running too much, so this was a concern point all weekend.

Exciting to finally meet up with van 1 but sad to leave them so quickly. Logistics of keeping up with our people took way more time that I expected, really no downtime. FAR MORE DRIVE TIME than I was expecting. My first run felt absolutely amazeballs. Nice and fast. Brain was happy to run. Body was happy to run fast.

Again it was great to meet up with van 1, see the major exchange point, swap some stories. But when we got to OUR rest exchange, I was very much in "I need to rest RANOW" mode. Cost $2 to sleep in the gym, and we only had two hours, so I bedded down in the damp chilly grass. And was too keyed up to actually sleep. Got up after 15 minutes to hit bathroom. Texted back & forth with van 1 for a bit. Finally I managed to fall asleep about 11, and woke up to a van 1 text at 11:30 that they were ahead of schedule. Gah. Got up and moving, sent off Jodi, spent about 5 minutes chatting with van 1, and off we went.

Thursday, August 16

515a-2 fr eggs, 2 sl bacon, c sauerkraut, c reg, supps
630a-c reg w/ 2T coconut milk
745a-Americano w/ SF syrup
930a-s coconut flakes w/ 2T Sunbutter, can DCP
12p-personal training
130p-2oz beef ribs, .5c roasted veg, 2T Sunbutter, oz almonds, can DCC, supps
7p-2oz beef ribs, .5c roasted veg, coco cake, supps
830p-bunch of macaroons, bunch of roast beef - gah!
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 915-5. Wide awake & up for b/r at 1am, but I think that's when Hop got home. Solid otherwise, until digestive system prompted me to get the fuck up RANOW at 5 due to - TMI alert! -

Body: ...complete systems-wide elimination. Which continued into mid-morning. Don't know what caused it, very typical food at supper: veggies & meat & a micro cake. Hm. But I feel fine, not all depleted and nasty like I would expect. Cautious for the weekend though - hitting water hard so I do not get dehydrated before I even run!

Felt all-over stiff and achey and whiney most of the morning. Initially my knees felt as fat & achey as if I had ran 10 miles yesterday. WTF? Upper back a bit sore, too. Session was fine, felt great to move, though I did not seem to have much endurance for pushups, rows, etc.

Brain: Doing good.

Yesterday I decided I would give some treats to Van #1 since they have to go down a whole night earlier than Van #2, while we can sleep in, and in our own beds besides. I made my "brain food" for them (but on steroids: mixed nuts [cashews, almonds, pistachios, hazelnuts, walnuts], craisins, mulling spice, AND coconut flakes). Then this morning I saw Monica's email about how she already got (a) trail mix and (b) her mom's famous caramel rolls.

Which makes my brain food look about as exciting as a stale cracker. Even on steroids.

So for a couple minutes I was like, god damn that Monica for being so god damn perfect all the god damn time! And then I stopped and reminded myself that she is perhaps the rare person who really does have all of her shit together and thrives on juggling 18 million things - or maybe not; maybe she cries herself to sleep because she's so fucking exhausted. But either way, it doesn't matter: her awesomeness does not reduce my awesomeness.  Her awesomeness, in fact, makes my life easier, because my one self-appointed Ragnar job was getting her a thank-you gift. Otherwise? I just need to show up on time and run.

So: thanks be to Monica and her superwoman awesomeness!

And instead, my brain food goes to van #2 for having to put up with me, and to my favorite peep (or peeps, if he shared) in van #1.

Go ahead. Make someone else's day.
-Stephen Covey

Wednesday, August 15

5a-c reg, supps
6a-c reg w/ stevia
630a-taught class (did warm-up & 2min finisher)
8a-Americano w/ SF syrup
10a-2c decaf w/ stevia
12p-mobility mania
130p-can diet cherry Pepsi
7p-man-sized pile of beef roast, 2 small cukes w/ salsa verde, sweet (banana?) pepper, coco cake, supps

Throughout day-3.5 quarts water

IF: Biometric testing* at 11am meant fasting until then, and I just extended it to supper. (Felt fine, would have gone to bed without eating, but I was slapped with the delicious scent of roast beef bathed 24 hours in the slow cooker. Fucking NOM.) Since I'm going to need more calories on Friday/Saturday because of the runs & low sleep, I'm banking some calories in advance.

Yes, fasting two days before Ragnar. Yes, Dustin is going to want to shake me when he sees this. But yesterday he talked about Ragnar having nothing to do with his goals. I gave that a lot of thought myself, and realized that kicking ass at Ragnar is not my goal either. I definitely want to get through it injury-free, and I really don't want to walk, but other than that - it's all about the adventure, the fun, the people; running is a side note. (And a good training stress in preparation for the best vacation ever.)

Fat loss, on a week that my brain is in a place to achieve it, is taking center stage. I'm using this week as a low-carb experiment while I'm at it. Playing with macros. My little science-minded fat-loss flywheel has momentum this week, so I'm going to keep it turning. 

*Guess whose cholesterol went up even more! Not worried; got the draw done, will have more details from that.

Sleep: 7.75 hours in bed, 9-445. Again took a while to fall asleep, but was solid when I did; woke around 4 (I think) & dozed in/out. Had I been eating breakfast, I would have just gotten up.

Body: Decent. Felt stiff & sore in class warm-up, though, unlike last week! Soreness in glutes/hams continued all day. Tuesday's squats/lunges, I guess? Nutrition? I made the effort to hit more water today than yesterday. Mobility work felt much better than Monday. 1.5 hours sitting in meeting.

Brain: I feel awesome today. I'm all kinds of motivated by my progress this week in sticking to my plan, I see nice visible improvements...pushing my flywheel.

Tuesday, August 14

515a-2 fr eggs, 1.5 sl bacon, .5c sauerkraut, c reg w/ T coconut milk, supps
630a-c reg w/ T coconut milk
730a-2c reg
930a-T coconut flakes w/ 2T Sunbutter, can Zevia
1030a-2c reg (I was cold, but this was a mistake, left me jittery & hungry)
12p-personal training
130p-3oz beef ribs, c roasted veg, Caveman Cookie, can Zevia
630p-salad w/ half avocado & balsamic, coco micro cake, supps
Throughout day-2 quarts water

Sleep 8.25 hours in bed, 845-5. Took a while to fall asleep, and was dozing in/out for the last hour or so, but otherwise very solid.

Body: Slight aches in hip flexors in AM. What the fuck, body? Sat for an hour in AM meeting. Session felt excellent, walked out feeling strong & happy.

Brain: Pretty good. Busy & productive.

Feminist Freakout: The below is part of a post I made elsewhere, in response to a specific comment. But I wanted to bring it back here to help you realize why I'm constantly oversharing in this blog.

I've heard people make comments that insinuate I'm someone to be envied, I'm perfect in certain areas, I'm competitive, I'm an overachiever, etc. These comments make me simultaneously puff up with pride - and laugh like a hyena. If you've been reading regularly, you know all about the rotten thoughts I think about myself, if not WHY my self-esteem is so unbelievably low.

Well, I don't know why either, but read below to understand why I share all of my faults and stupid thoughts here with you:
I am so fucking tired of feeling like I am the only one who is a mess. It seems like on a daily basis, I think that EVERYONE BUT ME is brimming with confidence and capably marching forward with children and stressful jobs and workouts and eating healthy and making it all appear smooth and EASY. Meanwhile I have no kids and a wonderful job and my health and a happy marriage - my life is easy but does not FEEL easy, because I am packed full of self-doubt while striving for perfection. I desperately wonder when the hell I will feel like I've got my shit together like everyone else.

But I think damn near every woman feels this way, and 99% of us never feel like we have our shit together - so it's refreshing to hear [woman] talk about it and show that vulnerability. I know we would all benefit from the realization that those women we envy might have anxiety attacks at 3am or wish they hadn't had kids or hate their job or their body or WHATEVER.

We need to realize that perfection does not exist and it's a complete waste of our lives trying to reach it. Instead, let's be real, let's share our embarrassing stories, let's ask for help when we need it, and let's fucking LAUGH at ourselves & our foolishness. It's the only way to go.

You dig? It's time to stop striving for bullshit perfection and be real. That doesn't mean settle for where you are, just take what comes easy, become complacent - please keep pushing toward your goals, but make your motherfucking goals realistic. A six-pack powerlifting BQ-er body by 12/31/12 is not realistic. (Not that such a thing was my goal...but, you know, pretty close.)

Here's another light-bulb thought I had today: no one but YOU really gives a flying fuck what you look like. Seriously take some time to think about that. I am pretty sure your SO would love you whether you subtracted 10 lbs - or added them - as long as you are healthy...whether you dyed your grays or let them be...whether you grew long flowing locks or chopped your hair to a pixie cut. So if you (I) spend a shit ton of time dwelling on something that ONLY you (I) care about - doesn't that make you (I) pretty god damned selfish & narcisstic? And is that really the best use of your (my) brain, time, & talents? Couldn't you (I) use your (my) powers to accomplish real GOODNESS in the world?

It's smart to care about a nice appearance, and it's brilliant to be diligent about good health, but beyond that, it's all just aesthetics for you. Is physical perfection really that important to you? Should it be occupying the amount of mental focus and willpower that it currently does in your life?

This rant is not strictly applicable to body comp. It's applicable anywhere you are striving toward some level of perceived perfection, whether that be your home or your kids or your job or your what-the-fuck-ever.

It is also not strictly applicable to women, but that's the viewpoint I'm most in tune with, obviously. But I honestly do not see the men in my life pushing themselves to achieve achieve achieve at all costs. They are so much more reasonable than we are in judging what's realistic. I know that's a blanket statement, possibly even sexist, but it's what I see.

"My" men do not define themselves by what they achieve or what they do. They simply are who they are, and they are doing their best, and that's good enough for them. As it should be.

So why can't it be good enough for me (you)?

Monday, August 13

430a-2 fr eggs, 1.5 sl bacon, .5c sauerkraut, c reg w/ T coconut milk, supps
6a-c reg w/ T coconut milk
630a-taught class (warm-up & a few static squat holds only)
730a-can Zevia
830a-2c reg
10a-packet Sunbutter, 2c decaf w/ stevia
11a-.5oz almonds
12p-30min mobility session
130p-can tuna w 2T mustard, roasted vegetables, oz almonds*, can coconut LaCroix, supps
530p-salad w/ half avocado & balsamic & bit of salsa verde
7p-coco micro cake, supps
Throughout day-2 quarts water

*You know what sucks? Picking ONLY almonds out of a giant jar of mixed nuts; ignoring cashews and walnuts is sad-making. That will teach me to grab the right food containers in the morning!

Sleep: In bed 7.5 hours, 9-430a. A bit to fall asleep, solid once I did, but woke around 4 and couldn't fall back.

Body: Actually felt pretty good. Just a touch of aches in lower body in AM. Was planning a noon run with Lisa, but on 10am trip to SN, top/outer front of right shin felt off - so I canceled. Did shit ton of mobility instead. After that, bit of weirdness in left glute, hip flexors acted up, everything just woke up to complain, I guess. Annoying!

Brain: Monday "clean slate" happiness both in personal life & work. Diet Summary post updated, with numbers better than expected.

Found a sweet (that's sarcasm) $1000 error that I made in the LAPW budget. Luckily we have an extra $1000 budgeted than we thought, but it's not exactly fun to confess that my first major duty as Treasurer had a big error. Ugh.

Found a couple very nice houses for sale between Osakis & Alex. Either one would be awesome. Either one would cost $1000 more per month than what we pay now. Ouch. Probably doable, if I cut out all retirement savings and fun...probably not worth it. Just guessing. On the other hand, likely quick weight loss due to forced fasting.

Just kidding. I think.

You can’t cram for the final. By that, I mean you’re not going to get any fitter during the last couple of weeks before the race. So don’t try cramming any last minute long runs or extra training. The best thing you can do for your body is rest.
-Gordon Bakoulis Bloch

Sunday, August 12

6a-fr egg, 1.5 sl bacon, 2 sl toast, 2 HeatherBars, c reg, supps
730a-2 HeatherBars, c reg w/ 2T coconut milk, can Zevia
815a-8.44m trail run
10a-2 HeatherBars, can Zevia
2p-fried egg sandwich w/ 1.5 sl bacon, T mayo; med apple, 3 fruit leathers, 2c decaf w 2T coconut milk
3p-c tea
530p-pork chop, c roasted cauliflower, c fridge pickles, c cantaloupe, supps
730p-micro cake, c tea
Throughout day-2 quart water

Sleep: 7 hours in bed, 11p-6a. Woke naturally due to digestive system, but thought it was 7am. Dang. Felt okay.

Napped 12-2p.

Body: Other than a bit tired, really good. Running felt awesome, full of strong energy. Lovely. Post-nap, very tired. Lethargy, exhaustion, etc. Weird.

Brain: Okay but still beating up on myself for yesterday's eating. Got a boost from such a successful run, and felt grateful for the higher calories for the past 36 hours! I also decided early in the run that I might not be the prettiest or thinnest or best running chica on my team, but I might just be the strongest, and certainly the best powerlifter. Taking the boosts wherever I can find them. Because I wasn't MORE elated after such a good run, I decided it would be a smart idea to log a nap. Post-nap, quite snacky, and craving carbs. Stupid body.

Saturday, August 11

7a-fr egg, 1.5sl bacon, c roasted veg, 2 fruit leathers, micro cake w/ SF syrup, c reg w/ T coconut milk
8a-HeatherBar, c reg w/ T coconut milk, supps
830a-can Zevia, 1.5c reg
1015a-2 macaroons, .5c reg
1p-BLT sandwich, cole slaw, refrigerator pickles, 2c fresh fruit (watermelon, honeydew, cantaloupe, cherries, green grapes), 2 macaroons, 2c reg, can Zevia
330p-2 macaroons, 2 fruit leathers
5p-2oz beef ribs
7p-mallow, micro cake, c tea
9p-oz beef ribs, 4 HeatherBars, supps
Throughout day-2 quarts water

Sleep: 7 hours in bed, 12-7a. Dozed in/out final hour. A big improvement, but look at what time I went to bed. Finally I was truly tired, with no interest in chicken butchering, but also, no choice. Took a nap 515-7p.

Body: Other than tired, no issues, even with standing on 'crete in Vibrams all day. Tried to remember posture and not hunch over the carcasses so much.

Brain: Did surprisingly well until I got home and then I was too intent on a nap to even be polite. Post-nap, quite snacky, could not stick to my plan. Beat myself up a bit.

Also, before bed, I had this horribly cruel thought: I will be the fattest & ugliest woman on our Ragnar team. (I can blame my acne for prompting this kindness.) Why do I have to think this way? Why does ANY woman EVER think this way?

Why can't I think like a man? Dustin is going into this event on a 6 week taper since he has been sick over & over and unable to run. I would be FREAKING THE FUCK OUT in his place - yet he is as calm and confident as always. Meanwhile I can't even be confident in my own running because of what I look like!

What is wrong with my brain? And how many other women feel this way?

And how the fuck do we stop it?

Friday, August 10

330a-fr egg, 1.5 sl bacon, sl toast, micro cake, fruit leather, c reg, supps
5a-c reg w 2T coconut milk
530a-1.5c reg w SF syrup
8a-med apple, bag jerky, bottle diet cherry Coke
1p-2s turkey pepperoni "chips" dipped into salsa verde, Larabar, mini Larabar, bottle diet A&W
530p-c roasted veg, sm eggplant w/ sunshine sauce, plain tomato, few carrots w/ salsa verde, micro cake, AZ bar, c decaf
730p-c decaf w/ T coconut milk, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: In bed 6 hours, 9p-3a; took over a half hour to fall asleep. Very early AM I was in/out for a while, but did not look at clock, guessing an hour or so. Got up for b/r at 245a, then was wide awake. Eventually I did the math and realized I could just get up and go work at NSS at 5am rather than going in the afternoon.

But seriously: what the fuck is up with my sleep? I tried shifting calories earlier in the day with no impact. So is it just caloric intake? 1450 average the past three days, 1300 the past four. Too low? (Hope so!)

"Dr Googlepedia, MD" indicates several possibilities:
-Very low carb/ketosis = sleep issues - but they are talking 20g carbs/ day, and I'm typically clocking in around 125g.
-Lack of magnesium - I drink Natural Calm (mag + calcium) every morning & night.
-Too much water before bed - last night I drank no fluids besides my NC after freaking 4pm.
-Too cold - I have recently switched to wearing shorts to bed. Maybe I'll put my pants back on.

My own theory: slightly fucked-up hormones. Very simplistically: I suspect the caloric deficit on top of boosted running has thrown my cortisol cycle off, so I'm waking too early. Very-low-carb diets, high stress, high intensity exercise, etc, all impact cortisol. It is supposed to be lowest around midnight-4a, and as it moves toward peak (~8a), you wake up. Hopefully mine is just a bit off-cycle, and just a bit of tweaking will right the ship. After comparing to last week, I shall try incrementally increasing calories, to 1550, and boosting carbs a wee bit, roughly 100 calories more per day. (Science is fun!) Also, eliminating all supplements (besides Fiber, probiotic) to see if perhaps something in there is an issue.

The weird thing is that I feel pretty good. I don't get out of bed feeling like a zombie like I regularly did way back in tax season. But without sleep, I am not recovering very well, and with all the extra running, I am in extra need of recovery, so I definitely want to try fixing this ASAP.

Body: Better than I would have expected. I keep thinking this rotten sleep is going to seriously body-slam me each day, but I keep feeling pretty good. Rest day today, as planned. Left shin still has a bit of soreness but all else feels quite good.

Brain: Better than I would have expected. Wore my thermometer jeans today, though, and almost couldn't get the god damned things on. And they really don't look that good. Why can't I bring myself to just shove them to the back of the closet? And/or where the fuck is the progress I thought I was making?!

Work problem: I postpone a lot of shit to Fridays. My coworkers like to spend Fridays chatting. These two things are not compatible until I learn how to tell people to leave me alone.

WOD: Goals. For example, not attempting to Do All The Things but rather to focus on one goal, like fat loss. Which will soon give way to 50k training.

After that...more fat loss? Powerlifting? Boston? I honestly don't know. I am unable to pick just one. I want to DO EVERYTHING. No, scratch that - that's entirely possible. I want to BE AWESOME AT EVERYTHING. Little tougher.

Bicycling has done more to emancipate women than any one thing in the world...A woman awheel is the picture of untrammeled womanhood.
-Susan B Anthony

Thursday, August 9

6a-fr egg sandwich w/ 1.5 sl bacon, 2t mustard, T Joy's homemade mayo (NOM); micro cake; c reg, supps
715a-c reg w stevia
8a-2c reg
1030a-2 HeatherBars, can Zevia
12p-personal training
130p-6oz chicken, .5c roasted veg, HeatherBar, mini Larabar, supps
2p-can diet cherry Coke
415p-oz almonds
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: Fucked up, once again. 9.5 hours in bed, 830p-6a. Up at 3a for bathroom, and was in/out (mostly in) until close to 5am or so, then got a solid hour before waking naturally. So we're talking 7.5 hours of real sleep, probably, but I really wanted that whole 9.5. Ugh. Still, somehow I feel good.

What gives? Change in supper did not seem to have an impact. Still, will be re-testing this today by skipping supper. LAPW meeting expected to go late enough that I'll just want to go home and straight to bed, all calories moved earlier.

Body: Initial aches & pains were tightness in ankles & feet. Went away with movement. Front of left shin became sore around 10am, stayed that way; too lazy to look, but it's the muscle that picks up the foot.

For the first hour of the work day, I came back to my desk thinking "Yes, I get to sit!" each time - very weird, as I've been standing all day for almost a year. So I listened to that random thought, pulled up my barstool, & took a load off. Stayed sitting all day.

Low back slightly tight later in eve, 7pm-ish. Too much sitting after deadlifts.

Brain: Doing well. Busy day yet again, which started to get me down about mid-afternoon. Could totally feel myself running out of brain-power. Annoyance with a few coworkers that seemed to bring out massive impatience with the rest of the world. Post-close I always feel a little rush of exhiliration & accomplishment for a good half-day...and then I open up my post-close to-do list and I just. want. a. DAY. OFF. But I never feel like I can take one. This month especially not, as I have extra work piling on, next Friday off for Ragnar, and am gone to a conference for two days the following week. Gah-ross.

Interesting note: my belly fat has gotten "looser," less dense...which is good...except it also seems to be more "bouncy" which is depressing as fuck to see. I'm trying to remind myself, when I see my bouncing flab, that it's a good thing. Today on my way to NSS in too-snug workout clothes that showed plenty of bounce, I wanted to cringe when I saw my reflection. Instead, I decided to pretend I was totally confident in how I looked, like one of those chicks who is pretty overweight but still dresses like her goods are the market's hottest find. I figured a viewer would either be inspired by my confidence, or feel better about their own body in comparison. Either way, they win, right? And I don't really lose by giving them a boost. But man alive, I would love love love to not have to fake that confidence.

WOD: Improvement. Today I'm thinking about how much of improvement comes in baby steps, not giant leaps. Like the loose bouncy belly flab. It's actually an improvement, even if it does not "feel" like it is. It's a baby step toward no bounce & no flab. Take it. Accept it. It's progress in the right direction.

Your toughness is made up of equal parts persistence and experience. You don't so much outrun your opponents as outlast and outsmart them, and the toughest opponent of all is the one inside your head.
-Joe Henderson
Ain't that the truth!

Wednesday, August 8

5a-protein bar, bag jerky, c reg, supps
6a-mini Larabar, c reg w 2T coconut milk
630a-taught class; did warm-up & demo'd finisher (ball walks & monkey hustle)
930a-2 HeatherBars, .5 oz almonds, 2c half-caff
12p-3.5m run w/ Lisa
130p-6oz chicken, .5c roasted veg, sm banana, HeatherBar, supps
5p-5.67m walk/run w/ Lisa
630p-salad w/ HB egg & half avocado, toddler squeeze pack*, c tea**, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

*Apple, spinach, & rutabaga: gross. I bought a bunch of these to taste the flavor combos and figure out what I might want to make myself, to be used for potential endurance fuel. So far they basically taste like applesauce. Except this one. This one was nasty. And it was supposed to be my dessert! Jerks.

**Joy! Hibiscus coconut tea, which is a pretty bluish purple. Extra pretty & double NOM when coconut milk is added. You want I bring you some?

Sleep: AWFUL. 8 hours in bed, 9p-5a. Up at 1a for bathroom, then WIDE AWAKE until at least 3a. Almost got up and ate breakfast but by that time I was finally starting to feel sleepy again. Woke naturally just before alarm went off. Somehow felt fine. Decided it would help with "true" Ragnar training!

The only thing I can pinpoint is that supper was higher-carb & -calorie than normal. The frustrating thing is that it was not actually HIGH carb or calorie. My carbs came from my salad (carrots, peppers, what?), a medium apple, and the giant T of cocoa in my micro cake. For real?! Anyway, today I boosted calories at breakfast & lunch, shifted in from supper; will see if that affects anything. (Very determined to stick to a level caloric plan so that I can really learn how much to eat.)

Or it could just be a result of being in a calorie deficit. In that case, what do I do? Eat a little more? Suck it up? I don't know!

Body: Given the terrible sleep, I should have felt awful. Instead, I felt pretty good! Class warm-up felt excellent, legs didn't even feel sore or heavy or anything despite yesterday's squats. First run: a nice challenge, not too much, not too easy. Super duper tired about 3pm, nonstop yawning, but I just laid into the water and that helped. Legs got heavy over the afternoon, got the "fat knee" feeling, so I hit the foam roller before the eve run. That first mile felt bad in a "no way we can keep doing full miles even with walk breaks," but everything after that was really good! Came home and hit the water and vegetables and was in bed embarrassingly early.

Visible results starting to come along in upper belly. YES.

Brain: Good. Busy day, including finishing up last night's LAPW stuff. I need to upgrade my home Excel version and/or get that Excel-on-iPad thing working for me. Also, I realized (oh, about 2am) that I started making a bunch of stupid little mistakes last night about 7pm, to the point where I should have simply shut right down. But I forged ahead and took twice as long as I should have...clearly you don't want me doing brain-work for you after 7pm! Also, title of this post? Initially was Tuesday. You clearly don't want me doing brain-work for you at 7am either! How on earth did we close early, and what kind of mistakes will I find in my post-close reconciliations?

Whatever. There are no tricks. Run because you have to. Run because you love it. Run because you want to be fast. Run because you want to be skinny. Run to find some quiet time. Run to sweat. Run to eat. Run hear your heart pound in your ears. Run because you're a runner. Run because you gotta keep the streak. Run because you don't know why the hell you're running. Run because you fought with your partner. Run because your job is shitty. Run because you got no money. Run for the sunrise. Run for a race. Run because it's impossible. Run because it's easy. Run instead of doing the laundry. Run instead of watching TV. Run because no one else understands. Run because the cool kids do it. Run because you're tired of talking. Run for numbers. Run for feel. Run to prove something. Run because it fucking hurts. Or don't run. If you got something better to do.
-Jeff Edmonds

Tuesday, August 7

530a-fr egg, 1.5 sl bacon, 2 sl toast, piece fruit leather, c reg w T coconut milk, supps
630a-c reg w T coconut milk
730a-Americano w/ SF syrup
930a-oz almonds, 2c reg
12p-personal training
130p-6oz chicken, .5c roasted veg, med apple, supps
530p-salad w/ HB egg & half avocado, med apple, micro cake, can Zevia, supps
Throughout day-4 quarts water

Diet Summary post updated with numbers & picture.

Sleep: 7.5 hours in bed, 945-515. Up for b/r at 2a, woke often after that. Got up feeling rested, though.

Body: Surprisingly good. Felt very creaky getting out of bed, tight low back, sore legs, etc (also, in bed I kept scraping my callused right foot on that open/oozing left-foot blister...YEOW!) but once I got moving, things started feeling better. Legs still a bit heavy, and got "fat knees" at desk, but session felt lovely.

Brain: Decent. Boo: bit tired, and a busy day. Yay: session boosted me and I spent the night on my volunteer bookwork. My first "month end" for LAPW! Boo: acne agony (just keep on reading). Yay: there will be another NSS Train & Stay, and I kept that weekend free, and all indications are that my body will comply. That deserves a DOUBLE YAY!

Acne: Juli over at PaleOMG mentioned that she cut out nuts to test them for acne. Mother. Fucker. I ate a lot of nuts up north. I bought a giant container of nuts on Saturday and had too many helpings. My Larabar & Uberbar consumption was up a bit last week. I ate my nut-based "ice cream" last week. And my digestive system was fairly fucked up last week, always an indication of pending acne. God. Damn. It. All. I've had cashew-related suspicions in the past but I always come back to eating them because they are. So. Fucking. Good. I can apparently get away with almonds, but pfft, that's like getting chicken nuggets when you want a beautiful, golden, rotisserie "I could eat this all at once" chicken. It's just not the same!!

Will I have any  god damned fucking treats left?! The very idea of losing my last true indulgence makes me want to cry. Wait, I still have coconut. So far...

Okay, let's allow logic to shove aside emotions. For starters: I don't even yet know that this is a definite problem. Second, even if it is, it's got a silver lining like all my other food issues: I no longer have to use willpower to avoid nuts. They simply become permanently off-limits, no questions asked.

Time to test for real. I'll allow the homemade "HeatherBars" because I'm sure as shit not letting them go to waste (though I will ration them out rather than gobble them like they deserve, and if you're lucky & loved, you might receive some), and I'll finish the last few almonds I've got. But the giant jar of mixed-nut deliciousness will have to stay out of reach for at least a week, until my skin clears up. Except, that coincides with Ragnar, for which I want to test whether a massive dose of physical stress alone will cause acne, so I'm looking at a minimum of two weeks without nuts before I can truly test them. STUPID BODY.

WOD: Enthusiasm. As you can see from the acne rant, I'm feeling a bit challenged lately, so that casts a new twist on today's word. I'm happy to report that I'm still feeling enthusiasm for most of my challenges. And I keep trying to put things into perspective: I'm battling belly fat & acne, not cancer or a lost limb or a dying loved one or anything that anyone else even gives a flying fuck about. But I know that I am toeing a fine line of pushing myself & being pushed by circumstances, so I am also constantly second-guessing myself, asking my Internal Dustin what I should do. I struggle primarily because I want to Do All The Things and yet I come from 28 years of doing as few of the physical things as possible, so I'm often left wondering: am I really listening to my mini-chief, or am I just listening to lazy old Sabrina? I think it's easy to see that I'm no longer that lazy person, but it's very hard to shake that shadow off.

Wait, how did I get here from "enthusiasm"? I have no idea. And I'm not even going to bother trying to put a bow on it. I'm an accountant, not a writer. Let's move on to one of my favorite topics...

Bacon pics are popular: From another pal who apparently sees "bacon" and thinks "Sabrina." I am 100% okay with that.

Read This: Fit and Feminist

I have not seen much of the Olympics, but apparently there has been a whole lotta comments & hoopla about certain women and their appearances. Not their athleticism or talent, but their revealing uniforms or overly-muscled or -fat bodies or their god damn hair.

(Oh, and where are the matching critques for the men? Silly Sabrina!)

The article naturally blasts these people for adding to the body image issues women & girls have already, constantly comparing ourselves to air-brushed perfection and falling short every single time.

Because, really, seriously: what kind of world is it where an Olympic athlete is expected to have pretty hair while winning a fucking gold medal?

Find it here: Female Olympians Fight Back Against Shamers and Haters

Anyway, moving beyond just getting my feminist underbritches in a big ol' bunch - this particular paragraph smacked me in the face: 
But just because people are critical, it doesn’t mean what they say is true or valid. It doesn’t mean that they are right. And most importantly, it doesn’t mean we have to take their bullshit seriously. It’s so important that I think it bears repeating: Just because someone says something shitty about your appearance, it doesn’t mean they are right. It just means they are an asshole.

I've don't think I've ever had anyone in my life truly criticize my appearance, other than the off-hand "You're getting too skinny" crap from two years ago. Which did hurt, but was easily brushed off, because I knew I was a long way from being unhealthy.

So why did this paragraph stop me cold? Because I re-read it like so, and instantly related to it:

But just because your internal self is critical, it doesn’t mean what she says is true or valid. It doesn’t mean that she is right. And most importantly, it doesn’t mean you have to take her bullshit seriously. It’s so important that I think it bears repeating: Just because she says something shitty about your appearance, it doesn’t mean she is right. It just means she is an asshole.

Pretty powerful stuff, isn't it?

Monday, August 6

5a-c reg, supps
6a-c reg w T coconut milk
630a-did class
8a-2c reg
9a-2c decaf
10a-oz almonds
12p-3.35m utility run w/ Lisa
130p-chicken w roasted veg, homemade choco-chip brownie Larabar, supps, piece of gum
530p-3m walk
630p-Uberbar, Caveman cookie, supps
Throughout day-4 quarts water

IF: No breakfast. Very hungry just one hour after eating my lunch. STOP IT, BODY.

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 9-5. Solid; woke at 415a and felt awake enough to get up! Did not, thus alarm woke me at 5, but I got up feeling quite good, considering.

Body: Felt awesome. Warm-up with class felt so good and I had a new rep scheme that I wanted to test, so I decided to join in on the first round. And it was so fun that I kept on going! Run was not as awesome. Legs felt pretty heavy, then kept getting winded on the return trip. Sore quads in afternoon.

Acne: Reaction to something began on Friday or so. No idea what is causing it, can't pinpoint a thing. So. Fucking. Frustrating.

Brain: Doing well, given such a busy and loooong Monday. I once again learned that beating myself up on Sunday for what I ate on the weekend is really fucking stupid, as I came in under my goal for the week, when I was certain I'd be over. Dumb!

Another dumb: earning a large blister on my three-mile walk because I was too lazy to traipse down to the Well and grab socks. Stupid is as stupid does.

WOD: Optimism. I'm optimistic about my plans every single Monday, aren't I? So sure I can DO THIS this week, really stick to my ambitious plans...well, it's better than the opposite, right?

And at any rate, I am learning, little by little, how to make the plans more achievable. The ol' adage of "Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you will land among the stars," is kind of bullshit for me. If I only land among the stars, I am massively disappointed. So perhaps I need to start smaller. This time, I'm aiming for Mars.



From my beautiful, hilariously smart-assed, much-missed friend Lesley:

Sunday, August 5

7a-c reg, supps
8a-stretches/moves from running book
830a-4.5m run (3m normal, 1m w sprint intervals)
1030a-fr egg, 1.5 sl bacon, 2 sl GF toast, apple w cashew butter, c reg w 2T coconut milk, supps
230p-salad w hb egg & half avocado & RW vinegar, strawberry & nut "ice cream," few mixed nuts, swipe of fruit leather, few bites of slow-cooker chicken, some cooked cabbage
6p-chicken breast w roasted veg, few mixed nuts, c tea w coconut milk, supps
7p-stretches/moves from running book
Throughout day-3 quarts water

Sleep: 9 hours in bed, 10-7. Pretty solid.

Body: Feeling good. Had planned on 4 straight miles of running, but was going just a bit too fast to maintain it and feel good, so when sprint intervals occurred to me, I was ON IT. And that felt wondertastic.

I also tamed down last night's Wonder Woman ambitions of lifting today as well. My current goal is to enjoy Ragnar, which means no injuries, feel good during each run, finish satisfied that I was properly trained, etc. It's not so much that lifting itself is detrimental to that, but (1) the increased running frequency creates a LOT more recovery stress, and (2) I'm limiting caloric intake to the bare minimum of recovery - so I should probably not add any more recovery stress.

But damn it, I wanna lift! And run Ragnar! And Wild Duluth! And be skinny! And Do All the Things!

Brain: Feeling pretty good. Productive & relaxing weekend.

Dustin: I need advice. Check out this super unfancy graph...little worried about going too hard. What's the best way to get a little more "short recovery time" training in the next week? Does it seem smart to do pretty much the same stuff as this week, or should I dial it back anywhere? Really wanting to put in at least one day with two short runs before the race weekend...need help not hurting myself...

Saturday, August 4

615a-2 fr eggs, 2 sl toast, Larabar, c reg, supps
8a-c reg w 2T coconut milk, bottle DDP, .5s sunflower seeds
845a-4.85m trail run
1030a-2 fr eggs, sl ham, fried potatoes, 3c reg
2p-3oz mixed nuts, s sunflower seeds
6p-2s turkey pepperoni dipped into salsa verde*, chicken breast w .5 stir fry, micro cake, 2c decaf w stevia, supps
Throughout day-2 quarts water

*Microwave turkey pepperoni for 50 seconds and they crisp up and function as tortilla chips! Holy shit, my life will NEVER BE THE SAME.

Sleep: 8 hours, 10-6. Up for b/r at 230a, and a little h/s/g, but sleep itself was solid.

Body: Feels good! Run was AWESOME. Calves a bit tight. Stood 5 minutes in the lake for recovery.

Got very tired about 5p; skipped races because they sounded like too much work. And my only possible date was Hop and he would rather be in the pits, so...camped out in front of TV and caught some Olympics. Was about to nap but realized how little water I had drank and downed a quart; immediately felt better.

Was hoping to do a second run tonight and lift tomorrow but tiredness hit at planned time. What is up with that?! Instead, planning another longish run in the morning. If I am up for it, lifting afterward. Will see if my Wonder Woman ambitions hold up!

Brain: Great! Loved the run, loved brunch with my buddy Joy, got in a little time with the hubster, enjoyed a spell of laziness. A bit unsettled at my lack of ambition in the eve though. Didn't want to do a thing on my to-do list. Hope I find some enthusiasm tomorrow!

Friday, August 3

630a-c reg, supps
7a-c reg w 2T coconut milk
8a-Americano w stevia
9a-Uberbar, 2c reg
1015a-oz almonds
145p-chicken, c stir fry, c straw/blueberries, Caveman cookie, supps
5p-bag jerky, bottle diet A&W
8p-salad (w hb egg, half avocado, rw vinegar, few pepitas), 3 ribs, .5c grapes, supps
Throughout day-3 quarts water

IF: No breakfast. Hungry at 9a, so I ate my planned snack; hungry right away again at 10a! AND hungry at a vicious cycle. WTF?

Sleep: 8 hours in bed, 10-6. Fairly solid sleep, no trips to b/r, but woke with asleep arms a couple times. WTF?

Body: Really good. Tempted to run today but sticking to planned rest so I keep feeling good! Too busy anyway, but no WTF there, purely a collision of month-end at job 1 and a lotta work at job 2. Look what time I ate supper...bed time!

Brain: Really good. Ready for a quiet weekend, though. Not sure I will get it, as my to-do list is a little overwhelming.



I challenge YOU to take the time to think about ONE thing you could do today to improve ONE aspect of your health. It could be in the realm of physical, mental, spiritual, financial, relationships, wherever you wish to improve. Just ONE thing.

Go do it, and really pay attention to how you feel doing it and how you feel afterward.

If it is all roses - do it more often. No more excuses.

Thursday, August 2

530a-fr egg & 2 sl bacon on 2 sl GF toast w T honey mustard, c fruit, c reg w T coconut milk, supps
645a-c reg w T coconut milk
745a-2c reg
930a-Uberbar, 1 Caveman cookie, 2c decaf w stevia
11a-mini Larabar, 2c chai tea**
12p-personal training
130p-chicken breast, c stir fry, 1 Caveman cookie, supps
530p-kayaking w Amy
715p(Traveler's Inn)-salad bar (spinach, iceberg, green & black olives, hb eggs, few peas, 1 beet slice, sunflower seeds, few pieces fruit, oil & vinegar, picked herring [good flavor, poor texture]), 2.5c decaf, supps
845p-half Larabar, supps
Throughout day-4 quarts water*

*After all the 2am bathroom breaks this week, I think I'm going to stop myself at max of one gallon & no liquids after 7pm; see if that lets me sleep through the night.

**Tea-related tip: First of all you must know I'm super green and use the same mug for a week (or more) without washing. (Sound gross? Hasn't hurt me yet, nor my 55-year old father!) So my tea mug (as opposed to my coffee mug - when you don't wash, you've gotta keep 'em separated) always has yesterday's tea bag in it when I make a new cup. This time, I left it there and tossed in the new one...for two straight days. Today's mug was a fresh bag of Chai, a day-old Sugar Plum Spice, and a 2-day-old Sugar Cookie Sleigh Ride. Chai Plum Sleigh Ride!

Sleep: 7 hours, 1015p-515a. Up once for b/r; woke at 415 wide awake & almost got up, but managed to fall back. In too late due to hanging with Emma & family last night, and not solid..crapsticks.

Started feeling it about 11am, so I added a li'l snack and somehow chose tea over the truly-desired coffee.

Body: Upper back/neck area is really tight. Don't understand why, unless I slept weird. Given that several times I woke to Oscar's claws in my back, or my arms falling asleep, that wouldn't surprise me. Lower shins a little bit sore. Was debating a rest day tomorrow anyway; chat with Dustin cemented it. Session felt excellent, and upper back was in better shape afterward.

Brain: Doing very good despite low sleep. Almost put on my thermometer jeans this morning, but decided they'd still be tight enough to sadden me, so I avoided that potential pitfall. I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and let the results come, slow though they may be.

I feel good & happy & all, but I keep making stupid mistakes. I spaced on bringing food yesterday, as if it were not something I do every single day. Did anyone catch that yesterday's post was titled MONDAY August 1 until I caught it this morning? I forgot to leave work early to get Emma a card yesterday. She's 10, whatever, she cares more about the gifts - but still: I had even missed her actual birthday! Good thing CherryBerry makes everything better.

Interesting side note: I watched her eat butter- & syrup- & whipped cream-laden panackes AND her CB sundae, and never felt deprived. I was happy to find a good salad option at Perkins and water at CB. This is a very good place to be.

WOD: Strength. As in this, one of my favorites:

Be careful whom you emulate: the herd, or the leader.
-Maxwell Maltz